Best Office Party Stories?

[jakethebake]

It's that time of the year again for those of us that have jobs anyway. I have to attend my office X-mas party tonight.

Over the years, I've heard some pretty good stories about drunken happenings at these things. My best story about an office party isn't really very good. Just me making a drunken ass of myself.

It was an 80s-themed post-exam party for a professional exam that I had finished the year before. I bought a bottle of tequila, complete with worm, for that year's test takers. I couldn't get anyone to drink with me and so consumed most of it, including the worm, myself. I vaguely remember lying on a sofa with my half-drunk boss standing over me wearing this long headbanger-looking wig and laughing at me. Fast forward to sometime later and i'm projectile vomiting off the guys back porch with my entire office, including several partners, watching. Someone made a video of me that was shown at work the next monday morning. Good times. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

So who banged a drunk secretary on the copy machine? Who made a drunken pass at the boss's wife? Who had a chick ride him in his chair at his desk while enjoying the view out his bay window...nevermind, that's just a fantasy I had. Anyway what are your best stories?

[tdarko]

jake,

i am going to my gf's office x-mas party tonight so maybe i will have some when i get back.

excited,

~td

p.s. last year nothing interesting happened

[swede123]

My office party is tonight as well. It usually sucks. If it's particularly good or unusually pathetic I'll give a trip report.

Swede

We don't have office parties any more, we have "Holiday Team Building Events". Talk about suckage. No booze, no religion specific references, lots of "hey, dont you work down the hall from me?". Kill me now.

Mine wasn't anything to write pentouse about, but..

I used to work in a small branch office of a good-size corporation, and they flew me out to the home office one Christmas for an annual meeting/Christmas party.

I didn't know anybody, didn't really have much to do, so that evening I hit the open bar. I proceeded to get plastered.

They started calling everybody in for dinner, and of the 1,000 people I COULD get seated with, it has to be with the President, the Vice President, the General Councel, and assorted other exec's.

I maintain for about 5 minutes, and just don't say anything....but the General Councel is pretty hot, so I started making drunken small talk with her.

I was making drunken small talk with a married woman who was a lawyer and indirectly my boss. And I was not making any progress.


You know, this story is starting to suck, and I don't think I need to drag this out. Suffice it to say, I was fortunate the next morning that I still had my job.

[Georgia Avenue]

Jake,

I have worked in an office for less than a year, and the one I have coming up has no booze /images/graemlins/frown.gif

However, when I was in grad school (for writin’) my department always had some fine Xmas parties at the faculty club. The two most beautiful words to any writer are, obviously, Open Bar. These shindigs could be counted on to devolve into drunken nonsense rather quickly, often involving Pulitzer winners drooling down each other’s necks and doing the seagull dance at the afterparty etc.

My first year at one of these I was getting quietly sloshed in the corner when a burly older gentlemen with a moustache sat down next to me and started chatting me up…what did I write, where was I from? He clearly expected me to know who he was, so I felt like I couldn’t ask. It turned out we both grew up in the same area of suburban DC, and we fell into one of those endless buddy-buddy nostalgia-fests that free Maker’s Mark can engender. A friend of mine finally came over and started fawning at his feet. Turned out it was John Astin, from TV’s The Adam’s Family, who is now a professor of playwriting and drama…

“How cool!” I said, “You’re Gomez! But wait…I thought you were dead?”

He actually thought it was funny, and explained that I was thinking of Raul Julia. That whiskey is a hell of drug too!

Happy Holla-days,

--GA

[youtalkfunny]

It's not a Christmas party, but it's still an office party, so I'll tell the story:

I'm working at a race/sports book in Vegas. The racebook manager is quitting to take another job, and we're giving him a send-off at a local tavern. We plan this for a Sunday night, since we don't carry any live racing on Sunday nights, and this will give the most people the chance to attend.

Several hours into the party, we start to notice that the assistant manager, who is being promoted to replace the departing guy, hasn't shown up to the party. He was running the racebook that afternoon, and was supposed to come over after the last race, but didn't show. This sparked all sorts of gossip, wondering if there was a rift between these two guys that none of us knew about.

The assistant guy finally showed up, about three hours after we expected him to arrive, and explained where he had been:

After the last race, one of the ticket writers was counting down his draw, and called out, "Hey, Rick, I'm $5000 short! Somebody must've snatched a bundle of $100's out of my drawer!"

That struck Rick as odd. Racebook writers started the day with $5,000 in their drawer, and rarely ended the day with more than $10,000. And it's almost entirely made up of $20's or lower. If anybody in the room was betting that many $100's, Rick would've known about it.

So Rick couldn't come to the party right away. He had to stay late, so he and security could figure out what happened.

It turned out the ticket writer was hammering out a few tickets for himself, and if he got stuck, he'd Martingale the favorites until he got unstuck. Today was Martingale Reckoning Day.

[coffeecrazy1]

Had ours last night. I work in a large law firm(not an attorney). There was open bar, good food, and all in a sky lobby in a skyscraper in Dallas(the one with the hole in the middle of it).

There was karaoke going on, which was good for me, because I can sing, and also for others, who can't, because it was highest of high comedy to see previously-stiff attorneys cutting loose to the end part of "Hey Jude."

Presumably to encourage adultery, non-personnel were not invited to the party. But...dating is frowned upon here, and you should definitely keep it under wraps. However, there were several pairings going on due to the large quantities of alcohol. Most notably, there were two young associates who seemed to be together...which is fine...except he's got a wife who's pregnant, and she has a boyfriend. It was exceptionally flagrant.

Oh, and a group of us, including the pair above, adjourned to a dive bar for more drinking and trivia. That was fun. Then I left. This morning, I heard that they adjourned from the dive bar to a more upscale bar, and the entire group(~15 people, all ages, all different positions...attorneys down to mailroom guys) proceeded to get ridiculously hammered. Apparently, one of the assistants is a mean drunk, and nearly got in a fight with ANOTHER assistant over a THIRD assistant(who is female). Later on, mean drunk assistant apparently came within a hair of getting arrested at a random gas station in Plano(suburb of Dallas).

All in all, one hell of a party for a bunch of lawyers and legal types.

Went to my former place of employment's office party (same place and night as my current employer.) They do throw an awesome Christmas party. Open bar, lots of dancing. This year, saw one girl making out with my friend's wife - they're both not bad looking, but I would have picked two other girls at the party for this encounter. This is always a treat though. One other drunk girl tried to make out with my date, and my former boss almost tackled me when he realized it was me doing the Electric Slide.

Year before that, that same boss grabbed the female "ice queen" boss and dragged her out on the dance floor. In the office they can't stand each other. Got some good pics of that. The office innocent drama queen took me as her date, and that naturally started all sorts of rumors that I had to beat down. Didn't see any girls kissing that year though.

*EDIT* I wasn't there for this, but the ice queen and the third boss took a group out downtown after the party. Apparently one person in the group was barred from a downtown bar. The third boss got out of hand with the bouncer, wound up spending the night in jail for being drunk in public and disorderly conduct. Quite scandalous.

Year before that, there was a live band, and my old boss was freaking all over the lead singer girl....who happened to be our receptionist's sister. That was kinda funny.

Year before that, my first year...the girl I took as my date who was my co-worker wanted to go dancing downtown after the party. Another girl said "isn't that place in the ghetto?" My date lived about five blocks from this establishment. I almost had to break up a chick fight. My money was on my date.

I had my reasons for leaving that place, but they always throw one helluva Christmas party.

ScottieK

[IggyWH]

I should really go to mine tomorrow. It can't take a bunch of engineers much alcohol to fall off the deep end but I'm afraid after I have a couple drinks, I'd tell some people off an get fired. Of course I'm about 2 seconds away from quitting anyways, so maybe I should just go out with a bang?

Damn cheap bastards aren't having an open bar though so eff that!

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
Year before that, that same boss grabbed the female "ice queen" boss and dragged her out on the dance floor. In the office they can't stand each other. Got some good pics of that.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is always funny. I worked with two people that did this regularly. I was their boss and actually had to pull them apart once. They hated each other with a passion. After a few drinks their hatred always turned into another kind of passion. I can remember seeing the two of them drunkenly groping each other no less than four times at office functions.

Back when I was teaching...

The party was thrown at a bar, but we had to pay for drinks, cuz schools have no money. So some of the younger teachers pregamed a bit. The English department mentions this female student that's really bothering her, and a few other teachers chime in about she's not a good student in their classes as well. The new math teacher, who's quite drunk from pregaming, suddenly gets excited about this student, and says, "Yeah, so and so doesn't know [censored] about trig, but she's hot as hell. I gave a her a C just she'd feel like she owed me. I can't wait until her parents make her come for extra help." Everyone looks at him horrified. He looks at me, cuz I was her science teacher. "Jay, you know you want to tap that ass..." (I totally did- this girl wore these microminiskirts and tops with no bra all the time. Just walking jailbait...but I digress) and I just hung him out to dry and didn't say anything. Said math teacher got fired after Xmas break.