Gameplan for getting this chick... Advice Requested

[TomCollins]

I've been out of the game for a while in a serious relationship. But that is over, and I need to get my game back. I'm somewhat picky in a girl I want more than just a bang from, so surprisingly I met a girl this summer that seemed to fit the criteria. We hung out a few times, both got back with ex's in the time period, stopped talking, then started talking and hanging out again right before she left the country (she is foreign, but has permanent residency) to visit her family before she starts up a job. She is also moving to Dallas (about 2.5 hours away), but I have family there, and she has friends here, so chances are we'll at least be running into each other plenty.

Although we haven't hung out TOO much (maybe 6 times), she has asked me for a bit more than I would normally expect (wanted me to take her to the airport, although found another ride from her roommate), and now wants me to help her move. I had her over at my house, tried to work my magic, but it didn't quite work out. She has been talking to me while out of the country some, but the time difference makes it different.

She's talked about visiting and so forth. Am I stuck on the friendship tip, or do I have a chance? Any chance I can slide in the friendship tip and work it over? Do I help her move?

If you need more info about the situation, let me know, I'll answer the questions. As for SIIHP, trust me, that's the goal. But I believe its called rape.

[Aloysius]

Hm - her asking you for "bigger" favors, usually reserved for good friends, seems a little weird. Little more detail on that (like, without any reads seems presumptuous and makes me suspicious of her). Is that a foreigner thing or what?

Here To Help,
-Al

[MyTurn2Raise]

http://forums.caraudio.com/vb/images/smilies/needpics.gif

[TomCollins]

She's a big prude (she mentioned dating a guy for several months! and never kissing him).

She also asked me to be a loan reference to her on her student loans. After the break from talking, she basically asks me out to her friend's brithday dinner. Some of the oddness of some of these things seem like a foreigner thing. She has complained to me about guys she has dated recently and said "see xyz is this way, unlike you". So I get a lot of reads that make me think something is up. But she might just not know a lot of people here (which is strange since shes been in town for 6 years).

She also came to the US to marry this dude, who turned out to be psycho and threatened to kill her and stuff. But they are divorced (for several years), and she has no contact with him.

She always asks in the form of "if you cant, its no big deal". I don't think she has bad intentions.

[renodoc]

Drop it like its hot.

[Aloysius]

[ QUOTE ]
She's a big prude (she mentioned dating a guy for several months! and never kissing him).

[/ QUOTE ]

That's beyond mere prude - how does that even qualify as dating?

[ QUOTE ]
She also asked me to be a loan reference to her on her student loans.

[/ QUOTE ]

A loan reference? Tom, seriously, man, wtf that seems really ridiculous.

[ QUOTE ]
She also came to the US to marry this dude, who turned out to be psycho and threatened to kill her and stuff. But they are divorced (for several years), and she has no contact with him.

[/ QUOTE ]

Uh - dude - please posts pics immediately it may be the only thing that sways advice from this forum.

These Are All Red Flags Probably Not Worth The Effort,
-Al

[TomCollins]

http://img358.imageshack.us/img358/18/pickijpgw300h2255nf.jpg
http://img358.imageshack.us/img358/7691/bandi3ul.jpg

[jba]

"She also asked me to be a loan reference to her on her student loans. "

is this like a personal reference or a cosign thing?

[mason55]

[ QUOTE ]
"see xyz is this way, unlike you"

[/ QUOTE ]

Sorry, you're already on the friend ladder

My advice is to make it extremely clear that you want her without saying it. Flirt excessively with her, touch her in non-threatening ways whenever you get the chance, hold eye contact when talking. Always make sure she has fun while she is with you. Limit the amount of time you spend with her so she always wants more of you. If she is having fun with you she will want to be around you more, just give her limited doses of yourself and it will drive her wild and she will have to give you attention in more extreme ways. If she doesn't respond to you in a sexual manner, just start drifting away and if she doesn't try to get your attention again then just move on and break off contact.

[TomCollins]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
She's a big prude (she mentioned dating a guy for several months! and never kissing him).

[/ QUOTE ]

That's beyond mere prude - how does that even qualify as dating?
I have no idea. I know she isn't always like this. She was mentioning sex with this other guy, so who knows. She just said that other guy, things weren't "like that".

[ QUOTE ]
She also asked me to be a loan reference to her on her student loans.

[/ QUOTE ]

A loan reference? Tom, seriously, man, wtf that seems really ridiculous.
I wasn't cosigning. She just needed a name of someone who didn't live with her to say shes a good person. It seemed odd, but not too unusual.
[ QUOTE ]
She also came to the US to marry this dude, who turned out to be psycho and threatened to kill her and stuff. But they are divorced (for several years), and she has no contact with him.

[/ QUOTE ]

Uh - dude - please posts pics immediately it may be the only thing that sways advice from this forum.

Again, its not an ideal situation. But trust me, it's the best prospect. There are a lot of other things about her that are exactly what I'm looking for that are unlikely to be found in a lot of other people
These Are All Red Flags Probably Not Worth The Effort,
-Al

[/ QUOTE ]

[diebitter]

There's always a chance, my friend.

I think she digs you, but something about you makes her think you're not interested.

You need to go get drunk together some time, and just kiss her. Everything will happen then - and I think that first night will be awesome, cos she's been waiting so long.

I don't usually give advice this trite-sounding - honest - but this is all that's needed here.

[MyTurn2Raise]

wow...this is a borderline situation
above average, but not hot enough to go through a bunch of bs

hmmm...ignore her a few times, or talk about other women and how well things are going with them. If this doesn't stoke the fire, you are permenantly in LJBF category.

[TomCollins]

[ QUOTE ]
My advice is to make it extremely clear that you want her without saying it. Flirt excessively with her, touch her in non-threatening ways whenever you get the chance, hold eye contact when talking. Always make sure she has fun while she is with you. Limit the amount of time you spend with her so she always wants more of you. If she is having fun with you she will want to be around you more, just give her limited doses of yourself and it will drive her wild and she will have to give you attention in more extreme ways. If she doesn't respond to you in a sexual manner, just start drifting away and if she doesn't try to get your attention again then just move on and break off contact.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think I've been doing this some. The day before she left, she called me at the last minute wanting to meet up at a bar or something, and I blew her off. She kinda blew me off the two days before that, so I figured I had to make a stand somewhere. Being in different cities, I think it will be easy to not get "too much".

[[censored]]

Sounds like you're getting played dude. Classis nice guy syndrom.

The only way to break out of this is to risk the rejection and just directly state your intentions of wanting to date. Chances are your sunk but really what are risking? A freindship with some chick? Please that's worth a whole lotta nothing.

Also like Mason stated being compared to the other guys is a bad thing not a good thing. Roughly translated it means something like this "see that guy is a bad boy, I bet if he was with me I could change him" Most girls like arts & crafts whether it be stamps, making things, or guy -- it's all about having a project.

[Aloysius]

Tom - let's say we get beyond the fact that 1) she asks for these favors; 2) she has a psycho ex-husband; 3) she dated someone for months without even kissing them; 4) you will be long distance. Obviously you like her alot.

Echoing DB's advice - just make a move. You'll regret it if you don't. Str8Baller's advice is OK if you see each other alot. But since she will be pretty far away soon, time is of the essence.

Good Luck With This Foreign Chick,
-Al

[TomCollins]

[ QUOTE ]
Sounds like you're getting played dude. Classis nice guy syndrom.

The only way to break out of this is to risk the rejection and just directly state your intentions of wanting to date. Chances are your sunk but really what are risking? A freindship with some chick? Please that's worth a whole lotta nothing.

Also like Mason stated being compared to the other guys is a bad thing not a good thing. Roughly translated it means something like this "see that guy is a bad boy, I bet if he was with me I could change him" Most girls like arts & crafts whether it be stamps, making things, or guy -- it's all about having a project.

[/ QUOTE ]

Granted I have nothing better to work on, even if I'm drawing thin, any chance for redemption? When we first met, it was starting on the dating tip, but didn't develop. She gave me the "just no spark, its a shame because everything else would work" line. When it started back up again, her friend asked her if we were dating, and she sounded open to the idea. I think she knows I'm interested (or at least that I was). So I'm SOL, eh? Can I at least use this to my advantage in the event that I find anyone else?

[TomCollins]

[ QUOTE ]
Tom - let's say we get beyond the fact that 1) she asks for these favors; 2) she has a psycho ex-husband; 3) she dated someone for months without even kissing them; 4) you will be long distance. Obviously you like her alot.

Echoing DB's advice - just make a move. You'll regret it if you don't. Str8Baller's advice is OK if you see each other alot. But since she will be pretty far away soon, time is of the essence.

Good Luck With This Foreign Chick,
-Al

[/ QUOTE ]

That was my plan when she planned on staying over before her flight. Get her as drunk as possible, try to bang her, and if it doesn't work, oh well. I see the red flags, but compared to the other damaged goods that are the prospects ( I don't even want to go there), this is definitely as good as its gonna get.

[Aloysius]

[ QUOTE ]
She gave me the "just no spark, its a shame because everything else would work" line.

[/ QUOTE ]

She already said that to you? Ah [censored] it - make a move anyway, you never know - chicks are mercurial that way. Regret sucks and who knows maybe you get to at least bang her that one time.

-Al

[TomCollins]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
She gave me the "just no spark, its a shame because everything else would work" line.

[/ QUOTE ]

She already said that to you? Ah [censored] it - make a move anyway, you never know - chicks are mercurial that way. Regret sucks and who knows maybe you get to at least bang her that one time.

-Al

[/ QUOTE ]

I've had plenty girls say that and change their mind. The last one ended up dating me for 3 years. But about making this move, what's my plan? Help her move, take her out in the new city, and hope to get lucky? Make my intentions more clear now before she gets back?

[[censored]]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Sounds like you're getting played dude. Classis nice guy syndrom.

The only way to break out of this is to risk the rejection and just directly state your intentions of wanting to date. Chances are your sunk but really what are risking? A freindship with some chick? Please that's worth a whole lotta nothing.

Also like Mason stated being compared to the other guys is a bad thing not a good thing. Roughly translated it means something like this "see that guy is a bad boy, I bet if he was with me I could change him" Most girls like arts & crafts whether it be stamps, making things, or guy -- it's all about having a project.

[/ QUOTE ]

Granted I have nothing better to work on, even if I'm drawing thin, any chance for redemption? When we first met, it was starting on the dating tip, but didn't develop. She gave me the "just no spark, its a shame because everything else would work" line. When it started back up again, her friend asked her if we were dating, and she sounded open to the idea. I think she knows I'm interested (or at least that I was). So I'm SOL, eh? Can I at least use this to my advantage in the event that I find anyone else?

[/ QUOTE ]


Oh man now I know for sure you are getting played big time. The girl knows you are interested in her and so she is keeping you around as a friend. This does two things, first the obvious one of having you there do her favors and two the most important one of making her feel good about herself. you are being played big time man

man you need to take emergency action her if nothing more than for yourself. first let's be clear the chances of this becoming anything are close to zero but here's what you do which will solve both problems.

#1 the next two times she calls and asks you to do something you say no thanks because you have other plans. No execptions here. The plans need to be with other people but can just be guy friends.

#2 you then after about two weeks, you call and ask her out on something that is exclusive between the two of you. something like movie or dinner or whatever. If she says she can't you immediately say ok no problem and then break contact. if she tried to change the plans to something else, no dice.

3)if she's interested she will have either said yes to going out or b) if she wasn't avaible she will make quick contact trying to set up a new date.

go ahead and post after each step.

[TomCollins]

I somehow doubt the "being played" part, she just doesn't seem like that type of girl. Plus, she really isn't getting much out of me.

The gameplan would work, except, we are in communication through IM while she is out of the country. She has asked me to help her move (I have said I probably could but need to know on the date and all).

Plus, she will be long distance, so if we were going to see each other, one of us would likely make a weekend trip. Once it gets warmer, I can say I'm going to see my uncle and play golf with him, and happen to see her in the evening or so. My plan is to make one trip, see if it has any chance of developing, and seriously back off otherwise. Your gameplan would work if she was local, but that seems tough to work into this situation.

[Yeti]

Great post.

[UncleSalty]

I think you're already deep in the friend zone and probably missed your chance on this one. Check out my second favorite forum for the next one:

www.sosuave.net (http://www.sosuave.net)

Happy DJ-ing bro.

[slickpoppa]

[ QUOTE ]
Once it gets warmer, I can say I'm going to see my uncle and play golf with him, and happen to see her in the evening or so. My plan is to make one trip, see if it has any chance of developing, and seriously back off otherwise. Your gameplan would work if she was local, but that seems tough to work into this situation.

[/ QUOTE ]

You need to make it absolutely clear why you are seeing her. Use the word "date" in the invitation. It sounds like the chances that she is interested in more than just friendship are slim, but if it is going to happen you need to be as unambiguous as possible. If she shoots you down, at least you will have closure. I can tell you from my own experiences that being shot down hurts for about a day, whereas being uncertain about where you stand and pining for something more can suck the life out of you for weeks.

[TomCollins]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Once it gets warmer, I can say I'm going to see my uncle and play golf with him, and happen to see her in the evening or so. My plan is to make one trip, see if it has any chance of developing, and seriously back off otherwise. Your gameplan would work if she was local, but that seems tough to work into this situation.

[/ QUOTE ]

You need to make it absolutely clear why you are seeing her. Use the word "date" in the invitation. It sounds like the chances that she is interested in more than just friendship are slim, but if it is going to happen you need to be as unambiguous as possible. If she shoots you down, at least you will have closure. I can tell you from my own experiences that being shot down hurts for about a day, whereas being uncertain about where you stand and pining for something more can suck the life out of you for weeks.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think its sucking life out of me. In fact, it may be keeping me going. Perhaps that is reason alone to just give myself false hope and keep things where they are.

You are being used. Whats the hurry to be in another relationship? You'll have the rest of your life for a relationship. Bang around and have some fun.

[slickpoppa]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't think its sucking life out of me. In fact, it may be keeping me going. Perhaps that is reason alone to just give myself false hope and keep things where they are.

[/ QUOTE ]

"Sucking the life out of you" is hyperbole, but nevertheless what you are describing is not healthy. Listen to what you are saying. You are admitting that this is a "false hope." I know it is difficult to move on when you don't have any other immediate prospects, but that is the best thing you can do.

[TomCollins]

[ QUOTE ]
You are being used. Whats the hurry to be in another relationship? You'll have the rest of your life for a relationship. Bang around and have some fun.

[/ QUOTE ]

Give me advice for how to do this. I couldn't even get laid off of myspace. I even tried going for the ugly chicks!

[ QUOTE ]

Echoing DB's advice - just make a move. You'll regret it if you don't. Str8Baller's advice is OK if you see each other alot. But since she will be pretty far away soon, time is of the essence.

Good Luck With This Foreign Chick,
-Al

[/ QUOTE ]
This is true. I didn't realize time was critical. I usually don't deal with long distance relationships since they never seem to work out. Just make a move like he said. I prefer not to be drunk, but if you both are and the time seems right, go for it! Timing is very important, don't move in for the kiss until you have atleast cuddled/held hands. One huge thing to look for is for her to lick her lips when you are close and face to face, that usually means she is ready to be kissed. Good luck man!!
PS. Don't ask to kiss her either. It's a huge sign of insecurity.

[TomCollins]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Echoing DB's advice - just make a move. You'll regret it if you don't. Str8Baller's advice is OK if you see each other alot. But since she will be pretty far away soon, time is of the essence.

Good Luck With This Foreign Chick,
-Al

[/ QUOTE ]
This is true. I didn't realize time was critical. I usually don't deal with long distance relationships since they never seem to work out. Just make a move like he said. I prefer not to be drunk, but if you both are and the time seems right, go for it! Timing is very important, don't move in for the kiss until you have atleast cuddled/held hands. One huge thing to look for is for her to lick her lips when you are close and face to face, that usually means she is ready to be kissed. Good luck man!!
PS. Don't ask to kiss her either. It's a huge sign of insecurity.

[/ QUOTE ]
We've cuddled up when watching movies and stuff. Given her some massages and pressed my luck with where I could go. She definitely didn't mind most of it. I honestly think she still just wants to be friends, but need to work it over if its possible.

[diebitter]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Echoing DB's advice - just make a move. You'll regret it if you don't. Str8Baller's advice is OK if you see each other alot. But since she will be pretty far away soon, time is of the essence.

Good Luck With This Foreign Chick,
-Al

[/ QUOTE ]
This is true. I didn't realize time was critical. I usually don't deal with long distance relationships since they never seem to work out. Just make a move like he said. I prefer not to be drunk, but if you both are and the time seems right, go for it! Timing is very important, don't move in for the kiss until you have atleast cuddled/held hands. One huge thing to look for is for her to lick her lips when you are close and face to face, that usually means she is ready to be kissed. Good luck man!!
PS. Don't ask to kiss her either. It's a huge sign of insecurity.

[/ QUOTE ]
We've cuddled up when watching movies and stuff. Given her some massages and pressed my luck with where I could go. She definitely didn't mind most of it. I honestly think she still just wants to be friends, but need to work it over if its possible.

[/ QUOTE ]

Okay, I'm usually pretty sublte in these sorts of threads, but listen, you obviously don't want to be just friends. Just both get drunk, and kiss her. Don't worry about signals and stuff, just kiss her - in fact out of the blue may be the best in this case, it reduces her thinking time etc. Honestly, you gotta do this ASAP, unless all you want is a friend.

And you gotta wanna be deep, deep down a friend - otherwise this is gonna torture you for months - until you finally stop seeing her, in fact.

KISS HER!

My thinking is that if she is cuddling and letting you give her massages then you can kiss her. If you truly, honestly think that she just wants to be friends, kiss her anyways. If she doesn't like it, [censored] it, you tried. Find someone else who DOES like it. Trust me when I say this, it is better to not be friends with a girl you want especially if she knows it. She will just use you if she knows you want her because she knows you will do whatever she wants in an attempt to impress her. When I learned I was being used I went out and got another girl to make her jelous, and it worked rather well. /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You are being used. Whats the hurry to be in another relationship? You'll have the rest of your life for a relationship. Bang around and have some fun.

[/ QUOTE ]

Give me advice for how to do this. I couldn't even get laid off of myspace. I even tried going for the ugly chicks!

[/ QUOTE ]
1. Easiest lay is at closing time at a bar. The chix are drunk and looking to hook up if they haven't found someone yet.
2. Women can smell desperation so don't be running after them like a puppy dog. If you be cool and ignore them, they will want to know why you're not chasing them.
3. Booze always helps.

There you see her
Sitting there across the way
She don't got a lot to say
But there's something about her
And you don't know why
But you're dying to try
You wanna kiss the girl

Yes, you want her
Look at her, you know you do
Possible she wants you too
There is one way to ask her
It don't take a word
Not a single word
Go on and kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la
My oh my
Look like the boy too shy
Ain't gonna kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Ain't that sad?
Ain't it a shame?
Too bad, he gonna miss the girl

Now's your moment
Floating in a blue lagoon
Boy you better do it soon
No time will be better
She don't say a word
And she won't say a word
Until you kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la
Don't be scared
You got the mood prepared
Go on and kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Don't stop now
Don't try to hide it how
You want to kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Float along
And listen to the song
The song say kiss the girl
Sha la la la la
The music play
Do what the music say
You got to kiss the girl
You've got to kiss the girl
You wanna kiss the girl
You've gotta kiss the girl
Go on and kiss the girl

for once, crabs and chicks are a good mix.
listen to the crab, kiss the girl.

[SammyKid11]

Tom -- giving advice on how to get laid is a big job, especially because I personally don't know your situation. It sounds like you're having a really hard time, though, so I'm gonna start from the beginning:

1) Your look - Yeah, it's really important. How a guy looks is not as important to girls as how a girl looks is to guys...but it's still crucial. It's essential to getting "quick pussy" (meaning, without putting in a lot of effort, money, or time). I'd assume if you were a huge studmonger that you'd not be having problems getting chicks. So...
a) Work Out. Some chicks are into arms, some into a nice flat stomach, others into how a guy's ass looks in tight jeans. Either way, spend some time at the gym (and if you already do, maybe spend a bit more time on problem areas) and tone up/bulk up if you're skinny/trim down if you're overweight.

b) Grooming - Go to a reputable salon and get a FEMALE stylist's opinion on what kind of cut would make you look the sexiest. Then let her give you that haircut...then tell her thanks, you're gonna be hanging out with some friends at X-bar and why doesn't she grab some of hers and meet you out. If that doesn't work, who cares - you got a cool haircut and easy practice. If it becomes awkward, go to someone else to replicate the cool haircut (take a picture soon afterward so you can just show it to someone else) -- if she comes out and sits on your face later, score. If it doesn't become awkward but she doesn't come out, keep going back whenever you need your haircut and make her your flirty-friend who you bone up on your skills with and have a little fun.

More of grooming, I'm sure you're down with this, but you never know. Make sure you're always freshly-showered, shaved, fingernails clipped, eyebrows not running together into one, teeth brushed, breath good with gum or mints, ears cleaned out, deoderant/nice cologne on, etc. Girls are easily grossed-out and they do appreciate a guy who's clean, looks neat and put together, and smells good.

c) Clothes - I don't know what works for you, but whatever your style...do it right. Don't dress like a slob. If you're going out somewhere (whether with the intention of meeting women or not), make sure you're dressed nicely. Stray away from T-shirts and holey jeans. Make sure your clothes are ironed and at least reasonably fashionable. If you got three or four "power ensembles," that wouldn't be a bad idea. These are clothes you've spent a decent amount of money on, have had approved by department store clerk or female friend(s), that accentuate your good features (blue if you have blue eyes, widening the shoulders if yours are a little narrow, hang right on you if you have less than a totally-flat stomach) and make you look cool. Wear these clothes when going out looking for girls...dating, etc.

2) Location
a) Internet - yeah, keep working on MySpace...but keep it all casual...don't be looking for a relationship, and work on your profile with a female friend (someone who is totally platonic)...browse people with her and ask her the type of things that she responds to when looking for a guy online. Also make sure you've got a couple of good pictures of you (maybe one that's just a straight-up shot of you and one that shows you with people having a good time...let her know what you look like and that people have fun when they're around you...all with a couple of pictures).

b) Bars/Clubs - Yes...these are still good places to meet girls. Approaching women in these places can be difficult or intimidating, which is why you must start out with an absolute rule: Three Seconds. When you see a girl that you are physically interested in, you have exactly three seconds to start walking towards her. Tell your buddies about this rule, and make them hold you to it. If you follow this rule, you don't have time to get all in your head and nervous.

Your actual approach may vary from situation to situation, or you may have a standard opener. It's all really based on your personal style and, MOST IMPORTANTLY, the girl. If you're talking to a 19-year-old blond chick with an SMU sorority shirt on and a set of Mercedez keys in her hands, you're obviously going to start differently than you would with a 24-year-old Goth-rocker, different still with a conservative-looking 30 year old divorcee. Most importantly, though, is to BE YOURSELF. I'm sure you've heard it before, Tom...but it's all about CONFIDENCE. You can't approach women seeking their validation of you being a cool guy and expect to get anywhere. You have to, HAVE TO, get it through your head that what you're doing is approaching a girl to decide if she's cool/sexy/funny enough for YOU. You're obviously not going to say that, but it should be your outlook. YOU are the #1...she is one of millions of your options. Obviously, you wanna be nice, and once you get into a serious relationship, you're certainly gonna want to be a gentleman, etc...but it sounds like you're good at relationships, bad getting into girls' pants. So for that, it's ALL....ABOUT....YOU.

c) Random Places - remember that girls go to (almost) all the same places you do. Tons of people meet in grocery stores, laundromats, the workplace, whorehouses (well - yeah), coffee shops, the gym (great place), the salon (like we already discussed). Be READY for those opportunities to strike. Be your confident, put-together self at all times and be willing to strike up conversations in unusual places. That alone could be the thing that gives you a leg up (possibly HER leg up over your shoulder).

Anyway...get over this weirdo foreign chick. A Foreigner...who's a PRUDE??? Are you KIDDING, the best thing about foreign girls is their lower moral standards about sexuality. This chick obviously thinks of you as a friend, lives far away, is socially awkward, has already shot your pseudo-wussy advances down, might be a neat person but is "just not that into you." And your comment earlier that she was the best you were gonna get...PLEASE!!!

Get out there and do things. Become a man who gets what he wants when he wants it. If you devote yourself to it fully, it will happen for you. And come back here and share stories.

Hope this helps a little. Take it easy.

[TomCollins]

Now I know why I'm not on the bar scene.

[bdmcgraw]

[ QUOTE ]
More of grooming, I'm sure you're down with this, but you never know. Make sure you're always freshly-showered, shaved, fingernails clipped, eyebrows not running together into one , teeth brushed, breath good with gum or mints, ears cleaned out, deoderant/nice cologne on, etc. Girls are easily grossed-out and they do appreciate a guy who's clean, looks neat and put together, and smells good.


[/ QUOTE ]

classic

[ QUOTE ]
She also came to the US to marry this dude

[/ QUOTE ]

If mail-order brides are your thing, sure. Keep trying.

[TomCollins]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
She also came to the US to marry this dude

[/ QUOTE ]

If mail-order brides are your thing, sure. Keep trying.

[/ QUOTE ]

She wasn't mail order.

[DMBFan23]

[ QUOTE ]
I somehow doubt the "being played" part, she just doesn't seem like that type of girl. Plus, she really isn't getting much out of me.

The gameplan would work, except, we are in communication through IM while she is out of the country. She has asked me to help her move (I have said I probably could but need to know on the date and all).

Plus, she will be long distance, so if we were going to see each other, one of us would likely make a weekend trip. Once it gets warmer, I can say I'm going to see my uncle and play golf with him, and happen to see her in the evening or so. My plan is to make one trip, see if it has any chance of developing, and seriously back off otherwise. Your gameplan would work if she was local, but that seems tough to work into this situation.

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deny deny deny. you are on the [censored] friend ladder, Ive been there many times and it sucks. you have almost zero chance.

go prove me wrong, I really hope it works out

[tpir90036]

You are on the friendship tip. The only way off is to semi-ruin the friendship by being a dick and then having hardcore long-time-waiting make-up sex when you hang out to "fix" your "friendship".

Just remember what Led Zepplin taught us in the song "Good Times, Bad Times":

"When I whispered in her ear, I lost another friend"
-Robert Plant

good luck,
tpir

[MyTurn2Raise]

[ QUOTE ]
Tom -- giving advice on how to get laid is a big job, especially because I personally don't know your situation. It sounds like you're having a really hard time, though, so I'm gonna start from the beginning:

1) Your look - Yeah, it's really important. How a guy looks is not as important to girls as how a girl looks is to guys...but it's still crucial. It's essential to getting "quick pussy" (meaning, without putting in a lot of effort, money, or time). I'd assume if you were a huge studmonger that you'd not be having problems getting chicks. So...
a) Work Out. Some chicks are into arms, some into a nice flat stomach, others into how a guy's ass looks in tight jeans. Either way, spend some time at the gym (and if you already do, maybe spend a bit more time on problem areas) and tone up/bulk up if you're skinny/trim down if you're overweight.

b) Grooming - Go to a reputable salon and get a FEMALE stylist's opinion on what kind of cut would make you look the sexiest. Then let her give you that haircut...then tell her thanks, you're gonna be hanging out with some friends at X-bar and why doesn't she grab some of hers and meet you out. If that doesn't work, who cares - you got a cool haircut and easy practice. If it becomes awkward, go to someone else to replicate the cool haircut (take a picture soon afterward so you can just show it to someone else) -- if she comes out and sits on your face later, score. If it doesn't become awkward but she doesn't come out, keep going back whenever you need your haircut and make her your flirty-friend who you bone up on your skills with and have a little fun.

More of grooming, I'm sure you're down with this, but you never know. Make sure you're always freshly-showered, shaved, fingernails clipped, eyebrows not running together into one, teeth brushed, breath good with gum or mints, ears cleaned out, deoderant/nice cologne on, etc. Girls are easily grossed-out and they do appreciate a guy who's clean, looks neat and put together, and smells good.

c) Clothes - I don't know what works for you, but whatever your style...do it right. Don't dress like a slob. If you're going out somewhere (whether with the intention of meeting women or not), make sure you're dressed nicely. Stray away from T-shirts and holey jeans. Make sure your clothes are ironed and at least reasonably fashionable. If you got three or four "power ensembles," that wouldn't be a bad idea. These are clothes you've spent a decent amount of money on, have had approved by department store clerk or female friend(s), that accentuate your good features (blue if you have blue eyes, widening the shoulders if yours are a little narrow, hang right on you if you have less than a totally-flat stomach) and make you look cool. Wear these clothes when going out looking for girls...dating, etc.

2) Location
a) Internet - yeah, keep working on MySpace...but keep it all casual...don't be looking for a relationship, and work on your profile with a female friend (someone who is totally platonic)...browse people with her and ask her the type of things that she responds to when looking for a guy online. Also make sure you've got a couple of good pictures of you (maybe one that's just a straight-up shot of you and one that shows you with people having a good time...let her know what you look like and that people have fun when they're around you...all with a couple of pictures).

b) Bars/Clubs - Yes...these are still good places to meet girls. Approaching women in these places can be difficult or intimidating, which is why you must start out with an absolute rule: Three Seconds. When you see a girl that you are physically interested in, you have exactly three seconds to start walking towards her. Tell your buddies about this rule, and make them hold you to it. If you follow this rule, you don't have time to get all in your head and nervous.

Your actual approach may vary from situation to situation, or you may have a standard opener. It's all really based on your personal style and, MOST IMPORTANTLY, the girl. If you're talking to a 19-year-old blond chick with an SMU sorority shirt on and a set of Mercedez keys in her hands, you're obviously going to start differently than you would with a 24-year-old Goth-rocker, different still with a conservative-looking 30 year old divorcee. Most importantly, though, is to BE YOURSELF. I'm sure you've heard it before, Tom...but it's all about CONFIDENCE. You can't approach women seeking their validation of you being a cool guy and expect to get anywhere. You have to, HAVE TO, get it through your head that what you're doing is approaching a girl to decide if she's cool/sexy/funny enough for YOU. You're obviously not going to say that, but it should be your outlook. YOU are the #1...she is one of millions of your options. Obviously, you wanna be nice, and once you get into a serious relationship, you're certainly gonna want to be a gentleman, etc...but it sounds like you're good at relationships, bad getting into girls' pants. So for that, it's ALL....ABOUT....YOU.

c) Random Places - remember that girls go to (almost) all the same places you do. Tons of people meet in grocery stores, laundromats, the workplace, whorehouses (well - yeah), coffee shops, the gym (great place), the salon (like we already discussed). Be READY for those opportunities to strike. Be your confident, put-together self at all times and be willing to strike up conversations in unusual places. That alone could be the thing that gives you a leg up (possibly HER leg up over your shoulder).

Anyway...get over this weirdo foreign chick. A Foreigner...who's a PRUDE??? Are you KIDDING, the best thing about foreign girls is their lower moral standards about sexuality. This chick obviously thinks of you as a friend, lives far away, is socially awkward, has already shot your pseudo-wussy advances down, might be a neat person but is "just not that into you." And your comment earlier that she was the best you were gonna get...PLEASE!!!

Get out there and do things. Become a man who gets what he wants when he wants it. If you devote yourself to it fully, it will happen for you. And come back here and share stories.

Hope this helps a little. Take it easy.

[/ QUOTE ]

I see someone reads the same web forums I do

[SammyKid11]

[ QUOTE ]
Now I know why I'm not on the bar scene.

[/ QUOTE ]

I write all that out and all you got to say is "now I know why I'm not on the bar scene?" How about this:

"Uh, what you described sounds like a lot of work. I'm not willing to work hard to become the man women are into and in the process provide happiness for myself. I'd rather pine over this chick who doesn't wanna sleep with me (cause if she did she'd have already done it), pretend that she's into me even if it costs me my dignity, time, money - who cares, at least I'll have someone I'm 'seeing' - and I won't have to admit to myself and my friends that I don't have the stones to get out there and attract the kinds of women I want."

Now, that might be a harsh assessment...and it might not be totally accurate. I dunno - it wasn't meant to offend, just to provoke thought (cause if the above IS you, it's time to snap out of it, yo). But I think what I described above is CLOSER to your reasoning than you feeling like you don't fit into/don't belong in/are better than/aren't good at the bar scene.

But like I said, man - it ain't all on the bar scene. There's some good stuff in what I wrote that you could apply at plenty of other places if you're just not a bar person - sluff it off if you want (cause it sounds like you're seriously sweatin' that foreign ass)...but print it out first. When you decide you're ready to quit draggin' ass and settling for the table scraps you're able to "nice guy" your way into while guys less cool than you are plowing the girls you're busy being friends with...then pick my post back up, give it a read, and maybe it'll help.

I only responded because you asked for advice on how to go out and get new girls and I do have more than my share of experience at that (and in no way do I have Brad Pitt's looks or Avon Barksdale's money). There are lot of people out here that understand what makes women part with their panties, and a lot of that is written about in my initial post.

But I suppose before any of that matters, you gotta let things with this chick run their course (which, if I were you, would consist of - "hey, we've been friends for a while now...but I gotta say, I'm interested in more. Are you?" -- if yes, great...if no, "well, then I'm sorry for your loss...I'd have made a seriously great boyfriend, but I gotta run...give me a call if you change your mind...if I happen to be single, maybe we could have some fun.").

Anyway, to each his own. Good luck.