Is this not the most ridiculous parenting ever???

Yesterday, my newphew came over who is just three years old...i hadn't seen him in about 8 months and he seemed like such a nice kid...however, his mother is absolute trailer trash...my brother, who knocked her up 3 years ago has had problems all throughout his life...never graduated from high school, alcoholic, drugs, etc....you get the picture...apparently, this "mother" who lives with her sister and boyfriend, let him play Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas...they turn it on over at our house b/c i have the game and the kid starts freaking out, swearing every other word, yelling...and i mean hardcore swearing like "i'm going to take this baseball bat and kill this f***ing cop"...this kid now percieves that as reality and is going to grow up thinking that this behavior is okay....i was stunned...there are fourteen year olds who shouldn't be playing that game, let alone three year olds....i have no idea what to do b/c honestly, the kid doesn't stand a chance in life in those surroundings....and if you think talking to this "mother" will help, it's no use...in fact, she just had another kid and she's "pretty sure she knows who the father is"...perhaps the most ridiculous and sad situation i've seen and it's going on in my own family...any advice is strongly appreciated..thanks
chilli

[mrkilla]

the best you can do is say you don't want it being played at your house at this time, say you don't liek or don't appreciate it or something anymore.

Whatever you do, don;t parent someone else kid, biggest mistake you can make, sugest , but don't do.
Hard situation, if its your brother, can you have your mom or dad speak to him?
I get the feeling from the post hes not one to listen though.

[Woolygimp]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kidnapping

I hate to break it to you, but video games have absolutely nothing to do with the way a kid grows up.

its all in the parenting.

[mrkilla]

my point is he can't parent, the best he can do is turn it off

[Brainwalter]

[ QUOTE ]
this kid now percieves that as reality and is going to grow up thinking that this behavior is okay...

[/ QUOTE ]

How do you know this?

[Macdaddy Warsaw]

Um...aren't you a bit biased? Not that I disagree (completely, at least).

[tonypaladino]

I generally disagree with the idea that video games affect children's perception of reality, however I think a 3 year old is much less able to distinguish fantasy from reality than a 12 year old.

yeah, that's what i'm trying to say....i'm no pyschologist but i would think the most critical points of brain develop begin happening at this age and i don't think this is the most appropriate way to go about raising someone....either way, regrardless of what this video game may or may not do, it's gumption that parenting has a lot to do with how someone grows up...and to think she finds it appropriate to let this kid play the game is a bit absurd to me (the father and mother don't live together) so there's little he can do anyway...

[4_2_it]

Your house. Your rules. You aren't parenting her kid, but you can act like a responsible adult in your own home. Sometimes it's a shame that we can't pick our family.

[Macdaddy Warsaw]

I'm no psychologist either, but the kid will end up f'ed. And almost none of it will have to do with GTA.

[B Dids]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm no psychologist either, but the kid will end up f'ed. And almost none of it will have to do with GTA.

[/ QUOTE ]

Bingo.

Don't blame the game, or think he'll emulate the game. He'll just emulate his folks, that might be worse.

[deacsoft]

Is this not the most ridiculous parenting ever???

No. However, stuff like this makes me want to puke.

As far as advice goes... I think you have a few options.
1) You can do nothing. (not recommended) It should be up to your brother to get his crap together and help raise his child. It's not your problem. The following options can result is a huge "burden" for you and possibly others.
2) Contact social services and allow them to do their job. they can be much more effective than you. They specialize in handling situations like this. Your tax dollars and mine pay for their services. I certainly wouldn't mind knowing they are going towards a good cause. I'm sure they would investigate the situation and determine if the child should be placed in the care of more appropriate parental figures. or they may offer help to the mother via classes, etc on improving her parenting skills. Even if you don't wish to be a "rat" (or something like that) you could still contact them for consultation. They may be able to give you some solid advise for this situation.
3) You can try to take a larger roll in the child's life. Spend time with him whenever possible and provide him with love, care, and direction. teach him the things he should know and how to behave appropriately. Be the child's friend and play with him. Play sports or games that are more geared for a child. Do everything you can to return the child's innocence. This will certainly be the most difficult tasks of the given options. Three years of horrible parenting, especially from a mother, will be hard to undo. Seek help from your brother and from other relatives who don't wish to see this child grow up to be trash. this will take dedication from all those involved. There needs to be a constant barrage of positive reinforcement towards this child. Again, a lot of work, but if you sincerely care you have to treat this child as your own.

It sounds like the mother is the type who would welcome the oppertunity for you to take and spend time with the child. Then she can go get filled out like an application by the local high school football team. Or drink or do drugs or whatever else white trash mothers do.

Seriously, man. Best wishes. I hope you're willing to step up and be the man in this childs life or at least seek help.

Cheers,

deacsoft

[RunDownHouse]

[ QUOTE ]
Bingo.

Don't blame the game, or think he'll emulate the game. He'll just emulate his folks, that might be worse.

[/ QUOTE ]
To the OP: do his parents use this kind of language around him? If you had to guess, would you say the bad behavior you observed was due mostly to the parents' behavior (aside from letting him play the game) or things he saw in the game?

[Blarg]

My house, my rules, works here, everywhere, and always. You don't deserve a house if you don't enforce it.

I agree on the GTA thing. I wouldn't let a kid play that just like I wouldn't let a 10 year old daughter wear lipstick or lingerie.

And I agree that a 3-year-old kid is about as impressionable as can be imagined. This is not the kind of garbage you need being stuffed into a kid's head.

I'm fine with shooter games, but not this kind of shooter.

I really hate the whole "violent games are bad, mmkay?" thing, but jesus no, kids that young shouldnt be playing them.

I'd say 10-13 yr olds, if there's an older person there to gauge their reactions.

I really dont know what you can do in this case, just try to show a better example??

good question rundown....i would think he gets most of it from hanging around the supposed adults where he lives, which is just a shame....honestly, i wish i could take more of a role in this kid's life but it's difficult b/c my family is from connecticut and i go to school in north carolina...all the points everyone have said are valid

[spsurfin_Michael]

The best thing you can do is call Child Protective Services (they have an 800 number)and report the family situation. Let them investigate and take appropriate action.

[ QUOTE ]
I hate to break it to you, but video games have absolutely nothing to do with the way a kid grows up.

its all in the parenting.

[/ QUOTE ]

and by letting a 3 year old play a game like this ranks up there on the list of things that make you a bad parent. Give the kid a beer and a joint and maybe he won't to play it anymore...although beer [censored] diapers are the worst

Social Services.

[MonkeeMan]

Ha, this must be the craze. My daughter told us a story about her friend who taught his little 3 yr. old sister to play GTA and yell out "Run, bitch, run" when the parents aren't around. I found it hilarious, but would never condone it with my kids or home.

[bwana devil]

[ QUOTE ]
apparently, this "mother" ...let him play Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas...they turn it on over at our house b/c i have the game and the kid starts freaking out,

[/ QUOTE ]

couple thoughts.
1. i used to work for social services while you describe some areas of concern certainly, nothing comes close to neglect.

2. you need to step up and take responsibility if you think its unacceptable instead of posting about it on the internet. it's your place. your game. why is the 3 year old playing it? youre not powerless in this situation. turn the game off.

bwana

[daveymck]

My kids have been around computer games all their lives, my daughter has played GTA a small amount although she tended to run around more than anything and doesnt really like it she prefers Mario and Shrek to anything like that.

I do sometimes swear in front of them in the car etc but try not too too much.

My daughter thinks if someone says shut up in a nasty way its really bad never mind using any other bad words. The two stepkids have never as yet brought trouble to the door and in the main are well behaved.

If there are older people in the house then kids are going to be exposed to stuff accidently or not, whether their dad or older brother are playing games or watching older films whatever. I try not to let them see certain stuff and tell the stepson to not watch or play certain things when the younger ones are around.

But my feeling is that their morals and knowing right or wrong and knowing how to act appropriately does not come from games or tv but from us as parents. As kids did we not play cops and robbers etc etc games are an extension of this , if she was playing GTA from beginning to end I would have issues with it as it does have inappropriate content, but having an quick play on it is hardly going to change a good kid into the spawn of satan.

[Blarg]

I played cops and robbers, but I didn't play pouring draino down a bitch's throat when she wouldn't give me my money.

[stigmata]

Other than getting social services involved (which can potentially do more harm than good), the best you can do is act as a positive role model in the kid's life. Offer him some stability and continuity through his child hood. Start "giving the mother a break" for a day or two -- sit down and read some books with him, play some kids games, take him to the zoo, but don't spoil him. Get other family members involed too.

I have been in related situations before, and you will really be suprised at how much change you will see from a little positive input. I think you will find that the child will enjoy being with you a lot, and look foward to it -- he will be getting more attention, having more fun, and getting a positive influence.

Other people I know had a tough childhood, and in some cases it was somebody outside the family unit - a teacher or distand uncle - who provided a small positive influence, and showed the child that there were other, better ways to live life. I'm not saying that spending the odd day with the child will make him turn out OK, but it definately improves his chances, and gives him a reference point to make informed decisions from when he grows up.

[chesspain]

As a clinical psychologist, I agree with the following:

[ QUOTE ]
The best thing you can do is call Child Protective Services (they have an 800 number)and report the family situation. Let them investigate and take appropriate action.

[/ QUOTE ]

Note: The exact name of the above agency varies in every state. If you are unable to find the name/number in the phone book, just call the local police department dispatcher. You can ask for the name and number of your state agency anonymously without giving much information.

[mrkilla]

[ QUOTE ]
The best thing you can do is call Child Protective Services (they have an 800 number)and report the family situation. Let them investigate and take appropriate action.

[/ QUOTE ]

If you live in Jersey though don't bother...

"pretty sure she knows who the father is"

Thats hot.

[ QUOTE ]
I'm not saying that spending the odd day with the child will make him turn out OK, but it definately improves his chances, and gives him a reference point to make informed decisions from when he grows up.

[/ QUOTE ]

Please stop doing this, it really upsets me.

[shakingspear]

Welcome to the boards Senator Lieberman.

Wait 2 years and put this kid up for sale into the "How many 5 year old can you take down" game.

[daveymck]

[ QUOTE ]
I played cops and robbers, but I didn't play pouring draino down a bitch's throat when she wouldn't give me my money.

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe not but I am sure you or your friends did some things eg torturing insects or fish or whatever.

As I said playing form end to end I would have issues with the odd mission most of them are ok a few are not there isnt constant bad language on it. I got my stepson the warriors game which has a lot of swearing on and i have asked him not to play it in front of her.

On the other hand I have probably screwed her up already as loves dancing along to my death metal music and spent a lot of last weekend playing headsup poker with me.

I beleive kids get their behaviour from what and how things are shown to them, she has seen me playing games for years and not acting like an idiot (She used to watch me on RTCW when I was in a clan). Its the overall package of morality that we pass on not just the few hours of fun we have in out spare time imho.

[cognito20]

[ QUOTE ]
On the other hand I have probably screwed her up already as loves dancing along to my death metal music and spent a lot of last weekend playing headsup poker with me.

[/ QUOTE ]

And this is going to screw the kid up how? /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[LetYouDown]

[ QUOTE ]
I played cops and robbers, but I didn't play pouring draino down a bitch's throat when she wouldn't give me my money.

[/ QUOTE ]
Coward.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
his mother is absolute trailer trash...my brother, who knocked her up 3 years ago has had problems all throughout his life...never graduated from high school, alcoholic, drugs, etc....you get the picture.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why is she "trailer trash" and seems you place 100% of the blame on her, while your brother "has had problems"? Your brother doesn't seem to be doing anything about this. Frankly he seems just as trashy as she does, and if he isn't doing anything, he's just as crappy a parent. Kick him in the ass, tell him to grow a pair and take some responsibility for his kid's well-being.

[Miggo]

I'm sorry but anyone that thinks social services is going to do anything because a 3 year old is swearing and playing GTA I don't think has the idea of Social Services and what they'll do as I do. I don't think they'll do anything, or is anything they can do, unless the kid has bruises, lives in a feces infected house, or at least shows some signs of serious neglect or abuse.

I think your post is just looking for ideas on what you can do to help this little kid that's turning into something else as you watch him grow up. I don't know what you can do though. You care about the little kid alot, so tell that to the mom, tell that to your brother, maybe tell them that "Gees, he's turning into a little monster since he started playing XXX, I don't know if I'd let my kid play that." Or say to your brother, "Hey man, quit swearing so much in front of your kid, he's beginning to sound like a little sailor." Maybe try saying something in a light mannered way and it might trigger a light mannered response where then you can maybe suggest ideas for changes if they seem like they will listen without taking offense. Good luck, but tread lightly.