man
12-06-2005, 10:46 PM
this is gonna turn out long. I apologize in advance.
the week before school, a girl that I had had a huge crush on and had been friends with calls me and asks if she can stay at my place for a few days. the inevitable happens. we see each other and hook up a few times for a week. I spend that week in a neurotic cycle after which she tells me we'd better stay friends. I tell her I don't want to hang out until I'm over her. in the meantime, I date several women, and fall in love with another one.
(sigh.)
around the time that this one rejects me (1 1/2 months ago), the original one comes onto me as expected. I tell her I won't, firmly. I am sincere because I am over her, and sadly into this other girl. she pretends she wasn't into me anyway.
now, I'm starting to feel attracted to her again. and she's still very much into me. OK.
problems:
1. she fell in love with this guy who graduated last spring. she still talks to him more than me. (I've been seeing her only on weekends.) her affection for me seems genuine, but I don't want to deal with past baggage. but at least on this point we're even.
2. she is a stressful girl to be involved with. she has a mean streak. she can be very adversative. she can't keep an appointment to save her life. she's emotionally volatile (sp?). these are things I can handle, but it will take a lot of energy.
3. I'm graduating next spring, and will probably (let's say 1 in 2) be joining the peace corps at some point after that. there's only four months to work with, realistically.
advantages:
1. she makes me happy.
recently I've been returning affection. she knows I'm into her again. I'm interested in my long-term well-being. I'm trying to figure out whether I should devote time to her, or to other things, and if I can even expect to be able to control what happens.
winter break is in a week and a half.
thoughts on my actions/perspective from here?
the week before school, a girl that I had had a huge crush on and had been friends with calls me and asks if she can stay at my place for a few days. the inevitable happens. we see each other and hook up a few times for a week. I spend that week in a neurotic cycle after which she tells me we'd better stay friends. I tell her I don't want to hang out until I'm over her. in the meantime, I date several women, and fall in love with another one.
(sigh.)
around the time that this one rejects me (1 1/2 months ago), the original one comes onto me as expected. I tell her I won't, firmly. I am sincere because I am over her, and sadly into this other girl. she pretends she wasn't into me anyway.
now, I'm starting to feel attracted to her again. and she's still very much into me. OK.
problems:
1. she fell in love with this guy who graduated last spring. she still talks to him more than me. (I've been seeing her only on weekends.) her affection for me seems genuine, but I don't want to deal with past baggage. but at least on this point we're even.
2. she is a stressful girl to be involved with. she has a mean streak. she can be very adversative. she can't keep an appointment to save her life. she's emotionally volatile (sp?). these are things I can handle, but it will take a lot of energy.
3. I'm graduating next spring, and will probably (let's say 1 in 2) be joining the peace corps at some point after that. there's only four months to work with, realistically.
advantages:
1. she makes me happy.
recently I've been returning affection. she knows I'm into her again. I'm interested in my long-term well-being. I'm trying to figure out whether I should devote time to her, or to other things, and if I can even expect to be able to control what happens.
winter break is in a week and a half.
thoughts on my actions/perspective from here?