Dating smarter / not as smart girls...your thoughts

I'm going out with a girl for a couple weeks now...and she's probably one of the smartest girls I've ever met for her age (we're both 27.) She can handle any topic I throw at her, including sports, history, geography, p***r (!), religion, and she always has something to add to the discussion. She's also articulate and intuitive (and very attractive...not every day I find a girl like this.)

Last night, she made a comment that I found interesting, to say the least. She said that guys prefer dumb girls. This came from her mother. I asked her to clarify, and she said guys prefer girls that aren't as smart as them...they feel threatened and can't stand on equal ground. This reminded me of an article by Paglia I read a few weeks ago that said guys consciously date girls in occupations seen as inferior to their own, reclaiming the breadwinner title...my inference was that she was also saying that guys look to date girls who are less intelligent.

I consider myself to be slightly above average in intelligence, by no means a brainiac or a genius. Most of the girls I've had success dating are probably around the same level. It definitely makes for better conversation, and it's part of what makes a girl attractive to me (but not as important as sanity or sense of humor.)

So this issue is bugging the s@#$ out of me. Thoughts, comments, anything would be appreciated. Guys and girls, do you consciously seek out potential mates that are smarter / as smart / not as smart or does it matter to you? I know this poll is informal and unscientific, but hopefully the discussion is entertaining as always.

ScottieK

[Emmitt2222]

I dated a girl that was pretty far below my intelligence level and although it was funny sometimes, it did not make for the most intrigueing conversations. I'm decently smart and any girl I date now has to be able to challenge me intellectually, although a girl that much smarter may not work. Dumb can be fun, but not for the longterm.

[Bluffoon]

Dumb is dangerous

[OtisTheMarsupial]

There is a difference between occupation and intelligence. I'd bet that in general men prefer women who have lower occupational status than them yet, would also prefer women who are of similar intelligence.

[SoloAJ]

[ QUOTE ]
There is a difference between occupation and intelligence. I'd bet that in general men prefer women who have lower occupational status than them yet, would also prefer women who are of similar intelligence.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sounds about right.

[BradleyT]

I think the smarter guys prefer a woman who is equal or a little bit less intelligent.

Personally I can't stand dumbfucks whether they're male or female.

[Autocratic]

I like girls that hover around my intelligence level. My current girlfriend is smart, and especially intelligent in her field (biology), whereas I focus more on politics and things of that nature. She always claims that I'm smarter, when to me it seems like we just discuss my fields of interest more often.

I'd lean towards saying that mothers telling intelligent girls that guys prefer dumb chicks is just to make them feel better.

[The Truth]

[ QUOTE ]

I consider myself to be slightly above average in intelligence, by no means a brainiac or a genius. Most of the girls I've had success dating are probably around the same level. It definitely makes for better conversation, and it's part of what makes a girl attractive to me (but not as important as her butt or how big her boobies are.)


[/ QUOTE ]

FYP

[tom441lbk]

ScottieK,

If she is a doctor, I think I could live without having the "Bread winner" title


Still looking,

lbk

[MrWookie47]

Gee, I'm sure glad this thoughtful post included a poll. I would have missed it otherwise.

Anyway, I know I don't want a girl who's much dumber than me. Talking with chicks who are dumb as a post isn't any fun, or at least, as Emmitt said, the novelty wears off fast. Smarter than me? Eh, I'm not sure. I agree, though, that I want to be in the role of the dominant breadwinner rather than being Mr. Utah. It's something I could deal with if I found the right girl, though. I guess I go for a girl who's a little smarter than me down to a girl who's a fair bit dumber, but there's a definite minimum acceptable value of dumbness.

[Alobar]

[ QUOTE ]
This reminded me of an article by Paglia I read a few weeks ago that said guys consciously date girls in occupations seen as inferior to their own, reclaiming the breadwinner title

[/ QUOTE ]

that sounds like something some feminist chick would say.

eff that, Id love to marry some chick who made way more money than me. Hell if she was really loaded, id change my last name to hers. Id gladly be Mr.Britney Spears or whatever.

[xadrez]

Tom,

Currently in my relationship I do not have the "bread winner" title. Honestly, its quite relaxing and also awesome. I highly recommend it!

Slacking hard,
Xadrez

[asofel]

I'm surprised by the "it doesn't matter" votes...say there were identical twins with one having had an accident and resulting in a 20 point lower IQ, I can't believe some of you wouldn't care...

It looks like I'm in the minority with the 'looking for smarter' option...Intelligence is something I respect and look for in a girl, so why wouldn't i want a lot of it? I'd feel more emasculated if she could beat me up physically than if she happened to be more intelligent.

[shant]

Dating stupid girls is only fun during the times of the day when your penis is inside of them.

[Los Feliz Slim]

Dating someone not as smart as you as one thing, because there are other things that can make spending a little time with someone worthwhile. But once you're settling down, I can't imagine doing it with someone who you don't connect with on a deeper intellectual level.

[samjjones]

My thoughts are: why eliminate 98.7% of the prospective date pool?

[Aloysius]

OP - I like smart women, it's one of the main criteria for me when evaluating women. If she is smarter than me, that is OK too.

Xadrez - I always assumed I would be fine with this also (me not being the breadwinner), and was surprised that when my girlfriend started to outearn me (I make a good amount of $ but she really started to rake it in, she's a sitcom writer), I started to feel somewhat threatened. Took me a while to get over it.

Not as Enlightened As Others, But Working On It,
-Al

[The Truth]

[ QUOTE ]
Dating stupid girls is only fun during the times of the day when your penis is inside of them.

[/ QUOTE ]

I like dating like 4 different dumb girls. It is because they are easy to trick.

If I were to marry a girl, I would probably want a generally smart young lady though.


blake

[tdarko]

i don't think occupation or breadwinner title etc. has anything to do with it for me personally. i have dated girls on all levels and i will give my own opinion. (assuming all are pretty)...

the dumb chick: makes you laugh at first b/c you just can't understand how someone could be that dense. then you realize you can actually take advantage of her b/c she is dumb and doesn't realize what is ever going on around her. but then her ignorance get old and you realize you don't want to be in a relationship in which you are taking advantage of someone. it sounds good but its actually not fulfilling and you end up getting out of it b/c you realize you two aren't on the same level.

the really smart chick: initially you are stimulated by her conversation and impressed by what she knows. you love how broad her knowledge is and finally feel like you have found someone that you can go to dinner and talk to during the meal and after the meal. you aren't intimidated by her job, you actually appreciate that she is independant. but then you start to realize that not only does she know everything but she thinks she knows everything and argues way too much. sometimes you wish she was more laid back. in the end you want someone that is smart but not way the [censored] out there.

the smart girl (like you): you realize you have everything in common with this girl and its perfect. she is smart but isn't pretentious. she is independent but she laid back and is willing to debate without argueing (if that makes sense /images/graemlins/confused.gif). you found the person on your level.

of course there are really smart girls out there that aren't the way i described, but i have been with a number of them that are...i am generalizing.

[swede123]

I've dated some real morons in the past, and it gets old after a while when you can't have an intelligent discussion about anything interesting. I ended up with a girl that's much smarter than me in many ways. In terms of straight IQ I'm pretty sure she'd run circles around me, but I have the edge in terms of a few more years of life experience to equalize things.

Swede

[Shajen]

[ QUOTE ]
I've dated some real morons in the past, and it gets old after a while when you can't have an intelligent discussion about anything interesting. I ended up with a girl that's much smarter than me in many ways. In terms of straight IQ I'm pretty sure she'd run circles around me, but I have the edge in terms of a few more years of life experience to equalize things.

Swede

[/ QUOTE ]

perfect.

I'm in the exact same boat. We are the same age, but I've had a lot more life experiences than my wife. I couldn't handle marrying someone dumb.

[Gunny Highway]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm in the exact same boat. We are the same age, but I've had a lot more life experiences than my wife. I couldn't handle marrying someone dumb.

[/ QUOTE ]

But if she was dumb enough, you could date as many smart girls on the side as you wanted for intellectual stimulation, and your dumb wife would never catch on.

[Shajen]

I believe it was Eddie Murphy who summed it up the best:

"HALF, Eddie. I want HALF"

[Landon_McFly]

[ QUOTE ]
But if she was dumb enough, you could date as many smart girls on the side as you wanted for intellectual stimulation, and your dumb wife would never catch on.


[/ QUOTE ]

Brillaint /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
But if she was dumb enough, you could date as many smart girls on the side as you wanted for intellectual stimulation, and your dumb wife would never catch on.


[/ QUOTE ]

Brillaint /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Funny /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[kurosh]

I am insanely attracted to girls if they are more intelligent and witty than me. If she can hold their ground with me in an argument and is decent looking, I will marry her.

[man]

I used to date a girl in high school who wrote notes to me in terrible syntax. she also broke up with me using a note, and spelled "break" of "break up" wrong. it was a terrible feeling.

[Gunny Highway]

[ QUOTE ]
I used to date a girl in high school who wrote notes to me in terrible syntax. she also broke up with me using a note, and spelled "break" of "break up" wrong. it was a terrible feeling.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is actually a very good point. It would feel much worse to get dumped by a stupid girl.

[MrWookie47]

Dude, you're right. That totally sucks. In the event I find myself dating a dumb chick, I will definitely dump her before she dumps me.

[David04]

Definitely smart girls...My ex girlfriend was so dumb, it was amazing. I felt like every conversation I had with her, I had to define words that were on a 5th grade level...Especially good was when she didn't know what "generic" meant.

But yeah, smart girls>dumb girls.

[tom441lbk]

Xadrez, sounds like a pretty interesting position, care to elaborate more?

Shant, I second this, also when you are peeing all over them



I can't think of a cool exit line,

lbk

[chucksim]

I want 'em about as smart. Dated one pretty dumb one and for the life of me, I wanted to rip out all of my hair. I did my best to find something tolerable, but that was nearly impossible.

I'd take one smarter than me. I'm sure there are plenty out there...just haven't dated one yet. Maybe that's because they are smart all enough to avoid me.

[xadrez]

First, my GF has a huge head start on me in terms of career progression. Secondly, she works in a field (fashion) that makes much, much more than mine (current/future). Even when I get my MA, I will still probably make less than her as I will most likely work in the non-profit/public sector.

Also, I am a part-time grad student who works full time. My job pays my tuition in full but justifies not paying comparably, and giving decent raises by saying "we pay for your school". Basically my paychecks are anemic in the sense that I make enough to live in month to month in NY, but cannot save or invest.

My GF is willing to bear with me while I do this, and she knows that in the future I probably wont make a ton of cash. For that I think she's awesome. She could care less how much money I make as long as Im doing what I want to be doing. Of course, I probably couldnt walk in and announce my plans to become a heroin sumggler, but as long as its something semi-respectable. Hell, when I met her I was a waiter.

[SackUp]

I'm an intellecutal snob. Dumb girls just get old after a while. They would be fine if I didn't have to hang out or talk with them, but how often do you get that and I don't really want that either.

[Georgia Avenue]

OP:

If I was to pick any option other than #1 (Smarter) I would be fooling myself. Women are smarter than me .

No FYP needed,
--GA

[WhoIam]

I don't know how to say this w/o sounding like a total arrogant prick, but I'm pretty damn smart according to standardized tests and just basic cleverness and general knowledge. For anything more than a friend with benefits, I naturally want someone in the same intellectual ballbark as me. The problem is that many of these girls are unatractive and of those that are, 90% are argumentative bitches or are extremely complicated. By complicated, I mean really f*cked-up, and they are often very good at hiding this. You'll probably discover this much later into the relationship than you would like. Of the remaining 10%, probably 80% have serious boyfriends who have no intention of ever letting them get back on the market.
I'm not being cynical, this is honest assessment of the top maybe 5% of girls intelligence-wise.

To quote the Notorious B.I.G...."[censored] I like em brainless, guns I like em stainless steel, I want the [censored] fortune like the wheel"

Not sure what guns or money has to do with this thread, but the first line sums up my view

[ddubois]

If I held out for an attractive girl as smart as me, I'd be celibate.

[fluorescenthippo]

im surprised by these results. I would think more guys would want a girl who is not as smart as them. If there was an option on the poll to have a girl who was slightly dumber than yourself i bet it would be winning

[TheMetetron]

[ QUOTE ]
im surprised by these results. I would think more guys would want a girl who is not as smart as them. If there was an option on the poll to have a girl who was slightly dumber than yourself i bet it would be winning

[/ QUOTE ]

Chalk me up for slightly dumber than me. Seems to be the girls I like.

Man I can only date chicks smarter than me. They're the only ones who can catch my bs and keep me in check. And I bs A LOT. The dumb ones just eat it up. Sure it's good if you're just trying to get laid, but it gets old.

If you're looking for a partner for the long term, you want someone that you will respect. I have dated a lot of dumb women over the years, and always ended up being bored with them and not respecting them because they had no intellectual contribution to make in the relationship. I met my wife while we were both in law school, and I was glad to find an intellectual equal (I may just be fooling myself, she might be smarter than me, but I will never admit it.) We had a lot in common, made each other laugh, and shared a lot of the same views and values. And great sex. Yes, I have to deal with her being an argumentative biyatch a lot of times (she doesn't argue, she cross-examines, and she is great at it), but she's right a lot, too, and doesn't let me get away with all the BS I pulled on the dumber girls. There's a lot to be said for someone who will call you out on your BS; it makes you a better person. So date all the dumb women you want, but find someone you respect when you are ready to settle down, or, settle down when you find someone you respect.

[gamblore99]

intelligence is a huge thing. For dating I don't think its that important, but for marriage and kids, I to have kids that are intelligent. Plus her having a better occupation and making money is also good. This probably sounds really bad but I don't think I would marry anyone without at least a bachelors degree. And probably would look for a girl who is a proffessional. (only for marriage, and its not cast in stone. Just something that is semi-important to me)

[ohnonotthat]

independ(E)nt, not independ(A)nt

arguing, not argu(E)ing

*

Not trying to be a nit - my extremely intelligent (and obscenely hot) girlfriend happened by and noticed those two.

I must go now; she has just asked me - in perfect classic Latin - to, ahem, "service" her.

I love it when she does that; I have such difficulty understanding her when she uses Chineese. I'd be [barely] OK if she'd stick to Mandarin but when she switches to Cantoneese it's hopeless.


/images/graemlins/smile.gif

P.S. I was going to go with "Greek" for the punchline but there are too many of you with one-track minds.

- Filthy animals . . . I love you all. /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[ QUOTE ]
If I held out for an attractive girl as smart as me , I'd be celibate.

[/ QUOTE ]

Are you sure about that?

[Alex/Mugaaz]

If they are smart enough to not make me cringe in shame when they speak then I honestly don't care. If she was way, way smarter than me it might be a wierd thing. As long as she wasn't so smart that I would give up immediately whenever we disagreed due to always being proven wrong then ya, it might suck.

[ QUOTE ]
I must go now; she has just asked me - in perfect classic Latin - to, ahem, "service" her.

[/ QUOTE ]

Uh, "uckfay emay"?

[elmo]

I think there is a big distinction between dumb and not as smart as you. Its like SAT levels for chosing a school. You want to be somewhere in the school's range, but its not all that matters. I believe that mutual respect is very important, and I can't imagine myself having much respect for someone apathetic or dumb.

I have always been attracted to the smartest/wittiest girls I knew, but when I actually fell in love, it was with a girl who is not as smart as me, but still intelligent, kind/caring, beautiful, interested, and hard-working. These are all factors that can lead to a fufilling relationship.

[webmonarch]

I only dated one woman who was MUCH smarter than me. I hae to admit, I liked it for the most part. There were some other things that just couldn't be worked out.

ALso, I would have liked an option for "as smart or smarter."

I would never date someone who was less than just marginally below my intelligence level.

[M0n3y0nf1r3]

ATM Im dating a female who has 5 years on me and is Def smarter then I by a good margin, yet it is good times.

[zokbarjazz]

we ain't all straight ballers, playa

[whiskeytown]

I tend to think I'm a pretty smart person...

I cannot HANDLE dumb girls - they drive me bonkers -

I'd take one as smart as me or more so in a heartbeat - RB

[ddubois]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
If I held out for an attractive girl as smart as me , I'd be celibate.

[/ QUOTE ]

Are you sure about that?

[/ QUOTE ]
You win teh prize. (http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/cases.htm)

[MuckerFish]

The smartest thing that ever came out of my last girlfriend's mouth was my cock! She was so dumb it was ridiculous. She was fairly hot though, and the "WTF is she doing with that loser" look I'd get when we went out used to make up for this a little. However after a while, it wasn't nearly enough to make up for the urge to assassinate the dunce every time she opened her pie-hole.

Although I might do a little better than my wife on standardized testing, if you took all aspects of intellegence into account, I'd say she is much smarter than me. And believe me, my life is much happier now.

[MikeSmith]

its annoying as hell to date a [censored], the sex was usuually good but that can only really get you through the first month or so. I like smart or smarter personally, less annoying.

[Jack of Arcades]

my best relationship was a girl smarter than me. it was awesome. the conversations were amazing

[KDawgCometh]

[ QUOTE ]


I would have liked an option for "as smart or smarter."



[/ QUOTE ]


I agree with this fully. Personally, I have no problems if I had a gf/wife that made more then me and/or was smarter then me. I don't see the bfd about being with a girl like that, the whole I'm a man I have to be the bread winner is lame IMO. If I am the breadwinner cool, if I'm not, cool, doesn't change any feelings that I'd have towards her

I personally can't stand dumb people and usually end up insulting them even if I have just met them(its too easy sometimes and they are too dumb to notice).

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]


I would have liked an option for "as smart or smarter."



[/ QUOTE ]


I agree with this fully.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, I almost structured the poll to have inbetween answers like this...but I thought I'd just keep it simple. I think the "breadwinner" and "guys date dumber girls" concepts are outdated by decades if anything. One of my friends is married to a dentist who makes almost twice as much as he does, and he loves it (plus she's nice and a hottie.) Just because you're dating June Cleaver or the local waitress doesn't mean she's dumber than you - so much for Paglia's BS (she was mostly writing about a backlash against feminism and how women CEO's can't get dates, but I digress).

I think that most people like to date people similar to them in most respects (intelligence, physical attractiveness, interests, sense of humor, etc.) This is nothing new. And if they're significantly smarter or hotter or better at p***r, then so much the better. I think I'll tell my girl that her mom was either full of it / antiquated / jealous of her, and that guys today find intelligence attractive. Except for the Notorious BIG. Thanks for the discussion.

[Scotch78]

If I ever find a girl as smart as me, I'm proposing.

Scott

[d10]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
If I held out for an attractive girl as smart as me , I'd be celibate.

[/ QUOTE ]

Are you sure about that?

[/ QUOTE ]
You win teh prize. (http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/cases.htm)

[/ QUOTE ]

That's great. Also, I agree with the OP. I don't think I've ever met a girl who was as smart or smarter than me. It would be great if I did, but that's unlikely to happen.

[Boris]

I think it's the other way around. Girls don't like to date guys who are dumber than they are.