Scew in a lightbulb... (jokes)

[bholdr]

Q: How any Skateboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Thre... One to do it, two to film it.


Q: How many Hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: What, you don't know?


got any good ones?

[craig r]

How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Hey, wanna go to the mall?

craig

[tonypaladino]

[ QUOTE ]
How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Hey, a blue car!

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

[craig r]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Hey, a blue car!

craig

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, I knew i would fck it up. Thanks for fixing it.

craig

[smoore]

How many professional poker players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one, he holds the lightbulb up and the whole [censored] world revolves around him.

[Aces McGee]

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: "Never mind, I'll just sit here in the dark."

Q: How many straight waiters in San Francisco does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Both of them.

Q: How man Zen masters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two; one to screw in the lightbulb, and one not to screw it in.

Q: How many mystery novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two; one to screw it almost all the way in, and one to give it a final twist at the end.

(A family friend was working on a lightbulb jokebook; these are the ones I remember.)

-McGee

[fluxrad]

Q. How many rockabillies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Three. One to screw it in and two to talk about how cool lighbulbs were in the 50's.


Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Two. But don't ask me how they get in there.

[bholdr]

Q: how many surfers does it take to screw in a light bulv?

A: whatever. you shoulda been here yesterday.

[IHateKeithSmart]

How many male chauvenists does it take to screw in a kitchen lightbulb?

None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

[Brain]

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.

[Punker]

How many Arts students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but he gets full course credit for it.

[TheIrishThug]

how many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
none, u cry better in the dark.

[MonkeeMan]

Q: How many Aggies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Aggies don't screw in lightbulbs, Aggies screw in pickup trucks.

[nothumb]

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw in the light bulb, and one to suck my dick.

There was also a Quaker version of this where the issue goes to a drawn out business meeting, it's like 4 pages long, only funny if you're a Quaker and over 40 years old, and the point is that Quakers have a lot of committees and that sort of [censored].

NT

[shant]

Q: How many graphic designers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Why does the [censored] client want to change the lightbulb?!

[Mangatang]

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnet woman?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

[private joker]

How many film editors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, it's fine the way it is

[craig r]

Q: How many skeptics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: What lightbulb?

In Soviet Russia, lightbulb screws you!

[tonypaladino]

Yakov,

LOL

[Big_Jim]

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One.

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Fish.

[housenuts]

Q: how many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: just one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

[housenuts]

Q: how many people does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: just one. it's a fvcking lightbulb. what the fvck?

[tonypaladino]

How many executives does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

That's really up to the Board of Directors to decide.

[ohnonotthat]

How many teamsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?

- Four, you got a [censored] problem with that ?



How many pychotherapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?

- Just one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.

[tonypaladino]

How many OOT mods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

5. [censored] starts screwing around but then vanishes, Mat goes up to try but gets his beard stuck in the socket, meanwhile Astroglide is hurling Ninga starts at Mat to try to cut the beard loose, but Dynasty sees a poker card in Mat's pocket and picks up the whole room and moves it to NVG. Commodus gives a thumbs down. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[bholdr]

[ QUOTE ]
How many OOT mods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

5. [censored] starts screwing around but then vanishes, Mat goes up to try but gets his beard stuck in the socket, meanwhile Astroglide is hurling Ninga starts at Mat to try to cut the beard loose, but Dynasty sees a poker card in Mat's pocket and picks up the whole room and moves it to NVG. Commodus gives a thumbs down.

[/ QUOTE ]

I dunno if this is funny or not, though i AM drunk. (you too?)

[dcasper70]

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Any number, one to hold the bulb and the rest drink until the room spins.

[diebitter]

Q: How many armies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Five. The Germans to start it, the French to give up without really trying, the Italians to start, get nowhere and try again from the other side, the Americans to claim credit for the whole thing cos they flicked the switch to see the new one work, and the British to really do it, and sit down and have a nice cup of tea, and be slightly amused at the others for all the fuss.

[fluxrad]

Q.How many pro-lifer's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A.Three. Two to change the bulb, and one to argue that the lightbulb was lit from the moment they began screwing.

[Crimson]

Q: How many women on PMS does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: 4. It just does!

[Dr. Strangelove]

From Raising Arizona

GLEN: Say, that reminds me! How many Pollacks it

take to screw up a lightbulb?



HI: I don't know Glen, one?


GLEN: Nope, it takes three!



He starts laughing, then catches himself.



... Wait a minute, I told it wrong. Here, I'm startin'

over: How come it takes three Pollacks to screw up a

lightbulb?



HI: I don't know, Glen.





GLEN: Cause they're so damn stupid!

[Luv2DriveTT]

I think this is a huge exception to the no poker rule in OOT, considering the topic it fits perfectly.

How many 2+2 posters does it take to post a hand in Small Stakes?

· 1 to play the hand and to post the hand history
· 14 to share similar experiences of bad beats and how the hand could have been played differently
· 7 to caution about the dangers of checking the turn
· 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in the OP
· 53 to flame the spell checkers
· 41 to correct spelling/grammar flames
· 1 to call the OP a moran
· 6 to argue over whether it's "moran" or "moron" ...
· another 6 to condemn those 6 as Pedantic
· 2 OOT'ers to say "SIIHP" even though its not relevant to the thread
· 156 to send a PM to Mat Sklansky complaining that the posters who said "SIIHP" should be banned
· 109 to post that this forum is not about morons or morans and to please take this discussion to OOT
· 203 to demand that cross posting to B&M forum, micro-limits forum, and HUSH forum about bad beats must be stopped
· 111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all experience bad beats and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this forum
· 306 to debate various things such as if limping in pre-flop is superior, if a donk bet on the turn would have been better, or if this is the right place to win the hand with "the sexy"
· One annoying know it all poster to announce that David Sklansky and Mason Malmoth were wrong in HPFAP, and that Ed Miller is a 26 year old poker noob for advocating betting the OP's turn
· 93 to respond to the know it all's post defending Ed Miller
· 7 to respond to the know it all's post defending David & Mason
· 27 to post URL's where one can see examples proving Ed, David & Mason were right
· 14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
· 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes bad beats relevant to this forum
· 33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures with the exception of one witty change, and add "FYP"
· 12 esteemed 2+2'ers to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the quality of hand posts recently
· 1 Peachy to add 11 new posts within the thread about nothing poker related at all
· 47 responses to Peachy's posts asking her to show her [censored]
· 19 to quote the "FYP" while adding nothing new to the conversation
· 4 to suggest that thread be moved to OOT
· 44 to ask what is a "FAQ"
· 12 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
· 143 to say "Read the FAQ before positing bad beat stories in Small Stakes"
· 1 Commodus to look down upon the entire thread with his thumb down
· 1 forum lurker to bump the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....

TT /images/graemlins/club.gif