How do I tell my parents I'm not happy...

I'm a 21 year old student. I feel that my life isn't going the way I want it to. I don't know exactly how to describe the way i feel the past few years of my life have been pretty unsatisfying. I don't usually feel really really depressed, I just have a general feeling being unfulfilled and insecure. I don't feel very sad or very happy. It's just a dull state of being where I try to push out the voices inside my head. It's just a constant state of feeling "blah" or "meh" if you know what I mean. I'm trying my best to explain this but it's not easy to describe.

There are numerous factors in my life that make me feel this way about myself. I don't feel they are specifically important to mention here but there are a number of issues that hang around my head. I think of them this way. Each one is a small obstacle that gets in my way. If there was only one issue, it would be a small hurdle and it would be relatively easy to just "step" over it. However I feel that each problem piles up on top and creates a big wall that feels almost impossible to get over. I'm pretty sure I can overcome my past problems and get over this. It's not going to be easy and it's going to take a while but I'm confident that I can do it if I try. I'm not quite sure how to do this but I think my parents can help me.

My parents are close to me and I know they care about me. They help me do things I don't know how to do or am too lazy to do, they help me financially and I appreciate that very much. I just don't feel I can open up to them. I'm sure this repression is very common for guys growing up in suburbia. I have friends at school but I don't feel close enough to any of them just to talk about what's on my mind. I don't have a girlfriend and I never had one in the past. Even though I have friends, I still feel I'm trapped inside myself. I don't feel as though I can take my problems to them.

I don't want to make it seem that bad though. I have some very good friends I've made at school but I don't feel I need to talk to them about issues that happened before I met them. They just wouldn't understand the situation as well as my parents would. Just because I can't go to them though doesn't mean they're not good friends. Some would say that you can go to a good friend with any problem, but I don't feel this way. It's just there's nobody I know who I'm that close with. Someday I hope this to be the case but now it is not.

Anyway, I feel my parents, especially my mom can help me. I love them both but my dad has done things that I haven't really forgiven him of (I need to do this). I know he feels bad about what he did and cares about me just as much as my mom but she's more, well, innocent. It's hard for me to do this because I've been such a closed person for most of my teen years and into my early twenties. I hide my discontent by joking around and making life seem less serious than it is. My parents and friends have come to know my quiet but dry and sarcastic sense of humour. Most of the time I don't even think about how I act and how I appear to others because I've been living like this for such a long time now. But then there are times (like now) where I just kick myself for living such a crappy life. I think to myself that I can change and I owe it to myself to change. I just need to stop being so passive and neutral. I need to grow up and face my problems. This is why I'm writing this post.

Again, I know my parents can help me but I just need to ask them for it. I feel so embarassed and ashamed admitting my weakness to them yet I feel that they would understand and I also do not think they would be surprised. There's just something about this that I think they can see in my day to day appearance even though I never blatantly come out and say to them, "Help me, I don't like myself and I want to change."

Okay up to this point I've made my life seem to be really bad and it's not. I have hobbies and friends. I've been relatively successful in poker over the last year and I'm proud of myself for that. Also from time to time I find myself having lots of fun and totally forgetting about my problems. However, there is a lot of down time in college for me to be by myself and they don't just go away.

I'm going home for Thanksgiving soon and I figure I need to talk to them about it sometime. Any thoughts on how I can do this? It will be very hard for me, no doubt, but it's something that I feel needs to be done...

I sincerely thank anyone who has read this far and thank you even more if you decide to offer a bit of help. If I made anything unclear, and I'm sure I did, just ask and I will try to clarify.

wow, i think we were separated at birth or something because that's almost the exact same situation i'm in down to every detail, except i'm 23 and stuff.

my problem with telling my parents stuff is it gets passed around, from one to the other, and sometimes on to other family members. thus i am very closed off to them about personal issues.

however since i have a better connection with my mom than dad, and i don't really have friends to bitch to (i really only have one strong one, and he's just a listener, not an advice giver), i'll tell my mom on the condition that she just keeps it to herself, and that usually works.

i've also found that sometimes i'll tell my dad some things and my mom others, based on my relationship with them. like i'll talk to my mom about getting a job or school (she was a teacher so that helps) and i'll talk to my dad about, say, getting a car or girls (though that's pretty rare, he can't keep his mouth shut).

when i got my B.S. in stats i felt it's what i wanted to do, but now finishing up my M.S. i'm really pretty blah about it. i started poker to make some money, have fun, and as a longshot career hope (hah!). i really don't want to DO anything with my life is the problem, nothing really gets me that excited that would be a possible career (i mean i like certain music but that's a huge longshot, so i'm being realistic). if i could sit around all day that's be fine by me.

it may be better to tell your mom not to tell anyone else, that makes it more comfortable. my parents sound a lot like yours, my dad is a bit too strict and my mom a bit too easy. if it goes ok, one idea may be to have her tell your dad, and see if your dad can initiate some conversation about it, or whatever.

anyway, i'll stop yammering.

[chesspain]

The best advice I can give is for you to talk to a trained mental health professional at school. I would imagine that a school the size of USC would have a free or low cost mental health clinic for students.

[Buccaneer]

You sound like you are somewhat depressed. This may or may not be brought about by what ever issue that you have with your Dad.

Someone suggested that you seek counseling at USC. This is good advice and you should look into it. They probably have some type of medical clinic that you should visit and have a complete physical and blood work done. This can help rule out physical problems. It would probably be free through student services.

You may also be your typical young adult that doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. This too can cause you to be come depressed as well.

Please take the time and effort to look into this. If you do nothing then nothing will change.

Post deleted by chesspain

[krishanleong]

[ QUOTE ]
The best advice I can give is for you to talk to a trained mental health professional at school. I would imagine that a school the size of USC would have a free or low cost mental health clinic for students.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is very good advice. Please get help from someone with training and expertise.

Krishan

[Hoopster81]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't have a girlfriend and I never had one in the past.

[/ QUOTE ]

I read the first half of your post and skimmed the rest, but this line stuck out in my mind.

(If I am way off base here then please disregard my post)

Up until the point that I started having physical relationships with girls, I was a very unpleasant person to be around. My self-esteem was low and I was extremely insecure about how I looked and acted around people (especially girls).

One thing I have come to learn is that everything in life is about confidence. School, sex, poker, anything. So, the correct play is to increase your confidence. Easier said than done, perhaps, but I have a couple things that worked for me.

-Work out. A LOT. Once you start to feel good about the way your body looks, you will be amazed at what other aspects of your mental state change.

-At first, talk to girls that you know are below your level (good game selection). Use them strictly to build your confidence.

Again, this may not apply to you at all (you might be banging everything that moves). Your post just amde me think of this period in my life asnd I wanted to share what worked for me in my experience.


good luck

[YoungOne]

I agree with the other posts, go talk to a mental health counselor. You might be depressed.

I once felt like you too and got out of it by listening to some music. Have you ever heard of Linkin Park. Check out "Somewhere I belong." It pretty much describes how you are feeling right now. I listened to it when I felt like you and it really helped me get out of that depressed feeling.

-YoungOne

[ZenMusician]

[ QUOTE ]
I agree with the other posts, go talk to a mental health counselor instead of posting on a gambling website in a forum that *should* be limited to gaming and gambling psychology

[/ QUOTE ]

FYP

-ZEN

[ QUOTE ]
One of my most favorite things to look forward
to when I travel the 120 miles to Foxwoods is
the chicken fingers! I always ask for the sweet
and sour sauce too...and I know they have a button
or code for it because it worked once before. I
invariably get ranch. Most of the time I can
exchange it for the sweet and sour, but sometimes
the ranch is there for a reason...they are OUT of
sweet and sour sauce! It kinda actually ruins the
session...

-ZEN

[/ QUOTE ]

[AAmaz0n]

It sounds like you are considering some fairly significant changes and have been bothered by whatever it is that the voices have been telling you for some time. It is common for undergrads to go through a lot of growing pains as they establish their own identity, and it can be comforting to know that you are not alone in this and that there are folks that can help you.

I am a USC grad, and can tell you first hand that the counseling center does an excellent job of helping students deal with their issues. They are located in the old YWCA building SW across the parking lot from the bookstore. What you discuss with them is totally confidential and private.

I went through some pretty radical changes while at SC, and can identify with having difficulty figuring out who to talk to that can understand and be trusted. In some cases, people that I didn't think would be positive came around to give way more support than I expected and others were somewhat of a disappointment.

The great thing about the counselors is that they are professional about being totally supportive and non-judgemental. You can be sure that they will not make fun of your situation and are there to help you feel better and make positive progress towards what will make you happy.

If you are concerned that your parents might freak out at what you are going to tell them, it wouldn't hurt to bounce it off of someone like a trained councelor that you know won't react negatively. It might help you think through how you are going to present things to your folks.

There are some things that you said that sound very similar to what I went through; it could be that I'm just projecting or just that so many types of personal change sound the same. In any case; feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it or think that I can point you to some resources. I wound up working with some community groups and peer support groups in areas that I was struggling with, so I know some additional places on and off campus to get help here around LA.

Hope that this helps, and remember:

Fight On! /images/graemlins/cool.gif

Shauna

[Blarg]

I think those feelings are way more common than you know. But that doesn't mean they're easy or fun to handle.

Talking to a mental health counselor is probably a good idea. Taking charge of your problems in this way is much better than just drifting along and hoping one day they'll somehow clear up. Your post here looks like a step in that direction.

Instead of trying to reinvent the wheel on health and happiness all by yourself, let a mental health professional contribute their expertise and help carry some of that weight. Not all of them will be the right one for you, but you should be able to find a match even if the first one doesn't seem to click with you.

Your honesty in acknowledging the things that are bothering you is itself a very important step in working toward making them better, and will be a big help to your counselor, too. Keep on taking the initiative.

[sledghammer]

Graduating college, for me, feels a lot like graduating high school. Terrible. You can do what i do to relieve the stress of your unfinished senior project: learn to smoke cigarettes, drink excessively and at every opportunity, golf, and listen to good music. I still haven't finished my senior project though(statisticks) so what do i know. But i doubt your parents can help you, just got to rely on your deadbeat friedns and your likeminded acquaintences.

[BigBiceps]

[ QUOTE ]
i really don't want to DO anything with my life is the problem, nothing really gets me that excited that would be a possible career

[/ QUOTE ]

To the opening two posters: Think about it now, or else in 10 years from now, you can be stuck in some boring job. /images/graemlins/frown.gif

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i really don't want to DO anything with my life is the problem, nothing really gets me that excited that would be a possible career

[/ QUOTE ]

To the opening two posters: Think about it now, or else in 10 years from now, you can be stuck in some boring job. /images/graemlins/frown.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Thinking about it now won't prevent that possibility. It probably won't even decrease it that much.

to the OP, I imagine almost everyone goes through something like that sometime between the ages of 156 and 25. Your parents aren't going to be able to do a thing about it. Talk to a counselor at school to help get through the daily grind and other than that, make a promise to yourself to do something different. It doesn't really matter what, just once a month or so do something you haven't done before.

I agree with the advice to go see a school counselor. When I was 21 and felt very much like you describe, I wish someone had led me by the hand to a counselor . Instead, it took 6 very long years for me to go myself.
Don't be embarrassed, or put it off. Just walk in. That's what they are there for, and they want to help you.

[microbet]

It's impossible to know what the best advice is to give without knowing you, but if I were a gambling man, I would bet that the best advice is to try and relax, try and be as optimistic as you can muster and to understand that nearly everyone goes through something like this at your age or close and it improves over time.

[Mason Hellmuth]

Matt Leinart?

[ QUOTE ]
Matt Leinart?

[/ QUOTE ]
hahahhhaahhaahhah

[intheflatfield]

[ QUOTE ]
Matt Leinart?

[/ QUOTE ]

rofl

[mindflayer]

Consider writing all of the confusion down. YOu are a very good writer, and it may help you to clear your head.
See a councellor as well. Your writing may help him/her to discuss your situation with a better understanding of YOU.

To the OP..I know exactaly how you feel. I'm also 21 and in my 4th year of college and still feel like I have no direction and I have no idea what I want to do for a career. I'm commuting to college and live at home with my parents and have talked to them about this many many times. The truth is that they really don't have much advice other than to stick with school. I can't really blame them for not having any useful advice. They both help me financially too and if it weren't for them I don't know what the hell I would be doing now, possibly not going to college. Right now I'm in a crappy major (communications/electronic media) that really doesn't pay well at all even if I were to graduate with a degree. I really don't know if this is what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I want to get out on my own so bad and get a career going for myself but I feel so lost. I have some friends but, like you, don't really feel that comfortable talking to them about personal things. I also had a break up about a year ago from a 2 year relationship so lately I have really been feeling alone and lost. At least I have found poker as something to do to occupy my time and do pretty good at the lower limits I play. Sometimes all the frustration in career desicions makes you think about becoming a professional poker player ya know? /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[MyTurn2Raise]

check out the forums at quarterlifecrisis.com

interesting stuff