Girl Dilemma

I meant to post this earlier, but it took me a little longer to finish because my conscience kept me from concentrating. Something involving 5000 BB's, whatever those might be.

Anyway.. I'll try to keep it short and to the point. I trimmed my story down to the relevant facts:

The Hero
20 years old. Dutch. Student.. well.. sort of. OK-looking, nothing special. Less attractive than the girl, though.

The Girl
From Moscow. Cute (I've had this confirmed). Intelligent. Brunette, which happens to be our hero's preference. Speaks English. Sweet. Modest. Has moral standards.
Not: connected, a stripper, a hooker, or otherwise after my money.
Previously (four months ago) had a long-term relationship.
We'll call her Natasha.

The Facts
Met her last month when I was visiting for a tournament. Spent a few days with her. It was romantic, especially by my standards. We've called once, maybe twice a week. She wants me to visit again. I will almost certainly be in town anyway at the end of January, regardless of her. The earliest possibility before that will be a month from now, because of exams and visa/passport issues. Cash and time required are basically a non-issue for me. Only issue is that I don't have enough ties to the city to keep me busy on a regular basis if Natasha isn't available. She can come to Holland, but I'd have to pay and it takes considerable time and effort to get a visa.

The Dilemma
Should I pursue a relationship with this girl or not?

Some more points to consider:
- I assume she wants a relationship. But she's a woman, and she's Russian. So I guess I'll never figure her out 100%. She does tell me she thinks about me all the time. I'm fairly positive that if she does want me, she wants me emotionally, not financially.
- If I do start something with her, I'd be committed to a girl I have the OPTION to see once a month, maybe more if I make short visits. This means that 3/4th of the time, if I want her I'm SOL.
- I have no plans to live together at this point in my live, either in Holland or in Russia. Should there be a relationship, I see little future in the short term. But I don't like the idea of committing long-term.
- If I were to engage in a friends with benefits relationship - actually, that's the current status - I'd be free to live my life as I want and sleep with whomever I want. However, I don't want her to to the same, I'd feel hurt. There is even the possibility for me to get away with sleeping around while she doesn't, even if I do tell her. But I'm not sure I could do that to her.
- I'd be in a relationship where more often than not, I don't have the option to be with her. I feel that this point deserves to be stressed twice.

Rereading all this logically points me towards no relationship. That's the advice I would give a friend. Last point: assume I have enough feelings for this girl to make it a close call. I'm gonna have to ask you for guidance. Please elaborate, and point out anything that I might have overlooked. Thanks.

[private joker]

Long-distance relationships are death. They don't work. They never work. They're a recipe for failure, frustration, and bitterness. Unfortunately, you have to let it go or keep it absurdly casual. You're 20. Have some fun.

[diebitter]

Just lighten up!

Have fun with her, make it clear it's fun, go see her, and you guys enjoy yourselves. I'd assume the friends with benefits thing, and go with it. You can't reserve her as yours alone if that's the way it is though - be very, very clear on that - it'll fubar your head if you intend that but can't handle it!

Anything more serious than this...hmmm....Long distance will be a lot of work, obviously, and will mostly lead to problems and failure - so be realistic about that (doesn't mean it's not worth trying, if you really want to, though).

HOWEVER: If you've not done a lot of going out/being with/partying with women before all this though, I'd definitely try and get some of this in. You need to be sure you're not into her cos she's available and a safe option for you. You need to be into her because it's her, if that makes sense.

[Darryl_P]

Dude,

You must understand the phenomenon of Russian women trying to hook up with any half-decent western guy they can find. Type "russian brides" into Google and see what comes up. Read some of the intro material on the sites and think deeply about why those sites exist in such great number. You MUST have 100% understanding of this issue before making a decision.

In a nutshell, you are being deceived. The girl wants out of her hellhole country and you are her ticket. Right now your foreign nationality is the main thing she likes. That being said, she may still fall in love with you and make a good wife, but you will have plenty of similar opportunities later if you're willing to make similar trips. No point rushing things at such a young age. Your personality will change a lot in the next 10 years and so will your values and outlook on life. Getting involved this early in a long-term relationship is very risky indeed. You will still be able to get a hot russian 20 year-old when you're 40. Therefore,

Strong recommendation: fool around with her, have fun with her, but DON'T marry her or make any other type of long-term commitments at this stage. You must be strong because she desperately wants those things and will use all of her womanly prowess to try to get them.

Good luck in any case.

long distance relationships require a lot of compromise. both of you need to put in the same amount of effort into the relationship. you both will have to make a lot of sacrifices..like you'll need put aside some time to talk to her on the phone/online and sometimes you won't be able to go out with the boys. but the point is this long distance relationship will only work if you both aren't bitter about those sacrifices and are willing to make them to make each other happy.

anyway, i think it'll be really hard to start a relationship this way, but in the end it really depends on how you feel about each other. be realistic.

[ QUOTE ]
However, I don't want her to to the same, I'd feel hurt.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ah, yea old double standard. How I love thee.

[housenuts]

do you always refer to yourself as the hero? i don't know if girls dig this. maybe crazy moscow whooores do though.

what is your success rate with picking up other women? is this like some total fluke or can you get other women fairly regularly?

the whole situation sounds like desperation to me. you've only met her once...wtf. i would see her again and see how things go. if it's unreal and u can't stop thinking about her maybe entertain some of your options.

until then although maybe i'd think about her, i wouldn't worry about it.

[ChipWrecked]

I was going to answer, but then I read Darryl P's post.


What he said.

Darryl_P,

You are a mega-hippocrite dude... On the politics forums you posted:
[ QUOTE ]
Every day I wake up with a new hope that maybe a few Americans will realize that unconstrained emancipation of women leads to chaos in the form of:

- scattered, incohesive families
- high debt
- excessive consumption
- unfavorable demographics
- erosion of national unity


all of which will lead to the USA imploding on itself, followed by the rest of the western world.

I keep hoping that you guys won't need the economy to collapse (in a way that makes 1929 look like a stroll in the park) to learn this important lesson, but I'm starting to resign myself to the fact that you do.

[/ QUOTE ]

and here you say:

[ QUOTE ]
Strong recommendation: fool around with her, have fun with her, but DON'T marry her or make any other type of long-term commitments

[/ QUOTE ]

I guess there is one rule for the goose and one for the gander. The rationalisation of your immoral behaviour is shoking, even to a commited and militant atheist like myself.

Enough said.

That's not an issue here. Trust me. Future posters, if you think I'm young and stupid and wrong, please still base your advice on the assumption that I'm right. You won't convince me, I'm going with my initial read.

That said, thanks for the responses so far!

[Los Feliz Slim]

[ QUOTE ]

The Hero
20 years old

[/ QUOTE ]

Take comfort in the fact that it really doesn't matter what you do unless you compromise your own morality. So, do whatever, but don't become a liar over this if you aren't one already.

[pokerdirty]

[ QUOTE ]
Not after my money.

[/ QUOTE ]


hahahahahahahahahaha

[Darryl_P]

In the same thread in the politics forum I posted my view that males should live it up and screw around while they are young, and then after hitting full maturity they should settle down and lead the exemplary family life.

The dude who wrote the OP is 20 years old. No contradictions I'm afraid but thanks for trying to find one. I do enjoy being challenged.

What do you mean by the liar comment?

Ive already told one lie in my life.. so i guess i wont have to worry about that

relationship with me =/= having access to my money

Remember I'm only 20.. so far in a couple of days I've spent about 5 bucks on her, give or take

[Darryl_P]

I don't think you're stupid, just young and probably wrong. It takes a long time to learn just how incredibly different an animal a female is than a male, especially given the brainwashing we get in our childhood that says they're basically the same.

It's totally natural for a woman to want a man who can provide a good environment for her future kids. Her role on planet earth is to have kids and raise them in a way that maximizes their happiness. Even if Dutch or American women don't know this (or don't agree or whatever), you can bet your bottom dollar that this Russian girl does. I live in Hungary which is closer to Russia than Holland in this regard.

I imagine it's not a pleasant thought that she's effectively "using" you for what you can provide, but on the other hand you are also "using" her for sex, companionship, raising your kids, and taking care of household chores that you wouldn't want to do yourself. Philosophically you could argue that you both use each other or that neither uses the other. I personally prefer the latter view.

If you feel you are mature enough to make a decision that could last a lifetime, then hats off, but at 20 I find that hard to imagine. Just remember that if you have a child and things go sour, you will have a lot of complications on your hands that will last the rest of your life.

If nothing else, remember the wise saying "if it seems to good to be true, it isn't". But if you've thought it through, fully aware of the disadvantages and pitfalls, and you still say she's right for you, then go for it!

[ QUOTE ]
In the same thread in the politics forum I posted my view that males should live it up and screw around while they are young, and then after hitting full maturity they should settle down and lead the exemplary family life.

The dude who wrote the OP is 20 years old. No contradictions I'm afraid but thanks for trying to find one. I do enjoy being challenged.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes it is a question of what is good for the goose is good for the gander. I guess since you assign different unchangeable roles to man and woman, you do not see the contradiction. I can see that.