View Full Version : THIS is how you parent.
A lot of people say this is a form of mental abuse. Personally, I applaud this kind of parenting. What do you all think?
link (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051117/ap_on_re_us/girl_on_corner)
Clarkmeister
11-17-2005, 01:52 AM
That's awesome. The girl is lucky to have such a caring Mom.
TheMainEvent
11-17-2005, 01:53 AM
Yeah that's not bad, how about make her do the HW instead? She's not getting anything done standing out there with the sign.
imported_anacardo
11-17-2005, 01:54 AM
I know that by the time I was her age, there's nobody on this Earth who could make me do that. Luckily, I cared about school, so I doubt it would have come up.
From a parent's perspective? I have no children. I can't imagine doing this. I can't imagine having the sort of children who need this done. I'm at a loss.
MasterShakes
11-17-2005, 02:00 AM
[ QUOTE ]
I know that by the time I was her age, there's nobody on this Earth who could make me do that. Luckily, I cared about school, so I doubt it would have come up.
From a parent's perspective? I have no children. I can't imagine doing this. I can't imagine having the sort of children who need this done. I'm at a loss.
[/ QUOTE ]
I agree. And I will add the question - what does this do to improve her behavior exactly? Sure, it's embarassing, but it can be avoided by a simple "no, I won't do that."
Good for her. I love creative parenting.
This is stupid.
I've seen grown men made to do this, but at least then, nobody thought it was gonna change them. This is punishment by embarrasment, and no - I don't think its an effective parenting tool, at all.
I'd have told my parents exactly what they could do with that sign.
This isnt mental abuse... or, at least no more than "you can't watch TV" is. But I don't think its anymore useful than grounding/taking away privleges/etc.
Who knows. I don't have kids. But this wouldn't have worked with me.
ripdog
11-17-2005, 02:19 AM
[ QUOTE ]
A lot of people say this is a form of mental abuse. Personally, I applaud this kind of parenting. What do you all think?
link (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051117/ap_on_re_us/girl_on_corner)
[/ QUOTE ]
It's nothing but a gimmick and won't work. The reason that the kid is a spoiled rotten little brat is that her parents didn't raise her right. The sign should read:
My parents did a [censored] job of raising me and are making me stand out here with this sign so they don't have to admit it to themselves.
Wouldn't it have been easier to have been a good parent and raise a child that didn't talk smack to their teachers in the first place?
mikeyvegas
11-17-2005, 02:31 AM
Retarded. The mom should have been this creative when her child was 7.
imported_anacardo
11-17-2005, 02:33 AM
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Wouldn't it have been easier to have been a good parent and raise a child that didn't talk smack to their teachers in the first place?
[/ QUOTE ]
I talked smack to my teachers, and was an excellent student.
[ QUOTE ]
A lot of people say this is a form of mental abuse. Personally, I applaud this kind of parenting. What do you all think?
link (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051117/ap_on_re_us/girl_on_corner)
[/ QUOTE ]
My first thought was that you have serious psychological problems if you think this is good parenting.
My second and third thoughts have been similar.
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Wouldn't it have been easier to have been a good parent and raise a child that didn't talk smack to their teachers in the first place?
[/ QUOTE ]
I talked smack to my teachers, and was an excellent student.
[/ QUOTE ]
Oops, read it again, my point flew way over your head.
imported_anacardo
11-17-2005, 02:39 AM
I fail to see how. You seem to conflate mouthing off to one's instructors with being a poor student. I'm here to tell you that that isn't necessarily the case. Am I missing anything?
[ QUOTE ]
I fail to see how. You seem to conflate mouthing off to one's instructors with being a poor student. I'm here to tell you that that isn't necessarily the case. Am I missing anything?
[/ QUOTE ]
Yeah, you're missing everything.
The way you treat your teachers has very little to do with how smart you are, and has nothing to do with the story the OP linked to.
My point is that it's much more effective to teach children how to respect other people at a young age, as soon as they learn how to talk and communicate with other people. If you just treat your kids like crap and then, surprise surprise, they turn out to treat other people like crap, it's extremely difficult to get them to behave well after they've grown up.
This is the same nonsense you see on daytime talk shows every day. Children don't learn how to communicate at 14. It's too late now, and it's ridiculous to think that it's anyone's fault but the parents.
jesusarenque
11-17-2005, 02:52 AM
This is stupid. She should just make her do her goddamn homework.
Peter666
11-17-2005, 04:45 AM
I'd love to see a perv offer the daughter money and drive away with her while they both show mom the middle finger in the rear window. Way to go mom.
Jules22
11-17-2005, 04:49 AM
im surprised this worked, if i was 14 i would have torn the sign to shreds and unleashed a horrid stream of profanity. and my mom was very strict and did not let me get away with anything. sometimes a kid is just not gonna do what you tell them to, no matter how your raised them when they were young.
FouTight
11-17-2005, 09:16 AM
Thats a shame really... if she would have known she was going to get so much press, she could have gotten a hell of a Bumvertising (http://www.bumvertising.com/) contract (mild p*ker content)
Matt Flynn
11-17-2005, 09:48 AM
You will, in the future, be amazed at how personality-driven kids are, and how different they come.
Matt Flynn
11-17-2005, 09:52 AM
I do not like public humiliation as a parenting technique. Mom could have easily taken away the tv, the bedroom door, the new jeans.... Motivation comes in many flavors. Public humiliation is not necessary and to me says you are on the world's side against your child. However, if all the rest do not work, do what it takes.
In the case of nonattendance at school, Mom may have done better by going to school and attending classes for a day with her daughter. If daughter doesn't attend, she gets the Mom escort. Unlikely Missy would ever skip class again.
pokerdirty
11-17-2005, 09:55 AM
why hasn't anyone ragged on the hippy who called it in to the police as psychological abuse yet? silly liberals.
vulturesrow
11-17-2005, 09:55 AM
[ QUOTE ]
A lot of people say this is a form of mental abuse. Personally, I applaud this kind of parenting. What do you all think?
link (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051117/ap_on_re_us/girl_on_corner)
[/ QUOTE ]
Speaking as a parent , I dont really see this as something I would think would be very effective. I appreciate the fact that the mom is trying to do something, but by that age I am not sure that this particular tactic will work. As many have said, its probably more effective to teach respect for school and teachers at a young age instead of playing catchup.
canis582
11-17-2005, 09:55 AM
No, THIS is how you parent.
http://www.dragonsabreast.com.au/images/Sydney%20gals%20-%20Paddle%20Salute.jpg
diebitter
11-17-2005, 09:57 AM
When I get a dad problem, I just ask myself
http://www.happyhunter.com/wwpdd.jpg
diebitter
11-17-2005, 09:58 AM
[ QUOTE ]
No, THIS is how you parent.
http://www.dragonsabreast.com.au/images/Sydney%20gals%20-%20Paddle%20Salute.jpg
[/ QUOTE ]
Are they cloning Phil Hellmuth now?
Los Feliz Slim
11-17-2005, 10:05 AM
I think it's more important to teach respect for yourself. Most of the schools I went to and teachers I had were not worthy of much respect, so insisting that I respect morons with clipboards would've smacked of hypocrisy and made me distrust my parents and authority more than I already did. Instead, my parents taught me to give a [censored] about myself. Sometimes a wise decision when you care about yourself means pretending to respect someone you don't.
I don't think making your kid stand on the corner with a sign helps anybody, but it's likely the situation was already too far gone anyway.
Lazymeatball
11-17-2005, 10:14 AM
I just think it's a bad way of embarassing her. A better way would be to make her stand outside of her highschool parking lot in the morining with her mom with a sign saying "Future Crackwhore."
It would be much easier to read than than that long spiel she has on the sign in the article. Passing motorists probably think she's trying to raise money for the rainforest or something dumb.
RunDownHouse
11-17-2005, 10:16 AM
[ QUOTE ]
Mom could have easily taken away the tv, the bedroom door, the new jeans....
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They already made her quit two extracurricular activities. I don't know if its effective parenting or not, but one thing it certainly isn't is "psychologically killing" the girl, as one idiot claimed. Ridiculous.
imported_The Vibesman
11-17-2005, 10:22 AM
Why doesn't she just beat the snot out of the kid?
I am not saying it is wrong but maybe a couple of months in a soup kitchen gets the same message across, does some good for the homeless and does not subject the girl to humiliation.
ripdog
11-17-2005, 01:32 PM
[ QUOTE ]
You will, in the future, be amazed at how personality-driven kids are, and how different they come.
[/ QUOTE ]
As a former kid and now reasonable adult, I think "amazed" is a stretch. Any behavioral problems that I have with my kid can and will be traced back to the source--ME!
These particular parents let things slip away from them and are resorting to a stupid stunt to try to humiliate their kid into bahaving. I've got some bad news for them--it ain't gonna work. You don't fix a problem that is 14 years in the making by hanging a demeaning sign aroung the kid's neck and making them stand on a street corner. It's time for this/these parent(s) to put their foot/feet down and stop accepting the offending behavior. It's going to be a bitch, but that's what they get for not dealing with it early. You think this kid turned into a brat overnight? No, the parents failed and have reaped what was sewn.
Lottery Larry
11-17-2005, 01:37 PM
"The parents of that girl need more education than she does if they can't see that the worst scenario in this case is to kill their daughter psychologically," "
Well, if the kid is that damage mentally, there are bigger problems than this going on.
I thought it was clever, though the last pyschologist might have been correct about catching her being good rather than bad.
Jack of Arcades
11-17-2005, 01:40 PM
This sort of public humiliation usually ends up with the child trying to save face and worsens the behavior.
astroglide
11-17-2005, 01:48 PM
there's no cookbook solution for dealing with people, and parenting is no exception. some people will respond in a positive manner to drill sergeants, and others will cry and kill themselves. some people will excel with modest reinforcement, and others will disrespect and walk all over the person doing it. it totally depends on the parent and the kid. since i don't know them, i don't feel qualified to respond.
this obviously implies that i don't find the situation described here so innately cruel and unusual that it warrants concern or outrage by default.
roxtar
11-17-2005, 02:00 PM
As a former H.S. screw - up, I now wish to God that my parents would've given as much of a damn about me as this kid's mother does about her. In 10 years when she's graduating college she'll be thanking her. She's doing the kid a favor.
imported_anacardo
11-17-2005, 02:00 PM
[ QUOTE ]
there's no cookbook solution for dealing with people, and parenting is no exception. some people will respond in a positive manner to drill sergeants, and others will cry and kill themselves. some people will excel with modest reinforcement, and others will disrespect and walk all over the person doing it. it totally depends on the parent and the kid. since i don't know them, i don't feel qualified to respond.
this obviously implies that i don't find the situation described here so innately cruel and unusual that it warrants concern or outrage by default.
[/ QUOTE ]
This is all good stuff that I'm surprised has been un-addressed up to this point. Why, yes, I suppose our mileage WILL vary. I can imagine the sort of child that this would be helpful for, but I can't imagine that child being any child of mine.
diebitter
11-17-2005, 03:17 PM
[ QUOTE ]
there's no cookbook solution for dealing with people, and parenting is no exception. some people will respond in a positive manner to drill sergeants, and others will cry and kill themselves. some people will excel with modest reinforcement, and others will disrespect and walk all over the person doing it. it totally depends on the parent and the kid. since i don't know them, i don't feel qualified to respond.
[/ QUOTE ]
I agree to some degree, and I assume you're talking about older children, but frankly you do a reasonable job young and the older stuff is about their personality, not about the nauseating, antisocial and stupid behaviours they've been allowed to get away with...
And there are pretty easy guidelines to follow to make yourself a good parent. These include:
Set a good example (eg eat properly so your children eat proper food not junk), set a clear routine (eg meals at the table enforce good eating habits; specific bedtime and bedtime rituals help the kids to sleep well), setting clear boundaries to what is acceptable or not, and clearly linking punishment/reward to those boundaries etc etc. Oh and help them with their homework and schoolwork, and make them feel really good about themselves when they work hard.
And this sounds trivial, but read to them every night. Learning and love of words and stories is a wonderful thing to instill in a small child.
These aren't difficult other than you need to really keep to them.
And as your children grow and develop, anyone with a decent brain will be able to realise the nature of their own children and adapt how to help them grow accordingly.
But, let's face it, fk-ups and tards just produce fk-ups and tards.
Jack of Arcades
11-17-2005, 03:33 PM
Obviously there's no set algorithm with anything dealing with people but that doesn't mean there are no guidelines. In general, public humilation just isn't a great solution to behavioral problems. It'll result in usually one of two things.
1) Rebellion to save face
2) Punishment-Avoidance behavior.
Now the kid's learning "don't talk back to the teachers or you'll get humiliated" instead of "respect your teachers because it's the polite thing to do, and you should treat others the way you wish to be treated."
Cosimo
11-17-2005, 05:05 PM
[ QUOTE ]
A lot of people say this is a form of mental abuse. Personally, I applaud this kind of parenting. What do you all think?
link (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051117/ap_on_re_us/girl_on_corner)
[/ QUOTE ]
Positive reinforcement is a farce. (http://www.shearonforschools.com/gold_star_junkies.htm) Get your kids emotionally involved in their own life and making a change is 10x easier. Yay for this mom.
CollinEstes
11-17-2005, 05:11 PM
Isn't her chronic tardiness and pour work ethic really come back to the way she was raised. Maybe the mother should have been next to her holding a sign saying...
"I failed my daughter so I am reduced to publicly humilating her."
Matt Flynn
11-17-2005, 06:12 PM
ripdog,
Time and again I have seen friends with 2-4 children get ones with radically different personalities, even though they were raised essentially the same. Some get in trouble a lot more; some cannot pay attention; some are quiet and attentive; some naturally warm. You can only do so much as a parent, and it is not as easy as it seems.
I also believe it is better to draw hard lines early.
Matt
ripdog
11-17-2005, 06:29 PM
[ QUOTE ]
ripdog,
Time and again I have seen friends with 2-4 children get ones with radically different personalities, even though they were raised essentially the same. Some get in trouble a lot more; some cannot pay attention; some are quiet and attentive; some naturally warm. You can only do so much as a parent, and it is not as easy as it seems.
I also believe it is better to draw hard lines early.
Matt
[/ QUOTE ]
I agree with everything you've said except "you can only do so much as a parent". I think that line is a cop out. As the parent of a 15 month-old boy, I watch his cousins closely. The difference between them is stark. Two of his cousins are quiet and respectful, two are obnoxious little brats. Why the difference? Some of it will be genetic, but how much? Ever watch SuperNanny? She doesn't go in and fix the kids, she fixes the parents.
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