phil_ivey_fan
11-14-2005, 12:52 AM
AEKDBet and I play raquetball often. We are both fairly competitive and he manages to crush me just over 99% of the time with fairly little effort as he was a tennis player as a kid and I suck balls. I have squeaked out 2 wins in the past 3 months and I cherish these moments greatly.
OK, so now for the trip report. This past Thursday, we were playing our usual 1hour session and I had gotten smoked (nothing new) 3 games to ZERO. There are 10 minutes left so we decide to play one last game to 5 but with a wager to make it interesting. Not wanting to lose anything of value (as I was fairly confident I would lose) we decided to wager a dare. The loser had to take a dump in a ziplock bag and hide it in John's room.
Background: John is a mutual friend of ours and is quite often the target of much abuse...mostly AEKDBet, but I'll pick on him occasionally. You know the game "you flinched" kinda stuff...this is a constant thing with AEKDBet and John. Frequent are the fake hockey checks when passing in the hallway and John is very scared of AEKDBet. Two months or so ago, AEKDBet was drunk in the hall and John was just standing there in the hall talking to a girl or something. AEKDBet walks up and just whacks John righ in the taco with his foot. John goes down and AEKDBet walks off and I laugh hysterically. OK, so basically, innocent John was at the wrong place at the wrong time...our minds and in the middle of a fierce battle of raquetball.
So after a 6 minute battle, I lost 5-1. [censored]. Looks like I'm crapping in a bag tomorrow morning. That night we and a bunch of our friends go out and drink heavily from the local fraternity watering hole and I wake up the next morning with the feeling you get on christmas morning. I hop out of bed and march down from my loft with a hop in my step, but only a slight one as I feel a very nasty beer bomb brewing in my large intestine. I do the usual... check email, start the coffee maker, grab a ziplock bag and off I head to the crapper.
Not sure if it was the shear adrenaline or what, but I couldn't get more than a few squirts before clamming up. So I plant round 1 of however many it takes in the cabinet of the girls bathroom located right outside his room (we live in a frat house btw which I am gladly moving out of in 3 weeks).
http://128.61.99.133/2p2/raquetball/3a.jpg
OK, so back I head to my room to browse cnn and google news as I enjoy my cup of coffee and prepare for round 2. I like coffee and its a great laxitive so its like the whole 2 birds one stone feeling of awesomeness this morning. Anyways, 45 minutes later and round 2 is rapidly approaching as I my leg shakes uncontrollably as I hold it in til the very last minute. With no time to spare I bolt to the girls bathroom again and grab my little bag and prepare to release the rest of last night's wrath into it. I open the bag and immediately the room fills with possible the most putrid and vile smell I've smelled since 10th grade chemistry when the teach mixes sulfur and some other stuff. K, so pop crack pop and the bag is now full and sealed and the bag condensates from the steam of my poop.
http://128.61.99.133/2p2/raquetball/2a.jpg
I decided to double bag it before placing it back in the cabinet as to avoid a possible "search from suspicion of smell" from another frat bro. Now I head off to lab for the next 4 hours and as I'm wrapping up there I get a call from AEKDBet (asking about tonites plans etc) and I inform him of the little treat I left him under the sink in the girls bathroom. He starts laughing hysterically. Anyway, the rest of the story goes like this. I typed up an anonymous note that ready "YOU'VE BEEN HAD BY THE DOOKIE-BANDIT...". Next I placed the bag and note under his desk while he was at dinner or something and made off unnoticed.
http://128.61.99.133/2p2/raquetball/1a.jpg
On Saturday I moved the bag to sit on top of his desktop so it would be hidden a little better. Its been almost 3 days and no word on the bag of poop. I'm going to check it out tomorrow while he's at class and see if he noticed it, but I'm fairly certain he hasn't as I'm almost certain I would have heard by now.
LESSONS LEARNED...
1)stand up for yourself so ppl like me and AEKDBet dont fuk with you just for shits and giggles.
2)poop smells, so if ever attempting to poop in bag, make sure to get it all in there in one round.
I will update later this week if a confrontation occurs upon discovery.
EDIT:
update: I was just informed that last night the bag was found and apparently John wasn't that pissed off. So f-ing typical. If he played P@#$er he'd surely be weak tight.
OK, so now for the trip report. This past Thursday, we were playing our usual 1hour session and I had gotten smoked (nothing new) 3 games to ZERO. There are 10 minutes left so we decide to play one last game to 5 but with a wager to make it interesting. Not wanting to lose anything of value (as I was fairly confident I would lose) we decided to wager a dare. The loser had to take a dump in a ziplock bag and hide it in John's room.
Background: John is a mutual friend of ours and is quite often the target of much abuse...mostly AEKDBet, but I'll pick on him occasionally. You know the game "you flinched" kinda stuff...this is a constant thing with AEKDBet and John. Frequent are the fake hockey checks when passing in the hallway and John is very scared of AEKDBet. Two months or so ago, AEKDBet was drunk in the hall and John was just standing there in the hall talking to a girl or something. AEKDBet walks up and just whacks John righ in the taco with his foot. John goes down and AEKDBet walks off and I laugh hysterically. OK, so basically, innocent John was at the wrong place at the wrong time...our minds and in the middle of a fierce battle of raquetball.
So after a 6 minute battle, I lost 5-1. [censored]. Looks like I'm crapping in a bag tomorrow morning. That night we and a bunch of our friends go out and drink heavily from the local fraternity watering hole and I wake up the next morning with the feeling you get on christmas morning. I hop out of bed and march down from my loft with a hop in my step, but only a slight one as I feel a very nasty beer bomb brewing in my large intestine. I do the usual... check email, start the coffee maker, grab a ziplock bag and off I head to the crapper.
Not sure if it was the shear adrenaline or what, but I couldn't get more than a few squirts before clamming up. So I plant round 1 of however many it takes in the cabinet of the girls bathroom located right outside his room (we live in a frat house btw which I am gladly moving out of in 3 weeks).
http://128.61.99.133/2p2/raquetball/3a.jpg
OK, so back I head to my room to browse cnn and google news as I enjoy my cup of coffee and prepare for round 2. I like coffee and its a great laxitive so its like the whole 2 birds one stone feeling of awesomeness this morning. Anyways, 45 minutes later and round 2 is rapidly approaching as I my leg shakes uncontrollably as I hold it in til the very last minute. With no time to spare I bolt to the girls bathroom again and grab my little bag and prepare to release the rest of last night's wrath into it. I open the bag and immediately the room fills with possible the most putrid and vile smell I've smelled since 10th grade chemistry when the teach mixes sulfur and some other stuff. K, so pop crack pop and the bag is now full and sealed and the bag condensates from the steam of my poop.
http://128.61.99.133/2p2/raquetball/2a.jpg
I decided to double bag it before placing it back in the cabinet as to avoid a possible "search from suspicion of smell" from another frat bro. Now I head off to lab for the next 4 hours and as I'm wrapping up there I get a call from AEKDBet (asking about tonites plans etc) and I inform him of the little treat I left him under the sink in the girls bathroom. He starts laughing hysterically. Anyway, the rest of the story goes like this. I typed up an anonymous note that ready "YOU'VE BEEN HAD BY THE DOOKIE-BANDIT...". Next I placed the bag and note under his desk while he was at dinner or something and made off unnoticed.
http://128.61.99.133/2p2/raquetball/1a.jpg
On Saturday I moved the bag to sit on top of his desktop so it would be hidden a little better. Its been almost 3 days and no word on the bag of poop. I'm going to check it out tomorrow while he's at class and see if he noticed it, but I'm fairly certain he hasn't as I'm almost certain I would have heard by now.
LESSONS LEARNED...
1)stand up for yourself so ppl like me and AEKDBet dont fuk with you just for shits and giggles.
2)poop smells, so if ever attempting to poop in bag, make sure to get it all in there in one round.
I will update later this week if a confrontation occurs upon discovery.
EDIT:
update: I was just informed that last night the bag was found and apparently John wasn't that pissed off. So f-ing typical. If he played P@#$er he'd surely be weak tight.