to the restaurant people...fine line: stalking vs. initiative

[sledghammer]

....or THERES A FINE LINE BETWEEN STALKING AND INITIATIVE.

so i met this girl thursday night. we rapped for quite some time, and we really hit it off. Unfortunately, her friend dragged her out of the bar 'all of the sudden.' I managed to get her name at the last minute, and i know(from our discussion) that she works as a line cook in an upscale restaurant next door to the bar. I didn't get her number. How appropriate is it to contact a restaurant and ask for a cook? is the hostess going to connect me or tell me to [censored] off? is this appropriate?

[phixxx]

Pull a taxi driver.

[edfurlong]

This will catch her [censored] at work 90 percent of the time.

Isnt your play obvious? You've got to do the stake-out

[diebitter]

[ QUOTE ]
Isnt your play obvious? You've got to do the stake-out

[/ QUOTE ]

and post the pictures/video here.

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Isnt your play obvious? You've got to do the stake-out

[/ QUOTE ]

and post the pictures/video here.

[/ QUOTE ]

Agreed, QFE.

[GoblinMason (Craig)]

Isn't anyone going to state the obvious "How the [censored] did you not get her number?"

[radek2166]

Stalker.

[TheMetetron]

[ QUOTE ]
I managed to get her name at the last minute

[/ QUOTE ]

Why did you not do this early in the conversation?

[Lazymeatball]

Why don't you go to the restauraunt casually with friends and ask the waitress/hostess if they know her, if she's working etc.?

[Hellrazor]

3rd choice. Desperation.

If you really think she's worth all that - your only play is to head back to the same bar next to her work next thursday. Sit near the front - you'll see her if she comes in and maybe catch her if she is leaving the restaurant (you said it was next door right?).

Make sure you have a good time even if you don't see her.
And next time get the digits early....

[Arnfinn Madsen]

[ QUOTE ]
Stalker.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ok, I officially declare myself a stalker. I would not hesitate to call there and ask her for her number. Why do people think that is bad? (Of course if she would not give me the number I would not call again or go to that restaurant to look for her)

Never thought that these things could be considered bad until reading OOT, and I still don't get it. That you actively try to get what you want instead of just letting life happen has never been bad in my book.

[trying2learn]

If her girlfriend, "pulled her away" before you could get her number - she was probably in on it. If she wanted your number, she likely would've hinted or something. Odds are you didn't have the connection you thought. Sorry...

Hopefully I'm wrong though...go stalk her.

[IggyWH]

[ QUOTE ]
If her girlfriend, "pulled her away" before you could get her number - she was probably in on it. If she wanted your number, she likely would've hinted or something. Odds are you didn't have the connection you thought. Sorry...

Hopefully I'm wrong though...go stalk her.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sadly, most dudes just write this off as being cockblocked by the friend, when in reality, 99% of the time the friend comes in because she gets the signal to come in.

Mostly the only time you get truly cockblocked without the girl your talking to not know anything about it is if the girl is totally wasted. She probably won't remember you anyways.

[radek2166]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Stalker.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ok, I officially declare myself a stalker. I would not hesitate to call there and ask her for her number. Why do people think that is bad? (Of course if she would not give me the number I would not call again or go to that restaurant to look for her)

Never thought that these things could be considered bad until reading OOT, and I still don't get it. That you actively try to get what you want instead of just letting life happen has never been bad in my book.

[/ QUOTE ]

I really think their is nothign wrong with calling or going in. It just seems noadays people over react to [censored].

[hyde]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Stalker.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ok, I officially declare myself a stalker. I would not hesitate to call there and ask her for her number. Why do people think that is bad? (Of course if she would not give me the number I would not call again or go to that restaurant to look for her)

Never thought that these things could be considered bad until reading OOT, and I still don't get it. That you actively try to get what you want instead of just letting life happen has never been bad in my book.

[/ QUOTE ]

I really think their is nothign wrong with calling or going in. It just seems noadays people over react to [censored].

[/ QUOTE ]

She is working the line. hot sweaty, no make up. nnot only does she not want to see you like this, you are not ready to see her like this.
You give a note to the hostess;
"I really enjoyed talking with you the other night and wished I had asked for your number. Here's mine. I hope we can talk again. Plus I'm curious what you look like naked."

or you can leave out the naked part.

[tom441lbk]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Stalker.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ok, I officially declare myself a stalker. I would not hesitate to call there and ask her for her number. Why do people think that is bad? (Of course if she would not give me the number I would not call again or go to that restaurant to look for her)

Never thought that these things could be considered bad until reading OOT, and I still don't get it. That you actively try to get what you want instead of just letting life happen has never been bad in my book.

[/ QUOTE ]

I really think their is nothign wrong with calling or going in. It just seems noadays people over react to [censored].

[/ QUOTE ]

She is working the line. hot sweaty, no make up. nnot only does she not want to see you like this, you are not ready to see her like this.
You give a note to the hostess;
"I really enjoyed talking with you the other night and wished I had asked for your number. Here's mine. I hope we can talk again. Plus I'm curious what you look like naked."

or you can leave out the naked part.

[/ QUOTE ]



but why /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[Guy Incognito]

[ QUOTE ]
That you actively try to get what you want instead of just letting life happen has never been bad in my book.

[/ QUOTE ]
It's not bad, at least not to anyone whose opinion matters anyway.

Leaving a message with the hostess sounds like the best play... assuming she will actually GET the message.

[siccjay]

[ QUOTE ]

You give a note to the hostess;
"I really enjoyed talking with you the other night and wished I had asked for your number. Here's mine. I hope we can talk again. Plus I'm curious what you look like naked."

or you can leave out the naked part.

[/ QUOTE ]

She won't call either way. This play is bad.

Don't call, go to the resturaunt and get her # in person. I do agree though that there is a better chance she gave the signal for her friend to save her.

[diebitter]

Dress in navy whites, and go in with a ghetto blaster the size of a small car, blasting 'love lift us up where we belong', pick her up, and carry her out.

[HopeydaFish]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

You give a note to the hostess;
"I really enjoyed talking with you the other night and wished I had asked for your number. Here's mine. I hope we can talk again. Plus I'm curious what you look like naked."

or you can leave out the naked part.

[/ QUOTE ]

She won't call either way. This play is bad.

Don't call, go to the resturaunt and get her # in person. I do agree though that there is a better chance she gave the signal for her friend to save her.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yup, this is the correct answer. I'm curious as the what the OP believes is the reason the friend pulled him away. I can't think of any reason other than the girl giving her friend a signal to save her.

[Cry Me A River]

No reputable place of business will give out an employee's phone number. Ever.

You need to meet her again and ask for her number in person.

[sexypanda]

I think the best move is to go eat at the restaurant on a night she's likely to be working there. If you know she was working before you met her at the bar, go the next week. Take a girl you're friends with. When you get there say that you know X and ask if she's working that night. If the waitress says yes, when placing your order tell the waitress that you want X to surprise you with whatever she recommends, say that you trust she'll make a good decision. Most probably, X will come out to see who you are. You'll be eating with a girl (which at this point you can make it ambiguous to X whether you're on a date). Now you can start causually flirting with X. After the meal, you can then go up to her individually, thank her for whatever she gave you, and get her number, etc.

[HopeydaFish]

[ QUOTE ]
I think the best move is to go eat at the restaurant on a night she's likely to be working there. If you know she was working before you met her at the bar, go the next week. Take a girl you're friends with. When you get there say that you know X and ask if she's working that night. If the waitress says yes, when placing your order tell the waitress that you want X to surprise you with whatever she recommends, say that you trust she'll make a good decision. Most probably, X will come out to see who you are. You'll be eating with a girl (which at this point you can make it ambiguous to X whether you're on a date). Now you can start causually flirting with X. After the meal, you can then go up to her individually, thank her for whatever she gave you, and get her number, etc.

[/ QUOTE ]

I always find these complex plans to be amusing for some reason. Probably because they all inevitably end up with the guy looking like a stalker.

I like panda's suggestion.

The hostess will not give out her number. If you leave a note, you've unnecessarily given yourself 2 more ways to lose.

Firstly, she will only call if she's really into you already, rather than just open to giving you a shot. If that were the case, she'd have made sure to leave her number the first night.

Secondly, the note-passer might screw up at some point. You have to rely on her willingness to help you out and do what's in your best interest. The note might not even reach her. You have no way of knowing whether it did. You can't ask the hostess twice. So the second contact attempt would have to be in person anyway. But this creates an awkward situation in case she did receive the note, but decided not to call.

I also like the touch of bringing another girl. Take the most attractive girl you can get to come with you. That way, you have a very solid plan B: sit there and enjoy a good dinner in the company of a nice girl. This saves you face, and adds a little 'I don't care if you like me or not, I've got other options' to your approach.

Of course, as mentioned above, these kind of elaborate schemes have a tendency to turn out different from the initial plan. Invariably this is because women react in unpredictable ways. Kind of reminds me of Seinfeld's menage a trois episode. But hey, that didn't turn out so bad, did it?

[sledghammer]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

You give a note to the hostess;
"I really enjoyed talking with you the other night and wished I had asked for your number. Here's mine. I hope we can talk again. Plus I'm curious what you look like naked."

or you can leave out the naked part.

[/ QUOTE ]

She won't call either way. This play is bad.

Don't call, go to the resturaunt and get her # in person. I do agree though that there is a better chance she gave the signal for her friend to save her.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yup, this is the correct answer. I'm curious as the what the OP believes is the reason the friend pulled him away. I can't think of any reason other than the girl giving her friend a signal to save her.

[/ QUOTE ]

If you had been there you wouldn't have thought so. Im not going to get into any specific reads but it was pretty obvious i could have gotten her number. I think just calling the restaurant is the best idea, instead of some elaborate plan. However, is the hostess just going to tell me that the cook is busy? is it normal to pass the phone to a line cook?

[HopeydaFish]

If you really don't think that her friend was there to "save her", then go to the bar the same day and time that you last saw her. Hopefully this is a regular stop for her.

Don't call the restaurant and ask for her. That'll just get her in trouble and piss her off.

Also, please elaborate on why you didn't think the friend was there to "save her". I've yet to see an instance where the circumstances you described was anything other than a girl being rescued by her friend.

[sexypanda]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I think the best move is to go eat at the restaurant on a night she's likely to be working there. If you know she was working before you met her at the bar, go the next week. Take a girl you're friends with. When you get there say that you know X and ask if she's working that night. If the waitress says yes, when placing your order tell the waitress that you want X to surprise you with whatever she recommends, say that you trust she'll make a good decision. Most probably, X will come out to see who you are. You'll be eating with a girl (which at this point you can make it ambiguous to X whether you're on a date). Now you can start causually flirting with X. After the meal, you can then go up to her individually, thank her for whatever she gave you, and get her number, etc.

[/ QUOTE ]

I always find these complex plans to be amusing for some reason. Probably because they all inevitably end up with the guy looking like a stalker.

[/ QUOTE ]

It works if you can do it. You can even take a date there, you end up impressing them both. First, the date because you know the chef, and if your date's cute, the chef girl'll be more curious to find out what you're all about. At the end of the night, you can then isolate the chef and work out a date with her.

[JimHammer]

If you are going to call or go to the restaurant, do it when they aren't that busy. From 2-4 is usually a good time.