girls are annoying

[irishpint]

ill make this quick. together 4 months. break up for 2 weeks. during those 2 weeks she poses naked for a calender (right...) however it never gets published. now we've been together for 4 more months. Thing is, she is friends with this guy who took pictures of her. naked. he takes her out to dinner and buys. they watch movies together. can i, with justification, do any of the following:
1. ask her if they ever had feelings for each other
2. ask her if they ever hooked up/were in a relationship
3. ask her if he is a complete dork and i have nothing to worry about
4. call her a whore (please say yes)

WHat would you do? How can I explain to her how much this bothers me? Would it bother you?
BTW I am in Tacoma finishing up school and she graduated. We have plans to live together next year when i go to dental school.

Kyle

[billyjex]

he takes her out and buys her dinner now? while you two are together right now? or just during your short split?

there's no way in hell i'd let my girl do that [censored] if its right now.

This should be pretty self explanatory. You need to make it clear to her that if she wants to have a serious relationship with you, this [censored] can't go on. I'm sorry, but girlfriends having relationships like this with other guys just isn't healthy for a monogomous situation.

[irishpint]

[ QUOTE ]
he takes her out and buys her dinner now? while you two are together right now? or just during your short split?

there's no way in hell i'd let my girl do that [censored] if its right now.

[/ QUOTE ]

we're together right now. i think it's insane but she insists that they are friends. she is too stupid, in my opinion, to see that this guy one wants to [censored] her. and he's a creep.

If they are doing boyfriend-girlfriend activities together, he is making his move on her if he hasnt already.

Whatever you ask her about this is a lose-lose. It will make you seem insecure and prying. Instead, just be completely upfront about you not wanting her to do those activities with him anymore. If she says no, she's already chosen him and its no additional loss to you.

[irishpint]

so through 2 replies it looks like the focus is on just stopping it rather than trying to learn more about it and find acceptence. and i'm cool with that.

By no additional loss I mean dump her. Since she has already, in essence, dumped you.

[irishpint]

[ QUOTE ]
By no additional loss I mean dump her. Since she has already, in essence, dumped you.

[/ QUOTE ]

this is a weird point to mention. she talks, every day, about living with me next year, how great it'll be, how she cant wait to marry me, wake up next to me, etc. she already has purchased tickets to see me in nov and jan. oh, and her father cheater on her mother, in front of her, and she insists that she'll leave the instant i cheat on her and she'll never, ever, cheat on me. hmmm

[Jdanz]

the [censored]? come on, putting your foot down here makes you a big tool, if you're going to live with this girl pick your battles. If she's gonna hook up with the guy you're allready [censored], if she's worth dating at all that's not a concern. The only way to lose this battle is to make it one.

[irishpint]

if i was a 'savage' as my housemates say i think this is the play to make.

[Weatherhead03]

Do all 4 and tell her she has to stop seeing him friends or not or its over. Simple as that.

[TripleH68]

[ QUOTE ]
3. ask her if he is a complete dork and i have nothing to worry about

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the worst. When a girl says "we are just friends. Besides he is such a dork you have nothing to worry about."

Just what is that supposed to mean?

[tonypaladino]

Dump her. You don't need problems.

[ QUOTE ]
Do all 4 and tell her she has to stop seeing him friends or not or its over. Simple as that.

[/ QUOTE ]
Skip the whore part. Many girls would rather be hit than called that. I'm not saying you should fight her, but consider it an option if you are trained in martial arts or otherwise certain you wont lose.

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
3. ask her if he is a complete dork and i have nothing to worry about

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the worst. When a girl says "we are just friends. Besides he is such a dork you have nothing to worry about."

Just what is that supposed to mean?

[/ QUOTE ]

Means you are a goat for believing her.

[runner4life7]

back in the days of my x she was just as oblivious as to the other guys intentions. it will be hard to explain to her so good luck, she will most likely get mad but you are justified.

[Jdanz]

seriously, there is often sexual tension between a lot of people be it friends/co-workers/whatever.

Maybe she is attracted to this guy in some way. I guarentee there are other guys she's attracted to, and i'm certain there are other girls you're attracted to. I'll make a leap and bet there are girls who you are friends with that you're attracted to. No big deal, nobody just likes one person at a time.

Luckily if you and your girlfriend are reasonable human beings it's not a terribly difficult hurrdle to get over. You'd be offended if she told you to stop hanging out with a female friend who was in some way attracted to you. Attraction comes in many degrees and if she can't handle something like someone else being attracted to her, much less being attracted to someone else, and remain faithful to you then wtf are we even talking about?

[Jdanz]

how is he justified? even if the girl can't tell does that mean she can't not hook up with people who aren't her boyfriend?

Jesus this board is completely anethma to the concept that women are capable of self-control.

I always read here people talking about being in control and talking to a girl so that she dislikes you, and i have to admit that i see girls that swallow it whole. Still i find that for the most part if i treat a girl with some respect the sentiment is noticed and appreciated.

[irishpint]

[ QUOTE ]
how is he justified? even if the girl can't tell does that mean she can't not hook up with people who aren't her boyfriend?

Jesus this board is completely anethma to the concept that women are capable of self-control.

I always read here people talking about being in control and talking to a girl so that she dislikes you, and i have to admit that i see girls that swallow it whole. Still i find that for the most part if i treat a girl with some respect the sentiment is noticed and appreciated.

[/ QUOTE ]

you seem to be fairly active with this thread and i appreciate it. what would you do here?

self-control doesnt put naked pictures on the internet within 2 weeks of a break

[irishpint]

[ QUOTE ]
self-control doesnt put naked pictures on the internet within 2 weeks of a break

[/ QUOTE ]

actually they aren't on the internet, it was for a calender of college girls in the city she is living in now (in arizona). she claims that the hard copies were destroyed and she has the only digital ones on the computer. if she thinks this guy doesn't have them she is so clueless.

This sounds like an eleborate scheme on his part.... Hmmm, is your girl perhaps a waitress?

[irishpint]

[ QUOTE ]
This sounds like an eleborate scheme on his part.... Hmmm, is your girl perhaps a waitress?

[/ QUOTE ]

she works at a coffee shop. she was actually asked to a dinner party by a customer for this weekend but she said no thankfully. but i think she met this guy when she worked at a museum over the summer with an internship.

[Jdanz]

that's harder. Easy play is nothing, but if it's actually bothering you, then doing something is better then just being pissed for (to what will seem to her) as no reason.

My advice? Say
I think that guy likes you, that's cool that your friends with him, and frankly i don't really care if you ever hooked up with him or not, but it does make me somewhat uncomfotable.

Then in no unequivical terms say, i just wanted to tell you that, so we can be clear that i'm fine with you hanging out with him or whatever you want to do, and i really legitimately won't begrudge your friendship (try to mean that part), but i'm just uncomfortable with the guy personally.

More generally,

it sounds pretty sappy, but make it about you and not about her, because REALLY this is about you and not her. Just say i don't like the guy, but it's your deal, i just don't like the guy. Simple and succinct.

[irishpint]

i like you.

[Jdanz]

i summarized a paragraph on the burr/hamilton incident to a sentence like a month ago, the thanks response was almost as touching.

Seriously though seems like you were thinking in the right direction allready, hope everything works out.

the only thing you can trust a girl to do is to not put herself in situations where feelings for other people might develop. no matter what she says, she is still capable of developing feelings for someone else because feelings can't be controlled.

to the op: i would not try to find out about more about the guy. it won't help your situation at all. what you need to do is tell her you're uncomfortable with her putting herself in those kind of situations. that's all you say. if she really cares for you, she should do whatever it takes to make you not feel uncomfortable. if she doesn't...well, leave her.

[MyTurn2Raise]

Quick thoughts---

She is trying to get you to react in the ways described in #1-4. In this way, you come off like the jerk and she can leave because, in her mind (this is woman's logic BTW), you acted like an ass. She is being passive-aggressive in getting you to blow up and she can leave guilt free and have no feelings for you.

You should both get drunk together, slow dance, get sentimental and sappy or whatever, and confront her with the fact that her relationship with the man in question hurts you because it reminds you of the time you two were separated. She'll either be touched or laugh at your insecurities. Don't be a puss about this though. Let her know you're still the MFM (mother f'ing man) and not a crying emo douche-nozzle. I don't know if she'll stop hanging around the dude, but she'll make it less often if she respects you.

Also, I don't know much about your relationship so my advice might likely suck but I just asked myself, "Self, what would the MFM do in this situation?" and that is what I got.

BTW-
http://forums.caraudio.com/vb/images/smilies/needpics.gif
Where are these calendar pics?

[gulebjorn]

1) Tell her she has to choose. Stop dating/calling/meeting/whatever the other guy, or get dumped by you. Either you're single, so you can do whatever you want, or you're involved with someone, so dating is a thing of the past.

2) before you dump her, make sure you have a copy of the pictures

3) after you dump her, make sure you post them here.

Only if shes hot though

[gulebjorn]

[ QUOTE ]
Only if shes hot though

[/ QUOTE ]

Yea, fugly chicks do photoshoots for nekkid calenders all the time, so that's a real concern here. /images/graemlins/confused.gif

Who knows, but it had to be said

[irishpint]

for some reason it doesn't feel right even posting a clothed picture of her...and who would want that anyway? but if we ever break up i've got a nice chunk of interesting things to post. but for the time being I'm still wondering what to do. Each choice seems to work for a second before I change my mind and decide against it. I guess I want to take the high road (is there one here?). I don't want to seem weak, like I'm scared of this guy. I really think that if I take care of my business everything will work out- maybe I don't even need to say anything? I dunno, maybe I'll wait until she gets here, get drunk, have sex (in case its the last time...) and bring it up.

[Glenn]

This is exactly right. If you trust her then it shouldn't be an issue. If you don't, then THAT should be the issue.

[Slim Pickens]

Sex outside of a relationship is fine as long as...

a) BOTH parties agree to that's it's fine and
b) no one having sex outside of the relationship has any non-physical feelings for the third party

If both conditions are not met, no, otherwise, yes.

PS: Kick her ass to the curb for not discussing this.

[JMP300z]

dont go to dental school....

JP
...walking out the door to go to dental school as I type this crap. Luckily today I got to sleep in till 7:30.

[GAL]

Here is the truth of the matter, to your girlfriend this guy is a friend and that's it, to this guy your girlfriend is a friend who he hasn't fcuked.....YET

[drewjustdrew]

[ QUOTE ]
Each choice seems to work for a second before I change my mind and decide against it.

[/ QUOTE ]

This decision is not the end of the world. If she was so amazing and worth holding on to, she wouldn't put you in this situation. But then again, maybe you are into drama, and it sounds like she knows how to provide it.

[jakethebake]

Ii started to give some advice here. Then realized the exact advice I was about to give was part of how I completely screwed up once, and despite it probably being good advice in your case, would make me feel really stupid. /images/graemlins/frown.gif

Anyway, good luck to the op.

[NutCrackerr]

I'm going to have to see the pictures before I can offer you any advice.

[Shajen]

[ QUOTE ]
We have plans to live together next year when i go to dental school.

Kyle

[/ QUOTE ]

You definitely need to get this worked out before you make any long term decisions.

See, here's the thing. If you approach her about this, there's a good chance she'll see you as an over-bearing, over-protective, not very confident boyfriend. She'll start to wonder why she's even with you, etc. It'll be a [censored] mess. And in her mind, it will be your fault.

Reality is, she's in a relationship with you, and she needs to understand that HER actions are causing issues in your relationship. Chances are, she won't though, all she'll see is this "he doesn't trust me" bullshit, when it isn't that, it's that you don't trust the other guy.

[censored] is complicated, all you can do is try to have a reasonable conversation with her and get this stuff worked out. If she won't budge, or gets super angry at you, chances are your relationship is pretty much done anyway. Good luck.

[pokerdirty]

[ QUOTE ]
Ii started to give some advice here. Then realized the exact advice I was about to give was part of how I completely screwed up once, and despite it probably being good advice in your case, would make me feel really stupid. /images/graemlins/frown.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

use one of your 80 gimmick accounts no one knows is you yet, or that 'woman problems' account.

[ChipWrecked]

We see this theme repeated here ad nauseum, and guys just don't seem to get it.

Women will test your boundaries constantly. She is looking for the point where you will put your foot down, i.e. how much crap you will take from her.

Long distance relationship is b.s. to begin with. Her going on any activity with dude where it's just the two of them is b.s. secondly.

The proactive breakup is a powerful tool. Breakups don't have to be etched in stone, but it would send a message that you won't tolerate any crap.

DO NOT allow a female to be in the driver's seat of a relationship. She doesn't want that, and neither do you; but she will test you to see whether you'll give it up.

If you do, lotsa luck.

note: I like women. I get along great with them (my wife included /images/graemlins/grin.gif). But I was amazed at how much better my relationships were *after* I stopped giving a [censored].

"[censored] this, I'm gone" will bring her around PDQ.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Ii started to give some advice here. Then realized the exact advice I was about to give was part of how I completely screwed up once, and despite it probably being good advice in your case, would make me feel really stupid. /images/graemlins/frown.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

use one of your 80 gimmick accounts no one knows is you yet.

[/ QUOTE ]

What the [censored] are you talking about? Do people think there are gimmick accounts that are me? I have like two gimmick accounts that each have like 3-4 posts. You think I have time to post under gimmick accounts? /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[durron597]

It's a lose-lose situation. Either she will think you have no self esteem (if you make a big deal out of it) or she will think you are an idiot (if you don't).

[HopeydaFish]

The funniest part about this thread is that no one has called him on his belief that there actually was going to be a calendar that she was going to be featured in. This "photographer" was just some loser who convinced a hot young chick that he was legit and putting together a calendar, and then paid her to pose in the nude. It's the oldest trick in the book.

[imported_The Vibesman]

[ QUOTE ]
she is too stupid, in my opinion, to see that this guy one wants to [censored] her. and he's a creep.

[/ QUOTE ]

If this is your opinion of her, why do you even want to be with her? If she is that stupid, isn't she pretty stupid?

[TheMainEvent]

[ QUOTE ]
The funniest part about this thread is that no one has called him on his belief that there actually was going to be a calendar that she was going to be featured in. This "photographer" was just some loser who convinced a hot young chick that he was legit and putting together a calendar, and then paid her to pose in the nude. It's the oldest trick in the book.

[/ QUOTE ]

This was the first thing I thought of when I read his post. There was never a calendar.

[ChipWrecked]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
The funniest part about this thread is that no one has called him on his belief that there actually was going to be a calendar that she was going to be featured in. This "photographer" was just some loser who convinced a hot young chick that he was legit and putting together a calendar, and then paid her to pose in the nude. It's the oldest trick in the book.

[/ QUOTE ]

This was the first thing I thought of when I read his post. There was never a calendar.

[/ QUOTE ]

Irrelevant whether there is one or not. She's jerking OP around.

[irishpint]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
The funniest part about this thread is that no one has called him on his belief that there actually was going to be a calendar that she was going to be featured in. This "photographer" was just some loser who convinced a hot young chick that he was legit and putting together a calendar, and then paid her to pose in the nude. It's the oldest trick in the book.

[/ QUOTE ]

This was the first thing I thought of when I read his post. There was never a calendar.

[/ QUOTE ]

Irrelevant whether there is one or not. She's jerking OP around.

[/ QUOTE ]

1. the guy in charge of the calender is actually the photograhper teacher at a college nearby.
2. she's not 'stupid' as i said. naive, maybe, would be a better word- she just doesn't realize what she is doing (i dont think).

She's such a catch. One in a million. Pure wife material. Keep her at all costs.

[jaydub]

heh you share that girl. don't even consider wifeing her, your kids will look nothing like you.

the fact you pick these 4 questions shows how much she owns you. listen to chipwrecked, preemptive break up then go [censored] ten other women.

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
We see this theme repeated here ad nauseum, and guys just don't seem to get it.

Women will test your boundaries constantly. She is looking for the point where you will put your foot down, i.e. how much crap you will take from her.

Long distance relationship is b.s. to begin with. Her going on any activity with dude where it's just the two of them is b.s. secondly.

The proactive breakup is a powerful tool. Breakups don't have to be etched in stone, but it would send a message that you won't tolerate any crap.

DO NOT allow a female to be in the driver's seat of a relationship. She doesn't want that, and neither do you; but she will test you to see whether you'll give it up.

If you do, lotsa luck.

note: I like women. I get along great with them (my wife included /images/graemlins/grin.gif). But I was amazed at how much better my relationships were *after* I stopped giving a [censored].

"[censored] this, I'm gone" will bring her around PDQ.

[/ QUOTE ]

I like all of this except for the part about bringing her around. Don't waste time with women that [censored] with you like this. Believe it or not there are women who are mature and considerate and who don't play games and [censored] with you. Keep looking until you find one of these and treat her good.

[Jdanz]

just as a quick note, i think all the people talking about, she shouldn't put you in that situation, should really try to see it from her side, as i'm sure if you haven't said anything she's completely unaware there's a "situation".

[InchoateHand]

Yeah, thats why I get involved with women. Girls are annoying. But so are you, so it seems like a good match.

[InchoateHand]

[ QUOTE ]
1. the guy in charge of the calender is actually the photograhper teacher at a college nearby.
2. she's not 'stupid' as i said. naive, maybe, would be a better word- she just doesn't realize what she is doing (i dont think).

[/ QUOTE ]



Yeah, no creepy photography teachers out there...

Gee, being taken advantage of by a creepy photography teacher...does that qualify as naive?

[censored] duh.

[4_2_it]

[ QUOTE ]
for some reason it doesn't feel right even posting a clothed picture of her...and who would want that anyway? but if we ever break up i've got a nice chunk of interesting things to post.

[/ QUOTE ]

I decided right here that breaking up is your only real option.

[Rduke55]

[ QUOTE ]
Quick thoughts---

She is trying to get you to react in the ways described in #1-4. In this way, you come off like the jerk and she can leave because, in her mind (this is woman's logic BTW), you acted like an ass. She is being passive-aggressive in getting you to blow up and she can leave guilt free and have no feelings for you.

You should both get drunk together, slow dance, get sentimental and sappy or whatever, and confront her with the fact that her relationship with the man in question hurts you because it reminds you of the time you two were separated. She'll either be touched or laugh at your insecurities. Don't be a puss about this though. Let her know you're still the MFM (mother f'ing man) and not a crying emo douche-nozzle. I don't know if she'll stop hanging around the dude, but she'll make it less often if she respects you.

Also, I don't know much about your relationship so my advice might likely suck but I just asked myself, "Self, what would the MFM do in this situation?" and that is what I got.

BTW-
http://forums.caraudio.com/vb/images/smilies/needpics.gif
Where are these calendar pics?

[/ QUOTE ]

I can't believe it took this long for the TTIWWP to come up. Even after he said they were already digitized on the computer!
To the OP. Seriously, a girl who gets naked pictures taken of her right after you broke up? And now hangs out with the guy without you? Very, very concerning. I'd say you're getting played. I'm not sure if there's a way to salvage the relationship. She's trash. I agree with derosnec. Definitely not long-term material.
At least make sure you go out with a giant, overblown, unsettling scene though.

[krimson]

You've been together less than a year. I say cut your losses, this definitely isn't a good way to start off.

[kyro]

I always feel so sorry for you people that get yourself into these types of relationships. Why do you feel the need to still be with this person? If I'm you, I need to be incredibly desperate and lonely to continue seeing her.

[jba]

I haven't read any responses but if the answer to any question of the form:

- ask her ________

is no, I'd just end it.

[Pyromaniac]

um, ok, some thoughts. Just to confirm for you the "creep photographer" angle: professional photogs who do nude shoots pay the models and move on. If it's a calendar, there's 11 more girls to shoot. And then there's the next project after that. It's about making money, not getting girls naked. They don't take them out to dinner, watch movies, hang out together.

InchoateHand says:

[ QUOTE ]
Yeah, thats why I get involved with women

[/ QUOTE ]

Harsh...but true here. She's young. *You're* young. Eight months, particularly long distance, is *nothing*.

Jdanz and MyTurn2Raise make good points too, though way on the other side of things.

Here's your set of choices, I think.

You can say, Hey, posing nude is cool, having friends is cool...but being in a long-distance relationship with me and doing boyfriend-girlfriend things (see above under "unprofessional photog behavior") with local guys is not cool. And either y'all figure it out, or you don't. And then you break up. And either she sleeps with him or she doesn't.

Or, you decide that you *must* stay with her, no matter what, and you put up with the fact that she's a girl, not a woman. In other words, that she's got her own oats to sow...maybe she *is* attracted to this guy and just doesn't want to admit it or realize it. In that case, you get whatever you get. (Heartache, probably, but I digress.)

A real longterm relationship is built on mutual agreement, decisionmaking, and understanding. You can't control whether she poses nude for other guys, goes to dinner with other guys, watches movies with other guys, or f***s other guys...but you *can* decide whether or not she does these things while in a relationship with you. But to do that, you have to be willing to walk away from terms that aren't acceptable to you.

Pyro

(sidenote: keep in mind, every relationship is different...for some people, all of the above would be acceptable.)

[MrTrik]

You are a doormat. I would have dumped her instead of posting here in OOT.

She got naked for the guy. He's treating her like a gf. She thinks that's ok.

Face it man, she either already rode him like a bucking bronco, or she will soon.

I'd be gone already. No need to talk feelings. No need for ultimatums.

She made her choices you need to make yours.

[Dominic]

[ QUOTE ]
ill make this quick. together 4 months. break up for 2 weeks. during those 2 weeks she poses naked for a calender (right...) however it never gets published. now we've been together for 4 more months. Thing is, she is friends with this guy who took pictures of her. naked. he takes her out to dinner and buys. they watch movies together. can i, with justification, do any of the following:
1. ask her if they ever had feelings for each other
2. ask her if they ever hooked up/were in a relationship
3. ask her if he is a complete dork and i have nothing to worry about
4. call her a whore (please say yes)

WHat would you do? How can I explain to her how much this bothers me? Would it bother you?
BTW I am in Tacoma finishing up school and she graduated. We have plans to live together next year when i go to dental school.

Kyle

[/ QUOTE ]

Jesus Christ, when did the american male become such a pussy?

Break up with her NOW. There is NO REASON for her to be friends with that guy, AT ALL. No reason for him to buy her meals or go to the movies together UNLESS THEY ARE/WERE/WILL BE FUKING. Period.

Grow a set and tell her the score.

God, I'm embarrassed for all mankind.

[Dominic]

[ QUOTE ]
the [censored]? come on, putting your foot down here makes you a big tool, if you're going to live with this girl pick your battles. If she's gonna hook up with the guy you're allready [censored], if she's worth dating at all that's not a concern. The only way to lose this battle is to make it one.

[/ QUOTE ]

jesus, this is so wrong in so many ways.

[Peter666]

"she insists that she'll leave the instant i cheat on her and she'll never, ever, cheat on me. hmmm"

Lies, all lies.

[Peter666]

This advice is such utter bullshit I am speechless. Luckily I can still type. It is obvious, IrishPint, that you are just looking for consolation and crappy reasoning to justify your emotions when your reason has already told you that the girl is garbage.

JDanz, you must be a woman.

Irish, do you honestly think you will be able to look this girl in the eyes years from now, the mother of your children, the one whom you love and cherish and have given everything too, and not be effected by the fact that some creepy college teacher screwed the [censored] out of her with her full knowledge and pleasure? Get real.

[Jdanz]

ok let's look at it from our side.

I have female friends who i find physically attractive, who A) i have hooked up with or B) would hook up with in the future.

I am still friends with these people, and if they were to get in a relationship with someone else they wouldn't AT THE SAME TIME hook up with me.

'Cause they're decent human beings.

So for arguements sake i'll take a stab at the other side. Most propose dump the girl and move on. Ok now why is this a reasonable solution. Our OP clearly cares a lot about the girl, and believes that she cares a lot about him. I won't go so far to say if that's true or not, i don't know.

Now the OP is in a somewhat difficult situation his girlfriend is going to dinner with some guy who likes her. This is not a completely unreasonable action ESPECIALLY because he thinks his girlfriend doesn't believe the guy is attractred to her.

Now i say it's a tool thing to dump a girlfriend out of insequrity that she might like somebody better then she likes you when she gives NO indication that might be the case. Hell maybe she does, but the pre-emptive dump is simply a move meant to totally preclude the OP from getting hurt, and if people are capable of making the first move to cut ties whenever there is a remote possibility of getting hurt, then they're never going to have a relationship they're just going to be occasionally getting laid.

I agree with dom on a lot of things, and also about making clear where you stand on issues, but really this is a non-issue and any dumping the girl is pure ego and posturing.

Again, my advice, have a girlfriend, treat her like a reasonable human being. That's not to say act submissive or be walked on, but there's a HUGE difference between actually respecting her decsions and submitting to her will.

To make it more clear, you look like a tool if you voice a strenous objection and she says hey i have my own life as well. Then you have to A) dump her or B) back down over something you've made it clear you feel strongly about (which everyone will agree has all sorts of negative consequences), and she has every right to stand up for herself here.

Seriously he cares about the girl, what are his options?

everyone says dump her (simply terrible advice meant to save face rather then help the OP)

say something.

If you demand she stops doing anything either she doesn't (sucks for you) or she does (still sucks for you) because those ultra-possesive i'll tell you who you can't hang out with relationships are pretty petty, and you'll never have anything but the most surface trust if you have to confine her circles of contact to feel safe.

For every guy you find out about there are 10 you don't, rather then trying to prevent her from meeting other people, be a decent enough guy that she respects you enough not to cheat.

[Jdanz]

i'm not going to judge a woman on things i wouldn't want her to judge me on, because while everyone is hypocritical to some degree, i think it's healthy to try not to be.

If you're hung up on who your current has been with in the past, it's likely has somethign to do with how you look at yourself.

[Dominic]

[ QUOTE ]
i'm not going to judge a woman on things i wouldn't want her to judge me on, because while everyone is hypocritical to some degree, i think it's healthy to try not to be.

If you're hung up on who your current has been with in the past, it's likely has somethign to do with how you look at yourself.

[/ QUOTE ]

read the OP again. The other guy is obviously not IN THE PAST, but still very much present. Which makes your advice utter bullshit. Still.

[Jdanz]

i understand what you're saying, let me turn the question around on you.

If we take the OP at his word, that he believes she is naive about it. Or even knows in sub-conciously but is not actively pursueing it, is it possible that she still cares about the OP more then the calender dude?

If the answer to the previous question is yes, and the OP cares a lot about her, should he immediately pre-emptively dump her?

Hey maybe i'm not right, but i'm pretty sure that's wrong.

[Pyromaniac]

Maybe the OP should watch Forrest Gump again. (seriously)

I think Dom's advice is good for this sort of situation, in general, but I don't know if it'll work for the OP. He's come here with the implied question of "how do I hang on to this relationship"...not, "how do I end it". I'm afraid if he just dumps her that he'll go crawling back in a month or two, and then he'll be doubly-[censored].

Irishpint: your GF is young and...let's say, clueless. And you seem to be stuck to this relationship. So you've got, let's say, three choices.

You can stay stuck to the relationship and get drug through a lot of crap while she figures out her naivete...lots of pain over a long period of time.

You can end the relationship, as suggested here by many...painful but (if you can stick by your guns and not go crawling back) quick. Dom's solution.

You can try to work things out with her...which I think is what Jdanz is advocating. The thing is, if this doesn't work, then you're back to having to choose one of the above two.

You don't seem like you're ready to call it off, so that's what I'd suggest, too. Just be straight/rational about it. "Hey, if you want to do BF/GF things with other guys, that's your choice, but it's not part of a relationship that I want to be in."

It's possible that you'll be able to work this out. It's not *likely*--which is what the other posters are saying. But it seems like something you've got to get out of your system.

If that doesn't work, you'll either break up with her...or you won't, and you'll let her drag you along through whatever [censored] she's in the mood for. Which, you know, that's your life/choice. Just don't lie to yourself about what's really happening. And keep in mind that when she's done she's just as likely to dump you in the end, too.

[Lottery Larry]

[ QUOTE ]
The funniest part about this thread is that no one has called him on his belief that there actually was going to be a calendar that she was going to be featured in. This "photographer" was just some loser who convinced a hot young chick that he was legit and putting together a calendar, and then paid her to pose in the nude. It's the oldest trick in the book.

[/ QUOTE ]

Didn't he say that he didn't believe it either?

"during those 2 weeks she poses naked for a calender (right...)"

[Jdanz]

this is kinda what i'm saying, but i think people are massively overreacting to dinner and movies.

The idea that this relationship needs to be "salvaged" is just complete overkill in my mind.

I know i'm going to be in the minority here, but i frankly wouldn't give a damn at all if my girlfriend went to dinner/movies with a guy friend. I'd be more uncomfortable if the guy wanted to get in her pants, but i legitimately wouldn't care that much.

I think the 1 in 10 comment i made early is really important here. If you can't trust your girlfriend with a guy that likes her that YOU ARE AWARE OF how can you expect to really trust her ever, in any meaningful way.

I would be really really pissed if my girlfriend had the audacity to tell me who i could and couldn't have dinner with.

[MrWookie47]

[ QUOTE ]
I'd be more uncomfortable if the guy wanted to get in her pants

[/ QUOTE ]

You're a guy. Surely you know by now that he obviously wants to get into her pants.

[Jdanz]

yeah, i'm sure he does, but i'm sure the OP wants to get into like 19 different girl pants that aren't his girlfriend.

It's not about wanting to hook up with someone it's about self-control.

[irishpint]

[ QUOTE ]
yeah, i'm sure he does, but i'm sure the OP wants to get into like 19 different girl pants that aren't his girlfriend.

It's not about wanting to hook up with someone it's about self-control.

[/ QUOTE ]

more than 19...but the point you're making, that i'm getting, is i trust her 100% so I shouldn't care about what she is doing/with who since I trust her.

[Reef]

wow, she is putting some serious pwnage on you. You're getting played like a fiddle

[Rduke55]

[ QUOTE ]
this is kinda what i'm saying, but i think people are massively overreacting to dinner and movies.

[/ QUOTE ]

After he made up a calendar to photograph her nude.

[ QUOTE ]

I know i'm going to be in the minority here, but i frankly wouldn't give a damn at all if my girlfriend went to dinner/movies with a guy friend.

[/ QUOTE ]

After he made up a calendar to photograph her nude.

[ QUOTE ]

If you can't trust your girlfriend with a guy that likes her that YOU ARE AWARE OF how can you expect to really trust her ever, in any meaningful way.

[/ QUOTE ]

She got naked for this guy.

[ QUOTE ]

I would be really really pissed if my girlfriend had the audacity to tell me who i could and couldn't have dinner with.

[/ QUOTE ]

Made up calendar. Naked pictures.

[Jdanz]

ok, i'm gonna say it real simple.

If you don't trust the girl no long distance relationship

If you do then long distance is fine.

you can't control her by telling her to not hang out with the guy, you can only make her a possesion/ resent you/ lie to you.

As i thought was clear and Irish apparently agreed, you trust or or you don't, and only he can decide that. All those people saying naked pictures when you weren't dating~!!@@@!@! are fixating on a guy who obviously wants to hook up with her, instead of the girl who said she won't hook up with anyone else.

It could be bullshit, but i have no idea how we're able to determine that.

[Rduke55]

[ QUOTE ]
ok, i'm gonna say it real simple.

If you don't trust the girl no long distance relationship

If you do then long distance is fine.

you can't control her by telling her to not hang out with the guy, you can only make her a possesion/ resent you/ lie to you.

As i thought was clear and Irish apparently agreed, you trust or or you don't, and only he can decide that. All those people saying naked pictures when you weren't dating~!!@@@!@! are fixating on a guy who obviously wants to hook up with her, instead of the girl who said she won't hook up with anyone else.

It could be bullshit, but i have no idea how we're able to determine that.

[/ QUOTE ]

She did let him take naked pictures of her.

[TimM]

I need more info here. Please send along the naked pictures of the 11 other girls in the calendar and I will get back to you. Thanks.

[Jdanz]

she did, and i agree that it's not a good sign.

I personally don't think, however, that in this particular instance, that it's reason to immediately dump a (relatively) long term gf.

But the guy asked for advice and everyone elses is as valuable as mine and Irish who knows his GF better then us will have to decide which advice is actually germane to his situation.

[RunDownHouse]

Believe it or not, girls keep backups waiting in the wings just like guys do.

[astroglide]

if she acknowledges that he wants to bang her, she should realize that he's not a 'friend'.

if she doesn't acknowledge that he wants to bang her, she could be dumber than a bag of hammers.

this isn't macho insecurity, it's common sense. it's not even a double-standard - a guy would be completely guilty in this situation as well.

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
this is kinda what i'm saying, but i think people are massively overreacting to dinner and movies.

The idea that this relationship needs to be "salvaged" is just complete overkill in my mind.

I know i'm going to be in the minority here, but i frankly wouldn't give a damn at all if my girlfriend went to dinner/movies with a guy friend. I'd be more uncomfortable if the guy wanted to get in her pants, but i legitimately wouldn't care that much.

I think the 1 in 10 comment i made early is really important here. If you can't trust your girlfriend with a guy that likes her that YOU ARE AWARE OF how can you expect to really trust her ever, in any meaningful way.

I would be really really pissed if my girlfriend had the audacity to tell me who i could and couldn't have dinner with.

[/ QUOTE ]

You're right you don't go around telling people who to have dinner with. But you do dump them for it.

[cdxx]

if anything happened between him and her during those two weeks, you need to dump her. it will not end well.

so, 8 months dating and you are already thinking you'll live together? is that a little quick? (maybe i am commitment-impaired)

[SomethingClever]

[ QUOTE ]
I am in Tacoma finishing up school

[/ QUOTE ]

PLU or UPS?

[Peter666]

Awesome. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Jdanz]

hey i've said my piece, take it for what it's worth, i'm no authority.