woman help

[Boris]

My secretary is extremely pissed right now. To the point that she is crying. It's nothing I did but it is work related. I tried to get her to talk but she wouldn't respond. So right now I'm just ignoring her. Should I keep bugging her to talk to me or just leave her alone? I've never been good with these sorts of situations.

now she just picked up her stuff and walked out. damn.

[[censored]]

when you say she is your secretary does that mean you are her boss in a hire/fire sense or is it akin to a corporate office where she is assigned to you but her employment related stuff is handled by something like a head admin person?

[stabn]

You could have given her the day off. Other than that i have no [censored] clue.

[willie]

siihp.

[Boris]

I could fire her if I wanted. The thought has never crossed my mind.

[stabn]

[ QUOTE ]
siihp.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sigh.

[willie]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
siihp.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sigh.

[/ QUOTE ]

trying to help. i've rectified many situations in this fashion.


if you could have dealt without your secretary for the rest of the day, then by all means- ask if she'd like to go home. it would save you being uncomfortable for the rest of the day and she wouldn't redirect any anger at you since you were such a "nice boss".......then *ziiiip* /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[B Dids]

When my staff get that upset* I give them space, try to ask if there's anything they need and let them know that they can take their time, and if they need to step away or leave**, that they can.

I find that if I've done a good job in cultivating a relationship with them, they'll know that they can come to me if they need to, and I'll know that if they've made the choice not to, typically it's not something where I can help.

*- assuming it's a non-chronic thing and they're not going to be flipping out every two weeks.

**- assuming that we're staffed enough to suppor them going home

[tdarko]

i too have always found these situations to be bothersome /images/graemlins/frown.gif

i guess in your case give her a plant?

[ QUOTE ]
i too have always found these situations to be bothersome /images/graemlins/frown.gif

i guess in your case giver her a plant?

[/ QUOTE ]
this would be so cool if my boss gave me a plant when I cried

Maybe call up Gemini?

[diebitter]

If she's around, and you get on okay mostly, I'd do dumb small talk, try to make her smile and break the tension a little. Try and make the focus something you share (some manager you both hate), or make yourself the butt of the joke.

[Klepton]

i bet she saw you typing this up on a forum and realized "one of the smart older ones will probably tell him to tell me to take the day off."

so she just did it herself. she'll be fine.

[mslif]

Giving her the rest of the day off was probably your best bet. You already tried to talk to her and she did not want to talk, don't push it. Just leave her alone.

[[censored]]

[ QUOTE ]
I could fire her if I wanted. The thought has never crossed my mind.

[/ QUOTE ]

No I was just trying to get an idea of how your working relationship is. If she directly reports to you and someone within in a work capacity has caused her to become that upset then yes I would try once again to talk to her to see you can help in anyway.

If the secretaries and admins operate more within their own circle and she is more of an office secretary then unless you are friends I would continue to ignore.

[Glenn]

All of these responses to reward or coddle her for acting like a child are ridiculous. It's one thing to get pissed at work, everyone does. But acting all upset and storming out without explanation of what the problem is should only be expected if you are dating her. I'm not saying fire her because she might be an otherwise good employee, but it needs to be made clear that if, in the future, she can't handle her problems like an adult and come to you if there is an issue, then she can find another job.

[SeaSiren]

Well, ignoring her will clearly make her even more upset! Trust me, it's taken as you don't give a sh**... Women Do need (and it's usually required, sigh) to be coaxed into expressing what's going on. Try to extend the proverbial olive branch and try to sincerely & calmly ask her to reveal her distress... and don't give up - sounds like this isn't something you'd want to lose her over???

[B Dids]

I agree with this.

It's ok for you to say "if you need to go home, you can".

It's 100% NOT OK for her to leave without talking to you.

[Dominic]

You said her problem is work-related, and not some personal tragedy/ptoblem she has to deal with, right?

I'm sorry, but tell her to get her ass back into the office right now if she wants to keep her job.

If this was a guy, would you stand for such unprofessional behaviour? No, of course not.

[B Dids]

To me it's a lot about frequency.

If somebody is prone to freaking out- then that's just a preformance issue and needs to stop.

If an otherwise rational person freaks out for the first time in 3 years, I'm going to give them a lot of slack (although again, leaving without saying why is not cool).

[Boris]

I called her on the cell phone and told her to come back the office and not to drive anywhere until she calmed down. She obeyed and then vented, threatened to quit. She's gone now.

[Boris]

[ QUOTE ]
If this was a guy, would you stand for such unprofessional behaviour? No, of course not.

[/ QUOTE ]

You are correct. But the fact of the matter is that I'm a real hard ass until the tears start to flow. Then I'm a total pushover.

[SeaSiren]

Gone... as in no longer employed??? Do tell.
Ok, while you're at it - might as well share what the heck it was all about!

[gorie]

maybe someone was mocking her in a retard voice all day long. that has gotten me close to tears and wanting to leave work pretty badly.
i've never cried at work, but if i did i wouldn't want to talk about it. maybe after i calmed down i would. but that's me.

[MonkeeMan]

Mark the day on your lunar calendar

[Dominic]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
If this was a guy, would you stand for such unprofessional behaviour? No, of course not.

[/ QUOTE ]

You are correct. But the fact of the matter is that I'm a real hard ass until the tears start to flow. Then I'm a total pushover.

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL....pussy.

[Boris]

Gone as in gone for the day. I told her to go home. The story is too long to retell and not really all that exciting. At first I felt really sorry for her but now I'm starting to feel otherwise.

[MrTrik]

[ QUOTE ]
I agree with this.

It's ok for you to say "if you need to go home, you can".

It's 100% NOT OK for her to leave without talking to you.

[/ QUOTE ]

Whether this is true or not is dependent on the corporate culture. In the last situation where I had employees like this the culture was not strict 9-5. The admin pool was judged completely on their output. If they got their work done and needed to take off early to do something, well they just did it. This also meant that in crunch time they might need to put in some extra time to get the job done.

[Boris]

[ QUOTE ]
LOL....pussy.

[/ QUOTE ]

Totally.

[ddubois]

[ QUOTE ]
If somebody is prone to freaking out

[/ QUOTE ]
The title of the thread did say "woman".

[daryn]

[ QUOTE ]
All of these responses to reward or coddle her for acting like a child are ridiculous. It's one thing to get pissed at work, everyone does. But acting all upset and storming out without explanation of what the problem is should only be expected if you are dating her. I'm not saying fire her because she might be an otherwise good employee, but it needs to be made clear that if, in the future, she can't handle her problems like an adult and come to you if there is an issue, then she can find another job.

[/ QUOTE ]

perfect.

[mslif]

[ QUOTE ]
Gone as in gone for the day. I told her to go home. The story is too long to retell and not really all that exciting. At first I felt really sorry for her but now I'm starting to feel otherwise.

[/ QUOTE ]

If the reason for her tantrum is something trivial then I would definitely talk to her when she returns to work and tell her that this type of behavior is not acceptable. Women have tendency to turn on the water work for ridiculous reasons. She is in a professional environment and therefore expected to behave professionally.

[[censored]]

[ QUOTE ]
Gone as in gone for the day. I told her to go home. The story is too long to retell and not really all that exciting. At first I felt really sorry for her but now I'm starting to feel otherwise.

[/ QUOTE ]

oh c'mon tell the story.

[Reef]

she pwned your authori-tie

[daryn]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Gone as in gone for the day. I told her to go home. The story is too long to retell and not really all that exciting. At first I felt really sorry for her but now I'm starting to feel otherwise.

[/ QUOTE ]

oh c'mon tell the story.

[/ QUOTE ]


seriously. just reading this makes me want this chick fired. totally unprofessional actions.

[diebitter]

This thread makes me realise I'm such a pushover /images/graemlins/frown.gif

[[censored]]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Gone as in gone for the day. I told her to go home. The story is too long to retell and not really all that exciting. At first I felt really sorry for her but now I'm starting to feel otherwise.

[/ QUOTE ]

oh c'mon tell the story.

[/ QUOTE ]


seriously. just reading this makes me want this chick fired. totally unprofessional actions.

[/ QUOTE ]

It's not really that uncommon. When I worked for a big 4 accounting firm which suppossedly only hired the very best people this type of incident happened 3-4 times a year within the professionals (CPA's) themselves. Most times it was a result of the client being rude (extremely common) combined with a frustration at work. Other times it was the senior saying something. At first it makes everyone sane extremely uncomfortable but after the same chick does it a second time people tend not to give a [censored]. I never saw anyone get fired though and I would bet that would turn into a huge hassle. In accounting atleast it did tend to make work and career much easier for certain types of guys.

the truth the girls that pull this BS at college don't all of sudden grow up once they get a job.

[Boris]

3 poeple in our office. Me. My boss. The Secretary. Boss is out of the country right now. Boss asks secretary to do all sorts of personal things, like babysit and go to Costco. He can be a real pain in the ass.

Yesterday I ask Secretary to call our bank to retrieve a piece of info. The bank has two branches, with a woman of the same name working at both branches. Secretary asks to talk to Patricia. She is transferred to the wrong Patricia in the wrong branch. Secretary starts asking for the information thinking it's the Patricia she normally talks to. Evil Patricia turns into a bitch. I can tell because Secretary is stammering and apologizing and asking to be transferred to the Patricia in the other branch. Patricia won't do this and hangs up. Secretary is irritated and fires off an email to the bank complaining of her rude treatment. I supported her in this. Boss hears from our relationship manager. Boss criticizes secretary for not complaining through him. Then Boss tells secretary she can't take Friday off because she has to pick him up at the airport. Secretary starts bawling. Which is surprising because normally she is a pretty tough girl. Grew up in a refugee camp.

I told you it was a boring story.

[daryn]

[ QUOTE ]
the truth the girls that pull this BS at college don't all of sudden grow up once they get a job.

[/ QUOTE ]

http://www.officedepot.com/pictures/sk/md/197764_sk_md.jpg

[Ulysses]

Weird. I just got done firing an admin largely for not being able to deal w/ this sort of stuff without getting too wound up.

[Boris]

sounds like you got some serious pimp hand

[OtisTheMarsupial]

why the hell is this thread called "woman help" when it's really about understanding/motivating/communicating with subordinates? It has NOTHING to do with the fact that she's a woman.

Unless I'm missing something. Did you sexually harras her?

[OtisTheMarsupial]

[ QUOTE ]
3 poeple in our office. Me. My boss. The Secretary. Boss is out of the country right now. Boss asks secretary to do all sorts of personal things, like babysit and go to Costco. He can be a real pain in the ass.

Yesterday I ask Secretary to call our bank to retrieve a piece of info. The bank has two branches, with a woman of the same name working at both branches. Secretary asks to talk to Patricia. She is transferred to the wrong Patricia in the wrong branch. Secretary starts asking for the information thinking it's the Patricia she normally talks to. Evil Patricia turns into a bitch. I can tell because Secretary is stammering and apologizing and asking to be transferred to the Patricia in the other branch. Patricia won't do this and hangs up. Secretary is irritated and fires off an email to the bank complaining of her rude treatment. I supported her in this. Boss hears from our relationship manager. Boss criticizes secretary for not complaining through him. Then Boss tells secretary she can't take Friday off because she has to pick him up at the airport. Secretary starts bawling. Which is surprising because normally she is a pretty tough girl. Grew up in a refugee camp.

I told you it was a boring story.

[/ QUOTE ]

OK, so why does she want Friday off? Sounds like it's important. Duh. That's the issue/ problem. Fix it.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
why the hell is this thread called "woman help" when it's really about understanding/motivating/communicating with subordinates? It has NOTHING to do with the fact that she's a woman.

Unless I'm missing something. Did you sexually harras her?

[/ QUOTE ]because this is how women act, their actions are based solely on emotions and completely irrational.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]


I told you it was a boring story.

[/ QUOTE ]bro, this is some serious BS. I think this day = two strikes on her. One more, and <BAM!> let her go.

[tdarko]

[ QUOTE ]
why the hell is this thread called "woman help" when it's really about understanding/motivating/communicating with subordinates? It has NOTHING to do with the fact that she's a woman.

Unless I'm missing something. Did you sexually harras her?

[/ QUOTE ]
huh?

wtf? first of all when the hell do you see a man break down and cry cause he just can't handle [censored]? this isn't a knock on women its just how they act. there are ways that men can act that a woman probably wouldn't, so it's not like he is trying to be sexist.

sexual harrassement? /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[[censored]]

[ QUOTE ]
why the hell is this thread called "woman help" when it's really about understanding/motivating/communicating with subordinates? It has NOTHING to do with the fact that she's a woman.

Unless I'm missing something. Did you sexually harras her?

[/ QUOTE ]

oh cool the dumbass kangaroo is back /images/graemlins/mad.gif

I thought perhaps she was pissed about being called a secretary v. an assistant.

[Mr_J]

This wasn't her fault. Boss is a dick.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
This wasn't her fault. Boss is a dick.

[/ QUOTE ]Secretary needs to converse with others before sending off e-mails complaining of such service, especially in an office this small, and especially when it is a bank you deal directly with.

edit: That being said, I think we are blowing this out of purportion.

[Clarkmeister]

The Secretary. Now that's a pretty good flick.

[Shajen]

[ QUOTE ]
maybe someone was mocking her in a retard voice all day long. that has gotten me close to tears and wanting to leave work pretty badly.
i've never cried at work, but if i did i wouldn't want to talk about it. maybe after i calmed down i would. but that's me.

[/ QUOTE ]

Gorie, wtf? Why put up with this [censored]?

It isn't professional, and certainly could (if you pushed it) get someone in trouble.

Next time they start doing that to you, punch them in the throat with the side of your hand, like a sideways karate chop. It's called a ridge hand, and it'll make it kinda hard for Mr Retard voice to mock you.

Seriously though, don't take this [censored]. You don't have to.

[BottlesOf]

WTF isn't the bank a client of yours? You choose that bank to hold your money or offer other financial services to you? There is no way an employee of your bank should deal with anyone at your company like that. I mean, two employees of two different branches of the same bank with the same name? Patricia: [censored] deal with it, I'm sure this has happened before. Unless I'm misunderstanding the nature of your company's relationship with the bank, I'm supporting your secretary here and saying her sending an email is totally fine, esp. if the boss is out of the country, I wouldn't want to bother him with this trivia.

[arod15]

Ignore her you tried...

[ QUOTE ]
3 poeple in our office. Me. My boss. The Secretary. Boss is out of the country right now. Boss asks secretary to do all sorts of personal things, like babysit and go to Costco. He can be a real pain in the ass.

Yesterday I ask Secretary to call our bank to retrieve a piece of info. The bank has two branches, with a woman of the same name working at both branches. Secretary asks to talk to Patricia. She is transferred to the wrong Patricia in the wrong branch. Secretary starts asking for the information thinking it's the Patricia she normally talks to. Evil Patricia turns into a bitch. I can tell because Secretary is stammering and apologizing and asking to be transferred to the Patricia in the other branch. Patricia won't do this and hangs up. Secretary is irritated and fires off an email to the bank complaining of her rude treatment. I supported her in this. Boss hears from our relationship manager. Boss criticizes secretary for not complaining through him. Then Boss tells secretary she can't take Friday off because she has to pick him up at the airport. Secretary starts bawling. Which is surprising because normally she is a pretty tough girl. Grew up in a refugee camp.

I told you it was a boring story.

[/ QUOTE ]

Give her Friday off and tell your f-ing boss to hire a car service like the rest of us. It will go a long way. It sounds like she's a tough girl, probably more to it than a stupid woman at a bank getting upset with her. Good admin's are tough to find, if she is competent at her job you gotta help her out once in a while.

[Boris]

I agree.

[AAmaz0n]

Babysit? Run to Costco? Pick him up from the airport?

It sounds like she is being treated more like a personal slave than a professional secretary. The work relationship has been pushed way out of bounds here. It's unreasonable to expect someone to act professionally when they are being treated unprofessionally.

I agree with the poster who suggested giving her Friday off and arranging for other transportation for the boss. She is not a taxi service, unless she has a very unusual job description.

Shauna

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
Babysit? Run to Costco? Pick him up from the airport?

It sounds like she is being treated more like a personal slave than a professional secretary. The work relationship has been pushed way out of bounds here. It's unreasonable to expect someone to act professionally when they are being treated unprofessionally.

I agree with the poster who suggested giving her Friday off and arranging for other transportation for the boss. She is not a taxi service, unless she has a very unusual job description.

Shauna

[/ QUOTE ]

Being treated unprofessionally gives you the right to act like a little baby? The correct thing to do would be to conduct yourself in a mature and professional manner until you can secure employment where you are treated lke the professional you are.

It sounds to me like her boss and her are perfect for each other. Boris should find a new job with mature and professional superiors and subordinates.

[Boris]

She quit. I came in to work this morning and had a chat with her. I explained that I understand her frustration and she could talk with me anytime. I also told her to take Friday off. She said she appreciated it gesture but no way she can continue to work here. She doesn't even want to talk to Boss because she doesn't want to break down in front of him. I said do what you have to do and I'll give her a good reference. Her crying was not manipulative. She is/was genuinely upset. Best of luck to her.

[B Dids]

Sounds like you may need to have a discussion with your boss about what he can expect of the person he hires to replace her.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
She quit. I came in to work this morning and had a chat with her. I explained that I understand her frustration and she could talk with me anytime. I also told her to take Friday off. She said she appreciated it gesture but no way she can continue to work here. She doesn't even want to talk to Boss because she doesn't want to break down in front of him. I said do what you have to do and I'll give her a good reference. Her crying was not manipulative. She is/was genuinely upset. Best of luck to her.

[/ QUOTE ]

You handled this very well. I hate when women cry.

<font color="white">And I'll be nice and avoid any snide golden shower jokes. </font>

[Boris]

[ QUOTE ]
I hate when women cry.


[/ QUOTE ]

me too. It's much easier to deal with if you havn't slept with them.

[BottlesOf]

I don't quite see why this couldn't be worked out, but if she says she "can't work here anymore," then I guess that's that. She seems a little emotionally volatile. FWIW, I think you acted appropriately throughout the whole thing.

[J.A.Sucker]

You are always a pushover. I can't believe I missed this thread, BTW. I saw "women help" and figured it was some 16 year old trying to pick up on a girl from his PE class. My bad.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
I saw "women help" and figured it was some 16 year old trying to pick up on a girl from his PE class. My bad.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm betting half the people that opened the thread thought something like this (although I was clearly thinking 18). The follow up thought was, "hmmm...maybe there will be pictures." /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[[censored]]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I hate when women cry.


[/ QUOTE ]

me too. It's much easier to deal with if you havn't slept with them.

[/ QUOTE ]

whoah, is there some back story that needs to be told here Bearcat?

[Boris]

no back story. I have never even attempted to sleep with my soon to be former assistant. I was merely making an observation.

[Ulysses]

Very good point. Boris, you should lay into some bank people. If this is the primary bank for your firm, you should get some cool free stuff.

[Ulysses]

[ QUOTE ]
Babysit? Run to Costco? Pick him up from the airport?

It sounds like she is being treated more like a personal slave than a professional secretary.

[/ QUOTE ]

This may or may not be the case here, but admins in certain positions sometimes have a lot of "personal assistant" stuff as part of their job responsibility.

[Ulysses]

I assume she's not hot. But if she is, will you make an attempt now? Also, if she is but you won't make an attempt, please bring her along tomorrow.

[utmt40]

Just let her be man.

[Boris]

We're getting lunch at Tamarine on Tuesday, allegedly the best Viet/fusion restaurant on the Peninsula.

[Boris]

She's married and doesn't believe in pre-marital sex. There's someone else I'll try and drag along with us. No guarantees though.

[somapopper]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Babysit? Run to Costco? Pick him up from the airport?

It sounds like she is being treated more like a personal slave than a professional secretary. The work relationship has been pushed way out of bounds here. It's unreasonable to expect someone to act professionally when they are being treated unprofessionally.

I agree with the poster who suggested giving her Friday off and arranging for other transportation for the boss. She is not a taxi service, unless she has a very unusual job description.

Shauna

[/ QUOTE ]

Being treated unprofessionally gives you the right to act like a little baby? The correct thing to do would be to conduct yourself in a mature and professional manner until you can secure employment where you are treated lke the professional you are.

It sounds to me like her boss and her are perfect for each other. Boris should find a new job with mature and professional superiors and subordinates.

[/ QUOTE ]

How much does he pay her to be his personal bitch? The trouble with saying that she needs to act professionally is a professional wouldn't have put up with any of this to begin with. Quitting is probably the most professional thing she could have done.

[Ulysses]

Have you bitched out the bank yet?

[Boris]

of course. that's who's buying lunch. Our relationship manager at the bank.

[killyourearn]

I'd run as fast as I can and catch up to her in the parking lot and ask her to make a sandwich.

[Boris]

I talked her into staying. But then last week the bitch quit on me. I almost had her talked into divorcing her husband too. Now for the suck part. My colleague is hiring a dude secretary. How lame is that?