View Full Version : Russians & Vodka
theBruiser500
10-26-2005, 01:52 PM
Two Russians are sitting, pouring glasses of vodka and drinking in silence. After three or four of these one Russian says: "So, Tovarich, how are you?" The other replies gruffly: "Did you come to drink, or to make a speech?"
joshman1204
10-26-2005, 01:53 PM
worthless!
theBruiser500
10-26-2005, 01:56 PM
During the Communist era Hungarians specialized in anti-Soviet jokes, delivered with a glance over the shoulder. One had Brezhnev, the Soviet leader, surveying the misery of the Russian people and asking the Hungarian prime minister why the Hungarians were so happy.
"It's Eckstein," he was told.
"Eckstein?"
"Yes. Eckstein is a comedian. he tells jokes and makes Hungarians laugh."
"Send Eckstein to Moscow," growled Brezhnev. When Eckstein arrived, Brezhnev told him he would give him som background, "We have had a socialist paradise in the Soviet Union for thirty years longer than Hungary."
Eckstein interrupted, "Who is telling the jokes? You or me?"
Now there is a new joke, told by unemployed factory workers in the former Communist countries of Eastern Europe: the worst thing about Communism is Post-Communism.
joshman1204
10-26-2005, 01:58 PM
I guess I just dont care enough about political BS for this to be funny.
DrSavage
10-26-2005, 01:58 PM
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worthless!
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Sightless
10-26-2005, 02:07 PM
As A russian, I dont find any of these remotly amusing 0:
joshman1204
10-26-2005, 02:14 PM
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This post sucks
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FYP
Shajen
10-26-2005, 02:15 PM
This old couple's sitting on their front porch rocking one morning, she says to him, "Do you remember what we were doing 50 years ago this morning?" "Yes," he replies, "We was eating breakfast in the nude." "That's right," she says, "Lets do it again and see if we can re-kindle some of those old feelings?" "OK, "he agrees.
Later, as they were eating, she says "Pa. I think it's working. My tits are as warm for you now as they ever were." "Well, they ought to be," he says. "You got one tit hanging in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal."
DrSavage
10-26-2005, 02:18 PM
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As A russian, I dont find any of these remotly amusing 0:
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I'm a Russian too, and Bruiser is being highly retarded talking about things he has no clue about.
asofel
10-26-2005, 02:20 PM
A good friend of mine is Russian and would often tell me jokes sent to him by his mother. I soon learned that mothers-in-law were often the butt of many a good Russian joke. Someone here can surely save this thread with a good authentic joke?
just talked to that friend of mine. Here's an example of the common mother-in-law theme that americans aren't used to:
So this russian friend of mine was telling me Australia is a great country: 'there are beaches for the kids, shopping for the wife, and great whites for the mother-in-law.
Blarg
10-26-2005, 03:21 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
As A russian, I dont find any of these remotly amusing 0:
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I'm a Russian too, and Bruiser is being highly retarded talking about things he has no clue about.
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How the hell did Russians get so touchy? I thought you guys were supposed to be tough.
arod15
10-26-2005, 03:23 PM
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worthless!
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PoBoy321
10-26-2005, 03:37 PM
Does this mean that Bruiser is gonna get [censored]?
Sightless
10-26-2005, 03:56 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
As A russian, I dont find any of these remotly amusing 0:
[/ QUOTE ]
I'm a Russian too, and Bruiser is being highly retarded talking about things he has no clue about.
[/ QUOTE ]
How the hell did Russians get so touchy? I thought you guys were supposed to be tough.
[/ QUOTE ]
What does being touchy have to do with a joke being retarted?
Blarg
10-26-2005, 03:57 PM
Being offended by it, clearly. This needs no explanation.
Here, go nuts:
One Hundred Russian Jokes (http://www.johndclare.net/Russ12_Jokes.htm)
Sightless
10-26-2005, 04:53 PM
Two brothers, John, and Bob, who lived in America and were members of the communist party, decided to emigrate to the USSR. Even though they didn't believe the American media's negative reports on the conditions in the USSR, they decided to exercise caution. First, only John would go to Russia to test the waters. If, contrary to the media reports, the living conditions would be found good, and the reports about persecutions by the KGB false, than John would write a letter to Bob using black ink whose color would signify that the letter is to be taken at face value. If, though, the situation in the USSR happened to be bad, and John would be afraid of writing the truth, he would use red ink thus indicating that whatever he says in the letter must not be believed.
In three months John sent his first report. It was in black ink and read, "Dear brother Bob! I'm so happy here! It's a beautiful country, I enjoy complete freedom, and high standard of living. All the capitalist press wrote was lies. Everything is readily available! There is only one small thing of which there's shortage, namely red ink."
): very funny
-_-
A mummy was found in Egypt. The archaeologists could not determine its origin. Then a Soviet advisor offered his help. The mummy was delivered to the Soviet embassy. In two hours the Soviet advisor appeared and said, "His name was Amenkhotep 23 rd."
"How did you find out?"
"He confessed," the advisor said.
lol, very odd to read Russian Jokes in english
Blarg
10-26-2005, 04:55 PM
Cute, I like it.
DrunkHamster
10-26-2005, 05:01 PM
I have to say those are gold...
"This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What will be the results of the next elections?”
We’re answering: “Nobody can tell.” Somebody has stolen yesterday the exact results of the next elections from the office of the Central Committee of the USSR.”
DarkForceRising
10-26-2005, 05:11 PM
Former Ukrainian PM Yulia Tymachenko (hot) goes to Vladimir Putin looking for economic assistance. Putin says he would be happy to help- provided Tymachenko performs oral on him.
"Sure" says Yulia. "Stand on this chair".
"Why do I have to stand on that chair?" Putin asks.
"Because Ukraine doesn't get on it's knees for anyone" Tymachenko replies.
A Chukcha drives from Moscow to St. Petersburg in 7 hours. The return trip takes 28. When the Chukcha returned his buddy asked him, "What took you so long to get back, Bruiser"? The Chukcha replies, "There are four gears for going forward but only one for reverse".
DrSavage
10-26-2005, 05:25 PM
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Being offended by it, clearly. This needs no explanation.
[/ QUOTE ]
I was not being offended, i was pointing out Bruiser's retardation.
theBruiser500
10-26-2005, 05:44 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Being offended by it, clearly. This needs no explanation.
[/ QUOTE ]
I was not being offended, i was pointing out Bruiser's retardation.
[/ QUOTE ]
Shut up dr. retard, it's not my fault you're too stupid too appreciate a good joke.
DrSavage
10-26-2005, 05:49 PM
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Shut up dr. retard, it's not my fault you're too stupid too appreciate a good joke.
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I rest my case.
daryn
10-26-2005, 05:49 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Being offended by it, clearly. This needs no explanation.
[/ QUOTE ]
I was not being offended, i was pointing out Bruiser's retardation.
[/ QUOTE ]
Shut up dr. retard, it's not my fault you're too stupid too appreciate a good joke.
[/ QUOTE ]
O RLY?
kipin
10-26-2005, 06:05 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Being offended by it, clearly. This needs no explanation.
[/ QUOTE ]
I was not being offended, i was pointing out Bruiser's retardation.
[/ QUOTE ]
Shut up dr. retard, it's not my fault you're too stupid too appreciate a good joke.
[/ QUOTE ]
Bruiser: 1 - dr. retard: 0
Rootabager
10-26-2005, 06:19 PM
Bunch of crybaby russians.
My favorite so far:
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why Lenin wore regular shoes, but Stalin wore boots?”
We’re answering: “At Lenin's time, Russia was still only ankle-high in [censored].”
I found the site searching for this joke:
A Polish tourist comes back home after visiting the USSR. He carries two very large and heavy suitcases. On his wrist is a new Soviet-made watch. He tells the customs man: "This is a new Soviet watch. It's a wonder unknown in the capitalist countries. You see, it shows time, the rate of your pulse beats, the phases of the Moon, the weather in Warsaw, Moscow, and New York, and more and more!"
"Yes, it's a wonder," the customs man agrees. "And what is it you have in these big suitcases?"
"Oh, it's just the batteries for the watch."
A Russian professor of mine told the class this story/joke on the first day:
I was walking down the street, when I saw an old woman jump out of a window and to her death in the street. She was followed by a second woman, and then a third woman. Then I continued walking becuase I was bored.
InchoateHand
10-26-2005, 09:45 PM
Since apparently few people have your incredibly honed sense of humor Bruiser, this one is for your eyes only.
This joke was told by Roman Jakobson, a pioneering structuralist, and imagine it told in a very heavily Russian-cum-Czech inflected English.
What is purple and pink and hangs from the ceiling and goes beep?
There is nobody who knows?
Okay, I tell you.
A sardine.
And why is it purple and pink you might be wanting to ask?
Why can I not paint my sardine any color that I wish?
And why is it hanging in the middle of the room you are asking?
Why can I not hang my sardine whereever I choose?
And then you might be wanting to ask, why does it go beep?
Ahhhh....that is to make the joke more difficult.
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