View Full Version : Some jewish jokes....
Some of these only jews will get....
> All we ever hear are Jewish jokes, so here are some Gentile jokes:
>
> A Gentile goes into a clothing store and says, "This is a very fine
> jacket. How much is it?"
> The salesman says, "It's $500."
> The Gentile says, "OK, I'll take it."
>
> *******************
> Two Gentiles meet on the street. The first one says, "You own your own
> business, don't you? How's it going?"
> The other Gentile says, "Just great! Thanks for asking!"
>
> ********************
> Two Gentile mothers meet on the street and start talking about
> children. Gentile mother 1 (said with pride): "My son is a construction
> worker!" Gentile mother 2 (said with more pride): "My son is a truck
> driver!"
>
> *******************
> A man calls his mother and says, "Mother, I know you're expecting me
> for dinner this evening, but something important has come up and I
> can't make it." His mother says, "OK."
>
> ************************************************** ****
> A Gentile couple goes to a nice restaurant.
> The man says: "I'll have the steak and a baked potato, and my wife
> will have the julienne salad with house dressing. We'll both have
> coffee." The waiter says, "How would you like your steak and salad
> prepared?" The man says, "I'd like the steak medium......the salad is
> fine as is." The waiter says, "Thank you."
>
> ************************************************** ***********
> A Gentile man calls his elderly mother.
> He asks, "Mom, how are you feeling? Do you need anything?"
> She says, "I'm feeling fine, and I don't need anything. Thanks for
> calling."
spamuell
10-25-2005, 02:23 PM
This is only one joke.
chisness
10-25-2005, 02:24 PM
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partygirluk
10-25-2005, 02:24 PM
I am Jewish and find 0 of these remotely funny.
noggindoc
10-25-2005, 02:24 PM
got all of them except #2....a little help?
istewart
10-25-2005, 02:24 PM
Haha.
partygirluk
10-25-2005, 02:25 PM
[ QUOTE ]
got all of them except #2....a little help?
[/ QUOTE ]
A Jew would expatiate on the state of his business......
Ya dohn hafta be Joo-ish ta ah-preciate Joo-ish hew-mer.
If you want really, really good Jewish humor, look up Myron Cohen (sp?). One of the funniest men who ever lived. And he did all ethnicities/cultures.
Great stuff. ty
/images/graemlins/grin.gif
JustToast
10-25-2005, 02:28 PM
> A Gentile goes into a clothing store and says, "This is a very fine
> jacket. How much is it?"
> The salesman says, "It's $500."
> The Gentile says, "OK, I'll take it."
HAHAHAHAHHA
/jew
So am I, not even the last one?
[ QUOTE ]
I am Jewish and find 0 of these remotely funny.
[/ QUOTE ]
Lighten up a little, boy-o.
They're like Richard Pryor or the Aggies would do/did. Turn around what's aimed atcha and poke back.
Jeeze.
istewart
10-25-2005, 02:28 PM
[ QUOTE ]
> A Gentile man calls his elderly mother.
> He asks, "Mom, how are you feeling? Do you need anything?"
> She says, "I'm feeling fine, and I don't need anything. Thanks for
> calling."
[/ QUOTE ]
This is solid.
Warik
10-25-2005, 02:38 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Some of these only jews will get....
[/ QUOTE ]
Anybody want to translate? I only get this one:
[ QUOTE ]
> A Gentile goes into a clothing store and says, "This is a very fine
> jacket. How much is it?"
> The salesman says, "It's $500."
> The Gentile says, "OK, I'll take it."
[/ QUOTE ]
... and I probably "got" it wrong.
IndieMatty
10-25-2005, 02:39 PM
This thread is great on many levels.
samjjones
10-25-2005, 02:41 PM
I'm not Jewish, and I got all of them. Then again, I work in midtown Manhattan.
spamuell
10-25-2005, 02:42 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I am Jewish and find 0 of these remotely funny.
[/ QUOTE ]
Lighten up a little, boy-o.
[/ QUOTE ]
I love how as soon as someone doesn't find a joke about race funny, it's because the joke is about race or they're "uptight", not because it's just not funny.
IndieMatty
10-25-2005, 02:42 PM
[ QUOTE ]
I'm not Jewish, and I got all of them. Then again, I work in midtown Manhattan.
[/ QUOTE ]
Bingo. I'm not quite sure eveyone realizes that these jokes are still (albeit funny) making fun of Jews.
istewart
10-25-2005, 02:45 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Some of these only jews will get....
[/ QUOTE ]
Anybody want to translate? I only get this one:
[ QUOTE ]
> A Gentile goes into a clothing store and says, "This is a very fine
> jacket. How much is it?"
> The salesman says, "It's $500."
> The Gentile says, "OK, I'll take it."
[/ QUOTE ]
... and I probably "got" it wrong.
[/ QUOTE ]
If you're really Jewish I don't see how you can misunderstand the last one.
MaxPower
10-25-2005, 02:54 PM
Oy Gevalt.
The funny thing is that the Jewish stereotypes that these jokes play off hardly even exist anymore.
Except for the one with the two mothers talking about their sons - that one is dead on.
IndieMatty
10-25-2005, 02:56 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Oy Gevalt.
The funny thing is that the Jewish stereotypes that these jokes play off hardly even exist anymore.
Except for the one with the two mothers talking about their sons - that one is dead on.
[/ QUOTE ]
Italians too /images/graemlins/frown.gif
samjjones
10-25-2005, 02:59 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Some of these only jews will get....
> All we ever hear are Jewish jokes, so here are some Gentile jokes:
>
> A Gentile goes into a clothing store and says, "This is a very fine
> jacket. How much is it?"
> The salesman says, "It's $500."
> The Gentile says, "OK, I'll take it."
This plays on the stereotype that Jewish people are always on the lookout for a bargain.
>
> *******************
> Two Gentiles meet on the street. The first one says, "You own your own
> business, don't you? How's it going?"
> The other Gentile says, "Just great! Thanks for asking!"
>
This plays on the stereotype that Jewish business owners are always complaining about their business.
> ********************
> Two Gentile mothers meet on the street and start talking about
> children. Gentile mother 1 (said with pride): "My son is a construction
> worker!" Gentile mother 2 (said with more pride): "My son is a truck
> driver!"
>
This plays on the stereotype that Jewish mothers think their children are failures unless they become doctors or lawyers.
> *******************
> A man calls his mother and says, "Mother, I know you're expecting me
> for dinner this evening, but something important has come up and I
> can't make it." His mother says, "OK."
>
This plays on the stereotype that Jewish mothers are smothering.
> ************************************************** ****
> A Gentile couple goes to a nice restaurant.
> The man says: "I'll have the steak and a baked potato, and my wife
> will have the julienne salad with house dressing. We'll both have
> coffee." The waiter says, "How would you like your steak and salad
> prepared?" The man says, "I'd like the steak medium......the salad is
> fine as is." The waiter says, "Thank you."
>
This plays on the stereotype that Jewish people are demanding and particular when it comes to ordering in a restaurant.
> ************************************************** ***********
> A Gentile man calls his elderly mother.
> He asks, "Mom, how are you feeling? Do you need anything?"
> She says, "I'm feeling fine, and I don't need anything. Thanks for
> calling."
[/ QUOTE ]
>
See above re: Jewish mothers.
>
istewart
10-25-2005, 03:04 PM
Nailed it.
[ QUOTE ]
Nailed it.
[/ QUOTE ]
Nuthin' but net!
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I am Jewish and find 0 of these remotely funny.
[/ QUOTE ]
Lighten up a little, boy-o.
[/ QUOTE ]
I love how as soon as someone doesn't find a joke about race funny, it's because the joke is about race or they're "uptight", not because it's just not funny.
[/ QUOTE ]
funny is subjective. but many people reading this thread found it funny.
Saddlepoint
10-25-2005, 03:48 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Oy Gevalt.
The funny thing is that the Jewish stereotypes that these jokes play off hardly even exist anymore.
Except for the one with the two mothers talking about their sons - that one is dead on.
[/ QUOTE ]
Italians, blacks, Hispanics, various Asian cultures, and whites too /images/graemlins/frown.gif
[/ QUOTE ]
FYP
spamuell
10-25-2005, 03:59 PM
I didn't say it wasn't funny.
private joker
10-25-2005, 04:16 PM
[ QUOTE ]
This thread is great on many levels.
[/ QUOTE ]
JMP300z
10-25-2005, 04:32 PM
laughed out loud...esp. the mother ones...
im jewish.
...and i have a mother.
-JP
[ QUOTE ]
he funny thing is that the Jewish stereotypes that these jokes play off hardly even exist anymore.
[/ QUOTE ]
Hmm, maybe this is just a function of where you live/how you were brought up. For me, most of these are still dead on.
BeerMoney
10-25-2005, 04:36 PM
enjoyed it.
BobboFitos
10-25-2005, 04:37 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Oy Gevalt.
The funny thing is that the Jewish stereotypes that these jokes play off hardly even exist anymore.
Except for the one with the two mothers talking about their sons - that one is dead on.
[/ QUOTE ]
they're pretty dead on
((is jewish))
Why did God create Gentiles?
Someone has to pay retail.
MaxPower
10-25-2005, 04:52 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
he funny thing is that the Jewish stereotypes that these jokes play off hardly even exist anymore.
[/ QUOTE ]
Hmm, maybe this is just a function of where you live/how you were brought up. For me, most of these are still dead on.
[/ QUOTE ]
I was brought up in a community that was probably 90% Jewish and I attended and had a Bar Mitzvah at an orthodox synagouge. My grandparents were immigrants from Poland and lived in Brooklyn. My grandfather had a shop on the Lower East Side. My dad was a doctor. Those are some solid Jewish credentials. /images/graemlins/grin.gif
I guess I'm lucky that my mom isn't one of these kvetchy women who use guilt on their sons.
I always pay retail.
If you live and do business in NYC, Miami or LA you will get these jokes. Very funny, BTW. <says the gentile>
TheWorstPlayer
10-25-2005, 04:56 PM
I laughed out loud. And sent it to my non-Jewish girlfriend. She didn't get it.
[ QUOTE ]
I always pay retail.
[/ QUOTE ]
Can someone take away his Jew card? /images/graemlins/grin.gif
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I always pay retail.
[/ QUOTE ]
Can someone take away his Jew card? /images/graemlins/grin.gif
[/ QUOTE ]
funniest post on the thread
stanky
10-25-2005, 06:17 PM
[ QUOTE ]
If you live and do business in NYC, Miami, Chicago or LA you will get these jokes. Very funny, BTW. <says the gentile>
[/ QUOTE ]
FYP
...so the waiter goes to the table of yentas and asks "Is anything ok"
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/images/graemlins/grin.gif /images/graemlins/grin.gif /images/graemlins/grin.gif /images/graemlins/grin.gif /images/graemlins/grin.gif
BoxTree
10-25-2005, 07:22 PM
The original post is funny.
The responses to this thread are hysterical.
Sam's explanation of #3 is brilliant beyond belief. He didn't say that this plays on the stereotype that Jewish mothers think their children are failures unless they have good jobs. He said that they specifically must become doctors or lawyers.
Spot. On.
mushi
10-26-2005, 04:14 PM
Ill by start by saying Im an Israely and Jewish and my mother and grandmother are form polish natinality. In any case the jokes were good.
Here in Israel when we say Jewish jokes we mean Holocaust jokes, but then again everytime I tell them to non Israelis I allwasys get flamed which is pretty funny
If you want me to tell a few I can but maybe someone will get ofended
(BTW u do know that we r the chosen people right)
mushi /images/graemlins/spade.gif /images/graemlins/spade.gif
MonkeeMan
10-26-2005, 04:34 PM
[ QUOTE ]
If you want me to tell a few I can
[/ QUOTE ]
Los Feliz Slim
10-26-2005, 04:37 PM
I am Jewish and would like to hear these jokes.
Did you hear the one about the budget mohel? He works for tips.
mostsmooth
10-26-2005, 04:58 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I am Jewish and find 0 of these remotely funny.
[/ QUOTE ]
Lighten up a little, boy-o.
[/ QUOTE ]
I love how as soon as someone doesn't find a joke about race funny, it's because the joke is about race or they're "uptight", not because it's just not funny.
[/ QUOTE ]
if partygirl didnt mention being jewish, there would have been no assumption of uptightedness
Sephus
10-26-2005, 05:05 PM
[ QUOTE ]
I am Jewish and would like to hear these jokes.
Did you hear the one about the budget mohel? He works for tips.
[/ QUOTE ]
god i hope not.
drewjustdrew
10-26-2005, 05:17 PM
3/7's of my dept. are Jewish. I identify with all of these jokes. I don't find them funny, so much as highly irritating because I have to put up with the exact behaviors being mocked on a regular basis.
Amid Cent
10-26-2005, 07:34 PM
Gentiles are just plain funny.
[ QUOTE ]
3/7's of my dept. are Jewish. I identify with all of these jokes. I don't find them funny, so much as highly irritating because I have to put up with the exact behaviors being mocked on a regular basis.
[/ QUOTE ]
so you have a lot of larry david moments in your life? it can be irritating, but i view them as comedy.
TheBlueMonster
10-26-2005, 09:00 PM
[ QUOTE ]
A Gentile man calls his elderly mother.
> He asks, "Mom, how are you feeling? Do you need anything?"
> She says, "I'm feeling fine, and I don't need anything. Thanks for
> calling."
[/ QUOTE ]
nice.
I feel like I'm the only Jew without a "Jewush Mother"?
[ QUOTE ]
I always pay retail.
[/ QUOTE ]
Would you pay retail on a car that not only stops on a dime but also picks it up? /images/graemlins/grin.gif
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