Homeless Antics

Homeless people do a lot of really ridiculous/hilarious/mind-blowing things. This thread is inspired by a guy who came up to me the other day told me he was going to kill everyone, and had headphones on that werent attached to anything. My favorite homeless story is this:

I was walknig into this small grocery store near where I live. Outside was this homeless guy who is ALWAYS there. He asked if I was going to pay in cash or credit card, i said credit card. He asked me if I would buy him a can of checken soup. Since I knew he couldnt do anything debaucherous with chicken soup, I agreed to buy him a can. Went into the market, got what I was looking for, and went to get the soup. Unfortunately they were out of all soups except Tomato, so I bought him a can of that. Went outside and handed it to him. He looks at me and says "Tomato Soup? What the hell is this? I asked for chicken soup!" I said "sorry man, they were out, that was all they had." As I start walknig away he continues yellnig "damn kids!" and swearing and screaming about tomato soup.

So share your homeless people stories.

What kind of grocery store only has one kind of soup? /images/graemlins/confused.gif

This is a real small place. Just kind of a glorified convenience store really.

[tdarko]

was in downtown dallas about 3 years ago and we were leaving a bar and this homeless man comes up to me asking me for money, i tell him "no" and my friends and i kept walking.

he followed us and starts telling us he will wash my windows and crap and how he was a marine and goes on and on and we are basically just doing our best to ignore him. he then says, "i will do pushups for money!" i started laughing and drunkingly agreed.

so my friends and i watch him do pushups on a sidewalk in deep ellum (dallas). the deal was he gets 10 bucks for every hundred pushups. we were there all night, that scrawny homeless guy did hundreds of pushups and before he was done he had a crowd around him watching him.

he made a hundred bucks off us, we then watched him walk into the liquor store and buy $100 worth of booze and sit right back down on the trash bag where he was when came up to us.

I saw a homeless guy receive a cup of coffee and a danish from a person walking by. When the person walked away the homeless guy proceeded to dump out the coffee and throw out the danish and use the empty cup to beg for change.

[asofel]

he busted out a thousand pushups? damn...

[handsome]

There was a thread almost identical to this a few months back. Just proves that beggars CAN be choosers.

[handsome]

[ QUOTE ]
was in downtown dallas about 3 years ago and we were leaving a bar and this homeless man comes up to me asking me for money, i tell him "no" and my friends and i kept walking.

he followed us and starts telling us he will wash my windows and crap and how he was a marine and goes on and on and we are basically just doing our best to ignore him. he then says, "i will do pushups for money!" i started laughing and drunkingly agreed.

so my friends and i watch him do pushups on a sidewalk in deep ellum (dallas). the deal was he gets 10 bucks for every hundred pushups. we were there all night, that scrawny homeless guy did hundreds of pushups and before he was done he had a crowd around him watching him.

he made a hundred bucks off us, we then watched him walk into the liquor store and buy $100 worth of booze and sit right back down on the trash bag where he was when came up to us.

[/ QUOTE ]

HhHAHHAHA this story is awesome. Guys like that shouldn't be on the street though.

Homeless people are gross. They pee all over the place. I think homeless people should be put to death. Once I sprayed a homeless guy down with OC pepper spray for the fun of it. That is all.

[RiverFenix]

[ QUOTE ]
Homeless people are gross. They pee all over the place. I think homeless people should be put to death. Once I sprayed a homeless guy down with OC pepper spray for the fun of it. That is all.

[/ QUOTE ]

Now how does that quote in American Psycho go...

When I was in the Army in Texas me and a friend were leaving a bar and a homeless guy with no legs on a wheelchair came over and started telling us some sob story about how he lost his legs in 'Nam and had to travel 300 miles to go the VA hospital and someone stole his money and blah blah blah, he needed $40 for a bus ticket to get home. I of course knew he was full of [censored] but my friend, being a big dumb country hick from north carolina, felt sorry for him and gave all the cash he had on him, like 35 bucks and then convinced me to give him 5 so he could get his bus ticket.

Anyway, a couple weeks later we see the guy sitting behind a jack n the box drinking a 40. My friend, who was driving, slammed on the brakes and parked about 2 feet in front of the guy and got out screaming. I had to physically restrain him for 5 minutes while the bum sat there and laughed. After I finally got him in the car, the guy looked at me and said "anyone dumb enough to fall my story deserves to lose his money"

[B Dids]

This is so similar as to the other thread that I've got question if this really happened or if you were just hoping that your thread would go as well as that one did.

I don't know if I posted this in here or not, but about 2 months ago I decided that the line between "homeless" and "bum" was if you smelled like piss or not.

[ QUOTE ]
This is so similar as to the other thread that I've got question if this really happened or if you were just hoping that your thread would go as well as that one did.

I don't know if I posted this in here or not, but about 2 months ago I decided that the line between "homeless" and "bum" was if you smelled like piss or not.

[/ QUOTE ]

Cartman- "Mr. Garrison, why do poor people smell like sour milk?"

Mr. Garrison- "I don't know Eric, they just do."

[tdarko]

[ QUOTE ]
he busted out a thousand pushups? damn...

[/ QUOTE ]
the strange thing is that he seemed to never really get tired, and even though he was hammering them out fast as hell it took a really long time.

the things you will watch when you are drunk.

[A_C_Slater]

I once beat the living [censored] out of a homeless guy because he had misspelled the word "veteran" on his sign. This worthless piece of [censored] actually spelled it "vetaran." /images/graemlins/mad.gif

Can you believe that [censored]?

[kipin]

http://img338.imageshack.us/img338/4268/picture0060ok.jpg

Gay bums in Vienna.

[ddss6_99]

In Toronto for a hockey tournament a few years ago, my team and I were walking to the Hard Rock Cafe in the Skydome. A bum on the sidewalk comes up and asks us for change. Some people gave him a few bucks or whatever. So we go eat and start to walk back. I see the same "bum" cross the street and get into a Lexus and drive away.

[asofel]

So did they charge you a dollar? /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[eviljeff]

there are some great stories here:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=4250

[shant]

I think I have the best homeless person story. Well, not best, but I certainly top most people's stories when this topic gets going.

I was living in SF and had just bought my lunch from Sliders/images/graemlins/heart.gif on Polk. I lived kinda in the Tenderloin so I was walking home and I passed a homeless shelter along the way. It was across the street.

This homeless lady comes running towards me in a really odd way and shes grabbing at her skirt and screaming unintelligible stuff. She stops like maybe 3 feet away from me at the curb. She turns around, still screaming, and bends over. She flips her skirt over her back and exposes to me that she's not wearing any underwear.

So as you can guess a homeless lady's private region isn't the best thing to look at before eating lunch since it had lots of discolored skin and sores and I won't go on about that. Anyway, if that wasn't bad enough, she starts to shoot projectile diarrhea like a fountain onto the sidewalk, all the while still screaming. When I say fountain I mean it, it was like a stream of browness. /images/graemlins/frown.gif

At that point I think I was in shock because it felt like I had been watching for hours but I'm sure it was only a few seconds. I threw my lunch into the trash went home and curled up into the fetal position for a few hours.

[dizong]

[ QUOTE ]
was in downtown dallas about 3 years ago and we were leaving a bar and this homeless man comes up to me asking me for money, i tell him "no" and my friends and i kept walking.

he followed us and starts telling us he will wash my windows and crap and how he was a marine and goes on and on and we are basically just doing our best to ignore him. he then says, "i will do pushups for money!" i started laughing and drunkingly agreed.

so my friends and i watch him do pushups on a sidewalk in deep ellum (dallas). the deal was he gets 10 bucks for every hundred pushups. we were there all night, that scrawny homeless guy did hundreds of pushups and before he was done he had a crowd around him watching him.

he made a hundred bucks off us, we then watched him walk into the liquor store and buy $100 worth of booze and sit right back down on the trash bag where he was when came up to us.

[/ QUOTE ]

you got pwn3d by a homeless guy lol

dizong

[RRRRICK]

[ QUOTE ]
I think I have the best homeless person story. Well, not best, but I certainly top most people's stories when this topic gets going.

I was living in SF and had just bought my lunch from Sliders/images/graemlins/heart.gif on Polk. I lived kinda in the Tenderloin so I was walking home and I passed a homeless shelter along the way. It was across the street.

This homeless lady comes running towards me in a really odd way and shes grabbing at her skirt and screaming unintelligible stuff. She stops like maybe 3 feet away from me at the curb. She turns around, still screaming, and bends over. She flips her skirt over her back and exposes to me that she's not wearing any underwear.

So as you can guess a homeless lady's private region isn't the best thing to look at before eating lunch since it had lots of discolored skin and sores and I won't go on about that. Anyway, if that wasn't bad enough, she starts to shoot projectile diarrhea like a fountain onto the sidewalk, all the while still screaming. When I say fountain I mean it, it was like a stream of browness. /images/graemlins/frown.gif

At that point I think I was in shock because it felt like I had been watching for hours but I'm sure it was only a few seconds. I threw my lunch into the trash went home and curled up into the fetal position for a few hours.

[/ QUOTE ]

I just ate breakfast /images/graemlins/crazy.gif

[Joshssj4]

[ QUOTE ]
I think I have the best homeless person story. Well, not best, but I certainly top most people's stories when this topic gets going.

I was living in SF and had just bought my lunch from Sliders/images/graemlins/heart.gif on Polk. I lived kinda in the Tenderloin so I was walking home and I passed a homeless shelter along the way. It was across the street.

This homeless lady comes running towards me in a really odd way and shes grabbing at her skirt and screaming unintelligible stuff. She stops like maybe 3 feet away from me at the curb. She turns around, still screaming, and bends over. She flips her skirt over her back and exposes to me that she's not wearing any underwear.

So as you can guess a homeless lady's private region isn't the best thing to look at before eating lunch since it had lots of discolored skin and sores and I won't go on about that. Anyway, if that wasn't bad enough, she starts to shoot projectile diarrhea like a fountain onto the sidewalk, all the while still screaming. When I say fountain I mean it, it was like a stream of browness. /images/graemlins/frown.gif

At that point I think I was in shock because it felt like I had been watching for hours but I'm sure it was only a few seconds. I threw my lunch into the trash went home and curled up into the fetal position for a few hours.

[/ QUOTE ]
Slowly curling up into the fetal position as well. /images/graemlins/crazy.gif

[Klepton]

i'm still laughing.

[Eurotrash]

[ QUOTE ]
I think I have the best homeless person story. Well, not best, but I certainly top most people's stories when this topic gets going.

I was living in SF and had just bought my lunch from Sliders/images/graemlins/heart.gif on Polk. I lived kinda in the Tenderloin so I was walking home and I passed a homeless shelter along the way. It was across the street.

This homeless lady comes running towards me in a really odd way and shes grabbing at her skirt and screaming unintelligible stuff. She stops like maybe 3 feet away from me at the curb. She turns around, still screaming, and bends over. She flips her skirt over her back and exposes to me that she's not wearing any underwear.

So as you can guess a homeless lady's private region isn't the best thing to look at before eating lunch since it had lots of discolored skin and sores and I won't go on about that. Anyway, if that wasn't bad enough, she starts to shoot projectile diarrhea like a fountain onto the sidewalk, all the while still screaming. When I say fountain I mean it, it was like a stream of browness. /images/graemlins/frown.gif

At that point I think I was in shock because it felt like I had been watching for hours but I'm sure it was only a few seconds. I threw my lunch into the trash went home and curled up into the fetal position for a few hours.

[/ QUOTE ]


TUBGIRL, the ride


edit: [censored], i feel traumatized just having read the story

[sublime]

debaucherous

can of checken soup.