So who's had this scenario before?

[ClaytonN]

This is a first for me, so what's my line?

Meet a girl, feel a really strong connection. We go out for a week. Difference is, I really like this chick, moreso than any other girl I've dated.

Today she tells me she doesn't want to give up on the "open relationship" she has with another guy on the west coast. Just a reminder, I live in GA. And she's meeting this guy over thanksgiving break. She says they're best friends but had rough patches in dating, and seperated before college on the whole "let's see what happens" deal. And now she doesn't want to get involved with anyone until they meet again and see what happens.

So I've basically been demoted to friend status, which would normally suck balls but I still like her enough as a friend to give a damn. What am I supposed to do? I want to give the idea that I will still be around if things dont work between her and the other guy, but at the same time that means being friends with a chick for a month after dating her for a week.

So confused...

[jakethebake]

I'm pretty sure this should be a PM to Dr. Dom.

[IndieMatty]

Don't be that guy. Just accept it is what it is. And try to limit the amount of time you hang out with her while you still dig her.

[arod15]

I think you should keep trying to hook up with her. And then back off when he is there. There is no point in being just friends with her. Nice guys never win and he isnt there. I hate to be the bearor but the chances look bad so expect to lose here more times than not. Thats why i say go out swinging...

[xadrez]

Lay down
Close eyes
Give it a good, sentimental yank
Move on to the next one

[SomethingClever]

Ah freshman year. Just relax and enjoy yourself, son.

[ClaytonN]

[ QUOTE ]
I think you should keep trying to hook up with her.

[/ QUOTE ]

And exactly how am I suppose to do that? She just told me today she doesn't want to get involved with anyone until she meets across-country-boy

[ClaytonN]

[ QUOTE ]
Ah freshman year. Just relax and enjoy yourself, son.

[/ QUOTE ]

/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[ThaSaltCracka]

play hard to get, and let her know you ain't down with the friend tip.

[Lazymeatball]

forget about it, then call her up in december when it doesn't work out between her and her long distance high school boyfriend.

[M2d]

I haven't been keeping up with OOT, but I thought that
[ QUOTE ]
so what's my line?


[/ QUOTE ] was a [censored] able offense?

do another chick (or tell her about some other chick you saw/are planning to see during thanksgiving break. her true feelings for you will come out.

[ClaytonN]

[ QUOTE ]
play hard to get, and let her know you ain't down with the friend tip.

[/ QUOTE ]

What's a better line for getting back with her (just posing the question to everyone)

-Don't want to be friends
-Will support as a friend
-Fk it Clay, move on

[mslif]

[ QUOTE ]
now she doesn't want to get involved with anyone until they meet again and see what happens.


[/ QUOTE ]

Why do you want to be back-up guy?
My advice: find someone who will not give you second place. Also waiting for someone can be very hard.

[canis582]

Stop caring so much. Find another girl. Its interesting...you can have up to 50-100 girlfriends at the same time depending on how slick you are. 4-bedding is just as easy as 4-tabling.

[Chobohoya]

Just let it go. If you keep going after her and hook up, you could easily be labeled as a homewrecker, for lack of a better word. Not only that, but you're going to be dealing with the issue of the other man constantly. If you go after her and don't hook up more, you feel crappy, and you STILL might get labeled. There is plenty of tail to be had far more easily, with far less baggage. Go for that instead.

[RunDownHouse]

Just bide your time. Long-distance relationships with old boyfriends never work out in college. If the opportunity to hook up with her comes again, don't hesitate; you don't owe this guy anything. If the opportunities to hook up with other girls come, take those too. No sense pining away your freshman year over a girl you dated for a week, and hooking up with other girls isn't necessarily a deal-breaker in any case.

EDIT: To be more specific, be friendly, but not friends, if you get what I mean. Kind of back off, lessen contact, but if there's a big party for you both to go to that's fun, do that. And hope she drinks. Lots.

[jakethebake]

At least she's told you where you stand. That makes it easier. Waiting sucks. It sucks more if you have no idea where you stand or what you're waiting for. You just need to make a decision on whether it's worth it or not and resign yourself to it. Good luck. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
play hard to get, and let her know you ain't down with the friend tip.

[/ QUOTE ]

What's a better line for getting back with her (just posing the question to everyone)

-Don't want to be friends
-Will support as a friend
-Fk it Clay, move on

[/ QUOTE ]

There is no "getting back" at her. Just tell her you aren't interested in just being friends. If she balks, move on son.

This will have several possible outcomes, some positive and some negative. Think about the possible ones, and weigh the EV of your move accordingly.

[TripleH68]

[ QUOTE ]
play hard to get, and don't say anything about whether you are friends or not. Just do a little making yourself unavailable.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
Just bide your time.

[/ QUOTE ] horrible advice. Being indecisive here leads to more problems. Make a move, and be ready for any potential outcome.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
play hard to get, and don't say anything about whether you are friends or not. Just do a little making yourself unavailable.

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]this is an interesting idea and one which I wouldn't discount neccesarrily, but it is does make his intentions very ambigious.

[SomethingClever]

[ QUOTE ]
Will support as a friend

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the correct answer, but the word "support" worries me.

Just act as though it's no biggie; you two can hang out, it's cool, but you will actively be trying to hook up with other chicks as well (you don't have to tell her this; just do it). This will make her want you more.

[Soul Daddy]

[ QUOTE ]
I want to give the idea that I will still be around if things dont work between her and the other guy

[/ QUOTE ]
No you don't. I'm not saying that you shouldn't indicate that you still have interest, but you certainly don't want her to think you're waiting around for her.

[Shajen]

Rohypnol.

Ok, I'm kidding, obviously.

I had a similiar situation when I was your age.

I [censored] it up by trying to be friends with her, even though the entire time I was all about that pootie. She knew, I knew she knew, but I still couldn't get away from it. What can I say, I was a stupid kid.

The smart play here I think is to be unavailable, but totally cool if you happen to end up hanging out at the same party or whatever.


You know, like it's no big deal. Cause in the long run, it isn't.

Oh, and absolutely date someone else if you can.

[RunDownHouse]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Just bide your time.

[/ QUOTE ] horrible advice. Being indecisive here leads to more problems. Make a move, and be ready for any potential outcome.

[/ QUOTE ]
Read more carefully. I told him to take other opportunities if they arise, and not pine over her. He definitely should not, however, give her some ultimatum.

EDIT: check the edit on the last post for more specifics on what I meant, I guess.

[lu_hawk]

Go out with other girls, if you can hook up with one of her friends then that is bonus points. She will be back. If not, you will be hooking up with other girls anyway.

[SippinSoma]

Start talking to multiple women. Pretend to her that you're busier than you really are. Make your time with her a rare commodity.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Just bide your time.

[/ QUOTE ] horrible advice. Being indecisive here leads to more problems. Make a move, and be ready for any potential outcome.

[/ QUOTE ]
Read more carefully. I told him to take other opportunities if they arise, and not pine over her. He definitely should not, however, give her some ultimatum.

[/ QUOTE ]making a move and giving an ultimatem are two totally different things. I agree, if other opportunities arise, he should pounce on them much like a dog pounces on some stray alley pussy cat.

Stop it. You will NEVER have a solid long term relationship with her. She does not have that overwhelming desire for you now. She is not going to grow into it. Ultimately, she is stringing you along by talking about what MIGHT happen. Women who are willing to string along a guy that THEY KNOW is not going to be THE ONE (as obvious by, "let me see if this other relationship is better first"), will absolutley waste your time. You are in your prime. Take it from a guy who is now out of his prime, "Don't waste it". Sack up and break it off and tell her to call you in December when she can act like a grown up and make a [censored] decision. In the mean time.

Rules for College

1) Play the odds. If you are at a party and ask 7 girls to [censored], one will say "Ok, I guess". Do you want to get laid or not? You may not be this blunt but you get the idea. If you replace "[censored]" with "go out for pizza, the same premise works. Don't be afraid of rejection. Even I was rejected one time (damn lesbians).

2) Never put a chick before a friend.

3) Women are like buses. There is ALWAYS another one coming in a few minutes (you gotta be ready to climb on tho')

4) A little Alcohol is a social lubricant, A lot is a major problem. Don't get drunk. Get loose.

5) Show respect to only those that show respect to you. An old biker adage is "treat me well, I'll treat you better. Treat me bad, I'll treat you worse" Stick to it with chicks. In case you didn't know, stringing you along is treating you bad. (If you allow this to happen because you are "In love", look at rule 3. you'll be in love plenty in the next 4 years.)

6. Any relationship that causes more pain than pleasure SUCKS.

LLL

[Dominic]

No, no, no.

Tell her you respect her decision, but you have no interest in being "friends." You're interested in her romantically - make sure she knows this in no uncertain terms. You are being put on the back burner. Make sure she knows that is not acceptable to you.

Wish her well and move on.

She will respect this more than if you hung around, waiting for her to make a decision about you, like a puppy hoping for a scrap of dinner table food.

Say goodbye, good luck - and most importantly - DO NOT CALL HER, EMAIL HER, ETC.

If she has a change of heart, believe me, she will let you know. Strangely enough, cutting all ties with her will make you look more strong, more manly - more attractive - in her eyes.

Never accept a demotion to "friend" status. There is no return to the majors from that.

I will be addressing this point in one of my upcoming columns....

[jakethebake]

...and end of thread. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Dominic]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Will support as a friend

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the correct answer, but the word "support" worries me.

Just act as though it's no biggie; you two can hang out, it's cool, but you will actively be trying to hook up with other chicks as well (you don't have to tell her this; just do it). This will make her want you more.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm sorry, but this is dead wrong. Being "available" as a friend just pushes you further and further up the "friend" list and down from the "guys I wanna bang" list.

Being unavailable is what attracts girls. Period.

It's stupid, but it's the truth.

[IndieMatty]

eheh. you said pussy.

[miajag81]

[ QUOTE ]
Ah freshman year. Just relax and enjoy yourself, son.

[/ QUOTE ]

ding ding ding

[4_2_it]

Time is your friend here. If her HS boyfriend is like the rest of us he has already screwed around 8-9 times. Just don't be rebound man in December unless you are looking to hit it and move on.

[SomethingClever]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm sorry, but this is dead wrong. Being "available" as a friend just pushes you further and further up the "friend" list and down from the "guys I wanna bang" list.

Being unavailable is what attracts girls. Period.

It's stupid, but it's the truth.


[/ QUOTE ]

Uh, I think we're in agreement... hell, maybe I didn't express myself clearly.

I certainly don't think he should be sitting by the damn phone waiting for her to call so they can go shopping together.

But I also don't think he should blow her off completely. He can still act friendly... but just be busy when she wants to use him for back-up friend activities.

He needs to just get on with it, make plans and hang out with other girls. Then, when this chizz comes crawling, welcome to sextown.

[Dominic]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'm sorry, but this is dead wrong. Being "available" as a friend just pushes you further and further up the "friend" list and down from the "guys I wanna bang" list.

Being unavailable is what attracts girls. Period.

It's stupid, but it's the truth.


[/ QUOTE ]

Uh, I think we're in agreement... hell, maybe I didn't express myself clearly.

I certainly don't think he should be sitting by the damn phone waiting for her to call so they can go shopping together.

But I also don't think he should blow her off completely. He can still act friendly... but just be busy when she wants to use him for back-up friend activities.

He needs to just get on with it, make plans and hang out with other girls. Then, when this chizz comes crawling, welcome to sextown.

[/ QUOTE ]


that works.

I forgot one last piece of advise but it is all dependent on the answer to the following question.

Can you lick your own eyebrows?


LLL

[ClaytonN]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm sorry, but this is dead wrong. Being "available" as a friend just pushes you further and further up the "friend" list and down from the "guys I wanna bang" list.

Being unavailable is what attracts girls. Period.

It's stupid, but it's the truth.

[/ QUOTE ]

K, well, this is what I did. We will wait for results, eh? I made the mistake of relaying this message over AIM though as opposed to face-to-face. Somehow I think I would botch things up in a conversation with that magnitude.

[TheWorstPlayer]

[ QUOTE ]
Somehow I think I would botch things up in a conversation with that magnitude.

[/ QUOTE ]
Dude, you need to get laid so bad it is not even remotely funny. Then all the pieces will fall into place. Start hanging out with really slutty girls.

[shadow29]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Somehow I think I would botch things up in a conversation with that magnitude.

[/ QUOTE ]
Dude, you need to get laid so bad it is not even remotely funny. Then all the pieces will fall into place. Start hanging out with really slutty girls.

[/ QUOTE ]

Seriously.

And you're at [censored] UGA too.

Those girls are aggressive; even you can get laid there.

[Spladle Master]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Somehow I think I would botch things up in a conversation with that magnitude.

[/ QUOTE ]
Dude, you need to get laid so bad it is not even remotely funny. Then all the pieces will fall into place. Start hanging out with really slutty girls.

[/ QUOTE ]
This is the correct answer.

[WDC]

Tell her you are looking to be more than friends and if you keep seeing her a s a friend now that just isn't going to happen. Tell her to look you up after Thanksgiving and after she has made up her mind on the other guy. Until then, you have got to make yourself scarce.

[jaydub]

[ QUOTE ]
No, no, no.

Tell her you respect her decision, but you have no interest in being "friends." You're interested in her romantically - make sure she knows this in no uncertain terms. You are being put on the back burner. Make sure she knows that is not acceptable to you.

Wish her well and move on.

She will respect this more than if you hung around, waiting for her to make a decision about you, like a puppy hoping for a scrap of dinner table food.

Say goodbye, good luck - and most importantly - DO NOT CALL HER, EMAIL HER, ETC.

If she has a change of heart, believe me, she will let you know. Strangely enough, cutting all ties with her will make you look more strong, more manly - more attractive - in her eyes.

Never accept a demotion to "friend" status. There is no return to the majors from that.

I will be addressing this point in one of my upcoming columns....

[/ QUOTE ]

Great advice, and while you are doing that make sure that you [censored] her friends, roomates, etc. Basically make sure that at all times she sees you, she is confronted with the fact that you are [censored] someone close to her. Bonus points for the cuter friends but not required.

It will help your state of mind, it will be fun, and it may help you [censored] her again. I can promise the first two but not the third.

[samjjones]

[ QUOTE ]
No, no, no.

Tell her you respect her decision, but you have no interest in being "friends." You're interested in her romantically - make sure she knows this in no uncertain terms. You are being put on the back burner. Make sure she knows that is not acceptable to you.

Wish her well and move on.

She will respect this more than if you hung around, waiting for her to make a decision about you, like a puppy hoping for a scrap of dinner table food.

Say goodbye, good luck - and most importantly - DO NOT CALL HER, EMAIL HER, ETC.

If she has a change of heart, believe me, she will let you know. Strangely enough, cutting all ties with her will make you look more strong, more manly - more attractive - in her eyes.

Never accept a demotion to "friend" status. There is no return to the majors from that.

I will be addressing this point in one of my upcoming columns....

[/ QUOTE ]

This is good advice.

[TheWorstPlayer]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Somehow I think I would botch things up in a conversation with that magnitude.

[/ QUOTE ]
Dude, you need to get laid so bad it is not even remotely funny. Then all the pieces will fall into place. Start hanging out with really slutty girls.

[/ QUOTE ]

Seriously.

And you're at [censored] UGA too.

Those girls are aggressive; even you can get laid there.

[/ QUOTE ]
Holy [censored], I didn't realise you are at UGA! I visited there for a weekend a short while ago. Hard to imagine NOT getting laid nightly there. Those girls are so loose, my god. Forget this West Coast bitch and go to Sons or that bar with the confederate flags over the bar. Impossible not to score.

[ClaytonN]

[ QUOTE ]

Holy [censored], I didn't realise you are at UGA! I visited there for a weekend a short while ago. Hard to imagine NOT getting laid nightly there. Those girls are so loose, my god. Forget this West Coast bitch and go to Sons or that bar with the confederate flags over the bar. Impossible not to score.

[/ QUOTE ]

When I pledge a frat in the spring I can see this. I'm not a big drinker, though, as is, and neither are a lot of my friends around my dorm.

[xadrez]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm not a big drinker, though, as is, and neither are a lot of my friends around my dorm.

[/ QUOTE ]

Whats wrong with kids these days. My freshman year is one giant blur. I think I dropped a dose my first night there.

[augie00]

I've found from experience that the best solution to this problem is to just forget she ever happened. You may think that it will be difficult but it will be easier than you think. Don't waste your life away waiting for some girl who will most likely mean nothing to you in the very near future.

[TheWorstPlayer]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Holy [censored], I didn't realise you are at UGA! I visited there for a weekend a short while ago. Hard to imagine NOT getting laid nightly there. Those girls are so loose, my god. Forget this West Coast bitch and go to Sons or that bar with the confederate flags over the bar. Impossible not to score.

[/ QUOTE ]

When I pledge a frat in the spring I can see this. I'm not a big drinker, though, as is, and neither are a lot of my friends around my dorm.

[/ QUOTE ]
You're not a big drinker but you're planning on pledging a frat? I went to a school with no Greek life and I know UGA has tons, but that still doesn't sound like it gels. Anyways, you should definitely just forget this chick, start drinking more, hang out with slutty alcoholic girls, and you will have much more fun in college.

[Ulysses]

[ QUOTE ]
Don't be that guy.

[/ QUOTE ]

I had to figure this stuff out without the help of OOT. Don't be that guy.

[Ulysses]

[ QUOTE ]
-Don't want to be friends

[/ QUOTE ]

Wrong. Nothing positive from being negative.

[ QUOTE ]
-Will support as a friend

[/ QUOTE ]

Wrong. Then she'll just start banging some other guy after breaking up with hometown guy, keeping you for support and comfort.

[ QUOTE ]
-Fk it Clay, move on

[/ QUOTE ]

Exactly. Don't cut her off, but don't pursue her in any way. Treat her like a gf of a friend of yours or something. Some chick that you hang around with when she's around, but not one you go out of your way to do anything with. Avoid long talks, phone calls, etc.

[Scuba Chuck]

There's a few lines you can take. All of which have been successful for me, and they all involve one school of thought. Unavailability. Furthermore, you can piece all of this together, as it's already woven through this post.

1) The most powerful move here is to tell her you like her more than friends. And that if that's the decision she intends to make, you respect that, but you have no intentions of "being demoted to friend status." In fact, the more you can joke around with this serious conversation the better. But the end result is that she needs to decide what she wants. Furthermore, she doesn't need to decide right then, or within the next week. But I would certainly think she would need to decide by the week following Thanks Giving.

2) You need to begin distancing yourself, and no hooking up. This part is more challenging, as you have to have pretty good skillz to demonstrate to her that you are willing to make time for her in your world, but not on these terms.

The point is, communication is surprisingly effective. If you like her enough, that you think it's worth it to reveal your feelings, which definately is difficult to do, you're often rewarded enough. Chicks dig that stuff anyhow.

As a side note. How confident are you that she's not permanently demoting you to friend status? This is an important acknowledgement on your part.

[RunDownHouse]

[ QUOTE ]
Say goodbye, good luck - and most importantly - DO NOT CALL HER, EMAIL HER, ETC.

[/ QUOTE ]
This is exactly what I meant when I said it was a bad idea to issue her an ultimatum. Whoever said, "make your time with her a rare commodity" put it really well. There's no harm in remaining friendly while you go out and look for other girls.

Telling her, "Take me to bed or lose me forever," is a pretty stupid approach.

[KJS]

Tell her you like to f*ck hot chicks, not be friends with them. You have enough friends. You feel attracted to her, so you want to bone. If she is not attracted, that's cool, you'll go find someone who is.

I am not saying do this in a "I am so cool and I bone every chick I meet" way, just a way that expresses your desire for HER and let's her know that sex is part of what you want out of the relationship. Chicks love knowing that guys want to f*ck them.

KJS

[ClaytonN]

i stuck to my guns. it was fairly messy. she wants to just be friends, regardless of the other guy, because apparantly she has no self confidence that any guy could like her after a while. and that's that.

i want to either crawl into a shell or get hammered. i can't decide which. def. cant wait until I rush so I dont have to deal with bs like this so much.

[A_PLUS]

Im sure the rest of the thread read exactly like my advise.

DO NOT WAIT FOR THIS GIRL!!!!

There is a very simple rule about women, that if you understand it, will make your life a lot simpler. If a woman likes you, she will let you know. If she doesnt, there isnt a hell of a lot you can do to change her mind.

Ignoring what she says, chicks hate to hurt people's feelings, and can be very selfish.

If the girl liked you, this other dude wouldnt be in the equation. Think about this for a second. If you liked a girl, would you ever play it like she did?

Second, grow a set, my friend. The surest fire way to stop a girl from liking you, is to tell her something along the lines of "ummm...yeah, go bang that dude in Cali, I will wait for you."

Its not even all of that, 'wanting what you can't have' garbage, which I only buy to an extent. It just makes you look like a dude without anything else going on. Never a good guy to be in the eyes of the women you love.

[A_PLUS]

[ QUOTE ]
i stuck to my guns. it was fairly messy. she wants to just be friends, regardless of the other guy, because apparantly she has no self confidence that any guy could like her after a while. and that's that.

i want to either crawl into a shell or get hammered. i can't decide which. def. cant wait until I rush so I dont have to deal with bs like this so much.

[/ QUOTE ]

Don't harp on it bro.

You know what always cheers me up?

...Rolled up Aces over Kings...Check-raising stupid tourists and taking HUGE pots of of them...

My point being, just go and have some fun. If you let relationships like this effect your life so much, you are in for a long tough road.

Unfortunately, my coping skills as a 20 year old was pretty much tequila and ugly chicks, but to each there own

[JihadOnTheRiver]

W/O reading the rest of the responses, my answer is to gauge whether or not you can have sex with her anytime soon. If not, dump it. There are no female friends. If yes, keep her around, and work it as appropriate.

Jihad

[roxtar]

[ QUOTE ]
Fk it Clay, move on

[/ QUOTE ]