giving your gf money...

[DcifrThs]

ok, so here's the situation. my girlfriend gets paid biweekly. she doesn't have a lot of spending money as a result of breaking her ankle a few months back (dirtbiking). She has to pay the hospital bills and lives about 40 miles from work. so she drives 80miles/day in a saturn (probably 2003 model, maybe newer). I figure she gets on average 25miles/gallon and her tank holds less than 10 gallons (i filled it up once and was shocked how little it held). so basically we're looking at 200 or so mi/tank. so about 2 tanks for the work week + driving to see me. thats 2.25 tanks *3*8= about 50 bucks.

in the past (last time she visited) i stuck $40 in her purse for gas, she said thanks that was it. I buy her whatever she wants within reason when we go to the mall and take care of everything financially. i like spoiling her, makes me happy. but i dont want her to feel dependent or something like that...

which brings me to the point. i want to give her enough cash to easily get through the week w/o a problem. probably like $100 or $120 and fill her tank for her while she's here.

is this out of place? she lives at home and her parents dont give her anything except a place to live and some food, but no spending money at all. she basiclaly had to tap her available cash to pay hospital & piano & car payments. obviously, by my rambling i feel a bit weird about just giving her money, ya know? and i dont want her to feel like a prostitute or something. id rather not talk about it with her b/c its an unneccessary topic of discussion and it would make her likely feel worse about her situation...

so do i just put $100 or $120 in her purse before she leaves assuming she visits on saturday???

thanks,
Barron

[Vavavoom]

Give her money but tell her why you are doing it as opposed to making her feel like a "hooker".....

There's nothing wrong with trying to help her...Thats what "love" is about.....Just let her know its whilst she is on the mend...

You are making decent money playing [censored], so trying to aid her whilst she has the bad ankle isn't a bad gesture at all...

Only downside is you could be setting a precedent....

[jakethebake]

I've run into this before too. You really just want to do something nice for them, but you're afraid that the nice gesture will make them uncomfortable. Sometimes it does. How do you still do it without them feeling that way? Great question. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[RollaJ]

You dont want her to feel like a whore, but you want to slip it into her purse whenever she leaves after a weekend with you?

You said she works and lives at home, why does she need extra money?

Id say if you want to help out (assuming youve been with her a while), give her a thousand and tell her she can pay you back when she has less cash flow problems. If you stay together you can obviously forget the money, if you dont tell her youll break the other ankle /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[Exitonly]

aslong as you think she's doing what she can to get money for herself i see no problem with you helping her out..it's oncec she starrts to rely on your money and doesnt try to sustain herself that you have a problem.

[DcifrThs]

[ QUOTE ]
I've run into this before too. You really just want to do something nice for them, but you're afraid that the nice gesture will make them uncomfortable. Sometimes it does. How do you still do it without them feeling that way? Great question. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

thanks, any ideas??

Barron

[BoogerFace]

Maybe she needs a better paying job or a job closer to home?

A hundred a week is a lot of moola.

I think it's one thing to buy her clothes and gifts and pickup dinner tabs, but putting her on an allowance seems weird.

Why don't you pick her up and do the driving on weekends?

[Blarg]

She doesn't pay for food or rent, works, has you buy her stuff, and still needs money? Unless she's planning on breaking her ankle frequently, that doesn't sound like it will be an ongoing thing. If you want to help her out here and there, that's one thing, but if you make a habit or schedule of it, it has a chance of negatively impacting your relationship, making her feel or actually become to some extent dependent on you, and dependency almost always leads to buried resentment.

If your relationship is good, it doesn't need the extra money in it. But the extra money, unless it's a really sporadic thing, could wind up harming the relationship. It may feel good to give it out in the short run, but lead to bad feelings in the long run.

It really sucks to even begin to think about anything like this negatively, and I'm sure there will be flames for my saying all that, because nobody would like to think about the negative sides of how money can unbalance a relationship, and it might hit a nerve. But money is actually one of the major reasons relationships come apart, as well as come together in the wrong way. It can be better to keep it from ever being a factor at all. I imagine she did fine before you and can do fine without you, so there's no sense putting your elbow on the scale by adding money to the mix, even if it's with the best of intentions, unless it's done very sporadically.

[mslif]

You seem very kind and this is a very generous thought.
That being said, she works, does not have pay bills other than gas, piano lesson and pay for her doctor for her broken ankle (which is only temporary). It seems to me that she should learn to budget her money. Giving her money will not help her be more responsible about it.
I understand that you love her and want to help her but I do not think this is the right thing to do.
If she is broke, then she needs to find a new job. Giving her money is too easy.

[sfer]

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0001G86BI.01-A1ZGOVCH92KP2V._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

[DcifrThs]

[ QUOTE ]
piano lesson

[/ QUOTE ]

yea i shoulda specified...its a grand piano that has monthly payments...she teaches herself.

anyways, i think you also have a good point...i just feel bad when she feels bad and want her to be happy, or at least not worried about the next week or whatever...

Barron

[DcifrThs]

[ QUOTE ]
unless it's done very sporadically

[/ QUOTE ]

thats clearly the plan. the word allowance never crossed my mind.

Barron

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
i just feel bad when she feels bad and want her to be happy

[/ QUOTE ]

Ding! You're a nice guy. Nothing wrong with it.

[miajag81]

[ QUOTE ]
i just feel bad when she feels bad and want her to be happy

[/ QUOTE ]

That's good and all, but throwing cash at her isn't the best way to do this, looking at the long term.

[mslif]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
piano lesson

[/ QUOTE ]

yea i shoulda specified...its a grand piano that has monthly payments...she teaches herself.

anyways, i think you also have a good point...i just feel bad when she feels bad and want her to be happy, or at least not worried about the next week or whatever...

Barron

[/ QUOTE ]

It is very understandable and as I said before you seem like a really good guy.
If she is unhappy with her financial situation, she needs to make a change. It should not be your burden to carry.

[MelK]

Give her a chance to take the money for herself.

Leaving a few Franklins, Grants and Jacksons laying around haphazardly should do the trick.

[jaydub]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I've run into this before too. You really just want to do something nice for them, but you're afraid that the nice gesture will make them uncomfortable. Sometimes it does. How do you still do it without them feeling that way? Great question. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

thanks, any ideas??

Barron

[/ QUOTE ]

It's all going to depend on your relationship. In some relationships this can put you in a problematic provider role, in others this can simply be the nice gesture you want it to be. Since we are on the outside, we cannot tell you if this will cause a problem in your specific relationship, only that this can cause a problem. Factors such as length and depth of the relationship, personal views on money, and personality types will determine the result.

If you do give her a substantial (to her) amount of money, I highly recommend you do it with the attitude of "money ain't a thing". I wouldn't even get into calling it a loan, just make a throwaway comment like you can pay me back when you get a chance. Pretend like you have so much money that giving her that amount has no effect on you. Of course you will be best served if you actually have that view. It sounds like you don't care about the money and have no concerns about getting paid back, which is very good here.

Also, have you considered just waiting until she asks?

[canis582]

$5,200/year. What percent of your income is that?

[jaydub]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
piano lesson

[/ QUOTE ]

yea i shoulda specified...its a grand piano that has monthly payments...she teaches herself.

anyways, i think you also have a good point...i just feel bad when she feels bad and want her to be happy, or at least not worried about the next week or whatever...

Barron

[/ QUOTE ]

It is very understandable and as I said before you seem like a really good guy.
If she is unhappy with her financial situation, she needs to make a change. It should not be your burden to carry.

[/ QUOTE ]

While good advice is some types of relationships, this is atrocious advice in a long term, committed relationship with two people who have vast disparities in income and wealth. I cannot say whether the first qualifier is true here but it damn sure sounds like the second is.

[Lazymeatball]

Why don't you just marry her, if you feel obligated to help her financially?

[jaydub]

[ QUOTE ]
$5,200/year. What percent of your income is that?

[/ QUOTE ]

That ain't even my starbucks budget /images/graemlins/grin.gif

wtf is the context for this question? $100/week * 52 weeks? /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[jaydub]

[ QUOTE ]
Why don't you just marry her, if you feel obligated to help her financially?

[/ QUOTE ]

Because he made it clear that he didn't want to put her on an allowance and... I better stop there in case wifey is reading...

[MelK]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Why don't you just marry her, if you feel obligated to help her financially?

[/ QUOTE ]

Because he made it clear that he didn't want to put her on an allowance and... I better stop there in case wifey is reading...

[/ QUOTE ]

marriage != allowance

marriage = giving away at least 50% of your personal equity

[tolbiny]

Check out some of barron's posts in the Unmentionable forums- i don't think a couple of grand a year is going to break him.

[wildzer0]

Great post. I'll just add my two cents. I had a gf for a few years who ended up depending on my completely for money. We lived together, she wouldn't get/keep a job and I ended up hating her. Adding money to a relationship can definitely break it apart. That said, as long as it's a sporadic thing it's probably not a big deal. Let her know you'd like to help her out because she's having trouble working or whatever. Be up front and tell her it's not a long term thing, but you'd like to help out while she's having some problems.

One other thing. Do not slip the money in her purse when she visits! That'll just make things weird. Talk to her about it.

[Bluffoon]

I would just pay off her hospital bill. That way it is a one shot deal and it is not like you are paying her for her services on a regular basis or something you are just taking care of a problem for her.

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
Check out some of barron's posts in the Unmentionable forums- i don't think a couple of grand a year is going to break him.

[/ QUOTE ]

its not, but that's not the point. Check out what Blarg said. If you've read any of his posts you'll see he's practically the ken jennings of OOT. Mslif said something similar.

Bottom line is this: you have to be careful about precedent; you have to choose your actions based on what kind of person she is; if she's the kind of girl to offer to pickup dinner or things here and there, even if you end up paying most of the time, then a little help temporarily or even now and then won't be bad in my opinion. But watch yourself...you sound like a thoughtful guy with some available cash. As someone who's been there before, just be careful and realize that sometimes having to go without is better than going with.....

[Bluffoon]

Whoaaa.... You should not have to "make" her happy. It's not your job. Happiness comes from inside. People who look externally for happiness may be codependent.

[Paluka]

Am I the only one trying to figure out how the size of her gas tank matters?

[ QUOTE ]
so do i just put $100 or $120 in her purse before she leaves assuming she visits on saturday???

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude that's not even one BB in your game right? Just tell her, "I was going to light this hundy on fire b/c it doesn't mean anything to me. Do you want it instead?"

[samjjones]

If she is driving to see YOU, I think its reasonable for you to be a gentleman and offer to give her some cash to offset those costs. I don't think that would offend her or set any kind of precedent that you can't get out of.

[Aces McGee]

Similarly, am I the only one concerned that his girlfriend rides a dirtbike?

-McGee

[Aces McGee]

[ QUOTE ]
If she is driving to see YOU, I think its reasonable for you to be a gentleman and offer to give her some cash to offset those costs. I don't think that would offend her or set any kind of precedent that you can't get out of.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree. I also think you can find a way to pay for a few other things, like birth control, which both of you use but which she (likely) pays for.

All of this is contingent, however, on your "read" of her as someone who won't take advantage of you. My girlfriend always puts up something of a fight when I offer to pay for even small things (like meals), despite the fact that she doesn't make very much money. This makes me a lot more comfortable giving her money when she needs it.

-McGee

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
Similarly, am I the only one concerned that his girlfriend rides a dirtbike?

-McGee

[/ QUOTE ]

Why would this concern you?

[crunchy1]

[ QUOTE ]
id rather not talk about it with her b/c its an unneccessary topic of discussion

[/ QUOTE ]
If you're at all serious about your relationship finance should NEVER be an unneccessary topic of discussion. It's not an easy conversation to have - but they MUST happen. Openly discussing things like the situation you describe will not only ease your mind on that one specific issue but - it will also increase the bond of your relationship. It will also likely ease her concern for her own situation and at not make you feel like a "john" for helping her out with cash every week.

OTOH - If you're not that serious, I'd just casually offer to help her out during the time you spend together. There's no reason that you need to be providing her money to go to lunch with her friends or go shopping alone during the week in her hometown. However, when you're together do nice things - and p/u the tab. Be careful that this does not become the "norm" or "expected". As someone mentioned - if she's not going to be a willing financial contributor to the relationship after she's back on her feet (pun intended /images/graemlins/wink.gif) - then you may want to rexamine what's holding your relationship together.

[Aces McGee]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Similarly, am I the only one concerned that his girlfriend rides a dirtbike?

-McGee

[/ QUOTE ]

Why would this concern you?

[/ QUOTE ]

Because where I grew up (rural Vermont), the chicks who rode dirt bikes were the same ones who chewed tobacco and shaved stuff into the back of their heads.

-McGee

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
Because where I grew up (rural Vermont), the chicks who rode dirt bikes were the same ones who chewed tobacco and shaved stuff into the back of their heads.

-McGee

[/ QUOTE ]

I've never known a girl that did either. But I think if a girl is sexy to start with, then the same girl on a bike would be sexy as hell.

edit: Yep. Nothing like a gal that enjoys a dirty ride. /images/graemlins/heart.gif

[SheetWise]

You should be offering to help her pay her medical bills, not giving her spending money. The medical bills will eventually go away.

[ QUOTE ]
is this out of place? she lives at home

[/ QUOTE ]

As opposed to someone not living at home?

[Aces McGee]

[ QUOTE ]
But I think if a girl is sexy to start with, then the same girl on a bike would be sexy as hell.

[/ QUOTE ]

Obviously. I wasn't saying that there was something about dirtbikes that makes women ugly. I was just busting Barron's balls a bit, based on my experience with dirtbike-riding women.

-McGee

[CCovington]

Maybe you should give her a job: mowing grass, cleaning house, cooking, laundry...etc

[peachy]

i think this is a bad move...most of us have been in that situation so im not being unsympathetic. She doesnt have ANY bills to pay except living at home and most people get paid monthly or every two weeks, so i dont know why this is an issue unless she doesnt know how to budget her money. She seems to be in a pretty good gas situation in comparison to some (i think these cars have a 13-14 gallon tank, not a 10, might be wrong though) You are already buying her things she wants and slipping her money that she knows about (and doesnt reject...which im not sure how to take this) but this to me doesnt help her...it makes her more dependent on others when she already has so little to take care of on her own anyway. Im not sure how her ankle factors in here though, is it preventing her from working? Does she not have health insurance?

Its one thing to help her if you see her struggling really hard and she is doing all you can but its another to give her most of what she wants and then give her money for other things without her even asking, human nature makes people come to expect this stuff and money ruins alot of relationships - when things get rocky she may not come unless u give her gas money or buy her things, or she might expect it and be let down if u dont, or even see u in another light

...its a touchy subject and hard to give any solid advice without knowing more...with this info it doesnt seem like a smart move...good luck either way

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
piano lesson

[/ QUOTE ]

yea i shoulda specified...its a grand piano that has monthly payments...she teaches herself.

anyways, i think you also have a good point...i just feel bad when she feels bad and want her to be happy, or at least not worried about the next week or whatever...

Barron

[/ QUOTE ]

It is very understandable and as I said before you seem like a really good guy.
If she is unhappy with her financial situation, she needs to make a change. It should not be your burden to carry.

[/ QUOTE ]

While good advice is some types of relationships, this is atrocious advice in a long term, committed relationship with two people who have vast disparities in income and wealth. I cannot say whether the first qualifier is true here but it damn sure sounds like the second is.

[/ QUOTE ]

They're not married.

[tpir90036]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I've run into this before too. You really just want to do something nice for them, but you're afraid that the nice gesture will make them uncomfortable. Sometimes it does. How do you still do it without them feeling that way? Great question. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

thanks, any ideas??

[/ QUOTE ]
Uhhh, how about talking to her about it? Fire up a quick and low key conversation while you are chowing McNuggets at the food court and just get it over with.

[jaydub]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
piano lesson

[/ QUOTE ]

yea i shoulda specified...its a grand piano that has monthly payments...she teaches herself.

anyways, i think you also have a good point...i just feel bad when she feels bad and want her to be happy, or at least not worried about the next week or whatever...

Barron

[/ QUOTE ]

It is very understandable and as I said before you seem like a really good guy.
If she is unhappy with her financial situation, she needs to make a change. It should not be your burden to carry.

[/ QUOTE ]

While good advice is some types of relationships, this is atrocious advice in a long term, committed relationship with two people who have vast disparities in income and wealth. I cannot say whether the first qualifier is true here but it damn sure sounds like the second is.

[/ QUOTE ]

They're not married.

[/ QUOTE ]

Marriage is not required to have a long term, committed relationship.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
id rather not talk about it with her b/c its an unneccessary topic of discussion

[/ QUOTE ]
If you're at all serious about your relationship finance should NEVER be an unneccessary topic of discussion. It's not an easy conversation to have - but they MUST happen. Openly discussing things like the situation you describe will not only ease your mind on that one specific issue but - it will also increase the bond of your relationship. It will also likely ease her concern for her own situation and at not make you feel like a "john" for helping her out with cash every week.

OTOH - If you're not that serious, I'd just casually offer to help her out during the time you spend together. There's no reason that you need to be providing her money to go to lunch with her friends or go shopping alone during the week in her hometown. However, when you're together do nice things - and p/u the tab. Be careful that this does not become the "norm" or "expected". As someone mentioned - if she's not going to be a willing financial contributor to the relationship after she's back on her feet (pun intended /images/graemlins/wink.gif) - then you may want to rexamine what's holding your relationship together.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good post.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Because where I grew up (rural Vermont), the chicks who rode dirt bikes were the same ones who chewed tobacco and shaved stuff into the back of their heads.

-McGee

[/ QUOTE ]

I've never known a girl that did either. But I think if a girl is sexy to start with, then the same girl on a bike would be sexy as hell.

edit: Yep. Nothing like a gal that enjoys a dirty ride. /images/graemlins/heart.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

I think athletic girls are really sexy, too.

However, girls who get into trouble financially when they break an ankle probably shouldn't be riding motorbikes. I also regularly discourage blind people from taking up tightrope walking.

[ QUOTE ]
If she is driving to see YOU, I think its reasonable for you to be a gentleman and offer to give her some cash to offset those costs. I don't think that would offend her or set any kind of precedent that you can't get out of.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is correct. It is NOT her responsibility to fit the bill for all the travelling costs to come to YOUR place. Even if you were both financially well off, I don't think it's unreasonable to split this cost. Since she's not doing so well financially, I don't think it is out of line -at all- to front this cost. Bear in mind sitting in a car driving somewhere is a pain in the ass regardless, adding in having to pay all the costs + the time wasted in the car can end up being a sizable time/money investment. I would assume she drives all the time because you have your own place and you get privacy, so you aren't splitting "travel" costs automatically due to living situations. So basically, I think you are fine, not only do I think what you're doing is perfectly acceptable, you shouldn't feel like any kind of charity -at all- for doing this.

To add to this: if you want to talk to her about it, phrase it like this. "I'm not trying to offend you by supporting your travel expenses, but I think it's fair to do it this way, since you're always spending your time in the car driving to see me and I know money is a little tight and I thought this was just a really fair way to do it." Something like that should be a perfectly reasonable (and accurate) way of handling this.

-dustyn

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
i think this is a bad move...most of us have been in that situation so im not being unsympathetic. She doesnt have ANY bills to pay except living at home and most people get paid monthly or every two weeks, so i dont know why this is an issue unless she doesnt know how to budget her money. She seems to be in a pretty good gas situation in comparison to some (i think these cars have a 13-14 gallon tank, not a 10, might be wrong though) You are already buying her things she wants and slipping her money that she knows about (and doesnt reject...which im not sure how to take this) but this to me doesnt help her...it makes her more dependent on others when she already has so little to take care of on her own anyway. Im not sure how her ankle factors in here though, is it preventing her from working? Does she not have health insurance?

Its one thing to help her if you see her struggling really hard and she is doing all you can but its another to give her most of what she wants and then give her money for other things without her even asking, human nature makes people come to expect this stuff and money ruins alot of relationships - when things get rocky she may not come unless u give her gas money or buy her things, or she might expect it and be let down if u dont, or even see u in another light

...its a touchy subject and hard to give any solid advice without knowing more...with this info it doesnt seem like a smart move...good luck either way

[/ QUOTE ]

I think this is the best post Peachy has ever written in OOT.

[daveymck]

My GF relies almost totally on me for money, mainly as she was ill last year and with me working away her job made life very difficult for her and the kids. There are tax reasons behind as well.

Her life is easier and she is happier but as Blarg has said there is some underlying tensions there. There is no allowance and I dont audit what she spends it on or whatever but she has said a few times "oh I forget I dont have any money do I" which may be down to me, her or as I suspect a bit of both.

Money can be a very touchy subject in many relationshps so tread carefully.

[jaydub]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i think this is a bad move...most of us have been in that situation so im not being unsympathetic. She doesnt have ANY bills to pay except living at home and most people get paid monthly or every two weeks, so i dont know why this is an issue unless she doesnt know how to budget her money. She seems to be in a pretty good gas situation in comparison to some (i think these cars have a 13-14 gallon tank, not a 10, might be wrong though) You are already buying her things she wants and slipping her money that she knows about (and doesnt reject...which im not sure how to take this) but this to me doesnt help her...it makes her more dependent on others when she already has so little to take care of on her own anyway. Im not sure how her ankle factors in here though, is it preventing her from working? Does she not have health insurance?

Its one thing to help her if you see her struggling really hard and she is doing all you can but its another to give her most of what she wants and then give her money for other things without her even asking, human nature makes people come to expect this stuff and money ruins alot of relationships - when things get rocky she may not come unless u give her gas money or buy her things, or she might expect it and be let down if u dont, or even see u in another light

...its a touchy subject and hard to give any solid advice without knowing more...with this info it doesnt seem like a smart move...good luck either way

[/ QUOTE ]

I think this is the best post Peachy has ever written in OOT.

[/ QUOTE ]

Is that like winning a gold medal at the special olympics?

[stoxtrader]

[ QUOTE ]
Am I the only one trying to figure out how the size of her gas tank matters?

[/ QUOTE ]

This is hilarious.

Also, I can't believe nobody has mentioned seinfeld yet where he starts sleeping with his housecleaner, then she stops cleaning the house, but still takes the money.

[WDC]

haven't read any other posts but it seems to me that just putting 100-120 in cash in her purse after she spends the weekend is more likely to make her feel like a prostitute (and a cheap one at that) than talking to her about it. It seems that if you explained that you understand her financial situation and have the ability to help out and want to help out and it makes you happy to help out would be far more benefical to her self worth than leaving some cash in her purse .

[Shajen]

How much are her hospital bills?

How long have you been dating?

My wife and I were in a similiar situation when we first started dating.

I made a good chunk of money consulting, she was a bartender during the dot com crash. (meaning all the geeks weren't out spending cash like they were before.)

I explained to her when I paid for stuff (her gas, cell phone, stuff like that) that it made me happy and obviously allowed her to have more money for stuff she wanted. It depends on the person, but you can make this work.

I personally would not do the "allowance" thing, because I think it would bring up some feelings many others here already hit on.

Either way, this is a good question.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
piano lesson

[/ QUOTE ]

yea i shoulda specified...its a grand piano that has monthly payments...she teaches herself.

anyways, i think you also have a good point...i just feel bad when she feels bad and want her to be happy, or at least not worried about the next week or whatever...

Barron

[/ QUOTE ]

It is very understandable and as I said before you seem like a really good guy.
If she is unhappy with her financial situation, she needs to make a change. It should not be your burden to carry.

[/ QUOTE ]

While good advice is some types of relationships, this is atrocious advice in a long term, committed relationship with two people who have vast disparities in income and wealth. I cannot say whether the first qualifier is true here but it damn sure sounds like the second is.

[/ QUOTE ]

They're not married.

[/ QUOTE ]

Marriage is not required to have a long term, committed relationship.

[/ QUOTE ]

Neither is money. And it can easily be counter-productive.

[WDC]

[ QUOTE ]
You should be offering to help her pay her medical bills, not giving her spending money. The medical bills will eventually go away.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is a good option.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You should be offering to help her pay her medical bills, not giving her spending money. The medical bills will eventually go away.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is a good option.

[/ QUOTE ]

Of all the long-winded posts here, this was probably the best response.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You should be offering to help her pay her medical bills, not giving her spending money. The medical bills will eventually go away.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is a good option.

[/ QUOTE ]

It is, and so is helping her on the travel. I've been the one doing the traveling before, and it can add up to quite a chunk of time for anyone, and a good chunk of change to people with limited incomes.

I'm still not sure why her income is so limited if she has a job and pays neither for rent nor food, though.

[jaydub]

[ QUOTE ]
Neither is money. And it can easily be counter-productive.

[/ QUOTE ]

I completely agree and you will see in my earlier posts that I have said as much, it can be a relationship killer. However, I believe that taking the absolute position of

[ QUOTE ]
If she is unhappy with her financial situation, she needs to make a change. It should not be your burden to carry.

[/ QUOTE ]

is awful when considering long term, committed relationships. In such relationships, one partner may have to address his or her issues with spending too much money but saying that it's not a shared burden is wrong.

[gonores]

You ever think of the honesty route?

[Evan]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Am I the only one trying to figure out how the size of her gas tank matters?

[/ QUOTE ]

This is hilarious.

Also, I can't believe nobody has mentioned seinfeld yet where he starts sleeping with his housecleaner, then she stops cleaning the house, but still takes the money.

[/ QUOTE ]Great points by both Paluka and stox.

[Blarg]

Yeah, but who knows how long term and committed the relationship is? They're not living together, and I have no idea if they're considering marriage. Boyfriend/girlfriend isn't much of a basis for the exchange of cash, unless you're trying to buy your way into someone's good graces. And that will more likely just buy you into their hidden resentment or even contempt.

He said he'd only do something sporadically, and that's fine. That's different than carrying a burden. You don't want to be anyone's beast of burden. It's very possible to help too much, or inappropriately to the relationship, and even change the relationship by doing too much of the right thing. Money has a nasty way of doing that.

[Boris]

I saw an interview with Heidi Fliess (sp?) one time. She said if you give your gf money you will get way, way better sex.

This looks like a perfect opportunity to test the hypothesis. Please report back with results.

ps - start out by giving her $200.

[dcasper70]

[ QUOTE ]
I saw an interview with Heidi Fliess (sp?) one time. She said if you give your gf money you will get way, way better sex.

This looks like a perfect opportunity to test the hypothesis. Please report back with results.

ps - start out by giving her $200.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm with Boris on this one. I'd even tell her that the money is for sex. You might find out that she's a real dirty whore who steps it up for the cash.

Something the rest of us already know... /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[ QUOTE ]
Uhhh, how about talking to her about it? Fire up a quick and low key conversation while you are chowing McNuggets at the food court and just get it over with.

[/ QUOTE ]
I like tpir's advice


This shouldn't even be difficult:


you: hey...kind of feel bad that you don't have a lot of money. Can I help you with your gas expenses?
her: uh that's ok. It's not necessary.
you: ok, but just let me know if you change your mind. I'd be willing to help you out there. Hate to see you stressed.

[Boris]

[ QUOTE ]
I'd even tell her that the money is for sex.

[/ QUOTE ]

DO NOT DO THIS! Just slip it in her purse or whatever and don't say anything.

[jaydub]

[ QUOTE ]
I saw an interview with Heidi Fliess (sp?) one time. She said if you give your gf money you will get way, way better sex.

This looks like a perfect opportunity to test the hypothesis. Please report back with results.

ps - start out by giving her $200.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow, this says a lot about Heidi Fliess. I wonder what has to happen to a person to skew them so horribly. Childhood abuse, years of people refusing to acknowledge them as anything but a sex object, maybe something just [censored] up in their head but I'm guessing a combination of the first two.

[jaydub]

The OP does which is why he is the only one who can really answer his question. Although seeing as he posted it to OOT for advice, I think he's [censored].

[Boris]

What the heck do you know anyways?

[jaydub]

[ QUOTE ]
What the heck do you know anyways?

[/ QUOTE ]

That Heidi Fliess is a whore? Is this some kind of trick question?

[sfer]

[ QUOTE ]
I saw an interview with Heidi Fliess (sp?) one time. She said if you give your gf money you will get way, way better sex.

This looks like a perfect opportunity to test the hypothesis. Please report back with results.

ps - start out by giving her $200.

[/ QUOTE ]

Something about you, out with the guys, meeting up with hookers...

[Boris]

The fact that she was a female pimp automatically makes her more qualified to speak on sexual relationships than 99.99% of the population. Are you even female?

[utmt40]

Sounds good to me man...she is having a rough time now and you are there for her...That is a great thing to have in a relationship (someone you can count on) and this will help your relationship more than hurt it. Good luck and take care. BTW make sure she is keeping up her end too /images/graemlins/grin.gif!

[Boris]

What's your point?

[mslif]

[ QUOTE ]
The fact that she was a female pimp automatically makes her more qualified to speak on sexual relationships than 99.99% of the population. Are you even female?

[/ QUOTE ]

I am female and a guy giving me money the way you describe it would make me feel like a whore, therefore, no more sex and his ass would be out the door.

[jaydub]

[ QUOTE ]
The fact that she was a female pimp automatically makes her more qualified to speak on sexual relationships than 99.99% of the population. Are you even female?

[/ QUOTE ]

The fact that she was a pimp and a whore means she is less qualified to speak on healthy sexual relationships than 98% of the population.

What kind of sick worldview gets you to believe what you posted?

[Boris]

and how come you got by far the coolest name color? WTF makes you so special?

[BoogerFace]

POTD.

[jaydub]

[ QUOTE ]
and how come you got by far the coolest name color? WTF makes you so special?

[/ QUOTE ]

That he doesn't have to pay for sex? /images/graemlins/confused.gif

Another trick question?

[Boris]

thank you. We have one data point saying Hiedi's idea will not work.

[Boris]

hey asswipe, what are you talking about? I've never paid for sex either.

[Boris]

I don't have a sick worldview.

[mslif]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't have a sick worldview.

[/ QUOTE ]

So is it something you would actually do?

[sfer]

[ QUOTE ]
hey asswipe, what are you talking about? I've never paid for sex either.

[/ QUOTE ]

I know. She really liked you...

[Duke]

Haven't read the thread, but you might think about just paying off her medical bills for her up front. That's the reason she's "poor," right?

This has the added benefit of you seeing if she's still broke all the time, now frmo spending money on other things.

Giving her money when she comes by is nice and all, but it almost "traps" her into going to see you to get the money in installments.

~D

[edtost]

[ QUOTE ]


[/ QUOTE ]Great points by both Paluka and stox.

[/ QUOTE ]

for some reason, you sound suprised by this.

[Boris]

what? give my gf money in the hopes of getting better sex?

no. I'm way too cheap.

But seriously, if I lived life in a vacuum then yes, I would be willing to spend some marginal extra amount of money on my gf (if I had one) if it meant better sex. The only problem is that if it actually worked I would start to have some trust issues and would probably end the relationship in a few months.

[Boris]

I think I'd pay your gf to have sex with me.

[sfer]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
The fact that she was a female pimp automatically makes her more qualified to speak on sexual relationships than 99.99% of the population. Are you even female?

[/ QUOTE ]

I am female and a guy giving me money the way you describe it would make me feel like a whore, therefore, no more sex and his ass would be out the door.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm sure there are some women who would agree with this part--"it would make me feel like a whore"--and therefore improve their sexual performance.

[J.A.Sucker]

I can tell you this about the Boris, his world-view is beyond reproach. Still, he should have banged the hookers - you can't lose when you double down!

[mslif]

[ QUOTE ]
what? give my gf money in the hopes of getting better sex?

no. I'm way too cheap.

But seriously, if I lived life in a vacuum then yes, I would be willing to spend some marginal extra amount of money on my gf (if I had one) if it meant better sex. The only problem is that if it actually worked I would start to have some trust issues and would probably end the relationship in a few months.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with you. If you have to spend/give money to your gf to have better sex then it means that she likes money more than you.

PS: I only asked because you brought up the topic.

[jaydub]

[ QUOTE ]
what? give my gf money in the hopes of getting better sex?

no. I'm way too cheap.

But seriously, if I lived life in a vacuum then yes, I would be willing to spend some marginal extra amount of money on my gf (if I had one) if it meant better sex. The only problem is that if it actually worked I would start to have some trust issues and would probably end the relationship in a few months.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wait so do you not have a gf cause you treated the last one like a whore and she dumped you?

Or is it because your voice hasn't yet dropped and all girls in class tease you?

[J.A.Sucker]

Pretty soon the coolest color will be the plain, old-school color that I'm rolling with. Coolness by attrition, baby.

[arod15]

Give it to her....

[jaydub]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
what? give my gf money in the hopes of getting better sex?

no. I'm way too cheap.

But seriously, if I lived life in a vacuum then yes, I would be willing to spend some marginal extra amount of money on my gf (if I had one) if it meant better sex. The only problem is that if it actually worked I would start to have some trust issues and would probably end the relationship in a few months.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with you. If you have to spend/give money to your gf to have better sex then it means that she likes money more than you.

PS: I only asked because you brought up the topic.

[/ QUOTE ]

Heh, I'll go further, if you have to give money it means:

1. You don't have a girlfriend.
2. You share that girl.

[mslif]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
The fact that she was a female pimp automatically makes her more qualified to speak on sexual relationships than 99.99% of the population. Are you even female?

[/ QUOTE ]

I am female and a guy giving me money the way you describe it would make me feel like a whore, therefore, no more sex and his ass would be out the door.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm sure there are some women who would agree with this part--"it would make me feel like a whore"--and therefore improve their sexual performance.

[/ QUOTE ]

In some instances yes.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'm sure there are some women who would agree with this part--"it would make me feel like a whore"--and therefore improve their sexual performance.

[/ QUOTE ]

In some instances yes.

[/ QUOTE ]

You're giving them money for better sex and they're taking it. I'm pretty sure they feel like whores because they are.

[Shajen]

I'd like to state this thread just took a turn for the awesome.

[mslif]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'm sure there are some women who would agree with this part--"it would make me feel like a whore"--and therefore improve their sexual performance.

[/ QUOTE ]

In some instances yes.

[/ QUOTE ]

You're giving them money for better sex and they're taking it. I'm pretty sure they feel like whores because they are.

[/ QUOTE ]

I took Sfer's comment as sometimes if a girl feels like she is being naughty or dirty (talking dirty, role play...) sex will be better. I do not think he was specifically talking about money.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
I took Sfer's comment as sometimes if a girl feels like she is being naughty or dirty (talking dirty, role play...) sex will be better. I do not think he was specifically talking about money.

[/ QUOTE ]

Then take money out of the equation. He's clearly correct in almost all instances. When she feels naughty, the sex is great. Aside from offering money, what accomplishes this? /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[jaydub]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I took Sfer's comment as sometimes if a girl feels like she is being naughty or dirty (talking dirty, role play...) sex will be better. I do not think he was specifically talking about money.

[/ QUOTE ]

Then take money out of the equation. He's clearly correct in almost all instances. When she feels naughty, the sex is great. Aside from offering money, what accomplishes this? /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

many, many things. in fact I think there's a book or two on the subject.

[Boris]

Thinman is that you?

[imported_anacardo]

[ QUOTE ]
i think this is a bad move...most of us have been in that situation so im not being unsympathetic. She doesnt have ANY bills to pay except living at home and most people get paid monthly or every two weeks, so i dont know why this is an issue unless she doesnt know how to budget her money. She seems to be in a pretty good gas situation in comparison to some (i think these cars have a 13-14 gallon tank, not a 10, might be wrong though) You are already buying her things she wants and slipping her money that she knows about (and doesnt reject...which im not sure how to take this) but this to me doesnt help her...it makes her more dependent on others when she already has so little to take care of on her own anyway. Im not sure how her ankle factors in here though, is it preventing her from working? Does she not have health insurance?

Its one thing to help her if you see her struggling really hard and she is doing all you can but its another to give her most of what she wants and then give her money for other things without her even asking, human nature makes people come to expect this stuff and money ruins alot of relationships - when things get rocky she may not come unless u give her gas money or buy her things, or she might expect it and be let down if u dont, or even see u in another light

...its a touchy subject and hard to give any solid advice without knowing more...with this info it doesnt seem like a smart move...good luck either way

[/ QUOTE ]

PCHY gained a level.

New HP maximum!

New TP maximum!

Learned a new
Technique!

[Boris]

I love you man.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
many, many things. in fact I think there's a book or two on the subject.

[/ QUOTE ]

This isn't the book forum. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

edit: and I was referring to prior to the clothes coming off. I have no issues in that department.

[Blarg]

Turning her on?

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
Turning her on?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yea. Clearly. How do you go about putting her in that mood? Not the romantic mood, the naughty-naughty mood.

[Blarg]

Do her so good she wants to get revenge by raising the stakes on you and doing you even better?

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
Do her so good she wants to get revenge by raising the stakes on you and doing you even better?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yea. That's easily achievable. As stated previously, I'm refering to getting her in the mood to go at it. In other words, prior to the clothes coming off.

[mslif]

[ QUOTE ]
Do her so good she wants to get revenge by raising the stakes on you and doing you even better?

[/ QUOTE ]

nh

[Soul Daddy]

[ QUOTE ]
PCHY gained a level.

New HP maximum!

New TP maximum!

Learned a new
Technique!

[/ QUOTE ]
Brilliant

[jaydub]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Do her so good she wants to get revenge by raising the stakes on you and doing you even better?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yea. That's easily achievable. As stated previously, I'm refering to getting her in the mood to go at it. In other words, prior to the clothes coming off.

[/ QUOTE ]

Talk.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Yea. That's easily achievable. As stated previously, I'm refering to getting her in the mood to go at it. In other words, prior to the clothes coming off.

[/ QUOTE ]

Talk.

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh the irony. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[mslif]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Do her so good she wants to get revenge by raising the stakes on you and doing you even better?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yea. That's easily achievable. As stated previously, I'm refering to getting her in the mood to go at it. In other words, prior to the clothes coming off.

[/ QUOTE ]

Talk.

[/ QUOTE ]

That would be the correct answer.

[eviljeff]

[ QUOTE ]
Just tell her, "I was going to light this hundy on fire b/c it doesn't mean anything to me. Do you want it instead?"

[/ QUOTE ]

this will work as long as your girlfriend is not older than 6

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Talk.

[/ QUOTE ]

That would be the correct answer.

[/ QUOTE ]

I repeat...oh the irony. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[B Dids]

Nobody is going to be a better judge of how she'll take this than you will be.

I don't understand why people ask OOT's advice on very specific interpersonal situations where the correct choice is clearly dependant on the personality of the other person.

My only thought beyond that is that there's a line between "helping" and "enabling" and you should try and find that.

[TripleH68]

[ QUOTE ]
I would just pay off her hospital bill. That way it is a one shot deal and it is not like you are paying her for her services on a regular basis or something you are just taking care of a problem for her.

[/ QUOTE ]

If she happened to break up with him a month from now this would be very bad.

But on the bright side we might see the story play out on Judge Judy.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Do her so good she wants to get revenge by raising the stakes on you and doing you even better?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yea. That's easily achievable. As stated previously, I'm refering to getting her in the mood to go at it. In other words, prior to the clothes coming off.

[/ QUOTE ]

Some key parts of my own personal masterplan: Clip my nosehairs, fingernails, and toenails. No, really. Brush teeth. I really mean it, I'm not kidding. It's totally worth doing. Shave. And take a shower, scrubbing everywhere well, not neglecting inside and behind the ears.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
Some key parts of my own personal masterplan: Clip my nosehairs, fingernails, and toenails. No, really. Brush teeth. I really mean it, I'm not kidding. It's totally worth doing. Shave. And take a shower, scrubbing everywhere well, not neglecting inside and behind the ears.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good personal hygeine...check! So good to know that being clean is what makes them feel like getting dirty. /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

[TimM]

[ QUOTE ]
While good advice is some types of relationships, this is atrocious advice in a long term, committed relationship with two people who have vast disparities in income and wealth. I cannot say whether the first qualifier is true here but it damn sure sounds like the second is.

[/ QUOTE ]

They're not married.

[/ QUOTE ]

Marriage is not required to have a long term, committed relationship.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think it's appropriate to give her money unless they are at least living together.

[Klepton]

this is your girlfriend, not some girl you've been hooking up with.

isn't the only reason why you are playing poker and making so much god damn money is so that you can secure your future with the woman you love?

this is the same girl from the airplane right? this girl sounds like a keeper. give her some money.

just make sure that when you give her the money, she goes down on you instantly like in goodfellas.

[Evan]

[ QUOTE ]
Also, I can't believe nobody has mentioned seinfeld yet where he starts sleeping with his housecleaner, then she stops cleaning the house, but still takes the money.

[/ QUOTE ]
On fox right now.

[Homer]

It's definitely not out of place if you're dating seriously. If it's just a fling, it's a bit strange, but still there's nothing wrong with it.

EDIT - Misread the post. Clearly, since you think she'll feel uncomfortable, it's not a serious relationship as of yet. So yes, perhaps it will be a bit awkward. I think you should still offer, though.

[KaneKungFu123]

i think i read one of your posts where you said "girls should never pay on dates".

if you are making alot of money, and she is not, i see no problem paying her way.

but what if she was making more then you, would you still pay for her?

[Matt Flynn]

[ QUOTE ]
I can tell you this about the Boris, his world-view is beyond reproach.

[/ QUOTE ]

Perfect wingman, all-around good guy, and hung like a polar bear sure, but world-view beyond reproach? Damn. That's big. I will have to drink on that.

[DcifrThs]

Sarah left a little while ago.

while we were in the mall i brought up the topic when she said she had to get gas to go home.

i just said, i got your gas for this trip.

as she left i gave her $40. she gave me a hug and said "nobody has ever treated me as good as you do" (which btw is not a direct result of me just giving her the $40 fyi imo)

made me feel good.


thanks for the advise guys.

Barron

[peachy]

[ QUOTE ]
Sarah left a little while ago.

while we were in the mall i brought up the topic when she said she had to get gas to go home.

i just said, i got your gas for this trip.

as she left i gave her $40. she gave me a hug and said "nobody has ever treated me as good as you do" (which btw is not a direct result of me just giving her the $40 fyi imo)

made me feel good.


thanks for the advise guys.

Barron

[/ QUOTE ]

this is just red flags all over for me...and dont take this the wrong way b/c im sure shes nice...im just sayin in the context:

when someone needs something they will state it like that "i need to get gas on the way home" - it seems like a basic thought statement, BUT it is out of nowhere and not something that needs to be stated. It is stated waiting for a response about gas, like from a bf: let me get it u came to see me, ill give u some cash, etc etc. If any guy offers that i TRUELY care for, no matter my financial situation - i say noway...i came to see u b/c of u...i dont care about the cost.

Its just like someone who has noway of getting somewhere saying outloud "god...i have no clue how im gonna get there" (when its not relevant and out of nowhere - knowing people are going to offer the help b/c u sounded passive) people are like where? maybe i can take ya? They dont outright ask for what they want/need, they hint at it so you dont feel bad about doing it, u dont use it against them in the future, or think they have other motives: You: "I paid for ur gas a million times" Them: "I NEVER asked u too!!"

I see this going ugly....
im not saying dont help friends in need out...im saying be weary of them becoming accustomed to it...or assuming b/c u have money u have it to spare and wont miss it, thus they dont feel bad about it at ALL



I have had guys i dont even semi like offering to pay off a few things i needed paid off in a BAD way once, and i was like F no, one even left me a blank check b/c it was stressing my life so much and i never look stressed to people - he had endless amounts of money and was set for life - but i STILL tore up the check and said noway.

The fact that she accepted it without protest any of the times u have stated sits wrong with me, and the fact she brings this up when ur at the mall - obviously for HER.

and treating her "that good" does directly reflect giving her money/buying her things/providing for her...

i hope she doesnt hurt u in any way in the end or u ever regret the time/money spent on her - of course people are gonna make others feel like the world when u are providing for them and what not, few of those will stick around when the going gets tough - for they can only mentally handle thier lives and they stick with people that make thier lives easier and cling to them for the wrong reasons - money, making thier lives not so difficult, comfort, etc

[Exitonly]

yea i thought same thing peachy did... she took that way too easily. My girlfriend absolutely refuses to take money from me, the only times i've been able to is sneaking it into her pocket/bag and then not letting her give it back. But i can't remember the last time i had to give her money anyways.

I'm not saying your girlfriend doesnt care because she doesnt react the same as mine does.. just some thoughts.

[RacersEdge]

Giving a gf money on a regular basis sounds like a bad deal - almost like you are married.

[diebitter]

I think it's okay, as long as she feels she owes you back - in that case, avoid taking payment back, as a favour owed works better for you than a favour repaid.

And exploit this 'debt' to the fullest /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
I think it's okay, as long as she feels she owes you back - in that case, avoid taking payment back, as a favour owed works better for you than a favour repaid.

And exploit this 'debt' to the fullest /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Worst idea ever. Having her feel obligated will only lead to resentment.

[diebitter]

... and to 'angry' sex.

So a result all round!

[koolmoe]

[ QUOTE ]
when someone needs something they will state it like that "i need to get gas on the way home" - it seems like a basic thought statement, BUT it is out of nowhere and not something that needs to be stated. It is stated waiting for a response about gas, like from a bf: let me get it u came to see me, ill give u some cash, etc etc. If any guy offers that i TRUELY care for, no matter my financial situation - i say noway...i came to see u b/c of u...i dont care about the cost.


[/ QUOTE ]

OTOH, if the arrangement is that she ALWAYS makes the trip (i.e., Barron is never going to her place perhaps because she lives with her parents), she may feel justified in asking for a little help, but uncomfortable in doing so. I agree with your assessment of the comment, but motivation is key here, IMO.

If anything raises a red flag for me, it is that they (or just Barron?) are unwilling to discuss the issue. I've been with my wife for nearly 17 years and married to her for over 12 years. The ability and willingness to discuss sex and finances is what has kept us happily together.

Barron, learn to discuss stuff like this now, not later. You will save yourself a lot of grief no matter how the discussions go.

[koolmoe]

[ QUOTE ]
Am I the only one trying to figure out how the size of her gas tank matters?

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe it is because he wants to pay for her gasoline for the week but cannot simply fill up her tank because the tank is too small given the amount of driving that she does.

[Reef]

I kinda give my gf $$ each week- I've "hired" her to clean my room, do my laundry, etc..

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
I kinda give my gf $$ each week- I've "hired" her to clean my room, do my laundry, etc..

[/ QUOTE ]

this just doesn't sound good, no offense dude.

[Reef]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I kinda give my gf $$ each week- I've "hired" her to clean my room, do my laundry, etc..

[/ QUOTE ]

this just doesn't sound good, no offense dude.

[/ QUOTE ]

she does it anyway for free. I just use the "hiring" as an excuse to help her out when she sometimes struggles with finances. The college life can be rough, especially without something like p***r

[Blarg]

It's a confusion of roles that might result in submerged resentment, especially if there is any expectation on your part that it will be done. There's a lot of "lord and master" from a sexual, personal, and financial angle that money introduces or develops further the concept of when you add money into the relationship. Being taken for granted or as a lesser is a thought that could easily slip into her head, even unconsciously.

This is one of those things where it's not the original intent that might matter most, but how things can be taken subconsciously. And the subconscious in women is extremely strong.

If it works for you, cool. But it would be much more surprising if it didn't result in at least a little suppressed anger or bad feeling than if it did. Basically, you're playing with fire.