Girlfriend pissed off about me playing Poker *DELETED*

Post deleted by WrMatt

[astroglide]

that's a difficult, but common situation.

i think i speak for most of us when i say that the best play is to post a bi-curious ad on craigslist and see where things go. just keep an open mind, and be safe. most of us have been where you are and had to make the change ourselves. there is be plenty of support (and companionship!) to be found among the men here.

[Perseus]

[ QUOTE ]
Well...

Poker is really starting to put a strain on things with the girlfriend. We have been great friends since we were younger and about 2 years ago we took things to the next level.

Anyways, due to my success in poker lately, I have been spending a lot more time at the casino and playing online. Ive won a few MTTs, and as of a few months ago have turned into a consistent winner in the cash games. I work full time In a office and like to spend some of my free time playing poker, however my girlfriend is really against this.

Sure she loved it when I won a live MTT tournament and bought her a 600$ dollar coach purse out of the blue, but I dont win every time. I ended up losing 450$ in a session and I told her about it and she lost it. Even though i had won 600 the night before..

She wanted to end our relationship and said I need help, that I have a gambling problem. I dont think I have a gambling problem as I keep records and in the long run im ahead a few thousand and Ive only been playing poker for about 6 months.

I keep a poker bankroll and Im smart about it, I dont use money I cant afford to lose in poker, I always pay my morgtage and bills on time and have a good amount of money to spare for going out and things like that.

The problem isnt that im spending too much time with poker and ignoring her, she just really does not like gambling and cant handle hearing about the swings..anyways it has really started to put our relationship in trouble ..and I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to calm things with her. To help her understand what and why im doing this..

I love poker! ever since I messed up my knee and have been unable to play competetive sports its been like a saving grace for me for entertainment. But I dont want to lose her.

ugh!, anyways sorry if this post was poorly written, as im at work right now and posted this up quickly.

[/ QUOTE ]

Don't ruin your relationships to play poker. When I first started playing my girlfriend was against it initially, so I taught her how to play and when we were bored we played heads up. She was skeptical at first but eventually realized it is a game of skill and then didn't mind me playing so much as long as I never complained about winning.

Also, don't brag about your wins by buying her things. If 450 is a lot for you to lose then you probably shouldn't be buying her 600 dollar things, although it is a nice gesture. You will find that most people don't understand variance, and once you start telling people you won 600 bucks they will expect you to win 600 bucks on a regular basis and won't understand how you can lose 450. Also, if you tell people you are winning you will be pressured to win and you might end up playing outside your bankroll.

If you really want to show her you're a consistent winner I suggest learning to play ring games, keep your data recorded in pokertracker, and then next month show her "look i've won x amount of dollars over x amount of hands".

If you only take one thing out of this then remember your priorities should be:

1. Family
2. Girlfriend/Friends
3. Job
4. Hobbies (poker/sports)

If you lose this relationship because of poker you will regret it. Try to show her why you like to play, why you can make money in the long run, and how she will always come first. The tables will always be there when you have extra time.

gl,

Jon

[Perseus]

[ QUOTE ]
that's a difficult, but common situation.

i think i speak for most of us when i say that the best play is to post a bi-curious ad on craigslist and see where things go. just keep an open mind, and be safe. most of us have been where you are and had to make the change ourselves. there is be plenty of support (and companionship!) to be found among the men here.

[/ QUOTE ]

This works too.

[sthief09]

less text, more pics

[sfer]

[ QUOTE ]
We have been great friends since we were younger and about 2 years ago we took things to the next level.

[/ QUOTE ]

I am totally underusing that phrase.

Today, before my shower, I sat down on the can and took it to the next level.

I taught my girlfriend how to play also, it is actually pretty fun to play with her, although we can read each other so well.

[James282]

[ QUOTE ]
I taught my girlfriend how to play also, it is actually pretty fun to play with her, although we can read each other so well.

[/ QUOTE ]

Isn't that the cutest. I bet you complete eachother's sentences and call eachother schmoopy also.
-James

[EStreet20]

Dump her, regardless of the situation.

Good luck,
Matt

[Duffman]

It's so much cooler replying to a post that's deleted..

Next time she complains tell her it's better that you go out and play cards, rather than sleep with hookers. And try to make it into a threat.

[jzpiano14]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
We have been great friends since we were younger and about 2 years ago we took things to the next level.

[/ QUOTE ]

I am totally underusing that phrase.

Today, before my shower, I sat down on the can and took it to the next level.

[/ QUOTE ]

POTD

[Catt]

[ QUOTE ]
that's a difficult, but common situation.

i think i speak for most of us when i say that the best play is to post a bi-curious ad on craigslist and see where things go.

[/ QUOTE ]

lol

[sthief09]

this thread must not die

[ChicagoTroy]

Steal her bicycle.

[fyodor]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
We have been great friends since we were younger and about 2 years ago we took things to the next level.

[/ QUOTE ]

I am totally underusing that phrase.

Today, before my shower, I sat down on the can and took it to the next level.

[/ QUOTE ]

What? Are you nuts? It is so much more enjoyable taking it to the next level in the shower with soap.

Kids today! Just no patience.

edited to add: as a matter of fact I think sfer's post qualifies as a bad beat post and therefore should be ridiculed.

[jzpiano14]

This thread rules

[sfer]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
We have been great friends since we were younger and about 2 years ago we took things to the next level.

[/ QUOTE ]

I am totally underusing that phrase.

Today, before my shower, I sat down on the can and took it to the next level.

[/ QUOTE ]

What? Are you nuts? It is so much more enjoyable taking it to the next level in the shower with soap.

Kids today! Just no patience.

edited to add: as a matter of fact I think sfer's post qualifies as a bad beat post and therefore should be ridiculed.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think we're talking a couple levels past each other here.

[Amid Cent]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I taught my girlfriend how to play also, it is actually pretty fun to play with her, although we can read each other so well.

[/ QUOTE ]

Isn't that the cutest. I bet you complete eachother's sentences and call eachother schmoopy also.
-James

[/ QUOTE ]

Very cute. In fact, I'm considering taking his girlfriend to the next level.

[jba]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I taught my girlfriend how to play also, it is actually pretty fun to play with her, although we can read each other so well.

[/ QUOTE ]

Isn't that the cutest. I bet you complete eachother's sentences and call eachother schmoopy also.
-James

[/ QUOTE ]

Very cute. In fact, I'm considering taking his girlfriend to the next level.

[/ QUOTE ]

Enjoy!

[MicroBob]

I would rather spend time with my GF than with a bunch of young WPT-wannabe's or cranky old guys at a casino.

[TimM]

[ QUOTE ]
I would rather spend time with my GF than with a bunch of young WPT-wannabe's or cranky old guys at a casino.

[/ QUOTE ]

What would you do if she told you that you had to quit poker and get a job?

[surfdoc]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
We have been great friends since we were younger and about 2 years ago we took things to the next level.

[/ QUOTE ]

I am totally underusing that phrase.

Today, before my shower, I sat down on the can and took it to the next level.

[/ QUOTE ]

You officially have my vote as the funiest poster of all time. My family thinks i am strange for laughing at the computer.

[MicroBob]

Well...that's a different situation than the OP who said he has a regular job and likes to spend A LOT of his spare-time online and at the casino.
I don't think it's jumping to an extreme conclusion that he is not spending much time with his girl.



Your question for my situation specifically isn't quite relevant because it isn't likely to happen.
She doesn't understand the poker thing at all but trusts my judgement to not sit there and blow away all my money if poker turns for the worst somehow or if I totally suck.

I have stated on here AND to her that I don't know if I'll play poker for the next year or 5 years or 10 years or what.
I am NOT committed to playing this for the rest of my life....but it's also possible that I could for all I know.


I have told her that I would have no qualms about going back to a regular 'job' if the situation were to present itself. This would include EITHER online-poker no longer being worthwhile/profitable for me OR a job-offer coming along that I was interested in taking (and that I thought paid decently).

She has her concerns of course...but I am very impressed with her ability to not be judgemental about it (obviously many people ARE pretty judgemental).


If she WERE to tell me that she would be more comfortable if I got a regular job than I would strongly consider it.
A year or two ago I don't know if I would have reacted that way....but I would certainly have listened to her.

I have asked her if she would want me to get a real job and she has said that it's my life and she wants me to be happy with what I'm doing.

She's also keeping her fingers crossed that that means that I don't go broke and leave her as the main-income for our future family.



Okay - I'm still dodging it a bit.
If she were to actually DEMAND that I get a regular job that would pay $35k or less a year (which is pretty much what it would be if i got back into radio or dealing blackjack) and I felt that it was truly in my best interest to continue on my poker-path than I would insist that this IS what I want to do and what I think is best.


If she were to say "I'm walking out the door unless you stop playing poker completely" then I think we might actually be over (assuming I was still a winning player and had valid reason to think that I should continue playing poker).

This is NOT because I value poker more than her (because I don't) but because it would be such a dramatic change from her previous attitude that I would then be pretty convinced that I was no longer with the same person really.


I don't believe that either person in a relationship should make DEMANDS on the other person on how to change.
It's something they should discuss and be willing to work on both together AND on their own.
We're there to make each other stronger...not to boss each other around and give each other demands and ultimatums.


This might be somewhat hypocritical because I know that if she OR i became a total drunk or cocaine-addict or something that either one of would DEMAND that the other one better do EVERYTHING to lose that habit or else it's over.
But I know full well that she understands that poker is NOT the same as drinking or cocaine use (at least in my case).


I know that if my mom can handle the fact that I play poker for a living that it can't be THAT freaking bad.
And I know that my GF understands that I'm very careful with my bankroll.


Those are some of my rambling thoughts on this topic.
I don't think I would want to date someone who was so closed-minded (which obviously includes a LOT of people) but I admit that there are probably about a zillion exceptions out there.

Tough question.

[TimM]

[ QUOTE ]
Tough question.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes it is. I know from your prior posts that it doesn't apply to your RL situation, I meant it only as a hypothetical.

For myself, I'd have to wonder how much she really loved me if she wanted to force me to do something I didn't want to do, and was willing to walk out over it.

[MicroBob]

exactly.


Before I got into poker (I had barely started playing online) I was VERY briefly seeing a girl who's Dad was a gambling addict....lost their house on some football game when she was a girl or something like that.
She is VERY anti-gambling because of some really crappy child-hood memories and it's understandable.


She knew that I was playing poker (she calls and asks 'hey...what'ya doing?' and I say I'm playing an online-poker tournament or something...and then I get the story).

Because she was so uncomfortable with gambling, and imo had good reason to be, I would have been willing to say "hey....if we actually go long-term I'm perfectly willing to cut-out poker and blackjack even though I'm at a mathematical advantage."

[adman2006]

When my girlfriend wont let me play poker, I slap her sorry ass and tell her to get in the laundry and wash my clothes. Chicks! can't live with em pass, the beer nuts! (And please don't show her this post) hehe

[Klepton]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
We have been great friends since we were younger and about 2 years ago we took things to the next level.

[/ QUOTE ]

I am totally underusing that phrase.

Today, before my shower, I sat down on the can and took it to the next level.

[/ QUOTE ]

You officially have my vote as the funiest poster of all time. My family thinks i am strange for laughing at the computer.

[/ QUOTE ]

i laughed out loud while my roomate and girlfriend were making out on the bed across the room. i explained top them why i laughed and they said nothing and went back to making out.

i reminded them i am capable of murder.

[Klepton]

[ QUOTE ]
Steal her bicycle.

[/ QUOTE ]

/images/graemlins/confused.gif

[Bosox]

Get her involved: Pokerhead.

[stigmata]

I used to have similar problems. Two things:

1) Learn about variance/SD/winrate, etc. Then drill it into your girlfriend (the stats, that is /images/graemlins/wink.gif). Make her understand you can't win everytime, but you are an overall winner.

2) Spend some quality time with her and treat her with some of your poker winnings.

The solution really is that simple.

[Aces McGee]

[ QUOTE ]
laughed out loud while my roomate and girlfriend were making out on the bed across the room

[/ QUOTE ]

Pretty cool of you... /images/graemlins/grin.gif

-McGee

[citizenkn]

[ QUOTE ]
I used to have similar problems. Two things:

1) Learn about variance/SD/winrate, etc. Then drill it into your girlfriend (the stats, that is /images/graemlins/wink.gif). Make her understand you can't win everytime, but you are an overall winner.

2) Spend some quality time with her and treat her with some of your poker winnings.

The solution really is that simple.

[/ QUOTE ]

An even simpler solution---never talk about daily swings. Ever. Talk about lifetime winnings and monthly winnings, and that's it. People who don't like poker or gambling don't want or need to be educated about variance and winrates.

My girlfriend used to freak everytime I talked about a bad night, but since I just shut up about the bad swings, and let her see only the long term results, she's much happier

[charlie_t_jr]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't believe that either person in a relationship should make DEMANDS on the other person on how to change....We're there to make each other stronger...not to boss each other around and give each other demands and ultimatums.

[/ QUOTE ]

I like that a lot...now if I could find a woman who thought like Bob....

[Catt]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I don't believe that either person in a relationship should make DEMANDS on the other person on how to change....We're there to make each other stronger...not to boss each other around and give each other demands and ultimatums.

[/ QUOTE ]

I like that a lot...now if I could find a woman who thought like Bob....

[/ QUOTE ]

Did you not read astroglide's advice in the second post of this thread? It addresses your situation, too:

[ QUOTE ]
that's a difficult, but common situation.

i think i speak for most of us when i say that the best play is to post a bi-curious ad on craigslist and see where things go. just keep an open mind, and be safe. most of us have been where you are and had to make the change ourselves. there is be plenty of support (and companionship!) to be found among the men here.

[/ QUOTE ]

[JohnnyHumongous]

Is her ex-husband still trying to kill you?

[charlie_t_jr]

My ass is sore enough from sitting in front of the computer.

[SmackinYaUp]

This is meant for the OP and is completely serious:

1. family
2. girlfriend
3. hobbies

or

1.family
2.hobbies
999. psychotic, nazibitch, unwilling-to-bend-for-[censored] girlfriend

[MicroBob]

we are thankfully past that little episode.

[jzpiano14]

[ QUOTE ]
Well...that's a different situation than the OP who said he has a regular job and likes to spend A LOT of his spare-time online and at the casino.
I don't think it's jumping to an extreme conclusion that he is not spending much time with his girl.



Your question for my situation specifically isn't quite relevant because it isn't likely to happen.
She doesn't understand the poker thing at all but trusts my judgement to not sit there and blow away all my money if poker turns for the worst somehow or if I totally suck.

I have stated on here AND to her that I don't know if I'll play poker for the next year or 5 years or 10 years or what.
I am NOT committed to playing this for the rest of my life....but it's also possible that I could for all I know.


I have told her that I would have no qualms about going back to a regular 'job' if the situation were to present itself. This would include EITHER online-poker no longer being worthwhile/profitable for me OR a job-offer coming along that I was interested in taking (and that I thought paid decently).

She has her concerns of course...but I am very impressed with her ability to not be judgemental about it (obviously many people ARE pretty judgemental).


If she WERE to tell me that she would be more comfortable if I got a regular job than I would strongly consider it.
A year or two ago I don't know if I would have reacted that way....but I would certainly have listened to her.

I have asked her if she would want me to get a real job and she has said that it's my life and she wants me to be happy with what I'm doing.

She's also keeping her fingers crossed that that means that I don't go broke and leave her as the main-income for our future family.



Okay - I'm still dodging it a bit.
If she were to actually DEMAND that I get a regular job that would pay $35k or less a year (which is pretty much what it would be if i got back into radio or dealing blackjack) and I felt that it was truly in my best interest to continue on my poker-path than I would insist that this IS what I want to do and what I think is best.


If she were to say "I'm walking out the door unless you stop playing poker completely" then I think we might actually be over (assuming I was still a winning player and had valid reason to think that I should continue playing poker).

This is NOT because I value poker more than her (because I don't) but because it would be such a dramatic change from her previous attitude that I would then be pretty convinced that I was no longer with the same person really.


I don't believe that either person in a relationship should make DEMANDS on the other person on how to change.
It's something they should discuss and be willing to work on both together AND on their own.
We're there to make each other stronger...not to boss each other around and give each other demands and ultimatums.


This might be somewhat hypocritical because I know that if she OR i became a total drunk or cocaine-addict or something that either one of would DEMAND that the other one better do EVERYTHING to lose that habit or else it's over.
But I know full well that she understands that poker is NOT the same as drinking or cocaine use (at least in my case).


I know that if my mom can handle the fact that I play poker for a living that it can't be THAT freaking bad.
And I know that my GF understands that I'm very careful with my bankroll.


Those are some of my rambling thoughts on this topic.
I don't think I would want to date someone who was so closed-minded (which obviously includes a LOT of people) but I admit that there are probably about a zillion exceptions out there.

Tough question.

[/ QUOTE ]

damn bob, lot of time on ur hands?

[jzpiano14]

[ QUOTE ]
Get her involved: Pokerhead.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wouldn't that be the day....we could all wish

[MicroBob]

yes.

[bigt439]

[ QUOTE ]
I taught my girlfriend how to play also, it is actually pretty fun to play with her, although we can read each other so well.

[/ QUOTE ]

If any of you guys know Apathy, who predominantly posts in STT, do a search for something similar to this.

I think he posted the story, but in any case he taught his girlfriend how to play poker so that they could play strip poker and have some cutesy romantic night together. He set the game up so they each had something like 50 bb's and got all-in with her on one of the first few hands with the nut straight. She flipped out on him for cutting their big night short, he snapped on her saying he wasn't going to fold the nuts and they broke up right then and there. They had been going out for a while too. Good times.

[ghostface]

[ QUOTE ]
For myself, I'd have to wonder how much she really loved me if she wanted to force me to do something I didn't want to do, and was willing to walk out over it.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is good right here. I'd scream at her for not accepting me. And then kick her out the door.

[ghostface]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I taught my girlfriend how to play also, it is actually pretty fun to play with her, although we can read each other so well.

[/ QUOTE ]

If any of you guys know Apathy, who predominantly posts in STT, do a search for something similar to this.

I think he posted the story, but in any case he taught his girlfriend how to play poker so that they could play strip poker and have some cutesy romantic night together. He set the game up so they each had something like 50 bb's and got all-in with her on one of the first few hands with the nut straight. She flipped out on him for cutting their big night short, he snapped on her saying he wasn't going to fold the nuts and they broke up right then and there. They had been going out for a while too. Good times.

[/ QUOTE ]

Somebody find this!!!!
too lazy to do it myself.

[TimM]

WTF plays no-limit strip poker???

[bigt439]

[ QUOTE ]
WTF plays no-limit strip poker???

[/ QUOTE ]

He wanted to bust as quickly as possible.

[DeeJ]

LOL

I understood the reference and was just about to tell the poster who was confused all about the reason when I saw who the poster who was confused was /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[tonypaladino]

Sounds like you're woman think's she can tell you what to do. Tell her the 70's are over and to stop with the women's lib crap.

http://img5.imageshack.us/img5/2241/ironmyshirtbitch3ng.jpg

[Bosox]

[ QUOTE ]
Sounds like you're woman think's she can tell you what to do. Tell her the 70's are over and to stop with the women's lib crap.

http://img5.imageshack.us/img5/2241/ironmyshirtbitch3ng.jpg

[/ QUOTE ]

That's awesome.

Could "Iron my Shirt B***h" become the new "Sup Bro'" or "Does the brown trout sleep in the closet"?

[ghostface]

[ QUOTE ]
Could "Iron my Shirt B***h" become the new "Sup Bro'" or "Does the brown trout sleep in the closet"?

[/ QUOTE ]

I think it would be a good alternate play.