Bragging

[dtbog]

You are in a room with five friends. The six of you are having a discussion about personal income and taxes, but no one is directly asking each other for figures.

Somehow during the discussion, each of your friends mentions the dollar amount of his own annual income.... again, without being asked. Your income is four times the largest of your friends'.

Is it 'bragging' to mention your income? ... or are you just stating relevant facts in a harmless manner?

I am using the word 'bragging' here to have a negative connotation. It does.

[[censored]]

My exact answer is brag away. just make sure there isn't a check coming

[Eurotrash]

I would personally be too sheepish to mention it in this situation, unless prompted by somebody else

[dtbog]

[ QUOTE ]
sheepish

[/ QUOTE ]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/1480000/images/_1480925_sheep300.jpg

why sheepish?

[yellowjack]

The natural reaction is for others to be jealous and claim you're bragging, but you're not, especially in the way you described it.

[dtbog]

[ QUOTE ]
My exact answer is brag away. just make sure there isn't a check coming

[/ QUOTE ]

I have actually seen this sort of thing happen.

It was hilarious.

[chisness]

i wouldn't say a word

[dtbog]

[ QUOTE ]
The natural reaction is for others to be jealous and claim you're bragging, but you're not, especially in the way you described it.

[/ QUOTE ]

The car thread made me think about this.

If he posted "I bought my wife an 1988 Ford Taurus", would anyone have accused him of bragging? Absolutely not.

(that's the car I just replaced six months ago /images/graemlins/smile.gif)

[tdarko]

yes, it is bragging. now the question is do you have a problem bragging?

[dtbog]

[ QUOTE ]
i wouldn't say a word

[/ QUOTE ]

if one of your friends' incomes was 4x yours, would you be upset that he'd mentioned it?

[tdarko]

[ QUOTE ]
if one of your friends' incomes was 4x yours, would you be upset that he'd mentioned it?

[/ QUOTE ]
no, my penis is bigger /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[2+2 wannabe]

never tell people how much you make

they'll know who to come to when they "need" something

[IndieMatty]

Me and my close friends talk openly about money. We're close friends, who the F cares?

[dtbog]

[ QUOTE ]
Me and my close friends talk openly about money. We're close friends, who the F cares?

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the answer I like. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

It's not realistic in all situations... but those situations in which this is true make me happy.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
Me and my close friends talk openly about money. We're close friends, who the F cares?

[/ QUOTE ]to be honest, if you are close friends with someone, you probably already know how much they make, unless they are a co-worker.

[shant]

[ QUOTE ]
Me and my close friends talk openly about money. We're close friends, who the F cares?

[/ QUOTE ]

[Shilly]

I don't really think it's bragging, per se, but I probably wouldn't bring it up if I wasn't asked.

[imported_anacardo]

Brag's a good dog, but Holdfast's better.

[Brainwalter]

[ QUOTE ]
never tell people how much you make

they'll know who to come to when they "need" something

[/ QUOTE ]

If they're my friends then I want them to know who to come to when they need something.

[tdarko]

[ QUOTE ]
If they're my friends then I want them to know who to come to when they need something.

[/ QUOTE ]
this is why they think i am a garbage man /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[dtbog]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
If they're my friends then I want them to know who to come to when they need something.

[/ QUOTE ]
this is why they think i am a garbage man /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

... because you know where to hide the bodies?

[catamite]

Don't drop any figures. Nobody other than yourself (and your boss) should ever know how much you make. No good will come of this.

You should drop the figures so you can get some pussy

[peachy]

i think its class-less to state ur income without being asked even in this situation....it can do nothing but cause negatives here to me: make them jealous/hateful/spiteful, make u look like an ass....make them feel bad about thier incomes/lives/living style....there is NO reason to just state what u make...none. Even if asked i dont say if in this situation or i laugh it off and say something else. If its a one on one situation and somoene is askin me directly im more inclined to tell if its someone not very close to me or my best friend - i feel more uncomfortable telling my "frequent aquaintences" up and through "good friends"

Besides...when i find out through others that a certain person has money, owns alot, etc or even if i find out from them after i have known them for some time I am more impressed and respectful of them as a person and cant be negative towards them b/c they havent flaunted it or tried to make others feel bad and are (usually) a guinuine person...aside from those who dont tell JUST for this reason (to be looked at in a good light)

bottom line...it looks tacky to me...

[Klepton]

if they ask, say it's not important.

if they ask again, say it's really not that important.

when they ask a third time, say "are you sure? ok i make XXX"

then punch one of them in the face.

[peachy]

[ QUOTE ]
if they ask, say it's not important.

if they ask again, say it's really not that important.

when they ask a third time, say "are you sure? ok i make XXX"

then punch one of them in the face.

[/ QUOTE ]

doing this just makes them wanna know more...its a touchy situation i guess

[Voltron87]

[ QUOTE ]
i think its class-less to state ur income without being asked even in this situation....it can do nothing but cause negatives here to me: make them jealous/hateful/spiteful, make u look like an ass....make them feel bad about thier incomes/lives/living style....there is NO reason to just state what u make...none. Even if asked i dont say if in this situation or i laugh it off and say something else. If its a one on one situation and somoene is askin me directly im more inclined to tell if its someone not very close to me or my best friend - i feel more uncomfortable telling my "frequent aquaintences" up and through "good friends"

Besides...when i find out through others that a certain person has money, owns alot, etc or even if i find out from them after i have known them for some time I am more impressed and respectful of them as a person and cant be negative towards them b/c they havent flaunted it or tried to make others feel bad and are (usually) a guinuine person...aside from those who dont tell JUST for this reason (to be looked at in a good light)

bottom line...it looks tacky to me...

[/ QUOTE ]

peachy is right imo

with my newfound gambling income its increasingly weird with my friends, none of them make anywhere close to what i do, and i can go out and lose what they make in a week in one hand and just pull out more and get the chip runner to go get me more. often my friends ask me how much i make and i dont want to sound like a bragging dick because im not like that at all, just when your best friend says "yeah working over the summer at an ice cream place i made 1K a month" its hard not to sound like the [censored] when you made 2K last night.

people know i play poker and are curious, and then it still can come off as bragging when i end up telling them after they've explicitly asked, i dunno.

edit- censored means a$$hole, not something else. it just looks weird when it shows up as [censored]

[goofball]

If someone asks you then say without shame or guilt. Otherwise I wouldn't feel the need to say.

[TheGame1020]

[ QUOTE ]
never tell people how much you make

they'll know who to come to when they "need" something

[/ QUOTE ]

SMART MAN

[DavidC]

This is a good post.

I've done this recently... and the weird thing is:

1) I don't spend much money
2) I don't particularly care about money, because
3) My expenses are RIDICULOUSLY low right now.

So... it sucks... I'm kinda happy that I'm making forward progress financially, and my financial goals are pretty long term, and I'm driven to achieve them, but I'm not sure that talking about it is a good thing.

Basically, if bragging hurts your friends' feelings (makes them feel self-conscious/whatever) then it's not a good thing... and it sucks if you're a little excited and want to talk about it.

I do it, but I'm starting to feel that I shouldn't, and therefore I am going to try to stop, if only to save myself from that nagging feeling.

--Dave.

Again, thanks for the post.

[peachy]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i think its class-less to state ur income without being asked even in this situation....it can do nothing but cause negatives here to me: make them jealous/hateful/spiteful, make u look like an ass....make them feel bad about thier incomes/lives/living style....there is NO reason to just state what u make...none. Even if asked i dont say if in this situation or i laugh it off and say something else. If its a one on one situation and somoene is askin me directly im more inclined to tell if its someone not very close to me or my best friend - i feel more uncomfortable telling my "frequent aquaintences" up and through "good friends"

Besides...when i find out through others that a certain person has money, owns alot, etc or even if i find out from them after i have known them for some time I am more impressed and respectful of them as a person and cant be negative towards them b/c they havent flaunted it or tried to make others feel bad and are (usually) a guinuine person...aside from those who dont tell JUST for this reason (to be looked at in a good light)

bottom line...it looks tacky to me...

[/ QUOTE ]

peachy is right imo

with my newfound gambling income its increasingly weird with my friends, none of them make anywhere close to what i do, and i can go out and lose what they make in a week in one hand and just pull out more and get the chip runner to go get me more. often my friends ask me how much i make and i dont want to sound like a bragging dick because im not like that at all, just when your best friend says "yeah working over the summer at an ice cream place i made 1K a month" its hard not to sound like the [censored] when you made 2K last night.

people know i play poker and are curious, and then it still can come off as bragging when i end up telling them after they've explicitly asked, i dunno.

edit- censored means a$$hole, not something else. it just looks weird when it shows up as [censored]

[/ QUOTE ]

i also feel embarrassed when i tell people...like ive belittled something for them...people get curious about me playin poker especially being that im a girl...i just tell them it takes alot more work than ud think and sometimes it pays off for people and that ive lost a good bit too...so i say i dont really know where i stand...and most leave it alone....

plus...if i let people borrow money...which i DONT mind doing...some would feel less inclined to pay me back b/c they "think" i have more than enough anyway. And its not always that i want the money back...its just if they ever snubbed it like that b/c they KNEW what i made/had it would ruin a friendship b/c of how my "income" made them feel - not necessarily b/c they are a bad person, its human nature. When people have the money and offer to pay me and i know thier finances are a bit shakey i tell them not to worry about it or that to keep it for now and we would worry about it later (and just never bring it up again), b/c the knowledge that they WANT or WOULD pay me back is enough - if im financially ok - everything will come back around somehow...

[DavidC]

[ QUOTE ]
peachy is right imo

with my newfound gambling income its increasingly weird with my friends, none of them make anywhere close to what i do, and i can go out and lose what they make in a week in one hand and just pull out more and get the chip runner to go get me more. often my friends ask me how much i make and i dont want to sound like a bragging dick because im not like that at all, just when your best friend says "yeah working over the summer at an ice cream place i made 1K a month" its hard not to sound like the [censored] when you made 2K last night.


[/ QUOTE ]

Hmm... firstly, if you were to tell them, you'd tell them your hourly, right?

--Dave.

[DavidC]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
sheepish

[/ QUOTE ]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/1480000/images/_1480925_sheep300.jpg

why sheepish?

[/ QUOTE ]

I bet you were just itching to bust out that pic at the right moment. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Voltron87]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
peachy is right imo

with my newfound gambling income its increasingly weird with my friends, none of them make anywhere close to what i do, and i can go out and lose what they make in a week in one hand and just pull out more and get the chip runner to go get me more. often my friends ask me how much i make and i dont want to sound like a bragging dick because im not like that at all, just when your best friend says "yeah working over the summer at an ice cream place i made 1K a month" its hard not to sound like the [censored] when you made 2K last night.


[/ QUOTE ]

Hmm... firstly, if you were to tell them, you'd tell them your hourly, right?

--Dave.

[/ QUOTE ]

no... i go ptbb/100 first.

[dtbog]

[ QUOTE ]
doing this just makes them wanna know more

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL, so then once you're asked there's really no way out, right? =P

If you don't want to tell anyone your income, you shouldn't. It's a pretty personal thing.

[Ulysses]

I talk about this stuff openly w/ peers/friends who have/make similar amounts of money as me. There are a number of common situations you find yourself in (say, tax or investment stuff) where understanding specific financial information is sometimes germane to the discussion.

I would never even imagine discussing this sort of stuff with people who make far less than me. I know lots of people who work in jobs where they make crap (teachers, architects, artists, social workers, etc.). I can't imagine anything positive coming from them knowing exactly how much more than them I make.

[peachy]

[ QUOTE ]
I talk about this stuff openly w/ peers/friends who have/make similar amounts of money as me. There are a number of common situations you find yourself in (say, tax or investment stuff) where understanding specific financial information is sometimes germane to the discussion.

I would never even imagine discussing this sort of stuff with people who make far less than me. I know lots of people who work in jobs where they make crap (teachers, architects, artists, social workers, etc.). I can't imagine anything positive coming from them knowing exactly how much more than them I make.

[/ QUOTE ]

i agree with this...with people who are around ur "lvl" its one thing b/c the negatives greatly decrease...but still i wont talk about it unless asked...but to these people i will discuss it. I admire people who work as teachers and firefighters, etc most do it b/c they love it, and i love my job - its unfortunate that we all get paid such a vastly different amount...i dont want to lessen thier love for thier job ever.

[TheCroShow]

don't see a problem here, as long as you don't wave [censored] in their faces. my friend does this and it drives me nuts, he probably makes 4x what i make and goes on and on about new purchases and ends it with "you should get one too man." yeah...right! he even goes as far as insulting my tv or monitor for my computer, THAT is too far. not all of us can drop cash on a 24" LCD for our computer or a 2193812908" plasma. /end rant, sorry sorry!

[Ulysses]

[ QUOTE ]
don't see a problem here, as long as you don't wave [censored] in their faces. my friend does this and it drives me nuts, he probably makes 4x what i make and goes on and on about new purchases and ends it with "you should get one too man." yeah...right! he even goes as far as insulting my tv or monitor for my computer, THAT is too far. not all of us can drop cash on a 24" LCD for our computer or a 2193812908" plasma. /end rant, sorry sorry!

[/ QUOTE ]

That's exactly it, man. Some people seem to think it is appropriate, when in a group setting w/ some people who you know are barely scraping by, to discuss which $60k car to buy or which island to vacation on. I think that's ridiculous and rude, and I'm far from the most sensitive guy around.

[CardSharpCook]

There are so many things that I regret, it really is rediculous. And really it is quite amazing that after 25 years and 100s of 1000s of mistakes, I still find new ones to make. I have been guilty of this, though I wish I could take it back, God doesn't let you do that. I have been humbled yet again. I will go reflect on what a miserable human being I am.

[SCfuji]

hey diablo

how does one explain to a friend that he doesnt want to eat out every meal because it gets expensive? i prefer buying sandwich stuff, bags of salads, fruit, pasta, and soup from cans from a local health store because its cheaper but my best friend always wants to eat out. hanging out is cool but not when it costs me $600-700/month.

[ QUOTE ]
I admire people who work as teachers and firefighters, etc most do it b/c they love it, and i love my job - its unfortunate that we all get paid such a vastly different amount...i dont want to lessen thier love for thier job ever.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is about the funniest (i.e., arrogant) [censored] I've read in a long time. Do you really think they don't know they earn less than most other jobs? Do you really think you will "lessen their love for their job" that they knew going into from the start would pay dick?

The problem here isn't so much how you think they will feel, but how you think they think they will feel.

[TheCroShow]

[ QUOTE ]
hey diablo

how does one explain to a friend that he doesnt want to eat out every meal because it gets expensive? i prefer buying sandwich stuff, bags of salads, fruit, pasta, and soup from cans from a local health store because its cheaper but my best friend always wants to eat out. hanging out is cool but not when it costs me $600-700/month.

[/ QUOTE ]

suggest a meal at home and maybe watch a hockey game on tv. eating out is fun, but it adds up. tough call though, hard to suggest anything else here in OOT, you run the risk of the homophobiacs! (is that a word?? haha)

back on topic! continuing from my earlier post, it did not bug me at all or make me feel jealous when my buddy told me what he makes at his job. i said "grats man, that's awesome." then he went on and on about the stuff he owns, and of course ended it with "you should get one too man!" at first i didn't mind, but yah...it gets old after a while

[SCfuji]

[ QUOTE ]
you should get one too man!"

[/ QUOTE ]

id respond by saying "you should buy it for me". that should prevent any future incidents.

[peachy]

[ QUOTE ]
hey diablo

how does one explain to a friend that he doesnt want to eat out every meal because it gets expensive? i prefer buying sandwich stuff, bags of salads, fruit, pasta, and soup from cans from a local health store because its cheaper but my best friend always wants to eat out. hanging out is cool but not when it costs me $600-700/month.

[/ QUOTE ]

just say u cant afford it?? there is no shame in that...even people who make a ton cant afford it. To me, unless u are on the go none stop, its not smart to spend $ on going out to eat ALL the time (its not a question of how much money u have its then just blowing money for NO reason), quite frankly sometimes i crave food that i cook for myself - i guess u could use this as an excuse - u like cooking, ur body is craving it, and it cost less - 3 positives its hard for someone to argue with

[Ulysses]

[ QUOTE ]
hey diablo

how does one explain to a friend that he doesnt want to eat out every meal because it gets expensive? i prefer buying sandwich stuff, bags of salads, fruit, pasta, and soup from cans from a local health store because its cheaper but my best friend always wants to eat out. hanging out is cool but not when it costs me $600-700/month.

[/ QUOTE ]

If he's really a good friend, just tell him that. This is a very standard situation when you have a diverse group of friends.

In this same category of stuff is another annoying thing, people who put together events like birthday dinners at places where a decent portion of people who would want to go obviously can't afford the place.

A lot of times, it's not even a question of what you can afford. For example, I have some good friends who like to go to a lot of clubs in NYC. By "go to club" I mean pay $20+ to get in someplace, have one $10+ drink, decide the place sucks, and repeat a few times. IMO, this is a stupid way to blow $150+ bucks in no time flat without having any fun, and I have no problem saying so and not joining in, regardless of whether or not I can afford it.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Me and my close friends talk openly about money. We're close friends, who the F cares?

[/ QUOTE ]to be honest, if you are close friends with someone, you probably already know how much they make, unless they are a co-worker.

[/ QUOTE ]

I tend to agree with this. I've usually been pretty aware of the money that close friends make. If I were in a room with three guys who I considered close friends and none of us knew what the others made, I'd probably consider us not that close.

In which case it goes down to either talking about money to people you're not that close to, or bragging about it, neither of which seems like all that great an idea.

I'd probably just as soon lie if I figured I could get away with it.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
don't see a problem here, as long as you don't wave [censored] in their faces. my friend does this and it drives me nuts, he probably makes 4x what i make and goes on and on about new purchases and ends it with "you should get one too man." yeah...right! he even goes as far as insulting my tv or monitor for my computer, THAT is too far. not all of us can drop cash on a 24" LCD for our computer or a 2193812908" plasma. /end rant, sorry sorry!

[/ QUOTE ]

That's exactly it, man. Some people seem to think it is appropriate, when in a group setting w/ some people who you know are barely scraping by, to discuss which $60k car to buy or which island to vacation on. I think that's ridiculous and rude, and I'm far from the most sensitive guy around.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree. I see this thing a TON. That bit about, "You should buy one!" from people who know absolutely 100% that there's no way in hell you could do so, is something I've seen lots of people do to other people, and quite a few do to me, too. People who can't wait for an opportunity not just to brag about how much they make, but to try to somehow grind it into others. I wish I saw more people exercising a little more discretion and a little less flat out gloating. Being happy is cool, but gloating over how much better you're doing than your friends is not very friendly at all.

I've known some staggeringly wealthy people who just act normal every day no matter what they're doing. It's always the wanna be's who aren't really happy with themselves no matter where they're at who have to try to beat everyone around the face and neck with their financial wieners. They show their own lack of desperate lack of pride and try to take what pride they can away from others too; a lose/lose situation.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
In this same category of stuff is another annoying thing, people who put together events like birthday dinners at places where a decent portion of people who would want to go obviously can't afford the place.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah this is another lame one. I think it's often part of what I would call "competitive friendship politics." There are plenty of people who really don't think of friends as non-competitive, but want to rise higher on some sort of scale and keep others out. I'm positive those types do this on purpose.

I have seen some people do it without thinking, but I think usually they just don't give a damn or actively want to somehow create winners and losers in what should be a friendship type of situation.

[chisness]

[ QUOTE ]


if one of your friends' incomes was 4x yours, would you be upset that he'd mentioned it?

[/ QUOTE ]

i'm 19 and have a friend whose income (all my friends' incomes essentially come from poker) is far more than 4x mine. despite this gap, i'm content with my own, knowing that it's insanely higher than the typical income of my age. even being close friends, we don't normally share exact numbers, but definitely have an idea. if i started talking to someone who mentioned that he won $500 playing online last summer, i'd feel like a douche saying "oh well i won $5000 and my friend won $50000" (not real figures). this won't come up with close friends, but in this type of situation with others, i think it looks very good if they somehow later find out how much you were making without you mentioning it and very bad if you start sharing and essentially bragging about your money.

[HopeydaFish]

If a friend comes right out and asks me, I'll tell him/her. Otherwise I keep my mouth shut. I don't make a huge amount of money, but I make more than 90% of my friends. It gives me a certain amount of pride that I was able to work hard and succeed in my field, but no so much that I want to throw it in my friends' faces.

If you've already heard them say the number, and yours is so much higher like you say, then I wouldn't mention it.

If they ask directly, then just say "it's a little more than John's" or whatever his name is.

If they pry, then just lie and throw out some number they'd at least believe without getting too jealous.

EDIT: And the reason you don't tell them is not because you don't want to hurt their feelings...it's because you don't WANT them to know this information. People will change around you, for better or worse, when they know you are bankin. You don't want to take that risk.

[jakethebake]

I don't tell anyone my income ever.

[B Dids]

If it's revelvant to the conversation I mention it, and given that you're talking about taxes, it might.

If you think your friends will react badly, maybe hold off.

I never get too worked up about this, but maybe that's because my income and that of everybody I work with is a matter of public record and published by some nice soul yearly, so I'm not hiding anything. (nor do I make enough for it to be an issue with friends, but I do make enough more than my staff that it can be a bit weird).

[B Dids]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
never tell people how much you make

they'll know who to come to when they "need" something

[/ QUOTE ]

SMART MAN

[/ QUOTE ]

These people I would not consider "friends".

Friends are people that I trust enough not to get hung up with money. I trust them to be honest if they need help, but also not to take advantage. Of course, I think it's also fair of them to expect me not plan an event that they can't afford.

[dtbog]

[ QUOTE ]
I talk about this stuff openly w/ peers/friends who have/make similar amounts of money as me.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
I would never even imagine discussing this sort of stuff with people who make far less than me.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is probably good advice.

[DavidC]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
hey diablo

how does one explain to a friend that he doesnt want to eat out every meal because it gets expensive? i prefer buying sandwich stuff, bags of salads, fruit, pasta, and soup from cans from a local health store because its cheaper but my best friend always wants to eat out. hanging out is cool but not when it costs me $600-700/month.

[/ QUOTE ]

just say u cant afford it?? there is no shame in that...even people who make a ton cant afford it. To me, unless u are on the go none stop, its not smart to spend $ on going out to eat ALL the time (its not a question of how much money u have its then just blowing money for NO reason), quite frankly sometimes i crave food that i cook for myself - i guess u could use this as an excuse - u like cooking, ur body is craving it, and it cost less - 3 positives its hard for someone to argue with

[/ QUOTE ]

Say one day you hope to have kids to feed, and you're starting saving now? /images/graemlins/smile.gif