Dumbest thing you've ever heard?

[Yeti]

What is it?

My friend's gf is 18yo. I've never been her biggest fan, as she is loud, obnoxious and very, very dumb. Anyway, last Saturday I am drinking with friends in the pub and she is there. Somehow pate is the topic of discussion.

This idiot honestly believed that pate was produced from babies umbilical cords. She claimed this is something she had learned off her mother.

WTF? Obviously I got a pretty good joke in regarding Brussels pate, but seriously, how do these people exist? Can anyone top this?

[pearljam]

whats pate?

[ QUOTE ]
whats pate?

[/ QUOTE ]

Exactly what I was thinking. /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[Los Feliz Slim]

I had the perfect answer for this, but then I read your example, and that's pretty dumb.

My story is a woman who worked for me who said that in Japan, mothers have sex with their sons to keep them from having sex with other girls before marriage. One of my other employees got so mad about this while arguing with her I thought he was going to punch her. When asked for her source of this knowledge, she was like "Everyone knows this, this is a common fact."

[joshman1204]

Does this post count?

[xadrez]

2 comments (by the same person no less).

"Its good that you drink water. Its really good for you"

Another time, when it was observed that I was putting a lot of pepper on my lunch: "OMG, youre going to have a heart attack one of these days"

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
whats pate?

[/ QUOTE ]

Exactly what I was thinking. /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Its a spread made from the umbilical cords of cows, not babies. Morans.

[diebitter]

It's French paste. Not as good as French kissing, but okay on toast.

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
It's French paste. Not as good as French kissing, but okay on toast.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude stop trying to confuse them.

[diebitter]

Okay - sorry.

It's not paste made from the French.
It's paste from France.

[LeatherFace]

One time I was hanging outside with some people and it was a nice cloudy day and someone asked me if you could walk on clouds!! Later I was explaining to someone what that person had asked me and they didnt think it was a dumb question.

[kyro]

"i quit oot"

[2+2 wannabe]

"hurricanes are named after the first person it killed"

LMAO

[mslif]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
whats pate?

[/ QUOTE ]

Exactly what I was thinking. /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Its a spread made from the umbilical cords of cows, not babies. Morans.

[/ QUOTE ]

Pate in french is a very general term to describe a spread. I does not imply umbilical cords from cows.
This thread is confusing me.

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
Okay - sorry.

It's not paste made from the French.
It's paste from France.

[/ QUOTE ]

really not nice of you to play with them like this... <font color="white">and by play i mean tell the truth. i might still get them...</font>

[Voltron87]

a lot of the time its liver, i think.

[M2d]

we're at a bar back home in Hawaii. friend of my cousin's wife (IG= idiot girl), who has likely never been off the rock, is there, trying to be sophisticated and failing miserably (I'm in SF now, and my wife is from here, so we can out pretentious almost everyone on the island if we put our minds to it). Now, this is a bud light and wine from a box type of joint that the strippers from the next door strip joint (it was "ladies night" that night, so that's why we weren't there) hang out at after work.
the waitress (who happens to be dating my other cousin at the time; bbc= big boob chick) comes by for our order and ig says "I only drink wine. do you have chardonnay?". BBC says that they only have the "house wine" and brings ig one. it's a pale, sickly looking white. IG takes a sip, proclaims it "pretty good" and says "is this merlot?"

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
whats pate?

[/ QUOTE ]

Exactly what I was thinking. /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Its a spread made from the umbilical cords of cows, not babies. Morans.

[/ QUOTE ]

Pate in french is a very general term to describe a spread. I does not imply umbilical cords from cows.
This thread is confusing me.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't know why everyone's making this so difficult.... <font color="white">i know what it is i just felt like confusing them, evidently more seasoned posters fell along in step...=p</font>

[jdl22]

I've got a few really dumb things, all are basically related to people making stereotypically ignorant American type comments.

When I was a senior in high school I had a foreign exchange student from England (Stoke-On-Trent more specifically) living with me. I was driving in a car with him, another friend and his dumb but fairly hot girlfriend.

Not shitting you the girl asked "do you speak English in England?" As we were all cracking up I replied with, people from England are English or something like that and she said "yeah but I thought they spoke French." Unbelievable.

Second comment was during a 30 day bus tour/camping trip in Europe organized by a history teacher at my high school. We started in London and took the train to France and then rode a double decker bus for the next 3+ weeks around France, Spain, Italy, Switzerland and finishing up in Munich. The day we arrived in a Paris a girl asks "So do they speak France or are we in France?"

At the train station in London a couple girls, one who made the comment above, got their cameras out for the train ride. When asked why they said "to take pictures of the fish in the chunnel."

[STLantny]

I hang out with very dumb and very hot chicks.



I was making small talk, with this girl, asking if she wanted to get together later, Id take teh top of my jeep, and we could watch the meteor shower, she looked at me pissed/perplexed...and asked "Wont we get all wet?"

1999- we had a party, made fliers, said Y2K party or something like that, girl asks, I understand that 2k is 2000 but whats the Y?

Presidential election of Gore v Bush, girl gets interviewed by school newspaper in a "man on the street" type thing. basically 4 pictures of random campus kids, and a question with their quote underneath. The first 3 spouted some political crap, and the girls quote was "I didnt even know there was an election"

[swede123]

I've heard lots of dumb stuff over the years but one that comes to mind was spoken by a coworker. She thought the animal Chinchilla was an actual cross between a rabbit and a squirrel.

Swede

[Yeti]

Sweet. Now we're getting somewhere. More!

[HopeydaFish]

My sister-in-law's parents-in-law (follow?) are country folk and routinely say stupid things at family functions. We were having thanksgiving dinner one year and the topic came up that a family member's friend was going to adopt a baby from China. This seemed to confuse the mother-in-law and she asked "Why would she do that?" in an incredulous voice. My sister-in-law replied that the girl couldn't get pregnant, it's hard to adopt in Canada, there are millions of baby girls up for adoption in China, and so on.

The mother-in-law still seemed shocked that someone would do this, and finally asked:

"How are the parents going to understand what the baby is saying when it starts to talk in Chinese?"

[pudley4]

[ QUOTE ]
My sister-in-law's parents-in-law (follow?) are country folk and routinely say stupid things at family functions. We were having thanksgiving dinner one year and the topic came up that a family member's friend was going to adopt a baby from China. This seemed to confuse the mother-in-law and she asked "Why would she do that?" in an incredulous voice. My sister-in-law replied that the girl couldn't get pregnant, it's hard to adopt in Canada, there are millions of baby girls up for adoption in China, and so on.

The mother-in-law still seemed shocked that someone would do this, and finally asked:

"How are the parents going to understand what the baby is saying when it starts to talk in Chinese?"

[/ QUOTE ]

Heh. My brother asked this (almost) exact same question about the Korean boy our aunt and uncle were adopting.

Of course, my brother was only 5 at the time...

[HopeydaFish]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
My sister-in-law's parents-in-law (follow?) are country folk and routinely say stupid things at family functions. We were having thanksgiving dinner one year and the topic came up that a family member's friend was going to adopt a baby from China. This seemed to confuse the mother-in-law and she asked "Why would she do that?" in an incredulous voice. My sister-in-law replied that the girl couldn't get pregnant, it's hard to adopt in Canada, there are millions of baby girls up for adoption in China, and so on.

The mother-in-law still seemed shocked that someone would do this, and finally asked:

"How are the parents going to understand what the baby is saying when it starts to talk in Chinese?"

[/ QUOTE ]

Heh. My brother asked this (almost) exact same question about the Korean boy our aunt and uncle were adopting.

Of course, my brother was only 5 at the time...

[/ QUOTE ]

When a five year old asks a question like this, it's cute. When a 60 year old asks the same question, it's scary.

I was in Veags with a friend and 2 girls he worked with. We were in the sportsbook watching college football and one of the girls asked me what state Boston College was in. /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[HopeydaFish]

Just thought of another one...

When I was about 17, a friend of mine was trying to quit smoking. I saw him at school and he looked a little pale. I asked him what was wrong and he said that he "quit cold turkey" and thought it was making him sick.

"Why, because of the withdrawal?" I asked him.

"No, I think that eating the uncooked turkey gave me food poisoning or something."

[oddjob]

[ QUOTE ]
My sister-in-law's parents-in-law (follow?) are country folk and routinely say stupid things at family functions. We were having thanksgiving dinner one year and the topic came up that a family member's friend was going to adopt a baby from China. This seemed to confuse the mother-in-law and she asked "Why would she do that?" in an incredulous voice. My sister-in-law replied that the girl couldn't get pregnant, it's hard to adopt in Canada, there are millions of baby girls up for adoption in China, and so on.

The mother-in-law still seemed shocked that someone would do this, and finally asked:

"How are the parents going to understand what the baby is saying when it starts to talk in Chinese?"

[/ QUOTE ]

this is awesome.

my friend's dog has a miscolored eye. someone asked them if their dog was deaf in that eye. (maybe he just said deaf instead of blind) but then he started going on about the hearing of the dog.

[HopeydaFish]

[ QUOTE ]
I was in Veags with a friend and 2 girls he worked with. We were in the sportsbook watching college football and one of the girls asked me what state Boston College was in. /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

That's more of a geography problem than anything. She probably didn't realize what state the city of Boston was in. It would have been different had she asked what state "Alabama State" was in.

A few years ago some friends and I were smoking weed, and discussing music. When the topic of the Beatles came up, this girl says "I hate the Beatles. Beatles is the worst music I've ever heard in my life." I immediately burst, laughing loud and hard and told her that was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard.

[bwana devil]

[ QUOTE ]
"is this merlot?"

[/ QUOTE ]

if this is the dumbest thing one of your friends has said, you have very smart friends.

bwana

[oddjob]

[ QUOTE ]
Just thought of another one...

When I was about 17, a friend of mine was trying to quit smoking. I saw him at school and he looked a little pale. I asked him what was wrong and he said that he "quit cold turkey" and thought it was making him sick.

"Why, because of the withdrawal?" I asked him.

"No, I think that eating the uncooked turkey gave me food poisoning or something."

[/ QUOTE ]

i don't believe this

[2+2 wannabe]

[ QUOTE ]
"is this merlot?"

[/ QUOTE ]

"frasier, you're so corpulent that when you sit around magnificently and point to tuscan villa, you sit AROUND magnificently and point to tuscan villa"

[SL__72]

"If it weren't for my horse... I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

<font color="white">Sorry... someone had to say it... </font>

[HopeydaFish]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Just thought of another one...

When I was about 17, a friend of mine was trying to quit smoking. I saw him at school and he looked a little pale. I asked him what was wrong and he said that he "quit cold turkey" and thought it was making him sick.

"Why, because of the withdrawal?" I asked him.

"No, I think that eating the uncooked turkey gave me food poisoning or something."

[/ QUOTE ]

i don't believe this

[/ QUOTE ]

I swear that it's true. When I started laughing at him and explained to him what "cold turkey" really means, he was mortified and got all panicky and tried to get me swear never to tell any of our other friends what he'd done.

The interesting part is that he took "cold turkey" to mean "cold *raw* turkey"...and this was one of the smarter guys I knew growing up.

[M2d]

[ QUOTE ]
if this is the dumbest thing one of your friends has said, you have very smart friends.

[/ QUOTE ]
Not dumb in "got hit in the head as a child" dumb, but "I'm trying to look sophisticated and failing miserably" dumn. if you're going to try to pull off "wine snob", at least get your reds and whites straight.

for flat out dumb, here's one from college in Oregon:

"Wow, you drive well, where'd you learn to drive?"
"back home"
"they have cars in hawaii?"

and

"How do the pilots find the islands when you go to hawaii?"
"well, they have established routes and flight paths, I guess"
"How do they establish the paths? don't the islands float into different locations from time to time?"

both were straight up serious.

[ddubois]

[ QUOTE ]
My sister-in-law's parents-in-law

[/ QUOTE ]
So, your parents?

[HopeydaFish]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
My sister-in-law's parents-in-law

[/ QUOTE ]
So, your parents?

[/ QUOTE ]

No, her husband's parents. My parents would not be considered my girlfriend's sister's in-laws, even if I was married to my girlfriend.

[ddubois]

Well, I guess I can lay cliam to the dumbest thing said in this thread.

[SCfuji]

ive been missing out!!!! .... ........ .... -_____-

[offTopic]

Friend of mine used to work in a hardware store.

A guy comes in and asks about chain. The discussion turns to price, and my friend says, "That one's $x.yz per lineal foot." Customer says, "Lineal foot...what's that, like 16 inches?"

[astroglide]

[ QUOTE ]
"Lineal foot...what's that, like 16 inches?"

[/ QUOTE ]

that's [censored] awesome

[captZEEbo1]

[ QUOTE ]
2 comments (by the same person no less).

"Its good that you drink water. Its really good for you"

Another time, when it was observed that I was putting a lot of pepper on my lunch: "OMG, youre going to have a heart attack one of these days"

[/ QUOTE ]? I don't follow why either of these things are really dumb. #1 is just a slightly dumbed down version of something like "You should drink 8 glasses of water a day" or whatever absurd amount it is. #2 is just some half-joke about you using too much pepper.

[SCfuji]

same girl, one night, two incidents

friend puts a banana he is about to eat on a can of beer, girls asks what the banana is for, friend replies to keep it cold, girl puts a banana on her beer.

we are playing cranium. instead of rolling the dice she rolls the extra pieces and tries to figure out how many spaces to move for like a minute and we all just stare in AWE.

[BreakfastBurrito]

1. When I went to get my CA drivers license they made you take a written test. When waiting in line to get my test graded, there was a meathead behind me (actually wearing his barbell club t-shirt) who asked me "So, when it says prohibited, it means, like, you're not allowed to do it right?" I nodded, he thanked me, then he waited about 10 seconds, then he repeated the EXACT same question to me.

2. There is a sportscaster named Michael Barkan for Comcast Sports Net in Philadelphia. About 8 years ago, during an episode of Daily News Live, they were discussing who should be the Phillies All-Star. At the time, Curt Schilling was a top pitcher in the NL and clear cut all-star, but Doug Glanville was having a big first half, hitting .335 and getting hits in something like 55 of 58 games, so there was some talk of him getting selected too, although this clearly wasn't supposed to happen. Barkan though, knowing the rule that each team gets at least one all-star, felt it necessary to ask, "So, is there any way that we could say that Doug Glanville is the Phillies mandatory All-Star, and then Schilling makes it on his own merit?"

[imported_anacardo]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"is this merlot?"

[/ QUOTE ]

"frasier, you're so corpulent that when you sit around magnificently and point to tuscan villa, you sit AROUND magnificently and point to tuscan villa"

[/ QUOTE ]

Can't even get this right, eh?

Magnificently appointed Tuscan villa.

Variation on the "when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the house" joke.

[Brainwalter]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"is this merlot?"

[/ QUOTE ]

"frasier, you're so corpulent that when you sit around magnificently and point to tuscan villa, you sit AROUND magnificently and point to tuscan villa"

[/ QUOTE ]

Lol, this might be it.

Edit: slow.

My dad isn't too bright sometimes. His second wife is from England and before flying there to meet his new in-laws, he asked, "do they have television and radio in England?" He was 47 years old and completely serious...

[2+2 wannabe]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"is this merlot?"

[/ QUOTE ]

"frasier, you're so corpulent that when you sit around magnificently and point to tuscan villa, you sit AROUND magnificently and point to tuscan villa"

[/ QUOTE ]

Can't even get this right, eh?

Magnificently appointed Tuscan villa.

Variation on the "when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the house" joke.

[/ QUOTE ]

is it seriously "appointed" instead of "point to"?

there's at least 5 people I know that think my way is right (i.e. they don't know any better)

[ QUOTE ]
I was in Veags with a friend and 2 girls he worked with. We were in the sportsbook watching college football and one of the girls asked me what state Boston College was in. /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

"It's in Boston!"

[ddubois]

Your way is nonsense and incorrect English. Do you think it would be in Niles' character to use an insult that is nonsense and incorrect English?

Two frosh having a smoke outside the residence known as Perth Hall, discussing the origins of the building's name.

"So, what's a Perth?"
"I think it's some kind of fish."

[Brainwalter]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"is this merlot?"

[/ QUOTE ]

"frasier, you're so corpulent that when you sit around magnificently and point to tuscan villa, you sit AROUND magnificently and point to tuscan villa"

[/ QUOTE ]

Can't even get this right, eh?

Magnificently appointed Tuscan villa.

Variation on the "when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the house" joke.

[/ QUOTE ]

is it seriously "appointed" instead of "point to"?

there's at least 5 people I know that think my way is right (i.e. they don't know any better)

[/ QUOTE ]

Your way makes no sense at all.

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
same girl, one night, two incidents

friend puts a banana he is about to eat on a can of beer, girls asks what the banana is for, friend replies to keep it cold, girl puts a banana on her beer.

we are playing cranium. instead of rolling the dice she rolls the extra pieces and tries to figure out how many spaces to move for like a minute and we all just stare in AWE.

[/ QUOTE ]

this really cracked me up.

[CD56]

At work one day, one of the male coworkers was looking into buying a new truck and one of the girls was reading some of the classified ads out loud to him during lunch....

"97 chevy 4x4, 50,000 miles, with a V8"

-pause-

"i dont get it, why are they selling it with tomato juice?"

[gunt]

i have an aunt ( related to me by marriage ) who, when told my father was going to puerto rico for a business trip, responded: " oh, i hear europe is lovely this time of year."
the same aunt refered to a period during the middle ages as the time that faeries became extinct.

[gunt]

[ QUOTE ]
i have an aunt ( related to me by marriage ) who, when told my father was going to puerto rico for a business trip, responded: " oh, i hear europe is lovely this time of year."
the same aunt refered to a period during the middle ages as the time that faeries became extinct.

[/ QUOTE ]

the same aunt, when she heard my mother got one lung removed from a benign tumor blocking her airway: " will it grow back?"

[Voltron87]

any young person that says "im looking for a car worth 50-60K."

[inlemur]

This happened abbout 5 years ago, my senior year of high school. My Spanish teacher was out for the day, and we had a substitute who didn't care what we did as long as we weren't obnoxious. So a few of us decide to play "Win Lose or Draw" (like charades, but you draw instead of act) to keep from being bored.

It's normal girl's (NG) turn to draw. She says "I can't think of anything", so impossibly stupid girl (ISG, seriously the most incompetent person I've ever met) says "Oh, I've got one you can use" then calls her over so she can whisper it into NG's ear. NG says OK, then starts to draw. She's drawn most of a tophat when ISG blurts out "OOH! Magician!"

We all just stared at her.

[kem]

So hard to pick just one, I came up with a few that really stood out in my mind:

1) My roommate (at MIT) was dating this girl from The Boston Conservatory. For those of you not familiar, this means she's a wanna-be-broadway-star. Girl was dumb as rocks, literally. We're sitting around the living room just hanging out. She asks me what I'm majoring in. I reply that I'm doing Electrical Engineering. She thinks for a second, then asks, "So what are you going to do with that after you graduate? Like air conditioning repair?" Took me a second or two to recover, and I just replied with a "Uh, yeah."

2) In high school, I'm busing tables at this nice restaurant. There's a waitress there working the lunch shift, nicest girl in the world, but dumb as rocks. By her own self-admission (because how else would anyone know this), she had smoked cigarettes for something like 2 or 3 YEARS before realizing that she wasn't inhaling them. And to make it even worse, upon realizing that she had never inhaled, and wasnt addicted, she learned how to inhale and kept right on going.

3) This guy I know who was well on his way to failing out of MIT did every drug under the sun. Nice guy though. One day I'm hanging out with him, and he starts telling me about how he just quit his coke addiction. Goes on and on about how tough it was, it was the hardest thing he ever did, it felt so good to be clean, etc. Goes on for a long time. I'm just like, "Uh, that's really great dude. How long have you been clean?" "Almost 2 days"

4) Same guy as #3. Don't remember if this is before, or after #3, but he's debating trying heroine for the first time, and talking to my friend and I about it. He explains that he really wants to try it, "because so many people have ruined their lives over it, I just want to find out what it's all about".. My friend summed it up pretty well: "Really? Because that's the exact reason why I don't want to try it"

[KaneKungFu123]

here (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/dosearch.php?Cat=&amp;Forum=All_Forums&amp;Name=13250&amp;Sear chpage=0&amp;Limit=25&amp;)

[Brainwalter]

[ QUOTE ]
any young person that says "im looking for a car worth 50-60K."

[/ QUOTE ]

What about lebron?

[astroglide]

i would think that you could get addicted and ingest enough nicotine even if you didn't inhale. don't cigar smokers get addicted to nicotine?

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
i would think that you could get addicted and ingest enough nicotine even if you didn't inhale. don't cigar smokers get addicted to nicotine?

[/ QUOTE ]

yes

[lem45216]

Hmm, I sold a kid an invisible pen once. That was kinda dumb of him.

He came to me a bit later saying he lost it.

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]

This idiot honestly believed that pate was produced from babies umbilical cords. She claimed this is something she had learned off her mother.

WTF? Obviously I got a pretty good joke in regarding Brussels pate, but seriously, how do these people exist? Can anyone top this?

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think this is dumb at all. It's just ignorance. With the way they create veal, Foie Gras, roe, mountain oysters or raise chickens, eating umbilical cords doesn't seem that extreme. In fact compared to some things we eat it's pretty mild. The way they make Jello freaks me out more than grinding up umbilical cords.

BTW, did you know when you eat artificially flavored icecream you are eating moldy decomposed wood?

[RunDownHouse]

[ QUOTE ]
Hmm, I sold a kid an invisible pen once. That was kinda dumb of him.

He came to me a bit later saying he lost it.

[/ QUOTE ]
Wow, that reminds me of a great one. In HS, a friend of mine had gym class with Jamal, a really nice but really stupid kid. The class had free shoot with basketballs in the gym, and I guess my friend was having trouble getting his hands on one. He walks up to Jamal, who had just bricked a shot, and says, "Jamal, that'll never work. That's a left-handed basketball."

Jamal, dawning realization spread across his face, handed the ball over.

[Yeti]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't think this is dumb at all. It's just ignorance.

[/ QUOTE ]

Uh, you do realise I meant human umbilical cord.

[jek187]

1) Outside one night at a small party, full moon out. Girl says "Did you know last week that Mars came between the moon and Earth?" (And she was serious, upon people trying to argue with her, she kept saying how she read about it in the newspaper.)

2) Years ago, talking to my gf about her car accident settlement. She says her lawyer is going to take either 1/3 or 1/4 of her settlement, and she asks "which is bigger?" While I'm staring at her trying not be an [censored] about my answer, she says "oh, I can be so dumb. They're the same aren't they?"

3) Anyone saying anything while believing that pattern mapping works.

[M2d]

[ QUOTE ]
Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

any young person that says "im looking for a car worth 50-60K."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



What about lebron?

[/ QUOTE ]
is lebron looking for a beater?

[CORed]

[ QUOTE ]
"hurricanes are named after the first person it killed"

LMAO

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow! Isn't it amazing that the first one of the season always kills someone whose name starts witn an "A", the second one kills somone whose name starts with a "B", etc.?

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]

Uh, you do realise I meant human umbilical cord.

[/ QUOTE ]

You are right, she is dumb.

[tolbiny]

"why don't islands float away?"

[Phoenix1010]

Friend's bf: So you don't eat milk or meat... Man what can you eat?
Me: Well, I eat a lot of grains, vegetables, a lot of soy products too.
Friend's bf: Oh. What is soy made from?
Me: Uh, soybeans.
Friend's bf: Ohh. I was thinking it was made from soy sauce.

[BCPVP]

[ QUOTE ]
"If it weren't for my horse... I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

<font color="white">Sorry... someone had to say it... </font>

[/ QUOTE ]
Damn, too slow... /images/graemlins/frown.gif

[Sightless]

[ QUOTE ]
1. When I went to get my CA drivers license they made you take a written test. When waiting in line to get my test graded, there was a meathead behind me (actually wearing his barbell club t-shirt) who asked me "So, when it says prohibited, it means, like, you're not allowed to do it right?" I nodded, he thanked me, then he waited about 10 seconds, then he repeated the EXACT same question to me.


[/ QUOTE ]


hahaha hilarious

[Dr. StrangeloveX]

This is me: I'm at a restaurant after our district Cross Country meet (which I won, incidentally) ordering my meal and the waitress asks me if I'd like soup or salad. They always seem to say it fast so it comes out sounding like "would you like a super salad," So I say "Yep." How can I pass up a "Super Salad?"

The waitress gets a blank look on her face and asks again, "would you like a soup or salad?" I say "certainly." She says "you're going to have to choose sir."

Me==&gt;&gt;"Choose what?"
her==&gt;&gt;"Either a soup or a salad"
Me==&gt;&gt;"Oh I'm a retard, I'll have a salad." everyone at the table agrees.

Waitress==&gt;&gt; "And would you like a bottomless soda with that"

Me==&gt;&gt; "Does it come with refills".....

[Dominic]

dumbest thing I've ever read (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&amp;Number=3594791&amp;page=1&amp;view=c ollapsed&amp;sb=5&amp;o=14&amp;fpart=2#Post3596991)

[antidan444]

I'm at work (I'm a sportswriter). A high school coach calls me, and somewhere during the course of the conversation, asks me ...

"What number can I reach you at?"

[MrFeelNothin]

[ QUOTE ]
This happened abbout 5 years ago, my senior year of high school. My Spanish teacher was out for the day, and we had a substitute who didn't care what we did as long as we weren't obnoxious. So a few of us decide to play "Win Lose or Draw" (like charades, but you draw instead of act) to keep from being bored.

It's normal girl's (NG) turn to draw. She says "I can't think of anything", so impossibly stupid girl (ISG, seriously the most incompetent person I've ever met) says "Oh, I've got one you can use" then calls her over so she can whisper it into NG's ear. NG says OK, then starts to draw. She's drawn most of a tophat when ISG blurts out "OOH! Magician!"

We all just stared at her.

[/ QUOTE ]



Its not her fault you don't have a sense of humor.

[JihadOnTheRiver]

I think I have that beat in terms of 18 yr. old ignorant bitches. Same scenario, a good friend of mine was dating a local broad while I lived in Mississippi. She was a skank, and a true moron. She epitomized MS. She said a lot of dumb things in her career, but the absolute capstone is this little gem (said almost completely at random, with no real racial content leading up to it):

"You know why black peoples hands and feet are lighter than the rest of their body?"

(Imagine the stares of 6-7 buzzed/drunk, college educated kids from everywhere but the South, including her boyfriend, staring directly at her mouth waiting to see what kind of Southern Pearl Of Wisdom is gonna spout out)...

"Because their skin rubs off. No no, its true. I used to work with one of them at a fast food place, and sometimes, when I touched her arm, some of her color would rub off on me."

This is a true story. Some people in the South are actually this ignorant. She spent the next month trying to validate her point. My friend has since moved on...

-JOTR

PS. I seriously doubt anybody has ever been present for a statement this stupid/dumb/ignorant. We'll see.

[tonypaladino]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"is this merlot?"

[/ QUOTE ]

"frasier, you're so corpulent that when you sit around magnificently and point to tuscan villa, you sit AROUND magnificently and point to tuscan villa"

[/ QUOTE ]

Didn't you wonder what "point to tuscan villa" meant???????

[Dr. StrangeloveX]

I got one along those lines. This girl who is ignorant as sin asks this asian girl who is my friend "does it hurt to have your eyes like that?"

Same girl in Highschool Civics class. The teacher asks the class for examples of the purpose of the interstate commerce act of 1887. She is called on and says "to keep nuclear weapons from being transported across state lines?"

[MrTrik]

That OOT now has a Czar that will ban 3 people a month, not on the basis of the T&amp;C, or the basis of Mat's stickied guidelines, but on his distaste for the poster's actions. Great. And yes, the dumbest thing I've heard in a while.

[tonypaladino]

I'm at a Middle Eastern restaurant with some friends and some hick couple I really don't know too well. The girl is ordering some sort of Moroccan fajita thing, and asks if it comes with cheese. The waiter says, "No, the food here is both Halal and Kosher, and we do not have dairy products" She looks a little confused, but says ok. After he is gone, I try to explain about the Kosher no meat/dairy, but she had trouble even grasping the fact that certain relegions even had dietary restrictions. Finally she got to the point where she understood that there was no dairy in the restaurant. When the waiter brought the food, she then asked, "Do you guys have any sour cream?"

[bravos1]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I was in Veags with a friend and 2 girls he worked with. We were in the sportsbook watching college football and one of the girls asked me what state Boston College was in. /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

That's more of a geography problem than anything. She probably didn't realize what state the city of Boston was in. It would have been different had she asked what state "Alabama State" was in.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hence the perfect lead in to one of mine...

Sittin in a bar in Atlanta watching the Fla State - Florida game and my friends gf states that she knows Florida (UF) is in Florida, but where FSU is from? Me, giving her the benefit of the doubt, thinks she means the city, so I telll her that FSU is in Tallahassee. She then says... "Where is that?" I look at her puzzled, and say "Tallahassee, Florida??" kinda confused and puzzled by her question. She stares back at me for about 30 seconds and I see the wheels are grinding to a halt. She then states that she does not understand how "Florida" can have 2 universities which are the "same" /images/graemlins/confused.gif, and have them in different cities (???), AND why do they have 2 football teams /images/graemlins/ooo.gif, AND better yet, WHY do they even play "themselves" /images/graemlins/shocked.gif.

I just stood there dumbfounded for what must of been 5 minutes before walking away because my head was hurting!!

[Sponger15SB]

I posted about this but I'll just repeat it here from what I can remember.

Me and my roomates are sitting around drinking with our neighbors, and one girl is taking shots of beer. Here is our conversation...

"Why are you taking shots of beer?"
"Because it gets me drunker"
"So you drink more while you take shots?"
"No, like 4 beers normally and I am fine, but 4 beers taking shots gets me drunk"
"Uhhhh...."

[YourFoxyGrandma]

[ QUOTE ]
"i quit oot"

[/ QUOTE ]

nh

[Sephus]

[ QUOTE ]
Hmm, I sold a kid an invisible pen once. That was kinda dumb of him.

He came to me a bit later saying he lost it.

[/ QUOTE ]

i find this more hilarious than dumb.

[Bradyams]

We had some people over a couple weekends ago. Just a like 7-8 people, so everyone just brought their own beer, and we're just drinking, and hanging out. I'm drinking Fat Tire, and some dude who has Coors Light says, "Is that Fat Tire? I heard it's pretty good, can I try it?" I let him take a drink, he scrunches his face and says, "Gross dude, I'll stick with Coors Light".

That's the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to me.

[private joker]

I was playing basketball with a group of friends in middle school/high school. Two of them (Nathan and Rueben) were twins -- not identical, but fraternal twins; they looked sort of alike, but you knew they were twin brothers because they were both dumb as a box of rocks.

Also, they didn't like each other. During the game, they got very confrontational and started trash talking each other. As dumb as Nathan was, Rueben was even dumber -- when things got really heated, Nathan made a mean comment about Rueben, and Rueben shot back with the best comeback he could think of: "Oh yeah? Well your mother's a whore!"

The funniest thing about this was the aftermath. The rest of us started giggling to ourselves, and Rueben didn't get it. Nathan goes, "You idiot, she's your mother too!" And Rueben goes, "Oh." And he pretty much shut up after that.

[inlemur]

[ QUOTE ]
Its not her fault you don't have a sense of humor.

[/ QUOTE ]

Once we picked our jaws up off the floor, we laughed. And she didn't understand why we were laughing.

[kem]

[ QUOTE ]
i would think that you could get addicted and ingest enough nicotine even if you didn't inhale. don't cigar smokers get addicted to nicotine?

[/ QUOTE ]

Except cigars have like 50X (http://cis.nci.nih.gov/fact/10_16.htm) the nicotine as cigarettes...

[Duffman]

In high school social studies class. Junior yr.

We're discussing how the Statue of Liberty was a gift from the French.

Dumb skank : How did they bring it all the way to America?
Dumber skank : With Helicopters STUPID!

[jba]

[ QUOTE ]

The funniest thing about this was the aftermath. The rest of us started giggling to ourselves, and Rueben didn't get it. Nathan goes, "You idiot, she's your mother too!" And Rueben goes, "Oh." And he pretty much shut up after that.

[/ QUOTE ]

reminds me of one

I'm hanging out with some of my college roommates, Dick and John - who happen to be cousins, and everyone knows this - and some girls we had known for a very long time. Somehow during conversation there is some mention of Dick's dad referring to John's mom as 'sis'.

dumb girl: wait, your mom is his dad's sister? seriously??
them: uhh, yeah.
dumb girl: wow that's weird!
them: you didn't know we were cousins?
dumb girl: well yeah, I knew that.

[Colonel Kataffy]

This (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&amp;Number=3600721&amp;page=0&amp;view=c ollapsed&amp;sb=5&amp;o=14&amp;fpart=1#Post3600728)

[kyro]

[ QUOTE ]
This happened abbout 5 years ago, my senior year of high school. My Spanish teacher was out for the day, and we had a substitute who didn't care what we did as long as we weren't obnoxious. So a few of us decide to play "Win Lose or Draw" (like charades, but you draw instead of act) to keep from being bored.

It's normal girl's (NG) turn to draw. She says "I can't think of anything", so impossibly stupid girl (ISG, seriously the most incompetent person I've ever met) says "Oh, I've got one you can use" then calls her over so she can whisper it into NG's ear. NG says OK, then starts to draw. She's drawn most of a tophat when ISG blurts out "OOH! Magician!"

We all just stared at her.

[/ QUOTE ]

this would have been funnier if she was wrong.

[IndieMatty]

"If it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that time in college."

edit: wow, im the third one...oh well.

[youtalkfunny]

More LOL's in this thread than any I've read in a long time.

"I could care less"

Just think for a second about how much sense this makes.

[CCass]

American History class in College (during the 80's). Professor makes some comment about Reagan and Bush (the prez and VP at the time).

Dumb Cute Girl #1 sitting beside me turns to Dumb Cute Girl #2 and asks which party Reagan belongs to. DCG#2 says that Reagan is a Republican. DCG#1 than asks if Bush is a Republican, and DCG#2 says "I don't know".

Without missing a beat I ask both of them if they are Education Majors, and they look at me funny and say "How did you know?"

[34TheTruth34]

When I was a freshman in college I worked a retail job in my hometown and would occasionally see people I knew from high school. This chick that I used to be friends with came in and we started talking about what was going on in our lives. She showed me a gigantic rock on her finger and said, "I'm getting married next November!"

I said, "Good for you! Who's the lucky guy?", figuring that since we were from the same town, I might know him.

She answered, "My boyfriend".

[David04]

Junior year of high school, Civics class. We are talking about the colonies and whatnot. Some girl raised her hand and said

"Wait...what's the difference between England and New England?"

I look her dead in the eye and say "About one ocean."


Then a week or so later two friends and I were in trouble for harassing the same girl, and two of her friends. We were threatened with expulsion, but nothing really happened because there was no proof of anything.

[ibankonu]

[ QUOTE ]
"If it weren't for my horse... I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

[/ QUOTE ]

This was the first thing that i thought of when i saw this thread.

[asofel]

reminds me of a kid in highschool, varsity basketball as a freshman, not too swift. He was chasing another into a dorm room and got locked out. He's banging on the door, yelling at my friend Salisbury to let him in, etc etc. Finally he shouts "SALISBURY BLOWS MY MOM"

2 second pause from inside the room and then the loudest laughter i've ever heard from a group of 3 people.

[xadrez]

No

I guess you had to be there. 1) She really thought she was divulging a dietary secret to me 2) She was genuinely concerned that the pepper in my diet was going to kill me. She lectured me on its ill effects for a couple minutes after the comment was made.

[Your Mom]

A friend of a friend stood in the kitchen of my friend's house and said, "Kevin, where do you guys keep your ice cubes?"

[benza13]

A friends girlfriend who was incredibly dumb (and yet did quite well in college) once asked where all the water went at low tide, this took a while to describe before she understood that the water didn't just pile up in the middle.

She had some other gems, but I dont remember any right now, if I think of them I'll be back.

[jcmack13]

Dumb hot girl (boy, this demographic is well-represented in this thread...) sitting next to me gets her test back in class.

The test was coincidentally exactly 100 points.

She has 62/100 circled in red ink on her test.

Looks at me, "John, what percent is that?"



Honorable mention:
Just moved into my new dormroom, which has a sh-tty dishwasher in it. I was hanging out with some friends complaining about how my dishwasher floods my kitchen. Dumb girl looks quizzically at me. "You brought your dishwasher from home?"

Honorable honorable mention:
Fresh out of grad school econ PROFESSOR.
Student:"Are the exams cumulative?"
Prof:"What do you mean?"
Student:(pause)"Umm...is stuff on the first midterm going to be on the second?"
Prof:(nodding vigorously)"Yes, yes, they are VERY cumulative."

one more: roommate's girlfriend admiring my roommate's new twin 20.1" flat panel monitors.
Identical monitors. Side by side.
Roommate's GF:(pointing at the monitor on the left)"Wow, THAT one is HUGE!"

[bobman0330]

[ QUOTE ]
A friends girlfriend who was incredibly dumb (and yet did quite well in college) once asked where all the water went at low tide, this took a while to describe before she understood that the water didn't just pile up in the middle.

She had some other gems, but I dont remember any right now, if I think of them I'll be back.

[/ QUOTE ]

Where is it that you think the water goes?

[Dr. StrangeloveX]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
A friends girlfriend who was incredibly dumb (and yet did quite well in college) once asked where all the water went at low tide, this took a while to describe before she understood that the water didn't just pile up in the middle.

She had some other gems, but I dont remember any right now, if I think of them I'll be back.

[/ QUOTE ]

Where is it that you think the water goes?

[/ QUOTE ]

lmao this is exactly what i was thinking

[tonypaladino]

[ QUOTE ]
"I could care less"

Just think for a second about how much sense this makes.

[/ QUOTE ]

This bugs me whenever someone says it.

[youtalkfunny]

[ QUOTE ]
"I could care less"

Just think for a second and you'll recognize it as sarcasm.

[/ QUOTE ]

[TheCroShow]

any retard that ends his OOT post with "do you see why?"

[Mangatang]

My friend's girlfriend in college once said, "Isn't it cool how the sun turns into the moon at night".

Another time, we had that same girl convinced that they don't allow vans in Alaska... because they take up too much space.

[7ontheline]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"I could care less"

Just think for a second and you'll recognize it as bad grammar not sarcasm.

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

[smurfitup]

lol, the poor guy thought it was an accomplishment that he was off coke for two days... that's sad

[kipin]

I don't know if this is the dumbest thing I have ever heard, but it is definitely the dumbest thing I have heard in awhile.

I am talking to this Australian girl who is traveling the world and she was in the US and worked at a summer camp for money for a couple months. I don't know what it was but it seemed to be a camp for girls about 14 years old.

They were talking about the weather and somehow it came up that it was hot out, and she said something like its Winter back home in Australia. Then one of the girls looked at her and asked her: 'If it is Winter right now, when do you guys celebrate Christmas?'

America [censored] YEAH!

[plaster8]

My dad one year all of a sudden proclaims himself to be this HUGE Rolling Stones fan. This after years of car trips with he and my mom where it was either Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits or Springsteen's "Born in the USA."

Anyway, as part of his Christmas gift, I get him a T-shirt with the famous Stones lips and tongue logo.

Mr. Stones Fan looks up at me and says, "What the hell is this?"

[PokerBob]

I'm not sure if this is the dumbest or the smartest, but it was uttered by NBA player Elden Campbell at a news conference after he was drafted.

reporter: Elden, did you earn a degree from Clemson?

Elded: No, but they gave me one anyway.

[runner4life7]

[ QUOTE ]
This is me: I'm at a restaurant after our district Cross Country meet (which I won, incidentally) ordering my meal and the waitress asks me if I'd like soup or salad. They always seem to say it fast so it comes out sounding like "would you like a super salad," So I say "Yep." How can I pass up a "Super Salad?"

The waitress gets a blank look on her face and asks again, "would you like a soup or salad?" I say "certainly." She says "you're going to have to choose sir."

Me==&gt;&gt;"Choose what?"
her==&gt;&gt;"Either a soup or a salad"
Me==&gt;&gt;"Oh I'm a retard, I'll have a salad." everyone at the table agrees.

Waitress==&gt;&gt; "And would you like a bottomless soda with that"

Me==&gt;&gt; "Does it come with refills".....

[/ QUOTE ]

Holy [censored], I went to dinner with my CC team and my friend thats a little "slower" had the same "super salad" problem. Sorry but this just made me laugh real hard, what are the odds. No soda part though unfortunately

[runner4life7]

Figure I should quick add some of my own.

In a high school math class the teacher worked out a problem and the answer ended up being 0 and this girl raises her hand and is like "I got negative 0 is that ok?" This was like pre-calc...

I feel like I should have more as I remember myself saying that is the dumbest thing ive ever heard every time my ditzy neighbor comes by which is daily, so ill see what i can get for tomorrow.

[chuddo]

senior year of highschool, i heard one of the dumbest exchanges that is still a favorite story of mine to tell when this topic comes up.

the class was some current issues filler class that everyone tried to take because the teacher was pretty easy going. he was a good guy and he seemed fairly intelligent regarding cultural issues but...

he had no concept of what the number "billion" really meant. he was thoroughly convinced that one billion = a million million, instead of a mere thousand million.

one day he is speaking about how ludicrously wealthy bill gates is, and decides to put it into context for the class.

Mr. J: "bill gates is so rich, he is worth 80 billion dollars. this means he could give every single living american 1 million dollars, and still have 76 billion left for himself."

class idiots: "woah, well why doesn't he do that then?!"

mr j: "because then....a loaf of bread would cost.... one hundred thousand dollars."

class: "woah" blah blah

dumb girl: "i aint paying that much for no bread!

[diebitter]

I'm ashamed to say this is about my own mother /images/graemlins/blush.gif

I was due to pick her up from the airport on the way back from the US (I'm in the UK), and she phoned me from the airport. It was 11am my time.

"You know we're in at 12?"
"Yes, mum."
"What time is it there?"
"11 in the morning, mum"
"You better leave now then."
"Wha...wha...it's in 13 hours!?!"
"No, you forgot the time difference!"

I must have been found under a bush or something.

[kurosh]

Trying to figure out who we want to pick as our "Most important person of the century" in high school history.

Girl wants to pick the Beatles because they made good music. Someone else suggests Ghandi. Girl replies with:
"Ghandi? Who the hell is Ghandi?"

[Robbe]

[ QUOTE ]
he had no concept of what the number "billion" really meant. he was thoroughly convinced that one billion = a million million, instead of a mere thousand million.

[/ QUOTE ]

Some places on this planet, he would be right about that billion. Not in the USA, 'tho. (Just where he would be right is left as an exercise for the reader.)

[diebitter]

Yah, billion is or was 1,000,000,000,000 - might not be now for financial transactions/reasons.

[mike4bmp]

Someone once asked me if I spoke "Asian."....
I had a person once ask me if my eyesight was tapered on the edges...you know since I am Asian and have small "slanted" eyes....at first I thought it was a ignorant racist joke...but after a minute of berating him I found out that he was serious. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[pudley4]

From me: In college, they had just come out with "The Clapper". We were watching a commercial about it, and one of my friends asked "I wonder what happens if you have the Clapper attached to your TV when this commercial comes on? Does it turn off?" Other friend: "Oh, I bet they make the clapping sound an even number of times during the commercial so the TV ends up back on"

From my wife: A friend of hers in high school was convinced that "trees made the wind" and that's why you always see the trees blowing when it's windy - they're making the wind.

[Mangatang]

In high school once, I over heard two people discussing a picture of the space shuttle Challenger crew. You know, the standard photo where they're all standing in their flight uniforms.

"I wonder if this picture was taken before or after the explosion."

"You stupid idiot! If they took the picture AFTER, there'd be arms and legs and eyeballs all over the place!"

I kid you not, the temp who was in for my secretary who was sick, asked, "Are we in the Northeast or Northwest?"

And she's from NY.

[Sephus]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"I could care less"

Just think for a second and you'll recognize it as sarcasm.

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

just think for a second and you'll recall that it's almost never said with a sarcastic tone.

[Sephus]

[ QUOTE ]
From me: In college, they had just come out with "The Clapper". We were watching a commercial about it, and one of my friends asked "I wonder what happens if you have the Clapper attached to your TV when this commercial comes on? Does it turn off?" Other friend: "Oh, I bet they make the clapping sound an even number of times during the commercial so the TV ends up back on"

From my wife: A friend of hers in high school was convinced that "trees made the wind" and that's why you always see the trees blowing when it's windy - they're making the wind.

[/ QUOTE ]

calvin: what makes the wind blow?

calvin's dad: trees sneezing.

calvin: really?

calvin's dad: no, but the truth is more complicated.

later, to hobbes

calvin: the trees are really sneezing today.

[dizong]

lolol