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View Full Version : i need tp for my bunghole

SCfuji
10-04-2005, 12:51 PM
you wakeup. you remember that delicious filet you ate last night, with mashed potatoes, and creamed spinach. but its that time of morning so you head over to your little porcelain friend, grab your copy of SSHE, and let her rip. after reading through some quiz problems you are about done and look to your left, but theres nothing but a plain cardboard spool all by itself with remnants of white fabric dangling. you scream for help, but you know that wont help because you live alone. panic sets in. your butt is getting impatient.

what do you do??????????
Bradyams
10-04-2005, 12:59 PM
Grab your copy of Ken Warren Teaches Texas Hold 'Em, and wipe your ass with it.
krimson
10-04-2005, 01:01 PM
Uhh, you don't keep spare rolls under the sink or anything? Kleenex?

Wipe the excess with the cardboard roll, and head over to the kitchen to grab some paper towels.
handsome
10-04-2005, 01:02 PM
Man, this has happened to me several times at gas stations and such. Luckily I've always had a clean pair of socks on every time.
GetThere1Time
10-04-2005, 01:03 PM
Just wipe with the table of contents. It's not necessary since you read the book about 10 times.
Piiop
10-04-2005, 01:04 PM
Climb up in the sink and rinse.
joshman1204
10-04-2005, 01:05 PM
socks and its not even close!
GetThere1Time
10-04-2005, 01:05 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Grab your copy of Ken Warren Teaches Texas Hold 'Em, and wipe your ass with it.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is exceptable if you've already made the mistake of buying it. If not I prefer to cut the middleman and just wipe your ass with a 20 dollar bill.
roxtar
10-04-2005, 01:11 PM
Take your clothes off and get in the shower. Just make sure to rinse the tub out really well after your done.
Shajen
10-04-2005, 01:23 PM
http://www.burlingtonbasket.com/images/canton_tp_holder_lg.jpg
Blarg
10-04-2005, 01:36 PM
Go get something to wipe your ass with of course.
Cancer Merchant
10-04-2005, 01:40 PM
Paper towels are key. Newspaper in a pinch.

One time I was hiking Lake Tahoe. Got lost a bit on the way back. This was bad, since the morning's buffet breakfast was making its move. Now this damn trail was too crowded and the surrounding trees too skinny to just pull over and pinch a loaf. The lot I left my car it had a port-o-let, so I was making as good a time I could uphill with keeping a tight grip on the old ring. Get to said toilet and have a cigarette-worthy evacuation, but there's no toilet paper. Fortunately I had a legal pad in my backpack. Multivariable Calculus notes aren't perfectly absorbant, but they'll do in a pinch. Just had to be careful to avoid paper cuts.
dcasper70
10-04-2005, 01:44 PM
duh...

jump in the shower
BoogerFace
10-04-2005, 02:05 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Grab your copy of Ken Warren Teaches Texas Hold 'Em, and wipe your ass with it.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is exceptable if you've already made the mistake of buying it. If not I prefer to cut the middleman and just wipe your ass with a 20 dollar bill.

[/ QUOTE ]

No way. Ken Warren's advice spared my stepdaughter from getting an idiotic tattoo. From the classic "Winner's Guide to Texas Holdem": (slightly paraphrased)

"Who you want to play poker against: People with tattoos. If anyone is stupid enough to get a tattoo, they must be a terrible poker player."

Truer words were never uttered. Easily worth the $18 I paid for this classic tome. I want to get it autographed.
jakethebake
10-04-2005, 02:07 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Take your clothes off and get in the shower. Just make sure to rinse the tub out really well after your done.

[/ QUOTE ]

Exactly. Aren't you about to shower anyway? That's your answer.
Jamey Saunders
10-04-2005, 02:27 PM
Am I the only one who checks for paper before taking care of business?
jakethebake
10-04-2005, 02:28 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Am I the only one who checks for paper before taking care of business?

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm lucky if I can find the bathroom first thing in the morning much less check for paper.
GetThere1Time
10-04-2005, 02:35 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Am I the only one who checks for paper before taking care of business?

[/ QUOTE ]

If not the only one, you're certainly in the minority
tonypaladino
10-04-2005, 02:50 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Am I the only one who checks for paper before taking care of business?

[/ QUOTE ]

If not the only one, you're certainly in the minority

[/ QUOTE ]
SCfuji
10-04-2005, 03:51 PM
jamey

i live on the edge.

fuji
theben
10-04-2005, 04:19 PM
i am cornholio

hop in the shower and get clean
wacki
10-04-2005, 06:47 PM
[ QUOTE ]
jamey

i live on the edge.

fuji

[/ QUOTE ]

Of mentally retarded.

you live alone, your options are

1) take a shower.
2) walk naked to the nearest kleenex, papertowel, etc
3) In extreme cases use a sock, the glossary in SSHE, etc. Hell even the TP roll will work well enough so the [censored] isn't dripping off your ass while you walk to the nearest paper towel.

This isn't that hard and it's not that interesting.