View Full Version : Post your terrible pirate jokes
diebitter
10-02-2005, 09:48 AM
What's a pirate's favourite song?
You AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR my sunshine
gorie
10-02-2005, 09:52 AM
I FOUND THE TREASURE! HAHAH JUST KIDDING!
Slow Play Ray
10-02-2005, 09:58 AM
1. A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants. The bartender asks, "Why do you have a steering wheel hanging out of your pants?". The pirate replies, "ARRR matey, it's driving me nuts."
2. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A Buccaneer
3. A pirate strolls into his favorite bar and the bartender says, "Whoa, dude, what happened to you?" The pirate says, "What do you mean?"
The bartender says, "Well, for starters, you never used to have a peg leg." "Oh, that," replies the pirate. "Well, you see, we had a sea battle and a cannon ball blew off my leg. But the ship's surgeon fixed me up with this peg leg and I'm as good as new."
"Well, what about the hook?" asks the barkeep. "We had another sea battle and some guy lopped off my hand," the pirate explains, "but the ship's surgeon fixed me up with this hook and now I'm as good as new!"
"What about the eye patch?" asks the bartender. "One day I was on the top mast keeping watch," says the pirate, "when an albatross flew over and pooped in my eye." The bartender is incredulous. "You mean to tell me that bird poop will put out your eye?" "Well," the pirate explained, "this happened shortly after I got the hook."
Los Feliz Slim
10-02-2005, 10:24 AM
Q: What did the dyslexic pirate say?
A: Rrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Q: What did the retarted pirate say?
A: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
Land hhhhhhhooooooooooooeeeeeeee!!!!!!! So many hoes!!!!!!
newfant
10-02-2005, 10:50 AM
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y109/IronBallsMcGinty/DTI_697217.jpg
[ QUOTE ]
What's a pirate's favourite song?
You AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR my sunshine
[/ QUOTE ]
My only sunshine.....
mslif
10-02-2005, 10:54 AM
Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
It's rated AARRRRGGH!
diebitter
10-02-2005, 11:02 AM
Pirate capn goes up to a shady lady
He says: 'Ow much fer the pleasure of me compny, maaaaaaarrrrrrm?
She says: 1 gold doubloon.
He says: It's a deal, maaaarrrrrm. COMPNY! FORM AN ORDERLY LINE! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Five pirates and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal.
Each pirate will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next pirate in line will marry her and so on.
All the pirates get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different pirate each week.
The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies...
The first week after wasn't too bad.
The second week was getting sort of bad.
The third week was getting pretty bad.
The fourth week was really bad.
The fifth week was horrible!
By the sixth week it was unbearable...
So they buried her.
diebitter
10-02-2005, 11:08 AM
and the 7th week, they dug her up again.
drdre2001mm
10-02-2005, 11:27 AM
Why wasn't the little kid allowed to see the pirate movie?
Because it was rated ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR?
JonPKibble
10-02-2005, 11:54 AM
http://www.dementedpanda.com/flash/usehoe.html
what kind of music do pirates listen to?
AAAAAAAAAARRRRRR and B
MonkeeMan
10-02-2005, 12:15 PM
Where do pirates eat lunch?
AAAAARRRRRRRRRby's
El Barto
10-02-2005, 12:19 PM
The first pirate was sentenced to ten years at Leavenworth.
The second pirate was sentenced to eleven years at Twelveworth.
The third pirate was sentenced to five to ten years at Woolworths.
TheCroShow
10-02-2005, 12:53 PM
why are pirates named "pirates?"
they just aarrrrrrrrr
BradleyT
10-02-2005, 12:58 PM
http://e-rok.com/pictures/media/homepage/pirate.jpg
tom441lbk
10-02-2005, 01:28 PM
[ QUOTE ]
http://www.dementedpanda.com/flash/usehoe.html
[/ QUOTE ]
started off promising, but really really sucked
terrible, don't post ever again, not even thread relevant
i give it a 0/10
ebranig
10-02-2005, 02:59 PM
What did the Cartesian pirate say?
I think, therefore I ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Ulysses
10-02-2005, 03:03 PM
Awesome. This thread reminded me of this awesome web page: Awesome Jokes. (http://homepage.eircom.net/~cronews/elep.html)
Ulysses
10-02-2005, 03:05 PM
[ QUOTE ]
The first pirate was sentenced to ten years at Leavenworth.
The second pirate was sentenced to eleven years at Twelveworth.
The third pirate was sentenced to five to ten years at Woolworths.
[/ QUOTE ]
I don't get this one. I understand that Leavenworth is a prison and Woolworth's is a store. But it still doesn't make sense to me.
Cosimo
10-02-2005, 03:08 PM
[ QUOTE ]
I don't get this one. I understand that Leavenworth is a prison and Woolworth's is a store. But it still doesn't make sense to me.
[/ QUOTE ]
Five and dime (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_and_dime) is an old nickname for thrift stores of the Woolworths variety. But I didn't laugh at this joke, knowing this, so I think the joke's just broken.
STLantny
10-02-2005, 03:08 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
The first pirate was sentenced to ten years at Leavenworth.
The second pirate was sentenced to eleven years at Twelveworth.
The third pirate was sentenced to five to ten years at Woolworths.
[/ QUOTE ]
I don't get this one. I understand that Leavenworth is a prison and Woolworth's is a store. But it still doesn't make sense to me.
[/ QUOTE ]
Woolworths is also known as a 5 and dime store.
Ulysses
10-02-2005, 03:19 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
The first pirate was sentenced to ten years at Leavenworth.
The second pirate was sentenced to eleven years at Twelveworth.
The third pirate was sentenced to five to ten years at Woolworths.
[/ QUOTE ]
I don't get this one. I understand that Leavenworth is a prison and Woolworth's is a store. But it still doesn't make sense to me.
[/ QUOTE ]
Woolworths is also known as a 5 and dime store.
[/ QUOTE ]
Yes, I should have clarified that I understand Woolworth's is a five-and-dime store. I still don't get the joke.
Clarkmeister
10-02-2005, 03:21 PM
This reminds me of what a great movie Yellowbeard was. High comedy.
Los Feliz Slim
10-02-2005, 03:27 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Awesome. This thread reminded me of this awesome web page: Awesome Jokes. (http://homepage.eircom.net/~cronews/elep.html)
[/ QUOTE ]
Those jokes sucked. Except for this one:
[ QUOTE ]
Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.
[/ QUOTE ]
HtotheNootch
10-02-2005, 03:28 PM
On Halloween, a kid dressed up as a pirate knocks on a woman's door. As she's giving the kid some candy she asks "And what are you?"
"I'm a pirate."
"If you're a pirate then where are your buccaneers?"
"Under my buccan hat lady."
Ulysses
10-02-2005, 03:36 PM
Read the whole page again. It is awesome.
[ QUOTE ]
Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.
Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work.
[/ QUOTE ]
Also, there's a link at the bottom to "More Elephant Jokes."
El Barto
10-02-2005, 03:45 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
The first pirate was sentenced to ten years at Leavenworth.
The second pirate was sentenced to eleven years at Twelveworth.
The third pirate was sentenced to five to ten years at Woolworths.
[/ QUOTE ]
I don't get this one. I understand that Leavenworth is a prison and Woolworth's is a store. But it still doesn't make sense to me.
[/ QUOTE ]
Woolworths is also known as a 5 and dime store.
[/ QUOTE ]
Yes, I should have clarified that I understand Woolworth's is a five-and-dime store. I still don't get the joke.
[/ QUOTE ]
I hate explaiming jokes, so here is the full story: /images/graemlins/tongue.gif
This was originally a lawyer joke, not a pirate joke.
I heard it in a speech given by Supreme Court Justice Steven Breyer. He didn't get many laughs from it.
It is a terrible joke, but then "terrible...jokes" is part of the name of this thread.
It is mostly a silly play on words. (ten > eleven, eleven > twelve, followed by the 5 and dime joke)
It has no real punchline, either you chuckle at the play on words or you don't.
Now for the etymology of the joke.....
Ulysses
10-02-2005, 03:48 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
The first pirate was sentenced to ten years at Leavenworth.
The second pirate was sentenced to eleven years at Twelveworth.
The third pirate was sentenced to five to ten years at Woolworths.
[/ QUOTE ]
I don't get this one. I understand that Leavenworth is a prison and Woolworth's is a store. But it still doesn't make sense to me.
[/ QUOTE ]
Woolworths is also known as a 5 and dime store.
[/ QUOTE ]
Yes, I should have clarified that I understand Woolworth's is a five-and-dime store. I still don't get the joke.
[/ QUOTE ]
I hate explaiming jokes, so here is the full story: /images/graemlins/tongue.gif
This was originally a lawyer joke, not a pirate joke.
I heard it in a speech given by Supreme Court Justice Steven Breyer. He didn't get many laughs from it.
It is a terrible joke, but then "terrible...jokes" is part of the name of this thread.
It is mostly a silly play on words. (ten > eleven, eleven > twelve, followed by the 5 and dime joke)
It has no real punchline, either you chuckle at the play on words or you don't.
Now for the etymology of the joke.....
[/ QUOTE ]
Wow. That may well be the stupidest joke I have ever heard. I chuckle at bad jokes that are silly and corny. This one was just flat out dumb.
El Barto
10-02-2005, 03:57 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Wow. That may well be the stupidest joke I have ever heard.
[/ QUOTE ]
So I win. I came up with a truly terrible pirate joke. /images/graemlins/grin.gif
tonypaladino
10-02-2005, 05:37 PM
[ QUOTE ]
http://www.dementedpanda.com/flash/usehoe.html
[/ QUOTE ]
Can I have those three minutes of my life back, please?
dynamite
10-02-2005, 10:19 PM
Arrr... so a pirate walks into a bar, with a steerin' wheel down th' front o' his pants... the bartender asks 'im about it, and the pirate says, "Arr, it's drivin' me nuts!"
What did the pirate with heart disease get done?
ARRRRRRRRgioplasty!!!
What's a pirate's favorite football team?
The ChARRRRRRgers!!!
Crveballin
10-02-2005, 10:55 PM
Where do pirates go on vacation?
Arrrrrgentina
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