View Full Version : Getting back with Ex's
Tanach
09-28-2005, 02:18 AM
So I broke up w/me gf of 3 years about 3 months ago mostly because I thought I was unhappy in the relationship and she was very clingy/needy. It was tough to do but I thought it was best at the time.
Recently however, I've found myself thinking more and more about her and her good qualities. When we broke up, she promised things would be different, but I didn't budge...now I'm wondering if that was the best course.
If I get back together with her, is the same thing bound to happen? Or have any of you done this and it worked out?
No, TTINWWOP, and yeah, I SIIHP, and thanks for the help.
~jack
you just have to find out for yourself. there's a good chance of it being the same old, but that's not to say it's not worth the risk. go for it.
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No, TTINWWOP
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Blasphemy.
tdarko
09-28-2005, 02:22 AM
in my experiences i have found out that there was always a reason i originally broke up with my ex, b/c we weren't compatible.
the reuniting will usually start out ok for a few months and then when her same old habits and ticks kick back into high gear you will hate her again.
DeezNuts
09-28-2005, 02:30 AM
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in my experiences i have found out that there was always a reason i originally broke up with my ex, b/c we weren't compatible.
the reuniting will usually start out ok for a few months and then when her same old habits and ticks kick back into high gear you will hate her again.
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Very true. But sometimes you have to experience it again to have complete closure. It doesn't sound like OP has that.
DN
Edge34
09-28-2005, 02:33 AM
Post deleted because I'm an internet retard...
newfant
09-28-2005, 02:40 AM
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So I broke up w/me gf about 3 months ago mostly because I thought I was unhappy ...
Recently however, I've found myself thinking more and more about her and her good qualities.
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Have you been laid since the breakup?
kurosh
09-28-2005, 03:05 AM
Without is one word.
Chairman Wood
09-28-2005, 03:08 AM
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Have you been laid since the breakup?
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An extremely important question. This may explain a lot.
MyTurn2Raise
09-28-2005, 03:16 AM
life is meant to go forward...not backward
3 months is too soon...part for a whole year...no contact...nothing...act as though she never existed....if after this time, you don't get layed....go crying back to her.
SammyKid11
09-28-2005, 03:26 AM
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Have you been well laid since the breakup?
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After my high school/early college gf and I broke up, I found myself in the same position as OP. I dated around and got laid plenty...but I kept thinking about my old girlfriend because she was really great in bed (I'm sure part of that was due to the fact that she knew what I liked, etc.). As a result, I hooked up with her for pure ex-sex quite a bit, and even cheated on my next gf over and over whenever she'd come booty-calling. Wasn't until I met my current girlfriend (who I've now been with for over 4 years), who is herself very good in bed, that I stopped wanting to bone the earlier girl.
The point is - you need to get laid, and with a girl who's got her [censored] working. Get yourself a hot little freaky girl (even for a night) and you'll forget all about the old girlfriend.
Unless you're gettin' all luvvy-duvvy lonely for her (in which case no one here can help you).
Tanach
09-28-2005, 03:32 AM
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Have you been laid since the breakup?
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No, but I don't think this is the reason.
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Unless you're gettin' all luvvy-duvvy lonely for her (in which case no one here can help you).
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I think it's more this one...
~jack
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Have you been laid since the breakup?
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No, but I don't think this is the reason.
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This is incorrect. Do you see why?
MyTurn2Raise
09-28-2005, 03:36 AM
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Unless you're gettin' all luvvy-duvvy lonely for her (in which case no one here can help you).
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I think it's more this one...
~jack
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You're screwed...I've been there....YOu're in for 6 months to a year of pain...goto Costa Rica
Tanach
09-28-2005, 03:36 AM
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Have you been laid since the breakup?
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No, but I don't think this is the reason.
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This is incorrect. Do you see why?
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No. Are you going to let others elaborate?
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Have you been laid since the breakup?
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No, but I don't think this is the reason.
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This is incorrect. Do you see why?
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No. Are you going to let others elaborate?
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yes
Tanach
09-28-2005, 03:37 AM
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You're screwed...I've been there....YOu're in for 6 months to a year of pain...
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Does this mean that I should go back to her if that's an option? I'm 99% sure that it is...
~jack
SoloAJ
09-28-2005, 03:39 AM
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You're screwed...I've been there....YOu're in for 6 months to a year of pain...
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Does this mean that I should go back to her if that's an option? I'm 99% sure that it is...
~jack
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Ex's are like old tax forms. Keep them in the cabinet for 3 years and then throw 'em out.
Or something like that.
kurosh
09-28-2005, 03:42 AM
I think every situation is different and only you can decide this, but I will share my experience. I dated a girl for 8 months, then we had a bad breakup and fought for nearly a year. In that span, she dated someone else for a few months and I [censored] around with someone for a few months too. (As a side note, she turned out to be the stalkerish type, who won't [censored] get out of my life. I know you're reading this. LEAVE ME ALONE. DON'T EVEN BOTHER REPLYING.)
After that year or so, we had both grown a lot as people and we got back together. A lot of the problems we had were fixed because we had learned from our mistakes. I was no longer jealous and trusted her more, etc, things of that sort.
We've been very happy for a while now.
Tanach
09-28-2005, 03:47 AM
Thanks for the reply, Kurosh.
I think it brings up a valid point. I think one of the main reasons we were having problems is that we were at different points, or as she liked to call it, different levels of maturity. She was ready for marriage, and I was like "come on, I just turned 21 and am still in college."
When we broke up she said that she realized that she shouldn't have pushed the issue so much. She also told me that she realized that she was causing too many arguements and realized it wasn't worth it. I wonder if she only thinks she could change or if it would actually last.
Anyway, I'm glad things are working out for you and wish you the best of luck.
~jack
JaBlue
09-28-2005, 03:58 AM
findum, fuckum, flee
newfant
09-28-2005, 04:16 AM
You may be in that [censored] up place where you've found a girl you could potentially settle down with, but you just aren't emotionally ready for it. If you had met this girl when you were 25 or 30 as opposed to early in life, things likely would work out better between you.
My advice would be to try and move on as much as possible. Get out there and meet other chicks. I think if you try to get back together she will continue to put pressure (even if it's not overt) on you to get married and you will rebel because you aren't ready for it.
chuddo
09-28-2005, 04:23 AM
this is true about this being a terrible spot. and good advice.
Tanach
09-28-2005, 04:40 AM
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You may be in that [censored] up place where you've found a girl you could potentially settle down with, but you just aren't emotionally ready for it.
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[censored]. I think you are exactly right.
Tanach
09-28-2005, 11:41 AM
bump for the morning crowd.
lucas9000
09-28-2005, 11:43 AM
she might change for a little while after you get back together, but she's not changing how she is for good, even if she wants to.
jakethebake
09-28-2005, 11:45 AM
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Have you been laid since the breakup?
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No, but I don't think this is the reason.
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It's the reason.
jakethebake
09-28-2005, 11:47 AM
If you get back together and she hasn't changed, what do you lose? You've broken up once. It'll be easier the second time. And you'll get some lovin' out of it. And maybe she's ralized what was wrong and make an effort to do it better the second time.
IndieMatty
09-28-2005, 12:01 PM
Welcome to the club. Apparently this never works out. Good luck!
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If you get back together and she hasn't changed, what do you lose? You've broken up once. It'll be easier the second time. And you'll get some lovin' out of it. And maybe she's ralized what was wrong and make an effort to do it better the second time.
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I think you lose a little bit of dignity and throw your heart for a whirl again. It doesn't sound like this guy is having no strings attached sex for a few months and then just dropping it.
For the OP, I know you like kurosh's little story of hope but there is a big difference between 1 year and 3 months. She's telling you bullshit about changing already. After a year and another relationship she might have actually changed like Kurosh's girl. It's too soon to go back, open up your eyes and hit something else (seriously, deliberately go out and find some little freak in bed for a one night stand)
PokerGoblin
09-28-2005, 12:21 PM
The thing about this is whenever you break up with someone you care about, down the road you feel lonely and you only remember the things that were good about the relationship and not the reason you left. I know this first hand, I just went through a divorce.
One thing that can trigger these emotions is your ex dating a new person. has this happened yet?
That said, it may be that you just needed some space in the first place and didn't necessarily need to end the relationship at that time. Only you can decide that.
One thing I do know for sure is that you don't have the right to expect her to change. You have to love her for who she is. If she wants to change for fear of losing you it will only lead to resentment in the future and it will be bad for the relationship. Take her as she is, or move on.
PG
If you do this, I suggest gold paper and red ribbon for when you giftwrap your balls and give them to her.
you realize that since you broke up with her and you're trying to get back with her, she'll have your sack under her heel, right?
jakethebake
09-28-2005, 12:28 PM
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If you do this, I suggest gold paper and red ribbon for when you giftwrap your balls and give them to her.
you realize that since you broke up with her and you're trying to get back with her, she'll have your sack under her heel, right?
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This is a good point. You need to somehow work it so she's the one that gets back with you.
RunDownHouse
09-28-2005, 12:31 PM
You know that you can't will people to change, right?
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