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09-25-2005, 04:38 PM
I'm interested in this girl who I've known for like 2 years. I met her through a very good friend of mine who was dating her for about the first year and a half. He graduated last year and now they are separated. Is he going to kill me if I pick up his ex? What is the verdict on best friend's ex's?
InchoateHand
09-25-2005, 04:38 PM
Ask him about it.
jakethebake
09-25-2005, 04:39 PM
Why don't you ask him?
theben
09-25-2005, 04:49 PM
you must obey the rules. every dude knows and follows THE RULES and if you break them, you are scum and bad things happen
InchoateHand
09-25-2005, 04:51 PM
I'm glad you watched some crappy teen made-for-tv movie that explained "The Rules."

Welcome to adulthood, they don't exist.



Talk to your friend.
MyTurn2Raise
09-25-2005, 04:52 PM
Who broke up with whom? How does your buddy feel about her now?
PoBoy321
09-25-2005, 04:53 PM
You should just start going out with her and not tell your friend, but then, the first time you have sex with her, call your friend in the middle of it and start screaming "I'M [censored] YOUR BITCH! I'M [censored] YOUR BITCH!" That's what I'd do.
Felix_Nietsche
09-25-2005, 04:54 PM
Who broke up with whom? How does your buddy feel about her now?
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Bingo.....if he dumped her. This is good for you.
If she dumped him, he will harbor some resentment even if he says he doesn't care.
09-25-2005, 07:08 PM
They mutually ended the relationship on agreeable terms. He moved half way across country. So they are over but they are still friends and there is no ill-will either way.

Suggestions for how to approach my friend? Basically work backward and try to predict your response if you were him and heard from your friend "So I'm thinking about trying to bang your ex... That's cool right?" In a way I'd rather just not try with her if in order to get things going I have to risk a conversation with him that could [censored] things up.

I can think of a few times when I had a recent ex and if any of my friends had hit on her I would have killed them. That feeling goes away in time though.
Felix_Nietsche
09-25-2005, 07:15 PM
Tough call............ex-sex is something most guys like to have when they come back in town for a visit. If you move on his ex, then your cutting off his chance for ex-sex. But the saying "all is far in love in war" trumps everything. If the chick wants you....go for it.
Dynasty
09-25-2005, 07:17 PM
Pick one of the other 4,000,000,000 women on the planet.
HopeydaFish
09-25-2005, 07:17 PM
[ QUOTE ]
I'm interested in this girl who I've known for like 2 years. I met her through a very good friend of mine who was dating her for about the first year and a half. He graduated last year and now they are separated. Is he going to kill me if I pick up his ex? What is the verdict on best friend's ex's?

[/ QUOTE ]

Ask him. Every guy is different when it comes to such things. When I was younger, I used to get very jealous and angry if a friend of mine would hit on a girl I was interested in, or would hit on a girl that I'd dated previously. Now that I'm older, I realize how foolish this was. Any guy that acts possessive of *ex* girlfriends needs to grow up.

The only exception to this rule is if a friend of mine is going to date an ex that I was friends with *and* I knew that my friend was just looking to use her, and/or my friend had a history of treating women badly. I've got a few friends that are fun to hang around but that I wouldn't inflict upon a woman that I care about.
tonypaladino
09-25-2005, 07:21 PM
After I broke up with my girl of 4 years, a good friend of mine made a move on her. He thinks I don't know about it, but I haven't talked to him since, and apparently he has no idea why.

I was more pissed of about hi doing it behind my back than the fact that he did it.
09-25-2005, 07:22 PM
I didn't pick her Dynasty, I was trying to hit on her roommate because I thought I was just friends with her. Well I ended up cornered by her and I did what any self respecting male would do, went with it. Now I'm trying to actually figure out the responsible thing to do.
mslif
09-25-2005, 07:26 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Pick one of the other 4,000,000,000 women on the planet.

[/ QUOTE ]

Seems like a reasonable answer.
09-25-2005, 07:31 PM
[ QUOTE ]

Pick one of the other 4,000,000,000 women on the planet.


[/ QUOTE ]

They got that many now?

/images/graemlins/grin.gif
iMsoLucky0
09-25-2005, 07:48 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Pick one of the other 4,000,000,000 women on the planet.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's a bullshit answer. If he likes this girl then he should go after this girl. It's not like at the county fair when you win a rabbit and you can just pick one. It's also not like the friend has any ownership over the girl. If he gets mad about it, [censored] him, and then [censored] her too.
09-25-2005, 07:52 PM
Just do it
Dynasty
09-25-2005, 07:55 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Now I'm trying to actually figure out the responsible thing to do.

[/ QUOTE ]

Pick one of the other 4,000,000,000 women on the planet.
MyTurn2Raise
09-25-2005, 08:16 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Pick one of the other 4,000,000,000 women on the planet.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's a bullshit answer. If he likes this girl then he should go after this girl.

[/ QUOTE ]

One-itis
Tron
09-25-2005, 08:17 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Pick one of the other 4,000,000,000 women on the planet.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's a bullshit answer. If he likes this girl then he should go after this girl.

[/ QUOTE ]

One-itis

[/ QUOTE ]

omg u r teh player
Blarg
09-25-2005, 09:14 PM
[ QUOTE ]
you must obey the rules. every dude knows and follows THE RULES and if you break them, you are scum and bad things happen

[/ QUOTE ]

Unfortunately, it's dirt common that our rules for others don't match the ones we have for ourselves, so whatever passes for rules or common sense is pretty hazy and could vary by the minute or according to someone's passing moods.
Blarg
09-25-2005, 09:27 PM
I'm a romantic, part of my doom. I believe love is really rare, maybe even among married couples, and you're a fool to give up any chance at it, because it could extremely easily never come around again.

Then again, if she's just some girl you want to hang with and pork, it's another story.

Defends how you both feel about each other. Not getting with a girl who's just a minor fling is no big deal. Not getting with one who seems to be something more could be the biggest mistake of your life.

Still, I wouldn't move in on a girl too quick that way, just out of respect for my friend. And to be sure she wasn't getting with me just to aggravate her ex-boyfriend. Pussy isn't that hard to find that you want to become a pawn in their relationship either way, for him or her. Also, I wouldn't get with her right away because catching a girl on the rebound often leads to her using you as an emotional kleenex to blast the snot out of her soul and get her confidence back, and the best thing to do with you then, when she associates you with all that emotional goo with the bloody hairs in it, is throw you away and try to forget about you and the yuckiness of that bad phase she went through as soon as possible, once you've "rehabbed" her. These can be the easiest girls to get, the hardest to keep, and the ones you later realize you'd least like to keep if you know any better, after you've been drained dry.

But I wouldn't put her off limits for life or a super long time either. And I would definitely bring it up with my friend at some point. You don't want him hearing about it from somebody else; that would just seem cheesy.
B Dids
09-25-2005, 10:07 PM
Honestly with your friend is the only way to go.

This is a question with an easy answer and I'm not sure why people tend to [censored] it up.
TheCroShow
09-25-2005, 10:12 PM
look at what happened between dawson and pacey after joey and pacey started dating. they were best friends then a girl got between them for like 2 seasons
Dave G.
09-25-2005, 10:13 PM
If this question were an easy answer, then so many people wouldn't [censored] it up.

I'm in a similar situation myself with one of my best friends. I haven't told him I really like the chick he's liked for a while. I thought he might have been over it since he never asked her out or anything, but the other night he was drunk and mentioned how much he looked forward to seeing her. Makes me feel like crap, I like her and I think she likes me. Dunno what to do.
Dave G.
09-25-2005, 10:14 PM
Your posts on these issues always make a lot of sense. Thanks.
B Dids
09-25-2005, 10:22 PM
If you feel you can't ask, you know you shouldn't do it. If you can ask, you should. It is that basic IMO.
slickpoppa
09-25-2005, 10:26 PM
[ QUOTE ]
I believe love is really rare,

[/ QUOTE ]

So are good friendships. Unless you really think that this girl is something special and your friend has NO feelings for her, don't mess with it. At the very least wait until your friend starts seeing someone else.
renodoc
09-25-2005, 10:28 PM
ask him
Blarg
09-25-2005, 10:43 PM
Waiting until he has NO feelings for her could mean waiting five or ten years, or a lifetime.

That's a little too much.

The truth is, grown-ups treating each other like grown-ups means none of the parties can be children, or else the whole thing is pointless. You've got to have respect, and take your friends into consideration, but you cannot live your life for them or give them final say. I wouldn't let any friend become the puppetmaster.

It's possible, and necessary, for everyone to compromise, not at all excluding the ex-boyfriend. It wouldn't be right to swoop in like a vulture on the still-warm carcass of his relationship, but having consideration for your friend's feelings doesn't mean putting yourself at his mercy. Nobody's happiness should be held hostage by anyone else. A brief period of mourning is acceptable, and then it's time to move on.

Using "wait till he has a new relationship" seems like an absolutely nutty criteria to me.
34TheTruth34
09-25-2005, 11:03 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Ask him about it.

[/ QUOTE ]

No way. He probably wont answer honestly anyway, and he might hate you for even thinking about it. If he is a really good friend, she is clearly off limits.
09-25-2005, 11:10 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I believe love is really rare,

[/ QUOTE ]

So are good friendships. Unless you really think that this girl is something special and your friend has NO feelings for her, don't mess with it. At the very least wait until your friend starts seeing someone else.

[/ QUOTE ]

I am equally good friends with both of them. Clearly you now understand that I think an awful lot of the girl as well. Someone just pointed out one of my biggest concerns, that my friend will get pissed off and hold it against me if I even ask.

I'll probably just have to take that risk. He has to be able to get over it easier if I ask than if I just start seeing her and he finds out later.
radek2166
09-25-2005, 11:42 PM
[ QUOTE ]
I'm interested in this girl who I've known for like 2 years. I met her through a very good friend of mine who was dating her for about the first year and a half. He graduated last year and now they are separated. Is he going to kill me if I pick up his ex? What is the verdict on best friend's ex's?

[/ QUOTE ]

Here is an interesting concept.

Ask him.