Is my friend a douchebag? [Archive] - Two Plus Two Older Archives

WLVRYN

09-24-2005, 11:32 PM

I recently got back from a trip and had a fairly nasty argument with a good friend, and I want to see OOT's opinion as to whether he's a douchebag or not. Here's the story:

Before I left on my trip, my friend offered me a ride to the airport (and to pick me up when I get back) in exchange for me taking him (and picking him up) when he heads out of town in two weeks. About a mile from the airport, he's changing a CD and doesnt see the car in front of him stop. He rearends the car going about 20 MPH. We get out and everyone's OK, but both cars are fairly damaged. At this point, I'm running a little late and didnt want to miss my flight (to a bachelor party), so I tell my friend that I'm just going to hitch a ride from the bus at the car rental place that happened to be right there and I'll catch up with him when I get back at the end of the weekend. Obviously I feel pretty bad for the guy (and tell him so), but there's not much I can do at this point, so I figure there's no harm in getting to my flight.

When he picks me up on Sunday night, he tells me that the estimate to fix the car is over $1,500. His insurance covers this, but since the accident was his fault, he has to pay the $500 deductible. At this point, he asks me to pay for half the deductible since he wouldnt have gotten into the accident if he werent driving me to the airport. I tell him to go to hell, that its not my fault he wasnt looking, and that we had both agreed to take each other to the airport (his idea by the way), so its not like he went out of his way to help me out. We both have jobs for decent money, so I dont think the money is really the issue. He's pretty adamant that I should pay half, and I'm pretty sure that he probably wont want to be friends anymore if I dont. We've been friends since junior high (he stood up in my wedding) and I've never seen him like this. I'd hate to lose a friend over something as stupid as this, but I dont think its reasonable to expect me to pay for his crummy driving.

So I ask OOT, is my friend a douchebag?

jakethebake

09-24-2005, 11:33 PM

i love the wording of the question.

Sponger15SB

09-24-2005, 11:36 PM

Not only is your friend a douchebag, hes an idiot. I was rear ended by some moron a few years ago who was messing around with his CDs

Chances are your friend was going to crash sooner or later.

Jimbo

09-24-2005, 11:36 PM

[ QUOTE ]
So I ask OOT, is my friend a douchebag?

[/ QUOTE ]

No, but his is.

flatline

09-24-2005, 11:37 PM

Your friend is a douchebag.

The general rule is, if you are driving, you have to pay for any accident/ticket you are involved in. The only exception would be if you somehow distracted/misinformed your friend, and then you should chip in.

miajag81

09-24-2005, 11:37 PM

Yes.

InchoateHand

09-24-2005, 11:38 PM

http://home.wamego.net/jaeklund/images/Douche.jpg

tonypaladino

09-24-2005, 11:39 PM

YES

Stu Pidasso

09-24-2005, 11:41 PM

[ QUOTE ]
So I ask OOT, is my friend a douchebag?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes he is a douchebag for asking. You do not owe him anything other than to drive him to the airport when he heads out of town in a couple of weeks.

Stu

battschr

09-24-2005, 11:42 PM

I'm too lazy to read all that, but if you have to ask, then yes, he probably is.

Bradyams

09-24-2005, 11:43 PM

I'm not exactly sure what you should do. Let's just say that if I was in your friend's shoes I wouldn't ask you for any money. I'd assume I was driving, and if I was found at fault for the accident it would be all on me.

So I guess he is kinda acting like a douche.

Zygote

09-24-2005, 11:51 PM

tell him to take you to small claims court if he think he's right. I'll bet anything he loses and the reason he'll lose is why he is wrong right now.

Stuey

09-24-2005, 11:52 PM

Pay him the $250.

Then drive him to the airport and get in a big wreck that will cost you both thousands. That will teach him.

Don't wear your seatbelt that day either then he gets dinged with half your medical! sweet

iMsoLucky0

09-25-2005, 12:03 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Is my friend a douchebag?

[/ QUOTE ]

No, you are

(I didn't read the post)

Edit: okay, now I read it, and your friend is definitely a douce, and you are not. I would definitely lose a friend over this if he were that retarded.

Sephus

09-25-2005, 12:06 AM

your friend is an idiot. you don't owe him schit and it's amazing he actually expects you to agree to giving him any money.

09-25-2005, 12:13 AM

[ QUOTE ]

No, you are

(I didn't read the post)

[/ QUOTE ]

Now that's just not nice! Funny as hell, though. nh

If money was never a problem to you, and you were such wonderful friends for lo, these many years, why didn't you have a teensy conscience pang after you left him and offer, before being asked to chip in? Maybe you two aren't the bosom buds you've been thinking.

BTW, how come your wife didn't take you? Then you'd be pissed at her. And think of the wonderful "make-up sex" you could be having right now instead of posting this?

/images/graemlins/grin.gif

BradleyT

09-25-2005, 12:15 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
So I ask OOT, is my friend a douchebag?

[/ QUOTE ]

No, but his is.

[/ QUOTE ]

GuyOnTilt

09-25-2005, 12:19 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Before I left on my trip, my friend offered me a ride to the airport (and to pick me up when I get back) in exchange for me taking him (and picking him up) when he heads out of town in two weeks.

[/ QUOTE ]
This strikes me as strange. Doesn't sound like you're that great of friends.

GoT

ethan

09-25-2005, 12:21 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Yes.

[/ QUOTE ]

Clearly.

I borrowed a friend's car a few years ago (when I didn't have one) and was hit by an uninsured driver. That's the sort of scenario where you start becoming responsible for the deductible.

What if you were going to a movie you'd recommended? Or maybe to dinner with some people you knew but he didn't? Would he still be asking for the money then?

theben

09-25-2005, 12:25 AM

he is a douche

jokerthief

09-25-2005, 12:26 AM

Very much so. This isn't something a friend would ask.

utmt40

09-25-2005, 12:27 AM

He is being a [censored] douche. Tell him to [censored] off.

09-25-2005, 12:33 AM

yes he is

WLVRYN

09-25-2005, 12:40 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
So I ask OOT, is my friend a douchebag?

[/ QUOTE ]

No, but his is.

[/ QUOTE ]

Just curious, why do you think this? This situation bothers me because we are good friends, so I want to make sure I'm not being a douche myself.

Also, the CD change was clearly his idea.

2+2 wannabe

09-25-2005, 12:41 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
So I ask OOT, is my friend a douchebag?

[/ QUOTE ]

No, but his is.

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

this doesn't even make sense

oddjob

09-25-2005, 12:42 AM

your friend is a douche bag.

i'd pay him, but would probably not be his friend after this. to me it's worth the $250 so that he would never have that over your head, and i'd also stress that he basically lost a friend over a lousy $250, so i hope it was worth it.

it's retarded that he'd lose a friend over something that's so stupid and obviously his fault for being such an ass licking retard.

gamblore99

09-25-2005, 12:43 AM

two weeks ago when I was drinking with friends the volunteer designated driver got a ticket for speeding, was something like 200. We all tried to chip in and give him money but he refused to take any. In summary my friends are awesome, and your friend is a big pile of horse feces.

WLVRYN

09-25-2005, 12:46 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

No, you are

(I didn't read the post)

[/ QUOTE ]

Now that's just not nice! Funny as hell, though. nh

If money was never a problem to you, and you were such wonderful friends for lo, these many years, why didn't you have a teensy conscience pang after you left him and offer, before being asked to chip in? Maybe you two aren't the bosom buds you've been thinking.

BTW, how come your wife didn't take you? Then you'd be pissed at her. And think of the wonderful "make-up sex" you could be having right now instead of posting this?

/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Wife was home with the kids (plus she was a little pissed I was leaving her with the kids for the weekend to go to a bachelor party).

I really did feel bad for him (and still do) so that's the reason for the post. If I didnt feel guilty at all, I wouldnt have posted. At the time, I didnt think it was my responsibility to pay for damages since it was his mistake that caused the incident, so I never though to offer, nor would I have asked him if the roles were reversed.

WLVRYN

09-25-2005, 12:49 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Before I left on my trip, my friend offered me a ride to the airport (and to pick me up when I get back) in exchange for me taking him (and picking him up) when he heads out of town in two weeks.

[/ QUOTE ]
This strikes me as strange. Doesn't sound like you're that great of friends.

GoT

[/ QUOTE ]

We live about 45 minutes from the airport, so its not a short little drive. I typically would just park at the airport, but the thought of paying $8 a day in parking seemed like a waste to both of us (his trip was for two weeks and mine was for the weekend, so he would have made out better by not paying for parking were it not for the $500 deductible).

Jimbo

09-25-2005, 12:52 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
So I ask OOT, is my friend a douchebag?

[/ QUOTE ]

No, but his is.

[/ QUOTE ]

Just curious, why do you think this? This situation bothers me because we are good friends, so I want to make sure I'm not being a douche myself.

Also, the CD change was clearly his idea.

[/ QUOTE ]

I should have offered ,my reasoning and not have been so quick to judge you. I would have offered to help with any expenses before I left to catch my plane. After reading your post again I see you were in quite a hurry so no you aren't a douchebag. However after having time to think about it you should have called him after your arrival and made the offer of financial assistance, particularly since it seems you can easily afford the $250.

Do you think he would offer you $250 if the situations were reversed?

B Dids

09-25-2005, 12:58 AM

rudedog78

09-25-2005, 01:09 AM

Give him the 500$ and tell him to go [censored] himself.

private joker

09-25-2005, 01:16 AM

1. Your friend is an as[/i]shole, not a douchebag. Douchebag is a great word that is overused, especially on OOT, and it doesn't apply here.

2. You don't owe this guy anything, but decide how much his friendship is worth to you. If you really think the friendship is over if you don't pay, and if you think it's worth spending $250 to keep it, then pay him the $250.

oddjob

09-25-2005, 01:27 AM

[ QUOTE ]
1. Your friend is an as[/i]shole, not a douchebag. Douchebag is a great word that is overused, especially on OOT, and it doesn't apply here.

2. You don't owe this guy anything, but decide how much his friendship is worth to you. If you really think the friendship is over if you don't pay, and if you think it's worth spending $250 to keep it, then pay him the $250.

[/ QUOTE ]

no friendship can be summed up in money. if someone is going to end a friendship over $5 or $5million, then it was not a real friendship.

Aytumious

09-25-2005, 01:30 AM

Unless you somehow distracted him or in some other way contributed to him crashing, you have no reason to pay him anything. He drove, he crashed, he pays.

09-25-2005, 01:31 AM

[ QUOTE ]

...so that's the reason for the post...

[/ QUOTE ]

OK, I'll back off and change my opinion of you. (I know that just makes you all giddy!)

You sound sincere and I believe you truly don't want to bust up a friendship. I don't blame you. Real friends are damned near impossible to find, much less keep.

The guy's being a tad unreasonable, not really thinking clearly about the effect this could have on your relationship and just might be having money problems.

Be the true friend. Suck it up (I know, the idea sux), tell him you've changed your mind and offer him the money. If he's a true friend, sooner or later (Utopia would be right then and there) I think he's going to feel bad, get honest with himself and accept that in truth the accident was his fault and full responsibility. If he's able, he'll return the money.

At some point in the not-too-distant future, your friendship is probably going to be tested again. Hopefully, for both of you, you work it out in a win-win manner.

Good luck.

09-25-2005, 01:33 AM

I think you should try and discuss this rationally. I find this is the best way to resolve monetary arguments with friends.

jdl22

09-25-2005, 01:41 AM

What is the gap in ability to pay? Is he going to have to not buy formula for his newborn because you aren't paying half?

If I were much better off than him or if he were going to have to stretch to pay I would pay half or even all if it were really extreme. I do think it's strange that he asked you to though.

siccjay

09-25-2005, 01:54 AM

You don't owe him [censored].

If he harrasses you about it enough, pay him the $250 and then [censored] his girl.

BTW you are no longer friends.

Hal 2000

09-25-2005, 02:05 AM

E-mail him a link to this thread.

Felix_Nietsche

09-25-2005, 02:06 AM

.........He should pay all of it himself. As the driver he was 100% responsible for driving safely.

If he is going to resort to emotional blackmail and drop your friendship then that is his problem. If you want to be the bigger man and give him $250 then I can understand. Perhaps he will realize later he was being a complete jackass for asking and eventually give it back.

Both choices are reasonable....UNLIKE your "friend".

ethan

09-25-2005, 02:10 AM

[ QUOTE ]
What if you were going to a movie you'd recommended? Or maybe to dinner with some people you knew but he didn't? Would he still be asking for the money then?

[/ QUOTE ]

No one's paid attention to me yet, maybe it'll work if I quote myself.

ChipWrecked

09-25-2005, 02:11 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Give him the 500$ and tell him to go [censored] himself.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hal 2000

09-25-2005, 02:16 AM

FWIW, I can't stand people who must ALWAYS have music playing in the car, even with at least one passenger that's able to carry on a conversation.

x2ski

09-25-2005, 02:22 AM

[ QUOTE ]
two weeks ago when I was drinking with friends the volunteer designated driver got a ticket for speeding, was something like 200. We all tried to chip in and give him money but he refused to take any. In summary my friends are awesome, and your friend is a big pile of horse feces.

[/ QUOTE ]

Agreed.

I have a few "friends" for whom I don't really care for because of their superiority complexes (enjoy ridiculing others to make them look better) and the fact that one of them still owes me $20 for a bag of schwag he was supposed to hook me up with at a phish show 10 years ago, and he never showed up (although he had a ticket).

Nevertheless, about 5 years ago one was driving the other's car from the bars (unfortunately, both were drunk; fortunately, I had walked home) back to my place for an after-bar when he took a suburban street corner at 45mph, rammed the curb, destroyed the front end and slid to a rest in one of my neighbors' front yard.

Obviously, everyone scattered and didn't return to the scene until the next morning. My other friend (who doesn't owe me money), took all the heat because it was his car (although the driver [dude who DOES owe me money], offered to help out). This included higher insurance premiums for who knows how long.

I prefer to refer to them as acquaintances, but they still seem like better "friends" than your's will ever be.

I wouldn't even pay him to get him off my back. just cease all contact with the dude.

ethan

09-25-2005, 02:41 AM

MyTurn2Raise

09-25-2005, 02:44 AM

The only fair thing to do is similarly wreck your car on his trip to the airport

JackWilson

09-25-2005, 03:18 AM

Yes, your friend is a douchebag. But if you want to stay friends with this guy (a good idea) you should try and ignore that fact. You might be able to reason with him, else I think you might just have to suck it up. It's not worth ruining a friendship over something like this. If he keeps pulling stunts like this tho...

Tuco

09-25-2005, 03:47 AM

Dbag.

1. Give him the $250
2. Tell him you don't ever want to see or talk to him again.
3. Go about the rest of your life

Tuco.

09-25-2005, 06:11 AM

Its completely his fault. Dont give him anything. He's trying to guilt you into giving you money, when he is the only one at fault.

mblax10

09-25-2005, 11:56 AM

Your friend is a douche bag for requesting money, I can't imagine ever doing it. But if he was really you're friend why wouldn't you offer to help him out? Did you call him when you got to the airport or when you landed to check on his car, if he got home etc?

When I was in college my roomate and I were driving back from a concert. He got pulled over for speeding, and the cop found my weed and bowl in the glove compartnment. The cop asked what of it was mine and I said pretty much all of it. For some reason (probably because it was in my hometown and he was from out of state and looks black (actually Maltese but very dark skinned)) the cop did nothing to me and my friend ended up with about $2000 in fines.

Even though I had no real income at the time, I offered to help out as best I could for a while. Yes, it was my weed, but his fault for going 45 in a 25 right by the donut shop (I wish I was joking). And also his fault for allowing the cop to search his car.

I know my story isn't identical, but the moral is, I had no obligation to pay for anything, but I felt bad and this was a good friend of mine, so I offered to help out. Instead of blaming each other, we just took care of the situation, got past it and are still close friends today. Like others have mentioned, from your story I'm not sure how good of friends you two really are.

STLantny

09-25-2005, 12:01 PM

Uh, are you serious? You bring an illegal substance in someone elses car, and you try to put any blame on him?
Its a completely different situation, if i were your friend, you would be paying me the whole 2000$ for the fines. The guy who got in the accident, its the kid that is driving's fault.

And before you bring xenophobic cops into it with this:
The cop asked what of it was mine and I said pretty much all of it. For some reason (probably because it was in my hometown and he was from out of state and looks black (actually Maltese but very dark skinned)) the cop did nothing to me and my friend ended up with about $2000 in fines.

By law, it is considered his substance, because it is in his car, in his glove box, no matter what you say.

HopeydaFish

09-25-2005, 12:04 PM

You don't need friends like this. It's unfortunate that you feel attached to him due to all your history together, but I think you should really end the friendship. Think of it this way: He has valued your friendship at $250...in that if you don't give in to his blackmail, he'll stop being friends with you. That's not a real friend.

BigBaitsim (milo)

09-25-2005, 12:43 PM

Your friend is a douchebag.

RunDownHouse

09-25-2005, 12:52 PM

[ QUOTE ]
FWIW, I can't stand people who must ALWAYS have music playing in the car, even with at least one passenger that's able to carry on a conversation.

[/ QUOTE ]
FWIW, I can't stand people who must ALWAYS be having a conversation in the car, especially when its just patter so there aren't gaps with only the radio playing.

benza13

09-25-2005, 01:19 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
FWIW, I can't stand people who must ALWAYS have music playing in the car, even with at least one passenger that's able to carry on a conversation.

[/ QUOTE ]
FWIW, I can't stand people who must ALWAYS be having a conversation in the car, especially when its just patter so there aren't gaps with only the radio playing.

[/ QUOTE ]

NH!

benza13

09-25-2005, 01:23 PM

As someone already noted, this is an entirely different situation. If you didn't offer to help with the fines on that one then you would be the douchebag. In the OPs case, he is under no obligation whatsoever to pay his "friend" anything.

Think of it this way: What if he got into an accident right after dropping you off? The accident still occurred when he was driving because of you, but now you weren't in the car. Would you feel obligated to pay then? Of course not, so don't feel obligated just because you were in the car and he can't drive and change a cd at the same time.

Sightless

09-25-2005, 01:24 PM

What he was doing you was not a FAVOR it was a service which you would repay in the near future. Since it was his OWN fault you got into an accident you owe him nothing -_-

peterchi

09-25-2005, 01:44 PM

His request is unreasonable. Yes he is being an ass.

My roommate got a speeding ticket while driving me home from the airport. I felt bad but I offered nothing and he asked for nothing. Then a couple months later, he got another speeding ticket while driving us home from AC. He still didn't ask for anything, but the next day I bought him dinner.

Although really it was one of those situations like from Family Guy... "Peter, if I take you to the hospital, you just won't learn anything from this." He really does drive like a hyperactive monkey on crack.

Anyways, yes, your friend is incorrect here. That said, I'd hate to end a friendship over one incident. I'd say give him the money consider backing off on your friendship with him for a bit while things cool off. Then see if he's back to normal a little later.

captZEEbo1

09-25-2005, 01:56 PM

everyone saying pay him the $250 AND end the relationship are idiots. If you're gonna end the relationship, keep the $250.

WLVRYN

09-25-2005, 02:10 PM

Thanks everyone for the feedback. After reading the responses, I decided that even though I think he's being a douche, he's still a good friend, so I offered to pay my half. The irony is, when his wife found out this morning (they came over to watch football today), she ripped up the check and told him he was being a douche (not in so many words, but you get the point).

My buddy is now pissed at his wife and not me, and I still have my $250. I feel like Earl when the lottery ticket mysteriously blew back to him.

Sponger15SB

09-25-2005, 02:17 PM

[ QUOTE ]
everyone saying pay him the $250 AND end the relationship are idiots. If you're gonna end the relationship, keep the $250.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, and he should be able to buy several used mattresses from thrift shops with that money.

Sponger15SB

09-25-2005, 02:20 PM

TheBlueMonster

09-25-2005, 02:30 PM

He probably feels like you abandoned him in a stressful situation. I'm sure he was upset about the accident and wan't thinking that you needed to get to your flight. All he was thinking was that you left him in a moment of stress. Obviously the money isn't the issue.

PokerBob

09-25-2005, 02:33 PM

i think he's just an idiot.

Felix_Nietsche

09-25-2005, 02:34 PM

His wife must have a monopoly on the brains in that family. I'm sure your friend has other positive attributes to compensate for his lack of brains....

321Mike

09-25-2005, 03:28 PM

I had a similar experience. A friend and I went out to San Francisco for a wedding and shared a hotel room. We agreed he would put the room on his credit card and we would settle up when we got back home. The second night we're there, he decides he wants the TV in a different location so he tries to move it. He was quite drunk and the result was a smashed TV. The hotel wound up charging him $600 for it. We get home and I go over to settle the bill and he asks me for $550. He explains that the total bill, including the TV, was $1100 so my half is $550. I wasn't even in the room when he broke the TV so there was no way I was paying for half. We argued and I wound up walking out without paying him anything.

Later, I started thinking about why he would ask me for the money I clearly shouldn't owe. He seemed to spend pretty freely and had a nice apartment so I always assumed he was in good shape financially. Then I thought that maybe he was an idiot with money and was spending money he really couldn't afford. Maybe his wife didn't come to the wedding because they couldn't afford an extra plane ticket (I had previously assumed it was because she just didn't like his college buddies). Maybe he split a hotel room with me because he was broke, but didn't want to seem that way. I started to imagine that maybe he couldn't pay his rent this month if I didn't give him the $550 and that's why he was being such a jerk.

I called him up and told him I would give him the $550. He was happy and told me to stop by the next day. I went the next day and gave him the $550 feeling like a really good friend for helping my buddy out and saving his pride. He took the money, said thanks, and then took me out to the garage to show me something and this exchange occurred:

Douchebag: Check it out, I bought a Harley!
Me: Umm, why are there two?
Douchebag: My wife said she might want to learn to ride so I bought one for her!

At that point, I did not punch him in the face and take my money back, but I have always wished that I had.