Post College Depression

I had originally post this in my blog (http://jonspkerblog.blogspot.com) but I figured I might as well through it in the psychology forum as it might help some people, or I might get some good comments. Or it might go unnoticed with 50 views and no responses. Either way is OK.


I have been reading a lot about people getting caught up in playing poker for a living and losing sight of important aspects of life. I was feeling the same way.

I apologize for the shitty writing, but this isn't meant to be a heavily edited piece of work. Just some random thoughts I felt like typing out.
------------------
Post College Depression

I want to take a minute and discuss some things that I've been thinking about a lot lately. When I was in college I was taught a lot of things about life, and I was given the education I needed to get a job. My entire childhood focused around going to high school...then going to college...then getting a job...then saving enough money to be happy...then being happy. And that's it. That's what adults, from parents to teachers to coaches, tell kids as they are growing up. Get a job, and everything will take care of itself.

What they don't tell you is that getting a job, or making money, does not equal being happy. Getting a job helps, and being financially secure goes a long way in giving one the freedom to do different things, but it does not mean everything.

I am making enough money playing poker that I should not have been depressed over the last few months. Yet I was. The words I am writing cannot begin to express what I've been feeling since I graduated school back in May. The fufillment that everyone told me would be there after I ended school just wasn't there. And I know I am not alone in this.

The constant questions that surrounded my thoughts were haunting. I was having nightmares for the first time in my life. Waking up in a cold sweat. Questioning my purpose in life. Thinking about where my life was going. I was getting urges to "gamble" for the first time , and I mean gamble outside of poker on games I could never win. I was starting to think that maybe a quick hit would make me happy. One quick hit and I could start a business, and I'd be happy. It took all of my energy to supress these feelings, and I kept reminding myself that if I wanted to play poker I couldn't stray from the path.

I am not one to talk about feelings, but I felt like I was blowing up inside. I needed to tell somebody. I tried telling one friend, but when I started she told me she didn't want to know what I was thinking. I thought maybe that was a blessing in disguise, that if I just let it drop it would go away, but it didn't. A few days later it was still hautning me, and I really just needed to talk to someone. So at the beginning of the week, one night when I was overtired and just wrapping up my nightly poker session, I began chatting on AIM to a friend in LA. When I mentioned what I was feeling, she told me that she was feeling exactly the same way. We talked for a while and I began to feel better about myself. I wasn't alone. In fact, I realized that many recent grads were feeling the same way. It's just a natural part of moving on.

I felt a lot better since then. It's amazing how much a little conversation can help one's perspective. I also realized that many of my activities are "alone" activities that are contributing to how I was feeling. I play poker, play my guitar, write short stories as a hobby, and even the sport I love to play, racquetball, isn't the most vocal sport in the world.

I took a trip up to foxwoods on Tuesday to play poker. They have a great 5/10 game with a kill that plays more like party's .5/1. I found that playing poker with other people, people I can actually talk to, is a great way to avoid the grind of staring at a computer screen, listening to music, and having conversations on AIM.

I'm also thinking of volunteering at the nursing home my mother works at, just a few hours a week, to have an activity where I interact with others. I was thinking about a part time job but I don't really need the crappy pay I'd be getting and I don't want to be committed to certain hours each week.

For my last thing I'll just say this. I really feel the key to life is forming and maintaining relationships. And not just sexual relationships. I mean relationships with friends and family. Next time your at the table don't be afraid to ask the person next to you where he is from. Say hello to the stranger in the elevator. Smile to the grocery store cashier as she rings up your food. Send a random message to old friends and ask how they are doing. I am finding these things go a long way in life, and I feel that everything else will just fall into place.

[BluffTHIS!]

Why not look for a church to go to this Sunday? You just might find a greater purpose that will give your life greater meaning and put everything else into perspective.

I don't go to church for my own personal reasons which I am not going to get into at this point.

But I thank you for the suggestions. I spent 10 years getting a Catholic and Jesuit education, and I am Greek Orthodox and help out a at the Church festival and other various activities, but I do not attend.

Going to church is not for everyone, but everyone should try to go at some point. I have seen many lives turn around for the better through the church.

[JohnnyHumongous]

I myself recently graduated from college. If it's any consolation, I've been brutally depressed for much of the last 4 years (my college years by no small coincidence). It got to the point where I 'learned' how to be depressed, and being depressed and leading the kind of life where I am depressed became my routine. I was basically killing time in college until I could graduate and then start "living" and "be happy" as your post suggests. I guess I'm closer to being happy, but it's still not all together.

For me, the major source of pain and problems in my life has been poor sleep. Again and again, I find myself sleepy, half-awake, frustrated and moody, all due to my sleep deprivation. And as a young person, just about everyone in the planet, including myself, expects me to be able to function at peak performance no matter how much sleep I've gotten. In the rest of my life, I really have it all. I have a job that is like a waking dream, I am doing very well at poker, I have all kinds of nice things, I lead an interesting and rich life, I have terrific friends and family who call me and visit on a regular basis. Yet, I can often feel horribly depressed. And the reason always goes back to sleep deprivation.

OK enough rambling for now, time to get back to work... best of luck.

It's funny, but sleeping problems are something that have never bothered me. I make a point to try and get in an hour of excersie everyday, so by the time it gets late at night my body is usually exhausted.

Have you tried going for a run during the day, or after work? Working out at the gym is great, but you should also try and get in arobic excercise, like running for over 15 minutes, not just anarobic exercise, such as lifting weights.

For those of you who PM'd me about what I wrote, feel free to respond to my post publically, though I understand how some would want this keep their feelings private.


I also encourage you to post on my blog so other people besides 2+2ers can read what you have to say.

Thanks again guys,
Jon C

[wdeadwyler]

Im kinda feeling the samy way right now in college. Here I am, my junior year, the prime of my college days, and things just arent going as well as they could. Its not even like things are bad, I just get this intagible feeling they are not as good as they could be.

I agree with the original poster. Maintaining and developing relationships is VERY important. I feel like a lot of my despression stems from a lack of a relationship with a girl. I have never been able to seriously connect with a member from the opposite sex, ie emotionally. Im only 20 but I have not yet even had a serious gf. These things bother me. I tell myself that time will take care of everything, but I dont know anymore.

I just dont know where my life is going. When I graduate from college, how will things be different? WHat will change? I am scared of the future and scared of becoming an adult. This process of growing up is the scariest thing that has ever happened to me.


There, I laid it all out there. This post really inspired me.

[gildwulf]

You should really check out http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/

It's a great site and your story is similar to a lot of people's lives on there.

Good luck.

I have been a lurker/avid reader of the 2+2 forums for awhile now via Mr. Harrington's suggestion and this post hit close enough to home for me to encourage my first post. I cannot tell you guys in this thread how tough it is to grow up and become an adult. I have friends who are drug addicts, have gotten mutliple DUI's, and battling alcoholism. They are all our age, roughly 20-24 and have found it to be very difficult to deal with the prospects of making a life of their own. I don't have as serious problems as some of my friends but I am by no means a saint and find it difficult at times with the big questions that face our age group. Who am I, what do I really want with my life, do I really want to be in school right now, etc are things I think about everyday. I am actually taking a year off of school right now and working at a real job, saving money to try and figure out what I truly want with my life. I play poker quite often, and play guitar at least 3 hours a day. The things I truly love to do, poker and guitar are what brings me fulfillment, not any sort of false ideal of a person that anyone wants me to be (ie some businessman working 60 hours a week for the man). I don't know, I'm rambling but it sure is nice to know that we are all in somewhat of the same struggle and not alone in our fears and thoughts. My 2 cents.

Clark

[dibbs]

This isn't going to be too coherent as it is 5:30 AM and the alcohol and ambien are kicking in, but I think you'll get the gist.


Many of the people I know that I consider to be very intelligent seem to struggle greatly with the conflict of what society wants out of them and what they really want. You seem to be aware of this idea, yet you say "I am making enough money playing poker that I should not have been depressed over the last few months." Financial stability is a great thing, but if in acquiring this you realize you are unhappy it's just not worth it. Not just for poker, but for socially accepted and praised jobs as well. Even if you really nail an interview with a very respectable company, get a great job right out of college, and gain the adknowledgement from the community as a succesful and rich person, are you really a success if you're miserable?

Funny how since around junior year in high school I remember feeling the pressure of figuring out what my occupuation would be. Even in college, some people just don't have a solid idea of what they would want to do with their life, and the pressure that has been applied and building for quite some time may lead them to think there is something wrong with them, that their life may end up a directionless failure. The idea of which lives would be considered failures and which would be considered successes are defintions created by society. Having the balls to realize and stand by what is the best thing for yourself, the individual, I think isn't seen nearly enough.

It should go without saying that people who know what they want to do with their life and quickly find a vocation and path are not weak minded or brainwashed by society. I envy those that know what they want and have no exceptional problem finding it, I wish I had that.

I do agree that surrounding yourself with good friends and family is an incredibly important thing, finding people you really connect with is a rare occurence and once you have it you hold on to it. As for your friend who didn't want to hear what you had to say, doesn't sound like much of a friend, but I don't know them of course, so just a thought.

Just find what makes you happy, a comfortable lifestyle that's good for you and that's it. Some people crave stability, some need to have their backs to the wall and their feet dangling off the edge. Some need to be surrounded by people, others reflecting by themselves on a lake somewhere in seclusion. It's cliche as fck, but life's too short to worry about it, but I know some of us just can't help it.

[PhatCasino]

[ QUOTE ]
I am making enough money playing poker that I should not have been depressed over the last few months. Yet I was.

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe your just naturally depressed and need some drugs



[ QUOTE ]
One quick hit and I could start a business, and I'd be happy

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude, that ain't ever gonna happen in a casino

[ QUOTE ]
We talked for a while and I began to feel better about myself. I wasn't alone.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah a conversation on AIM could work magic - go out and get some pussy if you feel so alone.


[ QUOTE ]
I'm also thinking of volunteering at the nursing home my mother works at, just a few hours a week, to have an activity where I interact with others.

[/ QUOTE ]

Umm? Yeah, if you wanna wash old people or something... Try enrolling at some bullshit college grad courses - maybe once a week - making the objective not grades - but "interacting w/ others" or better yet? get a job, you loser

[ QUOTE ]
Smile to the grocery store cashier as she rings up your food

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, and think to yourself - that might be me one day - imagine my depression then.


[ QUOTE ]
I feel that everything else will just fall into place.

[/ QUOTE ]

Better get over this crap first - good luck!

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I am making enough money playing poker that I should not have been depressed over the last few months. Yet I was.

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe your just naturally depressed and need some drugs



[ QUOTE ]
One quick hit and I could start a business, and I'd be happy

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude, that ain't ever gonna happen in a casino

[ QUOTE ]
We talked for a while and I began to feel better about myself. I wasn't alone.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah a conversation on AIM could work magic - go out and get some pussy if you feel so alone.


[ QUOTE ]
I'm also thinking of volunteering at the nursing home my mother works at, just a few hours a week, to have an activity where I interact with others.

[/ QUOTE ]

Umm? Yeah, if you wanna wash old people or something... Try enrolling at some bullshit college grad courses - maybe once a week - making the objective not grades - but "interacting w/ others" or better yet? get a job, you loser

[ QUOTE ]
Smile to the grocery store cashier as she rings up your food

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, and think to yourself - that might be me one day - imagine my depression then.


[ QUOTE ]
I feel that everything else will just fall into place.

[/ QUOTE ]

Better get over this crap first - good luck!

[/ QUOTE ]

You are an idiot. This has nothing to do with feeling alone, it has to do with figuring out where I want my life to go.

I got into grad school, two in fact, but defferred them for a year because I was unsure if that was the direction I wanted to take. I'm not living in a house by myself feeling like my life is worthless. I have two great roomates, great friends from school, and awesome parents who, when I told them I was going to take time off from school and work to play poker for a few months, said "go for it. you are young, now's the time to do it"

I was simply questioning my feelings now versus what I had expected when I graduated.

If you think that volunteering is worthless you are a selfish prick, no offense. When in high school I was forced to volunteer, a Jesuit school graduation requirement, and the experience was great. I worked at a homeless shelter a few times and a nursing home a few times, not washing old people but talking to them for a few minutes when a lot of their family members won't. Sometimes those people remember a five minute conversation for months.

You should try it sometime.

I think you missed the point of the post. This has nothing to do with having no friends and being alone, it was the feeling of "missing" something. Once I opened up to my friend and she said "yeah, it's normal. I feel that way too. A lot of people do", I realized I wasn't alone.

The PM's and great responses I got to this post only support my feelings.

But on a side note, I never understand why people like writing posts to trash other poeple. Like, does it turn you on? Do you go tell your friends how cool you are? Do you sit at the computer and think, oh my god I got him so good?

Just wondering,
Have a nice day.

[ QUOTE ]
This isn't going to be too coherent as it is 5:30 AM and the alcohol and ambien are kicking in, but I think you'll get the gist.


Many of the people I know that I consider to be very intelligent seem to struggle greatly with the conflict of what society wants out of them and what they really want. You seem to be aware of this idea, yet you say "I am making enough money playing poker that I should not have been depressed over the last few months." Financial stability is a great thing, but if in acquiring this you realize you are unhappy it's just not worth it. Not just for poker, but for socially accepted and praised jobs as well. Even if you really nail an interview with a very respectable company, get a great job right out of college, and gain the adknowledgement from the community as a succesful and rich person, are you really a success if you're miserable?

Funny how since around junior year in high school I remember feeling the pressure of figuring out what my occupuation would be. Even in college, some people just don't have a solid idea of what they would want to do with their life, and the pressure that has been applied and building for quite some time may lead them to think there is something wrong with them, that their life may end up a directionless failure. The idea of which lives would be considered failures and which would be considered successes are defintions created by society. Having the balls to realize and stand by what is the best thing for yourself, the individual, I think isn't seen nearly enough.

It should go without saying that people who know what they want to do with their life and quickly find a vocation and path are not weak minded or brainwashed by society. I envy those that know what they want and have no exceptional problem finding it, I wish I had that.

I do agree that surrounding yourself with good friends and family is an incredibly important thing, finding people you really connect with is a rare occurence and once you have it you hold on to it. As for your friend who didn't want to hear what you had to say, doesn't sound like much of a friend, but I don't know them of course, so just a thought.

Just find what makes you happy, a comfortable lifestyle that's good for you and that's it. Some people crave stability, some need to have their backs to the wall and their feet dangling off the edge. Some need to be surrounded by people, others reflecting by themselves on a lake somewhere in seclusion. It's cliche as fck, but life's too short to worry about it, but I know some of us just can't help it.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think you are dead on with a lot of the things you wrote here. I think there is a ton of pressure on college students to get a solid job and start making money right away. I am finding this is compounded by friends who got high paying jobs and quietly let it slip how much they make. However, very few poeple I know who have recently graduated feel content with their lives, and even those with high paying jobs are constantly trying to improve...constantly trying to reach some invisiable standard set by American society.

Last summer I went with a group of friends to the Greek Islands for a week and a half. I was studying in Italy at the time, and I was already seeing the vast differences in European life vs. American life. So anyways, for a few days we are on the island of Santorini, staying in a hotel right on the beach. The owner of the hotel (which was rather small, fifteen rooms), got up everyday and worked in his garden. Then he ate lunch, went to the ferry to pick up more people, and spent the afternoon back in the garden. He was the happiest man I'd ever seen. All day, worked in his garden and seemed not to have a care in the world. I think it's easy to get caught up on what we should have or what advertisements and commercials tell us we want, opposed to what we need.

Where I said "I was making enough not to be depressed" was a pretty shitty description on my part of what I meant to say. I should have edited this better before I wrote it. What I meant was, I am extremely happy in my choice to take a few months to play poker. It was given me the flexability to relax for a few months without the pressures of school or a stable job. What I am realizing is that while being financially stable is an important stepping stone for any post grad, it should not sole purpose of going through life.

At first I thought "If I can make enough money everything will fall into place." Now I'm thinking, "If I build and maintain my relationships everything will fall into place".

Lastly, I should not of mentioned that side note about the friend who didn't want to hear it. There is tons more to that story that is not related to this post, but she is a great friend and has been for years.

Thanks for your post.

Jon

[scalf]

/images/graemlins/grin.gif if ya ant real relationships; i doubt you make many at a poker table..

gl

tends to be an artificial way for people to get together; but draws people who have trouble with real relationships....; no, not everyone...lol..but a nice %

jmho

gl

/images/graemlins/ooo.gif /images/graemlins/heart.gif

[ QUOTE ]
You are an idiot. This has nothing to do with feeling alone, it has to do with figuring out where I want my life to go.

[/ QUOTE ]
I think he was trying to be funny.

Not that he actually was funny, but I think he was trying.

[ckmo]

I'm kind of in the same situation except I have a stable job but with each day I realize more that its not taking me where I want to go. I graduated college with a few engineering degrees and took the standard route of finding a job. My advice to you would be to take as long as you need to figure out what you really want to do especially if you can support yourself from poker for awhile. Doing something you don't like everyday is definitely not worth it. Hope you figure it out man.

[Subfallen]

[ QUOTE ]
You should really check out http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/

It's a great site and your story is similar to a lot of people's lives on there.

Good luck.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm going to cross-post this in OOT. Sorry.

[PhatCasino]

[ QUOTE ]
I never understand why people like writing posts to trash other poeple. Like, does it turn you on?

[/ QUOTE ]

It's fun.. It's also fun to see how whinos like you take the world too darn seriously.

Go overanalyze the tells on the the bum you feed at the homeless shelter who is now schooling you in 2-4 or the old lady who you spoke to about the nixon presidency who's now kicking your ass with 53... soooted..

wait? she'll remember that nixon coversation for a hot minute now...
hahahah

jesuit education? go into the priesthood - maybe that's your calling

/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Cyrus]

[ QUOTE ]
Last summer I went with a group of friends to the Greek Islands for a week and a half. I was studying in Italy at the time, and I was already seeing the vast differences in European life vs. American life.
<font color="white"> . </font>
So anyways, for a few days we are on the island of Santorini, staying in a hotel right on the beach. The owner of the hotel (which was rather small, fifteen rooms), got up everyday and worked in his garden. Then he ate lunch, went to the ferry to pick up more people, and spent the afternoon back in the garden. He was the happiest man I'd ever seen. All day, worked in his garden and seemed not to have a care in the world. I think it's easy to get caught up on what we should have or what advertisements and commercials tell us we want, opposed to what we need.

[/ QUOTE ]

Not for nothing were the Aegean islands and the Aegean Coast (now West Turkey) the cradles of philosophy.

Took you only ten days.

[Buck_65]

[ QUOTE ]
Im kinda feeling the samy way right now in college. Here I am, my junior year, the prime of my college days, and things just arent going as well as they could. Its not even like things are bad, I just get this intagible feeling they are not as good as they could be.

I agree with the original poster. Maintaining and developing relationships is VERY important. I feel like a lot of my despression stems from a lack of a relationship with a girl. I have never been able to seriously connect with a member from the opposite sex, ie emotionally. Im only 20 but I have not yet even had a serious gf. These things bother me. I tell myself that time will take care of everything, but I dont know anymore.

I just dont know where my life is going. When I graduate from college, how will things be different? WHat will change? I am scared of the future and scared of becoming an adult. This process of growing up is the scariest thing that has ever happened to me.


There, I laid it all out there. This post really inspired me.

[/ QUOTE ]

Damn dude, same story here almost exactly. I'm depressed about 90% of the time and I'm too fucking shy to approach the women I actually desire. When it comes to the women I don't desire, I can't seem to get them to stop stalking me. I feel like I'm wasting SOOO many opportunities in life and this only makes me feel worse. Then I turn to marijuana which essentially shuts down my entire life. I suck.

goto www.wattstapes.com (http://www.wattstapes.com)

[college kid]

[ QUOTE ]
For me, the major source of pain and problems in my life has been poor sleep. Again and again, I find myself sleepy, half-awake, frustrated and moody, all due to my sleep deprivation. And as a young person, just about everyone in the planet, including myself, expects me to be able to function at peak performance no matter how much sleep I've gotten. In the rest of my life, I really have it all. I have a job that is like a waking dream, I am doing very well at poker, I have all kinds of nice things, I lead an interesting and rich life, I have terrific friends and family who call me and visit on a regular basis. Yet, I can often feel horribly depressed. And the reason always goes back to sleep deprivation.

[/ QUOTE ]

Careful!!! You have stumbled on the most preious gem--in fact the secret to a happy life as I know it. Don't go telling everbody! Seriously though, that is so f-ing true.

I salute you JohnnyHumongous, you are truly wise beyond your years.

[Darryl_P]

Sounds good to me. If it seems to be working then keep doing it I'd say...

I'm 38 now and went through a major depression spell from age 29 to 32. In a nutshell my problem was that society was pushing me to go in directions I didn't want to go, and I didn't know why. Making money was always easy (in terms of intellectual challenge, not necessarily energy output), but it always seemed like the wrong things were being rewarded. Basically to make decent money you had to either be a whore or sell your soul to the devil in some metaphorical way.

Then I stumbled on the Unabomber's Manifesto

http://www.thecourier.com/manifest.htm

It made me realize that you COULD reject everything modern society stands for, and still be an intelligent, valuable human being.

After a great deal of reflection, long discussions with friends, good and bad relationships with various women, I have finally reached a point where I can confidently represent the anti-society side and am able to articulate noble goals for myself and family.

I don't know if the same road is right for you, but just in case I thought I'd share my story and the UM.

Relying on poker for a living is stressful. If you don't thrive on stress its not a good idea.

Imagine working on an assembly line in a factory and doing exactly the same work every day, but the end of the week your paycheck is a random number, not revealed in advance.

Sometimes, its a nice fat paycheck, but sometimes, even though you work just as hard every week, its a negative number. The factory actually made YOU pay to work there that week. And they might do it again next week, you can't be sure...

[The Truth]

This thread is turning into fight club.

"We're the middle children of history, with no special purpose or place.
We don't have a great war in our generation, or a great depression.
The great depression is our lives. The great war is a spiritual war."

"We were raised by television to believe that someday we'll all be
millionaires and movie stars and rock stars -- but we won't. And we're
learning that fact."


-blake

[SirArthur]

Excellent analogy...

I'll have to remember this the next time I try to convey to someone just how stressful it is playing poker for a living.

[beekeeper]

Your post is very moving in its honesty. I am 10-15 years older than I'm guessing you must be, but I do remember the pressure I felt as my college graduation approached and immediately after I graduated. I don't know if it was society's expectations or my own, but I do recognize it now as the just the general pressure to be something. At that time I thought the period of my life that I was alloted to become something was over and it was time to be someone or something.

Well, now that I'm older I realize that there aren't really mile markers that tell you when you've become the person you're supposed to be. Being happy, and being "someone" takes work, and you never reach a moment when you can stop working and say, "well, I'm here now, I can relax." Every time you figure one thing out, life throws you another curve, and you have to figure something else out. But this is a good thing because once you realize that you can never "master" life, you're free to be happy with who you are at the stage of life you're in at the moment.

Good luck. Never forget that anything worth having is worth working for, including happiness, and self-acceptance.

[Marlow]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm also thinking of volunteering at the nursing home my mother works at, just a few hours a week, to have an activity where I interact with others. I was thinking about a part time job but I don't really need the crappy pay I'd be getting and I don't want to be committed to certain hours each week.

For my last thing I'll just say this. I really feel the key to life is forming and maintaining relationships. And not just sexual relationships. I mean relationships with friends and family. Next time your at the table don't be afraid to ask the person next to you where he is from. Say hello to the stranger in the elevator. Smile to the grocery store cashier as she rings up your food. Send a random message to old friends and ask how they are doing. I am finding these things go a long way in life, and I feel that everything else will just fall into place.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hi there. For someone who does nto discuss your feelings, this is pretty good soul-searching. Specifically, I like these last two paragraphs that I've quoted above. Yes, do volunteer. Helping other people will bring your peace in a way that money can never do. Also, I think that your seeing that personal relationships are so crucial is quite mature. Cultivate the relationships that you have, and strive to be a good person in the world. Happiness and fulfillment are simple things. But it's hard and complicated work to get there sometimes.

gl2u

Marlow

[octop]

Im a terrible example
I gradauted college and [censored] off for a few months planning to scalp Yankees playoff tickets in October and then get a job.
Then I learned how to play poker. Then I discovered bonuses and multitabling. I have no motivation to get a job at all and Im not depressed in the least.
Sometimes I take a bad beat in a huge NL pot and im not too happy so I just look in my neteller account. Happiness back.

[ QUOTE ]
This thread is turning into fight club.

"We're the middle children of history, with no special purpose or place.
We don't have a great war in our generation, or a great depression.
The great depression is our lives. The great war is a spiritual war."

"We were raised by television to believe that someday we'll all be
millionaires and movie stars and rock stars -- but we won't. And we're
learning that fact."


-blake

[/ QUOTE ]

Haunted is a better book, IMO. The entire book is filled with quotes like this about the meaning of life.

[ QUOTE ]
Relying on poker for a living is stressful. If you don't thrive on stress its not a good idea.

Imagine working on an assembly line in a factory and doing exactly the same work every day, but the end of the week your paycheck is a random number, not revealed in advance.

Sometimes, its a nice fat paycheck, but sometimes, even though you work just as hard every week, its a negative number. The factory actually made YOU pay to work there that week. And they might do it again next week, you can't be sure...

[/ QUOTE ]

This is a great analogy. It is not really the stress of poker that bothers me, as I have lots of back up plans/finances that I'm not too worried about failure.

My other two jobs I had in college were working selling electronics completely on commission, so I've never actually had a steady paycheck. I wouldn't want it any other way.

I worked at Circuit City back when salespeople were on commission, and if someone brought something back it came off your totals for that day. There were days I worked 10 hours and sold -5,000 dollars worth of stuff. However, in the long run I made three times as much as I possibly could have imagined. It was a good summer.

I love the feeling that the harder you work the better you get paid. Commission based pay is the way to go for me, though most people will disagree.

Life is lovely when your not busy.

[Supersetoy]

[ QUOTE ]
Sounds good to me. If it seems to be working then keep doing it I'd say...

I'm 38 now and went through a major depression spell from age 29 to 32. In a nutshell my problem was that society was pushing me to go in directions I didn't want to go, and I didn't know why. Making money was always easy (in terms of intellectual challenge, not necessarily energy output), but it always seemed like the wrong things were being rewarded. Basically to make decent money you had to either be a whore or sell your soul to the devil in some metaphorical way.

Then I stumbled on the Unabomber's Manifesto

http://www.thecourier.com/manifest.htm

It made me realize that you COULD reject everything modern society stands for, and still be an intelligent, valuable human being.

After a great deal of reflection, long discussions with friends, good and bad relationships with various women, I have finally reached a point where I can confidently represent the anti-society side and am able to articulate noble goals for myself and family.

I don't know if the same road is right for you, but just in case I thought I'd share my story and the UM.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd just like to say that I can't believe I've read through most of this already. But I thought this was interesting/relating to poker:

[ QUOTE ]
41. For many if not most people, surrogate activities are less satisfying than the pursuit of real goals ( that is, goals that people would want to attain even if their need for the power process were already fulfilled). One indication of this is the fact that, in many or most cases, people who are deeply involved in surrogate activities are never satisfied, never at rest. Thus the money-maker constantly strives for more and more wealth. The scientist no sooner solves one problem than he moves on to the next. The long-distance runner drives himself to run always farther and faster. Many people who pursue surrogate activities will say that they get far more fulfillment from these activities than they do from the "mundane" business of satisfying their biological needs, but that it is because in our society the effort needed to satisfy the biological needs has been reduced to triviality. More importantly, in our society people do not satisfy their biological needs AUTONOMOUSLY but by functioning as parts of an immense social machine. In contrast, people generally have a great deal of autonomy in pursuing their surrogate activities.

[/ QUOTE ]

[PhatCasino]

[ QUOTE ]

I worked at Circuit City back when salespeople were on commission, and if someone brought something back it came off your totals for that day. There were days I worked 10 hours and sold -5,000 dollars worth of stuff. However, in the long run I made three times as much as I possibly could have imagined. It was a good summer.

I love the feeling that the harder you work the better you get paid. Commission based pay is the way to go for me, though most people will disagree.

[/ QUOTE ]

whooohooo circut city... yeah you always have that as a backup to poker.. nice option /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[Aytumious]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

I worked at Circuit City back when salespeople were on commission, and if someone brought something back it came off your totals for that day. There were days I worked 10 hours and sold -5,000 dollars worth of stuff. However, in the long run I made three times as much as I possibly could have imagined. It was a good summer.

I love the feeling that the harder you work the better you get paid. Commission based pay is the way to go for me, though most people will disagree.

[/ QUOTE ]

whooohooo circut city... yeah you always have that as a backup to poker.. nice option /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Why don't you [censored] off?

Just ignore him.

To clear it up for others, my backup to poker is continuing my original plan by going to the grad school which I already got into. Circuit City, back when they were paying on commission, was a great place to work. Many salespeople worked there as a full time job and made enough to support a wife and kids....




Actually I got some good news tonight. A track coach of a local high school offered me a position coaching their throwers. The pay will be insignificant in the grand scheme of this year, probably a few thousand bucks for the winter and spring, but this takes care of the "I'm kind of bored during the day and I need something to focus on" problem. I would have done it for free if they wanted me to, as I have volunteered coaching there in the past. I'm pretty excited.

The next is a family friend is opening a bar nearby and is looking for someone to bartend part time. This might be a perfect job for some extra cash where I can make my own schedule/work nights.

Things seem to be coming together. Hopefully Alantic City this week and weekend can be friendly.

[Darryl_P]

I agree. Poker is the mundane business of satisfying biological needs while most so-called real jobs are surrogate activities.

IMO it's much better to focus on what really matters, even if there is a lot of down time and boredom involved, than to constantly fool yourself into believing that what you're doing is important when it's not.

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I am making enough money playing poker that I should not have been depressed over the last few months. Yet I was.

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe your just naturally depressed and need some drugs



[ QUOTE ]
One quick hit and I could start a business, and I'd be happy

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude, that ain't ever gonna happen in a casino

[ QUOTE ]
We talked for a while and I began to feel better about myself. I wasn't alone.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah a conversation on AIM could work magic - go out and get some pussy if you feel so alone.


[ QUOTE ]
I'm also thinking of volunteering at the nursing home my mother works at, just a few hours a week, to have an activity where I interact with others.

[/ QUOTE ]

Umm? Yeah, if you wanna wash old people or something... Try enrolling at some bullshit college grad courses - maybe once a week - making the objective not grades - but "interacting w/ others" or better yet? get a job, you loser

[ QUOTE ]
Smile to the grocery store cashier as she rings up your food

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, and think to yourself - that might be me one day - imagine my depression then.


[ QUOTE ]
I feel that everything else will just fall into place.

[/ QUOTE ]

Better get over this crap first - good luck!

[/ QUOTE ]


wow this guy's a dick

[PhatCasino]

[ QUOTE ]

Actually I got some good news tonight. A track coach of a local high school offered me a position coaching their throwers. The pay will be insignificant in the grand scheme of this year, probably a few thousand bucks for the winter and spring, but this takes care of the "I'm kind of bored during the day and I need something to focus on" problem. I would have done it for free if they wanted me to, as I have volunteered coaching there in the past. I'm pretty excited. The next is a family friend is opening a bar nearby and is looking for someone to bartend part time. This might be a perfect job for some extra cash where I can make my own schedule/work nights. Things seem to be coming together. Hopefully Alantic City this week and weekend can be friendly.

[/ QUOTE ]

ok so i guess we know everything about you now, your whole damn life story, haha - except maybe how often you take a crap. I'ma guess once every few days cuz you seem to be full of it /images/graemlins/club.gif

[gildwulf]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I am making enough money playing poker that I should not have been depressed over the last few months. Yet I was.

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe your just naturally depressed and need some drugs



[ QUOTE ]
One quick hit and I could start a business, and I'd be happy

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude, that ain't ever gonna happen in a casino

[ QUOTE ]
We talked for a while and I began to feel better about myself. I wasn't alone.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah a conversation on AIM could work magic - go out and get some pussy if you feel so alone.


[ QUOTE ]
I'm also thinking of volunteering at the nursing home my mother works at, just a few hours a week, to have an activity where I interact with others.

[/ QUOTE ]

Umm? Yeah, if you wanna wash old people or something... Try enrolling at some bullshit college grad courses - maybe once a week - making the objective not grades - but "interacting w/ others" or better yet? get a job, you loser

[ QUOTE ]
Smile to the grocery store cashier as she rings up your food

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, and think to yourself - that might be me one day - imagine my depression then.


[ QUOTE ]
I feel that everything else will just fall into place.

[/ QUOTE ]

Better get over this crap first - good luck!

[/ QUOTE ]


wow this guy's a dick

[/ QUOTE ]

[Aytumious]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I am making enough money playing poker that I should not have been depressed over the last few months. Yet I was.

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe your just naturally depressed and need some drugs



[ QUOTE ]
One quick hit and I could start a business, and I'd be happy

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude, that ain't ever gonna happen in a casino

[ QUOTE ]
We talked for a while and I began to feel better about myself. I wasn't alone.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah a conversation on AIM could work magic - go out and get some pussy if you feel so alone.


[ QUOTE ]
I'm also thinking of volunteering at the nursing home my mother works at, just a few hours a week, to have an activity where I interact with others.

[/ QUOTE ]

Umm? Yeah, if you wanna wash old people or something... Try enrolling at some bullshit college grad courses - maybe once a week - making the objective not grades - but "interacting w/ others" or better yet? get a job, you loser

[ QUOTE ]
Smile to the grocery store cashier as she rings up your food

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, and think to yourself - that might be me one day - imagine my depression then.


[ QUOTE ]
I feel that everything else will just fall into place.

[/ QUOTE ]

Better get over this crap first - good luck!

[/ QUOTE ]


wow this guy's a dick

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]