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View Full Version : Balancing poker, social life, and career goals. (Long but pls read)


09-22-2005, 11:53 PM
Well I have a bit of a delimma currently since I am 20 years old, a junior in college and really embarking on an important period in my life. I really would like some advice or other people to give stories of examples from their own life, any age.. (old people have alot of wisdom so i'd love to hearr from them too). Also, professional players who live in vegas would have alot to offer me too. (If you're a pro living in vegas or someone whose moved somewhere without knowing many people scroll down to that part of my questioning)

Well my delimma pretty much is this. Currently I am very much involved in poker and working on finishing up college. I spend alot of time playing poker to make money and also alot of time working on investments such as real estate, stocks, mutual funds, etc. This takes up alot of my time and I am not as socially active as I once was when I entered as a freshman. I do have friends still but alot of the semi good friends most people have, I lost contact with those and don't hang out with them much, but I do still hang out with my good friends at least 2-3 times a week.

On weekends I no longer really go out to parties as much because it just feels like a waste of time to me in terms of what I could be doing and it's not as exciting. When I got back to college initially I decided I wanted to make sure I keep my social life happy and I went out, made some new friends, hung out with old ones, went to parties to try and score with chicks and the whole thing but, when I look at the bigger picture, I feel that my time could much better be spent trying to make money and set up a career plan that I can work towards to. I feel like by just being carefree and partying i'm giving up a great opportunity. So i'm not really sure what I want more. It would either be to focus on my social life and having fun for my last few years in college or focusing on poker and my major/education/career which can get me a head start on what I plan to do in life.

Now the delimma comes because I am in college and I don't want to regret not going out and having as much fun as I could, but this is also college and aren't we here to work and figure out what we want to do with life? I feel like I know what I want to do and poker also helps fund some of my investment goals that I have as well. Another factor is that since I have no expenses right now, I want to make the most money I can (I don't spend any of my bankroll) before I get out into the real world and no longer have this financial freedom.

Also, even when I get out of college and decide to move on in life, won't I end up having to build a new social network anyway? If so, why even invest so much time that could be used elsewhere into my current social situation if i'll have to start from scratch if I ever move. Like i said, I do have good friends that I feel very close to that I don't see as often as I did, but when we get together everything is normal. I just don't see how I could possibly maximize my social life as well as play poker to make money and work towards my career goals. It just feels as though i'd have to sacrifice one of them to a certain extent, like ive done thus far. I see my friends just not as often.

When I think about sacrificing poker and career goals for a few years to just have fun socially, I feel as though, yeah poker's going to be there later on and if i did just focus on having fun my last few years in college that i'd still be able to get the poker/career thing done when I graduated. But the problem with that is I could start right now and really get a head start on my career and have an advantage with poker because I can make alot of money with no expenses at an early age. On the other hand, when I look at just giving up putting alot of time into the social aspect for now, I feel as though since later on in life i'd have to move and rebuild a new social network eventually, that i'm not really in that bad of shape because I do have social skills and can make friends, but when I think of the fact that i'm in college and not going out as much as I used to, it bothers me. But when I think about the bigger picture and whats going to benefit me more down the road, it just feels as though i'd be giving up an opportunity now to better prepare my future.

Another phase of my questions that I have is to adults or people who have moved to vegas or to somewhere where they may not have known many people. When I graduate college I know where I want to live and it may turn out that I don't know anybody in the area, how do you go about creating a new social network? Is this an unusual situation to be in or do people do this all the time? (Move to places where they may not know many people) Like if I decided to move out to las vegas for example and become a pro (im not doing this but its an example that fits), is meeting new people and building a social network very hard to do in a new setting? In las vegas have people gone there and made some good friendships? If anyones been in this situation before please tell a story explaining how it was and how things turned out.

If my rambling is unclear my problem comes from that I want to play poker and focus on my career but this interferes greatly with my social life. I'm not sure which one I want to focus on more and what the draw backs would be. If i put poker off to focus on being social then I give up the chance to make a bankroll early and also could end up having to meet new people all over again when getting a job in another state, but if i focus on poker, I could end up having much less social connections than I could, not having a girlfriend, and becoming less close with friends I already have. Just not sure what's more important. Ive thought about taking time off from poker and my career and all that for some social gratification but later down the road when i've moved on from some of them I could be regretting not using my time better. I don't know, I really would like advice.

shant
09-22-2005, 11:56 PM
We're gonna need tl;dr really quick in here.

TheIrishThug
09-22-2005, 11:56 PM
what's the over/under on how long it takes dynasty to show up?

Voltron87
09-23-2005, 12:03 AM
I just skimmed it, but on nights when I went out and partied if I was thinking in the back of my head "Man I could be winning some serious cash on party right now which would help me retire" I would kill myself. Literally.

jokerthief
09-23-2005, 12:08 AM
[ QUOTE ]
what's the over/under on how long it takes dynasty to show up?

[/ QUOTE ]

I may have been critical in the past dynasty, I think you got a good case here however.

09-23-2005, 12:57 AM
[ QUOTE ]
I just skimmed it, but on nights when I went out and partied if I was thinking in the back of my head "Man I could be winning some serious cash on party right now which would help me retire" I would kill myself. Literally.

[/ QUOTE ]
Maybe you value going out to frat parties and getting wasted more than I do. Or maybe I did it more than you did and it lost its spark.

Patrick del Poker Grande
09-23-2005, 01:01 AM
[ QUOTE ]
We're gonna need tl;dr really quick in here.

[/ QUOTE ]
Also, a link to the blog would be nice.

PoBoy321
09-23-2005, 01:02 AM
wtf does tl;dr mean?

09-23-2005, 01:03 AM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
We're gonna need tl;dr really quick in here.

[/ QUOTE ]
Also, a link to the blog would be nice.

[/ QUOTE ]

you're up awful late patrick. don't you have to science rockets tomorrow?

shant
09-23-2005, 01:03 AM
Too long; didn't read. He's a gimmick account like CliffsNotes.

Patrick del Poker Grande
09-23-2005, 01:03 AM
[ QUOTE ]
wtf does tl;dr mean?

[/ QUOTE ]
too long; didn't read (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showprofile.php?Cat=&User=42277&what=search&Forum= &Words=&Searchpage=0&Limit=25&where=bodysub&Name=4 2277&daterange=1&newerval=1&newertype=m&olderval=& oldertype=&bodyprev=)

SammyKid11
09-23-2005, 01:12 AM
I don't know if he's a gimmick account, but unless there's some shocking similarities in name choice, I've played against him alot in the 22's.

OP...chill out. Also, seek therapy. You sound like you have a classic case of extreme anxiety. You're 20 - have some fun, drink some beers, go to class, pick up chicks, AND play some poker. It's all good.

MyTurn2Raise
09-23-2005, 01:32 AM
everything is an illusion...choose which you wish to embrace

bholdr
09-23-2005, 02:01 AM
the best advice i can give?

just live. let all the social/work freinds and girls, money and future, and so on take care of themselves. fer christ's sake, you're TWENTY, you're NOT SUPPOSED to have this stuff figured out yet. try new things, meet new people, have fun, make money... just don't stress about it, these things have a way of taking care of themselves.

oh, and the social/girls stuff will really pick up once you turn 21.

09-23-2005, 02:02 AM
You're 20 - have some fun, drink some beers, go to class, pick up chicks, AND play some poker. It's all good.
What exactly is wrong with trying to prepare for my future wisely at an early age if I no longer find going out and getting sh*tfaced to be the thrill of a life time...

bholdr
09-23-2005, 02:04 AM
[ QUOTE ]
What exactly is wrong with trying to prepare for my future wisely at an early age if I no longer find going out and getting sh*tfaced to be the thrill of a life time...

[/ QUOTE ]

nothing. find freinds that are into cooler things than getting bombed.

whiskeytown
09-23-2005, 02:53 AM
I guarantee you whatever plans you make for your future will change at least 3 times -

truth be known, the friendships I've made playing poker are almost more important to me then the game - people are always more important then money

if you can take a year off, explore, and do the thing with people, I say it's worth it - trust me, they're only horny college girls for 4 years - /images/graemlins/grin.gif

RB

KaneKungFu123
09-23-2005, 04:51 AM
blah blah blah...

MicroBob
09-23-2005, 05:39 AM
if you don't want to get plastered then don't.
But the better option would be to have better friendships that aren't based on getting plastered.
Hell, I've gone to parties where everyone was getting pretty drunk and I only had 1 or 2 drinks because I just didn't feel like having more...but I did want to be out.


There's NO FREAKING WAY you should sacrifice having a social-life for making money...and this isn't just at 20...this is at ANY age (I'm 34).


You should have a damn girlfriend (or at least be dating around) and going out SOME at least or having crushes and thinking about how freaking cool (or hot) such-and-such girl is.


There's no reason why you can't play poker, have a meaningful social-life, and get plastered less frequently.


Poker is just poker and money is just money.
Yeah...money's important of course....but personal development (including friendships) is more important.


I disagree with the notion that a friendship from college that doesn't last very long suddenly becomes meaningless.
My friends from back in the day mean the world to me and I would trade the memories or experiences or the things I learned through them for anything.


former college roommate of mine just called me from out of the blue a couple nights ago...I mentioned the World Series of Poker to him and that I played at the same table as Johnny Chan....he said, "Who's that?"

There's more to life than poker. The right network of friends help you gain perspective and broaden your horizons.

Myrtle
09-23-2005, 06:17 AM
[ QUOTE ]
Well I have a bit of a delimma currently since I am 20 years old, a junior in college and really embarking on an important period in my life. I really would like some advice or other people to give stories of examples from their own life, any age.. (old people have alot of wisdom so i'd love to hearr from them too). Also, professional players who live in vegas would have alot to offer me too. (If you're a pro living in vegas or someone whose moved somewhere without knowing many people scroll down to that part of my questioning)

Well my delimma pretty much is this. Currently I am very much involved in poker and working on finishing up college. I spend alot of time playing poker to make money and also alot of time working on investments such as real estate, stocks, mutual funds, etc. This takes up alot of my time and I am not as socially active as I once was when I entered as a freshman. I do have friends still but alot of the semi good friends most people have, I lost contact with those and don't hang out with them much, but I do still hang out with my good friends at least 2-3 times a week.

On weekends I no longer really go out to parties as much because it just feels like a waste of time to me in terms of what I could be doing and it's not as exciting. When I got back to college initially I decided I wanted to make sure I keep my social life happy and I went out, made some new friends, hung out with old ones, went to parties to try and score with chicks and the whole thing but, when I look at the bigger picture, I feel that my time could much better be spent trying to make money and set up a career plan that I can work towards to. I feel like by just being carefree and partying i'm giving up a great opportunity. So i'm not really sure what I want more. It would either be to focus on my social life and having fun for my last few years in college or focusing on poker and my major/education/career which can get me a head start on what I plan to do in life.

Now the delimma comes because I am in college and I don't want to regret not going out and having as much fun as I could, but this is also college and aren't we here to work and figure out what we want to do with life? I feel like I know what I want to do and poker also helps fund some of my investment goals that I have as well. Another factor is that since I have no expenses right now, I want to make the most money I can (I don't spend any of my bankroll) before I get out into the real world and no longer have this financial freedom.

Also, even when I get out of college and decide to move on in life, won't I end up having to build a new social network anyway? If so, why even invest so much time that could be used elsewhere into my current social situation if i'll have to start from scratch if I ever move. Like i said, I do have good friends that I feel very close to that I don't see as often as I did, but when we get together everything is normal. I just don't see how I could possibly maximize my social life as well as play poker to make money and work towards my career goals. It just feels as though i'd have to sacrifice one of them to a certain extent, like ive done thus far. I see my friends just not as often.

When I think about sacrificing poker and career goals for a few years to just have fun socially, I feel as though, yeah poker's going to be there later on and if i did just focus on having fun my last few years in college that i'd still be able to get the poker/career thing done when I graduated. But the problem with that is I could start right now and really get a head start on my career and have an advantage with poker because I can make alot of money with no expenses at an early age. On the other hand, when I look at just giving up putting alot of time into the social aspect for now, I feel as though since later on in life i'd have to move and rebuild a new social network eventually, that i'm not really in that bad of shape because I do have social skills and can make friends, but when I think of the fact that i'm in college and not going out as much as I used to, it bothers me. But when I think about the bigger picture and whats going to benefit me more down the road, it just feels as though i'd be giving up an opportunity now to better prepare my future.

Another phase of my questions that I have is to adults or people who have moved to vegas or to somewhere where they may not have known many people. When I graduate college I know where I want to live and it may turn out that I don't know anybody in the area, how do you go about creating a new social network? Is this an unusual situation to be in or do people do this all the time? (Move to places where they may not know many people) Like if I decided to move out to las vegas for example and become a pro (im not doing this but its an example that fits), is meeting new people and building a social network very hard to do in a new setting? In las vegas have people gone there and made some good friendships? If anyones been in this situation before please tell a story explaining how it was and how things turned out.

If my rambling is unclear my problem comes from that I want to play poker and focus on my career but this interferes greatly with my social life. I'm not sure which one I want to focus on more and what the draw backs would be. If i put poker off to focus on being social then I give up the chance to make a bankroll early and also could end up having to meet new people all over again when getting a job in another state, but if i focus on poker, I could end up having much less social connections than I could, not having a girlfriend, and becoming less close with friends I already have. Just not sure what's more important. Ive thought about taking time off from poker and my career and all that for some social gratification but later down the road when i've moved on from some of them I could be regretting not using my time better. I don't know, I really would like advice.

[/ QUOTE ]


If you haven't already.....check out the post by PokerPaul who asks a similar question in this forum.

His situation is much different than yours, BUT, working through it to get to a good solution is quite similar.

I posted some advice there that might also be helpful to you.

Check it out, and if you have further questions, fire away.

FWIW, I have definite opinions about your situation. Without going into a long dissertation about them, let me summarize:

You are young, but appear to be wise enough to ask for advice from those who may be experienced with these things.

That's unusual and good.

Don't be in a HUGE hurry to get somewhere!! Enjoy life, especially this part of yours, as you only have one shot at the experience that you're in right now.

Above all, look for a BALANCE in your life. Do your best to not pass up oportunities to broaden your horizons and add to your experiences.

Life can be amazingly enjoyable and fullfilling if you sometimes give it an opportunity to unfold in an unrestriced way.

Bubu
09-23-2005, 10:29 AM
Don't dismiss opportunities to make friends in college. True, you may move somewhere else and have to start afresh, but you never know how strong those links will be (from the social, or even as longer term career contacts). Moreover, college is a good opportunity to learn to how make and maintain friendships. Finally you and your college friends now have the freedom to explore your personalities and adventure out. This won't be true later on - even though you may be a freelancing poker pro the people in you age group will have other commitements. You don't want to end up being a socially maladjusted poker (or whatever) geek down the road.
As other people have posted there is more to life than money.

CCovington
09-23-2005, 11:30 AM
I understand what the OP is going through. I got out of college about a year ago, when I was in college I went out probably 4 nights a week, president of my fraternity, was constantly hanging out with 18yr old girls that just got out from under daddy's roof. Drank, partied, it was good times, you get the picture.
The point is that when you are around something like that for so long you get accustomed to it, and take it for granted. Right now your constantly around friends, have opportunities to go out anytime, so naturally you begin to take it for granted. I could ramble forever, but I'm not going to. You definitely need to give proper attention to your schoolwork, and goals you have, but you're going to be working for the rest of your life and you are in the most social environment you will ever be in right now, enjoy it.