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Crimson
09-22-2005, 05:43 AM
Post the most offensive, racist, sexist jokes you know.

"If she can crawl... she's already in the right position."

shant
09-22-2005, 05:45 AM
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Wash the dishes or I will kick you in the vag.

Sykes
09-22-2005, 05:55 AM
[ QUOTE ]
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

[/ QUOTE ]

Nothing, you've already told her twice.

tonypaladino
09-22-2005, 06:00 AM
Whats the difference between a [insert minority here] guy and a pizza?

<font color="white"> A pizza can feed a family of four </font>

diebitter
09-22-2005, 06:00 AM
Why is a woman's [censored] so close to her [censored]?

So when she's drunk, you can carry her home like a 6-pack.

tonypaladino
09-22-2005, 06:01 AM
[ QUOTE ]
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Wash the dishes or I will kick you in the vag.

[/ QUOTE ]

gold, jerry

WackityWhiz
09-22-2005, 06:47 AM
Why is it a tragedy when 3 (insert race here) guys drive over a cliff?

<font color="white"> The car seated 5 </font>

diebitter
09-22-2005, 06:51 AM
What looks good around a [whatever]'s neck?

A rottweiler

xadrez
09-22-2005, 09:45 AM
Why do Brides wear white?
-So the dishwasher matches the refrigerator

ilikeaces
09-22-2005, 09:47 AM
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, she didn't listen the first 2 times.

SL__72
09-22-2005, 10:21 AM
Wow that joke is so like... 5 posts ago.

09-22-2005, 10:25 AM
Jesse Jackson

Jesse Jackson, while visiting a primary school class, found himself in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asks the Rev. Jackson if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy."

So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy."

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.

"No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted spiritual leader. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Rev. Jackson searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If a plane carrying the Rev. Jackson were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaims Jackson, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

polltard

dcasper70
09-22-2005, 12:56 PM
What do you call the useless flabby part surrounding the vagina?


The chick.

dcasper70
09-22-2005, 12:57 PM
Why do flies have wings?


So they can beat the Italians to the dump.

dcasper70
09-22-2005, 01:00 PM
So a pedophile is leading a small weeping girl into the dark woods one night. He looks down and says:

"Why are you scared, I'm the one that has to walk out of here alone..."

MrWookie47
09-22-2005, 01:02 PM
What's better than getting the silver medal in the Special Olympics?

<font color="white"> Not being retarded. </font>

jakethebake
09-22-2005, 01:08 PM
Why do women close their eyes during sex?

<font color="white">They can't stand to see a man have a good time. </font>

jakethebake
09-22-2005, 01:09 PM
What's worse than a male chauvinist?
<font color="white">A women who won't do what she's told. </font>

dcasper70
09-22-2005, 01:12 PM
How do you starve a [insert minority here] guy?

<font color="white"> Hide his food stamps under his work boots </font>

jakethebake
09-22-2005, 01:13 PM
How many men does it take to open a beer?
<font color="white"> None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. </font>

jakethebake
09-22-2005, 01:17 PM
Why is it called PMS?
<font color="white">Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken. </font>

dcasper70
09-22-2005, 01:18 PM
How do you make your wife/gf cry when you're having sex ?

<font color="white"> call her </font>

jakethebake
09-22-2005, 01:20 PM
How does a woman change a light bulb?

<font color="white">She just holds on to it, and the world revolves around her. </font>

dcasper70
09-22-2005, 01:20 PM
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

<font color="white"> she gagged </font>

dcasper70
09-22-2005, 01:21 PM
What's the difference between a child molester and a greyhound?

<font color="white"> the greyhound waits until the hare is out of the box </font>

dcasper70
09-22-2005, 01:23 PM
What do all battered women have in common?
<font color="white"> None of them know when to shut the f*** up! </font>

jakethebake
09-22-2005, 01:24 PM
How do most men define marriage?

<font color="white"> A very expensive way to get your laundry done free. </font>

dcasper70
09-22-2005, 01:24 PM
What's the first thing a battered woman does after getting out of the woman's shelter?

<font color="white"> the dishes, if she knows what's good for her. </font>

jakethebake
09-22-2005, 01:25 PM
What did I do when my wife's credit card was stolen?

<font color="white">Nothing. The thief was spending less than she did. </font>

dcasper70
09-22-2005, 01:26 PM
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

<font color="white"> A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
</font>

dcasper70
09-22-2005, 01:27 PM
Why did God give women yeast infections?

<font color="white"> So they can know what it's like to live with an irritating c*nt.</font>

dcasper70
09-22-2005, 01:29 PM
A man is taking a shower with his 6 year old daughter when she asks,
"Daddy, what's that between your legs?"
"That's a Penis, honey." He replied
"When am I gonna get one of those?" she asked innocently.

"As soon as Mommy goes to the Mall."

theben
09-22-2005, 01:32 PM
a pizza can feed a family of 4

jakethebake
09-22-2005, 01:32 PM
How do you mkake my wife's eyes twinkle?

<font color="white">Shine a flashlight in her ear. </font>

imported_The Vibesman
09-22-2005, 01:33 PM
Why do women wear makeup and perfume?

<font color="white"> because they're ugly and they stink. </font>

theben
09-22-2005, 01:34 PM
not being in the special olympics

theben
09-22-2005, 01:35 PM
How many people does it take to carry a *Racial Slur* coffin? Two. A trash can only has 2 handles

stabn
09-22-2005, 01:37 PM
Putting the punch line in white just makes this thread PITA to read.

09-22-2005, 01:38 PM
I heard this one on www.thepokerforum.com (http://www.thepokerforum.com)

How does a mother from West Virginia know her daughter is having her period?

<font color="white">She can taste it on her son's penis!</font>

MrWookie47
09-22-2005, 02:06 PM
<font color="white">Learn to read the white text. </font>

Cancuk
09-22-2005, 02:22 PM
ewwww...

tonypaladino
09-22-2005, 10:41 PM
[ QUOTE ]
<font color="white">Learn to read the white text. </font>

[/ QUOTE ]

TheHip41
09-23-2005, 03:41 AM
[ QUOTE ]
What's better than getting the silver medal in the Special Olympics?

<font color="white"> Not being retarded. </font>

[/ QUOTE ]


walking /images/graemlins/grin.gif

M2d
09-23-2005, 01:09 PM
Little Johnny's is coming home from the store swinging a
loaf of bread in one hand, and the other hand in his pants
pocket.

Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, "This is a
good opportunity to say something from the bible to Little
Johnny."

He walks up to Little Johnny and says, "I see, Little Johnny,
that you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you
have in the other?"

Little Johnny replies, "A loaf of bread, Father."

Danenania
09-23-2005, 01:11 PM
Anorexic girl with a yeast infection?

ChrisCo
09-23-2005, 01:51 PM
Whats the difference between a priest and a pimple?

<font color="white">A pimple waits till you are 13 to cum on your face. </font>

Danenania
09-23-2005, 02:16 PM
Something about prepubescence?

Duffman
09-23-2005, 03:06 PM
What do you call an ethiopian(or any other third world poor child) who takes a crap?

A showoff.

What do you call an ethiopian with a yeast infection.

Quarter pounder with cheese.

Why did the Jew watch the porno movie backwards?

He wanted to see the hooker give the money back.

What is the biggest Jewish dilemna?

Half-price pork.

How do you know if an Asian robbed your house?

Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded and when you come home two hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway.

Why did the woman cross the road?

Who cares what was she doing out of the kitchen?

Why do women have small feet?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

What do you do when your oven timer breaks?

Get your wife a new watch.

What do you call a woman with two black eyes?

Deaf.

Why do Italian men grow mustaches?

So they can look more like their mothers.

Why did the new Italian navy get glass floors installed on their ships?

So they can see the old Italian navy.

What's long and hard on a [insert minority] man?

Third grade.

What do you call a minority woman who gets an abortion?

Crimestoppers of America.

...and the ever popular..

How long does it take a minority woman to take a crap?

Nine months.

Los Feliz Slim
09-23-2005, 03:19 PM
Guy's wife isn't acting right, so he takes her to the doctor. The doctor examines her, then asks her to wait in the waiting room while he talks to the husband. He says to the husband "I have bad news. Your wife either has AIDS or Alzheimer's." The guy's like "That's terrible! What should I do?" The doctor says "Drive her to the edge of town and drop her off. If she comes home, don't fukc her."

DasLeben
09-23-2005, 05:54 PM
Why can't Mexicans sneak up on anyone?

<font color="white">You can hear a lawnmower a mile away. </font>