The Armchair
09-17-2005, 04:46 PM
In Chapter Three, you easily opted to battle Billy (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=3427914&page=0&view=colla psed&sb=5&o=14&fpart=1). This will prove to be... well, we'll see.
CHAPTER FOUR: BILLY, DON'T YOU LOSE MY NUMBER
You let go of Esmeralda’s hand and step forward, arms raised (well, lowered, as Billy is only 3’2”, but you get the point), ready to open up a can of whoopass.
Esmeralda is not pleased. Stopping Billy from breaking the Red Rover chain would have been easy, especially with Sally wrapped tightly around Billy’s waist. But now it is simply impossible – you have left too large a gap for Esmeralda and Tyler to close. Esmeralda jumps up, screams something in French Pig Latin (basically, it’s French, but Pig Latin-ized), and you are suddenly not very popular.
Turn to Page 7.
(Given that this is on a message board, you will note that turning to page 7 is rather difficult – after all, there is no page 7. It is suggested that you ignore this line, but in case you are highly curious, there is this parenthetical. This reference to turn to page 7 is to inform you, and to signal to your friendly neighborhood Choose Your OOT Adventure author, that the next few paragraphs can be reached via at least one other avenue. The other avenue does not have the page number labeled as to not ruin the story line, which was always a great downfall of the actual books. One could very easy read a good story about a fire-breathing dragon, get to the end, and see that two of the three choices send the reader to a page read on a previous read. That, being dumb, is best to be avoided, so this will occur only when necessary.
Thanks, and have a nice day.)
The children attack you – and they are armed with trout. The trout have no teeth. And they’re dead. (The trout, not the children.) The trout do smell rather awful, but they are slippery and the children are not doing such a good job wielding them. It could be worse.
Oh wait, it is.
Seems you have miscalculated. There were not twenty-seven children – there were 45,321, give or take six. Where did they come from? Well, that patty-cake, red rover, duck-duck-goose game? A magic summoning spell.
Where the trout came from is still unknown, and almost certainly irrelevant, although one never knows.
You, not being David Sklansky (who is said to be “surprisngly [sic] strong”) (see http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=3418712&page=1&view=c ollapsed&sb=5&o=14&vc=1 n.3), are overwhelmed by the somewhere between forty five thousand, three hundred fifteen to forty five thousand, three hundred twenty six trout-carrying children, and quickly fall to the ground.
The children start to jump on top of you and pelt you with tiny fists and decaying trout.
One of them pees on your head.
Another starts pulling your hair. He only stops when he realizes that your hair has recently been peed on.
But even so, the whole experience really is not very much fun.
It seems all is lost, with death inevitable. Which may be a good thing.
But, being a trooper, and not wanting the story to end (not that it necessarily would, even if you did die) you have decided to take one last shot at survival before death arrives.
Your theory is a sound one – if you are being attacked by little kids, ‘tis best to act like them. (As the saying goes, If you can’t beat them, join them.) The trick, naturally, is in the application.
You quickly narrow it down to three choices.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
CHAPTER FOUR: BILLY, DON'T YOU LOSE MY NUMBER
You let go of Esmeralda’s hand and step forward, arms raised (well, lowered, as Billy is only 3’2”, but you get the point), ready to open up a can of whoopass.
Esmeralda is not pleased. Stopping Billy from breaking the Red Rover chain would have been easy, especially with Sally wrapped tightly around Billy’s waist. But now it is simply impossible – you have left too large a gap for Esmeralda and Tyler to close. Esmeralda jumps up, screams something in French Pig Latin (basically, it’s French, but Pig Latin-ized), and you are suddenly not very popular.
Turn to Page 7.
(Given that this is on a message board, you will note that turning to page 7 is rather difficult – after all, there is no page 7. It is suggested that you ignore this line, but in case you are highly curious, there is this parenthetical. This reference to turn to page 7 is to inform you, and to signal to your friendly neighborhood Choose Your OOT Adventure author, that the next few paragraphs can be reached via at least one other avenue. The other avenue does not have the page number labeled as to not ruin the story line, which was always a great downfall of the actual books. One could very easy read a good story about a fire-breathing dragon, get to the end, and see that two of the three choices send the reader to a page read on a previous read. That, being dumb, is best to be avoided, so this will occur only when necessary.
Thanks, and have a nice day.)
The children attack you – and they are armed with trout. The trout have no teeth. And they’re dead. (The trout, not the children.) The trout do smell rather awful, but they are slippery and the children are not doing such a good job wielding them. It could be worse.
Oh wait, it is.
Seems you have miscalculated. There were not twenty-seven children – there were 45,321, give or take six. Where did they come from? Well, that patty-cake, red rover, duck-duck-goose game? A magic summoning spell.
Where the trout came from is still unknown, and almost certainly irrelevant, although one never knows.
You, not being David Sklansky (who is said to be “surprisngly [sic] strong”) (see http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=3418712&page=1&view=c ollapsed&sb=5&o=14&vc=1 n.3), are overwhelmed by the somewhere between forty five thousand, three hundred fifteen to forty five thousand, three hundred twenty six trout-carrying children, and quickly fall to the ground.
The children start to jump on top of you and pelt you with tiny fists and decaying trout.
One of them pees on your head.
Another starts pulling your hair. He only stops when he realizes that your hair has recently been peed on.
But even so, the whole experience really is not very much fun.
It seems all is lost, with death inevitable. Which may be a good thing.
But, being a trooper, and not wanting the story to end (not that it necessarily would, even if you did die) you have decided to take one last shot at survival before death arrives.
Your theory is a sound one – if you are being attacked by little kids, ‘tis best to act like them. (As the saying goes, If you can’t beat them, join them.) The trick, naturally, is in the application.
You quickly narrow it down to three choices.
WHAT DO YOU DO?