The Armchair
09-16-2005, 11:41 PM
By the slimmest of margins, Red Rover, Red Rover, send Billy right over (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=3418524&page=0&view=colla psed&sb=5&o=14&fpart=1)!
Chapter Three: Billy the Kid
Billy, replete with eye patch and hook hand, charges at you with the fervor of red ruffed lemur who had hepped up Red Bull.
For those of you who do not know what a red ruffed lemur looks like, it is highly suggested that you look at a picture of one, if for no other reason than to appreciate just how ferocious the thought of one such creature on gallons of Red Bull may appear. They certainly will weeble. They potentially will wobble. And you know, they just may fall down.
Billy does, indeed, weeble. And, having lost a good deal of depth perception due to the eye patch, he tends to wobble quite a bit. But falling down is not on the agenda, no sir! Billy spins stumbles flips falls (no, wait, he does not fall, sorry) sail slides stooks and friggles all the way from his team’s chain to yours, giggling, sniggering, and frothing all the way.
When this whirling dervish finally does reach your team’s chain, the worst thing happens. Sally, who clearly has a schoolgirl crush on Billy the pseudopirate, inexplicably – well, it is not inexplicable, not at all, given that it was just explained, but from your point of view, suffice it to say that it was so unexpected that it was for all intents and purposes inexplicable –
Sally inexplicably (see above) lets go of your hand and tackles Billy. It was probably intended a hug, but Sally fails in execution.
Billy, with Sally now draped around his waste, is moving slowly and, yes, still wobbling. However, he has one distinct advantage – you are no longer holding Sally’s hand, leaving a huge, gaping hole in your team’s Red Rover chain.
Across the abyss is Tyler, yet another five year old. Given how slowly Billy is moving -- Sally is tubby for a kindergartener – you have time to grab Tyler’s hand and reform the chain, if you act quickly. However, Tyler’s hands seem to have some gangrenous growth all over them, which only partially explains his balding purple hair and third eye. (He claims it is a bad case of the cooties, but Esmeralda – who is still holding your other hand – refuses to further break the Red Rover chain in order to give you a cooties shot.)
This leaves you with three clear choices:
1) Grab Tyler’s hand, reforming the chain and almost certainly stopping the Billy-Sally juggernaut from breaking though;
2) Let go of Esmeralda’s hand and attempt to beat up Billy, potentially saving your Red Rover team from defeat; or
3) As a pretext, hem and haw over what to do next, all the time intentionally allowing Billy to pass unscathed through the gap caused by Sally’s amour.
Chapter Three: Billy the Kid
Billy, replete with eye patch and hook hand, charges at you with the fervor of red ruffed lemur who had hepped up Red Bull.
For those of you who do not know what a red ruffed lemur looks like, it is highly suggested that you look at a picture of one, if for no other reason than to appreciate just how ferocious the thought of one such creature on gallons of Red Bull may appear. They certainly will weeble. They potentially will wobble. And you know, they just may fall down.
Billy does, indeed, weeble. And, having lost a good deal of depth perception due to the eye patch, he tends to wobble quite a bit. But falling down is not on the agenda, no sir! Billy spins stumbles flips falls (no, wait, he does not fall, sorry) sail slides stooks and friggles all the way from his team’s chain to yours, giggling, sniggering, and frothing all the way.
When this whirling dervish finally does reach your team’s chain, the worst thing happens. Sally, who clearly has a schoolgirl crush on Billy the pseudopirate, inexplicably – well, it is not inexplicable, not at all, given that it was just explained, but from your point of view, suffice it to say that it was so unexpected that it was for all intents and purposes inexplicable –
Sally inexplicably (see above) lets go of your hand and tackles Billy. It was probably intended a hug, but Sally fails in execution.
Billy, with Sally now draped around his waste, is moving slowly and, yes, still wobbling. However, he has one distinct advantage – you are no longer holding Sally’s hand, leaving a huge, gaping hole in your team’s Red Rover chain.
Across the abyss is Tyler, yet another five year old. Given how slowly Billy is moving -- Sally is tubby for a kindergartener – you have time to grab Tyler’s hand and reform the chain, if you act quickly. However, Tyler’s hands seem to have some gangrenous growth all over them, which only partially explains his balding purple hair and third eye. (He claims it is a bad case of the cooties, but Esmeralda – who is still holding your other hand – refuses to further break the Red Rover chain in order to give you a cooties shot.)
This leaves you with three clear choices:
1) Grab Tyler’s hand, reforming the chain and almost certainly stopping the Billy-Sally juggernaut from breaking though;
2) Let go of Esmeralda’s hand and attempt to beat up Billy, potentially saving your Red Rover team from defeat; or
3) As a pretext, hem and haw over what to do next, all the time intentionally allowing Billy to pass unscathed through the gap caused by Sally’s amour.