how can i get fat [Archive] - Two Plus Two Older Archives

rory

09-14-2005, 03:24 AM

i bet my dad 100 bucks that he could not lose 15 pounds before i gained 10. it was an easy bet because there is no way my dad would ever be able to lose 15 pounds. however we just had a family tragedy and he has not been eating and now i am in danger of losing the bet. i need to gain 10 pounds in a few weeks. what should i eat/do to gain weight quickly without feeling like i want to die?

jason_t

09-14-2005, 03:26 AM

Beer and pasta.

tonypaladino

09-14-2005, 03:26 AM

give good blowjobs

ChipWrecked

09-14-2005, 03:27 AM

....instead of bread, use PopTarts. If you have any doubt, rub whatever you're eating on a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain!

http://www.simpsonsland.net/multimedia/images/0nickriviera/03.gif

tonypaladino

09-14-2005, 03:29 AM

Hi Doctor Nick!!!!

ChipWrecked

09-14-2005, 03:30 AM

Hi, Everybody!!!

TStoneMBD

09-14-2005, 03:30 AM

drink lots of mountain dew. eat candy. if you really want to speed up the process and cant stand the taste of all the sugar, make jello and put a ridiculous amount of sugar in it. swallow the jellow without chewing just like jello shots.

you could also drink alot of alcohol because it has alot of calories. i recommend jello shots for this as well.

kurosh

09-14-2005, 03:30 AM

http://snoblog.com/butter.jpg

SCfuji

09-14-2005, 03:30 AM

hey rory, when will you two be weighing yourselves?

to be honest i think you should go lift weights (exercise seems counterintuitive but muscle weighs more than fat). eat some food a couple hours before you lift and eat some more a couple hours after you lift. drink lots of water.

siccjay

09-14-2005, 03:32 AM

[ QUOTE ]
drink lots of mountain dew

[/ QUOTE ]

This won't work. I drink more than lots and am not fat.

jason_t

09-14-2005, 03:32 AM

[ QUOTE ]
give good blowjobs

[/ QUOTE ]

You clearly don't understand the difference between the converse of a statement and the contrapositive of a statement. When a statement is true, its converse is sometimes true, but its contrapositive always is. For clarity we have the following.

Statement: A implies B
Converse: B implies A
Contrapositive: not B implies not A

e.g.

Statement: If it is raining then I will carry my umbrella. (True.)
Converse: If I carry my umbrella then it is raining. (Absurd.)
Contrapositive: If I don't carry my umbrella, then it's not raining. (True.)

Statement: If a girl is fat then she gives good head. (True.)
Converse: If a girl gives good head then she fat. (Absurd.)
Contrapositive: If a girl does not give good head then she is not fat. (True.)

I know you were making a joke, but it's a classic fallcy to think that the converse follows from a statement and it causes many people to have incorrect beliefs about the world.

tonypaladino

09-14-2005, 03:35 AM

facetious much?

jason_t

09-14-2005, 03:35 AM

[ QUOTE ]
facetious much?

[/ QUOTE ]

Do you douche?

TStoneMBD

09-14-2005, 03:35 AM

its all about calories in and calories out. its simple math. mountain dew has more calories in it then almost any beverage. simple sugars are not filling but they put on excessive weight, which is why i recommend them. i dont know how actors gain weight though when they need to fit a certain part.

rory: maybe you should google renee zellweger when she gained 15 pounds to do bridget jones.

ChipWrecked

09-14-2005, 03:36 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
give good blowjobs

[/ QUOTE ]

You clearly don't understand the difference between the converse of a statement and the contrapositive of a statement. When a statement is true, its converse is sometimes true, but its contrapositive always is. For clarity we have the following.

Statement: A implies B
Converse: B implies A
Contrapositive: not B implies not A

e.g.

Statement: If it is raining then I will carry my umbrella. (True.)
Converse: If I carry my umbrella then it is raining. (Absurd.)
Contrapositive: If I don't carry my umbrella, then it's not raining. (True.)

Statement: If a girl is fat then she gives good head. (True.)
Converse: If a girl gives good head then she fat. (Absurd.)
Contrapositive: If a girl does not give good head then she is not fat. (True.)

I know you were making a joke, but it's a classic fallcy to think that the converse follows from a statement and it causes many people to have incorrect beliefs about the world.

[/ QUOTE ]

Lisa, I want to buy your rock.

ChipWrecked

09-14-2005, 03:38 AM

Just look for the words:

High Fructose Corn Syrup

You can thank me later.

Oh yeah. I think insulin is cheaper in Canada.

jason_t

09-14-2005, 03:38 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
give good blowjobs

[/ QUOTE ]

You clearly don't understand the difference between the converse of a statement and the contrapositive of a statement. When a statement is true, its converse is sometimes true, but its contrapositive always is. For clarity we have the following.

Statement: A implies B
Converse: B implies A
Contrapositive: not B implies not A

e.g.

Statement: If it is raining then I will carry my umbrella. (True.)
Converse: If I carry my umbrella then it is raining. (Absurd.)
Contrapositive: If I don't carry my umbrella, then it's not raining. (True.)

Statement: If a girl is fat then she gives good head. (True.)
Converse: If a girl gives good head then she fat. (Absurd.)
Contrapositive: If a girl does not give good head then she is not fat. (True.)

I know you were making a joke, but it's a classic fallcy to think that the converse follows from a statement and it causes many people to have incorrect beliefs about the world.

[/ QUOTE ]

Lisa, I want to buy your rock.

[/ QUOTE ]

Very nice, very very nice. Classic episode.

TStoneMBD

09-14-2005, 03:47 AM

http://www.saveonfoods.com/1/brightlife/healthy_eating/sd_weight_loss_gain.htm

how to gain weight at the bottom

tonypaladino

09-14-2005, 03:52 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
facetious much?

[/ QUOTE ]

Do you douche?

[/ QUOTE ]

?

Reef

09-14-2005, 03:52 AM

weight gainer 2000 , eat a LOT (not candy- stuff like spaghetti, etc). Eat right before you go to bed. Should be having 4 big meals a day at least

sublime

09-14-2005, 03:59 AM

hang out with me

jason_t

09-14-2005, 03:59 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
facetious much?

[/ QUOTE ]

Do you douche?

[/ QUOTE ]

?

[/ QUOTE ]

lol.

sublime

09-14-2005, 04:00 AM

she gained 15 pounds to do bridget jones

or ask sponger how he did it for his role of kyle singer in 24 season 3

LethalRose

09-14-2005, 04:02 AM

Go to a local health clinic that can measure your basal metabolism. Eat 800 calories over it everyday. Including any exercise you do.

jason_t

09-14-2005, 04:02 AM

[ QUOTE ]
she gained 15 pounds to do bridget jones

or ask sponger how he did it for his role of kyle singer in 24 season 3

[/ QUOTE ]

I never noticed that before; this is brilliant.

Reef

09-14-2005, 04:03 AM

[ QUOTE ]
she gained 15 pounds to do bridget jones

or ask sponger how he did it for his role of kyle singer in 24 season 3

[/ QUOTE ]

here (http://us.ent4.yimg.com/tv.yahoo.com/images/he/photo/tv_pix/fox/24_photos/riley_smith/24.jpg)

edit: someone link the classic sponger pic

sublime

09-14-2005, 04:04 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
she gained 15 pounds to do bridget jones

or ask sponger how he did it for his role of kyle singer in 24 season 3

[/ QUOTE ]

I never noticed that before; this is brilliant.

[/ QUOTE ]

actually since i am watching season 3 right now, its creepy.

sublime

09-14-2005, 04:05 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
she gained 15 pounds to do bridget jones

or ask sponger how he did it for his role of kyle singer in 24 season 3

[/ QUOTE ]

here (http://us.ent4.yimg.com/tv.yahoo.com/images/he/photo/tv_pix/fox/24_photos/riley_smith/24.jpg)

edit: someone link the classic sponger pic

[/ QUOTE ]

yeah thats the only one I could find, however it doesnt look like sponger as much as the live action shots of singer.

Weatherhead03

09-14-2005, 04:18 AM

Just keep eating food combined with lots of water.

imported_anacardo

09-14-2005, 04:32 AM

scrub

09-14-2005, 05:01 AM

You're a classic fallcy.

Whatever that is.

scrub

sublime

09-14-2005, 05:02 AM

singer before his dad lost his job and he was foeced to become a drug mule to pay the rent:

http://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/warner_brothers/new_york_minute/riley_smith/newyorkpred.jpg

after he discovered no means yes:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v641/Sponger15aa/blowjob2.jpg

apparently there are some more photos of young mr singer out there. please post!

jason_t

09-14-2005, 05:02 AM

[ QUOTE ]
You're a classic fallcy.

Whatever that is.

[/ QUOTE ]

/images/graemlins/frown.gif

Blarg

09-14-2005, 05:07 AM

Heavy starches, preferably from refined flour. Not only do they pack in a ton of calories while taking a while to get through the system, but they are high glycemic -- they send a rush of sugars into the blood, which prompts insulin release to immediately get the sugar out of the system and store it as fat. Bonus side effect is they can make you feel very sleepy because of BOTH the sugar AND the insulin effect right after, which means you'll spend more time lazy, sleepy, and unmotivated, thus promoting even more weight gain.

I recommend lots of white bread and pasta, along with soda and judicious supplementation with ice cream in front of the t.v. wearing bermuda shorts and black socks. Never drink water; make beer and soda your first choices.

blendedsuit

09-14-2005, 05:13 AM

Eat tons of carbs, drink beer and soda religiously, TURN THE HEAT UP (and ALWAYS WEAR SWEATSHIRTS, heavy clothing) That will slow down your metabolism. And loaf around and sleep a ton or stay up way too much during the nights.

Dr. StrangeloveX

09-14-2005, 06:25 AM

Drink half and half as your liquid. And little ben and jerry's ice cream containers are 1080 to 1240 calories. If you put down a couple of those a day you will get fat.

savman

09-14-2005, 07:04 AM

hang out with me. eat whatever i do. trust me it works.

mslif

09-14-2005, 08:26 AM

Can I suggest McDonald's or some sort of fast food at every meal.
Caution: Your cholesterol and tryglycerides will go through the roof and you might have a heart attack.

Good luck! /images/graemlins/grin.gif

spamuell

09-14-2005, 08:27 AM

Play poker for 30 minutes, use the money to pay your dad and conserve your health.

mslif

09-14-2005, 08:27 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Statement: If a girl is fat then she gives good head. (True.)
Converse: If a girl gives good head then she fat. (Absurd.)
Contrapositive: If a girl does not give good head then she is not fat. (True.)

[/ QUOTE ]

/images/graemlins/confused.gif

RunDownHouse

09-14-2005, 08:45 AM

[ QUOTE ]
its all about calories in and calories out. its simple math.

[/ QUOTE ]
This is the answer to every weight gain/loss related thread. Why is that so hard?

jthegreat

09-14-2005, 08:49 AM

Peanut butter, regular butter, ranch dressing, and ice cream are your friends.

09-14-2005, 08:52 AM

those 3 lb chipotle burritos have made the guys in my office pack on the weight pretty damn quick (but only if you sit on your ass all day)

istewart

09-14-2005, 09:03 AM

Call off this bet in light of the family tragedy so your dad doesn't die from starvation?

RollaJ

09-14-2005, 09:18 AM

About 10 years ago I was a counselor in a sleepaway camp, one of the kids was very underweight. His Dr prescribed a milkshake a day with Hagendaz ice cream and a "mega-mass" type powder from GNC, Didnt seem to work for the kid, but should work for a normal person. Im guessing you can pack 1000-1200 calories in one nice tall glass, maybe even try 2 a day

Blarg

09-14-2005, 09:20 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Peanut butter, regular butter, ranch dressing, and ice cream are your friends.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ranch and blue cheese dressing are positively evil. Anyone remember Homer Simpson's ranch dressing hose his slave girls fed him? Pure liquid hell. Delicious hell!

RollaJ

09-14-2005, 09:24 AM

http://img199.imageshack.us/img199/4258/pyr3ty.jpg

rory

09-14-2005, 09:58 AM

hahahaha /images/graemlins/heart.gif /images/graemlins/heart.gif /images/graemlins/heart.gif /images/graemlins/heart.gif /images/graemlins/heart.gif

correia

09-14-2005, 10:21 AM

http://onokinegrindz.typepad.com/ono_kine_grindz/images/DoubleDouble.jpg

ChipWrecked

09-14-2005, 10:24 AM

OMG, In 'N 'Out... I just gained new respect for Joisey-ites.

Alobar

09-14-2005, 10:40 AM

I havent read any of the replys, im sure its lots of people telling you to drink weight gainer and work out. But maybe this has been mentioned.

uhm, eat a large pizza, drink a crap load of water, and dont take a dump. You can make the number on the scale go up by 10 pretty easily. I could be 10 pounds heavier in a couple hours if I wanted to. Just do that.

and im sorry to hear that there was a family tradegy

IndieMatty

09-14-2005, 10:43 AM

[ QUOTE ]
I havent read any of the replys, im sure its lots of people telling you to drink weight gainer and work out. But maybe this has been mentioned.

uhm, eat a large pizza, drink a crap load of water, and dont take a dump. You can make the number on the scale go up by 10 pretty easily. I could be 10 pounds heavier in a couple hours if I wanted to. Just do that.

[/ QUOTE ]

Great, now I'm starving.

PokerBob

09-14-2005, 01:22 PM

the same way sorority girls do year after year: beer and cock.

09-14-2005, 01:27 PM

Get some weight gain formula at GNC. You have the much better end of this bet dude. You can gain 10 pounds in a week easily if you do this.

09-14-2005, 01:47 PM

[ QUOTE ]
i bet my dad 100 bucks that he could not lose 15 pounds before i gained 10. it was an easy bet because there is no way my dad would ever be able to lose 15 pounds. however we just had a family tragedy and he has not been eating and now i am in danger of losing the bet. i need to gain 10 pounds in a few weeks. what should i eat/do to gain weight quickly without feeling like i want to die?

[/ QUOTE ]

The problem appears to me that you lack a heart. A heart can easily weigh several pounds when filled with blood. If I were you, I would try growing a heart. If after you grow a heart, you are still concerned about this bet AND you are short on the weight, try taking a syringe and injecting yourself with lead.

C'mon, drop the bet and support your father.

LLL