Rap/Hip Hop Fans tell me what you think.

[siccjay]

Just check this verse out. Tell me what you think. As you will hear, it's the beginning of a story type track.

Any comments are appreciated.

http://s41.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0YWIRNRJU7LM13L7Z89QLWU0HW

[smokingrobot]

can i trust you that this isnt a virus?

[smokingrobot]

also please keep these vida pics coming.

did you take these yourself? they dont look like it was a staged event...

[siccjay]

err why would I post a virus in a forum i read everyday for WAY TOO MANY hours a day

[Voltron87]

meh.

[siccjay]

[ QUOTE ]
meh.

[/ QUOTE ]

good post

[smokingrobot]

which part did you contribute to?

the beat aint bad... dont recognize the sample (the one that carries the melody, or the repeated pattern that double times before the vocalist enters, is that an acoustic guitar w/ some filters or keyboard?), although i aint the best beat head out there.

it needs a new drum kit. these drums are pretty generic.

can we hear some more? is there going to be a hook?

[Voltron87]

the beat is not shabby at all, but the vocals are what make it meh.

[siccjay]

hah

its probably just some generic free internet beat

i was looking more for comments on the lyrics/delivery/content/ etc etc etc

i think the song is finished but not recorded in completion

comments in this thread may determine if it gets finished

[smokingrobot]

the vocalist has a familiar style to him.. although i couldnt put my finger yet on who i think it sounds like...

i still think the drums could be better.

[siccjay]

[ QUOTE ]
the beat is not shabby at all, but the vocals are what make it meh.

[/ QUOTE ]

Please, be more specific.

[smokingrobot]

there we go, it reminds me of andre 3K circa aquemini in terms of his lyrics, his delivery however is who im trying to pin on him though...

[smokingrobot]

it has potential, but nobody can beat the greatest story rap out there - The Coup - Me and Jesus the Pimp in a '79 Granada

excellent song.

[siccjay]

Come on you dicks. I appreciate OOT's diverse music tastes.

[smokingrobot]

seems like you're stuck with the only losers not out on a saturday night.

[-Skeme-]

Mad aight.

[zokbarjazz]

it would be helpful to hear the chorus...see how the song fits together.

[Jman28]

[ QUOTE ]

i was looking more for comments on the lyrics/delivery/content/ etc etc etc

[/ QUOTE ]

I kinda like it. I think he has a good voice/style to him, and I am interested in the story so far. I'd like to hear the rest of the track.

My main problem with it is the rhyming. His rhyme scheme is too simple, only rhyming 1 syllable usually, and sometimes not even that.

Too many 'kind of' rhymes for me, like 'ousted' and 'outlet' , 'into' and 'want to' etc. I think it's totally okay to make 'close' rhymes when they are part of a 3+ syllable rhyme, but not when they are on their own. Does that make sense?

[newhizzle]

[ QUOTE ]
it would be helpful to hear the chorus...see how the song fits together.

[/ QUOTE ]

i dont think the hook matters, lyrically its straight, i got boys that could probly eat him, but it aint bad, far superior to most of the [censored] on the radio and MTV

[IggyWH]

From what you got there I don't think it's too bad and has some potential. I enjoy a good story track, but few can do them right anymore.

It's just like reading a book though. If you read the whole thing and it's great but the ending is crap, then the book is going to be crap.

I really have to hear the track in full before I can give it a good critique.

[siccjay]

Thanks all.

That was probably recorded 2 years ago. I was just tryin to see how people felt about the delivery and voice more than the story as of now. It was just recorded on a computer with no professional mixing or mastering either.

When and if there ever is a finished track, I'll be sure to post it.

Thanks again.

[smokingrobot]

are you an engineer? how are you involved in this track?

Yeah the mix needs changed but other than that it's pretty good.

[siccjay]

[ QUOTE ]
are you an engineer? how are you involved in this track?

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm trying to learn production but I have nothing to do with this track. It's just a buddy I grew up with that we discovered had a decent voice and was a pretty creative writer. I'm more than likely going to be funding an album once we get everything worked out. None of us really have much of an idea of what we are getting into.

It was funny, we just threw on the instumental for Paparrazi and he freestyled to it. We recorded it and played it back and were like, damn, you aren't that bad.

When this song was recorded he had probably been rapping/writing for 3 or 4 months.

[smokingrobot]

damn not bad. i've been patiently waiting to start doing some beat production. as for now i collect records for sampling although my turntable recently broke (i dont have technics, im no dj, i just wanna make beats, figure i could learn to some cutting and scratching on the way).

so i need a new belt to listen to my possible gold mines. im also planning on picking up an Akai MPC3000 at some point in the near future.

that papparazi is a great track too.