Horrible/crazy/funny roommate stories?

[Unoriginalname]

The last 5 years of my life (mostly college, I'm 23 now) I've always roommed in dorms and apartments with emotionally and mentally sound good friends of mine. We never fought or had any issues. While this was good for my stress levels, I am now left without any awesomely horrible roommate experiences and stories.

Surely, all of you couldn't have been as lucky as me. Tell me your horrible/crazy/funny roommate stories.

[TheMainEvent]

Wasn't my roommate, but I knew a guy who got drunk and passed out on the top bunk, then pissed the bed and it started dripping down to the other roommate on the bottom. Not very nice.

[Shajen]

My first roommate in the Corps was a raging drunk.

One saturday morning I returned to the barracks room and opened the door to a horrible stench.

In the middle of the floor was a pile of poop that had been smashed into the carpet.

My roommate was passed out in his rack. His feet were sticking out from under the covers and his right foot was covered in his own [censored]. It was mashed up between his toes, on top of his foot, it was nasty. I threw a chair at him to wake him up and the fucker just laughed. He wasn't laughing later when he sobered up some. So gross.

He'd gotten so hammered drunk he couldn't crawl to the bathroom to take a dump, so he fell out of bed and [censored] on the floor.

This same kid also woke up one time after a long night of drinking, opened the VCR slot thingy and pissed in into it. Lucky for him, it was his and not mine. I moved rooms not too long after that, but apparently his drunken antics continued on well after I left.

[Shajen]

http://www.madlassgrin.co.uk/images/killthread.gif

[Claunchy]

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Yeah, smooshed feces tends to do that.

[TheIrishThug]

i can;t follow that but here's what i got.

like the 2nd week of freshman yr, my rm disappeared for 3 days. never saying he was going anywhere, but he had a gf that went to school a few blocks away so i wasn't concerned. when he does finaly decide to check in, its a phone call at 3am asking me not to come back to the room for at least another 90mins cause his gf was over.

[TheMainEvent]

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like the 2nd week of freshman yr, my rm disappeared for 3 days. never saying he was going anywhere, but he had a gf that went to school a few blocks away so i wasn't concerned. when he does finaly decide to check in, its a phone call at 3am asking me not to come back to the room for at least another 90mins cause his gf was over

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I don't get it /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[FouTight]

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like the 2nd week of freshman yr, my rm disappeared for 3 days. never saying he was going anywhere, but he had a gf that went to school a few blocks away so i wasn't concerned. when he does finaly decide to check in, its a phone call at 3am asking me not to come back to the room for at least another 90mins cause his gf was over

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I don't get it /images/graemlins/confused.gif

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See, the girl, she pooped in the middle of the floor, and stepped in it... big mess.

[Punker]

We had a roommate who had a cold and was taking Sudafed. This made him feel good enough to go out to the college bar for a few drinks. He came back and re-read the label which clearly states not to mix with alcohol.

After staggering back to his room, his girlfriend came over to see whether she could keep him alive. From the sounds in the room, he appeared to be a substantial underdog. We were sitting out watching tv and suddenly we hear the door to his room rattling. Rattling. Loud profanities. We advise him to turn the handle before opening the door, and finally it opens and he goes flying by in his leopard skin speedo, and pukes in the bathroom for about 10 minutes, emptying his stomach and quite possibly several internal organs.

Truly disgusting. But hilarious! For the next two years, the "turn the handle first" and the leopard skin speedo were sources of constant taunting.

[NutCrackerr]

I once had a roommate who would stay up late getting loaded all the time. One morning I'm leaving the apartment, walk through the living room, there he is passed out on the couch, sitting in an upright position, pants around his knees, one hand on his johnson, and some midget porn on the tv. I let that one slide.

A couple weeks later I am woken up around midnight to the sounds of a coctail party. I went out to ask my roomate to keep it down, and I'm looking at 9 total strangers. I ask Where's B? He's still at the bar, he gave us the keys to come over and chill. Roommate shows up about an hour later, walks in and immediately passes out. I let it slide.

A few weeks later, I get a bill for $450 from a late night porn surfing party. (He blamed it on a friend of his).

He moved out 3 days later. He's still one of my best friends, but I'll never have a rommate again.

[The Armchair]

Sophomore year, same roommate as a frosh. He was a good roommate until the last eight weeks of school. He was a big pot head which didn't bother me because we agreed he'd only fulfill his drug habit elsewhere. But that changed: he went skiing over spring break, tore his ACL, and was pretty much room-bound for the rest of the semester. Oh, and he (naturally) got hooked on his pain killers and muscle relaxers.

Being homebound gives one a lot of time to think, and it only follows that sooner or later, you'll come up with a novel idea which seems great but is obviously insane. That day came about two weeks into his self-inflicted purgatory.

One day, while I'm away, he decides that he wants to loft his bed. This isn't all that difficult, he figures, because the beds are naturally bunkable. The metal frames interlock, allowing one bed to be about 5' to 6' off the ground while the other is about 18".

His theory was to combine the beds as per usual, but pop my bed frame -- the bottom one -- out from the contraption. Yes, this would put my bed about two inches off the ground, and no, he didn't consider this effect. But he also didn't consider the other effect: that the bottom bed stabilized the entire bunk, and that a bunkbed divided shall not stand.

So, I come home from class about 4pm to see his masterpiece. I point out that it won't work and that in any event, I don't want my bed to be two inches off the ground. Genius roommate goes to get cinder blocks (remember, he's on crutches and has a torn ACL) to fix the problem; I offer to help, but point out again that the loft will fall. He ignores my plea and my offer.

An hour later he and three friends show up with four cinder blocks (he wasn't carrying any). His dumbass friend carrying two of the blocks takes one and, with the ease of autistic child tying his shoe, lobs one of them onto my roommate's lofted bed.

Within 30 seconds, two RAs, seven other students, and a campus cop who (lucky us!) just happened to be in the building descended on our room, wondering what could have possibly exploded and whether anyone was hurt. Thankfully, the only thing hurt was, ironically enough, my roommate's right crutch, which was bent in half as he brilliantly had leaned it against the bed frame and under the loft.

No harm, no foul, one would think, and indeed, that is what happened -- with one exception: The cop asked where we got the cinder blocks from. I, being naive on a number of levels, informed him that they just showed up with it (how was I to know?). Apparently, the officer was in the building because someone had gone into a freshman dorm room and, you guessed it, stolen their cinder blocks.

Thankfully for my roommate, the officer was so concerned with having them transported back that he did not notice the lit bong on my roommate's desk.

[Freakin]

My roommate freshman year took 4 double shots of 151 in about 10 minutes, then started drinking a 40. He was trying to talk to some chick on IM, lost the ability to read/focus (i'm still not sure which) and had to puke. Since there was no garbage can handy, he tried to puke out the window (of our 6th floor room). He didn't lean over far enough to make it to the window, and instead he puked a bunch of clam chowder into our heater. It was a big wall unit that was built in and practically unservicable if something broke. I nearly killed him.


A few days later he raided the janitor cart and got a bunch of windex and crap which he poured into the same place that he puked... it actually worked.

Freakin

[canis582]

I used to live in a 6 single suite with one common room. One of my roommates came back with a pellet gun after spring break and decided to shoot some targets out the window (our window faced a wooded hill). After that got boring, he started taking out squirells and birds. Some how, we never got in trouble.

[oddjob]

my roommate picked up some drunk girl, and brought her home. he awoke when she got out of bed, completely naked, opened up his sock drawer, took a piss in it, and climbed right back into bed. he stayed awake horrified by this act. we found him the next morning scrubbing the piss out of the carpet.

good stuff, and luckily he needed to do laundry so there were like 2 mismatched socks in the drawer.

[oddjob]

thought of another story. i lived in a house with 5 other guys (never, ever do this). we had an attic, we called teh drug attic, for obvious reasons. the staircase was for some reason in the only useable bathroom in the house (also make sure you have multiple bathrooms if you're living with 5 other people)

i was taking a dump when i heard people walking down the stairs. this was startling to me cause all my roommates were downstairs. i asked whoever it was to give me a minute, but they were so bombed they didn't even know their own names. this is how i found out there were 2 people living in our attic for the past 3 days. it explained the missing food from our kitchen though.

[djj6835]

Freshman year of college one of our roomates moved out. A girl who hated here roomates decided she wanted to move in with us. She did and one night got really drunk and passed out in her bed. Later that night I wake up to the sound of here getting out of bed and then I watch as she walks over, pulls her pants down, and squats right in front of my face. I ask here what she is doing and she replies "Going to the bathroom". I then explain that this is clearly my face and not the toilet so she then climbs back into bed. Apparently she didn't remeber any of this because the nect morning she asked us why she wasn't wearing any pants.

[Zurvan]

I lived with 3 of my army buddies for about 4 months, the last semester of high school (I was in the Reserves). We were the only one of our friends that had our own place - everyone else lived with their parents (the Army Reserve doesn't pay well).

One night, about 10 of us go out drinking. 2 of the guys pick up some hogs, and bring them back to our place - no problem, standard Thursday night. I'm totally wasted, so I go barf. I come back to my room, stumble in the dark, and as I'm falling in to bed, my hand lands on a VERY large thigh. WTF?? My buddy tells me he's busy, says to sleep in my roommates bed. No prob, so I go sleep (on the floor) in my roommates room.

About an hour later, one of the guys sticks his head in the door. "Hey, I just [censored] this (other) fat chick ... Marty (3rd roomie) is doing her now, and she wants you guys after. You in?" Clearly, we're both too hammered (and she was at least 250), so we say no. And lock the door. It's a good thing, because she came downstairs looking for some action later.

[Indiana]

Ok so I've been away...I got the nickname "Pee in Fridge Boy" my freshman year at NC State after peeing in my roomies fridge at 3am after getting shitfaced with some friends the night before. Funny part was how it went down. In my drunken stupor I carefully pulled out the top tray of his fridge and took a leak in it, just as one would do in the toilet. Midway through my piss my roomate awakens, looks down at me and goes, "Dude that's my [censored]." I look up at him (cause I can't figure out why he's mad) look back down, look back at him, look back down, and finally realize what the phuck I am doing and I go..."Ah Chit." That's how I got the nickname, and all the girls wanted to bone me cause they thought I was cool after that??? Never understood women.

Indy

[ddubois]

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like the 2nd week of freshman yr, my rm disappeared for 3 days. never saying he was going anywhere, but he had a gf that went to school a few blocks away so i wasn't concerned. when he does finaly decide to check in, its a phone call at 3am asking me not to come back to the room for at least another 90mins cause his gf was over.

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Wtf. Not only is this not a "horrible/crazy/funny" story, it's not even a story.

You may as well have said: "This one time, my roomate ordered pizza, but couldn't eat it all, so he ate the rest later." That would have been equally interesting.

[Amid Cent]

My roommate freshman year thought he was Jim Morrison reincarnate. Jim died while my roomie's mother was pregnant with him, so he figured Jim was reborn inside him. We lived on the top story of an 8 floor dorm, and every weekend evening, he would take off all of his clothes, paint his face black and green like a hunter would do, and stare out into the darkness for hours at a time. While he was doing this, he would listen to a tape of Apocalypse Now. NOT the music, but the actual script from the movie. "The horror... the horror... "

The worst part of this lunancy, was that there were ZERO drugs or alcohol involved - he was just naturally F***D up.

[GrannyMae]

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The last 5 years of my life (mostly college, I'm 23 now) I've always roommed in dorms and apartments with emotionally and mentally sound good friends of mine. We never fought or had any issues. While this was good for my stress levels, I am now left without any awesomely horrible roommate experiences and stories.

Surely, all of you couldn't have been as lucky as me. Tell me your horrible/crazy/funny roommate stories.

[/ QUOTE ]

when i was in college (wayyy back), i woke up during a drunken pass-out with my genitals in my frat president's mouth.

please do not ask if it felt good. i refuse to answer

[bravos1]

OK.. so I just moved out to California after grad'ing from college and myself and 3 other buddy's were renting a house together. Me, 2 of my roomates and about 12 other people are partying it up in the backyard when my 3rd roomate comes out buck naked. Nothing new for him as he always seemed to lose much of his clothes when he got drunk /images/graemlins/confused.gif Anyhow, he explains how he took 5 shots of grain alchohol about 10 minutes ago and now has to take a piss. He says that he is going to piss some major fire. So he proceeds to piss into our fire pit we had going. He figured with all he had to drink his piss would be flammable. (yes he was this dumb sober too!) Upset that his pecker was not a flamethrower he vanished for a few minutes. He then returns, still naked, but carrying a bucket from the garage. He gathers everyone's attention will some whacked out speech and then dumps the bucket into the fire with a hip thrusting motion. Next thing I see is a big ball of fire headed to the sky and then see him dancing around the friggin yard like a fool screaming like crazy. We find out later that he went to the garage and filled this bucket about 1/3 full with gasoline. While pouring it into the bucket, he splashed gas all over his waist and genitals. We ended up calling 911 and an ambulance rushed him to the hospital because he was burnt pretty bad (2nd and 3rd degree burns on his pecker and stomach. From that day on we always referred to him as the The Flaming Dick.

[lucas9000]

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i can;t follow that but here's what i got.

like the 2nd week of freshman yr, my rm disappeared for 3 days. never saying he was going anywhere, but he had a gf that went to school a few blocks away so i wasn't concerned. when he does finaly decide to check in, its a phone call at 3am asking me not to come back to the room for at least another 90mins cause his gf was over.

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this is a really, really lame story.

[ghostface]

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like the 2nd week of freshman yr, my rm disappeared for 3 days. never saying he was going anywhere, but he had a gf that went to school a few blocks away so i wasn't concerned. when he does finaly decide to check in, its a phone call at 3am asking me not to come back to the room for at least another 90mins cause his gf was over

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I don't get it /images/graemlins/confused.gif

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See, the girl, she pooped in the middle of the floor, and stepped in it... big mess.

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After the first story I could barely contain my beverage, but it came spewing out after this comment.

[2+2 wannabe]

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like the 2nd week of freshman yr, my rm disappeared for 3 days. never saying he was going anywhere, but he had a gf that went to school a few blocks away so i wasn't concerned. when he does finaly decide to check in, its a phone call at 3am asking me not to come back to the room for at least another 90mins cause his gf was over.

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Wtf. Not only is this not a "horrible/crazy/funny" story, it's not even a story.

You may as well have said: "This one time, my roomate ordered pizza, but couldn't eat it all, so he ate the rest later." That would have been equally interesting.

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what kind of pizza?