Do you have a best friend?

[Sooga]

I was curious about this, because I don't. I never have.

I'm sure we all have buddies we all go out with to party, or drink, or play cards, or whatever. These are not best friends (actually, one might be, but probably doubtful). A best friend would be someone that you would completely trust in telling ANYTHING to, and vice versa. Say, if one of you had accidentally run over and killed someone while driving one night, and there were no witnesses, you'd completely trust the other enough to tell what had happened and ask for advice. I'm also reminded of an old Brand Nubian line, "everybody love a star when he on top.... nobody comes around when the star starts to drop." A best friend would be someone who'd be there and have your back, even when you're at rock bottom.

Also, I'm sure some of you get along with your brothers/sisters/etc very well, but for the sake of this poll, family members are not included.

[Niwa]

yes.

[Vince Young]

[ QUOTE ]
yes.

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[David04]

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yes.

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[Sephus]

why are there more people voting in the second poll than no in the first?

[Mr_J]

I'm good lookin and smooth. I don't need guy friends.

[Huskiez]

[ QUOTE ]
why are there more people voting in the second poll than no in the first?

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Clearly this poll (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=exchange&Number=3204896&Fo rum=,,,,,,,All_Forums,,,,,,,&Words=&Searchpage=6&L imit=25&Main=3204896&Search=true&where=&Name=41431 &daterange=&newerval=&newertype=&olderval=&olderty pe=&bodyprev=#Post3204896) needs to be redone.

[OtisTheMarsupial]

Yes. I will marry that person.

Often have had a best friend. Few times in my life I did not.

[Sooga]

Yea, I probably should have put the question in bold, and then made it one of those color-changing seizure-inducing gifs so that the morans in here would read it.

[webmonarch]

I voted "No" to the first and "Yes" to the second. Right now, I have a very good group of guy friends and several close friends that are girls. Now, of the friends that are girls, I would probably share most anything with at least one of them, but I'm not sure I would share the same thing with all of them, you know?

I personally like my set-up now. I'll save the best friend thing for a future wife or LT girlfriend.

[Josh W]

Yeah, I have a best friend...my girlfriend.

But the thing is, I think I'm closer to a lot of my friends than a lot of people are to theirs. The reason I think this is because I'm the best friend of a lot of people.

I think this is because I'm very open and honest with people. It harbors a feeling of closeness. I know a few people (you included, Sooga) who aren't very open (for whatever reason), and none of them have best friends.

Josh

[Sooga]

Yes, that is very true, I am not open with anyone (even my family). I like to keep people at arm's length, and while that makes it impossible for me to form any really close relationships to people, it also takes the potential of betrayal and true loss out of the equation as well. Perhaps it's inhuman to go through life like this, but hey, that's my choice.

The funny thing, Josh, is that you're one of the few people that I'm more open with than others. So if you think I'm not open, you can only imagine what others might think about me.

[Sponger15SB]

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Yeah, I have a best friend...my girlfriend.

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LAAAAAAMEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Josh W]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Yeah, I have a best friend...my girlfriend.

[/ QUOTE ]

LAAAAAAMEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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I knew I'd get this response, and that's fine.

Thing is, before I started dating this girl, I lived with two very close buddies of mine from college/work. They commented that I was the happiest person they ever knew. My officemate at work was amazed at how upbeat and happy I always was.

As Sooga said, I was on the gravy train with biscuit wheels. Life was picture perfect, and then some.

I'm now twice as happy, or moreso.

And this happiness includes the negative affect of dealing with ignorant onlookers such as yourself.

I sincerely pity you.

Josh

[Klepton]

my brother is my best friend.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

[Wake up CALL]

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Yeah, I have a best friend...my girlfriend.

Josh

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I'm pretty sure you are incorrect according to the required definition of the OP.

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A best friend would be someone that you would completely trust in telling ANYTHING to, and vice versa .

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[Josh W]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Yeah, I have a best friend...my girlfriend.

Josh

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm pretty sure you are incorrect according to the required definition of the OP.

[ QUOTE ]
A best friend would be someone that you would completely trust in telling ANYTHING to, and vice versa .

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

We aren't married. As such, we aren't family members (yet). And we do tell each other everything.

Like I said in my first post, I have lots of close friends because I'm very open. If I'm very open to 'friends', then you can understand that I'll tell ANYTHING to my girlfriend.

It's the only way to live.

Josh

[touchfaith]

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[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Yeah, I have a best friend...my girlfriend.

Josh

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I'm pretty sure you are incorrect according to the required definition of the OP.

[ QUOTE ]
A best friend would be someone that you would completely trust in telling ANYTHING to, and vice versa .

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

We aren't married. As such, we aren't family members (yet). And we do tell each other everything.

Like I said in my first post, I have lots of close friends because I'm very open. If I'm very open to 'friends', then you can understand that I'll tell ANYTHING to my girlfriend.

It's the only way to live.

Josh

[/ QUOTE ]

Don't listen to them. Envy is most often masked by contempt.

I on the other hand have absolutely no problem saying that I envy you.

[Wake up CALL]

Thinman,

You of all people should realize the vice-versa portion is where the best friend definition will fail Josh.

[Eurotrash]

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my brother is my best friend.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

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you, sir, are on a gravy train that I daresay has biscuit wheels!

[touchfaith]

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Thinman,

You of all people should realize the vice-versa portion is where the best friend definition will fail Josh.

[/ QUOTE ]

When discussing 'best-friend', the vise-versa portion is implied.

[STLantny]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm good lookin and smooth. I don't need guy friends.

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If you dont have any guy friends, you are gay. Do you see why?

[Josh W]

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Thinman,

You of all people should realize the vice-versa portion is where the best friend definition will fail Josh.

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Nope. Try again. As she says, I know more about her than she does. We are very open.

Again, the only way to live.

Josh

[Mr_J]

"If you dont have any guy friends, you are gay. Do you see why?"

I'm gay because I prefer chatting up & f*cking girls instead of hanging out with guys. Yeh.

[STLantny]

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"If you dont have any guy friends, you are gay. Do you see why?"

I'm gay because I prefer chatting up & f*cking girls instead of hanging out with guys. Yeh.

[/ QUOTE ]


Yes, if you identify more with girls, and the same subjects as them, moreso than your guy friends, you have a little too much estrogen flowing through your veins.

[Mr_J]

"Yes, if you identify more with girls, and the same subjects as them, moreso than your guy friends, you have a little too much estrogen flowing through your veins."

Lol where'd you get that from. I spend time with them for sexual reasons, nothing else. I don't do relationships.

What I love besides girls: sports, anything with an engine and making money. Pretty feminine stuff.

[STLantny]

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"Yes, if you identify more with girls, and the same subjects as them, moreso than your guy friends, you have a little too much estrogen flowing through your veins."

Lol where'd you get that from. I spend time with them for sexual reasons, nothing else. I don't do relationships.

What I love besides girls: sports, anything with an engine and making money. Pretty feminine stuff.

[/ QUOTE ]


Oh, Ok. You are really smooth than. You ahve to spend ALL your time, trying to get a girl into bed, listening to thier drivel, rather than being able to have a fun night out with friends. Ya, thats the smoothest thing Ive ever heard. 7 hours of mind-numbing, eye-glazing yapping about tampons and kittens, for what I assume is, in your case, 5 minutes of druken fun at the end of the night.

[Mr_J]

"You ahve to spend ALL your time, trying to get a girl into bed,"

Doesn't take much time at all. Either she wants to sleep with you or she doesn't. Always plenty of girls looking for flings.

"rather than being able to have a fun night out with friends."

Never said I just pick up girls. I've got plenty of people I'll hang out with, I just wouldn't call them good friends. I know plenty of people at my regular spots, guys I ride with etc just wouldn't call them good friends.

"7 hours of mind-numbing, eye-glazing yapping about tampons and kittens, for what I assume is, in your case, 5 minutes of druken fun at the end of the night."

Not even close.

[STLantny]

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"You ahve to spend ALL your time, trying to get a girl into bed,"

Doesn't take much time at all. Either she wants to sleep with you or she doesn't. Always plenty of girls looking for flings.

"rather than being able to have a fun night out with friends."

Never said I just pick up girls. I've got plenty of people I'll hang out with, I just wouldn't call them good friends. I know plenty of people at my regular spots, guys I ride with etc just wouldn't call them good friends.

"7 hours of mind-numbing, eye-glazing yapping about tampons and kittens, for what I assume is, in your case, 5 minutes of druken fun at the end of the night."

Not even close.

[/ QUOTE ]


AAhhhhh, now I see where you are comming from. You are 18. I was just like that too, when I was your age, except probably much more successful at it. So much so that it tends to start backfiring more and more, and word spreads taht you are only out to have sex with the chick etc. Its not a good situation. You are most likely in a phase, and not going to even hear what Im saying, but you will end up findign that your friends (ecspecially guy-friends) are the only thing you hvae to keep you sane. If you dont have at least 1 or 2 good friends, you have some type of problem.

[Mr_J]

"You are 18"
"You are most likely in a phase"

No I'm 22 now but yeh it is just a phase. If the right girl comes along I won't be able to say no.

Good friends, well we all went our seperate ways a couple of years ago and it takes time to become great mates, and I've never been in the same place for very long. That's fine with me for the moment, I've got the rest of my life in front of me.

[STLantny]

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"You are 18"
"You are most likely in a phase"

No I'm 22 now but yeh it is just a phase. If the right girl comes along I won't be able to say no.

Good friends, well we all went our seperate ways a couple of years ago and it takes time to become great mates, and I've never been in the same place for very long. That's fine with me for the moment, I've got the rest of my life in front of me.

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Basically, my point was, that this cynical view (even though you may not think it is) ends up backfiring when you are trying to score. Trust me. You need to start making friends, and surround yourself with people that make you happy and you can feed off, and vice versa. Then you will have the best of both worlds, good friends, good times, good fuks, and no bad reputation.

[LethalRose]

yes.

[CaptSensible]

This is a very interesting topic.
I have one person in my life right now that I would call a best friend. They've always been there for me when I've needed help. We've gotten through a couple trouble spots that have come up. etc etc...
I have a few people in my life that I would call "very good friends". People I've known for many years and I'm close with but some of them have moved out of town/state or I don't keep very close contact with.

A therapist said this to me: "if in your life you have 1-2 friends who you totally trust and have an intimate bond with then you are doing better than most. It's a rare thing."

I find it harder as I get older to find like minded people with whom I can forge this kind of bond but it's an extremely important thing for me to have in my life.
Without it my life becomes a little less pleasurable and much more difficult to endure because it creates feelings of loneliness and emptyness.

I derive a great amount of pleasure from sharing things I enjoy with other people. The people I enjoy that kind of sharing with the most are people with whom I feel I really understand and that they really understand me.

Keep in mind: I've had best friends in the past that I'm no longer friends with. That's part of life. Particularly when your younger and as you start to get older. People change, values shift, etc...

It's worth it for me to:

1. pay close attention to those relationships most important to me. Never to take them for granted.

2. keep myself open to be available for opportunities to create those kinds of friendships.

---

One of the ways, I think, to build those kinds of friendships is to talk about important/intimate things such as how you are really feeling, fears, aspirations, important things that are going on in your life, etc, etc...

I hope you find a "best friend"/"very good friend". It really makes life a lot more interesting /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[lu_hawk]

my dog is my best friend. my last dog was my best friend before him.

[Sooga]

[ QUOTE ]

A therapist said this to me: "if in your life you have 1-2 friends who you totally trust and have an intimate bond with then you are doing better than most. It's a rare thing."


[/ QUOTE ]

Before this poll, I thought I must have been a freak for not having someone I consider a 'best friend'. But looking at the polls, the 'haves' only outnumber the 'have nots' by less than a 3:2 ratio. I'm very surprised at this result.

I suppose I'm part of the smaller minority to never have had a 'best friend', but I still find it interesting that as of this moment, so many people on this board, like myself, don't really have that strong 'friend' bond with anyone. Your therapist hit the nail right on the head.

Looking back, it's funny how much easier it seemed for me to make friends when I was younger than now. Back then, it wasn't hard to find another kid who shared the same love of candy, or legos, or whatever it was that you liked. As you get older though, people's interests are not only so much more diverse, but people themselves seem to be a lot more guarded and cynical, making it that much harder to find a truly 'best' friend.

Don't get me wrong, I would much rather have a best friend than not, but I think finding one would be such a huge undertaking, and filled with so many opportunities for things to go horribly wrong, that I don't much know if it's worth the trouble.

[EliteNinja]

yup

[CardSharpCook]

[ QUOTE ]

I find it harder as I get older to find like minded people with whom I can forge this kind of bond but it's an extremely important thing for me to have in my life.
Without it my life becomes a little less pleasurable and much more difficult to endure because it creates feelings of loneliness and emptyness.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think it was a Patrick Swayze movie - The Grey Ghost - it is about a football star, his GF, and his best friend. The movie cycles through the years. When he is like 35/40 his college bestfriend visits him and he gives this great monologue part of it goes something like, "...You think you're going to go through life with friends like you, me, and Susan. You don't."

I've certainly found that to be true. In elementary school, I always had a best friend, but in those 12 years, I think I had about 4 different guy friends who were my best friend. I found a new best friend in college. I haven't had a new best friend since. That was four years ago. Interestingly it may also coincide with the first time I fell in love. Maybe that's the answer - when we get older we need to find a best friend of the opposite sex.

Regardless, my life is certainly emptier for not having a best friend. It is always nice to be close to people.

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