funniest joke

In a recent newspaper article, results of a worldwide web survey were described which produced the following as the worlds funniest joke:


Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping, and pitch their tent under the stars. During the night, Holmes wakes his companion and says:


'Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce.’


Watson says: ‘I see millions of stars, and even if a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.'


Holmes replies: ‘No, you idiot. Somebody stole our tent.’

Great joke. I nominate this one:


Old man goes to the doctor. Doctor asks him what he can do for him. The old man says, "Doc, I'm plagued by silent gas emissions. Morning, noon and night, every hour of every day, silent gas emissions. In fact, right now, as we're speaking, silent gas emissions. What can we do, Doc, what can we do?"


Doctor replies, "Well, the first thing we're going to do is check your hearing."

Good one!! Reminds me of this one..

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office.


As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, may we help

you?"


"There's something wrong with my penis," he replied.


The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a

crowded office and say things like that."


"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.


"Because" replies the receptionist. "You've obviously caused some

embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is

something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem

further with the doctor in private."


The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.


The receptionist smiled smugly and asked "Yes?"


"There's something wrong with my ear" he stated.


The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled knowing he had taken her

advice. "And what is wrong with your ear sir?"


"I can't piss out of it," the man replied

. . .that was told by former President Reagan to my father (who used the same barber for years).


Man goes to the doctor and the doctor tells him he has bad news: his penis needs to be amputated.

The man is, needless to say, shocked. He asks the doctor if he's sure. The doctor says yes. The man says he wants a second opinion. Doctor says by all means, do get one.


Second doctor tells him the same thing: his penis needs amputation. The man simply can't believe it. He says he wants a third opinion. Second doctor says by all means, do get one.


Third doctor tells him he has good news. "You don't need to have your penis amputated."


"That's great," says the man. "How come?"


Doctor replies, "Because it will fall off by itself."