Puking and then macking

[ThaSaltCracka]

So I was chillin with my cousin last night, and we headed down to this bar for a birthday party for someone he knows. I proceed to get hella hammered of of beer and jello shots. Around 11, I go outside and puke my [censored] brains out. I did that for a few minutes. As I sit on the ground, with my puke in front of me, and on my pants, my cousin comes out and calls me a pussy, yada yada yada. So with the encouragment and a piece of winterfresh, I find my second wind.

So, I head inside and see this one hole that looks doable. She has a cute face, and a good body, except that she has a big booty. To bad they don't make ass bags, but I digress. So I go and pimp it, we dance for a little bit, grinding to some white trash music. She is there with her aunt and uncle, and they want to leave and they suggest I come over to their house with their niece. Hell yeah I am coming, my dick says. So we leave, my cousin stays because he has some other honey dip waiting for him. I ride in this chicks car, its just me, her, and the smell of my puke on my jeans. We get to her aunts house, and for some absurd reason, no one has a key /images/graemlins/ooo.gif, wtf is that? No one has a key TO THEIR [censored] HOUSE. So I tell them I will hop the fence and see if I can get in through the back. The uncle says, no don't do that, but I am too [censored] up to listen to anyone other than my johnson. So I hop the fence, and land firmly on my back. The uncle says you are outta here, and some how he walks through the house and grabs me in the backyard. I am shown the door by the big booty bitch I was hoping to tap. As I walked through the back yard I noticed that they had a pool of some sort. Damn, that could have been fun. So I am shown the door, and I proceed to try and find my cousins house. He lives in some town that I don't know at all, but I think I am close. So I start walking, and proceed to walk down a dead end. You win this time street. I turn around and head back where I came from, so I walk by the BBB's aunts house again. I keep on walking, and somehow find some park. I think that if I walk through this park I can get to my cousins house. I was wrong.

I backtrack and get to some street corner and call my cousin. He says that I am like a few blocks away, but I can't say for certain. I ask him to come pick me up and he says he will in a few. So while I am waiting at this corner, practically passed out, some ugly girl with a nice personality asks me if I am okay. I tell her I am hella lost and need a bj. She says, well the bj isn't a problem, but I am not so good with directions. Okay I made the last two lines up. She asks me if I would like a ride, and I say yes. She then asks me if I am a psycho, and I say no, but I am hammered. She gives me a ride, I get to my cousins house, there are two broads there, but they leave shortly afterwards. I pass out.

[DasLeben]

Did you just say "hella"?

[ThaSaltCracka]

OMG DasLesbian ROFL!!!11one

[DeadMoneyOC]

This sounds like an episode of Reno 911

[newfant]

Best post on here in days.

[KDawgCometh]

awesome story

[Piz0wn0reD!!!!!!]

i got down w/ a chick once after puking. I used zima to wash the taste out of my mouth.

[billymonk]

The post-puke mack is awesome, and on a lot of nights an essential move.

[STLantny]

[ QUOTE ]
i got down w/ a chick once after puking. I used zima to wash the taste out of my mouth.

[/ QUOTE ]

What did you use to get the zima taste out?

[ThaSaltCracka]

well played. I used beer to wash the taste out of my mouth.

[STLantny]

Or...

And the zima actually tasted better?

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
The post-puke mack is awesome, and on a lot of nights an essential move.

[/ QUOTE ]I like how you think, you're hired.

[mslif]

You really sound like a catch! /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[ThaSaltCracka]

she was going to be one lucky lady.

[mslif]

[ QUOTE ]
she was going to be one lucky lady.

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL... I have no doubts about that /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[fingokra]

liked the first response better, actually really did lol

[fingokra]

Good story, I think I did this about twice a week my first three years of college.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
Good story, I think I did this about twice a week my first three years of college.

[/ QUOTE ]really? I am amazed you are still alive. I hate puking, and this was probably the first time I have puked in about 2 years.

[Piz0wn0reD!!!!!!]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i got down w/ a chick once after puking. I used zima to wash the taste out of my mouth.

[/ QUOTE ]

What did you use to get the zima taste out?

[/ QUOTE ]

gin

[KDawgCometh]

what I want to know is how you cleared the fence without breaking your ankle

[kerssens]

Remember when I puked in the booth at TGI-Fridays? sweet memories.

[ThaSaltCracka]

it was a wood fence, about 6 feet high. I used a garbage can to get over it. Unfortunately, there wasn't a garbage can on the other side, so I basically just fell over.

[Piz0wn0reD!!!!!!]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Good story, I think I did this about twice a week my first three years of college.

[/ QUOTE ]really? I am amazed you are still alive. I hate puking, and this was probably the first time I have puked in about 2 years.

[/ QUOTE ]

i rarely puke now too. I pulled the "wake up hung over at 7am and puke and go back to bed" a few nights ago. That night was insane. long story short there was a trip to a strip club, the ER, a week later the operating room and court in a month or so. Ill post a trip report later.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
Remember when I puked in the booth at TGI-Fridays? sweet memories.

[/ QUOTE ]yeah, this was a LOT of puke though. I probably yacked about 5 times.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Good story, I think I did this about twice a week my first three years of college.

[/ QUOTE ]really? I am amazed you are still alive. I hate puking, and this was probably the first time I have puked in about 2 years.

[/ QUOTE ]

i rarely puke now too. I pulled the "wake up hung over at 7am and puke and go back to bed" a few nights ago. That night was insane. long story short there was a trip to a strip club, the ER, a week later the operating room and court in a month or so. Ill post a trip report later.

[/ QUOTE ]post it now.

[kerssens]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Remember when I puked in the booth at TGI-Fridays? sweet memories.

[/ QUOTE ]yeah, this was a LOT of puke though. I probably yacked about 5 times.

[/ QUOTE ]

But did you have a steak and shrimp dinner in your fridge when you woke up the next morning?

[Brad22]

[ QUOTE ]
Best post on here in days.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hells yeah it was, keep em comin' SaltCracka

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Remember when I puked in the booth at TGI-Fridays? sweet memories.

[/ QUOTE ]yeah, this was a LOT of puke though. I probably yacked about 5 times.

[/ QUOTE ]

But did you have a steak and shrimp dinner in your fridge when you woke up the next morning?

[/ QUOTE ]no /images/graemlins/mad.gif

[Piz0wn0reD!!!!!!]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Good story, I think I did this about twice a week my first three years of college.

[/ QUOTE ]really? I am amazed you are still alive. I hate puking, and this was probably the first time I have puked in about 2 years.

[/ QUOTE ]

i rarely puke now too. I pulled the "wake up hung over at 7am and puke and go back to bed" a few nights ago. That night was insane. long story short there was a trip to a strip club, the ER, a week later the operating room and court in a month or so. Ill post a trip report later.

[/ QUOTE ]post it now.

[/ QUOTE ]

cant, gonna go watch prideFC live on ppv. Ill post it when i get back. It was a long night, so it will be a fairly long post.

[billymonk]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Good story, I think I did this about twice a week my first three years of college.

[/ QUOTE ]really? I am amazed you are still alive. I hate puking, and this was probably the first time I have puked in about 2 years.

[/ QUOTE ]

No one actually likes puking, that's a given, but since it happens from time to time, there are occasions where you gotta force more alcohol into your now empty gut, find a girl, any girl will do, and demean her by forcing her to make out, and ideally more, with your disgusting stank-breath.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Best post on here in days.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hells yeah it was, keep em comin' SaltCracka

[/ QUOTE ]I'll try guys, hopefully you all can continue to live vicariously through me.

I just want to point out that I actually posted this both amusing and embarrasing story under my real name and not some newly created account. I have no shame.

[ThaSaltCracka]

very true. Best part about last night...FREE DRINKS.

[billymonk]

[ QUOTE ]
very true. Best part about last night...FREE DRINKS.

[/ QUOTE ]

As I just very recently read, the only thing better than free alcohol is stolen alcohol. You really can't argue with either.

[David04]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Best post on here in days.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hells yeah it was, keep em comin' SaltCracka

[/ QUOTE ]I'll try guys, hopefully you all can continue to live vicariously through me.

I just want to point out that I actually posted this both amusing and embarrasing story under my real name and not some newly created account. I have no shame.

[/ QUOTE ]
Of course, you want all the posts you can get. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

Funny story.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
very true. Best part about last night...FREE DRINKS.

[/ QUOTE ]

As I just very recently read, the only thing better than free alcohol is stolen alcohol. You really can't argue with either.

[/ QUOTE ]you need to write a book. Someone would buy it.

[billymonk]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
very true. Best part about last night...FREE DRINKS.

[/ QUOTE ]

As I just very recently read, the only thing better than free alcohol is stolen alcohol. You really can't argue with either.

[/ QUOTE ]you need to write a book. Someone would buy it.

[/ QUOTE ]

You're probably right.

[KDawgCometh]

[ QUOTE ]
So I start walking, and proceed to walk down a dead end. You win this time street.

[/ QUOTE ]



this is the second time reading this through, and this line still cracks me up the most. pure gold

[lu_hawk]

your post was too long to read but i did read your subject and once i made out with a girl right after she had puked. i was probably about 14. i didn't know at the time but my friends told me later.

[ThaSaltCracka]

you should really read it.

[Boris]

Simply Awesome. The uncle is douchebag.

[nolanfan34]

Awesome story. Having met you makes this story infinitely funnier as well.

i think you should return, sans covered in puke

[mcb]

classic story. had me laughing out loud.

[bwana devil]

[ QUOTE ]
i got down w/ a chick once after puking. I used zima to wash the taste out of my mouth.

[/ QUOTE ]

wow, the chick tasted that nasty?

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
Puking and jacking off later at home

[/ QUOTE ]

FYP

[TheBlueMonster]

damn son

[ThaSaltCracka]

/images/graemlins/grin.gif /images/graemlins/blush.gif /images/graemlins/tongue.gif /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[Piz0wn0reD!!!!!!]

[ QUOTE ]
your post was too long to read but i did read your subject and once i made out with a girl right after she had puked. i was probably about 14. i didn't know at the time but my friends told me later.

[/ QUOTE ]

well it looks like you got owned.

[BottlesOf]

Incredible.

[BottlesOf]

[ QUOTE ]
pulled the "wake up hung over at 7am and puke and go back to bed" a few nights ago.

[/ QUOTE ]

I pull this move a lot. Usually more like 9 or 10 am though.

[ghostface]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i got down w/ a chick once after puking. I used zima to wash the taste out of my mouth.

[/ QUOTE ]

What did you use to get the zima taste out?

[/ QUOTE ]

Exactly what I was thinking.

[ThaSaltCracka]

This is the only bump I will do, just thought some of you who missed this, might like it.

[durron597]

[ QUOTE ]
This is the only bump I will do, just thought some of you who missed this, might like it.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm glad you bumped this...

[imported_The Vibesman]

[ QUOTE ]
She has a cute face, and a good body, especially because she has a big booty.

[/ QUOTE ]

FYP

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
This is the only bump I will do, just thought some of you who missed this, might like it.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm glad you bumped this...

[/ QUOTE ]yeah, its pretty comical.

[jakethebake]

Very nice story. But where was the macking? Maybe you should stick to the library or bookstore or whatever.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
Very nice story. But where was the macking? Maybe you should stick to the library or bookstore or whatever.

[/ QUOTE ]Hey old Man, clearly macking was going on, how else can you explain me getting the oppurtunity to royally [censored]-up easy ass.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
]Hey old Man, clearly macking was going on, how else can you explain me getting the oppurtunity to royally [censored]-up easy ass.

[/ QUOTE ]

I wonder what her parents would think of her aunt & uncle inviting guys home with them?

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
]Hey old Man, clearly macking was going on, how else can you explain me getting the oppurtunity to royally [censored]-up easy ass.

[/ QUOTE ]

I wonder what her parents would think of her aunt & uncle inviting guys home with them?

[/ QUOTE ]I think there is a high probability that her Aunt and Uncle are also her Mom and Dad.

Think about it.

[kerssens]

I'm surprised you puked, I've seen you so drunk you almost fell in a fire but didn't puke.

[ThaSaltCracka]

two words: Jello shots.

[kerssens]

[ QUOTE ]
two words: Jello shots.

[/ QUOTE ]

Way to soldier on!

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
two words: Jello shots.

[/ QUOTE ]

Way to soldier on!

[/ QUOTE ]I knew I had to fight on, otherwise it means that the terrorist have won.

[kerssens]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
two words: Jello shots.

[/ QUOTE ]

Way to soldier on!

[/ QUOTE ]I knew I had to fight on, otherwise it means that the terrorist have won.

[/ QUOTE ]

If only everyone did their part.

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
two words: Jello shots.

[/ QUOTE ]

Jello shots are [censored] murder.

http://www.geocities.com/boogiemaster15/JelloShots.GIF

Yeah, I'm a big [censored] for wearing that hat, screw you guys.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
Yeah, I'm a big [censored] for wearing that hat, screw you guys.

[/ QUOTE ]

I was actually thinking the hat was the best part of that get-up.

[Shajen]

and the carpet.

Sponger, you're a pimp dude.

[Lazymeatball]

wow,

just wow

[jakethebake]

Hat & jello shots aside...what a [censored] sty.

[Lazymeatball]

looking at that picture I just had a thought,

5 or 10 years from now are we going to look back at CRT monitors and laugh at how big and heavy they were compared to all the sleek new flatscreens we will have in the future, similar to how we laugh at the giant 'Zack Morris' cell phone's of the early 90's.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
looking at that picture I just had a thought,

5 or 10 years from now are we going to look back at CRT monitors and laugh at how big and heavy they were compared to all the sleek new flatscreens we will have in the future, similar to how we laugh at the giant 'Zack Morris' cell phone's of the early 90's.

[/ QUOTE ]

Don't we already? /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
Awesome story. Having met you makes this story infinitely funnier as well.

[/ QUOTE ]

I have to agree. It really does help visualize it that much better.

That is some funny @ssed sh*t!

b

[MarkL444]

best story ive read in some time

why was this chick at the bar with her aunt and uncle? did you really expect you were going to score with her?

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
best story ive read in some time

why was this chick at the bar with her aunt and uncle? did you really expect you were going to score with her?

[/ QUOTE ]I didn't know that she was there with them until we left. Not sure what else they could have assumed I wanted to do with her.

[InchoateHand]

I like this. A lot. Good stuff.

[fingokra]

I can puke on demand and puke atleast a couple times a week, alcohol or not. Have most of my life. If I didn't weigh 225 I would think I was belemic(sp).

My freshman year in college I come home from for Christmas break and go play in a pickup basketball game with some friends who are still in highschool. One of these freinds has stolen a 1/2 gallon of vodka. Me being the oldest and most mature, take it away from him. Just making sure he doesn't get in trouble;) Drive to the local service station and by a gallon of orange juice. Mix about half the vodka with the orange juice and drink that. Oh, did I mention we are still playing basketball. After drinking the giant screwdriver, I go puke my guts out. Now feeling much better I decide to drink the remaining vodka straight. Starts to get foggy at this point. Still playing basketball. Game ends everyone is leaving. I am begging for another game. No takers.

This is all about 500 yards walk, 1 mile drive from my house. One of my buddies decides to give me a ride home. Stops at the same service station to call my brother and let him know what is happening. Apparently, I try to go in said service station and take a header into the concrete parking lot. Brother comes to get me. I am out. Blood all over my head, face. Brother takes me to emergency room. Couple of buddies that just happened to be in parking lot, help him carry me in. A trip through the lighted tunnell, MIR on the way.$1,500 down the tubes. Still out. Hellicopter in route.Another $1,500 down the tubes. Emergency broadcast going out over cb. Stomach pumped.

Parents show up. Mother says, "There ain't nothin wrong withim, he's just drunk!" Hellicopter turns back.
Wake up, some time later naked, wet wash cloth being placed on my head by mother of girl I graduated with.
Two day hangover. Alcohol poisioning. Don't eat at all the next day. Loose 15 pounds. Down over $3,000. Parents say "I don't think we need to punish you, lesson learned."
Good Times.