Life is defined by...

[poker-penguin]

Well, I was getting all philosophical today. Don't worry, it ties back to psychology (besides, the Trainwreck scares me). I started wondering is my life best defined by the many (countless?) small decisions I have made - stairs vs elavator, hold the door open for someone vs walk on, that sort of thing? Or is it best defined by the few large decisions I have made?

Obviously both impact your life, but which has the bigger effect on defining it? If you had to say "my life is the product of many small decisions on my part" or "my life is the product of a few large decisions on my part" which would you select.

The I am best at which kind of poker should be pretty easy to answer. Obviously I'm looking to see if people's perspective on life tends to match the type of poker they play, is opposite, or if there is no clear relationship and I'm just trying to be clever.

[TStoneMBD]

you forgot to include the option of predetermination, not that this is an option i hold probable. this question is a common philosophical dilemna. i wouldnt really call it psychology though.

[poker-penguin]

True, I did forget predetermination, but predeterminists would play whatever kind of poker they were destined to play.

I was curious if people's preferred style of poker matched their outlook on life.

[runout_mick]

Interesting post, I hope you get a large sample of votes.

[McMelchior]

He, he,
I really don't mean to knock your post or your poll (which I think is interesting), but have you considered that "large decissions" mostly can be analyzed as distributed over time and contexts?

Like: I live in a city and a country very different from where I grew up, and I spend my time doing very different things from what I and everybody else 10 years ago expected I would be doing today. Big changes, all based on decissions I have made, but I can't point to one "large decission" that brought me here ... more like a number of smaller decissions made in different contexts (eg: family, profession, love, leasure) and guided by the interests I have in each context as well as the scope of possibilities they offer me.

What I'm trying to say: You don't make decission - neither "small" or "large" - in a vacuum, and - at least seen from one realm - there is no real dicotomy between "small" and "large" decissions.

Best,

McMelchior (Johan)

[poker-penguin]

You make good points. I agree with your basic points (but am simplifying things for a poll).

There's not necessarily a big decision moment where you make a giant decision in one scene in anyone's life outside Hollywood, but I can spot a few large changes in my life that can be described as decisions (even if they were the result of several smaller factors). For example, I decided to come to Canada this year. Obviously I didn't just wake up and decide "hey, I should go to Canada", but over a period of time, due to a number of factors, I did decide to go to Canada (which is a big decision if you live in NZ).

While I can sometimes spot the cumulative result of "small" decisions (the extra pounds I've picked up this summer by making a lot of unhealthy decisions) it is much harder to point at any one "decision" that makes a difference.

Big decisions vs small decisions, the distinction might be arbitrary, but it can be made I think.

[smoore]

It seems you made quite a few small decisions to change your life that led you to making a rather large decision.

I guess the question there is, "Was the big decision a change in lifestyle or was it a method of converting your now skewed life to the new standard?"

[poker-penguin]

Stop ruining my artificially constructed dichotomy! Grr. /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

I wasn't originally looking at results, more moral stuff.

Let's say you do a million small acts of kindness (opening doors and stuff) and ten large acts of brutality (like chopping someone's arm off or something) each one hundred thousand times worse than each small act of kindness. Would you say you had a basically kind life or a basically cruel one (nuetral is not an option, the imaginary crocodile headed afterlife judge god type of guy wants an answer)

[xniNja]

A cost-benefit analysis is needed and values need to be assigned for the deeds.

Example: Opening a door +1 point. Chopping an arm off -50 points.

The crocodile headed guy can then do the math, or promote me to be the all-powerful arbitor, judge, jury, and ... well, if he's busy anyway.

Re-Edit: I didn't notice in your example you're setting the math to equal out. I think in that case, the 10 bad deeds you do are so proportionately more significant than the small good deeds you do, and by sheer order of magnitude, you are a cruel, cruel man.

[poker-penguin]

So you're a life is defined by a few big decisions / events person?

[xniNja]

Actually, no. I think life is defined by many many "small" decisions, and we perceive them either as "small" or "large" depending on what we expect, and what happens as a result of them.

However, if the context of the question is in judging a man's worth or the merits of his life, then I think if 10 deeds vs 100,000 each carry 50%, the 10 deeds are so significantly worse than the trivial good deeds he did repeatedly, he is a cruel man.

[KaneKungFu123]

its one of the million girls passing you by that stopped to talk to, and maybe end up spending yur life with.

such absurdity.

[KaneKungFu123]

with frosts two roads poem, ive noticed that once youve choosen one road, youl often meet another fork in the road, an another, etc.

[SA125]

I think the phrase "defined by" is wrong as it relates to the decisions you make that effect the course of your life.

For example, I think there's two distinctions that can clearly be made for a grown man. One is how he's defined, which is done by others, and the other is what decisions has he made (few/many - large/small) that have made the biggest impact in his life.

You're defined by many people for different reasons. Those who know you best, friends and family, may see you as a good, hard working family man who provided for and loved his family and was a great friend. Forum observers may see you as great or horrible. How you're defined is based on others perception of you and can vary greatly.

However, decisions that you make, such as turning down jobs or marrying the wrong person, can have a tremendous effect on the course of your life and how fulfilling and rewarding it will be. That won't vary much at all.

I have two family members who turned down civil service jobs when they were young. The job now pays $60K a year with great benefits and 20 yr retirement. They list that one decision as their single biggest mistake in life. They both would be retired now taking home more money than they're still working for. A friend of mine failed the urine test for the same job, got DQ'd, and feels the same way. His biggest regret too.

But those decisions don't have any effect on they'll be defined in life.