One week straight [Archive] - Two Plus Two Older Archives

08-28-2005, 04:01 AM

Well,it has been a week since I quit. I am going to be moving from where I am living now back to where I came from. There are several reaons for this. My support system is better to where I am moving and because of insurance I can get better help where I am moving too.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done. And I know now that the symptoms lie deeper than I thought. I have drug dreams and get some suicidal thoughts (nothting serious, but feelings of hopelessness.). Please if you do this crap, do whatever it takes to stop. You don't want to lose your "soul" (lack of better term).

I have been trying really hard and I feel some days are worse than others.

I also noticed that all my idols quit using drugs which is why I look up to them (I have a thing for redemption) or have died too young because of drugs. I don't want this to be me.

end of rant...

edit: Even though I make decent money, I cannot financially afford an expensive coke habit. Which only leads to one thing..which is usually crack. If that happens I might as well end my life now.

last edit: I am still suprised that more people don't do coke on here. Especially with all the money people make. It seems, at least to me, that the two would go hand in hand. One of the reasons I say this, is because there is a bit of "emptiness" of what we do. And even though I am sure there are winning players that get no rush from the action, I am also willing to bet there are winning players who get a rush (even though they win). I don't know, maybe I am just rambling.

08-28-2005, 08:17 AM

One last question and I think I am done with this account for a while. There was a poll a couple of weeks ago asking how often people did cocaine. My question to those who answered that they did it more on a recreational basis: How? How do you manage to do it just every once in a while? I can't believe it is just a will power thing.

bishopstrt

08-28-2005, 08:45 AM

You were born with unlucky biology.

It's always been known that some people have addictive personalities and some don't. I can stop drinking after 3 drinks easily but my brother-in-law can't. He'll drink and drink until he passes out. Same thing with people who are addicted to coke. I read somewhere that certain types of people are hooked the first time they try it while others find it easy to walk away from. It is evil and insidious.

08-28-2005, 08:54 AM

[ QUOTE ]
You were born with unlucky biology.

It's always been known that some people have addictive personalities and some don't. I can stop drinking after 3 drinks easily but my brother-in-law can't. He'll drink and drink until he passes out. Same thing with people who are addicted to coke. I read somewhere that certain types of people are hooked the first time they try it while others find it easy to walk away from. It is evil and insidious.

[/ QUOTE ]

What about the possibility of being Bipolar II? I know you are not a dr., but it seems that people with major or mild manic depressive behavior have a harder time with cocaine and/or alcohol. I have had so many answers from so many doctors, that I don't know what to believe or think.

bishopstrt

08-28-2005, 09:02 AM

It raises a very good question. I also know a couple people who are highly addictive personalities who I swear would fall into the bipolar category as you suggested however that is just a layman's diagnosis. I'm assuming you are very young and would benefit tremendously from getting treatment so as not to ruin the rest of your life.

A friend of my parents finally got treatment and everyone says they've noticed a big improvement in his outlook and his mood swings.

lapoker17

08-28-2005, 09:27 AM

Do you go to meetings? If not, you should start. I have a lot of life experience with addicted people, and the only ones who seem to make it get involved in 12 step stuff.

08-28-2005, 09:30 AM

When I mve next week I am going to start going to meetings. But, I am looking into some more "progressive" types of counseling/meetings. I am not at rock bottom and I don't necessarily agree with all the 12 steps. There are other options out there by profit and non profit groups alike that I am looking into. But, I agree, meetings are very important.

craig r

08-28-2005, 09:38 AM

[ QUOTE ]
When I mve next week I am going to start going to meetings. But, I am looking into some more "progressive" types of counseling/meetings. I am not at rock bottom and I don't necessarily agree with all the 12 steps. There are other options out there by profit and non profit groups alike that I am looking into. But, I agree, meetings are very important.

[/ QUOTE ]

I have had a few friends get heavily involved in cocaine and crack (the later was the worst). None of them really had anything in common except for the addiction. But, their reasons were all different. Only one of my 5 junky friends did not make it. And he killed himself (not trying to scare you...just giving you something to think about). I believe that you are at a "crossroad" right now and could go either way. I think some form of help, other than once a week at a shrink is necessary.

I also read your other posts about this subject and it seems that you are using more than other people do in such a short period of time. So, I am going to ask you something personal. And you don't have to answer here. Just something to think about it: Do you want to live? Because if you are just trying to kill yourself by using cocaine, there is no hope in you stopping. But, if you have one ounce of life left, I think you will be okay. Just remember if something happens to you, it won't just be you affected, but your friend's and family. In fact, you really screw everybody but yourself (unless you believe in heaven and hell). I also think you should be open and honest with all the close people in your life. I think that is part of "coming clean". You will scare them, but you will help yourself.

craig

When time comes to claim me my friends and my family will gather around my grave. They'll believe that they knew me and loved me and missed me and all call me by my name--Connor Oberst

Lazymeatball

08-28-2005, 10:26 AM

What are some good coke movies?
I like how in Goodfellas everything is going fine until all the coke, same goes for Boogie Nights. I've never seen Blow, but I imagine that qualifies too.

craig r

08-28-2005, 10:30 AM

[ QUOTE ]
What are some good coke movies?
I like how in Goodfellas everything is going fine until all the coke, same goes for Boogie Nights. I've never seen Blow, but I imagine that qualifies too.

[/ QUOTE ]

Casino (Pesci's character is in pretty good control until the coke comes in, maria full of grace, high roller (well the movie sucked), malcolm x (even though he quits..but it kind of shows the other side of coming clean, unlike the other movies), rules of attraction (i remember a few coke scenes with those rich kids). That is all I can think of now. You should definitely see Blow. There are some stupid parts, but overall a good movie; oh also Requiem for a Dream (I can't remember if it was about heroin or coke, but the whole movie is about addiction(s)).

craig

craig r

08-28-2005, 10:46 AM

Another thing about all these "coke" movies is that they never end good. Yet, people continue to use the drug. I don't get it. So many people would have had it made if it wasn't for drugs. Even gangsters, who are generally scumbags, would have had a higher survival rate if they just didn't get involved with that junk. Paulie from Goodfellas warned against it, Vito Corleone (fiction) warned against it, and tons of the old tim gangsters warned against it. So, why do people do it?

craig

Lazymeatball

08-28-2005, 10:49 AM

people are probably just in denial about it, thinking that they are going to be the one person in history who has discipline over it. Kind of like most people who play poker who lose. They know most people lose, but they deceive themselves into thinking they are better than everyone else and that they can beat the game.

craig r

08-28-2005, 10:55 AM

[ QUOTE ]
people are probably just in denial about it, thinking that they are going to be the one person in history who has discipline over it. Kind of like most people who play poker who lose. They know most people lose, but they deceive themselves into thinking they are better than everyone else and that they can beat the game.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, possibly. But, I also think coke is glamorous (it is the most glamorous of all the drugs) and there is a lot of money in it. Like "cokequestion", he spent tons in a short time. Imagine if he did it for another year. And who knows..maybe he will. So, I think you have the pushers who know how much they can make and then they just got to get a customer to try it a few times..and BAM..tons of money.

craig

mslif

08-28-2005, 12:07 PM

You are on the right track, keep it up. You are showing extreme strenght and will power. I am very impressed by what you have accomplished so far. Good luck to you! /images/graemlins/heart.gif

RacersEdge

08-28-2005, 12:21 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I don't necessarily agree with all the 12 steps.

[/ QUOTE ]

This attitude might prevent you from succeeding.

08-28-2005, 12:28 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I don't necessarily agree with all the 12 steps.

[/ QUOTE ]

This attitude might prevent you from succeeding.

[/ QUOTE ]

How would that attitude prevent me from succeeding. I have just been doing a lot of research and feel that their might be more progressive programs out there. That is all I was saying. Is a 12 step program the only proven addiction recovery program? Here is the thing, I don't think I could get past step one. So, unless I start skipping steps, that wouldn't be very good. I am not saying you are wrong..I am just saying there might be better things for me to try.

1800GAMBLER

08-28-2005, 12:31 PM

I searched your posts to find out if someone guessed who you were but that thread got deleted. So who are you?

jayboo

08-28-2005, 12:32 PM

Meetings, meetings, meetings, and more meetings.
Sorround yourself with family, sober friends, and other people
getting sober. The first couple weeks will be a rollercoaster
but hang on no matter what happens. It will get easier.
I wish you the best of luck in getting sober. It will be the
BEST thing you will ever do in your entire life.

The truth will set you free.
Jay

08-28-2005, 12:37 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I searched your posts to find out if someone guessed who you were but that thread got deleted. So who are you?

[/ QUOTE ]

I had Mat delete the post. I decided it would really comeback to haunt me if people found out. Also, one of my "friends" ratted, so I did not think that was fair (that was in the rules). Also, Gori, made me realize how irrational I was being for having that type of "give-a-way $200" for guessing who I am. Only one person guessed right and they pretty much cheated.

08-28-2005, 12:39 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Meetings, meetings, meetings, and more meetings.
Sorround yourself with family, sober friends, and other people
getting sober. The first couple weeks will be a rollercoaster
but hang on no matter what happens. It will get easier.
I wish you the best of luck in getting sober. It will be the
BEST thing you will ever do in your entire life.

The truth will set you free.
Jay

[/ QUOTE ]

That is the plan. But, not a 12 step plan. I have come to realize there is more to this than addiction. I think I need meetings with a more holistic approach, such as Bipolar II. But, once I move at the end of this week I will be in a very good insurance situation. Thanks for the help Jayboo. It saddens me to know you know who I am, but don't know it. Like you said, "the truth will set me free".

rusellmj

08-28-2005, 12:58 PM

A good movie about the perils of drug use, and then trying to kick, is Drugstore Cowboy.

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 01:15 PM

being physically addicted to cocaine is bullshit. I have an idea, how about you stop being a bitch and don't use drugs? You're giving real drug users a bad name. I got news for you pal, quitting cocaine is as easy as quitting weed, and you don't see people crying for sympathy over quitting that, do you? No, you're god damn right you don't. You did this to yourself, so why is it anyone else's business when you decide to quit [censored] your life up? It's not, and I know people on here way deeper than your weak ass who would never make a post like this, let alone another username so they could feel better about being such a goddamn loser. Shape the hell up. What would your mother say?

trying2learn

08-28-2005, 01:19 PM

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 01:23 PM

[ QUOTE ]

don't you think that's a bit harsh?

[/ QUOTE ]

you know, maybe. but he knew he was getting into something bad the first time he tried it, yet continued to do it. obviously the subtle route doesn't work. btw nobody gives a [censored] if you would put them on ignore or not, you're still a baby on this site.

mslif

08-28-2005, 01:24 PM

miajag81

08-28-2005, 01:25 PM

You've been kind of angry lately. Did your girlfriend dump you for posting naked pictures of her online?

trying2learn

08-28-2005, 01:26 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

don't you think that's a bit harsh?

[/ QUOTE ]

you know, maybe. but he knew he was getting into something bad the first time he tried it, yet continued to do it. obviously the subtle route doesn't work. btw nobody gives a [censored] if you would put them on ignore or not, you're still a baby on this site.

[/ QUOTE ]

for the record - i know i'm a baby (site wise), and i know no one cares who i'd put on ignore.

just because you have a lot of posts, and have been around awhile doesn't give you license to be shitty to people. (IMHO)...like i said, i actually agree with you that in this situation people get themselves into it and a "tough love" approach is sometimes preferred...but you were just being mean and rude...there's a difference.

theghost

08-28-2005, 01:26 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Drugstore Cowboy

[/ QUOTE ]
Great movie.

On the point of kicking th habit, you will probably be successful because it seems you are committed to the decision and devoting a lot of energy toward it right now.

Later on when you've been clean awhile and get comfortable is when you might feel like you can get away with doing a few lines at a party or picking up a gram; at that point you'll either:
-stick to your guns and stay clean
-be able to manage some doing blow every once in a while
-fall off the wagon completely

I've seen all three.

ps: a crack habit isn't cheaper than a coke habit, and it's 20 times worse as far as getting in your head.

theghost

08-28-2005, 01:27 PM

[ QUOTE ]
quitting cocaine is as easy as quitting weed

[/ QUOTE ]

um...no.

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 01:28 PM

ok, keep giving sympathy to people who voluntarily screw up their life. I love how being accountable for your own actions has all but gone out the window these days.

trying2learn

08-28-2005, 01:28 PM

you obviously didn't even read what i wrote...i agree with you man. good luck cheering up a bit.

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 01:29 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
quitting cocaine is as easy as quitting weed

[/ QUOTE ]

um...no.

[/ QUOTE ]

um...yes. both are not physically addicting. both "addictions" depend entirely on the physiological characteristics of the individual. prove me wrong please.

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 01:31 PM

[ QUOTE ]
you obviously didn't even read what i wrote...i agree with you man. good luck cheering up a bit.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm plenty happy. Is your question who gave me a license to be a prick? The internet did.

theghost

08-28-2005, 01:34 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
quitting cocaine is as easy as quitting weed

[/ QUOTE ]

um...no.

[/ QUOTE ]

um...yes. both are not physically addicting. both "addictions" depends entirely on the physiological characteristics of the individual. prove me wrong please.

[/ QUOTE ]
Coke has a stronger psychological pull, simple as that. The stimulation from coke is more intense and creates a stronger craving when you don't have it.

Weed is mild in comparison. You're in a bad mood for three days; big deal. OP is serious when he says it's in his dreams.

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 01:35 PM

show me your sources. "stronger" in terms of drugs is highly subjective.

theghost

08-28-2005, 01:40 PM

[ QUOTE ]
show me your sources. "stronger" in terms of drugs is highly subjective.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why don't you show me something that says they're equivalent?

08-28-2005, 01:41 PM

[ QUOTE ]
ok, keep giving sympathy to people who voluntarily screw up their life. I love how being accountable for your own actions has all but gone out the window these days.

[/ QUOTE ]

The OP hasn't really looked for sympathy through this. Just support.

Support is a good thing. Right?

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 01:42 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
show me your sources. "stronger" in terms of drugs is highly subjective.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why don't you show me something that says they're equivalent?

[/ QUOTE ]

I can show you something that says cocaine is not very addictive phsycially, and can show you the same information about weed. Would that cut it?

By the way, when I show the sources that back up my opinion and you don't, are you going to continue to make unfounded claims? I'm almost positive you will.

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 01:45 PM

[ QUOTE ]

The OP hasn't really looked for sympathy through this. Just support.

Support is a good thing. Right?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes it is, however if you are turning to an internet forum on a completely unrelated website while using a fake name, perhaps you should reevaluate your circle of friends.

theghost

08-28-2005, 01:46 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
show me your sources. "stronger" in terms of drugs is highly subjective.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why don't you show me something that says they're equivalent?

[/ QUOTE ]

I can show you something that says cocaine is not very addictive phsycially, and can show you the same information about weed. Would that cut it?

By the way, when I show the sources that back up my opinion and you don't, are you going to continue to make unfounded claims? I'm almost positive you will.

[/ QUOTE ]

I never made the claim that either drug is physically addictive, just that the addictive quality (psychological) of coke is stronger than that of weed.

So no, that wouldn't cut it.

08-28-2005, 01:46 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

The OP hasn't really looked for sympathy through this. Just support.

Support is a good thing. Right?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes it is, however if you are turning to an internet forum on a completely unrelated website while using a fake name, perhaps you should reevaluate your circle of friends.

[/ QUOTE ]

Or it displays an even greater need for support.

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 01:47 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
show me your sources. "stronger" in terms of drugs is highly subjective.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why don't you show me something that says they're equivalent?

[/ QUOTE ]

I can show you something that says cocaine is not very addictive phsycially, and can show you the same information about weed. Would that cut it?

By the way, when I show the sources that back up my opinion and you don't, are you going to continue to make unfounded claims? I'm almost positive you will.

[/ QUOTE ]

I never made the claim that either drug is physically addictive, just that the addictive quality (psychological) of coke is stronger than that of weed.

So no, that wouldn't cut it.

[/ QUOTE ]

and I said show me your sources. shall we keep running in circles?

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 01:48 PM

[ QUOTE ]

Or it displays an even greater need for support.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah... or what I said. which seems more realistic?

theghost

08-28-2005, 01:49 PM

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 01:51 PM

[ QUOTE ]

I for one am stopping.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm not suprised.

mslif

08-28-2005, 02:04 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
show me your sources. "stronger" in terms of drugs is highly subjective.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why don't you show me something that says they're equivalent?

[/ QUOTE ]

I can show you something that says cocaine is not very addictive phsycially, and can show you the same information about weed. Would that cut it?

By the way, when I show the sources that back up my opinion and you don't, are you going to continue to make unfounded claims? I'm almost positive you will.

[/ QUOTE ]

I never made the claim that either drug is physically addictive, just that the addictive quality (psychological) of coke is stronger than that of weed.

So no, that wouldn't cut it.

[/ QUOTE ]

and I said show me your sources. shall we keep running in circles?

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, I found this article on the MayoClinic website that says:

"You may be hooked emotionally and psychologically. You may have a physical dependence, too. If you're addicted to a drug — whether it's legal or illegal — you have intense cravings for it. You want to use it again and again. When you stop taking the drug, you may have unpleasant physical reactions.

An estimated 19.5 million Americans over the age of 12 use illicit drugs. Many other people abuse or are addicted to legal substances. Marijuana is the most commonly used illicit drug. While not everyone who uses drugs becomes addicted, many people do. As many as 19,000 people die of drug-related causes every year.

Drug addiction involves compulsively seeking to use a substance, regardless of the potentially negative social, psychological and physical consequences. Certain drugs, such as cocaine, are more physically addicting than are other drugs.
Breaking a drug addiction may involve support from your doctor, family, friends and others who have an addiction, as well as inpatient and outpatient treatment.

theghost

08-28-2005, 02:04 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

I for one am stopping.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm not suprised.

[/ QUOTE ]
Don't be so smug. I haven't seen anything from you to prove your side of the argument, and I just don't want to bother tracking it down (you conveniently continue to put the onus on me).

Get off of your high horse. Grumpy today?

08-28-2005, 02:15 PM

[ QUOTE ]
being physically addicted to cocaine is bullshit. I have an idea, how about you stop being a bitch and don't use drugs? You're giving real drug users a bad name. I got news for you pal, quitting cocaine is as easy as quitting weed, and you don't see people crying for sympathy over quitting that, do you? No, you're god damn right you don't. You did this to yourself, so why is it anyone else's business when you decide to quit [censored] your life up? It's not, and I know people on here way deeper than your weak ass who would never make a post like this, let alone another username so they could feel better about being such a goddamn loser. Shape the hell up. What would your mother say?

[/ QUOTE ]

I dont' think I have ever claimed that cocaine is physically addictive. In fact, I think i pointed out over the last 10 years they found it is not nearly as addictive as they thought it once was.

Second, I never once asked for sympathy. If anything my last two threads were to show that people can do this. Yes, it is hard, but it can be done.

Third, you wrote me several PM's asking who I was. That you would never tell. You were so nice in them. What happened?

Fourth, I don't think calling the kettle black here is a good idea. And you know what the fck I am talking about.

Fifth, If I am bipolar II, quitting cocaine will be harder for me. Especially with suicidal thoughts (more common with manic depressives quitting cocaine). I am having a hard time and I felt there would be enough users and ex users in this forum that would be able to offer advice. In fact, your's is the only post that was so blatanlty dickish.

I am not saying you have not made any good points. Because I think you have. Of course, I knew it was stupid to try? Did I think I would be having these problems by trying it once? I am not the brightest guy, but I am def. not the stupidest.

As far as the mental effects. Cocaine effects the dopamines much more than THC does. Which does make it harder to quit. I am not making excuses. In fact I quit. And I am taking that much further.

To tell you the truth, the part that bothers me the most is this:
[ QUOTE ]
You know damn well I would not reveal your identity. Can I know it?

[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
hey man, i asked who you were for a reason. we have a lot to talk about. i'm not really worried about who you are as much as i am worried about discussing matters with a total stranger. stay in touch.

[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
hey, do you have AIM?

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't understand your change in mentality. Especially since I have already quit.

And to the final note about what my "mother would say?" It broke her heart. But, i feel that honesty was necessary.

You know all the doctors told me this would be easier than quitting smoking. But, they were wrong. It is much harder. Mentally I have never been through anything like this.

I came here for help and to also let other people know it is hard, but can be done. I have such an addictive personality, so if i can quit, anybody can. And since I made my first post I have gotten 6 PM's with people in the same situation. So, even if you think that I am on here "whining", I might have helped one person. That would make me happy.

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 02:16 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Certain drugs, such as cocaine, are more physically addicting than are other drugs.

[/ QUOTE ]

certain drugs, such as caffeine, are more addicting than other drugs, such as aspirin. what's your point?

mslif

08-28-2005, 02:20 PM

I just read the OP answer to you and I feel like you are a troll. I really don't want to spend the time and effort to discuss this matter with you. You can flame away all you want.

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 02:23 PM

Yeah, I'm sure a lot of people have reached out to help you, but it has become all too clear that you seek attention more than actual help. I simply can't get with that. Btw, my PMs were all worded very carefully, because posting them is just the type of behavior I expected from you. Seriously dude, not cool.

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 02:24 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I just read the OP answer to you and I feel like you are a troll. I really don't want to spend the time and effort to discuss this matter with you. You can flame away all you want.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, I am a troll. I've been discovered!!!111one1

theghost

08-28-2005, 02:27 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Yes, I am a troll. I've been discovered!!!111one1

[/ QUOTE ]
In this thread you are.

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 02:30 PM

Not quick enough dude, I saw it!

08-28-2005, 02:30 PM

trying2learn

08-28-2005, 02:48 PM

"You know damn well I would not reveal your identity. Can I know it?"

Are you for real?!? Look man, you are coming off like a complete ass in this thread...I know you said that the internet gives you license to do that, but why are you seeming to take pride in it?

You trash this guy on the public board...and then ask him who he is in a PM?!

wow....

trying2learn

08-28-2005, 02:49 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Yes, I am a troll. I've been discovered!!!111one1

[/ QUOTE ]
In this thread you are.

[/ QUOTE ]

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 02:52 PM

actually I asked him much earlier when I was genuinely concerned that something bad would happen. duh noob.

trying2learn

08-28-2005, 02:54 PM

so you were a dick after he wouldn't tell you?

much better...and you calling me a n00b doesn't exactly make me feel too bad.

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 02:57 PM

[ QUOTE ]
so you were a dick after he wouldn't tell you?

[/ QUOTE ]

the two are not related. and i wasn't trying to make you feel bad, i was merely pointing out that you you have no idea what the situation was.

08-28-2005, 03:02 PM

[ QUOTE ]
actually I asked him much earlier when I was genuinely concerned that something bad would happen. duh noob.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is true. He asked me 2 weeks ago and then I never heard from him. He knows who I am. He said he isn't going to out me. And for some reason I trust him. But, if he does, he does. It is all over either way.

I appreciate everybody sticking up for me. But, it isn't necessary. even though I have been clean a week, I am still a junky. So, your choices are defending a junky or somebody that woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I forgive buster. And i hope you do as well.

take care all. please pm me if you have any questions.

08-28-2005, 03:18 PM

This thread is my final thread on this problem. Please anybody that has any questions PM me. I think support is the most important thing. I have gotten, like I said, 6 PM's with people telling me they have a problem. Some worse than mine, some a little easier. But, I will answer any and all questions. But, I think it is time to stop with these threads. I never was posting for attention. I am actually the exact oppossite of an "attention whore". I just wanted more people to be accountable to. I don't know if that makes sense.

Also, Buster Stacks does know my real 2+2 name. But, has promised not to share it. I, for some reason, believe him. If he chooses to share it, then that is the price I pay. But, there will not be any vengeance on my part if he does that (well except when I tell the police he was the one selling me the powder /images/graemlins/smile.gif ).

I appreciate everybody's support. For those that have PM'ed me, I will give you updates like you asked. And then maybe, one day, have the balls to come clean with my real identity. But, that is not my ultimate goal right now.

I know I have said this before, but I am truly careful about judging people. The reason being, that given the right circumstances, you never know what you are capable of. And I think it is arrogant to say "I would never do X". Because you really don't know. 27 years and I never touched that coke, but what happened?

Take care all and thanks again for the support.

t.b.

p.s. Please don't make anymore posts to Buster about this. He said what he wanted to. And he was right about a lot of things. But, the words keep ringing in my head "what would your mother say"?

trying2learn

08-28-2005, 03:20 PM

i often wonder if people even read carefully anymore, or just read to decide what they're posting back.

i wasn't defending you except to say that he shouldn't have been such a prick...it's a matter of decency. i actually agree with stacks in principle, just not in the way he was communicating it.

good luck to you by the way...it seems you've got the problem figured out...now it's just a matter of execution of your plan.

08-28-2005, 03:24 PM

[ QUOTE ]
i often wonder if people even read carefully anymore, or just read to decide what they're posting back.

i wasn't defending you except to say that he shouldn't have been such a prick...it's a matter of decency. i actually agree with stacks in principle, just not in the way he was communicating it.

good luck to you by the way...it seems you've got the problem figured out...now it's just a matter of execution of your plan.

[/ QUOTE ]

I know you were not defending my actions. Because there is no defense. But, I feel that Buster had the right to say what he said. He saw it one way and called a spade a spade. Maybe, he could have been gentler. But, that is not the buster we have grown to love /images/graemlins/smile.gif . Thanks for the encouragement. It is much appreciated.

t.b.

p.s. does anybody know where i can get an 8 ball for around $100? /images/graemlins/smile.gif

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 03:27 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i often wonder if people even read carefully anymore, or just read to decide what they're posting back.

i wasn't defending you except to say that he shouldn't have been such a prick...it's a matter of decency. i actually agree with stacks in principle, just not in the way he was communicating it.

good luck to you by the way...it seems you've got the problem figured out...now it's just a matter of execution of your plan.

[/ QUOTE ]

I know you were not defending my actions. Because there is no defense. But, I feel that Buster had the right to say what he said. He saw it one way and called a spade a spade. Maybe, he could have been gentler. But, that is not the buster we have grown to love /images/graemlins/smile.gif . Thanks for the encouragement. It is much appreciated.

t.b.

p.s. does anybody know where i can get an 8 ball for around $100? /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

dude, free is a much better price.

for the record, what i said in this thread is not what i actually think, i just like to be a dick.

imported_anacardo

08-28-2005, 03:33 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I am a spectacularly self-righteous [censored] who seems to that something as completely inconsequential as post count means anything to anybody.

[/ QUOTE ]
F
Y
P.

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 03:35 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I can't put together a sentence.

[/ QUOTE ]

imported_anacardo

08-28-2005, 03:44 PM

Better than yours.

To hell with you and your Internet-anonymity, "look what I can say" attitude. Go fall off a [censored] cliff. You disgust me.

BusterStacks

08-28-2005, 03:50 PM

No, it wasn't better than mine. See, mine was actually a sentence, where as you left out a word and rendered yours confusing and incorrect. Please elaborate on why your sentence was better. Furthermore, I am not anonymous. Several people here know me in real life. Lastly, post counts are very important. They let others know if your opinion matters. Yours does not.

Stuey

08-28-2005, 04:11 PM

[ QUOTE ]
but it has become all too clear that you seek attention more than actual help.

[/ QUOTE ]

I often seek attention also. I think we all need some attention at times. It is important to feel others care about us or at least notice us.

I just wanted to tell the OP to hang in there and that he is doing great. Oh and buster I noticed you also, hope you get better soon. /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

08-28-2005, 05:59 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Is a 12 step program the only proven addiction recovery program? Here is the thing, I don't think I could get past step one. So, unless I start skipping steps, that wouldn't be very good. I am not saying you are wrong..I am just saying there might be better things for me to try.

[/ QUOTE ]

It's obvious that the 12 step approach isn't for you now. You believe that you can handle cocaine. I hope you are correct. If there comes a time that you don't believe that, then go to a 12 step group.

Also, stop worrying about being bi-polar. You can't know what mental illness you may have until cocaine is long gone from your system.

Good luck to you.
Post all you want, it will help you.

08-28-2005, 06:06 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Is a 12 step program the only proven addiction recovery program? Here is the thing, I don't think I could get past step one. So, unless I start skipping steps, that wouldn't be very good. I am not saying you are wrong..I am just saying there might be better things for me to try.

[/ QUOTE ]

It's obvious that the 12 step approach isn't for you now. You believe that you can handle cocaine. I hope you are correct. If there comes a time that you don't believe that, then go to a 12 step group.

Also, stop worrying about being bi-polar. You can't know what mental illness you may have until cocaine is long gone from your system.

Good luck to you.
Post all you want, it will help you.

[/ QUOTE ]

I have already been diagnosed with bipolar II. Just the meds they gave me made me feel worse. Also, I find it strange that because I don't want to go to a 12 step program that I don't want help. There are other programs out there that aren't as religious. And might not be as dated. That is all I was saying. But, I have talked to a few other people and they said just go to one meeting. If it doesn't work, use your other options.

Thanks for the support.

t.b.

08-28-2005, 06:23 PM

[ QUOTE ]

I have already been diagnosed with bipolar II. Just the meds they gave me made me feel worse.

[/ QUOTE ]
were you diagnosed before you started cocaine? if so, getting correct medication could help immensely. if not, did they know you were on coke when you were diagonsed?

[ QUOTE ]
Also, I find it strange that because I don't want to go to a 12 step program that I don't want help. There are other programs out there that aren't as religious. And might not be as dated. That is all I was saying. But, I have talked to a few other people and they said just go to one meeting. If it doesn't work, use your other options.
t.b.

[/ QUOTE ]

use whatever program works for you. some 12 steppers only believe that what worked for them is the way to go. Hey, whatever keeps you clean is great. If the time comes, give CA a try. It won't hurt. (much) /images/graemlins/crazy.gif

08-28-2005, 06:40 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

I have already been diagnosed with bipolar II. Just the meds they gave me made me feel worse.

[/ QUOTE ]
were you diagnosed before you started cocaine? if so, getting correct medication could help immensely. if not, did they know you were on coke when you were diagonsed?

[ QUOTE ]
Also, I find it strange that because I don't want to go to a 12 step program that I don't want help. There are other programs out there that aren't as religious. And might not be as dated. That is all I was saying. But, I have talked to a few other people and they said just go to one meeting. If it doesn't work, use your other options.
t.b.

[/ QUOTE ]

use whatever program works for you. some 12 steppers only believe that what worked for them is the way to go. Hey, whatever keeps you clean is great. If the time comes, give CA a try. It won't hurt. (much) /images/graemlins/crazy.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

I was diagnosed before I did cocaine. In fact, the dr's were always suprised that I didn't drink or do coke (both are generally the drug of choice for either bipolars.

I am going to give CA a try. What can one meeting hurt?

newfant

08-28-2005, 06:40 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Even though I make decent money, I cannot financially afford an expensive coke habit. Which only leads to one thing..which is usually crack.

[/ QUOTE ]

Have you thought aout switching to meth? That may be easier on the ol' pocketbook.

08-28-2005, 08:06 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Even though I make decent money, I cannot financially afford an expensive coke habit. Which only leads to one thing..which is usually crack.

[/ QUOTE ]

Have you thought aout switching to meth? That may be easier on the ol' pocketbook.

[/ QUOTE ]

I know you are just being funny, but I would smoke crack before I ever touched meth. I read somewhere (I don't know how true it is) that only 1/50 meth addicts quit. If this is the case that has the lowest quitting %. Either way, I think the best bet is to just quit the blow. Either that or become a drug dealer so I can always have it. Isn't one suppossed to get high on their own supply?