PDA

View Full Version : what's better?


The Stranger
08-23-2005, 01:07 PM
.

Shajen
08-23-2005, 01:08 PM
*LOL*

jakethebake
08-23-2005, 01:09 PM
Why can't I feel good now and later?

The Stranger
08-23-2005, 01:09 PM
how do you edit a poll?

Shajen
08-23-2005, 01:11 PM
I dunno, I've never edited one. I was assuming the same way you edit a post though. Is it not?

I'll test.

BillNye
08-23-2005, 01:11 PM
feel crappy now feel good later, man if you want to feel good now and feel crappy later ur most likely overweight

jakethebake
08-23-2005, 01:11 PM
[ QUOTE ]
how do you edit a poll?

[/ QUOTE ]

Everyone's a damn polltard today! First Dominic now you. He should stick to making porn and you should stick to...well something else. /images/graemlins/mad.gif

The Stranger
08-23-2005, 01:12 PM
its those stupid girl questions from last month. Search 'the stranger - dating' if you missed it. I don't feel like posting the links again.

I have been directed to leave her alone until she has more sober time. I still like her a lot. We never fought. I see her all the time at meetings still, and I can tell she still likes me too. Its hard.

jakethebake
08-23-2005, 01:14 PM
[ QUOTE ]
its those stupid girl questions from last month. Search 'the stranger - dating' if you missed it. I don't feel like posting the links again.

I have been directed to leave her alone until she has more sober time. I still like her a lot. We never fought. I see her all the time at meetings still, and I can tell she still likes me too. Its hard.

[/ QUOTE ]

i still don't get it. /images/graemlins/confused.gif

Shajen
08-23-2005, 01:19 PM
[ QUOTE ]
I dunno, I've never edited one. I was assuming the same way you edit a post though. Is it not?

I'll test.

[/ QUOTE ]

You can't edit a poll once you create it. You can edit everything else though. Didn't know that. Groovy.

The Stranger
08-23-2005, 01:23 PM
[ QUOTE ]

i still don't get it. /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Okay, girl screws up her life with drugs and alcohol. Comes to recovery to change her life. Meets me, three years sober. Starts coming after me. At first I was like, "yeah, whatever." Then I start liking her too. We start getting close. I say, "I would like to have a more serious relationship with you, but I need you to be healthier first, but lets be friends." She says she loves me. My sponsor says not to hang out with her, and to just leave her alone until she has six months sober. Not to date her until she has a year. She has two months right now.

I'm not asking for a solution. I have my instructions that I can't deviate from. I'm just saying, it feels crappy.

There's no guarantee that I'll feel good (with her) later, but at least there's a possibility. Plus knowing I did the right thing might feel good down the road too.

RunDownHouse
08-23-2005, 01:28 PM
Since you didn't really put a question up there, I was going to say that I almost always choose good now, crappy later, as evinced by how often I drink.

Since it turns out this is about a couple of recovering alcoholics, I'd say that's not the way to go.

durron597
08-23-2005, 01:31 PM
I remember when you first posted about this situation.

I dunno, I think going very very very slow is better than not hanging out with her. Be a friend now, and follow your sponsor's advice about later.

Then again I don't know much about alcoholism.

The Stranger
08-23-2005, 01:33 PM
did I mention she's dating my best guy friend now? He's a player, so I know he's not serious. But yeah, uggh.

bosoxfan
08-23-2005, 01:34 PM
Your addict sponsor tells you who you can [censored]? Is this normal? Get a new sponsor.

The Stranger
08-23-2005, 01:34 PM
Plus she would go on and on about her ex back east. Finally I asked her how long they were together. Eight weeks. She surely has some issues to work through.

durron597
08-23-2005, 01:35 PM
[ QUOTE ]
did I mention she's dating my best guy friend now? He's a player, so I know he's not serious. But yeah, uggh.

[/ QUOTE ]

Um, that sounds bad. Getting involved with a player who will inevitably dump you a few months later is not a good situation for a recovering alcoholic to be in.

On the bright side dating your friend is a good situation for keeping the friendship existant but not a relationship.

Shajen
08-23-2005, 01:35 PM
[ QUOTE ]
did I mention she's dating my best guy friend now? He's a player, so I know he's not serious. But yeah, uggh.

[/ QUOTE ]

That means you are "safe". Ugh. Dude, be her friend, nothing more, nothing less. If you can't just be her friend, then maybe you need to explain to her that you have feelings for her and can't be around her if she just wants to be friends.

Of course, since your boy is now hooking up with her, you're in no man's land. I'd not hang out with her, be nice, cordial at the meetings, and that's about it. Ask your friend not to hang out with her and you at the same time if it bothers you.

Dude, you gotta get out and about and meet other women. That's the best course of action, and probably the hardest.

jakethebake
08-23-2005, 01:37 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Dude, you gotta get out and about and meet other women. That's the best course of action, and probably the hardest.

[/ QUOTE ]

Agreed. But what's hard about it?

Shajen
08-23-2005, 01:44 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Dude, you gotta get out and about and meet other women. That's the best course of action, and probably the hardest.

[/ QUOTE ]

Agreed. But what's hard about it?

[/ QUOTE ]

I based this off of info El Stranger gave us in previous posts. I believe he said he doesn't get out much.

jakethebake
08-23-2005, 01:45 PM
[ QUOTE ]
I believe he said he doesn't get out much.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well that does make it difficult.

The Stranger
08-23-2005, 01:49 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I believe he said he doesn't get out much.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well that does make it difficult.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, I'm involved in some new meetings now, with like 400-1100 people. I have a commitment at one where I have a chance to get to know a young lady who is roughly my age, pretty cute, friendly and outgoing. I failed to ask her how much sober time she has, but she seems to know all the other young women there, so if she thinks I'm a good guy, I might get some cool new opportunities.

08-23-2005, 03:32 PM
[ QUOTE ]

I have been directed to leave her alone until she has more sober time. I still like her a lot. We never fought. I see her all the time at meetings still, and I can tell she still likes me too. Its hard.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good for your sponsor, and good for you. It is hard, but best in the long run. Be friendly, but don't hang out with her.
Do go out with other women, even just friendly dates that you don't expect to go anywhere.

The Stranger
08-23-2005, 03:42 PM
[ QUOTE ]

Do go out with other women, even just friendly dates that you don't expect to go anywhere.

[/ QUOTE ]

what's the rationale here?

08-23-2005, 03:48 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Do go out with other women, even just friendly dates that you don't expect to go anywhere.

[/ QUOTE ]

what's the rationale here?

[/ QUOTE ]

1) get her off your mind.
2) you never know who will strike your fancy once you get to know them.
3) alcoholics tend to attract each other. (and the co-dependant) you might find a better match with someone you are not immediately attracted to.

The Stranger
08-23-2005, 03:52 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Do go out with other women, even just friendly dates that you don't expect to go anywhere.

[/ QUOTE ]

what's the rationale here?

[/ QUOTE ]

1) get her off your mind.
2) you never know who will strike your fancy once you get to know them.
3) alcoholics tend to attract each other. (and the co-dependant) you might find a better match with someone you are not immediately attracted to.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks I agree completely.

For some reason I read your sentence as, "Do not. . ." at first.

The Stranger
08-23-2005, 04:09 PM
on a funny aside, I printed out the thread where I was asking, "should I make a move?" and gave it to her a few weeks later. The first time I kissed her was the day after I made that post.

I thought she'd think it was cute, but she was actually mad that I'd talk about that with strangers, instead of talking to her. I think she's over it, but you never know.

The Stranger
08-25-2005, 10:13 AM
Last night I called her.

I said, "I know I've been acting cold toward you lately. I just want you to know it has nothing to do with how much I like you. It has one-hundred percent to do with sponsor direction. Last time I told you we couldn't hang out I was kind of emotional and mean about it, so I just wanted to clear that up. I like you just as much as I ever did, and that's why it's hard for me. I couldn't possibly leave you thinking I'm pissed off or wounded or anything like that."

Her response, "Oh okay. I'll give you a call. Maybe we can get together this weekend." /images/graemlins/confused.gif /images/graemlins/confused.gif /images/graemlins/confused.gif

So I tell my sponsor this, and he says, "That's it. No more communication." I deleted her number from my cell.

Shajen
08-25-2005, 10:15 AM
What's up with your sponsor?

Is this typical?

(I'm being genuine here, I really didn't realize they have this much control over who you interact with)

RunDownHouse
08-25-2005, 10:19 AM
Are you also a scientologist, by any chance?

The Stranger
08-25-2005, 10:21 AM
[ QUOTE ]
What's up with your sponsor?

Is this typical?

(I'm being genuine here, I really didn't realize they have this much control over who you interact with)

[/ QUOTE ]

Well there's a few different schools of thought on sponsorship. The particular group I'm affiliated with right now has a tradition of very strong sponsorship. They feel that one of the keys to working a program is to take direction without questioning it. My sponsor is probably actually considered the most lax in the group.

The other school of thought on sponsorship is that the sponsor tells the sponsee what he did in a similar situation, and how he took the twelve steps, and the sponsee decides for himself.

The Stranger
08-25-2005, 10:22 AM
[ QUOTE ]
Are you also a scientologist, by any chance?

[/ QUOTE ]

no.

RunDownHouse
08-25-2005, 10:29 AM
Is this lady friend from the same school of thought on sponsorship? My first thought was that she just really didn't understand what you were getting at. It sounds like you and your sponsor - well, actually just your sponsor, because you haven't given much detail about your own, independent thinking - think that she's actively or passively trying to subvert you.

jakethebake
08-25-2005, 10:31 AM
Should I give the Baja Blast another chance today?

http://www.borderfoods.com/gtm/images/bajablastweb.jpg

jackdaniels
08-25-2005, 10:36 AM
[ QUOTE ]
Should I give the Baja Blast another chance today?

http://www.borderfoods.com/gtm/images/bajablastweb.jpg

[/ QUOTE ]

How many chances have you given it so far? I usually give a new item 3 chances. Then they have to do something "special" for me to try it again (offer it for free or include a blowjob from a hot chick in the deal - either works).

Shajen
08-25-2005, 10:36 AM
Eh, I like the Stranger, his posts are usually on target and not the garden variety uselessness that most of OOT is.

I say let's stay on target here.

jakethebake
08-25-2005, 10:40 AM
[ QUOTE ]
Eh, I like the Stranger, his posts are usually on target and not the garden variety uselessness that most of OOT is.

I say let's stay on target here.

[/ QUOTE ]

I though the other thread was much better than this one. This is garden variety QLC.

Mr_J
08-25-2005, 10:43 AM
Feel good now cause I might not survive until 'later'.

The Stranger
08-25-2005, 10:43 AM
[ QUOTE ]
Is this lady friend from the same school of thought on sponsorship?

[/ QUOTE ]

no

Shajen
08-25-2005, 10:44 AM
No way dude, the girl he likes is now dating his best friend, and his sponsor told him to severe contact with the girl.

He's still got feelings for her. This is quality. Reminds me of Melrose Place in real life.

The Stranger
08-25-2005, 12:01 PM
[ QUOTE ]
My first thought was that she just really didn't understand what you were getting at. It sounds like you and your sponsor - well, actually just your sponsor, because you haven't given much detail about your own, independent thinking - think that she's actively or passively trying to subvert you.

[/ QUOTE ]

I never asked what his rationale is.

Best I can figure:

I'm obsessing too much.

She's either still too loopy from all that crap she's been putting into her system to be in touch with reality, or she's trying to mess with my head.

kyro
08-25-2005, 12:19 PM
I was the first person to choose the first option after 20 people had already chosen the second option. I was beginning to think I was the only person who drank alcohol in excess here.

AsiaKurosawa
08-25-2005, 12:48 PM
</font><blockquote><font class="small">In risposta di:</font><hr />
Plus she would go on and on about her ex back east. Finally I asked her how long they were together. Eight weeks. She surely has some issues to work through.

[/ QUOTE ]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In risposta di:</font><hr />
did I mention she's dating my best guy friend now? He's a player, so I know he's not serious. But yeah, uggh.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think your sponsor's right. She's reaching out for affection in a way that is destructive, and she'll take you down with her (and ruin any chance of a real relationship once she does deal with her demons.)

Let her be. She won't find a long-term with her behavior, and you're not risking losing her long-term by letting her be nutso with others (though, I know it hurts to think about). She really does need to work on finding solace and not replace her previous addiction(s) with affection-- yall can't be long-term without her finding peace without destructive behaviors.

GL, I think you know you need to stay away for now, and take the advice of your sponsor not only as that but as a friend who is removed from the situation.

The Stranger
08-31-2005, 03:20 AM
[ QUOTE ]
No way dude, the girl he likes is now dating his best friend, and his sponsor told him to severe contact with the girl.

He's still got feelings for her. This is quality. Reminds me of Melrose Place in real life.

[/ QUOTE ]

My buddy and her are done now too. Yeah, its quality.

scotty34
08-31-2005, 03:36 AM
[ QUOTE ]
feel crappy now feel good later, man if you want to feel good now and feel crappy later ur most likely overweight

[/ QUOTE ]

Or on some kind of drug

chunk
08-31-2005, 04:40 AM
be here now

The Stranger
08-31-2005, 10:08 AM
[ QUOTE ]
be here now

[/ QUOTE ]

I'll try. I'm a busy man though.

rusellmj
08-31-2005, 10:42 AM
Stay away from chicks in the program. You're there for something more important. Date normies and be happy. nOob.

The Stranger
09-01-2005, 07:31 PM
To anyone still following this, I learned some new information today. Actually old information.

This same chick came to the place I met her four or five years ago. She stuck around for about nine months, before moving to New York.

Her farewell speech went something like this: "I am not an alcoholic, and I haven't been sober any of this time. Screw all of you. The only reason I was here was to hook up with boys." She comes back a few years later, clings on to me, and then moves on to my pal almost instantly.

What a piece of work. I still care about her in that I want to see her do well, and not die of alcoholism, but I have no desire to be part of her life any more.

If I sound like I'm being melodramatic, that just the nature of the medium. I really find most of this quite funny. I don't regret any of my decisions, and my most recent ones seem to be more and more right every day. I believe the only "mistake" I made, was agreeing to go have coffee with her when she was at about two weeks (according to her, see above). Lesson learned, and I'm glad I never had sex with her (and I could have). This will be my last report on this situation.

Peace
--Tom

gorie
09-01-2005, 07:44 PM
who would you have sex with more, me or a preacher ?

The Stranger
09-01-2005, 07:46 PM
[ QUOTE ]
who would you have sex with more, me or a preacher ?

[/ QUOTE ]

Umm. I don't get it.

But I'm giving serious consideration to waiting until I'm married to have sex again. I'm not going to do the whole "purity pledge" and "born-again virgin" thing, but I can see the merits of doing this.

gorie
09-01-2005, 08:16 PM
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
who would you have sex with more, me or a preacher ?

[/ QUOTE ]

Umm. I don't get it.

But I'm giving serious consideration to waiting until I'm married to have sex again. I'm not going to do the whole "purity pledge" and "born-again virgin" thing, but I can see the merits of doing this.

[/ QUOTE ]

i don't know, i didn't get your poll either.