Loaning money to a freind in need- thoughts?

[bholdr]

A very good freind of mine is in a rough spot and needs some financial help. It's nothing major, but it is somewhat urgent.

She split with her husband, and a divorce appearently isn't cheap. she's now sans-computer, which she needs for her business. Dell has some super offers right now, and i suggested that she jump on that.

And then, without really thinking, i said something to the extent of: 'i'd probably be willing to loan you the money if you can't come up with it in time...' I didn't really think she'd recall that or try to take me up on the offer. But, she called tonight and asked for the loan.

It's only about $700 (laptop), and i can comfortably afford to loan that much, though it IS a signifigant chunk of change for me right now. I have had some bad (expensive) experiences with loaning money to freinds, even good freinds, in the past. I haven't lost any freinds over such transactions, but only because i end up deciding that the freindship was worth more than the debt. This may also be one of those cases, as it's one of my very best freinds from way-back-when, and i don't think she'll be able to pay it back promptly, though she's genrally a very responsible person and has never decived me or taken advantage of our freindship in any way. I have considered simply giving her the money, and saying 'pay me back if/when you can'.

since this is OOT, maybe i should mention that i am NOT trying to have sex with her (seems to be the standard assumption around here); Been there, done that, had my fun and i'm done.

so here's a poll- applicable anecdotes where things have gone well or poorly would be appreciated, too:

[peachy]

if u trust her...help her out...itll take so much pressure off of her right now...money can ruin friendships though so beware...but u did already offer...so its up to u

Hell no. Especially a woman getting a divorce. I have no sympathy for women getting divorces no matter whose fault it is. Tell her to start stripping.

[snowbank]

Instead of giving her a fish, why not teach her to do the fishing?

She can take out a credit card and get $700 for about 5 minutes of her time. For $700 no one should need to borrow from someone else. Is she going to want more after this? If it's that little, you don't even have to get creative, just tell her to take a cash advance on a credit card, and if she doesn't have one, tell her where to sign up.

[MagicMan08]

good solution....or make a porn site with the computer you buy her...I know some sick bastards will pay up

[snowbank]

Some people just want to take charity though. It depends how good of a friend she is. If you show her how to get $700 without you having to give it to her, and she's like, "naa, it would be easier if you just loaned it to me while I got on my feet" or something like that then I'd forget it. A lot of people would be like that though.

I was talking to a girl at school one night who mentioned how bad she wanted to go on spring break with some of her friends. I said, "why don't you go then?" She said she didn't have the money. I said, "then make it." She said it would cost about $4-$500 for the whole trip. I was like, "you have 2 months, I'll show you how to make money, it's easy." Her: really Me: Yes, and spent an hour showing her how she could use things she was already doing to make money. She's like, "wow, I might do that" She never went on spring break.

If she wants it bad enough, she doesn't need to use you for $700.

[Jman28]

[ QUOTE ]
I have had some bad (expensive) experiences with loaning money to freinds, even good freinds, in the past. I haven't lost any freinds over such transactions, but only because i end up deciding that the freindship was worth more than the debt.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is not unnaceptable to me. If they are entirely unable to pay you back, ever, then maybe.

Sure, a friendship is worth more than $x, but if they won't pay you back, then you aren't worth $x to them. That's bs. I have ex-friends that never would pay little debts. Two probably owe me a total of $100. I don't care at all about the money. But they are not, nor will ever again be my friends.

Oh, and you should loan it to her if you are fairly sure she will pay you back at some point. I would say you need to be almost certain, but you did sorta already offer.

[whiskeytown]

depends how good the friend is and how much -

a decent friend - a couple hundred, I'll do -

for $1500, it better be a damned good friend - I just loaned that to a friend last week - he had an easy way to figure out paying me back, and he came to visit me when I was stuck in the psych ward for two days (unannounced) so if I had it and could help him, I would (and did) -

but there's very few friends I'll do that for - 3 or 4 maybe - only the really good ones -

actually, In your spot, I'd have loaned her one of my spare PC's

RB

[yellowjack]

[ QUOTE ]

I have had some bad (expensive) experiences with loaning money to freinds, even good freinds, in the past. I haven't lost any freinds over such transactions, but only because i end up deciding that the freindship was worth more than the debt.

[/ QUOTE ]

There is no doubt here that she means more to you than your other friends so I cannot see you denying her a loan. Anyways I'm curious as to what happened with your other friendships with people who have not paid you back.

[youtalkfunny]

Here's my rule, when it comes to friends and family:

If I can't afford to GIVE you that much, then I can't afford to LEND you that much.

If I CAN afford to give it to you: here you go, take it! It would be sweet if you payed me back, but it doesn't matter to me--I can afford to give it to you.

[MagicMan08]

IMO unless u a POS asking for money from a good friend is a tough thing to do, if you feel comfy asking for something to pay back do it, it all depends on what kind of friends you are.

[PairTheBoard]

If you loan it they will hate to see you coming. If you give it they will love to see you coming.

Only loan money to those you don't want to see again.



Of course in this case you already offered and probably can't afford to give it. I think you should keep your word and not be so quick to offer next time.

PairTheBoard

[MagicMan08]

Very good point...either I am drunk...or this thread is super good as far as how people look at certain things...or both heh...

[Macdaddy Warsaw]

[ QUOTE ]
Here's my rule, when it comes to friends and family:

If I can't afford to GIVE you that much, then I can't afford to LEND you that much.

If I CAN afford to give it to you: here you go, take it! It would be sweet if you payed me back, but it doesn't matter to me--I can afford to give it to you.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good way of thinking about it. This is what happened with my ex-gf. She had to pay fraternity dues and apparantly those get expensive. So I ponied up like $580 for her, thinking she might pay me back someday, but accepting the fact that she might not.

Anyway, I voted to loan your friend the money and try to work out a repayment plan. $100 a month or something sounds reasonable...

I would never even think of hitting up a friend of mine for $700. It's just unthinkable. She must not think much of you. If I'm wrong, Ok, but someone needs to question her motives/feelings.

I have friends who don't ask for money, EVER. Seriously. Maybe you should think about who you hang around and if they are really your friends.

[bustedchucks]

A friend of mine lent me $1500 to go on a bender. really. we were living in ireland, set to come back to the states in about a month and my job over there sucked and i really wanted to just hang out and drink guinness for a month. so i laid out my plan..."how bout you lend me a bunch of money so i can quit my job and focus more attention on drinking, ill pay you back when we go back to america"
hes a good friend, and a drunk, so he understood the importance of the situation so he agreed. had a wonderful month, got bck to the states, got a job and paid him back.

hey, its no divorce, but i was in a bad way and it is cool to have someone in a position to help you out do so. it all comes down to is she good for her word. if so, go ahead, if not...

[kurosh]

I think if you have to ask, the answer is no. When it comes to decisions like these, if I question myself, I know I don't want to. Also, if you're uncomfortable about it, you'll probably bother her a lot about it and cause problems.

[RunDownHouse]

[ QUOTE ]
I would never even think of hitting up a friend of mine for $700. It's just unthinkable. She must not think much of you. If I'm wrong, Ok, but someone needs to question her motives/feelings.

[/ QUOTE ]
He offered. You're telling me that if you had a friend who needed $700 for car repair, otherwise he'd lose his job, and you said, "Hey, I'll loan you the money," you'd then think of your friend as a piece of [censored] for taking you up on it?

[cpitt398]

Buy the computer yourself and let her buy it off of you. That a way in a worse case senerio you can just take the computer back.

[AJo Go All In]

i before e except after c.

[touchfaith]

Pay it forward.

[RunDownHouse]

I hardly think resorting to being a repo man is a big improvement. Like others have said, if you can't afford to lose it, you probably shouldn't lend it. Or say that you will lend it.

[mslif]

Lend her the money but make her sign a promissory note stating that the money is due by a certain date. Add that if she does not pay you back, she will be charged with interests and have to pay attorney/court fees.

I'm a bit surprised that more voters didn't feel that your offer to help wasn't considered an obligation if she took you up on it. What's the point of saying you are willing to help if you really don't intend to? I voted you were obligated.

polltard

[ptmusic]

"since this is OOT, maybe i should mention that i am NOT trying to have sex with her (seems to be the standard assumption around here); Been there, done that, had my fun and i'm done."

Been there, done that.... with HER? This makes it much more complicated.

-ptmusic

[JaBlue]

It's just money. If you can afford to lose it, loan it. If you really need the $700, then don't loan it.

Let her pay you back when she can.

[snappo]

Doesn't she have the option of financing a computer?

[zoomOut]

[ QUOTE ]
I would never even think of hitting up a friend of mine for $700. It's just unthinkable. She must not think much of you. If I'm wrong, Ok, but someone needs to question her motives/feelings.



[/ QUOTE ]


I could not agree with anyone more. This is just weirder than weird asking a friend for that sum of money. As one of the previous posters suggested, why the heck can't she just go get a credit card. Jesus.

Here's the thing. I am 95% confident that "pay me back when you can" will result in absolutely no money being returned to you. Therefore, if you loan her the money with this type of instruction you might as well just go ahead and give it as a gift and then get on with your relationship because expecting this type of girl to pay it back is probably unrealistic. Don't make loans to your friends or your kids. Instead just give them the money with no strings attached, that's my philosophy.

I liked a lot of the suggestions offered. The one about buying a laptop yourself and then making a loan of it was a really good suggestion.

[imported_anacardo]

[ QUOTE ]
Lend her the money but make her sign a promissory note stating that the money is due by a certain date. Add that if she does not pay you back, she will be charged with interests and have to pay attorney/court fees.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's kinduva out-of-character response...

[Huhmare]

[ QUOTE ]
Instead of giving her a fish, why not teach her to do the fishing?

She can take out a credit card and get $700 for about 5 minutes of her time. For $700 no one should need to borrow from someone else. Is she going to want more after this? If it's that little, you don't even have to get creative, just tell her to take a cash advance on a credit card, and if she doesn't have one, tell her where to sign up.

[/ QUOTE ]

Credit cards suck. It would be much cheaper for her to loan without interest charge.

Loan her, if she is a decent person, who will pay you back even if it takes a while.

[bholdr]

First, TY for all the responses, OOT is actually being helpful?!?

I have decided to give her the money and ask her to pay me back in $50-$100 payments every two weeks (she offered this arrangement). I am very confidant that she will make every effort to make the payments if she is able, like i said, she's generally a very responsible person. The credit card option is not possible until the divorce is finalized. Her husband screwed up their credit during the marrige (she was basicly supporting him financially- one of the reasons for the split).

If she's unable to pay me back... whatever. i've been thinking about all the things she's done to help me out when i was down, and i think i owe her. she took care of me for a week when i was very sick once, for example... also, almost half of the girls that i've ever hooked up with have been chicks that she's introduced me to or that i've met while we were hanging out together (she's a great 'wingman')- good freind to have, huh? i think that alone should qualify her for a $700 gift- but there's no way she would accept a straight up gift (too proud, i guess).

so, i think i have it all settled, but here's some specific responses to some posters:
Jman 28
[ QUOTE ]
Sure, a friendship is worth more than $x, but if they won't pay you back, then you aren't worth $x to them. That's bs. I have ex-friends that never would pay little debts. Two probably owe me a total of $100. I don't care at all about the money. But they are not, nor will ever again be my friends.


[/ QUOTE ]

If a freind were to ask for the money with the intention of never paying me back, of course you're right. most of those situations have been emergencies where i have offered- like one of my college roomies got a nasty infection and i had to be like: "DUDE! I am loaning you the $500 it'll cost to get that [censored] fixed- pay me back when you can, but take this money so you don't lose a damn toe!", or the only way we were going to get a cool house is if I were to pay the whole deposit myself, etc. I only have one buddy that owes me money that he specifically asked to borrow and promised to pay back. he has offered to work it off, and i believe him, but i don't need any help in my job. that is a good point about "you aren't worth $x to them" , though. thanks.

pairtheboard:
[ QUOTE ]
If you loan it they will hate to see you coming. If you give it they will love to see you coming

[/ QUOTE ]
that doesn't really apply in this situation, but nice point.
manybeers:
[ QUOTE ]
I'm a bit surprised that more voters didn't feel that your offer to help wasn't considered an obligation if she took you up on it. What's the point of saying you are willing to help if you really don't intend to? I voted you were obligated.

[/ QUOTE ]
well... the offer was kinda a "maybe i could do it, let me run some numbers, etc"... but, yes, i am obligated, to a degree, to help out since i offered.

ptmusic:
[ QUOTE ]
Been there, done that.... with HER? This makes it much more complicated.


[/ QUOTE ]
actually, it makes it less complicated in this case. she's a very... liberated chick, and we both realize that our little fling (5 years ago) was just that- we were both blowing off steam, and afterward aggreed that it probably wouldn't happen again. Also, i am no longer attracted to her- i know her too well now, and she's kind of like a sister to me.
zoomout:
[ QUOTE ]
I liked a lot of the suggestions offered. The one about buying a laptop yourself and then making a loan of it was a really good suggestion.

[/ QUOTE ]
Yes... i do want a laptop, and could easily loan it to her for a couple months while she saves up... but i don't want to lose the depreciation value of a comp while someone else is using it, and the exchange/transfer at the end would be a big headache.


TY to all for the thoughtful responses.

[bholdr]

[ QUOTE ]
I liked a lot of the suggestions offered. The one about buying a laptop yourself and then making a loan of it was a really good suggestion

[/ QUOTE ]

i thought i had made a descision to make the loan of $$$... but now i'm thinking twice. I do want to get a gnoming computer, and i really want a laptop in general.

I am also thinking about buying a laptop for myself and giving her my current desktop- but i think she requires mobility... hmmm...