WHAT IS THE STUPIDIEST THING SOMEONE HAS SAID TO YOU WHILE PLAYING?

what is the gayest or most retarded thing someone has said to you while playing online poker???


A guy once asked me what a raked hand was and I told them the computer system randomly will rake money off the table, just at random, and he believed be and said, how can they do that? /images/graemlins/grin.gif what an idiot

[TheHip41]

[ QUOTE ]
what is the gayest or most retarded thing someone has said to you while playing online poker???


A guy once asked me what a raked hand was and I told them the computer system randomly will rake money off the table, just at random, and he believed be and said, how can they do that? /images/graemlins/grin.gif what an idiot

[/ QUOTE ]

My name is Mr. McVicker.

[Arnfinn Madsen]

He deserved a honest reply though.

I played a pretty good player heads up once and after a while he said "we are missing on dollars". I said "Yes, of course". He then said "I started with x, you started with y, it does not add up". I then had to explain him about the rake. He then said "If it is this way, I don't want to play here". Weird, did he think it was non-profit?

[pecto]

party 5/10 6 max:

I am sb with 33.utg calls mp raise 2 callers and I call utg calls.Flop 377



Turn 2

Capped 3 ways

River 10

I bet and both call. Pot was: 256 $


Mp had AA and utg says:

FISH: wait a mint I had the 3 sevens
#2366400172: howsurdady wins $12 from the main pot with two pairs, eights and sevens.
ME: three sevens?
#2366405085: howsurdady wins $43.50
ME: there must be some kind of mistake
ME: u really had 3 sevens?
FISH: yes I had 3 sevens and you 3 3es
ME: mmm
ME: how strange
ME: email support
#2366408418: howsurdady wins $25
FISH: then why did it give you the money
ME: dunno
OTHER GUY WHO LIKES TO SPOIL JOKES: the guy with the threes had a full house you didnt
ME: what?
THE GUY: you had pokcet 3's and flop was 3-77 full house
FISH: i guess that was strange though
ME: it was a lot of money
#2366412873: grpsmuggler wins $40.50
FISH: i will recheek it later
ME: call support
ME: so they can have a laugh
FISH: yes I will thanks

[yvesaint]

WHAT IS THE STUPIDIEST THING SOMEONE HAS SAID TO YOU WHILE PLAYING?

[Jimbo]

Sup Bro

[whiskeytown]

something along the lines of "you suck...I'll stick around just to watch you bust out" right after I busted him out and sent him to the rail -

threats to bust me after you've been resigned to observer status just seem ultra lame -

RB

Stupid? How about:

"You can't fold before the flop because you never know what will come."

I was quite pleased when he said it, and did pretty well that day. Must have had the right cards or something.

[Sponger15SB]

I like it when fish who are 60vpip/25pfr are talking [censored] to another fish who is like around 80vpip/5pfr in my $100nl 6-max ring games.

Saying things such as "oh you keep playing that way and I'll get it all back" and then I can't help but think "...and then lose it back to every non idiot on party poker"

[Durs522]

"There are no bad cards, just bad flops." - Sunglass wearing 30 year old at Foxwoods 1/2 NL.

Durs

[Nathan183]

[ QUOTE ]
what is the gayest or most retarded thing someone has said to you while playing online poker???


A guy once asked me what a raked hand was and I told them the computer system randomly will rake money off the table, just at random, and he believed be and said, how can they do that? /images/graemlins/grin.gif what an idiot

[/ QUOTE ]

He wasn't at the table with me, but I was playing at the time.

[Photoc]

[ QUOTE ]
#2366400172: howsurdady wins $12 from the main pot with two pairs, eights and sevens.


[/ QUOTE ]

So if you had 3's full of 7's, how did someone with 2 pair win the hand?

[pecto]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
#2366400172: howsurdady wins $12 from the main pot with two pairs, eights and sevens.


[/ QUOTE ]

So if you had 3's full of 7's, how did someone with 2 pair win the hand?

[/ QUOTE ]

The conversation took place during the next hand, plus I use the summary chat which only says the winner of each pot, not the cards dealt or anything. Thats why during the conversation there ae a lot of: xxxx wins pot of xxx $

[whiskeytown]

let's not forget his close cousin "but it was sooted'

RB

[boose_bagina]

"Theres this guy on 2+2, MrMcVicker, whose got some of the most inciteful and worthwhile reading posts"

[SavageMiser]

I'm in the BB with 52o. Two limpers to me, I check. Flop 2/images/graemlins/club.gif, A/images/graemlins/diamond.gif, 5/images/graemlins/spade.gif. I bet, a fold, CO calls. Turn 9/images/graemlins/club.gif. Bet, raise, reraise, call. River 6/images/graemlins/heart.gif. Bet, call, I turn over my trash to take a 10BB pot. CO mucks A/images/graemlins/club.gif4/images/graemlins/club.gif.

Angry CO: wtf...I thought you knew what you were doing

That is dumb on so many levels.

[Isura]

Someone tonight in an MTT I was playing said, "I had AQ, would have been a coinflip with KK."

[Innocentius]

[ QUOTE ]
what is the most retarded thing someone has said to you while playing online poker???

[/ QUOTE ]

I would have to go with "lol".

[boondockst]

[ QUOTE ]
"Theres this guy on 2+2, MrMcVicker, whose got some of the most inciteful and worthwhile reading posts"

[/ QUOTE ]

What do his posts insight you to do?

I have more pity for boring posters than horrid-spellers-making-fun-of-boring-posters.

Edit: Oh, nevermind. I see the problem. It's probably the colour on your favourites.

[stigmata]

A clueless guy playing playing reasonably high: "Hey why does everyone keep raising with crummy hands? Can't everyone stop raising preflop and we can enjoy a nice game of poker?". I sort of agree with him in a wierd way /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

Or playing omaha, some donk kept reraising my nut boat all the way through. I figured he must have second nut. Gets to showdown and he shows his four Jack's in the hole.

I nearly fell of my chair when he says "Hey, I got four-of-a-kind, how come you won?"

[dcasper70]

"I like unicorns"

[Schneids]

In $100/200 I had a huge fish tell me that I must be rich because I was playing like it was small stakes to me.

I have yet to see this guy leave the table a winner and very recently he dumped $80,000 in 200 hands in $300/600.

[zuluking]

You are now ignoring this user. You will no longer see the body of any of their posts.

I was amused by the following, in the partypoker .50/1.00 rooms.

"My husband told me that since it only costs 50 cents to play a hand, I should play every single hand, but since I've been doing that I've been losing".

[Sciolist]

I had someone mail in today who was complaining that four of a kind beat a flush twice - he was telling us to fix the system...

My all time favourite was someone who typed in chat "I'm 13". We close his account, and he mailed back saying (and this is a direct quote, I kept the mail):

[ QUOTE ]
Sorry, but i did not said i was 13, maybe it was a burglar or something, but i am 18 almost 19 so taht is not possible

[/ QUOTE ]

[stripsqueez]

i'm not sure if its stupid - the more i think about it the more sense it makes

live NL game - player A pushes for twice the sizeable pot on the turn and is called by player B - player B hits an inside straight draw and wins - player A commences the usual rant - "your like 10/1 to win how can you call ?" - player B responds "i was 50/50 - either i hit it or i dont"

what does gayest mean ? - is this related to a persons sexual preference ? - if so should i read your post to be equating something stupid with a person who chooses to engage in a same sex relationship ?

stripsqueez - chickenhawk

[KJ o]

[ QUOTE ]
Or playing omaha, some donk kept reraising my nut boat all the way through. I figured he must have second nut. Gets to showdown and he shows his four Jack's in the hole.

[/ QUOTE ]

Playing, and showing quads in your hand in Omaha is of course pretty amazing.

But weird table talk in Omaha/O8 happens all the time, and in a large majority of cases I'm convinced it's people who do know the rules trying to come off as complete fish. I have been guilty of that myself at times. I'm not sure it's +EV, but it's great fun, and that's enough for me.

Example:
I have Jxxx and get a free play in the BB against one limper. Flop comes JJJ. I check, intending to slowplay. Opponent checks.

Turn is an A. I bet a fair amount. He calls. River is x (don't remember, sorry). I bet a fair amount again. He folds.

Him: I had 77, but you had a higher pair
Me: I had an Ace for the full house
Him: What? You played that thinking you had a full house?
Me: Yes. JJJAA is a full house
Him: You are kidding me
Him: Don't you know you have to use two cards from your hand?
Me: No, is that true? Is that a special rule on this site?
Him: <Completely tilting, talking rubbish for fifteen minutes>

Well, I laughed, anyway...

[stigmata]

[ QUOTE ]
My all time favourite was someone who typed in chat "I'm 13".

[/ QUOTE ]

I was playing with some really abusive tard a while back, who was acting like a 12 year old. I asked him how old he was, and he starts showing off about how he is teenager and gambling underage on his mums credit card, etc. I sent the HH to Party, and they promptly banned him /images/graemlins/grin.gif /images/graemlins/grin.gif /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[KJ o]

[ QUOTE ]
In school you gots to be seen. Oh Yeah!

[/ QUOTE ]

From what I can tell, you don't "gots" to learn in school, anyway...

[Bobby Cannoli]

[ QUOTE ]
what is the gayest or most retarded thing someone has said to you while playing online poker???


[/ QUOTE ]

Anybody who uses "gay" referring to something other than people

[Turning Stone Pro]

"You are the best poker player I have ever seen."

TSP

[Al P]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
In school you gots to be seen. Oh Yeah!

[/ QUOTE ]

From what I can tell, you don't "gots" to learn in school, anyway...

[/ QUOTE ]

It's from the Sir-Mix-Alot commercial for Target.

[Spartacus]

I have to water my garden.

[LIRob23]

[Spartacus]

It was not a joke. It was like the 3rd or 4th hand of an $11 NL SNG on Paradise a while ago. I was in middle position with aces and made the standard raise. This guy moved in from late position some turd like 86 or 97 offsuit. He busted of course and said the line.

Pretty stupid comment consdiering if you don't have time for an SNG, then don't buy in.

[TemetNosce]

[ QUOTE ]
"Theres this guy on 2+2, MrMcVicker, whose got some of the most inciteful and worthwhile reading posts"

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm sure you didn't intend this spelling, but you could not have been more on target, boose. /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[Keith Fellmy]

brown trout

[danzasmack]

I CAN'T REMEMBER BUT IT WAS IN ALL CAPS THOUGH!!!!1111ONEONEONEELEVENELEVEN

[Piz0wn0reD!!!!!!]

"ill kick your ass"

"The Cubs are going to the playoffs."

[tubalkain]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
In school you gots to be seen. Oh Yeah!

[/ QUOTE ]

From what I can tell, you don't "gots" to learn in school, anyway...

[/ QUOTE ]

It's from the Sir-Mix-Alot commercial for Target.

[/ QUOTE ]

jopke

[TheIrishThug]

link (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=3001106&page=&view=&s b=5&o=&vc=1)

[boose_bagina]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"Theres this guy on 2+2, MrMcVicker, whose got some of the most inciteful and worthwhile reading posts"

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm sure you didn't intend this spelling, but you could not have been more on target, boose. /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[/ QUOTE ]
spelling and grammar things I well do not.

[Crispy86]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"Theres this guy on 2+2, MrMcVicker, whose got some of the most inciteful and worthwhile reading posts"

[/ QUOTE ]

What do his posts insight you to do?

I have more pity for boring posters than horrid-spellers-making-fun-of-boring-posters.

Edit: Oh, nevermind. I see the problem. It's probably the colour on your favourites.

[/ QUOTE ]

Meaning this as a mere friendly poke, this post was quite funny especially considering it was edited too. Refering to the comment on the spellers in context of your first question. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[TemetNosce]

But, unintended humor you do goot...

[MustangMarc]

I personally find it stupid to habitually use the word "gay" to mean "stupid, lame, or anything unwanted."

[wulfheir]

after a flop like 5 6 7 saying "i knew i shouldn't have folded my 4 8."

[Rosie5]

my AA loses to AKo all in preflop and dude types 'justice' after winning by rivering a queen to complete his A-T Straight

sickening

[illunious]

I hate 'unreal'

This was pretty dumb (limit):
XX: i lost the other day with a full house As and Ks to quad Ks
...
XX: he slow played it perfectly
...
XX: let me do the betting and he just called
...
Me: i would think the perfect thing to do was cap every opportunity
YY (other player): you would be wrong
YY: He would have guessed at a big hand and folded

10+1 SNG:
XX: gl everyone hope to c u at the final table

[ncboiler]

Somone once told me I was a good player and I instantly thought WTF is he talking about? I suck. Then I realize that's [censored] you say to a fish.

Live limit cash game, San Jose CA, Bay 101.

After making a comment about someone who just moved tables and relative skill levels.. The guy to my right "Poker is not a game of skill. You're just playing the cards on the board, you have them or you don't."

I almost began to debate it, but just nodded and went back to my cards.

Just a few minutes later he reaches into his wallet to buy in again for the 5th time.

That was a fun night.

[tworooks]

[ QUOTE ]
Sorry, but i did not said i was 13, maybe it was a burglar or something, but i am 18 almost 19 so taht is not possible

[/ QUOTE ]

This is way too funny. A burglar, lmao.

[Python49]

Huge fish from my live game at college was always made fun of when we played and one day tried to argue back. Him trying to argue back logistics through poker is like a blind man arguing about the quality of a graphics card. After people continually got frustrated that he was playing hands like 2/7 he blurts out "LOOK GUYS, THE QUALITY OF YOUR STARTING CARDS IS ONLY DETERMINED BY WHAT COMES OUT ON THE BOARD". Someone responds: "How can quality of starting cards be dependent on an event which has not yet occured (the flop)"... *silence*

[Rduke55]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm back at school and its been a little while
I learn but I learn in style
Look at these t-shirts denim too
and don't step on the shoes
Do you like jeans? Yeah! Jeans. Yeah!
In school you gots to be seen. Oh Yeah!
Trying to come back with the hottest look
Without tapping Mom's pocketbook.
Baby I'm back.

[/ QUOTE ]

That commercial was so bad (therefore awesome) I rewound it on the DVR and dragged my wife in the room to watch it.
Mesmerizing.

[BigF]

[ QUOTE ]
Huge fish from my live game at college was always made fun of when we played and one day tried to argue back. Him trying to argue back logistics through poker is like a blind man arguing about the quality of a graphics card. After people continually got frustrated that he was playing hands like 2/7 he blurts out "LOOK GUYS, THE QUALITY OF YOUR STARTING CARDS IS ONLY DETERMINED BY WHAT COMES OUT ON THE BOARD". Someone responds: "How can quality of starting cards be dependent on an event which has not yet occured (the flop)"... *silence*

[/ QUOTE ]

To be honest, that "someone" is not very bright either.

[billymonk]

Just a minute ago

Dealer: Player1 wins pot ($5.75) with two pair, Sevens and Deuces
Player2: 72
Player2: lol
Player1: I walways play it on PS!

[WDC]

Just last week

I had flopped a set of aces after raising from the small blind

another guy turned a pair and rivered two pair

we went three bets preflop; one on the flop
3 on the turn

4 on the river

as i am dragging the pot the guy types in

unreal: somebody alawys got a set when i have too pair (the mispellings are his)

[KneeCo]

I play micro-limits on Party, so I hear some really dumb comments (while I myself avoid the chat like the plague). Anyway, this is from just moments ago at a Party .5/1 table.

[ QUOTE ]

#2565142168: aces4alice wins $6.50 from the main pot with three of a kind, queens.
LewFather: runner runner Q's thats unforgetable
LewFather: def going down in the 2+2 forums
LewFather: he had no draw he was literally drawing to KQ KK QQ and he hit it
LewFather: brutal..


[/ QUOTE ]
(emphasis added)

[TobDog]

web page (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=2397358&page=&view=&sb=5& o=&fpart=all&vc=1)

[Python49]

[ QUOTE ]
To be honest, that "someone" is not very bright either.

[/ QUOTE ]
What he was getting at is that... you judge quality of starting cards by just that.. their quality. A 2/6 is not a quality hand as a "starting" hand.. so by the guy saying his "starting hand" quality is determined by a flop is stupid. He's basically saying "I'm going to judge how good my cards are before the flop by how good they are after the flop". By definition... "AK" is clearly a better "starting" hand than 3/7.

Playing at the final table of a live tourney. I raise, guy moves all-in on me. I have AK and call. We turn up our cards and he says. "Yes!, I was right. I put you on 2 overs." Flop an A and tell him GG.

[vipon]

"You can't fold before the flop because you never know what will come."

hahaha ive said this many times, its funnier when people agree

I once limped in with AA. After I won the pot a guy says to me "You were supposed to raise with AA"

[SinCityGuy]

Party 5/10 Shorthanded

"The Buffalo Bills are going to win the Superbowl this year."

[Uppercut]

In a Party SnG, I called someone's all-in bet with my KK and won a showdown against the pusher's QQ. Another player at the table then typed: "You are lucky he didn't flop a Queen."

[HopeydaFish]

Not the stupidest thing, but the most recent stupid thing:

Late in a NL MTT, I was holding QQ in early position and made a good sized bet and only got one caller. The flop comes Qxx rainbow. I check, he bets, I go all-in and he calls, showing AK suited. Of course, the turn and river complete his runner-runner flush and he knocks me out of the tourney.

As I'm leaving the table, one of the other players types "wow", and villain types back "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'WOW'? THE BETTER HAND WON, IDIOT".

Sigh.

[HopeydaFish]

Another comment that I see fairly regularly in Omaha Hi/Lo: "Why didn't I win Lo?" when they aren't holding the low hand (but think they are because they don't understand the rules), and people that come right out and ask "What is lowest possible hand", or "How do you play this game" when they sit down to play Omaha H/L. You'd think that people would take the time to learn the rules before spending real money on the game...let alone learning strategy, starting hands, etc...

That being said, I'm always very quick to explain the rules to these players (but no strategy, of course). It keeps them at the table until their money is gone, as opposed to leaving to go learn the rules on their own. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[timprov]

[ QUOTE ]
You'd think that people would take the time to learn the rules before spending real money on the game...let alone learning strategy, starting hands, etc...

[/ QUOTE ]

No kidding. These guys are a goldmine in triple draw; every once in a while somebody shows up who takes half an hour or more to figure out it's lowball.

[HopeydaFish]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You'd think that people would take the time to learn the rules before spending real money on the game...let alone learning strategy, starting hands, etc...

[/ QUOTE ]

No kidding. These guys are a goldmine in triple draw; every once in a while somebody shows up who takes half an hour or more to figure out it's lowball.

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL...in O/8 we get all of the HE refugees...and they play O/8 as if it is "four card HE". So they'll raise pre-flop with hands like AAKK (or better yet, AAAK), will continue chasing high with no chance at low, etc... It's obvious that they didn't spend one second looking at any information regarding O/8 starting hands or strategy before sitting down to play. At least 50% of my winnings each week come from these guys. I stopped playing HE to focus on O/8 once I realized how many of my opponents were totally clueless.

[CountDuckula]

Anything typed in ALL CAPS.

-Mike

[Awesemo]

I made a call with jack high and won, the guy said "I would beat you up in real life for that call"

[Maulik]

some fish at Borgata who was a speech writer for the current administration.

dealer: "you're big"
fish: "I know"
dealer: "that's not what I meant"

few mins later

'shark' "that guy puts you to shame"
fish: "thanks I guess I'm only the 2nd fattest person here tonight"

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Sorry, but i did not said i was 13, maybe it was a burglar or something, but i am 18 almost 19 so taht is not possible

[/ QUOTE ]

This is way too funny. A burglar, lmao.

[/ QUOTE ]
Can you picture a thief entering the house, noticing that the player's account has been left logged on, and, suddenly coming to the realization that sitting down and playing some poker is more +EV than stealing the computer itself, sits down and plays for an hour or so.

...2+2er gone thief

[jman220]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
To be honest, that "someone" is not very bright either.

[/ QUOTE ]
What he was getting at is that... you judge quality of starting cards by just that.. their quality. A 2/6 is not a quality hand as a "starting" hand.. so by the guy saying his "starting hand" quality is determined by a flop is stupid. He's basically saying "I'm going to judge how good my cards are before the flop by how good they are after the flop". By definition... "AK" is clearly a better "starting" hand than 3/7.

[/ QUOTE ]

And what BigF was getting at was, don't tap on the glass.

[jman220]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Sorry, but i did not said i was 13, maybe it was a burglar or something, but i am 18 almost 19 so taht is not possible

[/ QUOTE ]

This is way too funny. A burglar, lmao.

[/ QUOTE ]
Can you picture a thief entering the house, noticing that the player's account has been left logged on, and, suddenly coming to the realization that sitting down and playing some poker is more +EV than stealing the computer itself, sits down and plays for an hour or so.

...2+2er gone thief

[/ QUOTE ]

Crime has gotta pretty much always be -EV, when you factor in the risk of ruin.

[maybedinero]

I've heard this level of idiocy is seen on Party, but only yesterday did I see it with my own eyes.
The background, a fish (with a female Party avatar) cracks QQ with T2 suited two hands previously:

Tosser named & shamed, identity of fish protected :-)

ba11er6969: ten two XXXXing jackass
ba11er6969: preflop for a XXXXing dollar
ba11er6969: you need a tampon adjustment
ba11er6969 folds.
fish: had one couler
ba11er6969: what a douche rag
ba11er6969: im going to rape her eye socket
fish: and i can mis 4 dollars
ba11er6969: behold
ba11er6969: tampongina
ba11er6969: it walks
ba11er6969: it breathes
ba11er6969: it plays poker
ba11er6969: allright tampongina
ba11er6969: what do you have this hand
ba11er6969: tampon gina
ba11er6969: whats your secret
...
fish: i hope 4 him he is gay he never get a women

Sadly seven hands later fish left the table.

the most stupid thing i ever heard on a online poker table was, when i was observing a 300 - 600 game at ultimate. the guy said: ...."this depends on which mathematics you use for calculating".

[maybedinero]

At least that had proper spelling and grammar (if bizarre). "had one couler" will live on. I will make sure of it.

[gila]

I do not know about the stupidiest, but the worst thing I have heard is "I hope your parents die of Cancer", followed by "I hope your parents are killed in the next terrorist attacks". That guy was a pure spirit.

[Sciolist]

Oh, I once had someone say that he hopes I die of stomach cancer in a country that doesn't have morphine.

I didn't stop laughing for half an hour.

[MaxPowerPoker]

[ QUOTE ]
what is the gayest or most retarded thing someone has said to you while playing online poker???

[/ QUOTE ]

"I had an H high flusk!"

[jokerthief]

A guy once berated me for catching an "inside flush" on him.

[imported_The Vibesman]

Having a conversation over the previous hand with a player, we were talking about the outs they picked up on the turn, a friendly conversation. A guy on the table said, "What's an out?" Still not sure if he was joking.

Another time, 3 jacks on the flop, two players in the hand. One had turned Jacks full of kings, the other had the case jack. A player, not in the hand, berated Jacks full for reraising on the turn, stating that if the board comes JJJ in a nine handed game and you don't have the fourth jack you can always expect to lose. Said when there a trips on the board someone will have the fourth card in their hand - get this - ninety percent of the time in a nine-handed game.

[theblitz]

[ QUOTE ]
A guy on the table said, "What's an out?" Still not sure if he was joking.

[/ QUOTE ]
I am 100% sure - he wasn't.

[dlk9s]

Whenever someone says "lucky" when they get rivered. I can't stand that.

Really, there is luck involved in poker? Wow. I didn't realize that.

If I'm the person who won on the river and someone says, "lucky," I just say, "Yes, I was."

[theblitz]

How about when people say "Sorry" after getting a nice river.

Do they ever REALLY mean it? If they do, then they shouldn't be playing.
I NEVER say sorry - cos I'm not!

And how about the players who wish everyone GL when we sit down for a tourney. Do they really mean it?
Even funnier is to see that in a HU game.

[rocketlaunch]

"If I have pocket aces and it gets capped and every single player calls and I'm on the button, then I fold! With everyone in like that, I only have two outs!"

He was serious. Different guy:

"You know when they list those percentages of one hand over another hand...well I don't think they take into consideration people who just won't fold."

He was serious, too.

[beaster]

Someone shot me a beaut over the weekend after I drew out on him -- I couldn't stop laughing and snickering for an hour:

"YOU SUCK AT POKER AND AT LIFE"

Bahahahaha!

[Avatar of Wine]

In a live 3/6 game, an exceptionally dorky kid sitting in the 5-hole was really trying hard to fit in . . . the greasy hair and calculator watch weren't helping, but damn was he trying. Some highlights of his tabletalk:

Someone asks if they spread games other than hold'em, he replies: "I've seen them play another game . . . it was called . . . poker, something?"

The dealer tosses him his first card, he looks right at the (female) dealer directly across from him, and says, "I'm gonna bluff you. I'm going to bluff you this hand." She just looked blankly back at him while we tried to conceal laughter.

He stands up and tells the dealer he's leaving the chips on the table but "i'll be back - remember this shirt!" It would be hard to forget the oversized shiny green polyester digs, homey, but thanks for pointing it out.

After flipping over pocket aces to my pocket jacks in a home game nl tourney.
"I really don't like my situation, I only have two outs while you must have, what, at least 8."


Another game, $2-4 limit home game, two players left at the end, player one flips over cards, shows straight, player two mucks.

Player 2, 30 seconds later (told us he had played poker before but it was evident he might have caught an episode of wsop) "Wait a second, does a full house beat a straight?"

[craig r]

[ QUOTE ]
How about when people say "Sorry" after getting a nice river.

Do they ever REALLY mean it? If they do, then they shouldn't be playing.
I NEVER say sorry - cos I'm not!

And how about the players who wish everyone GL when we sit down for a tourney. Do they really mean it?
Even funnier is to see that in a HU game.

[/ QUOTE ]

The worst is "whoops" when this happens. WTF is that suppossed to mean? Are they needling me?

[HesseJam]

[ QUOTE ]
my AA loses to AKo all in preflop and dude types 'justice' after winning by rivering a queen to complete his A-T Straight

sickening

[/ QUOTE ]

Did you reply "How was this justice, please explain!" or something like that? If yes, and this happened maybe 5 weeks ago, it was me. Background: I was at the receiving end of bad beats the whole day so the dark side in me wanted to add a little insult to injury.

[Delphin]

Delete your cookies and you will be dealt better cards.
Don't believe me, try it.
Delete your cookies right now.
I deleted all my cookies and I can't believe the difference.
Delete your cookies to be dealt better hands.

[jedi]

In 2 separate games, I had morons.

1 game was someone berating a LAG for playing "wrong" though the next hand he limped wiht A6o UTG, and caught 2 pair to crack my KK and LAG's AQ.

Another game was in a SnG and I was berated for being a moron when I pushed on the bubble with KQ and was called by AT who limped then called my push (I won). When we were in the money, I pushed with 78s, and got called by 69 for 3/4 of his chips and was again called a moron by the AT guy I had busted earlier.

[AASooted]

Just the other day:

Angry Player: god u XXXXing fat piece of XXXXing dog XXXX
Angry Player: how XXXXign lucky can u get
Angry Player: i hope ur XXXXing eyes pour out of ur skull as u burn in the flames of hell forever
Me: Have a nice day!

The whole table was convinced I was a bot because I pwned them so bad. There was actually a thread about this on micro that got locked down

[CORed]

[ QUOTE ]
A guy once berated me for catching an "inside flush" on him.

[/ QUOTE ]

You mean you don't know that you should only draw to open ended flushes?

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
A guy once berated me for catching an "inside flush" on him.

[/ QUOTE ]

You mean you don't know that you should only draw to open ended flushes?

[/ QUOTE ]

I think it's only right to do this on suited flushes.

[ohnonotthat]

The most FREQUENTLY made stupid comment I've heard is the referrence to the dreaded "cashout curse".

Note to all who have been victimized by this curse:

In all likelyhood you cashed out after a win - and probably a disproportionately large win. ( Disp. large: a big rush )

You may or may not be a winning player but even if you are you're quite likely to go through a drought - or what will appear to be a drought - after making a big hit.

If you are an overall losing player you'll be exceptionally likely to suffer from "the curse" due to the fact that statistically you had no business winning 100 big bets in a session ( for that matter you were the underdog to win fifty cents in a session ) and what you are now suffering is what is termed "regression to the mean".

If you are an overall winner who just made a huge score you too are due to regress toward your own personal mean although as a winning player your mean is on the "+" side of zero meaning that you are a favorite in any given session and you are therefore less likely - though quite capable - of having a bad run of cards immediately after ( or prior to, or during ) a cashout.

DO YOU GET IT NOW ? ? ? ? ?

*

This is the type of allegation that only the dimmest of the dim would ever cling to - and herein lies the problem.

The "dimmest of the dim" pay my bills; both at the tables and away from them.

It's vital that they be made aware that the site operators are, in all but a few isolated instances, as honest as the day is long; it would be the height of stupidity for them to be anything but. The smaller sites make millions from the rake; the large(r) site(s) make incalculable amounts.

Why would they kill with the goose that lays the golden eggs ?

Ideally you will all take a moment to dispel this myth the next time you "hear" time being discussed in the chatbox. If not, well - at least I was able to get it off my chest.

Happy hunting and thanks for your time.

- Chris

Some kid in my dorm in this crappy NL game: "i play so much better when im tired. Its like, trill tight."
Egocide: "Sigh. Yea, man, trill tight"

[Wee Stinker]

Real quotes from home poker games (featuring alcohol)

"Let's have a game of five star cud"

Dealer: "Who's to bet?".
Other players: "You have to deal the cards first."

Player 1: "Someone hasn't posted their blind..."
Other players: "It's you, again"

"This version of poker is called 'Lasagne with extra choccy topping' and uses all the cards in the deck"

"I ain't never seen no-one do nothing like that before"

[stigmata]

A good one from last nights session:

I hit my nut flush draw on the river. Retarded villain states: "[censored] moron. I can't believe you chase with that crap"