Cocaine and flying on a plane (trace amount of cocaine)????

I am posting this anonymously for obvious reasons, but I am a long time poster here. Over the last few months I have developed quite a bad coke habit. I am going to be flying in the next few days to get my head "cleared" and figure out what steps to take to not do this anymore. My question is this: Obviously when you do cocaine and you are kind of sloppy about it, it will get on your clothes, shoes, etc...If there are drug dogs at the airport will I be fuc-ed? I don't know if I will have time to do laundry before I leave and I am nervous that the dogs would smell it and then I would be held/questioned.

I don't know if anybody here will even be able to help me with this. Also, I am not asking because I plan on trying to sneak drugs on the plane. This question is not in disguise. I am being fully honest of my intentions. So, please hold off on any accusations. Also, I do not need comments about how I am a dumbass for doing drugs or anything like that. Obviously, I already know this and this is why I am quitting.

On a side note, does anybody find that "this life" (gambling...whether winning or losing is very ) is more susceptible to drug use? I think it might be. Because, even though I am a winning player, I still get a "rush" from playing (as I am sure other winners do as well). And cocaine is just another form of a rush.

Thanks for any help with this.

p.s. This is not a gimmick account and once my questions are answered and I comment on them, the account will never be used again.

Yeah, just don't pull a $20 bill out of your pocket- you will get trampled.

[nothumb]

If you don't have any cocaine on you, you'll be fine even if the dogs zero in on you. However you may be subjected to strip searches, etc, so I would suggest doing your laundry.

As to your other question, while cocaine and amphetamine use was once rampant among 'grinders' and live pros, it does not seem to be a major phenomenon among the most successful internet players. The best of these tend to be stronger math and game theory types, and due to the circles that these guys run in (read: nerdy) and their need for control and order, I think drugs are a far lesser influence on the 'new generation.'

However, if you feel you've identified a link between the two, and you have an addictive personality, you may want to consider other work.

NT

[fluorescenthippo]

[ QUOTE ]
I do not need comments about how I am a dumbass for doing drugs or anything like that.

[/ QUOTE ]

[wacki]

Don't carry any straws, razors, etc with stuff on it. Good luck dude. I'm glad you are kicking this habit.

I would not carry razors or anything like that. I am leaving to clear my head. I want to quit. I don't think bringing paraphenilia (sp?) is a step in the right direction. Thanks for your support and help with this question.

[fimbulwinter]

a piece of advice from someone who has been around folks getting down off this stuff: get real medical help. kicking any real drugs (meth, coke, opiates etc.) alone/cold turkey is darn near impossible. go to the ED and get help. doctors, nurses et al won't judge you/turn you in and they'll help you out.

fim

[silkyslim]

seriously ddue, dont worry about it. The only time i ever heard of someone getting pwned for coke is when my uncle crossed the candaianda border. They swipede his ID and someone (oh no, not me!) had done a line off it. He got searched thouroughly (oh yeah!) and then let go. No airport pwnage though. The drug dogs are all strung out anyway, thats why theyare called "drug dogs" get a clue!!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
a piece of advice from someone who has been around folks getting down off this stuff: get real medical help. kicking any real drugs (meth, coke, opiates etc.) alone/cold turkey is darn near impossible. go to the ED and get help. doctors, nurses et al won't judge you/turn you in and they'll help you out.

fim

[/ QUOTE ]

Sadly, I was actually in the ER last night. I kept feeling like my heart was pounding just a little too fast. It turns out I am fine. It was just lack of sleep, lack of eating, anxiety (from coke and i am also an anxious person), and cocaine. Once I got there I knew I was going to be okay, because after triage (they checked blood pressure, pulse, etc...) they had me wait for about 1.5 hours. I assume if my blood pressure was way high (it was high, but just the "common" high from cocaine use), they would have brought me back a to the Dr. a little quicker.

As far as "real" help. I am definitely going to. I asked the Dr. last night if I quit smoking for a year after smoking for 13 years, will this be easier...and she said it would be. Especially, since this coke problem has only been going on for about 1.5 months. Of course, the same night I did cocaine for my first time basically, I started smoking again as well (self destruction anyone?). She told me that there have been lots of studies done that have proven over the last 10 years that cocaine is not nearly as physically addictive as they once thought (especially compared to meth, nicotine, and heroin). Where I am going to I will have no access to drugs. And when I come back I will be in a program (not like CA or anything..I haven't hit "bottom" yet). It will be something outpatient, but like 2 times a week.

I am leaving because I just need to get my head cleared. Though, I never realized how much I was doing until the other day. The dr. and a friend had told me the fact that I spent 1K in one week on cocaine after only doing it for such a short period of time (I was getting a "good deal", well not a good deal, you know what i mean...)but that is the equivalent of 10 eight balls.

Also, I can't even monetarily afford this path any longer, 4K a month is more than I can spend. And even if I could afford that, I am pretty sure the problem would become bigger and then be even more expensive. Anyway, I am going to end this rant now.

Thank you so much for the advice. I am not just "running away" for two weeks and then planning on coming back and everything being okay. I know this is something I am going to have to deal with for a while.

[ QUOTE ]
seriously ddue, dont worry about it. The only time i ever heard of someone getting pwned for coke is when my uncle crossed the candaianda border. They swipede his ID and someone (oh no, not me!) had done a line off it. He got searched thouroughly (oh yeah!) and then let go. No airport pwnage though. The drug dogs are all strung out anyway, thats why theyare called "drug dogs" get a clue!!!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

Ummmm..I apologize for my stupidity. I didn't know the drug dogs were high all the time. Maybe I will quit and become a dealer instead. And smuggle kilos across the U.S. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[mike l.]

id like to do some cocaine right about now, i wish i knew what poster you are? lmd is that you?

anyway best of luck, dont be paranoid people high on coke and with coke on their clothes and stuff fly around all the time, you will be fine.

[ChoicestHops]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. If you can't wash your clothes give them a good shake and make sure have no paraphernalia on your obviously.

[dibbs]

You'll be fine. Jesus don't take any with you though, or herb or pills or whatever. Worst thing that could happen is the dogs point you out, you get searched, that's that. They almost certainly won't get a trace though. Good luck in beatin that ish.

[Nick-Zack]

Why not just buy some new clothes if that will help your paranoia?

[ QUOTE ]
Why not just buy some new clothes if that will help your paranoia?

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't know if this will qualify as paranoia. I was under the impression that these dogs can smell even the tiniest traces. I could be wrong though. And, I am just concerned that I would be possibly searched or detained. Especially since they crack down pretty hard on things since 9/11. I don't know, maybe our definition of paranoia is different. I consider paranoia a fear of something that is completely unfounded or a fear of something that has a small chance of happening. I did not know whether there was any risk with the dogs, that is why I am asking. Also, I think, by my definition of paranoid, I would be going out of my way to wah all my clothes, clean under my nails, etc...And would have never asked the question in the first place.

[ QUOTE ]
You'll be fine. Jesus don't take any with you though, or herb or pills or whatever. Worst thing that could happen is the dogs point you out, you get searched, that's that. They almost certainly won't get a trace though. Good luck in beatin that ish.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, I have to take Xanex. I really HATE flying. So my dr. gives me enough for a round trip flight. That usually does the trick /images/graemlins/smile.gif.

[ChipWrecked]

There are trace amounts of coke on much of American currency. I don't think the dogs will alert to you unless your upper lip is powdery or something.

[ QUOTE ]
There are trace amounts of coke on much of American currency. I don't think the dogs will alert to you unless your upper lip is powdery or something.

[/ QUOTE ]

My upper lip isn't my biggest concern. Its more the fact that I can't go more than 10 minutes without doing the stuff. So, if there is a long line at security I hope nobody notices when I pour a bit on my knife and snort it right there. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

As far as the dogs picking up the scent, I think a bigger concern will be me explaining that I didn't know a gun (not loaded) was against FAA policy (God, I hope nobody from the U.S. government reads this site...Well, with the PATRIOT Act, I am sure they will be waiting for me at the airport).

[MrTrik]

Good luck quitting. I think you'll be happy you did someday.

[NutCrackerr]

Buy a can of dog repellant. Spray yourself down, the dogs won't come anywhere near you. The stuff actually works. I used to know a mule and he sweared by the stuff.

[Paluka]

I sincerely wish you good luck in quitting. Some people can handle doing drugs, but the insane [censored] things they do to the people who can't is not really worth the risk.

[BeerMoney]

Good luck man. You won't have any problems on the plane. I fly all of the time and have never seen these dogs you're talking about.

I have some friends I wish were smart enough to take care of this problem the way you are.

[Voltron87]

cocaine is such an awful drug, i am never touching that [censored]

[IlliniRyRy]

No offense, but I find it really hard to believe that you don't have time to do your laundry. If you're reading this right now, you could be doing laundry instead. Anyway, aside from that, yeah I wouldn't worry at all about small trace amounts on your clothes. And good job quitting the drug habit, it will be the best decision you've ever made. Cocaine is the worst drug imaginable if you're already an anxious person. I bet you're a caffeine addict too, right? Poker players are definitely more susceptible to drug use simply because they're more likely to have addictive personalities.

[eastbay]

Side effect of cocaine abuse: paranoia.

Just do your damn laundry, for chrissakes.

Oh, and why do you need a plane ride to stop using? Throw away what you have and don't buy any more.

eastbay

[ QUOTE ]
cocaine is such an awful drug, i am never touching that [censored]

[/ QUOTE ]

I am 27 years old and as of about 2 months ago, I have never touched the sh-t. I don't know what made me do it that night. But, I really wish I never touched it. I have had days where I have been up for over 48 hours. I am 5'10 and weight about 140..I think I might have lost 5-10 pounds in the last 3 weeks. I already have anxiety problems, so coming down from the coke doesn't help. Luckily I get to work from home. So, it hasn't effected my job at all. In fact, it has made my job performance better.

But, I know I am not to "far gone" (though I know if I continue I will be). I still care about things. Like my favorite baseball team (i feel if i mention what team that is I might start giving hints of who I am /images/graemlins/smile.gif ), my job, dating girls (well, my desire for that hasn't been as strong), etc...

I definitely should not have touched it because I know I have an addictive personality. Which brings up something Tech said in an earlier post about maybe I should quit poker as well. I am a winning poker player (at least over 75K hands that I have in PT), but that doesn't mean I can't get a rush out of it. I love the rush of possibly winning a big pot. I think he might have misunderstood me when I said that I get a rush from playing poker. I don't play above my 500BB bankroll. I also like to bet on sports, but I don't even handicap those games. I buy picks from a VERY reputable site. But, once again, I never bet more than 2% of my roll on that either. But, I still get a rush out it. So, I don't think just because I get a rush out of poker or sportsbetting, that I should quit them. My question was this: Does gambling (whether winner or losers) make drug habits more possible? I guess kind of like being a rock star. They get a rush out of playing, singing, and writing, but that lifestyle if very conducive for a life of drug abuse. Is gambling possibly the same way?

Also, good for you not doing cocaine Voltron. Like i said, I had never done it before, and I spent a dime this week on it. This, after only a month of using "full time". </end rant>

[ QUOTE ]
No offense, but I find it really hard to believe that you don't have time to do your laundry. If you're reading this right now, you could be doing laundry instead. Anyway, aside from that, yeah I wouldn't worry at all about small trace amounts on your clothes. And good job quitting the drug habit, it will be the best decision you've ever made. Cocaine is the worst drug imaginable if you're already an anxious person. I bet you're a caffeine addict too, right? Poker players are definitely more susceptible to drug use simply because they're more likely to have addictive personalities.

[/ QUOTE ]

I work from home and have been working. Which is why I have not done it yet. Also, as of right now I don't really have the motivation to do it. I know in another post I mentioned that I still care about the "little things". But, at the same time I have to force myself to shower, clip my nails, call my friends, etc...I can only imagine how bad this would be in 6 months.

[eastbay]

[ QUOTE ]

I work from home and have been working. Which is why I have not done it yet. Also, as of right now I don't really have the motivation to do it. I know in another post I mentioned that I still care about the "little things". But, at the same time I have to force myself to shower, clip my nails, call my friends, etc...I can only imagine how bad this would be in 6 months.

[/ QUOTE ]

Jesus Christ. Walk over to the washer, put your clothes in, put some soap in and turn the knob. This isn't that hard.

If you really can't do that, you should check yourself into a psychiatric hospital immediately.

eastbay

[ QUOTE ]
Side effect of cocaine abuse: paranoia.

Just do your damn laundry, for chrissakes.

Oh, and why do you need a plane ride to stop using? Throw away what you have and don't buy any more.

eastbay

[/ QUOTE ]

I am going to a place and staying with a friend to clear my head. Then when I come back I am going to go to one of the several programs I have to choose from. Addiction, especially for people with addictive personalities, is not that easy. When I quit smoking for almost a year I had a good support system, but it was very tough. I think this might be easier. I just don't have the support system here that I will when I go to where I am going (once again, I am being vague about where I live and am going to keep some anonyminity (sp?). All I am saying is "don't buy anymore" is not as easy as it sounds.

Yet another job benefit. I never have to worry about this.

In fact just last week I was on Air Force One doing lines off of Ann Coulter's back while Sean Hannity gave me a rimjob.

Again, thanks for all the votes.

[eastbay]

[ QUOTE ]

I am going to a place and staying with a friend to clear my head. Then when I come back I am going to go to one of the several programs I have to choose from. Addiction, especially for people with addictive personalities, is not that easy. When I quit smoking for almost a year I had a good support system, but it was very tough. I think this might be easier. I just don't have the support system here that I will when I go to where I am going (once again, I am being vague about where I live and am going to keep some anonyminity (sp?). All I am saying is "don't buy anymore" is not as easy as it sounds.

[/ QUOTE ]

If you can't stop yourself from buying any more now, I don't think you will be able to after "getting your head together."

Which means you will need a supervised recovery. Anyway, I'm no doctor, but it doesn't take a genius to see that if you can't 1) stop buying, or 2) walk to the washer and put your clothes in, you are not in control of yourself. You need someone to take control over you until you are recovered.

eastbay

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

I work from home and have been working. Which is why I have not done it yet. Also, as of right now I don't really have the motivation to do it. I know in another post I mentioned that I still care about the "little things". But, at the same time I have to force myself to shower, clip my nails, call my friends, etc...I can only imagine how bad this would be in 6 months.

[/ QUOTE ]

Jesus Christ. Walk over to the washer, put your clothes in, put some soap in and turn the knob. This isn't that hard.

If you really can't do that, you should check yourself into a psychiatric hospital immediately.

eastbay

[/ QUOTE ]

I am possibly leaving today. I might not have time as well. I don't know if you have ever been addicted to anything like this (maybe you have), but I feel it is rather arrogant, if you haven't had an addictionl like cocaine, to assume it is that easy. Or, what I meant to say, (I really am not attacking you, I am not like that) was that if you haven't been a junky before (whick I am not sure that that I am that "far gone" yet), that maybe you don't know what you would do or how you would feel in this situation. Because I know as of a month ago, I had no idea what this is like. But, at the same time I have always known that it must be hard and sad. I am not on here looking for compassion. Nor, am I making excuses for myself.

[Voltron87]

eastbay,

usually your posts are excellent and i can tell youre a smart guy, but here i think youre wrong. cocaine ruins peoples lives for a reason. its not as simple as "dont buy it anymore" if you are addicted. i think getting to a place where the drug isnt available and out of the "cocaine-poker-cocaine" routine is a good idea.

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

I am going to a place and staying with a friend to clear my head. Then when I come back I am going to go to one of the several programs I have to choose from. Addiction, especially for people with addictive personalities, is not that easy. When I quit smoking for almost a year I had a good support system, but it was very tough. I think this might be easier. I just don't have the support system here that I will when I go to where I am going (once again, I am being vague about where I live and am going to keep some anonyminity (sp?). All I am saying is "don't buy anymore" is not as easy as it sounds.

[/ QUOTE ]

If you can't stop yourself from buying any more now, I don't think you will be able to after "getting your head together."

Which means you will need a supervised recovery. Anyway, I'm no doctor, but it doesn't take a genius to see that if you can't 1) stop buying, or 2) walk to the washer and put your clothes in, you are not in control of yourself. You need someone to take control over you until you are recovered.

eastbay

[/ QUOTE ]

From professionals, including MD's, psychologists, psychiatrists, and friends, none have disagreed with this decision of mine. They have all also said that this is not going to be as hard as I think. I just want to go and get my head cleared. And then, when I get back, be in some kind of program. I will have supervised recovery. Where I am going I have no access to drugs. And the person I am staying with will be able to help me greatly. I just think I am on that borderline of not needing to be under constant psychiatric care, but at the same time, needing help. Does that make sense?

[Cancer Merchant]

[ QUOTE ]

As far as the dogs picking up the scent, I think a bigger concern will be me explaining that I didn't know a gun (not loaded) was against FAA policy (God, I hope nobody from the U.S. government reads this site...Well, with the PATRIOT Act, I am sure they will be waiting for me at the airport).

[/ QUOTE ]

If you think getting past the drug dogs is tough, just how exactly do you think getting a gun, loaded or not, past a metal detector is going to happen? This is a one-way trip to federal PMITA prison. Going cold turkey behind bars is not going to be fun.

[johnnybeef]

[ QUOTE ]
Oh, and why do you need a plane ride to stop using? Throw away what you have and don't buy any more.

[/ QUOTE ]

If only it were this easy.

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

As far as the dogs picking up the scent, I think a bigger concern will be me explaining that I didn't know a gun (not loaded) was against FAA policy (God, I hope nobody from the U.S. government reads this site...Well, with the PATRIOT Act, I am sure they will be waiting for me at the airport).

[/ QUOTE ]

If you think getting past the drug dogs is tough, just how exactly do you think getting a gun, loaded or not, past a metal detector is going to happen? This is a one-way trip to federal PMITA prison. Going cold turkey behind bars is not going to be fun.

[/ QUOTE ]

It was a joke. Maybe not a good one, but I thought it would be obvious I was not being serious. Sorry for the confusion.

Also, I feel I am taking the right steps. I realize I have a problme (step 1) and I have the desire to change it (step 2), and I have a plan of action to change it (step 3). I know the life I have ahead of me if I don't. I will either end up homeless, sucking dick, in prison, or dead (or all of the above). This is not what I want for myself. And I think if people realized earlier in their addictions that they had a problem and really wanted to fix it...they would not have the problems that they end up with.

And I would like to apologize...I am not trying to attack you at all, or even be defensive. I just don't think things are as black and white as you are making them out to be. I just want a clear head and my old life back. And I am grateful that I am only a short time in..because I can only imagine what this would be like 6 months from now.

[johnnybeef]

Dude,

I had a slight problem with it about 2 years ago for a couple of months. One of my buddys had just bought a house and asked me if I wanted to move in with him and another one of his friends. I did, and thought that it was going to be a blast. Well little did I know, his other buddy was a dealer. Coke was something that I had done every once in a while in college at partys, but never more than once every couple of months. Upon moving in I would hit up his boy everytime I was drunk and wanted to sober up (3-4 times a week). After a couple of months, I realized that this was something that I could not control. As a result, I moved out, and disassociated myself from everyone I knew that did the stuff. It works. I recommend that you do the same.

[Voltron87]

I really can't understand why people do this drug, the thought of snorting it makes me sick. I saw someone snorting at a party and it made me almost physically sick, and I'm not really a squeamish person at all.

[ QUOTE ]
Dude,

I had a slight problem with it about 2 years ago for a couple of months. One of my buddys had just bought a house and asked me if I wanted to move in with him and another one of his friends. I did, and thought that it was going to be a blast. Well little did I know, his other buddy was a dealer. Coke was something that I had done every once in a while in college at partys, but never more than once every couple of months. Upon moving in I would hit up his boy everytime I was drunk and wanted to sober up (3-4 times a week). After a couple of months, I realized that this was something that I could not control. As a result, I moved out, and disassociated myself from everyone I knew that did the stuff. It works. I recommend that you do the same.

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually, I am pretty fortunate. None of my friends do the [censored] that I know of. In fact, other than the night I did it for the first time with some girl, I have never done it with anybody else. I have friends here that would support me, but not in a strong enough way. They wouldn't be around enough. When I go away and get my clear head again (I sure miss is /images/graemlins/smile.gif ), I will then come back and seek some form of treatment. I think at this point I will be off the [censored] long enough to deal with not having as much support. Like with quitting smoking, you really only need support the first week. Then you realize how strong you are. And, if like Eastbay said, I am not going to quit without psychiatric help, and I come back and "crack". Well, then he was right and that is what I will have to do. But, I think the steps I am taking are correct for right now.

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
I would not carry razors or anything like that. I am leaving to clear my head. I want to quit. I don't think bringing paraphenilia (sp?) is a step in the right direction. Thanks for your support and help with this question.

Chances of this happening with money/clothes are slim.



[/ QUOTE ]

I know what you meant. If something happened to have a dual use, they can pull a grain off of it and tag you. I've seen people get arrested that way before.

[wacki]

ugggh just a clarification. That guy had been "walked in on" so the cops had every reason to search his room. You are not in that situation. So the danger level is very low. However, there is a slim and unlikely chance.

Just an FYI.


[ QUOTE ]
From professionals, including MD's, psychologists, psychiatrists, and friends, none have disagreed with this decision of mine. They have all also said that this is not going to be as hard as I think.

[/ QUOTE ]

I have to ask. How do you talk about this with these people without getting arrested?


BTW: for other people. This person has been around before 11/2/04 so it's not in the $50 challenge. I am genuinely concerned for his health.

[tdarko]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v642/bo0001/rickj.jpg
"cocaine is a very powerful drug."

[johnnybeef]

good luck bro, the most important thing is desire.

[ QUOTE ]
ugggh just a clarification. That guy had been "walked in on" so the cops had every reason to search his room. You are not in that situation. So the danger level is very low. However, there is a slim and unlikely chance.

Just an FYI.


[ QUOTE ]
From professionals, including MD's, psychologists, psychiatrists, and friends, none have disagreed with this decision of mine. They have all also said that this is not going to be as hard as I think.

[/ QUOTE ]

I have to ask. How do you talk about this with these people without getting arrested?


BTW: for other people. This person has been around before 11/2/04 so it's not in the $50 challenge. I am genuinely concerned for his health.

[/ QUOTE ]

Before I went to the ER, I called and asked if they call the police for possible coke OD. They said that the only time they call the cops when you go to the ER is if you were shot, raped, or are acting violent. As far as MD's and shrinks..they can't say anything to the police. Unless they think I am a danger to someone else, like planning on killing someone, beating your wife, etc..., or if they think I am a true danger to myself; i.e. mainly suicide, not drug use (even though that is a danger to myself..but for some reason they don't report that....i guess because if they did nobody would be open with their counselors about drug use. Which if people weren't honest to their shrink about that,then they would never be able to get help. I guess the reason at hospitals they don't call the cops is because then people would feel like if they are OD'ing then they might not go to the hospital and could possibly die. I know if they would have told me that they call the cops, I wouldn't have went (of course, I knew a lot of my rapid heart racing was from anxiety and lack of sleep).

[ QUOTE ]
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v642/bo0001/rickj.jpg
"cocaine is a very powerful drug."

[/ QUOTE ]

What is so funny, I don't know why this pic reminded me of this, but it is amazing how I have seen so many true story movies about cocaine, yet decided to try it anyway. Like goodfellas, casino, blow, etc...And even though everything turned bad because of drugs with these guys, I wonder if part of me sees only the good side of "gangsters" or cocaine. Like maybe it is glorified. And for some odd reason, and I am just psychoanalyzing myself, but maybe I am attracted to that for some reason. Okay...where am I going with this nowhere. But, even my favorite musicians are on drugs or are ex druggies (so i must be attracted to this in some weird way). But, at the same time, some of my favorite ex punk rock stars that are still around have this redemption thing going as well. For example, Mike Ness of Social Distortion. And I am attracted to redemption as well. </end millionth rant>

[RacersEdge]

Is it a pain to carry cocaine to Maine while on a plane?

[James Boston]

[ QUOTE ]
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v642/bo0001/rickj.jpg
"cocaine is a hell of a drug."

[/ QUOTE ]

FYP

[ QUOTE ]
Is it a pain to carry cocaine to Maine while on a plane?

[/ QUOTE ]

Maine? Why would I be carrying cocaine on a plane? I think from most of my responses I am not trying to cover up a plan to carry drugs on a plane. I am obviously trying to quit.

[tdarko]

you will never quit if you keep making excuses for why you do or did it. mike ness and movies have nothing to do with you, nothing about is glorified in the po*er world either. until you can quit talking about gangsters and gamblers and all this propaganda i don't think you are going to quit. i pray that you do though b/c i have seen it ruin some people close to me.

the pic was just to make light of a stuffy situation. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

I wasn't making excuses. I was more psychoanalyzing an obvious attraction to self destruction (which is more of a root cause of the cocaine..btw...this anonymous account is kind of nice...being so open and girlie like /images/graemlins/smile.gif ). But, I also have an attraction to redemption. Take for example Malcom X (screw all political and racial beliefs for the time being). This is a man who was a pimp and a coke head. He rose up form that and became the main speaker for the NOI. Which is a big step, but they were racist and violent. Yet, he even changed his tone on that when he realized it was bullshit. Now, once again, this isn't about any of his political beliefs (though I personally agree with many), but more about redemption. So, even though I have a an attraction, for whatever reason, to self destruction, I aslo have an attraction to redemption. That was the point of my previous post.

I don't feel I am making excuses. I think I know why I do/did coke. I was bored and lonely. And no matter how many girls I [censored] or dated, it wouldn't go away.

Also, the Mike Ness comment was more about him and his drug use and then redempiton/grace. And this was someone I looked up to as a kid. And both Malcolm and Mike Ness are part of my inspiration for quitting. Because if they did it for years and I have only been doing it for a short while comparitively, I can quit just like they did.

See, I have no personal friends that were on this [censored] (or any other major drugs), so I have to look up to people that I have never met (okay, I met Mike Ness, but he isn't my friend).

I wanted to just say one other thing (well until someone comments on something else /images/graemlins/tongue.gif). Based on a lot of people's comments (not everybody's), it seems that people don't think I realize I have a problem. I realize this very much. When one friend told me that him and his friends a few years ago would buy an eight ball and it would last them about a week, I remember telling him that I did that in 24 hours. I didn't even think it was that big of a deal until he said "holy [censored]! You need to stop. You need help" (those were his exact words). I didn't even realize the problem was that big even when I was told that. Then when I realized I bought 1K this week (and by this week I don't mean today; the beginning of the week..haha)..i mean in one weeks time, I knew something really wasn't right. And when I kept doing it, even though I wasn't alwyas enjoying it, I knew things were pretty bad. And once the highs were only lasting 15-20 minutes, I really knew there was a problem.

Now, I almost have no choice to quit. Even if I took away all the mental and physical reasons to quit..even if those didn't exist or I didn't care, I cannot afford it monetary wise. It would be 4K a month. Anb that would move up within 2 months max. Where am I going to come up with $5500 hundreds dollars (including rent, bills, food..well I wouldn't eat as much) a month to support this habit. And like I said this would only increase. But, with the monetary problems come, the pride problems. Because I would have to make the money somehow. Either by commiting some form of crimes; i.e. dealing drugs (and isn't there a rule you don't get high on your own supply), stealing expensive [censored], prostitution (i have heard many stories of boys/men that got hooked on drugs and turned to this), etc...All these things are very degrading to me. Or, I could get caught with a bag of coke on me and get arrested. And the cops would probably try to make a deal with me; either I rat on my dealer or go to jail. Neither sound like real safe ideas. And I couldn't rat, because the guy I get the [censored] from could possibly get me killed (he is a nice guy, but who knows what he would do to stay out of jail. And lead to other reasons to quit....

I don't want to go to prison. That is my second biggest fear (right behind HIV/Cancer)..and there is a good chance that I would get HIV in prison. Whiteboys probably get [censored] in the ass more than black guys do.

Also, I am not a momma's boy. But, all of the above would break her heart. This is something I do not want to do. And the worst thing I could tell her, in this particular order, is that I am dying, i am going to prison, or I am on drugs.

But, all those reasons to NOT do it are great. But, from what I have been told from friends and shrinks..I need to find positive reasons to quit. Positive motivaton. I am very compassionate and enjoy helping people. And I can't help people if I can't help myself. And even though I have a great job, I want to go back to school to either counsel abused children, adoloscents, and adults. Or, maybe work for some organization that does some type of work on fighting the slave/sex trade. Both of the above are something that really really really bothers me. But, If I continue to do coke, I won't ever accomplish these things.

I also want to have a child some day. Of course this would require me to have sex again (hahahaha) and most likely get married. I am sure lots of girls want to marry a junky.

I also want to quit, because when I quit smoking, I was so proud. 13-14 years of smoking and I just up and quit one night. (obviously i have some self destrucitve side, but hopefully with cousenling and teatment I can get rid of this..the pattern can be broken). And I can take pride that I took a huge "gamble" with coke, got involved much deeper than i thought i would, but had the brains and heart to get out of it. And I can, like I said, take pride in that.

And, one last reason to quit is the moral reasons. Even though I am sure I will catch sh-t for this, I am definitely pretty far left (not a liberal...much further left than that..but not a commie..haha). I am vegan, I don't want to support scumbag companies (that was part motivation when I quit smoking. Why give money to a business who kills people??), and I know the hell people go through so people like me can get cocaine. Their have been regimes in colombia that have put people through hell so we can get this crap. And, now, Mexico is the biggest exporter of drugs. And these poor kids risk their lives to get this [censored] in the U.S. I can't support that.

Okay, this rant is almost over. The reason I went so in depth was not to prove how serious I am about quitting. I don't have anything to prove. I am fairly humble in fact. But, maybe another 2+2er will read this and realize that they shouldn't do it or can stop doing it. Even if it is just one person, that would make me happy.

And, I apologize, but one last reason I want to quit is because I don't want to "lose my soul" ("soul" for lack of better term). I know that drugs make people stop caring, they become selfish, and they sometimes become homicidal/or suicidal. And that is not me.

I was not happy before I started doing drugs, which is probably why I started, but I need to quit first and then get to the bottom of my unhappiness (I have recently been told I have bipolar2...which is harder to diagnose and is not as serious as regular bipolar disease). Which, being a bipolar person(whether one or two), these types of people tend to gravitate towards cocaine or alcohol (I don't drink at all..I can't stan drinking..it makes me sick).

Anyways...I am done with this rant. I believe I can quit. And I know I will quit. It might be real hard. Or maybe it will be easier than I think. I will find out.

And if I crack when I get back, then I will for certain take Eastbay's advice. Because I refuse to become/stay a junkie. I have no excuse. I had a fairly good childhood, I have a very good job (I mean I get paid fairly well, especially since I work from home, I have friends who love me and who I love, and I have all the options in the world (I believe a lot of people turn to drugs because they feel trapped and dont' feel they have a lot of options).

Okay, I am for real finished now. Sorry once again.

p.s. I am very suprised how supportive the OOT group has been. Even though Eastbay was kind of giving me a hard time, I still feel he wasn't doing it to be a jerk. I just think he doesn't 100% understand the situation, because it appears (and I could be wrong) he has never been in the situation.

Sorry for such a long post. I just wanted to kind of get all my thoughts out and I hope I didn't bore or ruin anybody's day with this post.

[bugstud]

I think the sabbatical is a really good idea fwiw.

Drugs are bad, mmmkay?

[ILL34GL3]

Didn't read the whole thread but just wanted to tell you how I kicked my coke habit. It was simple. I just had to sever all ties with anyone who could get me coke for a few months. I slept alot during that period.

Good luck man. Glad you've realized cocaine sucks ballsgina.

[peachy]

if ur serious about quitting...send me a PM or something if u want and ill tell u how i dealt with it

[sublime]

if you decide not to quit, i will be glad to turn you out on the streets of LA.

[eastbay]

[ QUOTE ]
eastbay,

usually your posts are excellent and i can tell youre a smart guy, but here i think youre wrong. cocaine ruins peoples lives for a reason. its not as simple as "dont buy it anymore" if you are addicted. i think getting to a place where the drug isnt available and out of the "cocaine-poker-cocaine" routine is a good idea.

[/ QUOTE ]

You misunderstand me. My first post was just a stick-poke to see where this guy's at. He's bad. Real bad.

I'm not saying don't go. I'm saying going is not going to solve the problem. He's just going to buy when he gets back, unless someone is there to stop him. I've witnessed this more than once. I've seen what happens to people. The idea that "clearing his head" is going to change things for more than a few days after his return is a fantasy.

Certainly getting in a program is a necessity, but it sounds as if an outpatient program isn't going to be sufficient.

I'm not totally ignorant of the general idea personally, either. I've quit smoking, and I've read it many places that this is more difficult with a higher recitivism rate than just about any drug, including cocaine. People smoke through their stomas for a reason.

Quitting like this is as simple or complicated as you want to make it. Believe me, I've made it complicated, with the endless "first I'll just do this" excuses that never seem to end or produce the desired results. The desired results are realizing that you want to stop, and then stopping. Stopping consists of getting rid of your supplies and not buying any more. Period.

If you can't do that, you have to change your environment until you can.

eastbay

[sublime]

[ QUOTE ]
if ur serious about quitting...send me a PM or something if u want and ill tell u how i dealt with it

[/ QUOTE ]

http://www.crackwhoreconfessions.com/images/tina2_crack_whore.jpg

you have come so far!

[peachy]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
if ur serious about quitting...send me a PM or something if u want and ill tell u how i dealt with it

[/ QUOTE ]

http://www.crackwhoreconfessions.com/images/tina2_crack_whore.jpg

you have come so far!

[/ QUOTE ]

thx

[eastbay]

[ QUOTE ]
Even though Eastbay was kind of giving me a hard time, I still feel he wasn't doing it to be a jerk. I just think he doesn't 100% understand the situation, because it appears (and I could be wrong) he has never been in the situation.


[/ QUOTE ]

I have never been a cokehead, but you don't have to be to know when someone needs to be slapped around a little.

eastbay

[sublime]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Even though Eastbay was kind of giving me a hard time, I still feel he wasn't doing it to be a jerk. I just think he doesn't 100% understand the situation, because it appears (and I could be wrong) he has never been in the situation.


[/ QUOTE ]

I have never been a cokehead, but you don't have to be to know when someone needs to be slapped around a little.

eastbay

[/ QUOTE ]

do you think peachy in that picture deserved to be smacked around a little?

[gorie]

i had a suicidal friend once and something about these posts remind me of him.

he wasn't a drug addict though.

at least you have hope.

i get the feeling you don't feel ready to quit, but i hope you do, and good luck.

[eastbay]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Is it a pain to carry cocaine to Maine while on a plane?

[/ QUOTE ]

Maine? Why would I be carrying cocaine on a plane? I think from most of my responses I am not trying to cover up a plan to carry drugs on a plane. I am obviously trying to quit.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ok, scratch what I said before. Please go wherever you need to go to get your head together.

eastbay

[Tyler Durden]

[ QUOTE ]
if ur serious about quitting...send me a PM or something if u want and ill tell u how i dealt with it

[/ QUOTE ]

you're lame, this is a weak attempt to get attention...if you really wanted to help the guy out you'd send him a PM...you almost always suck when you post.

[peachy]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
if ur serious about quitting...send me a PM or something if u want and ill tell u how i dealt with it

[/ QUOTE ]

you're lame, this is a weak attempt to get attention...if you really wanted to help the guy out you'd send him a PM...you almost always suck when you post.

[/ QUOTE ]

listen...u know nothing about my past...so dont assume...and u know nothing about me. I offered so that he could contact me if he wanted...i dont know if hes gettin help or what...and its none of ur business either way what i do or dont do towards someone

[ QUOTE ]
i had a suicidal friend once and something about these posts remind me of him.

he wasn't a drug addict though.

at least you have hope.

i get the feeling you don't feel ready to quit, but i hope you do, and good luck.

[/ QUOTE ]

I am not suicidal at all. And I have only been doing it for about 1.5 months. I really think I will be able to do this. Especially with the program I will be involved in. I find it strange based on everything I said that you don't think I am ready to quit. Of course, I am a little nervous, but that is to be expected. But, people have done a lot more than me for a lot longer and have done it, so why can't I?

[ QUOTE ]
if you decide not to quit, i will be glad to turn you out on the streets of LA.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hmmmmmm...this is making me want to quit less. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[sublime]

listen...u know nothing about my past...

http://www.crackwhoreconfessions.com/images/tina2_crack_whore.jpg

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
eastbay,

usually your posts are excellent and i can tell youre a smart guy, but here i think youre wrong. cocaine ruins peoples lives for a reason. its not as simple as "dont buy it anymore" if you are addicted. i think getting to a place where the drug isnt available and out of the "cocaine-poker-cocaine" routine is a good idea.

[/ QUOTE ]

You misunderstand me. My first post was just a stick-poke to see where this guy's at. He's bad. Real bad.

I'm not saying don't go. I'm saying going is not going to solve the problem. He's just going to buy when he gets back, unless someone is there to stop him. I've witnessed this more than once. I've seen what happens to people. The idea that "clearing his head" is going to change things for more than a few days after his return is a fantasy.

Certainly getting in a program is a necessity, but it sounds as if an outpatient program isn't going to be sufficient.

I'm not totally ignorant of the general idea personally, either. I've quit smoking, and I've read it many places that this is more difficult with a higher recitivism rate than just about any drug, including cocaine. People smoke through their stomas for a reason.

Quitting like this is as simple or complicated as you want to make it. Believe me, I've made it complicated, with the endless "first I'll just do this" excuses that never seem to end or produce the desired results. The desired results are realizing that you want to stop, and then stopping. Stopping consists of getting rid of your supplies and not buying any more. Period.

If you can't do that, you have to change your environment until you can.

eastbay

[/ QUOTE ]

I am pretty sure I have mentioned in several posts I am going to go into a program. I have also talked to a lot of Dr.'s lately and they have told me that the physical addiction to cocaine (not crack, but just regular cocaine) is not nearly as strong as they thought 10 years ago. So, I am not even worried about those side effects. They have also told me, and I am sure I have mentioned this also, that the amount of time I have been doing it is not very long in "coke head" standards by any means. And it won't be that tough. But, all the doctors also recommended that I seek some help. I think Cocaine Anonymous is a little much (I mean crap, I would never get passed step 1...i would have to skip that one /images/graemlins/smile.gif .). But, there are plenty of good programs where I live.

Also, I think you saying I am "bad, real bad" is wrong. I am obviously an addict. But, this is nothing compared to how it would be in 6 months or a year. Why do you think I am real bad? I would really like to know.

[unimproved]

I would offer you my learned and sage advice on the whole cocaine deal, but I guess you're probably not in the market for guidance from someone whose Party screenname is "coca_poker".

One last thing and I think (but not positive) I am done with this account. Should I report when I have been clean for a month, quarter, or year? I am just curious. Part of me thinks it would look like a bragging thing. But, the other part thinks that it might give other addicts hope. I don't believe that of allt he users of this forum I am the only one that uses frequently. I know most probably don't care, but there seemed to be some support out there. Just let me know.

p.s. There is a chance this will not be my last post. I am awaiting on responses from Gori (my favorite nerdy pseudo hipster poster /images/graemlins/smile.gif ) and Eastaby.

p.s.s. I know I posted in a couple of other threads at a bad attempt of humor, but that will be the last time I do that. I just needed to remain anonymous for this one thread really. After a while I will be able to post again as [uncensored] /images/graemlins/smile.gif. Sorry, I mean David Sklanksy. Wait, nope, I mean igotoffthecokebutstartedheroininstead.

Oh, and one last thing...screw the dr's who said that there weren't physical side effects. I cannot sleep at all. But, I have gotten a lot more of my appetite back.

[gorie]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i had a suicidal friend once and something about these posts remind me of him.

he wasn't a drug addict though.


at least you have hope.

i get the feeling you don't feel ready to quit, but i hope you do, and good luck.

[/ QUOTE ]

I am not suicidal at all. And I have only been doing it for about 1.5 months. I really think I will be able to do this. Especially with the program I will be involved in. I find it strange based on everything I said that you don't think I am ready to quit. Of course, I am a little nervous, but that is to be expected. But, people have done a lot more than me for a lot longer and have done it, so why can't I?

[/ QUOTE ]

sorry i didn't mean to imply you were suicidal at all.
there is just part of your posts that remind me of dealing with a suicidal friend. it's hard to say what i mean, like the appeal of people caring becomes part of the cycle. maybe i am completely off, do you know what i mean though ?

anyway, i do think you can do it, and i hope you do. if you really want to, you will.

[ChoicestHops]

Doctors told you there are no physical withdrawals when stopping a good term cocaine habit? That's funny..

The doctors probably don't care. Cocaine is one of those drugs where they just shake their head at.

[ChoicestHops]

You should start smoking weed to help with the withdrawals. One of the things I would do when coming down from a coke binge is drink alot of alcohol, which would help the intense anxiety and depression that night. Long term, however, getting really blazed always made me relax when I was fiending.

After a few weeks your body should be back to normal and it's not like you will get addicted to weed. You'll also be able to sleep alot more, and you'll have an appetite.

[ QUOTE ]
Doctors told you there are no physical withdrawals when stopping a good term cocaine habit? That's funny..

The doctors probably don't care. Cocaine is one of those drugs where they just shake their head at.

[/ QUOTE ]

No, the dr's said that the physical affects are not as bad as they once thought they were 10 years ago. It is not nearly as strong physically as nicotine or smack.

[ QUOTE ]
You should start smoking weed to help with the withdrawals. One of the things I would do when coming down from a coke binge is drink alot of alcohol, which would help the intense anxiety and depression that night. Long term, however, getting really blazed always made me relax when I was fiending.

After a few weeks your body should be back to normal and it's not like you will get addicted to weed. You'll also be able to sleep alot more, and you'll have an appetite.

[/ QUOTE ]

So, you are recommending basically trading alcohol for cocaine. For some reasaon, I just don't think this is a good solution. Plus drninking makes me feel sick and pot makes me very paranoid.

[ChoicestHops]

No, alcohol only magnifies the coke. I was talking about my experience with a coke comedown at night. I just threw it in there.

I recommended you to start smoking weed, but if you don't like then it you will just have to suck it up. I dont blame you though, weed makes me have anxiety and makes me confused.

[ QUOTE ]
it's hard to say what i mean, like the appeal of people caring becomes part of the cycle. maybe i am completely off, do you know what i mean though ?

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks for your support. I know you mean it. And if I was in NY I am sure we would be friends.

To tell you the truth, I don't know what you mean in the part I put in quotes above.

[CostaRicaBill]

Haven't read the other posts, but my friend was harshly interrogated and xrayed at the airport in Panama a la "Midnight Express" after a coke binge in Colombia. He wasn't carrying anything, just had it on his clothes and in his system. Scary stuff.

[ QUOTE ]
Haven't read the other posts, but my friend was harshly interrogated and xrayed at the airport in Panama a la "Midnight Express" after a coke binge in Colombia. He wasn't carrying anything, just had it on his clothes and in his system. Scary stuff.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is Colombia. I think a small amount of the world's cocaine comes from there /images/graemlins/smile.gif (though I know other countries are gradually catching up). If I was flying to columbia right now, I would be dousing myself in lysol to get rid of any trace of cocaine. And this would be after 100 showers and having every bit of snot sucked out of my nose with a hose /images/graemlins/smile.gif .

[gorie]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
it's hard to say what i mean, like the appeal of people caring becomes part of the cycle. maybe i am completely off, do you know what i mean though ?

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks for your support. I know you mean it. And if I was in NY I am sure we would be friends.

To tell you the truth, I don't know what you mean in the part I put in quotes above.

[/ QUOTE ]

your post offering $$ for people to guess who you is an example of what i mean.

i just think sometimes people with self destructive problems also enjoy the attention they get from having that problem because they like knowing people care. it doesn't make the problem any less serious, or make you any less serious about quitting, it's just another part of the whole cycle. people like to feel important and know people care. especially people with problems.

i am not saying this is necessarily you, just explaining what i meant.

[ChipWrecked]

I don't care any more.

I am seriously considering telling OP that he should seriously consider OD'ing himself.