favorite things heard at the table

[oddjob]

"why not play"
"it's only money"
"i gotta see what he's got"
"i gotta see the flop"
"i know i'm beat but..."
"they were suited!"

heh
any others?

[David]

"I gotta keep you honest"

My favorite conversation in my home game......

As Joe is making a sandwich, John says "It's your turn Joe" to which Joe replies "Raise". /forums/images/icons/tongue.gif /forums/images/icons/tongue.gif /forums/images/icons/tongue.gif /forums/images/icons/tongue.gif

[rharless]

"there's no such thing as good cards, only good flops"

[M2d]

In a small one table club in nor cal. Guy is smoking at the doorway when the cards are dealt.
"deal me in...I call"
it's raised to him
"it's raised? I raise!!"

[Toro]

Last night UTG raises my BB. It gets folded to me and as he was a new player and we were separated by the dealer I stretched around to get a look at him. He looks me in the eye and says "I'm not stealing". I look at my cards and have 7,10o. As I'm folding I say "I know you're not". He shows me QQ. I couldn't believe it. Wouldn't he want some action with that hand!

[Toro]

or, no such thing as bad cards, only bad flops!

[Huh]

Favorite things to hear
"I missed"
"Good Call"

Most amusing/Favorite lines
"The pots too big...I raise"
"I was waiting till' the shuffle to check-raise you"
"I'm full...Hearts full of Spades"
"Whats he got? His favorite hand Queen-[censored]" (Guy took down three consecutive pots with Q7o, Q2o and Q9o)
"They'll never see this one coming" (said as a player was mock-sneaking the 9c2h out of the deck prior to a new dealer coming in)

-Huh /forums/images/icons/confused.gif

[Softrock]

Not related directly to poker but I thought it was funny. We were talking about lifestyles and whether poker players were lazy or something like that and a guy says about his best friend the poker player "He's so lazy he married a woman with 4 kids!". Well, myabe you had to be there but it made me laugh.

[PokerBabe(aka)]

M2d's post reminds me of the time that Bob Morgan called me on my cell phone while in the middle of a hand. When I answered the phone, I said "hold on Bob, I'm in the middle of a hand" and he said "RAISE BABE". I put the phone on my lap, looked at my hand to find 2 Queens and I said "RAISE". Bob stayed on the line till the hand was over, and I told him that I raised and had indeed won the hand. He was delighted, of course. LGPG, Babe /forums/images/icons/heart.gif

[PokerBabe(aka)]

At Mirage today, there was a guy with white hair who said something I've never heard before. He called a raise btf in one of the blinds and was heads up. When the flop came, he said: "I check, but if you bet, I raise" /forums/images/icons/confused.gif His opponent obliged him and he then did in fact raise. On the turn, he said the same thing...."I check but if you bet I will raise". Once again, his opponent obliged him /forums/images/icons/crazy.gif On the river, he just bet out and his opponent obliged his call without a word spoken. The white haired guy had top two and took down the pot. Can't say he didn't give fair warning. /forums/images/icons/smirk.gif LGPG, Babe /forums/images/icons/heart.gif

[Howard Burroughs]

"......said something I've never heard before. He called a raise btf in one of the blinds and was heads up. When the flop came, he said: "I check, but if you bet, I raise"


Babe, you surprise me. If I had a dollar for every time I heard that "if you bet, I raise" line, I could get me a suite at the El Cortez with a panoramic view of Downtown.
:-)


Who love's ya baby

Howard

[scalf]

/forums/images/icons/wink.gif babe, but your opponent went home; and bragged about the tuff hand he lost to that all woman: jamie lee...so see; everyone was happy...lol..gl /forums/images/icons/grin.gif /forums/images/icons/smile.gif /forums/images/icons/diamond.gif

[Al Mirpuri]

You did not need to be there. It made me laugh here in England.

[CrackerZack]

In a home game we play where the UCR (Unintentional Comedy Rating, for you non-sports guys readers) is through the roof I've heard some of the great things. First is the one drunk guy who chain smokes, and every single time its up to him ask, "how much is it to me? what can I make it?" in a game we've been playing the same stakes for nearly 2 years now. Also there is one of the super super calling stations who has lines for every street of stud. He always plays 3rd street, on 4th st he'll call any bet and say "One more card", on 5th its "Went this far", 6th he'll say "Wasted money" as he calls and if he's calling the river (about 85%) he'll say "gotta keep you honest" It still amuses me.

My favorite recent line was this past week when one of the better players was down a good bit in the session and called a turn bet in hold 'em with one overcard and a gut shot (bit of tilt I think), after the hand I said "you called the turn?" in a questioning tone and he proclaimed, "What do you mean? I had everything going for me!". The rest of the table just lost it. (you probably had to be there) But anyway, if you're in vegas this weekend, and young guy puts a bad beat on you and proclaims, "I had everything going for me!" it'll be my tribute.

[oddjob]

heh, i sometimes play like this and it's a blast. one time i was playing against a maniac, who was actually pretty fun.

i was in the blind. the flop is paired and i have the set. i tell him "i check-raise" sure enough he bets, and i check raise. he folds. heh.

next orbit i'm in the blind again. the flop is paired and i don't have it. i tell him again "i check-raise" he bets, i checkraise. he thinks i say "you reraise i 4-bet" he reraise, and i 4 bet. he calls and fold to my bet on the turn. i show him, and he goes nuts. talk about a maniac on tilt. too much fun.

[oddjob]

heh, i play in a very similar home game. sometimes it's hilarious what people say. there's one guy who after 2 years, is still shakey on the hand rankings.

against me "oh flush, i only have a full house" and he wasn't slow-rolling

another guy called a preflop raise and to the river with j high. when we all looked at him in amazement, he said, "i didn't think he had it"

[offTopic]

- (after getting quartered in O-8, having raised nearly a full field preflop with A23K-ds)
"See? That's why you should never raise before the flop in this game."

- Different O-8 game, after checking a 24x flop in which there was a bet and a call, EP looks at his cards and says, "I misread my hand. Raise." Incidentally, he had A56...me and another player had A3, and the turn was, amazingly, a 3.

- "Gambo!"

[Kurn, son of Mogh]

"I always play my first hand blind until the turn."

[rharless]

The "Dead AA" thread (General Holdem forum) reminded me of another one. This one will be especially meaningful to you, oddjob, as it happened at the Lodge.

As most everyone on 2+2 knows, AA with 10 players to the river wins approximately 1 out of 3 times.

Lucky Lady was playing at the 5-5 table (which for the Colorado-naive, means often capped 10-way action, preflop and often postflop too). LL is very very frustrated, and shouts across the room to her friend: "Can you believe it??!! I have had AA three times and I only won it one time!!!"

At my table, sitting next to me were two good players who know the odds of AA. One of them says "yeah, that's exactly where you should be, b**ch" and the other says "it would have been actually worth shouting about if she had won it all three times!" Our whole table of cynics busted out laughing.

[oddjob]

heh, nice. weird thing is i just had someone say something like that to me this weekend.

they said something like, "i'm so unlucky, i probably only win with pocket Aces 1 out of 3 times."

i don't think any of other players really knew anything about the statistics so i just said, "wow, that is really unlucky" and everyone agreed. heh.

[Punker]

I dunno, but my favorite ever was the following:

I'm playing against this guy and we were kind of unfriendly at the time (actually, he was unfriendly to everyone). Anyways, I'm in the BB with two cards and the flop comes down three little cards and paired (like 773 or something). It doesn't hit me in any way, but I bet out and Mr Unfriendly raises. I call and we are headsup. The turn is a blank and and he bets and I checkraise and he bullet folds.

In an attempt to tilt him and amuse the table, I show my god awful nothing hand. The table is giggling at how truly bad my hand is. However, he has turned his back on me to finish eating his sandwich. After one bite, he looks up at the player beside him and says (still not having seen my hand) "What does he think I was born yesterday?". The table lost it.

It was a late night-nothing-unusual 5-10 game when a guy sat down on a stud game behind me with his nice-looking girl friend who was wearing a very low-cut jeans that caught the attention of the guys. Our game slowed down somewhat and whispers and giggling took over my table as the interest of the players seemed to be more focused to the other table. My curiosity being aroused, I looked behind me and see the young lady sitting down with almost half of her posterior exposed for the world to see. A new dealer coming into the game quipped: "Man! That's one nice crack that you won't be able to smoke!" That brought the most hysterical laughter I ever heard on a poker table.

[bernie]

a guy sitting at the table had a line for everything. i was in tears most of the session laughing.

after a showdown where 2 players showed 2 good holdings yet never bet, he says, "ive seen more moves in an ex-lax commercial'

another time, on a table behind me on a busy night, i hear this conservatively well dressed, semi older gal ask about the game as she stood next to her husband. as the sound in the room just happened to hit a lull, crystal clear everyone hears the dealer say to her, 'it's just like your home game, except you get to keep your clothes on.' the dealer was kind of embarassed as he didnt expect THAT many people from other tables to be laughing.

others...

'you want a comp, bern?'
'i know he only has A high!' this from a guy who was calling me to showdown with nothing. he had my hand right though, and paid me all the way

'HOW COULD YOU PLAY THAT!!!' says a player who raised 73o preflop only to be called by 42o. he flops a str8 and the 42o wins with a running FH. after that hand was one of the funniest exchanges id heard in a long time

and a last one that helped the ego, but affected the profits a little during the session...'he's working, but the casino isnt the one paying him.'

b

[Casey]

Here's a cople of my favorites;
after a guy takes a huge pot with 7-5 off in which there was a cap preflop; the guy with pocket aces says haw can you call preflop with that garbage; his answer "I gotta call, I got two flush draws."

Player calling capped preflop betting with 3-5 off. After he wins hand says "pretty sure all my cards were live"

[rharless]

"it's just like your home game, except you get to keep your clothes on."

Were you playing at Sandia? I know a dealer who used to deal there, who uses this line all the time, and I believe the ex-lax line as well. /forums/images/icons/smile.gif

This thread is making me suddenly remember so many one liners. A modestly chested woman sat at my table. The edge of the table was padded and she leaned forward and rested her chest on the table edge. Dealer said to her: "ma'am, I'm sorry but we don't allow racks on the table." (She was a regular who played along with the joke.)

[oddjob]

this is a hand i was witness to. a guy was basically caught in between two guys were were betting and raising the hell out of each other. this guy had flopped a gut shot, and got so annoyed at getting raised and reraised that he started reraising himself. when all was said and done. the two guys both had huge sets, that turned into boats, and this guy missed his gutshot straight (to the ignorant end no less)

he had shown me his hand, and threw it in the muck and said, "i'm so unlucky". i could not hold in the laughter.

[D.J.]

That was the best one so far. I have a story kind of like that... this lady walks into the room and sits down at our 15-30 table wearing a tight low-cut shirt showing off her bigguns. All the guys at the table are drooling over her b/c she's so hot and of course has the nice curves. She gets KK one hand on a K-8-5 board, and ends up winning the pot but never showed, one of the guys asked what she had, and she says "I got top set", the guy replies, "well no [censored], you had top set when you walked in here, but what were your cards?" We all got a laugh out of that one.

-D.J.

[Schmed]

"after a guy takes a huge pot with 7-5 off in which there was a cap preflop; the guy with pocket aces says haw can you call preflop with that garbage; his answer "I gotta call, I got two flush draws.""

Thanks, I just laughed out loud and my sec is looking at me with that, 'you played poker until 4am look'....she's like my other mother......

[bernie]

both lines were at muckleshoot in auburn washington.

im going to use the rack on the table line when i can though. that's just to good not to use /forums/images/icons/wink.gif

b

[jasonHoldEm]

lol...this is a great thread...

my funniest poker moment happened in a NL game at planet, I don't remember the action exactly but it went something like this...

guy 1 had opened raised preflop for something like $2-3, got one caller. Flop came down 2 suited, and guy 1 bets out, guy 2 raises and guy 1 calls. Turn completes the flush draw (no straight threats or pairs either). Guy 1 check/raises and in response to the c/r, guy 2 goes all-in...

pause...

Guy 1 types into the chat box:

"...hmm"
"you mean we both have the ace?"
"wow!"

calls the all-in bet and takes it down with the nut flush (guy 2 had a weaker flush something like JXs I think).

Maybe this is one of those "had to be there" things, but I just about pissed myself...

[Tim W.]

Mohegan 5/10 with kill game. Button says in disgust as the waitress walks by him.

"Miss! I can't get drunk if I miss a round."