Dating and rejection [Archive] - Two Plus Two Older Archives

ShawnHoo

08-11-2005, 09:06 PM

All right, this is pretty ridiculous.

So I line up this date with a girl from match.com. I thought she looked cute in the pics I saw, although I couldn't tell for sure.

We've been chatting online for a while and did a lot of flirting. She explains to me how she views a first meeting as a "pre-date" and doesn't like to expect anything romantic. She's met one guy before and, while they both agreed that they weren't a good fit to date, they've hung out a bunch since then and "kicked it". She wants the first date to be platonic and then go from there. Ok, fine.

So we meet up last night at a low-key bar to grab a light dinner (we're both coming from work) and drinks. I was very impressed with her in person. She is very ample in the right places and has a killer smile.

We start joking around and busting each others balls right from the start. She's laughing and having a great time. Lots of eye contact. Sweet.

So I'm feeling rather bold and decide to see how she's feeling about the pre-date. She says, "Can I be honest? I really want to keep hanging out as buds, but there's no spark for me."

I'm pissed and get very quiet. She can tell that I'm upset.

The bill comes and I pay (I had said before that I'd wanted to do this). She says that she wants to hang out some more and talk and that she'll pay for a couple of rounds, but only if I'm comfortable. I acquiesce and we start talking about relationships, dating, that sort of thing. It's less awkward than right after she said what she said to me, but there's a different dynamic than when the night began.

So we go outside to leave. She gives me a hug and says that the ball's in my court. She says goodbye and I get in my car and drive home half-drunk, upset, and frankly, a little distraught. It was not my finest hour.

Last night shouldn't be a big deal to me, but this "no spark" [censored] has happened to me non-stop over the last few months. And I'm getting the dates in the first place, so I obviously come off pretty well at first. (This has happened for girls I've met in real life at first, too.)

I feel like I'm in a poker game where everyone's folding everytime I get a big hand. It's like I have some "tell" that's obvious to everyone else, but that escapes me completely.

I haven't made a huge effort to date much over the past year, so I'm surprised that this stuff upsets me so much. I'm generally pretty aloof about most things, but the constant rejection is wearing me down.

Thoughts?

(Yes, I'd like to have SIIHP.)

Boris

08-11-2005, 09:09 PM

haha! you're getting played. wait a couple weeks and then call her back.

A_C_Slater

08-11-2005, 09:10 PM

Your mistake was asking her how she felt about the pre-date. It seemed like it was obvious to you how she was feeling. Your insecure questioning and need for 100% confirmation turned her off.

[censored]

08-11-2005, 09:11 PM

keep trying it will happen for you. good post.

when chatting with the girls trying be more aggressive. Do things like start the conversation with "hi gorgeous" and do other flirting that takes it completely our of the friendship arena and puts them in a dating mood.

RacersEdge

08-11-2005, 09:12 PM

For one thing, I wouldn't have pushed the non-date issue. What's there to gain? It sounded like you were hitting it off - just let the good times keep flowing. Some girls don't like guys when they first meet them anyway, but change as they get to know them better. Maybe you are that type of guy.

mason55

08-11-2005, 09:14 PM

[ QUOTE ]
keep trying it will happen for you. good post.

when chatting with the girls trying be more aggressive. Do things like start the conversation with "hi gorgeous" and do other flirting that takes it completely our of the friendship arena and puts them in a dating mood.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good post. If you're looking for a girl to hook up with or have a relationship, say something IMMEDIATELY that makes it obvious that you're not looking for a friend.

What you say is up to you as you'll have to find something that fits your personality, but make it obvious and make it a compliment.

Edit: Example: I never use myspace except when it tells me i have a message. I put up some good pictures about a year ago and get message once a week or so. I got a message tonight from a pretty cute girl that said "hi you look cool" so I replied "thanks, looked at your pictures, you're a great looking girl. want to get together sometime?" got a response in 5 minutes "i'm hanging out with a friend, we both think you're cute, come to my place"

just let them know what you want and don't [censored] with the friend b.s.

[censored]

08-11-2005, 09:18 PM

I also don't like how he gave all the power in terms of where the relationship to her, especially when there was no reason to. It was a first date no need to define anything just let the good times roll and procede as you want the relationship to be until you get a sign that says otherwise.

mason55

08-11-2005, 09:20 PM

Yeah, the relationship was over the second that happened. Even if there WAS a spark, she had already put on the pants.

Before you met you were either getting denied or you were going to be her bitch for the next however many months/years.

KaneKungFu123

08-11-2005, 09:27 PM

[ QUOTE ]

The bill comes and I pay (I had said before that I'd wanted to do this).

[/ QUOTE ]

too bad she didnt realize what a nice you are, then she'd have sucked you off in the bathroom.

"www.match.com"

Jesus Christ Dude. What kind of girls are using that website? Go to the library or something. Its equally dorky but still real life.

The Goober

08-11-2005, 09:27 PM

Asking her what she thought was a huge mistake. She clearly likes to keep things low-key, but you forced her to commit one way or the other (while also making it obvious what your feelings are). You put her in a corner and she took the easy way out.

You may be doing this more than you realize.

mason55

08-11-2005, 09:30 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Asking her what she thought was a huge mistake. She clearly likes to keep things low-key, but you forced her to commit one way or the other (while also making it obvious what your feelings are). You put her in a corner and she took the easy way out.

You may be doing this more than you realize.

[/ QUOTE ]

Seriously. Watch Blind Date. This happens once per episode

daryn

08-11-2005, 09:36 PM

http://www.pokerdamage.com/fc/bruiser500/

ShawnHoo

08-11-2005, 09:40 PM

[ QUOTE ]
http://www.pokerdamage.com/fc/bruiser500/

[/ QUOTE ]

This is [censored] awesome.

HopeydaFish

08-11-2005, 11:54 PM

As other posters have said, you backed her into a corner and put her on the spot. You forced her to decide then and there if she saw any sort of non-platonic future with you.

Interesting that she didn't say "I haven't decided yet, let's see how things go" when you asked her how the date was going. She just cut you off at the pass altogether.

Her answer could have just been some sort of test to see how you'd react. I doubt it, though. I found a few dates using one of those services awhile ago, and this girl sounded a lot like some of the women I met. The ratio of men to women on those sites is like 10:1, so the decent women can afford to be really picky. Some of the women on there just really like the attention of having lots of guys after them, and have no intention of settling on any one guy.

scotty34

08-12-2005, 12:04 AM

[ QUOTE ]
http://www.pokerdamage.com/fc/bruiser500/

[/ QUOTE ]

He should put the hot tub pic on that site

smokingrobot

08-12-2005, 12:08 AM

not to nitpick, but a better analogy is constantly going to showdown with 2nd best hand.

as for the girls, if you can get dates that easily dude, dont sweat it. if she wants to be a chum, let her be a chum, but ask yourself, do you need any more girls who are your friends? i say move on and pick up another girl.

as much as rejection sucks, you obviously have no trouble getting the dates, so like you said yourself, you got some game. save your worries for a girl who actually sees that in you.

i say forget her.

but then again, maybe if you hang out with her a few more times, she'll become wooed by your charm. its up to you.

siccjay

08-12-2005, 12:43 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Your mistake was asking her how she felt about the pre-date. It seemed like it was obvious to you how she was feeling. Your insecure questioning and need for 100% confirmation turned her off.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ding Ding Ding Ding WINNAR!!!

Seriously, it's not over totally. But do NOT call this girl to do something. Don't contact her at all. IT WILL BE BAD FOR YOU IF YOU DO. You will just start to like her more and she will throw you deeper into the friend zone. If she contacts you, be busy. Lie if you have to, they do. Even if she emails you or something, take a few days to reply. If she gets you on the phone, make some plans to do something but DO NOT make it a date. It is WITHOUT A DOUBT her turn to buy if you go eat. What you need to do is throw the friendship thing back at her, she won't know what hit her. Tell her shes a great friend and all that nonsense. Basically the same BS she told you when you asked. The perfect thing to do was keep busting her balls and having fun and then went for a good night kiss or [censored].

siccjay

08-12-2005, 12:44 AM

[ QUOTE ]
If you're looking for a girl to hook up with or have a relationship, say something IMMEDIATELY that makes it obvious that you're not looking for a friend.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is exactly wrong.

ShawnHoo

08-12-2005, 01:54 AM

All right, this has been a popular response here. And I see your point. It can come across as needy, which obviously isn't what I'm trying to represent.

I actually brought it up to her because I wanted to cut to the chase. With all of her "pre-date" nonsense, I wanted to make sure rather quickly that I wasn't wasting my time. This is no doubt a manifestation of my big ego, but I also didn't want the possibility of feeling jerked around for a while. I've done the "ask for a 2nd date while finishing the 1st" thing before and it's worked at times, but perhaps it's not the most +EV move in general.

To be perfectly honest, I was more shocked/surprised by her response than hurt, even though this "no spark" thing has come up a lot lately. I'm not about to settle for someone who's not intelligent and attractive, as arrogant as that sounds, and I was a little offended that she didn't see those qualities in me. Something I need to work on, eh?

ShawnHoo

08-12-2005, 01:55 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
If you're looking for a girl to hook up with or have a relationship, say something IMMEDIATELY that makes it obvious that you're not looking for a friend.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is exactly wrong.

[/ QUOTE ]

Your statement intrigues me. Care to elaborate?

siccjay

08-12-2005, 02:22 AM

Trying to make it seem like you want something more makes you seem desperate. A big time author even suggests mentioning to her that she would make a very good friend and things like that. This gets the girl thinking "What's wrong with me?" and "Is this guy so in control of his life that he doesn't even care what happens here?" Females like a challenge, they will tell you otherwise, but they lie.

morgan180

08-12-2005, 02:27 AM

Lawrence Ng

08-12-2005, 02:37 AM

[ QUOTE ]
http://www.pokerdamage.com/fc/bruiser500/

[/ QUOTE ]

OMG... hahahah.. sorry Bruiser, but it was kinda funny.

Lawrence

Glenn

08-12-2005, 02:45 AM

Make sure you are not coming off too needy and desperate. It is important to make her know you like her and not to lie or manipulate, but it will scare women away if you try to get too close too fast.

RRRRICK

08-12-2005, 02:54 AM

Lawrence Ng

08-12-2005, 02:56 AM

[ QUOTE ]
So I'm feeling rather bold and decide to see how she's feeling about the pre-date. She says, "Can I be honest? I really want to keep hanging out as buds, but there's no spark for me."

[/ QUOTE ]

Iif you are looking to date on a serious level, goto www.eharmony.com. (http://www.eharmony.com.) The other dating sites are nothing more than cash milking cows for chumps like you.

Lawrence

ShawnHoo

08-12-2005, 03:01 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
So I'm feeling rather bold and decide to see how she's feeling about the pre-date. She says, "Can I be honest? I really want to keep hanging out as buds, but there's no spark for me."

[/ QUOTE ]

Iif you are looking to date on a serious level, goto www.eharmony.com. (http://www.eharmony.com.) The other dating sites are nothing more than cash milking cows for chumps like you.

Lawrence

[/ QUOTE ]

Just signed up for it this morning! It seems to attract more mature and relationship-minded people, although it's obviously too soon for me to attempt to draw any sort of conclusions.

siccjay

08-12-2005, 03:02 AM

Isn't that site expensive, I'm too lazy to go look.

ShawnHoo

08-12-2005, 03:05 AM

$99 for 3 months, $49 (or maybe $45) for 1. They have a 7-day money back trial policy, so I'd like to see if there's one or two I like and can start communicating with them outside the system before the first week's up.

The Yugoslavian

08-12-2005, 03:07 AM

Who the hell knows what she's thinking exactly?

I don't think you should wait two weeks before calling her up and asking to perhaps do something but this should definitely be worth a follow-up on your end.

You could suggest a few different things to do. A couple could be more friend oriented and a couple a bit more romantic. Make sure there is alcohol available at some point during any of these activities.

The 'connection' with her will only be awkward if you feel uncertain about this thing. From what you've said, there is no uncertainty in your mind...she's curvy in the right places, has a killer smile and sounds like you definitely enjoyed her personality. Just go after her in a relax manner.

Also, let her actions dictate how she is really feeling rather than her words. Many woman will constantly say things that they may even truly believe as the fact of the matter but end up doing completely the opposite. It is illogical and irrational but when feelings are involved, these things happen.

Gl and make sure to let her know you had 15 tackles for losses in '95, /images/graemlins/grin.gif.

Yugoslav

siccjay

08-12-2005, 03:09 AM

[ QUOTE ]
$99 for 3 months, $49 (or maybe $45) for 1. They have a 7-day money back trial policy, so I'd like to see if there's one or two I like and can start communicating with them outside the system before the first week's up.

[/ QUOTE ]

Be sure not to tell them this is your plan. lmao

Alex/Mugaaz

08-12-2005, 03:19 AM

You didn't meet her to be friends, you have those (I hope). She turned you down, tell her thanks for the good time and leave. So she 'folded', big deal. It's called variance, ride the wave. All success is built upon a solid foundation of failure.

P.S. From now on make sure for all first date things you each pay your own share, or go dutch. A lot of worthless women use these services to save them from boring lives and get treated to free food and entertainment. If she isn't cool with each paying their share on the first date, you won't be missing ANYTHING.

ShawnHoo

08-12-2005, 03:27 AM

The poker analogy may not have come across as it was intended.

I was talking about the fact that several girls have told me lately that they didn't feel a "spark" even though, in most cases, I definitely felt one. It seemed like there was something wrong with me physically that I wasn't aware of, like a poker tell or having a piece of spinach stuck between your two middle teeth while you crack a big smile.

siccjay

08-12-2005, 03:33 AM

Have you been asking them instead of just making a move? Instead of telling them how you feel, show them.

Alex/Mugaaz

08-12-2005, 03:41 AM

[ QUOTE ]
The poker analogy may not have come across as it was intended.

I was talking about the fact that several girls have told me lately that they didn't feel a "spark" even though, in most cases, I definitely felt one. It seemed like there was something wrong with me physically that I wasn't aware of, like a poker tell or having a piece of spinach stuck between your two middle teeth while you crack a big smile.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sparkling, eyes twinkling, smiles, winks, long looks, all mean nothing.

If she's interested she'll be asking you personal questions (not where do you go to school crap), and if she is even more interested there will be intermittent touching of your arm, if shes touching your leg buy some condoms before you leave the bar.

P.S. Don't sit there and have her play quiz show with you, she should be asking questions if shes interested, and you can answer them, or dodge them if the answer is unhelpful. Your priority should be on asking her open ended questions. This first date thing is to weed people out, not to try to get into her pants. You can do that anyway even if she does get weeded out if thats what you're after.

P.P.S. If you need practice chat up some ugly girl on there and go on a date. She will be the one who's all after you, and you'll see EXACTLY what it looks like when a girl wants you. On top of that you won't be nervous, because you probably won't be attracted to her.

P.P.P.S. To assholes who think there is something morally wrong with that, please shut up. You are not taking advantage of her. You should be taking her out to have a good time., and you will be treating her like a gentleman. And hell, fat people need love too.

TimM

08-12-2005, 03:44 AM

[ QUOTE ]
I was talking about the fact that several girls have told me lately that they didn't feel a "spark" even though, in most cases, I definitely felt one. It seemed like there was something wrong with me physically that I wasn't aware of, like a poker tell or having a piece of spinach stuck between your two middle teeth while you crack a big smile.

[/ QUOTE ]

Do your pictures make you look a lot better than you normally do? My sister uses these sites, and sometimes complains that the guys she meets don't look as good in person. Also possible is that they are looking for a specific type of personality that you don't have. Remember that women using this site are likely to be picky, otherwise they would have found someone already.

Alex/Mugaaz

08-12-2005, 03:45 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Have you been asking them instead of just making a move? Instead of telling them how you feel, show them.

[/ QUOTE ] Please ignore what this guy, and people like him are saying. They are simply misinformed. People aren't looking for you to love them, or to be exalted. They are looking to have fun with someone interesting, preferably one who isn't an [censored]. Maybe they are hurt because someone used them for sex or treated them poorly. If so that's really a shame but this isn't your problem, you are not a counselor, they are not your friend, and you are not there to bring them out of lonliness and apathy. You met them to go out on a date and enjoy each others company. If you're going there for some other reason you will be going home dissapointed.

Lawrence Ng

08-12-2005, 03:45 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Isn't that site expensive, I'm too lazy to go look.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd rather spend $100 on eharmony, find someone that matches and is looking for what I am looking for as opposed to going to match.com, date.com, lavalife.com and finding some insecure little girl who is trying to fill her security void by playing games with guys.

Think about it this way, Shawn spent probably at least $30 to $40 on this date with the chick who just wants to be "friends." Wouldn't that money be better spent on a dating service that actually works?

My two cents.

Lawrence

Alex/Mugaaz

08-12-2005, 03:50 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Isn't that site expensive, I'm too lazy to go look.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd rather spend $100 on eharmony, find someone that matches and is looking for what I am looking for as opposed to going to match.com, date.com, lavalife.com and finding some insecure little girl who is trying to fill her security void by playing games with guys.

Think about it this way, Shawn spent probably at least $30 to $40 on this date with the chick who just wants to be "friends." Wouldn't that money be better spent on a dating service that actually works?

My two cents.

Lawrence

[/ QUOTE ]

If you talked to them and met them, the dating site worked.
If the date didn't go well, she / you / both of you didn't work.

The only thing a more expensive site is going to accomplish is raise the % of gold diggers looking through their version of the classifieds.

ShawnHoo

08-12-2005, 03:53 AM

The picture I have up there is a relatively recent head-shot. It's what I look like, warts and all. (No actual warts, of course.)

Funny story: I went out with a girl from match a couple of months ago that went well, I thought. As I was walking her out, we made plans for a second date and had a nice goodnight kiss. The next day I hear back from her saying there was no chemistry. After calling BS, I eventually heard her admit that the reason she didn't think it would work out is due to my height (I'm 5'6, she's 5'3 and likes to wear heels). This information is, of course, prominently available on my profile along with age, race, etc. Why it took this girl an actual date to figure this out is beyond me (yes, I do think she was finally being honest here).

Alex/Mugaaz

08-12-2005, 03:58 AM

[ QUOTE ]
The picture I have up there is a relatively recent head-shot. It's what I look like, warts and all. (No actual warts, of course.)

Funny story: I went out with a girl from match a couple of months ago that went well, I thought. As I was walking her out, we made plans for a second date and had a nice goodnight kiss. The next day I hear back from her saying there was no chemistry. After calling BS, I eventually heard her admit that the reason she didn't think it would work out is due to my height (I'm 5'6, she's 5'3 and likes to wear heels). This information is, of course, prominently available on my profile along with age, race, etc. Why it took this girl an actual date to figure this out is beyond me (yes, I do think she was finally being honest here).

[/ QUOTE ]

The only BS was when she lied about wanting the 2nd date. If you really dislike a girl, try to plan a 2nd date while on the first one. 100% guaranteed to insure you won't see her again. Honestly man, it really sounds like you look desperate and are dating "weak/tight". It may pain your ego some, but if you want a fool proof plan for success. Date some ugly girls. Then date a good looking one. Everything you do differently on the date with the good looking girl is wrong. Stop it.

Everyone has to start somewhere. If you want this in poker terms you don't have the emotional bankroll for a hot girl. Go grind the micro limits. In a month or two move up to the small stakes forums.

ShawnHoo

08-12-2005, 04:05 AM

Your sincerity's appreciated. This is good info.

The depressing thing is that aside from the girl the other night, these girls haven't been "hot" per se. They're not fat or grotesque, but I've sent photos of them to a couple of friends of mine and received a "meh" reaction.

siccjay

08-12-2005, 04:29 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Have you been asking them instead of just making a move? Instead of telling them how you feel, show them.

[/ QUOTE ] Please ignore what this guy, and people like him are saying. They are simply misinformed. People aren't looking for you to love them, or to be exalted. They are looking to have fun with someone interesting, preferably one who isn't an [censored]. Maybe they are hurt because someone used them for sex or treated them poorly. If so that's really a shame but this isn't your problem, you are not a counselor, they are not your friend, and you are not there to bring them out of lonliness and apathy. You met them to go out on a date and enjoy each others company. If you're going there for some other reason you will be going home dissapointed.

[/ QUOTE ]

Uhm, I don't understand (from this quote) where you think my advice is bad. Clearly it is not.

Your advice is kind of bland if you ask me. You really don't have a point. I do agree that you met them to go out and enjoy each others company. Where, in what I have said, did you get the idea that I thought the opposite of this?

In the part you have quoted all I meant was that girls do not like a guy who asks "Do you like me?" "What do you think of me?" They would rather a guy make a move at the right time. If you don't agree with that you are a moran.

Please quote some other things I have said that you think I am "misinformed" about. I will be happy to prove you wrong.

08-12-2005, 05:35 AM

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y2/B00T/508fe351.jpg

~~~~YOU BLEW IT~~~~

shant

08-12-2005, 05:37 AM

[ QUOTE ]
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y2/B00T/508fe351.jpg

~~~~YOU BLEW IT~~~~

[/ QUOTE ]
X

blatz

08-12-2005, 05:50 AM

"the ball's in your court" is either an outright lie or ridiculous and petty game playing. After dissing you, she wants more attention. It is up to you to not give it to her. If she was one in a million it may be worth it. She probably isn't.

Stick with what SicJay said...If she calls, wait longer than you think you should to acknowledge her...and if she doesn't, don't sweat it, someones out there.

And when you find the right one, don't ask questions like that on the first date.

bernie

08-12-2005, 05:58 AM

[ QUOTE ]
So I'm feeling rather bold and decide to see how she's feeling about the pre-date. She says, "Can I be honest? I really want to keep hanging out as buds, but there's no spark for me."

[/ QUOTE ]

What's a predate?

No spark = see ya. At least she told ya now instead of a few dates later. Gotta giver her that. However, 3 date rule still applies. She may change her mind within 2 more dates. 2 more low cost dates or dutch. Take her to a more sexually charged place. Not out for coffee. You'll do that the morning after. /images/graemlins/wink.gif

You may be treating her more like a bud during the meets than actually showing real interest. Again, setting helps. Not sure I'd openly agree to a 'platonic' first date. I'd leave that open.

[ QUOTE ]
The bill comes and I pay (I had said before that I'd wanted to do this). She says that she wants to hang out some more and talk and that she'll pay for a couple of rounds, but only if I'm comfortable. I acquiesce and we start talking about relationships, dating, that sort of thing. It's less awkward than right after she said what she said to me, but there's a different dynamic than when the night began

[/ QUOTE ]

Can you say, 'Friend Zone'? She has girlfriends to talk about that stuff. This might be a good time to ask, in a roundabout way, if she has any friends who are sluts that'd like to meet up with ya. Steer it towards your goal. Turn her into a matchmaker. Then bang the hell out of her friend if able. She'll hear about it and you'll look even more attractive since she'll be curious as to how you stayed at the 'Y' for hours. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

Just some ideas...

b

08-12-2005, 06:09 AM

Your problem might be that you're not showing that you are sexually attracted to her. You might be a decent conversationalist but you have to add in some body contact and lead her on that you eventually want to bone her. I mean that's what girls are looking for, cause they have girlfriends and gay guy friends to talk to already. Stop being so nice and be a lil more cocky.

SammyKid11

08-12-2005, 06:30 AM

Last time I had a date (and it was from the internet, no less) tell me there was "no spark," I completely and totally ignored her for the rest of the night...luckily I was in a setting to do this (crowded dance club where we both knew lots of people). She was a bikini model, smoking hot - and just wanted attention.

When, after telling me she wanted us to be friends, she didn't get anymore attention...I think she really flipped out and started playing the internal "what's wrong with me" game in her head.

1:45 rolls around, her friends have left, couple of my buds are still there...she comes and finds me standing at the bar and asks if she can buy me a drink. My friends get the hint and take off.

As I'm driving her home, she's rubbing on my leg, etc -- we get to the door and she opens up and asks me inside, goes back to her room and I just kinda call out "hey, I'm gonna take off"...at that point she came out with no shirt on -- and she was a sight.

I swear to God I told her "yeah, I'm not feeling any spark here," and walked out the door. Never had a problem hooking up when I wanted to, and the confidence boost of rejecting this girl is better than the sex would have been.

Fanfuckingtastic.

Don't ever let 'em see you sweatin' that ass.

diebitter

08-12-2005, 06:40 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Last time I had a date (and it was from the internet, no less) tell me there was "no spark," I completely and totally ignored her for the rest of the night...luckily I was in a setting to do this (crowded dance club where we both knew lots of people). She was a bikini model, smoking hot - and just wanted attention.

When, after telling me she wanted us to be friends, she didn't get anymore attention...I think she really flipped out and started playing the internal "what's wrong with me" game in her head.

1:45 rolls around, her friends have left, couple of my buds are still there...she comes and finds me standing at the bar and asks if she can buy me a drink. My friends get the hint and take off.

As I'm driving her home, she's rubbing on my leg, etc -- we get to the door and she opens up and asks me inside, goes back to her room and I just kinda call out "hey, I'm gonna take off"...at that point she came out with no shirt on -- and she was a sight.

I swear to God I told her "yeah, I'm not feeling any spark here," and walked out the door. Never had a problem hooking up when I wanted to, and the confidence boost of rejecting this girl is better than the sex would have been.

Fanfuckingtastic.

Don't ever let 'em see you sweatin' that ass.

[/ QUOTE ]
There is not a single thing I've ever read or heard that I believe less than this.

SammyKid11

08-12-2005, 06:47 AM

diebitter

08-12-2005, 06:52 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

There is not a single thing I've ever read or heard that I believe less than this.

[/ QUOTE ]

There is not a single thing I've ever read or heard that I care about less than you not believing me.

[/ QUOTE ]

There's not a single thing I've ... okay you win.

kurosh

08-12-2005, 06:54 AM

SammyKid11

08-12-2005, 07:03 AM

I am, in fact, a liar (everyone is a liar about something). But I am neither gay nor am I lying about this incident. No one has to believe me - but it is a liberating experience turning down a girl like that. I haven't regretted it for one second of one day. I have to admit, though, that my rejection of her was aided by the fact that I thought she was a horribly stupid, petty girl who I very much disliked as a person. I'm sure if I'd found her both charming and hot, I wouldn't have had the stomach to turn her down.

diebitter

08-12-2005, 07:15 AM

[ QUOTE ]
...I have to admit, though, that my rejection of her was aided by the fact that I thought she was a horribly stupid, petty girl who I very much disliked as a person. I'm sure if I'd found her both charming and hot, I wouldn't have had the stomach to turn her down.

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually, I'm gonna fix my poker here, and change my mind. I do believe ya, cos I remember going through a phase (long long time ago, +20 years) of being really angry at women (had my heart broken, afterwards saw lots of examples of women being manipulative, petty etc) , and may have done the same. But back then I was real angry, and I think I'd've gone in, got her real steaming and dying for it, and then got up and left with a passing remark about 'no spark' (but only if she was basically a horrible person inside, like you describe). That's how angry I was.

So sorry for doubting, SammyKid!

siccjay

08-12-2005, 07:27 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Last time I had a date (and it was from the internet, no less) tell me there was "no spark," I completely and totally ignored her for the rest of the night...luckily I was in a setting to do this (crowded dance club where we both knew lots of people). She was a bikini model, smoking hot - and just wanted attention.

When, after telling me she wanted us to be friends, she didn't get anymore attention...I think she really flipped out and started playing the internal "what's wrong with me" game in her head.

1:45 rolls around, her friends have left, couple of my buds are still there...she comes and finds me standing at the bar and asks if she can buy me a drink. My friends get the hint and take off.

As I'm driving her home, she's rubbing on my leg, etc -- we get to the door and she opens up and asks me inside, goes back to her room and I just kinda call out "hey, I'm gonna take off"...at that point she came out with no shirt on -- and she was a sight.

I swear to God I told her "yeah, I'm not feeling any spark here," and walked out the door. Never had a problem hooking up when I wanted to, and the confidence boost of rejecting this girl is better than the sex would have been.

Fanfuckingtastic.

Don't ever let 'em see you sweatin' that ass.

[/ QUOTE ]

Weither it's true or not, this story is a perfect example, and the truth.

If you truely walked out on the bitch, you are my [censored] idol.

Bluffoon

08-12-2005, 08:02 AM

I think your first mistake was going out with this woman in the first place. She started right off by setting conditions and laying out rules to see if you would follow along. Then on the "predate" she rebuffs you but "leaves the door open". She is controlling and wants to lead you around like a puppy dog on a leash. She should have hit the reject pile right away.

codewarrior

08-12-2005, 08:10 AM

[ QUOTE ]
best feature: feet

[/ QUOTE ]

eww.... /images/graemlins/tongue.gif
awesome...

08-12-2005, 08:11 AM

Ugh. I don't see why guys put themselves through this. It sounds torturous. Why on earth would you want to be interviewed for a date? I agree with Bluffoon on this one.

I'm not saying this kind of service is a bad thing, just that maybe you are attracted to the wrong kind of girl. If it were me I'd talk to the person on the phone first to determine if they seemed genuine, game, kind etc, and then I'd go on a real date. Not a pre-date.

oreogod

08-12-2005, 08:29 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Last time I had a date (and it was from the internet, no less) tell me there was "no spark," I completely and totally ignored her for the rest of the night...luckily I was in a setting to do this (crowded dance club where we both knew lots of people). She was a bikini model, smoking hot - and just wanted attention.

When, after telling me she wanted us to be friends, she didn't get anymore attention...I think she really flipped out and started playing the internal "what's wrong with me" game in her head.

1:45 rolls around, her friends have left, couple of my buds are still there...she comes and finds me standing at the bar and asks if she can buy me a drink. My friends get the hint and take off.

As I'm driving her home, she's rubbing on my leg, etc -- we get to the door and she opens up and asks me inside, goes back to her room and I just kinda call out "hey, I'm gonna take off"...at that point she came out with no shirt on -- and she was a sight.

I swear to God I told her "yeah, I'm not feeling any spark here," and walked out the door. Never had a problem hooking up when I wanted to, and the confidence boost of rejecting this girl is better than the sex would have been.

Fanfuckingtastic.

Don't ever let 'em see you sweatin' that ass.

[/ QUOTE ]

Weither it's true or not, this story is a perfect example, and the truth.

If you truely walked out on the bitch, you are my [censored] idol.

[/ QUOTE ]

I call BS as once you go through the whole ignoring act, and when the chick gets hot for you (hot chick by the way)...there is no reason that walking out is a +EV move ever. You are never going to see this girl again, I could understand what you are saying if you worked with her, or lived next door...but to do what you did at the end is, well, retarded.

Now as far as the psychology to use during dating, there is basically a way to treat each girl that is most effective...with some girls you ignore them, or treat them like dirt...swear to god this works, its pretty sick but some find this hot. Now after going through this whole "act"...you walk out on someone you will never see again, but is hot and is giving u what you want, is pretty idiotic IMO.

Sure it may feel good walking out on them, because maybe it makes u feel tough, or cool...but nothing feels better than [censored] the [censored] out of some drunk, hot woman. Well, maybe thats just me, because SIIHP sure feels a hell of a lot better than walking to the car.

oreogod

08-12-2005, 08:33 AM

The only way that story could be true is if u hated that bitch to such an insane extent.

Dunno...I bailed out on a girl once that was hot, but I hated personality wise...but most of the time it ends up going the other way, were I do end up staying the night. I have to say, the most of the time still feels alot better than the one time.

SammyKid11

08-12-2005, 06:05 PM

This will be my last post defending the veracity of my story. Yeah, I couldn't stand this woman. She was indicative of everything I DIDN'T like about women, for one thing. For another, after talking with her online/on the phone for almost a month (and seeing my very recent and accurate pics)...she then (after I bought her dinner) went into her whole "no chemistry, no spark" routine. This really pissed me off.

Along the same time-period (this was several years ago), I was talking with a smoking-hot girl I actually adored (she's now my gf - has been for almost 5 years). But at the time, she had a bf - so even though we were talking on the phone, etc, I was still dating (mainly to make her jealous and keep me from feeling like a groveller over her). So I'm sure the fact that I had real feelings for someone else at the time had something to do with my rejection of Miss Bikini Contest/Sleazy Car show model (who was also a stripper, another trait I don't find particularly attractive overall).

In the end...yeah, I turned down sex with a hot girl. But at the same time...I've played in regionally-successful rock bands my entire life. I've never had any problems getting laid with hot girls. So turning one down (who still by far wasn't going to be the "conquest of my life" or anything) who I didn't like, who treated me like crap earlier in the night, all the while when I liked someone else...didn't seem like that big a deal. I still maintain it was no kind of mistake -- I DID get what I wanted...the reassurance that I was still the man in my little pond, and I got to crack the armor of some bitchy girl who'd probably never been turned down in her life.

Anyway, I'm out on the subject -- just thought the story was relevant. You guys can believe whatever you want.

08-12-2005, 07:22 PM

[ QUOTE ]
She says, "Can I be honest? I really want to keep hanging out as buds, but there's no spark for me."

[/ QUOTE ]

Back then hoes didn't want me, now I'm hot hoes all on me

I feel your pain bro, get hot, it helps.

PITTM

09-08-2005, 02:56 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Your mistake was asking her how she felt about the pre-date. It seemed like it was obvious to you how she was feeling. Your insecure questioning and need for 100% confirmation turned her off.

[/ QUOTE ]

this is seriously like 70% of guys problems with getting girls. they act like tards, the girl picks up on it. girl leaves. dont ask for confirmation of how someone is feeling. use your reads!

rj

jaydub

09-08-2005, 07:01 PM

In 2+2 style, I will critique your line.

[ QUOTE ]
She explains to me how she views a first meeting as a "pre-date" and doesn't like to expect anything romantic.
...
She wants the first date to be platonic and then go from there.

[/ QUOTE ]

Tease her here. Say something joking like "Non platonic? You wish" or "Ewww you might cooties". The key is to tease her in a funny way about wanting to hook up with you.

[ QUOTE ]

So we meet up last night at a low-key bar to grab a light dinner (we're both coming from work) and drinks.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dinner bad, drinks good. Next time say you have dinner plans but can meet her after. This was a weeknight right? Fri / Sat is for girls you are already sleeping with.

[ QUOTE ]

We start joking around and busting each others balls right from the start. She's laughing and having a great time. Lots of eye contact. Sweet.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good.

[ QUOTE ]

So I'm feeling rather bold and decide to see how she's feeling about the pre-date.

[/ QUOTE ]

Disaster. Don't ask how she feels this early. Ever. If feeling bold, test her willingness for a kiss, eg brush her hair away from her face and gauge reaction.

[ QUOTE ]

She says, "Can I be honest? I really want to keep hanging out as buds, but there's no spark for me."

[/ QUOTE ]

Probably should eject but if you feel like continuing, the best way to recover (unlikely) is to say something like "I know, you remind me of my little sister. We could never hook up".

[ QUOTE ]

I'm pissed and get very quiet. She can tell that I'm upset.

[/ QUOTE ]

Worst reaction possible.

[ QUOTE ]

The bill comes and I pay (I had said before that I'd wanted to do this). She says that she wants to hang out some more and talk and that she'll pay for a couple of rounds, but only if I'm comfortable.

[/ QUOTE ]

Great, maybe she'll pity you enough to sleep with you. That could happen... Seriously you shoulda been so out the door.

[ QUOTE ]

I acquiesce and we start talking about relationships, dating, that sort of thing.

[/ QUOTE ]

Never do this so early. Nothing good comes from it.

[ QUOTE ]

It's less awkward than right after she said what she said to me, but there's a different dynamic than when the night began.

[/ QUOTE ]

Of course.

[ QUOTE ]

I feel like I'm in a poker game where everyone's folding everytime I get a big hand. It's like I have some "tell" that's obvious to everyone else, but that escapes me completely.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes you come off as needy. Stop doing that. Oh and go eff ten other women. Then come back and read your post.

ShawnHoo

09-08-2005, 10:13 PM

Guys,

Thanks for collectively kicking my ass.

I definitely came across as way too needy. I needed to be bold, decisive, and assertive; instead I was weak-tight.

Not too long after that date, I was contacted by another girl from match. She didn't have a pic on her profile, but I figured "What the hell? Perhaps I can use this as a chance to start being more assertive with women and if we end up hitting it off, all the better."

We ended up exchanging hundreds of short emails over the course of a couple of weeks. There was a lot of teasing and ball-busting back and forth. She's a lawyer, so she's more mature than most women I've dated, and we have a lot in common. I never pushed for a date until I knew that I wanted one, and by that point I knew she was ready too.

So we meet up at a local bar and she's a total hottie. Easily one of the two best-looking women I've dated in my life. She shows up 30 minutes late (she had called ahead to let me know she was at a company function that was running late) and I get in a couple of jabs about it. I felt very much in control the entire night and had the mindset of "how can she show me that she's interested" instead of the other way around.

I end up going in for a kiss about an hour in and get warmly received. Three beers and several more kisses later, she drops me off at my place (I live right around the corner and she had driven there). I check my email later that night and she's written me 15 minutes after dropping me off saying what a great time she had.

We've been out a bunch since then. The conversations have been great; the chemistry/sex has been mind-blowing. The kicker? She's told me on several occasions how she was super-attracted to how confident I was on our first date.

We'll see what comes of this, but thanks to you guys for helping to put my head back on straight.

arod15

09-08-2005, 10:23 PM

Clearly define the line. Your probably being way to nice man. Your not trying to be her friend your trying to get some. So put your arm around her, hold her hand, pull her seat. Flirt make it clear you want action. If she doesnt give it to you, find a new girl who will. DOnt ever be a friend thats stupid.

mason55

09-08-2005, 10:24 PM

OOT is never wrong

mason55

09-08-2005, 10:24 PM

dude, read the latest post....

arod15

09-08-2005, 10:29 PM

Good to here now email that other chick tell her she miss out and your too good for her.....

Michael Davis

09-08-2005, 10:32 PM

"Good to here now email that other chick tell her she miss out and your too good for her....."

I think that indicates a medium psychological problem.

-Michael

The Yugoslavian

09-09-2005, 12:05 AM

Vnh.

You give hope to 2+2, ShawnHoo /images/graemlins/wink.gif.

Sup bro ain't got nothin' on you when you're up in da club.

/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Yugoslav

fire_fly

09-09-2005, 07:56 AM

grunching

sucks, but what she said means "I'm not attracted to you."

Sorry, but I've been there enough times to know whats up. Don't give up though, there's somebody out there for ya.

ChipWrecked

09-09-2005, 08:15 AM

I met my wife on Match.

We emailed a few days, then had a phone call where I shouted at her and told her I didn't give a goddamn about whatever it was she was talking about.

We dated, got tight, she [censored] with me in various ways including leaving her profile out on Match.

I dumped her.

That was the kicker. She had to have me. /images/graemlins/cool.gif

Our daughter turns two in a couple of weeks.

Not giving a damn rules.

Way to hang.

hotdog da 2rd

09-09-2005, 08:35 AM

good grief shawnhoo! pls tell me you were on the WE channel! not that i watch that channel or anything.

HesseJam

09-09-2005, 08:50 AM

No spark => you're out!

LBFs + the ball is in your court => very bad on many levels. Suggestion of LBF is a typical sign that she sees promising social value in you but only little sexual value. Women like to network to accumulate back up ressources. "Ball is in your court" is the first test if you will be of future service to her.

Fold!

Next!

ShawnHoo

09-09-2005, 11:07 AM

Uhh... you didn't read my update, eh?

09-09-2005, 11:47 AM

Dude she sounds like a psycho w/ that mind game crap. Muck her.

samjjones

09-09-2005, 12:08 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Guys,

Thanks for collectively kicking my ass.

I definitely came across as way too needy. I needed to be bold, decisive, and assertive; instead I was weak-tight.

Not too long after that date, I was contacted by another girl from match. She didn't have a pic on her profile, but I figured "What the hell? Perhaps I can use this as a chance to start being more assertive with women and if we end up hitting it off, all the better."

We ended up exchanging hundreds of short emails over the course of a couple of weeks. There was a lot of teasing and ball-busting back and forth. She's a lawyer, so she's more mature than most women I've dated, and we have a lot in common. I never pushed for a date until I knew that I wanted one, and by that point I knew she was ready too.

So we meet up at a local bar and she's a total hottie. Easily one of the two best-looking women I've dated in my life. She shows up 30 minutes late (she had called ahead to let me know she was at a company function that was running late) and I get in a couple of jabs about it. I felt very much in control the entire night and had the mindset of "how can she show me that she's interested" instead of the other way around.

I end up going in for a kiss about an hour in and get warmly received. Three beers and several more kisses later, she drops me off at my place (I live right around the corner and she had driven there). I check my email later that night and she's written me 15 minutes after dropping me off saying what a great time she had.

We've been out a bunch since then. The conversations have been great; the chemistry/sex has been mind-blowing. The kicker? She's told me on several occasions how she was super-attracted to how confident I was on our first date.

We'll see what comes of this, but thanks to you guys for helping to put my head back on straight.

[/ QUOTE ]
Good follow-up, and congrats. Its weird how things seem to work themselves out like that.

DcifrThs

09-09-2005, 12:23 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I'm not about to settle for someone who's not intelligent and attractive

[/ QUOTE ]

arrogant?? settle? f*ck no.

Barron

IndieMatty

09-09-2005, 12:28 PM

[ QUOTE ]
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y2/B00T/508fe351.jpg

~~~~YOU BLEW IT~~~~

[/ QUOTE ]

This would be much better with Deniro from copland.

DcifrThs

09-09-2005, 12:31 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Isn't that site expensive, I'm too lazy to go look.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd rather spend $100 on eharmony, find someone that matches and is looking for what I am looking for as opposed to going to match.com, date.com, lavalife.com and finding some insecure little girl who is trying to fill her security void by playing games with guys.

Think about it this way, Shawn spent probably at least $30 to $40 on this date with the chick who just wants to be "friends." Wouldn't that money be better spent on a dating service that actually works?

My two cents.

Lawrence

[/ QUOTE ]

define, works??

ive never tried these but from the commercial on TV, which i do have experience watching, its clearly geared towards a relationship, yeah...but what kind of relationship: MARRIAGE.

u lookin for that?

Barron

MrWookie47

09-09-2005, 12:35 PM

[ QUOTE ]
grunching

[/ QUOTE ]

You've obviously been spending too much time in the mirco forum, and not enough time in OOT. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

To the OP, congrats, and thanks for the update. I was going to endorse eharmony and the rest of the confidence-related advice in this thread, but it looks like you don't have much need for that anymore.

siccjay

09-09-2005, 01:16 PM

Another ASF poker player. Nice.

09-09-2005, 05:06 PM

Isn't the best way to get the most and highest quality poon-tang to be loose-agressive? Just by the sheer number of poon you win you will be getting a lot of good poon. Sure, you might be getting average poon in there too, but supposing that 5 average poons is worth 1 great poon, you will be doing pretty good for yourself. So just go for poon as if you are shorthanded, not one handed.

jba

09-09-2005, 05:10 PM

[ QUOTE ]
The bill comes and I pay (I had said before that I'd wanted to do this).

[/ QUOTE ]

stopped reading here. act like a pussy and they treat you like one.

jba

09-09-2005, 05:20 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I am, in fact, a liar (everyone is a liar about something). But I am neither gay nor am I lying about this incident. No one has to believe me - but it is a liberating experience turning down a girl like that. I haven't regretted it for one second of one day. I have to admit, though, that my rejection of her was aided by the fact that I thought she was a horribly stupid, petty girl who I very much disliked as a person. I'm sure if I'd found her both charming and hot, I wouldn't have had the stomach to turn her down.

[/ QUOTE ]

then clearly the correct move would be to bone her, finish WAY too soon, and when she asks where you're going say "just not feelin it hon"

key part is the finish dude. did you figure out what you were trying to prove that night when you were whackin it?

kerssens

09-09-2005, 05:22 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Isn't the best way to get the most and highest quality poon-tang to be loose-agressive? Just by the sheer number of poon you win you will be getting a lot of good poon. Sure, you might be getting average poon in there too, but supposing that 5 average poons is worth 1 great poon, you will be doing pretty good for yourself. So just go for poon as if you are shorthanded, not one handed.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think you can put poon in that sentence one more time somewhere...there HAS to be room.