friend problem

[JaBlue]

this is long and there will be a lot of personal history so if you don't want to read that crap stop here. yes its about a girl




Anyway I have a guy friend. We're very good friends. One night there's this girl that takes an eye to me. I am with my guy friend and he takes an eye to her. She's hot, but I pass up anyway as there are plenty of other girls that my friend isn't taking an eye to.

A year and a half later they have a rather serious relationship. He's crazy about her and she him. I found out she's a slut and I do my best to tell him not to get too involved but he doesn't listen and he's crazy about her. She is also a good friend of mine at this point, but she's definitely loosey goosey. Anyway they break up and its really bad.

My friend terminates all contact and friendship with the girl. A month later they still haven't spoken and the girl calls me up. The guy friend has a new girl he's crazy about and I assumed he's moved on. He tends to get very emotional about girls.

So I go see a movie with the girl. Stuff happens and we're messing around back at my place. While this happens I realize its probably not a good idea but I figure it can't be too bad since they aren't on speaking terms. Not to mention she is very fiesty and practically pulling me into her and I am but a man. I [censored] her brains out.

After it all we agree that its probably a bad idea to tell him about it. After a few days I feel guilty and consider telling him. I don't. About a week from that I have pretty much forgotten about the encounter with the girl and file it away thinking nothing of it and hoping that it doesn't resurface.

About a week later the guy becomes very good friends with the girl again. [censored].

Yadda yadda yadda a few months pass and he doesn't know

she ends up telling him after he draws it out of her and he was snooping around to find out some wierd information which is wierd but what can I do. He found out.

Now he hates my guts. He says he won't fight me because he's a pacifist, but it's really because I wouldn't hit him back (why would I fight?). I could kick his ass and would defend myself if he came at me but he wouldn't because I can kick his ass.

Anyway I'd prefer to have this guy as a friend because he is one of my best friends and we also share a group of mutual friends where it will be very awkward if we are in the same vicinity and this issue isn't resolved.

I decided to let the guy cool down and come talk to me if he likes but I've pretty much given up on the friendship. He's a good guy and I recognize that I am definitely in the wrong although he is overreacting.

Anyway, how would you approach this situation? I've tried to give all important information and yes, I have learned the lesson that [censored] a friend's ex is never a good idea.

[DarkForceRising]

I merely perused your post but SIIHP is generally a good default play.

/images/graemlins/mad.gif Geez, that was just exhausting.

[Cosimo]

Tell your friend to stop being such a girl.

They broke up. You hooked up. End of story. She does not 'belong' to him, especially after they have an ugly breakup. He needs to get over that.

[[censored]]

damn dude you broke the code.

No way you will be friends while he dates her again. Luckily odds are overwhelmingly that it will end and end badly, if she is as you say.

[JaBlue]

they're not dating now, he's just being a bitch.

They're pretty much best friends though which is probably even worse

[JaBlue]

I warned you

[miajag81]

How are you in the wrong here? Maybe you could have told him yourself, but I don't think you had any obligation to. Like you said, he's just being a bitch.

[[censored]]

[ QUOTE ]
they're not dating now, he's just being a bitch.

They're pretty much best friends though which is probably even worse

[/ QUOTE ]

you broke the code, I don't think he is being a bitch.

[touchfaith]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
they're not dating now, he's just being a bitch.

They're pretty much best friends though which is probably even worse

[/ QUOTE ]

you broke the code, I don't think he is being a bitch.

[/ QUOTE ]

God I hate agreeing with you...

But yes, you broke rule #1.

Rule #1: A bro's a bro and a ho's a ho.


I'm afraid you have crossed into the ho category.

Write him off, as he has undoubtable already done you.

[[censored]]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
they're not dating now, he's just being a bitch.

They're pretty much best friends though which is probably even worse

[/ QUOTE ]

you broke the code, I don't think he is being a bitch.

[/ QUOTE ]


I feel like I need to elaborate here. It is very important that you noted she was not just some girl he screwed but one he was "crazy about." This is why you broke the code.

[handsome]

You made the mistake. I'd try to rectify this ASAP.

[JaBlue]

yes I agree.

The question was 'how'

[JaBlue]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
they're not dating now, he's just being a bitch.

They're pretty much best friends though which is probably even worse

[/ QUOTE ]

you broke the code, I don't think he is being a bitch.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree that I'm in the wrong, but you don't think he's way overreacting? They had cut off all communications when I [censored] her. If they had still been on good terms at that time I would feel like a complete slimeball. As for now I don't feel bad about what happened, just the consequences.

[[censored]]

[ QUOTE ]
yes I agree.

The question was 'how'

[/ QUOTE ]

It starts with a sincere and heart felt apology. But ultimately it is up to him. That is all you can do.

[gorie]

friends are such a hassle.

[JaBlue]

Yeah I think I'll write him a letter and leave it up to him since he doesn't want to talk to me and all.

[LotsOfOuts69]

[ QUOTE ]
Rule #1: A bro's a bro and a ho's a ho.


[/ QUOTE ]

The first guy who ever said this to me, like 7 years ago, ended up fu*%ing his best friend's g/f and then had to move out of state.

[EliteNinja]

[ QUOTE ]
friends are such a hassle.

[/ QUOTE ]

So correct.
People are so damn complicated it's not even worth it.

[DonBaker]

[ QUOTE ]
Yeah I think I'll write him a letter and leave it up to him since he doesn't want to talk to me and all.

[/ QUOTE ]

dont write a letter... your a man!!! go buy some beers, and get drunk with him! it will be ok after that.

[Zurvan]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Yeah I think I'll write him a letter and leave it up to him since he doesn't want to talk to me and all.

[/ QUOTE ]

dont write a letter... your a man!!! go buy some beers, and get drunk with him! it will be ok after that.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is correct. He will punch you, too. And he should. But don't hit him back. You'll both feel better afterwards.

[HopeydaFish]

[ QUOTE ]
Tell your friend to stop being such a girl.

They broke up. You hooked up. End of story. She does not 'belong' to him, especially after they have an ugly breakup. He needs to get over that.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, sounds like the friend has some serious lack of maturity issues. The OP was not in the wrong. Once they were broken up, she was fair game.

[HopeydaFish]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
they're not dating now, he's just being a bitch.

They're pretty much best friends though which is probably even worse

[/ QUOTE ]

you broke the code, I don't think he is being a bitch.

[/ QUOTE ]


I feel like I need to elaborate here. It is very important that you noted she was not just some girl he screwed but one he was "crazy about." This is why you broke the code.

[/ QUOTE ]

He was dating somebody else and was apparently "crazy about her", though. Once a friend has moved on, the ex is fair game.

What's even more pathetic is the friend only found out about the one night stand a few months later. It sounds to me like he's really insecure and feels that he has to get upset out of principle.

If he was a real friend he'd tell you he isn't happy with what you did, but would forgive you.

[HopeydaFish]

[ QUOTE ]
Yeah I think I'll write him a letter and leave it up to him since he doesn't want to talk to me and all.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ugh...I'm trying to figure out who's more of a woman, you or your friend. Letters are what women write to each other. Men get together over beer and settle their differences once and for all, and then the differences are never spoken of again.

Besides, if you write him a letter there's no guarantee that he'll interpret its contents the way you intended.

[durron597]

[ QUOTE ]

My friend terminates all contact and friendship with the girl. A month later they still haven't spoken and the girl calls me up. The guy friend has a new girl he's crazy about and I assumed he's moved on. He tends to get very emotional about girls.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]

About a week later the guy becomes very good friends with the girl again. [censored].

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
she ends up telling him after he draws it out of her and he was snooping around to find out some wierd information which is wierd but what can I do. He found out.

[/ QUOTE ]

If your friend is the one who broke up with her it sounds like you got used, dude. This is why the cardinal rule is "bros before hos". I mean natural biological tendencies are to go with the "hos" first but this is why the rule was made in the first place.

[ QUOTE ]

Anyway I'd prefer to have this guy as a friend because he is one of my best friends and we also share a group of mutual friends where it will be very awkward if we are in the same vicinity and this issue isn't resolved.


[/ QUOTE ]

If restoring the friendship is really important to you I would just follow this advice:

[ QUOTE ]
dont write a letter... your a man!!! go buy some beers, and get drunk with him! it will be ok after that.

[/ QUOTE ]

If he's got some other girl he's chasing after then this will blow over, and quickly, if you do the above.

[samjjones]

Post deleted by samjjones

[samjjones]

I think you played it fine. Sounds like their relationship was over for quite some time before you got involved. I don't think you necessarily owe a courtesy call to the guy before hooking up with her. I think it will blow over.

[Shajen]

[censored] got it right, but you already knew that I think.

here's the deal. Dude isn't thinking logically because he's into this girl a lot.

So, you have to come at him with not excuses, but heartfelt apology. If he really is a good friend, he'll forgive* you.

Someone above mentioned he'd try to punch you. If he does this after you apologize to him and he accepts the apology, beat his "pacifist" ass.

He's hurt not so much at you but by his slutty girlfriend. It takes two to [censored], and I imagine he's misplacing some of his anger at her on you.

This will end badly for him...which sucks.

*this forgiveness isn't really his to give, but dudes are crazy when it comes to their exes. That's why my personal philosphy back when I was dating was to never even think of hooking up with a friend's ex. It just isn't worth the hassle.

[jackdaniels]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Yeah I think I'll write him a letter and leave it up to him since he doesn't want to talk to me and all.

[/ QUOTE ]

dont write a letter... your a man!!! go buy some beers, and get drunk with him! it will be ok after that.

[/ QUOTE ]

This advice - it is good.

[NobodysFreak]

If you didn't think this was a problem, why didn't you just tell him in the fist place? A real friend won't spare your feelings. I think the fact that you even posted on this board looking for advice is an indication that you're not very comfortable with what you did. It sounds like you shot first and are now trying to justify what you did. For future reference, just suck it up and tell him. Its passive/aggressive otherwise, and its something your mother does when she's angry at you.

[JaBlue]

hopey I appreciate your input in this thread but the beers option is impossible with this guy. I tried to get him to talk about it face to face but he refused. That makes the letter option pretty much the only viable one. I am not a woman.

[JaBlue]

[ QUOTE ]
A real friend won't spare your feelings.


[/ QUOTE ]

I don't know what you mean by this. can you explain?

[ QUOTE ]
I think the fact that you even posted on this board looking for advice is an indication that you're not very comfortable with what you did.


[/ QUOTE ]
Right. I feel like I'm in the wrong and I would like to repair our friendship.

[ QUOTE ]
It sounds like you shot first and are now trying to justify what you did.


[/ QUOTE ]
The slutty girlfriend was practically pulling me into her but I'm not going to tell my friend that. I would think it would help my case if he were thinking logically but its just something he doesn't want to hear.

[ QUOTE ]
For future reference, just suck it up and tell him. Its passive/aggressive otherwise, and its something your mother does when she's angry at you.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, I wish I would have taken this route. That lesson's learned and I also don't plan to be [censored] any more friends' ex-girlfriends.

How is the act passive-aggressive? I don't get it.

[banditbdl]

[ QUOTE ]
He was dating somebody else and was apparently "crazy about her", though. Once a friend has moved on, the ex is fair game.


[/ QUOTE ]

This is completely wrong. If the guy is a close friend and he had a strong relationship with this girl then the ex is never fair game. NEVER

[RRRRICK]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Tell your friend to stop being such a girl.

They broke up. You hooked up. End of story. She does not 'belong' to him, especially after they have an ugly breakup. He needs to get over that.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank God neither of you are friends of mine.
Certain women are off limits with relation to friends.

A friends mother, sister(s),ex wife, ex girl friends.

By ex girl friend I mean long relationship where feelings were invloved.

How would you feel if a close friend boned your divorced mum because they were both horny.

I and friends have boned several women in comman, sometimes simultaneously. There's a difference between sharing pussy and disrespectfully boning a friends ex.

It shows a lack of loyalty and I would have kicked your ass.

[HopeydaFish]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
He was dating somebody else and was apparently "crazy about her", though. Once a friend has moved on, the ex is fair game.


[/ QUOTE ]

This is completely wrong. If the guy is a close friend and he had a strong relationship with this girl then the ex is never fair game. NEVER

[/ QUOTE ]

It depends on the guy. Some guys don't get worked up about such things. Some guys get worked up on the inside, but don't show it on the outside because they know the anger inside will eventually go away. And some guys are like the OP's friend who will let a one night stand that happened months ago ruin their friendship.

[HopeydaFish]

[ QUOTE ]
hopey I appreciate your input in this thread but the beers option is impossible with this guy. I tried to get him to talk about it face to face but he refused. That makes the letter option pretty much the only viable one. I am not a woman.

[/ QUOTE ]

I guess you have nothing to lose with the letter, but I wouldn't get my hopes up. Sounds like the guy has already written you off.

It's impossible to reason with the jealous types when women are involved. Some guys grow out of it eventually. Losing friendships over women isn't worth it.

[Runner Runner]

[ QUOTE ]
Quote:


This is completely wrong. If the guy is a close friend and he had a strong relationship with this girl then the ex is never fair game. NEVER

[/ QUOTE ]

There is some wiggle room on that rule. It is not so cut and dry.

I think that under the circumstances the O.P's actions aren't to be applauded, but they aren't entirely unreasonable either. It is up to the O.P to explain to his buddy that (A) alcohol was a big factor (B) he never thought they would get back together (C) use the old "put yourself in my shoes". Besides she was greasing him up more then he was going after her, (this shouldn't be brought up with the buddy though).

If this occured while the two were dating, then for sure the friendship between the two guys may be damaged beyond repair, but under these circumstances an honest explanation should mend things with a reasonable person.

[TxSteve]

i lived this situation once; many years ago.

our friendship was gone.

a few years passed; and we eventually became friends again

[siccjay]

Us guys are weird. He shouldn't give a [censored] but of course he does. 99% of us guys would care. He must still have some type of feelings or this girl so there is nothing you can do. It might blow over, it might not. Don't write a letter though, thats pretty gay.

[jakethebake]

In a couple of years you'll both go away to different colleges and you'll probably never have to see him again. Don't worry about it.