in trouble

[ChipLeaderer]

I dont know why im posting on this forum right now. I guess it's the anonymity that this gives me to really speak my mind.... I am depressed. the reasons im depressed
1. my job is really bad. i get to work on the most uninteresting stuff, that if i happen to screw up a little, I will face major repurcussions for. If I do well, do i get a reward, no.
2. i have a lot of expenses, and im always living paycheck to paycheck and it's hard to keep up
3. i play poker, i used to play 0.5/1 and lost 2000 BB at that level. i then began to play 2/4 and wiped out the loss for a total profit of 100BB at 2/4 i.e. cleaned up the $2000 loss and made abour 400 bucks. was feeling good. then tonite, dropped the 100BB. i was playing the game drunk.
4. i play the game and sometimes the bad beats that come in succession are hard to take, so i drink and play figuring it would numb the pain. it affects my play adversely instead.
5. my outlook on life has become very negative, i think i'm a total loser and of course i know i sound like one. i hate everyone. my interpersonal relationships are ceasing to exist.
6. i do not sleep enough. i play too much and it's affecting my work.
7. i spend a lot of time thinking that things are "not fair" and i think that might be a result of a succession of bad beats i took the previous night in the game. i know that bad beats are part of the game but it seems to be affecting me psychologically and makes me want to lash out when i see something in my life as being "unfair".
is there a realistic plan for me to dig myself out of this hole? anyone with similar experiences.

[AJo Go All In]

Post deleted by Mat Sklansky

[Jason Strasser]

ok i bite, joke?

[z80x86]

You might need to seriously reconsider what part poker should play in your life. I hate to admit it, but most people are employeed in uninteresting jobs with little reward for exceptional contributions. A 2000 BB loss is not indicative of a succession of bad beats. Also alcohol is a poison, numbing emotional pain through its abuse suggests some serious problems.

[sandsmarc]

[ QUOTE ]
I dont know why im posting on this forum right now. I guess it's the anonymity that this gives me to really speak my mind.... I am depressed. the reasons im depressed
1. my job is really bad. i get to work on the most uninteresting stuff, that if i happen to screw up a little, I will face major repurcussions for. If I do well, do i get a reward, no.

/images/graemlins/spade.gifStart your own business. Any business, even cleaning houses or offices, is better than working for a corporation.


2. i have a lot of expenses, and im always living paycheck to paycheck and it's hard to keep up

/images/graemlins/spade.gifso is everyone else. write up a budget, cut back on discretionary spending, live lean

3. i play poker, i used to play 0.5/1 and lost 2000 BB at that level. i then began to play 2/4 and wiped out the loss for a total profit of 100BB at 2/4 i.e. cleaned up the $2000 loss and made abour 400 bucks. was feeling good. then tonite, dropped the 100BB. i was playing the game drunk.

/images/graemlins/spade.gifDrop back to .5/1.00 and only play 1 hour per day. You need to get disciplined, right now you're a mess. Discipline means stopping when you want to continue. Play 1 hour a day then quit and move on to something more important... like exercise.

4. i play the game and sometimes the bad beats that come in succession are hard to take, so i drink and play figuring it would numb the pain. it affects my play adversely instead.

/images/graemlins/spade.gifstop drinking. drinking is for losers.

5. my outlook on life has become very negative, i think i'm a total loser and of course i know i sound like one. i hate everyone. my interpersonal relationships are ceasing to exist.

/images/graemlins/spade.gifright now you are a loser. changing that is simply a matter of making a decision not to be one. your past actions have made you a loser. your future actions can easily reverse it.


6. i do not sleep enough. i play too much and it's affecting my work.

/images/graemlins/spade.gif1 hour a day of tight aggressive poker win or lose. solves the problem.

7. i spend a lot of time thinking that things are "not fair" and i think that might be a result of a succession of bad beats i took the previous night in the game. i know that bad beats are part of the game but it seems to be affecting me psychologically and makes me want to lash out when i see something in my life as being "unfair".

/images/graemlins/spade.gifLife is unfair. Peter Jennings was on top of the world, money, wife, kids, prestige. 1 cancer diagnosis and 4 months later and he is not here anymore. You don't have any real problems.


is there a realistic plan for me to dig myself out of this hole? anyone with similar experiences.

/images/graemlins/spade.gifStop drinking. Start an exercise program. Play poker for 1 hour a day. Start your own business. Do some community service. One to three years from now you're a total winner.

[CaptSensible]

[ QUOTE ]
if i were you i would kill myself!!!
do it

[/ QUOTE ]

What is your major malfunction? Someone asks for help and you suggest suicide? I wonder who the REAL loser is here on this thread.

[CaptSensible]

First off, You're not alone. Most people go through these kinds of periods in their life. There are two kinds of depression; chemical and situational. I don't know your history but I can say it definitly sounds like your in a situational depression. It means exactly what it sounds like. That there are situations in your life causing you to be depressed.

I HIGHLY recommend seeking professional help. Having an objective person who knows what there doing to help you get back on track can be invaluable for people in your situation. I know that it's helped me immensly.

If you can't afford to see a therapist find one and they will be able to direct you to someone who can see you on a sliding scale (you pay only what you can afford to pay). Some high priced therapists will sometimes accept patients who need help but can't afford it.

Good luck and keep us updated!

[runout_mick]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
if i were you i would kill myself!!!
do it

[/ QUOTE ]

What is your major malfunction? Someone asks for help and you suggest suicide? I wonder who the REAL loser is here on this thread.

[/ QUOTE ]

I hope he was trying levity... hope.

[revots33]

[ QUOTE ]
1. my job is really bad. i get to work on the most uninteresting stuff, that if i happen to screw up a little, I will face major repurcussions for. If I do well, do i get a reward, no.

[/ QUOTE ]
It might help to think about your job and steps you can take to improve it. It might mean going to school to learn something new, or maybe just updating your resume and actively looking for something else. I've been in jobs I hated in the past, and I've always found that taking those first steps towards something better always improved my outlook. Even if you're still stuck in the crappy job for a while, just knowing you're methodically working towards eventually leaving makes you feel better - it no longer feels like a life sentence.

[ QUOTE ]
6. i do not sleep enough. i play too much and it's affecting my work.

[/ QUOTE ]
You need to stop playing at a certain time of night and get enough sleep. Lack of sleep will affect your job, make you play lousy poker, and most importantly mess up your health.

It really sounds like you're trying to use poker as a way to forget the bad things in your life (primarily your job). Take steps to improve the work situation and I think everything else will start falling into place. Good luck!

[meow_meow]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
if i were you i would kill myself!!!
do it

[/ QUOTE ]

What is your major malfunction? Someone asks for help and you suggest suicide? I wonder who the REAL loser is here on this thread.

[/ QUOTE ]

I hope he was trying levity... hope.

[/ QUOTE ]

If he was, it was a horribly unsuccessful attempt.

Good constructive post. I agree. If you work the same type of meaningless hamster job as me then they should have a hotline where you can call and get help at no charge. Or you can use your medical insurance, they pay a good portion of the fees. I am checking back into AA myself.

[PairTheBoard]

I think you should definitely seek some profesional help. Just somebody to talk to, like a therapist, can make a big difference. Even if your depression is situational a medical doctor might advise a temporary treatment - like 6 months - with an antidepressant. It's hard getting started with the kinds of changes you need to make while in the midst of depression. But you may not need it. Exercise is by far the simplest, most natural, and effective antidepressant available if you can get yourself started on it. A lot of good ideas from the other posters. Getting invloved with people via community service, or participation in an interesting organization will help. If Alchohol is causing any kind of problem in your life then AA is a natural organization to get involved with.

imo, Even for winning players Poker is very tough on a person emotionally and psychologically. If you are not emotionally and psychologically fit I don't think you should play poker, especially if your poker results have a vital impact on your finances. The Upswings and Downswings can be awful emotional whipsaws.

Please follow through by doing something in a positive direction for yourself and keep us posted here on how you are doing.

Sincere Regards,

PairTheBoard

[PLOlover]

Congratulations! You are ready for omaha8b.

As far as sleep, it's important to jerk it before bedtime, and not during the day.

[cardspeak]

I echo Pairtheboard's excellent post. Especially, I think playing poker is far too dangerous for you right now. Don't even play another minute. Depression, alcohol and gambling are an explosive combination.

Try to do the opposite of what you posted: Don't drink. Don't gamble. Seek out a friend, even just one. Stop bemoaning how much life sucks. Get lots of sleep. Eat well. Get outside, especially if you can get out in nature, out of the city.

Sleep deprivation, alcohol toxicity (usually combined with lack of good nutrition) create by themselves a negative, depressed psychological state. Just by correcting these two you might find your mood much improved.

I wish you success. Let us know how you do.

I will echo the echo.

If this is truly your current state of affairs, then I would strongly suggest getting some professional help - counselling or a psychiatrist - though I find psychiatrists these days tend to be mostly prescription writers - though that may not be a bad thing in your case.

And yeah - I would step back from the poker for a while - and from the sounds of it, I would step back from the bottle too.

Don't despair though - I know many people who have been far worse off than you are who have gotten everything back together and moved on to be very happy and well-adjusted people.

As the saying goes, "In the deck of life, no one gets 52 aces"