Poker, Bankroll, and Marriage

[ClaudCunningham]

Have had a fairly succesful year +1850 on the internet and + 1550 on home games (mostly 25 dollar buy in tourneys)and B&M ...now here's my question

Has anyone here had problems with their wife "dipping" into bankroll saying ..."GREAT WIN honey thatll really come in handy for ...gifts ...extra vacation whatever.. "

I was ok with this UNTIL i get the bitching about "you've lost quite a bit lately" etc ... etc...

MY answer has gotta be to completely seperate my poker bankroll.... but i like to provide extras for the fam etc...

any experiences????

[4_2_it]

My wife believes gambling is immoral and stated when I started that she didn't want to benefit from my ill-gotten gains. I quickly agreed to her offer /images/graemlins/smile.gif Of course she figured I'd lose my roll right away and that would be that. Two years later I'm going strong and paying for a trip to Vegas to meet my buddies next week. She is dumbfounded that I have actually turned a small profit ($3k) over 2 years, but is sticking to her deal.

My advice to you is to keep your poker bank roll seperate. Agree with your wife that you will not increase funding in it without speaking with her first (I am assuming you consult on finance decisions). Don't let her see how much you won (or lost) on a frequent basis. I'm not saying lie, just agree to discuss bankroll every month, not after each session. Surprising the family with gifts, vacations, etc on occassion should be enough to keep her from getting too curious.

Good Luck.

[AKQJ10]

Good advice. Even though I'm single, I still feel some of this pressure from family. Separating bankroll helps.

Check out the psychology forum. They talk about "life issues" like this a lot.

[SteveM]

Sounds like you have a good plan - similar to mine. Keep your bankroll separate, but be generous about it, too. My wife doesn't play poker, but is supportive of my pursuit of my hobby. I've built my initial deposit into a very nice bankroll and she knows I won't ever put another cent of our money into this. Like you, I enjoy treating the family once in a while and I like being able to say, "I'll use my poker winnings for that." Not only do I get to enjoy the occasional splurge, but it also builds that spousal goodwill that sometimes comes in handy when a tourney runs into dinnertime, etc. Good luck!

I also agree with the poster who said not to discuss individual sessions. It is hard to explain variance to someone who is only marginally interested in poker to begin with.

[Derek in NYC]

Pay your wife a dividend from the bankroll at the end of every winning month.

[ThaHero]

I'd say separate the bankroll. I don't understand why it already isn't. Is your bankroll in the same account as your "normal" money? If so, things could get mixed up. If it's just winnings or "profit" that you have in the same account as "normal" money, then I don't really see much of a problem. But if you have a good portion of your (hypothetical) $1,200 roll for 2/4 in the family bank account, if you hit a downswing and have to withdraw maybe $600 I could see where problems would arise.

You have received good advice already, but I just wanted to chime in with some support here.

What your wife is doing is wrong. Gambling is already emotional enough as it is, and adding spousal pressure is just nasty. I understand she isn't probably trying to be nasty, she is more likely unaware of the pressures you already face just playing the game.

I would keep everything separate, not just the BR, and buy the extras as I wanted and the profits allowed. I would also make the distinction crystal clear to this lady. To be fair, your playing is time spent outside of the relationship, or late for dinner, or what have you, so you also have a responsibility to share the winnings in some degree. That is different from having her run rampant over your bank account.

Just my 2 cents (I'm female if it matters--probably not as I'm an earning female).

When I started winning some dough playing poker, I opened up a separate checking account at another bank, just for internet and B&M games. I keep only my bankroll in that account and do not spend it, except I treated myself to an IPOD. If she doesnt know about the second account, she wont know how much youre winning.

[pistol78]

If you are not allowed to reload your bankroll from your joint accounts I see no reason why you should be sharing your poker winnings.

I say this because, and you should let her be aware of the fact, if something happens and you go broke how will you replensh your roll? Therfore you should let her know that poker is really important to you and unless she is ready to accept the consequences of poor bankroll managment she should ease up on the splurging.

I also dont agree with creating additional accounts and not disclousing your poker winnings to her. IMO that is just wrong and will only lead to bigger problems that you do not want.

After all shouldn't marriage be about love and TRUST?

[Altaslim]

My wife is supportive of my poker playing, although she was concerned about money issues initially. I made it clear that poker funds were absolutely separate from all life funds, and that as I acheived my bankroll goals I would be using extras to contribute to our quality of life. It was important to follow through with this, because the addition of a new leather couch, etc. goes a long way to keeping her support when I moan about downswings.

[donkeyradish]

This is a good question to ask!

My wife has no interest in poker, but she knows I have been growing a bankroll and asked how much I had in it recently for the first time (so I told her - the truth)

In a strange way that has helped to motivate me to play a bit better because I would really hate it if she were to ask again a few weeks later if I were to have a net loss...

(What!!! You spent all those hours nearly EVERY NIGHT playing SILLY GAMES and IT COST YOU $1500 ???? /images/graemlins/shocked.gif)

[4_2_it]

[ QUOTE ]
(What!!! You spent all those hours nearly EVERY NIGHT playing SILLY GAMES and IT COST YOU $1500 ???? /images/graemlins/shocked.gif)

[/ QUOTE ]

Been there /images/graemlins/wink.gif

What helped was creating charts and graphs on the unavoidable pitfalls of variance and putting together a 3-hour multi-media presentation for the wife. This way she could come to appreciate the true nature of poker.

Wait a minute, that's what I should had done, instead I just fibbed and said I am even and got busy rebuilding before she went frying pan on me /images/graemlins/smile.gif