How do I tell my son about the birds and the bees?

[joeski19]

He’s 12 and will be 13 in a couple of months. We have a good relationship, but I just don’t know how to approach this. I sure he knows some stuff already. (We all thought we knew everything) Some of the reasons I haven’t told him yet …

1. I’m scared. Not sure of what… probably just the fact that he’s getting older.
2. Not sure how too go about it. Do I say penis, and vagina, or cock, and pussy? Do you mention oral, anal, or masturbation?
I need a pamphlet or something.
3. I don’t want him to tell his little brother or sister. Not a great reason, but it’s still there.


On a side note how old were you when you had the talk? Did it help?

[MrWookie47]

Maybe you should talk to this guy. (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=exchange&Number=3035153&Fo rum=f20) See what he figured out.

[codewarrior]

Let him watch you & the spouse ala "Meaning of Life."

[Bradyams]

Seriously, never had the talk. My Dad knew that I knew enough, and he gave me a Playboy when I was 13.

[HopeydaFish]

Have him do a search on Google for the "I love Matt video". He'll be more receptive to learning about the birds and bees from a girl his own age.

[Colonel Kataffy]

Show him the movie "swingers." Its full of great advice that should have him getting laid in no time.

[mmbt0ne]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">En réponse à:</font><hr />
Seriously, never had the talk.

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Nor a Playboy gift from Dad. In fact, everything I learned was from various friends and sex-ed classes.

[ThisHo]

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Seriously, never had the talk. My Dad knew that I knew enough, and he gave me a Playboy when I was 13.

[/ QUOTE ]

Did he give you a pack of cigarettes when you turned 14?

[Voltron87]

my parents never had the talk with me, my dad threw in "dont have sex without a condom" really randomly once or twice but other than that nothing.

[benza13]

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[ QUOTE ]
Seriously, never had the talk.

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Nor a Playboy gift from Dad. In fact, everything I learned was from various friends and sex-ed classes.

[/ QUOTE ]

this is my experience too. at least until my dad gave me a pack of condoms when i was like 17. then he told me to use them. that is all.

[Colonel Kataffy]

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Seriously, never had the talk. My Dad knew that I knew enough, and he gave me a Playboy when I was 13.

[/ QUOTE ]



Did he give you a pack of cigarettes when you turned 14?

[/ QUOTE ]

FYI, there is a difference between jerking off and smoking that renders your post stupid.

[Voltron87]

honestly, if your kid has his head screwed on the right way, this talk doesnt need to happen. if you parent him well and hes responsible and realizes the rules of life he'll be fine.

[slickpoppa]

[ QUOTE ]
my parents never had the talk with me, my dad threw in "dont have sex without a condom" really randomly once or twice but other than that nothing.

[/ QUOTE ]

Same here.

Just let you son learn about everything through internet pornography.

[jakethebake]

Aaaah, yes. "The Talk."

Me: Dad, can I borrow $200.
Dad: What for?
Me: An abortion.
Dad: Son, I think it's time we had a talk about the birds and the bees....

[Bradyams]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Seriously, never had the talk. My Dad knew that I knew enough, and he gave me a Playboy when I was 13.

[/ QUOTE ]

Did he give you a pack of cigarettes when you turned 14?

[/ QUOTE ]

No, he gave me a joint /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[RunDownHouse]

The closest I came to getting "the talk" was when I was 16 or 17 (still a virgin) and going out to dinner with a girlfriend and said, "If you go out in the rain, wear a raincoat, ok?"

I didn't know what he was talking about for a good 5 seconds, and no further explanation seemed forthcoming, so I left.

[Voltron87]

jake never was a fan of preemptive parenting. hes more of a problem solver. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[klagett]

I never really had the talk and didn't grow up with my dad.

My mother just said... "do you know about sex?"

I think I was 13 or 14 so I said yeah and she's like just use condoms if you can't afford them i'll buy them for you.

That was about the extent of it.

[AsiaKurosawa]

My mom was chicken too, bought us a set of (thin, age appropriate) books on the subject of reproduction &amp; "the change" when we were ... 10-12? Never spoke of sex again til she saw me watching Jenny Jones (i know, i know but it sticks in my memory) -- topic, kids who have sex in their parents house...

"You wouldnt have sex in the house would you?"
"Not in the house.."
"What??!"

etcetc. She flipped when she found I was sexually active at 16, and had me convinced I was pregnant from my recent, first encounter (though, no I couldn't have been and it defied the logic of the books she gave me.) Her flipping did nothing but cause a rift between us-- as she'd always said I "could tell her anything" and it was then i realized that I really couldn't. Naive, but i've kept her even more than arms' length about my sexuality since then.

my advice-- do start with some book or something appropriate to review with your kid. dont say cock or pussy but use vulva (the in word for vagina, dontcha know), penis, breasts etc. and focus more on the change and what it entails-- sexual interest, etc. Talking about the physical change will lead to discussion about sexual feelings/desires etc. and from there its the tough part /images/graemlins/smile.gif

imo i wouldn't talk about anal with my parents (!!) but depending on your position on sex and sexuality-- you may want to approach the fact that sex = pregnancy but not all sex means penis --&gt; vulva (oral, heavy petting, etc.) and that there are safer ways to express and enjoy sexuality than vaginal sex. (my fear would be mor of pregnancy than anything.)

I'd also be open and discuss the ramifications of early teen pregnancy, meaning he'd have too many responsibilities to truly enjoy his teen years (discuss what they are: getting a job, supporting a kid, how tough it is to raise an infant/child, etc-- all sorts of things teenagers arent wont to do)... and let him know that sex is a choice but there is no absolutely safe sex as far as not getting preggo/an STD goes.

I'd also mention masturbation, if only in passing as something not to be ashamed of but something that is normal (in boundaries!) -- shame attached to masturbation was a big hurdle for me and friends, and I almost wish someone would have told me it was okay and that I didn't have to listen to my (lying im sure) friends who said they'd never do something so "gross." [thanks but i dont need a masturbation talk now jake] /images/graemlins/wink.gif

Don't worry about him telling the little ones, I dunno but I guess I've always felt you should be open with this sort of stuff no matter what the age, unless the kids are too young to get it or be interested by it. But I wouldn't say "dont tell anyone/your brothers-sisters about this talk," because that also can foster shame about it and make him think you two were discussing something bad or wrong when you weren't. You can broach it by saying "your siblings are too young to understand this now, but I think you're ready..." etc, which will make him feel like an older kid ready for something the others arent, and prolly will make him keep it close to the vest, if thats what you want.

good luck, go look on amazon for a book or something to start with. (or maybe a book that gives advice on this sort of stuff!) /images/graemlins/wink.gif

seriously, good luck. i know its weird, but really this is a crucial time that can shape your future relationship with your kid-- you dont want to approach it afraid or freaked out like theres something wrong. it'll help you when he later approaches you (if it happens) with questions/problems about sex &amp; sexuality.

glgl.

[TheMainEvent]

[ QUOTE ]
use vulva (the in word for vagina, dontcha know),

[/ QUOTE ]

Are you sure?

[Ogre]

dont do it

[joeski19]

Thanks Asia. What time are you free to come over and talk to my son? /images/graemlins/tongue.gif I appreciate your advice, and I’m really surprised on the amount of people that didn’t have a talk. From the time your born parents tell their kids a million different things, but skip the sex talk. /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[joeski19]

why not?

[Evan]

Show him this: http://www.nicolaworthington.com/My%20Videos/pr0n/Psycho_Girl.wmv

[BottlesOf]

I don't see any need for a talk--it would be just really awkward. It's not like he won't learn about it if you don't talk about it. There's sex-ed in schools for the safety stuff and everything else he'll learn from his friends and his experiences. Of course, if he approaches you, I'd answer any questions he has and let him know you're there for him if he ever wants to talk about that or anything else.

[joeski19]

[ QUOTE ]
honestly, if your kid has his head screwed on the right way, this talk doesnt need to happen. if you parent him well and hes responsible and realizes the rules of life he'll be fine.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don’t know I guess I think it’s a responsibility of mine to tell him. Not a good analogy, but I feel responsible to teach my kids to learn how to swim. If they ever fell in the water, and drown because they didn’t know how to swim I feel it would be my fault. If he got some girl pregnant, or got HIV because he didn’t know any better, or his buddies didn’t mention that part I would feel partly responsible.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
[thanks but i dont need a masturbation talk now jake]

[/ QUOTE ]

...and you claim to be the biggest perv in 00t. Liar. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[RacersEdge]

I'm sure there are videos that spell things out pretty well.

[pokerdirty]

sounds like most of the 2p2'ers didn't get the sex talk. looks like they turned out just fine....

[Ogre]

he will learn though various things, tv, movies, friends, school, mtv comercials. the talk is not needed and he will be uncomfortable

[Packerfan1]

I'd recommend the book and tape set, Preparing for Adolescence by Dr. James Dobson. When my son was 13 we took a weekend trip to a waterpark hotel and listened thru the tape set and talked about the topics. Doesn't take the place of discussion, just helps it along. Definitely a good option, for what its worth.

Next week (he's turning 15 in two weeks) we're going to listen to it again for review and renewed discussion. Good luck.

Pack

[ThisHo]

[ QUOTE ]
he will learn though various things, tv, movies, friends, school, mtv comercials. the talk is not needed and he will be uncomfortable

[/ QUOTE ]

Perhaps dad can print him all the OOT stuff re: SIIHP? I'm thinking that most of what is "learned" about sex from friends/commercials/MTV/magazines isn't what you really want your son/daughter to learn.

There are a LOT of things about parenting that are uncomfortable for all involved .. its your job as a parent to prepare the kid for the world and skipping the talk because its "not comfortable" isn't the way to go.

ThisHo

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
I'd recommend the book and tape set, Preparing for Adolescence by Dr. James Dobson. When my son was 13 we took a weekend trip to a waterpark hotel and listened thru the tape set and talked about the topics. Doesn't take the place of discussion, just helps it along. Definitely a good option, for what its worth.

Next week (he's turning 15 in two weeks) we're going to listen to it again for review and renewed discussion. Good luck.

Pack

[/ QUOTE ]

15? /images/graemlins/blush.gif

[Laomedon]

[ QUOTE ]
I'd recommend the book and tape set, Preparing for Adolescence by Dr. James Dobson. When my son was 13 we took a weekend trip to a waterpark hotel and listened thru the tape set and talked about the topics. Doesn't take the place of discussion, just helps it along. Definitely a good option, for what its worth.

Next week (he's turning 15 in two weeks) we're going to listen to it again for review and renewed discussion. Good luck.

Pack

[/ QUOTE ]

Dr. James Dobson is quite possibly one of the worst human beings currently living. I cannot believe you would force your poor son to listen to his ridiculous propaganda TWICE. I would rather be disembowled then be forced to listen to ANYTHING that that semi-retarded evangelical ass-clown has to say.

That is all.

[Philuva]

I think most parents who don't have this talk with their kids do not have the strongest relationships with their kids. It doesn't mean they're bad parents, just that they feel awkward and have a hard time relating to their kids, so the thought of a sex talk is too horrifying to think about.

[AsiaKurosawa]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
use vulva (the in word for vagina, dontcha know),

[/ QUOTE ]

Are you sure?

[/ QUOTE ]

si, señor.

vagina--&gt; the vaginal, "birth canal" part, vulva--&gt; the entirety of a woman's (woman)hood, internal &amp; external. it's an all-encompassing word. its what i used when teaching sexed to h.s. students (when I was at cal for a de-cal class) and im pretty sure its common sex ed parlay-vous still. sounds better too, imo. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[AsiaKurosawa]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[thanks but i dont need a masturbation talk now jake]

[/ QUOTE ]

...and you claim to be the biggest perv in 00t. Liar. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

oh i have time now, jake. /images/graemlins/wink.gif

be all end all: Good Vibrations, a Berkeley-based (you know). (http://www.goodvibes.com)

[DrSavage]

Here's how birds and bees talk should go :
"Son, remember those hookers in Vegas ? Remember what we did with them? Well, just so you know, birds and bees do the same thing. Cya."

[ThisHo]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'd recommend the book and tape set, Preparing for Adolescence by Dr. James Dobson. When my son was 13 we took a weekend trip to a waterpark hotel and listened thru the tape set and talked about the topics. Doesn't take the place of discussion, just helps it along. Definitely a good option, for what its worth.

Next week (he's turning 15 in two weeks) we're going to listen to it again for review and renewed discussion. Good luck.

Pack

[/ QUOTE ]

Dr. James Dobson is quite possibly one of the worst human beings currently living. I cannot believe you would force your poor son to listen to his ridiculous propaganda TWICE. I would rather be disembowled then be forced to listen to ANYTHING that that semi-retarded evangelical ass-clown has to say.

That is all.

[/ QUOTE ]

please explain further? How is someone who supports strong parental involvement in the raising of children "one of the worst human beings currently living"? How is someone who supports parents loving one another and cultivating loving, nurturing homes where kids can grow up in safety and confidence "one of the worst human beings currently living"? Yes, he is a Christian and yes his parenting strategies are Bible based and yes you absolutely have a right to think that they are incorrect, but "one of the worst human beings currently living" is a STRONG claim, even for OOT.

Please explain further how you came to this conclusion?

ThisHo

[oreogod]

There's probably no need. His girlfriend is already sending him videotabes of herself.

[StevieG]

[ QUOTE ]

On a side note how old were you when you had the talk? Did it help?

[/ QUOTE ]

I was a bookworm. My sex education came courtesy of my own curiosity and the Passyunk branch of the Philadelphia public library.

However, Dad did sit me down before going away for a summer at 15, where we exchanged these phrases:

DadG: Do you know what's going on?
StevieG: Yes.
DadG: Good. Don't catch anything, don't get anybody in trouble.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[thanks but i dont need a masturbation talk now jake]

[/ QUOTE ]

...and you claim to be the biggest perv in 00t. Liar. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

oh i have time now, jake. /images/graemlins/wink.gif

be all end all: Good Vibrations, a Berkeley-based (you know). (http://www.goodvibes.com)

[/ QUOTE ]

Ah good. Send me a pm describing this in great detail.

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

On a side note how old were you when you had the talk? Did it help?

[/ QUOTE ]

I was a bookworm. My sex education came courtesy of my own curiosity and the Passyunk branch of the Philadelphia public library.

However, Dad did sit me down before going away for a summer at 15, where we exchanged these phrases:

DadG: Do you know what's going on?
StevieG: Yes.
DadG: Good. Don't catch anything, don't get anybody in trouble.

[/ QUOTE ]

are we brothers?

[Luv2DriveTT]

Try this link. Its how I learned about the Birds &amp; the Bees. (http://www.audubon.org/)

TT /images/graemlins/club.gif