Since there's no girl problem thread on 1st page....

[DemonDeac]

...I'll post my recent problem which is upsetting me, although im not sure if i should even be upset.

So I met this girl a month ago. The night we met, we clicked and there was something about her that I really liked. So yadda yadda yadda, we start hanging out. We talked everyday and hung out often. Everything was going great. I liked her. She liked me. It's not like it was really serious after a month, but only a blind man could not see something was developing that would be more serious.

Before I continue with the story, there are some points that need to be made. This fall, we both are going abroad. I'm going to Rome, while she is going to London. I obviously go to Wake Forest and she goes to Villanova, which is where we're both pretty much from (right outside Philadelphia).

So fastforward to last night, we're talking and she then says that she's been thinking that we should just be friends and not start "anything" because of the fact that we both are going abroad and the long distance thing wouldn't work for her (she was previously in a long distance relationship that didn't work and she promised she'd never to that again). I knew exactly where she was coming from and those exact thoughts had crossed my mind before. So while that was discouraging, I felt like I could get over it because I'd see her and be with her when we both got back from Europe (as great as it would be to come back to this gorgeous girl, I think it would hinder on my fun while in Rome).

So then I bring up the point of what about when we get back, can we be more than friends and start something? She then reiterates the fact that she doesn't want to be in another long distance relationship, and she was very adamant in this fact, even upon my insisting that she could be passing up on a good thing. So it seems I'm paying the price because some [censored] didn't know how to treat her right.

So I think that's all the details. There's more but I can't think of them right now. So what do you guys think I should do. Just be friends with her and be glad? Not be friends with her? Be friends and then talk to her after we get back and see what can happen?

FWIW, I don't think I can just be friends with this girl. There's just something about her. I don't know how to explain it. My plan at this point is to still talk to her as a friend (I think it's important to stay friends with her for, at least, the rest of the summer because we leave relatively late to go to Europe while most of our friends will be at school). Also, maintaining a friendship with her may help her realize that she would be passing up a good thing if she is still worried about the long term thing.

P.S. For you pessimistic, smartass, assholes, she's not making up this [censored] to blow me off, so you can go [censored] yourselves if you're thinking that. And I'm dead serious.

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

Either one of you has to transfer, or you're not going to date this chick. That's all there is to it.

[lucas9000]

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So then I bring up the point of what about when we get back, can we be more than friends and start something?

[/ QUOTE ]

this is where you went wrong.

[MoreWineII]

If she's "the one" you'll know by the time you get back. In the meantime, forget about her and do your thing.

[DrunkIrish05]

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Either one of you has to transfer, or you're not going to date this chick. That's all there is to it.

[/ QUOTE ]

spot on

[MrTrik]

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Either one of you has to transfer, or you're not going to date this chick. That's all there is to it.

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[DemonDeac]

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So then I bring up the point of what about when we get back, can we be more than friends and start something?

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this is where you went wrong.

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why's that? should i have not said anything until we got back, in your opinion?

[rollingdirty]

[DemonDeac]

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Either one of you has to transfer, or you're not going to date this chick. That's all there is to it.

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you really think so?

1st, thats not gonna happen
2nd, even with the distance problem, i would think that we would be able to overcome this problem. i mean, we live near each other so we'd see eachother during breaks and whatnot and the occasional visit.

i would see the distance as a test, if it doesnt work, it doesnt work. life goes on. but the fact remains i dont wanna wonder "what if..."

[brick]

Keep in touch until you're both back at school and then invite her out to talk about the trip over a few drinks. Hopefully it will work out for you.

[daryn]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In risposta di:</font><hr />
Ok i will try not to be a smart ass here. DUDE seriously it does not matter if she made up the first story. She clearly does not feel the same way about you. I mean i am not sure how you are missing that. SHE DOES NOT LIKE YOU. SHE IS BEING NICE. When it clicks it clicks no matter the distance. Move on guy this is not the one.

[/ QUOTE ]

this is so obviously correct. don't take offense to being told this, it's just the truth. it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you (although i'm certain there is from your previous posts).

like a wise man said

YOU CAINT ALWAYS GIT WHAT YOU WANT

[DemonDeac]

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Ok i will try not to be a smart ass here. DUDE seriously it does not matter if she made up the first story. She clearly does not feel the same way about you. I mean i am not sure how you are missing that. SHE DOES NOT LIKE YOU. SHE IS BEING NICE. When it clicks it clicks no matter the distance. Move on guy this is not the one.

[/ QUOTE ]

this isnt about her being "the one". this is about me always wondering "what if...". i mean, ill move on. im a good looking, funny guy ive never been in this situation with a girl. i honestly think she likes me, but is just scared because of what happened to her in the past. but u have ur opinion and thats fine. i just dont wanna sit here wondering "what if..."

[DemonDeac]

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it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you (although i'm certain there is from your previous posts).


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funny

[DrunkIrish05]

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So then I bring up the point of what about when we get back, can we be more than friends and start something?

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this is where you went wrong.

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why's that? should i have not said anything until we got back, in your opinion?

[/ QUOTE ]

This is one of those funny things with dating, you can't be completely honest about how you feel or it will push her away and give it no chance. Right now, you are obviously more into her than she is into you. She is probably not thinking about that far in the future, and hearing that you are already thinking that far ahead and that you are already willing to give it a chance now even though that is way in the future is just gonna push her away further. Give her space when you're apart and maybe you'll be able to give it a try again when she gets back.

However, I GUARANTEE that if you push now for her to tell you that she will for sure give it a chance later on, then there is absolutely no chance she shows any interest in you when she comes back.

hope that makes a little sense at least

[daryn]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In risposta di:</font><hr />
</font><blockquote><font class="small">In risposta di:</font><hr />
it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you (although i'm certain there is from your previous posts).


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funny

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not a joke

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

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Either one of you has to transfer, or you're not going to date this chick. That's all there is to it.

[/ QUOTE ]

you really think so?

1st, thats not gonna happen
2nd, even with the distance problem, i would think that we would be able to overcome this problem. i mean, we live near each other so we'd see eachother during breaks and whatnot and the occasional visit.

i would see the distance as a test, if it doesnt work, it doesnt work. life goes on. but the fact remains i dont wanna wonder "what if..."

[/ QUOTE ]
This kind of thing typically doesn't work well in college. I'd not try it - live it up while you're in college instead of tying yourself to something that's not there.

[Eurotrash]

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YOU CAINT ALWAYS GIT WHAT YOU WANT

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perhaps also applicable here, from Stephen Stills:


"and if you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with."

[Harv72b]

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So it seems I'm paying the price because some [censored] didn't know how to treat her right.

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We all do this. It's called "baggage". If you ever meet a girl without any, marry her that very instant. Not that guys don't carry baggage, too.

As far as why you went wrong when you brought up "when we get back"...this is basically asking her to wait for you, even if you're not asking that she refrain from seeing other people during the fall. You are asking for a commitment from her to remain available to you when you both return from Europe. She's obviously not ready to make this kind of a commitment, and you either have to accept that as is, or just move on completely.

Also, think about what kind of an answer you were hoping to get from her. If she says "yes", then you're basically still boyfriend/girlfriend while you're away. She can't really see anyone else without risking breaking her promise to you, because hey--what happens if she falls in love with the other guy? Ditto for you. If she says "no", then you're just SOL already. If she says "maybe" or "we'll see", is that going to be good enough for you?

Not to devalue your feelings for her or the legitimacy of them, but you really need to think about the fact that you just met this girl a month ago. New relationships are always great because they're new--little personality traits that will eventually become annoying are still fresh and cute. Insecurities that you think are endearing now will eventually become tiresome. What it comes down to is, the two of you still don't really know each other at this point, and it's probably far too early to be making decisions for the next 3 months (or however long you'll be away) right now.

To answer your question, if you really do like this girl and think that there is a future there, then just respect her wishes, keep in touch while you're in Rome, and see what happens. Don't go overseas expecting to win her over and be madly in love by the time you get back to Philly. Don't pester her about what happens when. Don't even bring the subject up. Don't avoid dating while you're in Rome, and don't get jealous if she ever mentions a guy when you talk/write/whatever.

Now, honestly, ask yourself if you can handle all of that, and if you really think she's worth it. There's your answer.

[astroglide]

i agree that about any rule can be broken for somebody that is absolutely into another person, but the "does not like you" part is probably wrong. it's more like, "does not like you enough", which isn't even an insult given the circumstances. sounds like a rational perspective after 1 month.

[irishpint]

it is impossible to be friends w/ a hot girl because all you want to do it hit it. if she won't let you, then there is no reason to be there.

[rollingdirty]

[DemonDeac]

thats good [censored]
i completely agree with you

[DemonDeac]

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i agree that about any rule can be broken for somebody that is absolutely into another person, but the "does not like you" part is probably wrong. it's more like, "does not like you enough", which isn't even an insult given the circumstances. sounds like a rational perspective after 1 month.

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I concur i wasn't trying to insult. You can just see from the letter if the facts are correct she is not into him.

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i think astroglide was right with this enough stuff. i think her liking me is a given. any idiot can see this. im probably not giving enough details, but whatever. its prolly just that she doesnt like me enough, and thats fine. we shall see

[rollingdirty]

[DemonDeac]

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You are now ignoring this user. You will no longer see the body of any of their posts.

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problem solved, dickhead

[siccjay]

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She then reiterates the fact that she doesn't want to be in another long distance relationship, and she was very adamant in this fact, even upon my insisting that she could be passing up on a good thing.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't care what kind of cursing and acting like a hardass you are gonna do. She is blowing you off.

She doesn't dig you, sorry. The faster you realize that, the better off you will be.

[27offsooot]

I never post in OOT, but it seems pretty clear that she's just not as in to u. What she said is just girl-speak for this. If she were crazy about u, she would do the long-distance thing. It's probably best to just move on. Dude, u'll have a blast in Rome, don't let this weigh u down at all and just go there and have fun.

[The Stranger]

[ QUOTE ]
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YOU CAINT ALWAYS GIT WHAT YOU WANT

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perhaps also applicable here, from Stephen Stills:


"and if you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with."

[/ QUOTE ]

or the Bloodhound Gang:

"I need to find a new vagina. Any kinda new vagina. Its hard to rhyme a word like vagina. Calvin Klein? Kind of. North Carolina!"

[gorie]

good post harv.

SIIHP.

Am I the first?

Anyway, on to the post:

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Just be friends with her and be glad? Not be friends with her? Be friends and then talk to her after we get back and see what can happen?

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I would just be friends with her if you are able to. If you don't think that you can do that, then say your goodbyes. It sucks that she was mistreated by her ex but there is really nothing you can do to change that and make her want you bad enough to enter into another long distance relationship.

[DemonDeac]

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good post harv.

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so you agree with him? cuz thats the post im respecting most here.

your opinion+lack of penis=good /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[Alobar]

she doesnt want a long distance relationship, deal with it.

If you cant ever be "just" her friend, then dont even bother trying. Your just going to have to deal with her talking about all the guys shes hookng up with, and youll sit around miserable.

Tell her thats great, because you are feeling the same way, and dont want a long distance thing. Pkay your cards right and you can prolly stick it in her once or twice before you both go off for europe, and then once you are there, forget about this chick, dont call or write her, go out and have a ton of fun in europe. The End

she`s not that in too you man, if she was really in love with you, she would manage the distance problem

[DemonDeac]

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she`s not that in too you man, if she was really in love with you, she would manage the distance problem

[/ QUOTE ]

LOVE?!?!?! easy buddy

i just dont wanna be wondering "what if.." thats all.

damn. love. its been a month for gods sake

[gorie]

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good post harv.

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so you agree with him? cuz thats the post im respecting most here.

your opinion+lack of penis=good /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

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well, my supposid lack of penis doesn't necessarily = good opinion just so you are warned. i may be a girl but i'm pretty clueless about these things.

i agree mostly with his explanation of why it's bad to ask if she has interest in being together in the future after it was already established she doesn't want any commitments. he worded his post well.

i think she probably likes you, but not as much as you should want someone to like you if you want a serious relationship.

then again she might just be realistic.

[siccjay]

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your opinion+lack of penis=good /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

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Bad idea, girls lie. It's the reason you are making this post.

[durron597]

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it's more like, "does not like you enough", which isn't even an insult given the circumstances.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is exactly what I was thinking reading the OP.

And Harv's post says it better than I ever could. Just keep in touch and see her again when you both get back. But don't carry a torch for her because she will not carry one for you.